Anger Is An Investment In Him

10-6 love yourselfThe Question:

Carol says, “I would like you to review ways of telling a perfectly nice man you’re not attracted to him and won’t go out with him again.”

My Answer:

The simple answer to this question is: “I’m not available.” If he asks further, and you like him as a person, it’s “I felt really happy to know you and spend time with you, you’re a great guy, and it just doesn’t feel like a match to me…”

That’s it – you move on, keep Circular Dating, keep the attitude (and this is the truth) that if a match with a man isn’t right for you, it can’t be right for him either.

And yet – there’s a deeper issue here that I want to use this simple question and answer to jump off of:

I want to really be clear about this: If you can’t kiss a guy after two or three dates – I mean just kiss him and give him a chance – then you’ve got to let him go.

AND – I want you to take a look at who you’re choosing. Please look closer at the men you want to kiss – because there’s a huge chance you’re just used to choosing wrong.

Your inner “boy” is somehow “doing the looking” at a man – looking at him basically on paper, in your mind and your instinctive, habit-formed reactions – and saying, “He looks good.”

He looks good physically. He looks good financially. He looks like he’s got a good history.

Perhaps you’ve “got a lot in common” (again, that’s on paper and in the mind) – and so your inner boy is making that “yes” choice for you.

The thing is – that choice can’t be made by your inner boy.

That choice has to be made by your inner GIRL.

That choice has to be made from intuition, mixed with a huge awareness of what your real, core needs are in a love relationship, a huge sensitivity to your feelings about YOURSELF when you’re with a man, and a casual disregard for what you may have always thought of as “chemistry.”

It has to be made from how it feels to be with this man, how relaxed and self-loving you feel with him.

AND – your inner boy cannot allow you to get emotionally, physically and logistically invested to the point where you start to feel urgent.

The moment you feel urgent about a man, something is wrong.  and if you’re emotionally, physically and logistically invested in him, along with the urgency comes anger.

The anger begins to feel like an attack, because the immediate fallout from a sense of urgency is the intense feeling that we’re being attacked.

Sometimes attacked from the outside – by others, by situations, by circumstance, by the world, by the Universe – and most often from the inside of us. We feel attacked by ourselves, which then makes us feel under attack from the outside.

Attack can look like: “I want to attack him for why he’s being a jerk,” or “I’m afraid he’s going to attack me by dumping me.”

If you’re feeling any of this, what’s going to happen is: your anger, resentment, frustration and disappointment are going to get bigger and bigger. And then you won’t know how to let it out towards him. It’s going to be too late.

The anger, resentment and disappointment you feel is in direct proportion to the energy and effort you’re putting out to the relationship.

In other words, you’re going to be angry with him if he doesn’t step up, because you’re doing stuff to try and make him step up or to keep the relationship going.

If you weren’t doing anything for him or towards him, if you were just watching him, leaning back, flirting with other guys, going dancing, hanging with other men who wanted you – you wouldn’t be anywhere near as angry.

When you wait for a man because you’re invested, you’re going to become angry.

Once we start to feel the anger, what follows is our sense of attack – and that’s when  communication with him breaks down. That’s when we push him away. That’s when we break things.

So it all starts with a sense of urgency, the sense of attack, the sense of working too hard.

So – the deeper, more complex answer to “How do I say goodbye to a man I’m not attracted to” is: Before you say goodbye, before you simply follow your attractions down the same roads you’ve always gone down, use this moment to ask yourself what you really want.

Ask yourself if you’re pushing what you want away. Perhaps this “nice man” was just an “attempt.” A “try” at going for a “nice man.”

Those of us who’ve tried that have often got a man who has OTHER reasons that would have sent the red flags flying. Just being “nice” isn’t the answer, here.

You may be “not attracted” for reasons OTHER than physical – or “too nice.”

Partnership takes a set of skills. It takes, more than anything, the desire to WANT to be a partner – forever.

And the ability to hear the other person even when emotions are flying and everyone wants to run or attack.

Start with that when you’re looking for requirements in men and dealbreakers.

See if you can discover inside you an attraction to “partnership” – not to the qualities of any one man. Nice, handsome, well-off, poor, unpleasant, overweight, quiet, interesting – those are just labels.

Forget them, and look for partnership – and what that feels like.

Love, Rori

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When Long Distance Actually Means Nothing At All

returnsThe Question:
“Rori: I write this with a heavy heart, because it is breaking in pieces like a hammer to a piece of glass. I was in a relationship with a guy in another state… well last night while we were texting, I told him I had all my ducks in a row & it would be just a little longer & I would be there. He texted me back, saying, NOT to come now because he was moving to another state with his brother  & his brothers girl.
I asked why I couldn’t come too & he said it was their house. I text back that I would find a place close to them so we could see each other when ever he wasn’t working. No answer. I then texted him again asking if he was there? No answer.

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Monica Lewinsky Challenges Us To Change The World For Everyone

If you’ve ever felt what Monica’s felt… Regardless of the mistakes she’s made or you’ve made… Ask yourself: who’s doing the bullying of you? Is it someone else, or is it you?

If you’re a teenager being mocked and snickered at by your peers all around you, if you’re being bullied and harrassed and embarrassed on
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Don’t Let “Safe” Make You Sorry in Love

IMG_0618closerWe are all driven by so many forces within us to make ourselves feel “safe.”

It’s all old stuff.

Old ways of coping with pain and grief, and frustration, and with the message we’ve been handed, over and over and over and over again – that we can’t have what we
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She Turned Her Marriage Around By Circular Dating While Pregnant!

rosestemHere’s an amazing, uplifting letter from Joan:

“Rori, I emailed you a few months back after purchasing your whole program. I was separated from my husband and was not dating anyone because my husband and I agreed to sexual exclusivity and dating each other – it was one crappy date a week-on his schedule and when he wanted to see me!

I thought this was me leaning back because if he didn’t ask me 3 days in advance if I was free,
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Why Am I Here With This Man, Thinking Something’s Wrong With ME?

bad boyThe Question:

“Rori, I was raised to always behave. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t drive without my license. Don’t do drugs. Have a job.

My boyfriend does all of the above. Drinks and drives, drives without a license, does drugs, doesn’t have a job. and he likes to make me believe that I tripping out on him and being completely irrational when i approach him on his behavior. when I think he’s the one being irrational.

He’s very sweet and doesn’t abuse or hurt me. But part of me wants to leave because I don’t
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Last Chance For Free Coaching From My RRRCT Trainees!

0608263003-copyHi, This is Rori,

Get great coaching from my new, amazing RRRCT Trainees Right NOW – before they graduate!!

These new coaches are available to you right now because they’re in the Advanced Coaching Module of RRRCT.

After they graduate from Training as Rori Raye Trained Coaches they’ll be free to charge regular fees for coaching – but right now – you can get coached for FREE!

You can try every one of these amazing new coaches (they all use my Tools and techniques, they’ve practiced extensively coaching me and the RRRCT Master Coach Teachers during live class hours, so I KNOW they’re good) for one free session each!

And, if you quickly fall for one of them (I know you will) – you’ll be able to continue with that coach at a hugely discounted rate.

Here’s the list – go to their websites and contact them each to schedule your free appointment (they each have a “Contact” page, or give you their email addresses so you can write them).

Most have Subscriber boxes – with Newsletters and Freebie reports – so if you see one – be sure to sign up and pick up the “Freebie”!

Sami Wunder:

Megan Weks:

Michelle Manley:

Nina Mercie:

Lygia Lisi:

Christine Rich Hanson:

Korina Fleur:

Andrada Dan:

Heather Allison:

These women, and what they’ve achieved in only 15 weeks, are amazing and inspirational – and you can do it, too!

If they inspire you to become a Rori Raye trained coach, too – let me know!

I know any coach who’s been trained by me in RRRCT can give you faster results than any other coach out there…so if you’d like to become a coach yourself and join this elite, very special group of powerful coaches, go here to check RRRCT out (we start Fundamentals on July 6th!):

Try these coaches out for free – ALL of them if you like! – and be helped and inspired…

Love, Rori

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Free Teleclass: How To Know If Being A Professional Coach Is For You…

Hi, this is Rori, and if you’re on the fence about RRRCT, talk with me LIVE, tomorrow, Tuesday, June 16th at either 11am PST or 5:30pm PST (2pm and 8:30pm EST), live and in-person by teleseminar on the RRRCT Teleclass…

1. To Phone Or Skype into the call: Dial (425) 440-5100

Conference ID: 269386#

Backup Dial-In # (323) 476-3997

2. To listen and write questions to me in real time from your computer or device:

(**On this page, you can find local and international numbers to try….)

You’ll get to talk with me live – in-person – and talk with a Certified Coach Master Teacher, too!

Some of Winter Session RRRCT Trainees may show up too – to tell you how it feels to start from nowhere, with nothing resembling a professional coaching career – no website, no “brand,” nothing in writing – and, within 12 weeks: Have a full website, email subscribers, an actual written program to give your subscribers, and real clients…

How Do You Know If  Being A Professional Coach Is What You Want?

1. You have to want to begin working for yourself.

Making your own hours, charging the rates you want (and you’ll be able to charge WAY more than you think you can – even from the beginning!), working from wherever you want in whatever clothes you want.

And – helping the human race find peace by helping women, men and couples find love.

2. You have to want to help others.

If you’re concerned that the status of your own love life is standing in your way – don’t be.

Your actual relationship “state” has nothing to do with being a successful coach.

What makes you a successful coach is your ability to help OTHERS.

To HEAR them, to listen to them, to know just enough more than they do about how relationships work that you can HELP them.

Rori Raye Relationship Coach Training is designed so that you’ll know a LOT more than nearly anyone else about how relationships and men work – and very quickly.

As a huge bonus: You’ll find your own love life improving daily all through RRRCT Training…

3. You have to want to make more money than you’re making right now – and easier.

Most people assume that starting your own business equals poverty, ridiculous hard work, and suffering.

And – I’ve found it to be just the opposite (…and so have my Certified Coaches and Trainees).

Think of it – a beginning fee to talk to you should be around $120/hour. From that idea, you can give discounts, package rates, etc…and, as the Trainees from Winter Session RRRCT have found – you quickly move up the ladder to $150/hour and more.

If you’re a CEO of a company, and making six figures already – then your choice to be a professional coach may be about “switching careers” – and you may be concerned about taking a “hit” in your income. When, really, you’ll be making what you’re making now – or more – with less work.

The work of entrepreneurship never ends until YOU say “stop.”

This is true.

Yet, it feels like you’re following your vision and your dreams – instead of “manifesting” someone ELSE’S visions and dreams.

Once you’re squarely in the “game” of deciding your own destiny – work takes on a different “feel.”

Instead of waiting for someone else to tell you what to do – you work off your own ideas.

You take everything I teach you and amplify it.

You realize very quickly how you can make money two ways:

Per hour as a coach – AND per product or program you sell.

You can make money live, in person, at events and on the phone or Skype with clients and workshops – AND – you can make money in your sleep selling the videos and books created FROM those events and workshops.

You can’t run out of ideas, because, in the entrepreneurial world – new ideas are happening constantly.

And you can’t run out of potential clients – because new women turn 18 every day, women go through breakups, divorce, and change constantly. There will always be women who need you – who want to talk to YOU, not read a book. And there will always be women who just want to read your book.

You can do well – and quickly.

4. You have to want to write and create.

There is no substitute in the world of online information for written material.

Videos get you attention and a personal way to reach potential clients – yet, writing is still, and will always be – the fastest way to reach your audience and be taken into their hearts.

It’s what separates you from anyone else.

5. You have to want to tell your personal story.

Just giving advice will never cut it in the world. People want to know who you are. They want to know why and how you know what you know, and they want to trust you.

A woman doesn’t want her coach to be perfect. She wants her to be like HER – and yet HAPPY.

Whatever challenges, tragedies, difficulties, crises you’ve endured in your life – if you tell that story, people will listen.

They’ll want to know you.

If you want to keep yourself under wraps and just “teach” – this kind of coaching isn’t for you.

6. You have to want to listen.

Coaching is more about listening than teaching. More about hearing than advice-giving.

What you’ll learn in RRRCT is to do both. To listen, to hear, to be trusted – and then give advice that WORKS.

You’ll learn the Rori Raye method of taking a woman through an EXPERIENCE with you….an experience she can’t get from anyone else, anywhere. You’ll discover that, after only 6 weeks of RRRCT – you can do magical things in a coaching session that NO ONE else can do.

It’s a process of skills, techniques, Tools, and your own personal SELF that make your coaching unique and irreplaceable.

Once a woman has “vibed” to you as her coach – she’ll never want to be away from you.

7. You have to love – and love using – the Rori Raye Tools

If my methods and systems have helped you in any way – with your actual love life, with your emotions, with your confidence, with your recovery from a break up, with dating and understanding men – you can help other women do the same.

Come to the RRRCT Teleclass tomorrow at either 11am or 5:30 pm PST – and ask YOUR questions. I’ll be at both classes!

Get an honest, straightforward assessment from me personally about your chances to do well in this field, how fast I believe you can make back your RRRCT investment, and how soon you can feel as though you have a genuine, real, viable business.

I KNOW you can do this!

Give yourself a shot at your dream. I’ll be here for you, and all of RRRCT past and present will be here for you. We’re a sisterhood at RRRCT, and we not only show you your future – we’ve got your back.

Love, Rori

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When Anger And Frustration Gets In The Way Of Love…

redwallThe Question:

“Hi Rori.
I am a follower of your work.
I have a question that I hope you can answer.
Your work helped me find the man of my dreams.
I did all the tools. He fell in love with me. And he won me over. I gave a chance to something different than instant attraction. I felt peace with him and I think LOVE grew in my heart for him.
To be honest he was devoted to me.

He is a true good man. And still is. Thank you so much Rori for making me see, with your tools, that good man exist. And that sometimes instant attraction is not as good
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Free Teleclass With The Great Tatia Dee!

From Rori: Oh – You’re in for a treat! And for free!

Go to this teleclass with Tatia Dee – she’s amazing. Not only is she a fantastic coach and an incredibly accomplished and powerful woman – she’s one of the most kind-hearted, gentle, smart, funny and fun people I’ve ever known. Clients are making a bee-line for Tatia, so take advantage of anything she does for free now, at the beginning of her career. Love, Rori

From Tatia Dee:

tatia home 2Do you feel like you’ve gotten off course from being a feminine & alluring woman?

Are you being more masculine than feminine and can’t seem to get the right balance?

Are you ready for a change in your love life?
Whether you’re in a relationship, married, single, dating or divorced

I’ve got a great way to experience an immediate difference in your love life.

It worked for me, and I know it’ll work for you too!

It’s My 7 Steps To Irresistible.

You’ll Learn How to:

– Attract better men (and know what to do about unavailable men and FWB (“friends-with-benefits”).

– Renew the feeling of feminine confidence

Stop Clinging to a man

– Get More Dates

Keep His Attention

– Change yourself and inspire your man at the same time.

Be gentle with yourself & him, and

Live from a place of love no matter what’s going on in your life.

So Please Join Me On:

Monday evening, June 8, 2015 at 5 pm PST 8 pm EST

For My Free Women’s Love Coaching Webinar

I’ll share my 7 Steps To Irresistible and answer your questions during the Webinar.

Click this link to register now:

See you at the webinar!

tatia bannerTatia Dee

Certified Rori Raye Life & Relationship Coach

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