Have The Relationship You Want

Romance is a skill and a talent – and it requires effort – so Romance is a “boy” thing.  That’s why it feels so awful to us when it’s not coming at us, and we’re left to try to think of how to do romance ourselves.

So – try this – write out and imagine what you can do to be romantic for YOURSELF (forget about him).

Use your boy energy to create as much romance around yourself as possible – just flood your girl self with romantic ways to dress, to put on makeup, listen to music that makes you feel romantic about YOU.

Ways to walk, to dance in your living room by yourself, belly dancing, whatever makes you feel romantic.

Clean out your drawers so your bedroom feels as Romantic as possible – every time you’re in it, every time you sink into the bed, every time you even think about your bedroom.

Make your kitchen Romantic – the foods you like, the cleanliness level you feel romantic about – cozy and messy, or crystal clear – colors and shapes.

Walk around your entire environment, your work space, your closet, your desk – and declutter NOT to get “organized” – but to fill your space with things that Romance YOU!

Just like everything else in the Rori Raye Toolbox, getting into the space you want to be, feeling what you want to feel, following those good feelings and impulses, works to bring a man IN to your Romantic space.  And when he gets there – he WANTS to be there.  It feels good to HIM, because it feels good to YOU.

And you didn’t have to TELL him anything!

I’m going to do this today right along with you – let’s all get our “boy energy” in gear to service our “girl energy” – and remember to continually switch hats – that will look like – use your boy energy to decide what to tackle, make a list if you like, and go into ACTION to begin moving things, sorting things, putting the music on, running the bath, buying the perfume… then, use your girl energy to FEEL your way through it.

In other words – I want you to FEEL what feels Romantic, and to instinctively DO what FEELS GOOD.

Just keep going like this.  Get moving with your boy energy, get thinking, deciding, arranging – and use your girl energy to FEEL Romantic while you’re doing it.

It’s a great way to practice switching hats, and a great way to get a terrific result for yourself.

Let me know how it works for you, and how it effects your love life, perhaps the man and relationship you may be in right now.  Let me know if he starts to feel compelled to get romantic WITH you.

I know this works for me…so let’s do this together.  (I’m going to tackle my drawers, my closet, my makeup and my music this weekend, and dance for myself…yeah, well as much of this as FEELS GOOD…)

Love, Rori

Happy Thanksgiving!

***If you get my free eLetters, you’ve already received this…and I’d like you to print it out from here (if you haven’t already) and put it up where you can see it and DO it, and make it one of your Thanksgiving presents for yourself…)

Ever wondered if things could really turn around “on-a-dime” for you?

Where all of a sudden the man you love wakes up and loves you even MORE than you love HIM?

Or where a new man suddenly shows up in an unexpected place and just steadily takes you to true love and lifelong commitment?

Or where the “dreaded” Holidays turn into the BEST time to make your dreams for your entire life come true?

Just like in the Holiday movies?

Well, what if the way you look at your situation, wherever you are right now, could make all the difference?

Let’s do it this way:

1. Make a list of all the things you wish would CHANGE during the next two months – so you could have a great new result by January 1st.

Really go into detail.

2. Now, look at your list and

3. Read it out loud – pretend you’re reading it to me, and tell me about each item on your list as though you’re talking to me (and I’ll open my ears and heart so I can hear you…)

4. Let me know by your saying the list out loud what your unique words are…for instance – do you say “I wish…” or do you say “I want…” or do you say “If only…” or do you have your own way of putting your REQUEST for change?

5. Now…I want you to imagine, for each item, what it would FEEL like if you GOT your wish, your want, your if only, your REQUEST.

6. Now – just like when you ask for something in real life (“please pass the sugar bowl, a Grande, please…”) say THANK YOU.

Yeah – I know it’s weird.

You don’t actually yet HAVE this thing you wish, want, regret, miss, long for, request…so it’s hard to imagine saying Thank You, but do it anyway.

7. Now – imagine who you’re saying Thank You to.

Ahhh – that made it even weirder, didn’t it?

Okay – Imagine you’re saying Thank You to YOU.

“And…,” you say, “Rori, why would I thank myself for something I don’t have, something I may have screwed up, something I’m upset about it not BEING here…”

And here’s the answer:

I want you to Thank Yourself for 2 things:

One,  Thank Yourself for even THINKING UP this item on your list.

Thank Yourself for just being AWARE enough – ALIVE ENOUGH – to WANT something!

If you want something, wish for something, request something – then you’re creating ROOM for yourself to have it.

Yes, you are.

And Two – Thank Yourself in Advance, just like you do in common courtesy and cover letters, for GETTING your wish, your want, your if only, your dream, your request – as though you EXPECT it to happen – because…

…YOU are the one who is going to make it happen!

Yes, YOU.

You are the only one who can set the stage, form the wish, speak the want, ask for the dream.

And you are the only one who can put yourself in the exact place and time for it to come on to your stage, show up in your life, be true and real for you.

And you are the only one who can SEE it when it shows up!

And you are the only one who knows what to DO with it when it shows up!

And – you are the only one who can APPRECIATE it when it shows up.

So – you are the one to THANK.

8. Do this now.  Thank Yourself in Advance.

Say – Thank you, [firstname] for…and then just go down your list and turn it around exactly the way you want it.

It’s okay if you cry.  It’s okay if you feel weird – just keep doing it.

9. Do this all day long, every day, until you do it automatically and never stop, and do it about EVERYTHING.

If you want a good parking space, Thank Yourself in Advance.

If you want a lovely man (not any PARTICULAR man, please – that’s not in the Rori Raye playbook, and it won’t work – just stick with how you want that lovely man and that lovely relationship to FEEL…)

10. Let me know what happens!

I can only imagine the chaos that would occur if every single thing on your list all of sudden came about the way you want it – so I want you to just look for the little things.

Look for the little, tiny things until you get used to teeny-tiny good things showing up – and then the bigger things will start to show up.

I Thank YOU for YOU.

You are MY dream come true, and I KNOW yours will show up for you…and way FASTER than you think.

Just do the Tools, and let me know how you’re doing.

Love, Rori

When my daughter was small, Thanksgiving at school was about the Native American experience, about the Pilgrims, and about all the conflicting stories of that time. With just a tiny bit of research, I’ve found Thanksgiving to be a very, very old tradition, a celebration of the Harvest, and much more applicable to what we feel and celebrate now than simply the honoring of that brief moment of peace in the not always peaceful, or honorable early days of America.

So, I want to give my deep Thanks for, and my deep belief in the brilliance and beauty of everything that is or ever was, no matter what.

I give more than Thanks.  I’m deeply Grateful to everyone and everything in my world, before and now. I’m even thankful and grateful for my mistakes, my missteps, my moments of not knowing.

Though I can’t undo the fabric of what’s past, that fabric of my life now spreads out as an infinite number of beautiful threads that can be woven together in infinitely beautiful ways.  I’m all one thing.  A work of art in progress – and so are you.

Here’s a lovely piece by my friend, Joyce Kenyon, who’s a healing master – you can find her at www.radiant-healinghands.com – and I’m going to work with it myself this week:

“We sometimes think that we can only be grateful for the things we want or like. The beauty is that we can be in Gratitude for everything.

Gratitude is one of the most joyous and constant gifts we can give ourselves and others.

And it doesn’t require any special circumstances.

You can have gratitude during the whole time you’re driving your car: (in LA that’s a lot of time!)
- Have gratitude for every green light and through street to speed you on your way
- have gratitude for every red light and stop sign, to remind you to stop – take a deep breath – and just relax and be Present.
- And in between – to have gratitude for even having a car to drive.

After a while, you’re having so much fun, you’re in Gratitude for having gratitude!”

I’m grateful for you. Let me know how you’re doing.

Love, Rori

This is in answer to a comment by sifsgoldwig – (here’s the comment->) after a break up, and I thought my comment might help you, too:

I thank you, sifsgoldwig, for your heartfelt story and the great questions it brings up.  I can’t help you specifically to understand this situation – because spending ANY time, energy or heart at all in trying to figure out WHY a man does something is wasteful and useless, and will bring down your self-esteem and get you stuck in your brain, trying to “solve” problems instead of feel your way through things.

The bottom line all comes to ATTRACTION. A man who is “toxic” or immature, or in any way simply incapable of building the “muscle” necessary for being in a close, intimate relationship with a woman CANNOT be “fixed” by WILLING him, requesting him, or trying to “teach” him.

Attraction is a combination of YOUR inner strength, boundaries, and sense of SAFETY with yourself, physical and emotional chemistry which is completely beyond your control, and your ability to be open, vulnerable, in touch with and aware of yourself and your emotions, and the depth and clarity of how you express and share yourself with a man.

Once all that is in play, a relationship evolves and expands through how you both experience moments between you, and depends completely on the capacities of each of you to KEEP evolving, expanding and connecting with each other.

At any time, a man may walk away because he just can’t move forward.  He either can’t, or he doesn’t want to.  And the only way his reasons can be useful to know is how knowing those reasons can improve YOUR ability to evolve, expand, have boundaries and yet be soft and open – for the next, much better man who will show up.That’s why it’s so important to not concern yourself with HIS issues – but only to keep working on your own.

You didn’t “lose him” by telling him how you felt.  There are many, many more things going on here, and I hope my step-by-step processes shine light on those for you and help you go to a new place where everything will be much easier and more fulfilling.

Love, Rori