Here’s a comment from Tony – and I’m going to be “tough.”

First, Tony, thank you for showing up – having men on the site can be an amazing thing. Not only do you give us information that’s incredibly helpful – it also helps us see how much like us you are in some basic ways.

And this is one of them – and it’s the basis of the classic “play hard to get” game we all grew up with.

The thing is, Tony – you sound like a woman.

And I mean this to sound as tough as it does, because you’re not a woman – and what you need to do to capture this woman’s attention is the OPPOSITE of what we women need to do to capture a man’s attention.

Here’s Tony’s letter:

“Rori,  I am 25 and have been working with a women for the last couple of months and I have fallen for her more then anyone else in my life. She More…

Here’s a letter from Carol, who’s feeling horrible with her man – and my very “tough” answer:

Hi Rori,

I have a question. My man and I were out to dinner and he made the comment that one of his top 5 loves was women. I was hurt by this comment because it made me feel unimportant and like he wants to date many women. Than after I questioned him he tells me he meant it like he loves his mom and his sisters and than I was mad because he put me on the same level as his relatives.

Then he expresses how much he loves me in the middle of this loud venue and I felt like I couldn’t talk. So we get home and he says he doesn’t feel welcome so he leaves and goes home to his house. He always leaves and never wants to work it out. I feel abandoned and that he’s just not mature enough for me to spend the time with him.

I had looked through his emails and saw that he contacted a massage therapist in hopes of a happy ending when we weren’t talking. He also sent a pic of me to his friend of me in my lingerie. So I told him about it last night because I asked him about it and he lied and said that he had never More…

Here’s a classic situation: Abigail’s man is withdrawing, there are arguments, she’s feeling lost without him…

“Rori, I’m having a few personal issues and hoping to get some honest feedback and advice. I’m 27 years old and I have been going with a guy who I met 17 months ago. The relationship was like a fairy tale story – we lived in different countries and we met at work when I interviewed him.

For the first 14 months everything was brilliant we were so in love and everyone knew it and could see how happy we were! Then I started being insecure in the relationship not through any fault from him but I let my past hurt in other relationships take over this one.

Anyways he went to his home for 3 weeks to see his family and during that time we continued to argue – and when he came back he decided he needed some time and space on his own. Not only were we arguing but his granny as also been diagnosed with cancer and he really wants to More…

Here’s a letter from Susan, who’s in that age-old dilemma of what to do with a man who’s going downhill emotionally and physically – and won’t do anything about it!

We women are ALL so much smarter than men, so much more conscious, we can multi-task and solve problems with our boy energy in incredible ways – and it’s SO frustrating, exasperating, and sometimes soul-destroying to watch your man suffer (and bring his suffering into YOUR space and the relationship in general).

And yet – you have to do it the right way.  You can’t overfunction, or try to make it happen. It still has to be in Feeling Messages, and the firmness of what you “don’t want.”

Susan’s doing a great job with this – her letter is SO helpful:

“Rori -

I wrote you before. I have husband who is depressed, who seems to have some physical/vitamin deficiency thing going on (due to medications/giving blood) which is causing depression/tiredness. He drinks more than he should and it really seems to because of his depression. And he is a perfectionist.

Previously, I was using your tools and coming across as trying to change him and being very needy, but I stopped doing that. It was really tough for a while there, but I finally shifted. I was getting so fed up that I was ready to leave, and that really started me shifting. I started More…