Have The Relationship You Want

It’s not your “negative” feelings that push a man away – it’s what you do with them.

It’s how you LIVE with them – because there are things in this world that Trigger us can make us feel sensitive and sad all the time.

And the way to live with negative feelings that pushes a man away is to RESIST them.

The way to live with negative feelings that BRINGS A MAN CLOSER is to FEEL them.

And that doesn’t just mean just feeling them for a moment and then moving on to something else to distract ourselves…

It means FULLY FEELING your feelings by SINKING INTO them.

How to do it? You’ll find a Tool specifically for the feelings of anger, jealousy and obsessive thoughts about a man in my Commitment Blueprint program, and in my new Modern Siren program, there’s a full set of Tools for sadness, and a way to handle that “wave” of feeling that sometimes hits us just when we wish it wouldn’t. You can look at both of the programs here: [catalog]

For now, try this:

When you’re feeling “negative,” and you’re afraid your “vibe” will push a man away – notice what you do – notice if you start TALKING (what so many of us women do when we’re uncomfortable).

Notice if you start all of a sudden getting “cheerful.”

Notice if you suddenly start trying to make things “okay” in your mind and smile.

Notice if you move TOWARD him – touch him, talk to him – in an effort to make the “bad” feelings go away.

And then stop yourself. DON’T DO what you INSTINCTIVELY want to do to feel better.

There’s a MUCH better way to feel better.

SINKING IN feels like this: It feels like you just “give up.” You just give up on trying to hold back the feeling.

Usually – when we stop holding back, all kinds of things happen – most often with results that aren’t what we wanted. It’s like a rubber band you’ve been pulling and pulling apart until it reaches maximum tension and then you let go and SNAP – it flies (and usually hits our man right in the face).

So try this: instead of “letting go” and letting fly, hang onto yourself in a simple way – don’t DO anything – just give up trying to hold it back. This way, the “rubber band” just returns to its limp, graceful shape without a reaction that creates a whole new set of issues and moments and feelings for you to deal with.

As you “go limp” and “give up” you’ll feel a whole bunch of things loosen in your body. Your shoulders will drop down, and what might have felt like an iron grip around your heart will lighten up a bit.

Now, let’s say you – like I was – are stuck in a car, or in a restaurant, or in a room with your man, and you can feel your resistance tightening in your shoulders and in your heart, and you feel like talking to relieve the pressure.

Step 1 – You notice what’s happening.
Step 2 – You do NOTHING
Step 3 – You FEEL whatever feelings you’re feeling, give up trying to hold the feelings back, and sink into them – as though those feelings are your deepest friends (they are).
Step 4 – Now you use Feeling Messages to communicate with your man, and we’ll talk about that next.

If you’re feeling afraid that your “down” and “negative” feelings are going to push a man away – and so you keep a “stiff upper lip” – here’s some help.

I know this inside and out – because I still get triggered ALL THE TIME in just this way.

I was brought up to avoid conflict at all costs, and so my first instinct is ALWAYS to create PEACE, no matter how much it costs me emotionally.

But I’ve learned how to recognize when it’s happening to me, and how to stop RESISTING the feelings I’m feeling – no matter how uncomfortable or “inappropriate” they may be.

Even just last night, stuck in the car with my husband, there was a wave of discomfort in a discussion, in something he said to me that “triggered” me.

What we were talking about is pretty much not important – it was the feeling I had when he got a little “hot-tempered” and it just started to feel like “too much” for me.

And when you’re stuck in the car you really can learn quickly how to TOLERATE feeling your feelings so you can feel better quickly.

When this kind of thing happens to me, it’s like a tug-of-war starts inside me. The feelings of resentment, anger, frustration, sadness, weirdness and plain old discomfort well up inside me – but I’m instinctively afraid to express them. Even though I have my “word” Tools to speak what I’m feeling, I can feel this fight inside me.

Part of me wants to keep quiet. Part of me wants to change the subject into something “light.” Part of me wants to make a joke. Part of me wants to yell and scream and tell him exactly what I’m thinking and feeling and what an “idiot” he’s being at the moment. Most of me just feels “dread,” and wants to forget that I’m feeling what I’m feeling, wind back the clock to BEFORE this all happened, and STOP myself from feeling at all.

Sound familiar to you?

That’s RESISTANCE. Trying to erase what you’re feeling.

And that just doesn’t work.

Resisting our feelings makes us sick. It makes us TENSE. It makes us “intense” in a “draining” way. It keeps us stuck in one place our whole lives.

And– it PUSHES men AWAY!

So – it sounds like a no-brainer to just STOP this RESISTANCE thing, but that’s easy to say.

Because we resist ourselves and our feelings for a reason. We do it because of fear, and because in the past, when we DIDN’T resist ourselves and our feelings – we might have had a bad result.

We may have been punished. We may have been dismissed. We may have been criticized. And so we have to start all over again – baby-step by baby step, to tolerate the fear that comes up when feelings come up – and practice NOT RESISTING, so we can learn to feel again – in the presence of a man.

It would be easy for me to say – “Stop resisting your feelings, use my Feeling Messages, and just BELIEVE ME that your man will come closer. BELIEVE ME that making yourself VULNERABLE will create MORE love for you.”

And though I DO want you to believe that this is true and that it can happen QUICKLY for you – it’s the BABY-STEPS I’m going to ask you to take that will change everything for you and get you what you want.

So – first Baby-Step is to NOTICE that you’re feeling strong feelings, that you don’t really know what to do with them, and that you’re RESISTING THEM.

Next, you have to SINK INTO them…and by the end of this week you’ll have a step-by-step process to help you, so keep reading…