Have The Relationship You Want

I’ve turned a marriage just like this one around – let’s do it for “Lost His Love”!

“Hi Rori.
My situation is my Husband had an affair with his ex girlfriend. they use to date before I met him. We’ve been Married for 16 years and we lived together for 13 years, before we got married. So we’ve been together total 29 years. I love him very much and don’t know how to win his Heart back. He said he does not know how he feels about me and thinks he is in love with this other women. He told me he care’s about me and does not want to hurt me.

I’ve told him to move out to think about what he wants, but he is still at the house with me, and still sleeping with me in the same bed. We have sex once in a great while, but yet he says he does not feel anything with me. I am so confused and hurt, and don’t know what to do any more. I keep telling him that I love him and want to fix what is wrong in our relationship, and he has not said much about it. What am I to do? ‘Lost his Love.’”

Lost His Love, Welcome – and I’m going to have to tell you the short version – which is – invest NOW, in my ebook and Modern Siren.  If you can, get Reconnect, too, it will give you a real foundation for what you’re about to do.  I hardly EVER talk about my programs – the link to my catalog page is in the right-hand corner of the blog (“to programs”), you can get them that way right now – and there’s just no other way we can move this as fast without you actually having, listening to, watching the Tools in action. They will save this marriage this WEEK – I’ve seen it happen.

So – download the ebook now, and then get Modern Siren as fast as you can.

You can do this – I’ve seen it happen over and over.  You must STOP doing everything you’re doing and change EVERYTHING about you this very minute.

Go change your hair (go as long as possible, do not cut it – but change the color – put blond in it – have the hairdresser layer it and either curl it or straighten it – just so YOU feel different)

Go to Target or Ross or your nearest thrift store, even, and get tops in solid colors that are DIFFERENT. – I suggest RED – you’ll have to find the RIGHT color of red – don’t go orangy-red, go cranberry and berry red.  Get tight jeans and sexy, lacy tops.  Try skirts if you never wear them – show some SKIN. Everything needs to look good on you to YOU, so bring a friend for feedback and reassurance, or ask the men in the store what they think.  Look through magazines to help you get a feel for a new, sexy look for yourself. Get new shoes – get a pair of high heels and wear them when your man is around – just as you are about to…

GO OUT THE DOOR!! You need a class, an event, a whole schedule of fun, sexy things – try an acting class or improvisation class, or stand up comedy  class- somewhere where there will be Men – and where he KNOWS there will be men.  Go out for coffee with these new friends you’ll make.  Come home late.

Okay – I’m totally serious about this – do this today!!!

Remember – this is not about being sexy for HIM – this is about being sexy for YOURSELF – and for OTHER MEN. Yes – other men. You’re going to have to flirt, you’re going to have to get validation and feel attractive to other men out there, you’re going to have to up your self-esteem and your Degree of Difficulty. You have to learn Strong Surrender.

You’re going to have to throw yourself out in the world and be HAPPY – and feel completely unconcerned about him – in other words you’re HAPPY to feel free and experience all these new men out there (do NOT let your gremlins and whatever anyone else says throw you off this – you have to be on a “high” around this. Being a “sad sack” is just going to KILL whatever’s left of his attraction for you.

There’s just too much to say to do it here – but I’m feeling excited for you – because I KNOW you can do this. Go take a Pole Dancing class while you’re at it. Here’s to you! Let me know what happens after you have the book, you’ve digested it and are using ALL the Tools, and you have Siren and are effectively Circular Dating.

Now – to finish – STOP calling yourself “Lost His Love” – stop TELLING him you love him and want him back.  I don’t want you to PRETEND to feel differently – I just don’t want you to TALK ABOUT IT.

I want you to talk about all the COOL things you’re doing.  I want you to get excited about things that have nothing to do with him.  I want you to become interesting to yourself again.  I want you to pull your energy away from him and the marriage and put it on YOU.

I promise you – if you do this, for real, from the ground up, from the inside out and the outside in, you’ll see results with him within a week.  But you have to do the Tools – no amount of wishing is going to do this.  Get shopping and get out there right now!

Love, Rori

Ahhh…art class.  More wisdom from 3 hours sitting with a charcoal pencil, a slab of newsprint paper propped in my lap, and cups and saucers and bowls and bottles and teapots in front of me on a platform with my own, personal,  student light shining on them at the angle of my choice, than I could have imagined.

I took this class as a form of meditation.  I told the teacher I wanted a new way to slow myself down.  To BE instead of to think, and to be in process instead of working for a result.

This class isn’t at all about artistic expression.  It’s about nuts and bolts.  I’m learning to draw from the ground up, step-by-step, with precision, with “Tools,” one after the other, that stretch my ability to see and to draw what I see.

This kind of class was what I wanted.  I didn’t want to “express myself” freely.  I wanted to learn what a cup looks like and how to get that cup, at least the way I see it, and as close to the way it looks objectively, scientifically, pictorially, on paper.  I wanted to learn how to draw a cup.

And after I can draw a cup, I’ll learn to draw a face, and a hand, and then a tree, and then a forest.  And when I believe I can draw what I see in a way that seems right to me, correct to me, then I’ll start expressing myself.

I really wanted basics.  My whole life I’ve been skipping the basics in order to get to the end, and it’s taken me years to understand that it’s not the destination, it’s the journey that the whole trip’s about – and although I’ve heard that, and said that a million times, it takes the DOING of that to understand what that really IS, and to actually EXPERIENCE IT.

Some people have the gift of being able to EXPERIENCE naturally – but most of us don’t.  Most of us walk through a forest with the laundry on our minds.

Most of us have sex thinking about how it looks, how he feels, what it means.

Most of us go to work to get to the time we go home.

Most of us instinctively walk through things instead of sit down and enjoy them.

Most of us eat without tasting, live without enjoying, listen to music in our headphones instead of the birds in the trees, and believe our now is nowhere as good as our someday.

My Tools are meant to help you reverse all that, and in the process of reversing it, to become more magnetic, attractive, open, and LOVED, because in that process you become more thrilling to YOURSELF.

I find my joy in my imagination, in writing it down, and so, because that’s my nature – on top of a lifetime of being told my feelings were of no consequence, that only my mind was important – I have placed my focus on experiencing as the way to blend my joy in my imagination and joy in real life, too.

So, back to the cup.

I’ve noticed, in my art class, how every Tool I’m learning works equally well in ramping up my ability to receive love.

So, I’m going to write a whole series of relationship and love Tools based on these art Tools, with mirrors and plumb lines and reducing glasses, and triangles and stable points and how to sit and how to hold a pencil in the first place.

For now – just say this over and over to yourself:

“I intend to actually SEE what I see.  I intend to see ALL of what I see.  I intend to Experience all that I see.  I intend to make seeing what I see and experiencing what I see and feeling what I feel the whole, the only point.  I intend to have no end result in my mind, other than how good it would feel to receive endless love, to see love everywhere, and to experience love all over me.  I intend to enjoy every single baby-step.  It’s the baby-steps that ARE the trip, my man is with me on the trip, Love is with me on the trip, all I need to do is SEE them and experience them, and they’re there. The trip is what there is.  The trip itself is the way I love myself.  The way I love myself is the way I am loved.”

Let me know how that lands for you.

Love, Rori

Today is a HUGE party – one of the hugest parties in our history – the Inauguration of a new president – and it’s all about us hoping that the way things are will soon change into the way we WANT things to be.

So – I want to make this YOUR party – too – about the same thing – changing the way things are right now for you in your love life into the way you WANT it to be.

So – let’s Inaugurate OURSELVES!

Let’s make this the beginning of something totally new for ourselves – all the love and romance and  commitment we could possibly want!

Let’s do it this way, to start:

1. Tell me, right now – out loud, to your computer screen – that you…

Love YOURSELF.

Say “Rori, I love ME.  I love ______________ (put your name here)”

Say it like you mean it – I can hear you – I believe I can, and when you write to me or comment on my blog, I’ll hear you even louder…

2. Now say -

“I want love, romance, lifelong commitment and HAPPINESS with a great, great man.”

3. Now say -

“I deserve everything I want.  Even if it feels weird to say it out loud – I DESERVE EVERYTHING I want”

4. Now check out your body.

See if saying such an amazing, “out-there” thing has stirred up your Nasty Voice and made any of your body tense – check out your shoulders, your pelvis…your arms…

5. Now – find a Rori Raye Tool you can do quickly.

If you have my ebook – go to the mirror and look at your face, and listen to yourself at Level 2 (even though you’re not saying anything). Just be with yourself.

If you have my Heart Connection Toolkit – read “The Plan” over and over to yourself, and do a quick “Body Dialogue.”

If you have Reconnect Your Relationship – lay down on the floor or the bed and pretend you’re in the Rowboat of Love, being rowed to lifelong, happy relationship by the man of your dreams.

If you have Commitment Blueprint, imagine that you’re a “cup” and that all the good things in the world are coming into your body and filling up that cup for you.

If you have Modern Siren, either go outside right now and find a tree and hug it – or look around inside for an indoor plant (even a fake one will do) and hug it.

If you’re new to my work and are just reading my eletters – try this:

Wherever you are, put both your arms around yourself and give yourself a huge hug.

Say to yourself “This is a special day – it’s a beginning of something BIG for me…I’m Inaugurating my new life of love, romance, lifelong commitment and HAPPINESS.”

6. Now – be prepared to “bounce” around emotionally after this.

It’s an emotional thing – to love yourself so hard.

It’ll trigger your Nasty Voice and all the reasons why you “can’t have” what you want will start to flood your head.

So – be STRONG about this – whenever the Nasty Voice tries to undermine the good feelings you feel after doing any of the Tools here – let it talk, but DON’T DO WHAT IT SAYS!

In other words – don’t go back into the dark, sad, disbelieving place it wants you to go to.

Stay with the good feelings.

Keep hugging yourself, keep telling yourself you love yourself, and STAY WITH IT ALL DAY!

Let me know how you feel by the end of the day…just comment here…

Let me know how Inaugurating love, romance, lifelong commitment and HAPPINESS feels to you -

I’m going to hug myself ALL DAY LONG – so let’s do it together!

Love, Rori

I love walking my dog.  And drilling down even further – I love HAVING to walk my dog.  My code of ethics and what I believe being a good dog guardian includes is walking her every day – twice if I can, but once as a must.

So – I get out in the air.  I have to leave my cave of my mind and writing, and walk among people and trees, and do my Tools – be present, love every single thing I see, feel, smell, think, am.

And it occurred to me that if I felt that strongly about things that had to do with MY well-being as I did about the well-being of my dog – I’d be doing a whole lot more things for myself.

I’d exercise more regularly, I’d take care of my skin, hair, clothes, errands, everything – with more sense of purpose.  Or, at least, that it was ALRIGHT to SPEND that time and energy on myself.

So – who’s the dog in me?

Who, inside me, do I really WANT to take care of?

And – how’s that working inside you? Especially if you don’t have a dog that needs walking, or a child that needs tending – no matter how YOU’RE feeling?

I thought about this this morning: Let’s find something in ourselves that we absolutely, without any question, feel REQUIRES our TENDING, and that we feel totally COMMITTED to – and (and this is important!) that we WANT to tend to.

What can this be?

I looked around inside myself and thought of many things – the physical ones came to mind first – the physical tending.

And then I thought about the spiritual tending – meditating, resting, walking, being with others who’re meditating and tending to their spirits.

And then I thought about tending to my emotions – reading a novel and letting it take me emotionally, more sex and sensuality, really caring about other people and tending to them while I’m tending to me.

Then I thought about my mind – and realized – THAT’S where it’s EASY for me to tend.  Give me a crossword puzzle, or a Sudoku, or a problem of any kind to solve, and I’m on it.

And that’s my cage.  That’s where the dog needs to be walked.  And it needs to be walked OUT of my mind, and into my heart, my body, my spirit.

So – I picked one from each group.  You do that, too – right now.

Pick something you LOVE that has to do with your body – a bath, a walk, the gym, working out with balls and bands at home, makeup fun, hair fun, decorating yourself with clothes fun…

Then pick something that has to do with your spirit – doing your favorite Rori Raye Tools fills the bill there – try “Touching Objects” and “Being Present” with them (I think I start working with those Tools in my Reconnect Your Relationship program – and for now…just do these things “literally”).

Then pick something that has to do with your heart, your emotions, your feelings – perhaps something that triggers your sense of wonder, or triggers you to cry, or to laugh.  Perhaps that’s a movie, or volunteering for some cause you care about, or driving somewhere where there’s a gorgeous sunrise or sunset…

Let’s see if we can come up with whole great lists of these things – please send me your personal picks – and I want you to pick only ONE thing each for your body, spirit and heart – try it out, see if it has power for you, see if it’s something you can do REGULARLY – just like walking a dog.

I’ll come up with my list, too, and perhaps we can inspire each other as we go along.

The idea is to find a personal “calling” around these areas that are, truly, all together – our unique ESSENCE.

And how can this help you get the man and relationship of your dreams?

Simple – ATTRACTION.

There’s absolutely nothing in this world as compelling, attracting, and powerful and a woman who’s in touch with, and COMMITTED to – her essence.  And that’s YOU.

Love, Rori