Have The Relationship You Want

EVERYTHING works ORGANICALLY.

LOVE and Relationship work organically.

That means - from the inside.
That means - from your soul.

When you are down and depressed, it’s as though you’ve lost the connection to your soul, as though a blanket of numb has fallen across the cells of your being…

And this is where you need to take 3 actions:
1. Going further down into the sorrow, pain and rage, and
2. Actively allowing yourself to be moved with Good-Feeling feelings while you’re down there - like simply feeling moved to be alive…
3. Taking a step - any step - to explore the potential of any glimmer of good feeling.

A totally excellent way to do this step three is by volunteering to help others - and that’s what the impetus is here - and yet - remember I put a ban on giving advice from your masculine selves here - so -
Let’s branch out.  Let’s answer the question:

How can I help others, how can I make a contribution, how can I LIFT MYSELF UP so that I can make the biggest contribution?

In other words, feeling down gets you nowhere, if that’s where you’re choosing to live - and yet exploring your “down” is the only way UP!

This is the 6E’s of my Targeting Mr. Right Program and Modern Siren program - this is using ALL the Tools, and not just one side, all the 7 Steps of Commitment Blueprint, and not just one - and I believe, with all my heart that you are ALL doing this!

You are PROCESSING…You go down into your dark feelings, and then connect with hope and love, and come back up higher.

Just don’t forget to CHANNEL.  This is a crucial step…and I can feel, from the arc of almost everyone’s work here that you are all moving forward.  The more you move forward, the more you deepen the learning - that’s just the way it looks.

What I want for you is a feeling of “buoyancy” - where you feel like however deep you go, you’ll bounce back up to the surface and see and feel and experience how gorgeous everything around you is, including and most especially your own aliveness.

I’m going to do a bit about nutrition here - because sometimes that can hugely effect our bodies, hearts, minds…

So let’s try this:  Everyone stop eating sugar for one week with me.  Stop.

Let’s see what this does for your bodies (let me know) and let’s see what following through with something good for you triggers in you.

Everyone eat yogurt and/or take probiotics (any store has them) for one week, and let’s see what this does for you…

And let’s focus on Channeling this week - that means DOING things that feel good, experiencing your limits and your boundaries and your power, saying No to what doesn’t feel good, and saying Yes to what Does feel good.

Let’s balance your riffing with LOVING everything, and let’s put more weight on the good feelings you encounter, and then quickly move to a channeling item.

Bethany - you’re moving so fast through things - making choices now that feel good instead of feeling stuck in situations - you’re starting to feel more powerful.

Mercedes - just doing what you think might work in a relationship is not the answer.  it’s the experiencing of it that makes the difference.

Go see “He’s Just Not That Into You” - it’s terrific.  Watch the progress of the Ginnifer Goodwin character (you can see how much deeper and calmer and less needy and more on her own side she becomes with knowledge and practice) and the dignity of Jennifer Aniston’s character - very inspirational.  I’ll put up a series of posts about it.

Love, Rori

Here’s a lovely guest post by Tina Tobin of www.LuvemOrLeaveem.com

At some point everyone meets a couple that is so obviously not going to last that the biggest surprise is often how long it takes for the couple to realize that their relationship has been perched like a house of cards from day one. There are many couples that this can happen to, but I have definitely noticed certain patterns. I have divided these couples into categories which I believe are the types of relationships that were destined to fail from the start.

The “We Do Everything Together Couple”- Once you’re past your teen years, it’s no longer cute if you can’t do anything without the man in your life. In fact, it’s down right annoying to the people who know you and it’s a big red flag that this relationship is not right. I once knew a woman who brought her husband to Mom’s Night Out. We were all shocked at such sacrilege as she shrugged and said that they did everything together. We did our best to continue with this “man” at the table.

It was entertaining when he squirmed as we chatted about breast feeding and it was hilarious when he nearly choked as one of the moms made an inappropriate remark about wanting to hire the waiter as a pool boy (she doesn’t actually have a pool.) But despite these brief moments of entertainment we did not want a repeat and we “accidentally” removed her from the call list.

A few years later they filed for divorce. She said “they felt smothered by each other.” I don’t how they stayed together so long. It may have taken them all that time to alienate everyone they knew with their joined-at-the-hip routine, but this is the type of relationship that at least one member of the couple will tire of at some point.

The Volcano Couple- This couple can also be called the “We never fight” couple. Never or rarely fighting is good if it evolves from having arguments and learning to pick your battles. If it just comes from trying to avoid arguing or a fear of confrontation, then it is sure to be the start of a explosion that is gaining momentum under the surface. These are the kind of couples that seemed perfectly happy the entire time you knew them and then one day it suddenly ends. Once it ends there’s so much built up resentment that they seem to hate everything about each other, from the way they acted at their wedding ten years ago to the way they squeeze the tube of toothpaste from the top instead of the bottom.

The “We Have Nothing in Common” Couple- Yes, opposites attract, but you need to have things in common to make a relationship work. It’s good to be opposites in some ways. For example, I’m a saver and my husband’s a spender. I make sure he doesn’t bury us in debt and he makes sure that we have fun with our earnings.

It works wells that we handle money differently, but we definitely have more things in common than not. Often couples that may seem to have nothing in common discover that they do have many things in common once they get to know each other a little better. If after a few months with someone you are both still giggling about how you have nothing in common it is just a matter of time before you have a break-up in common.

The “Look at Us” couple- This couple is on a mission to have everyone admire them. They come in many varieties. They may focus on looking perfect together, letting everyone know how successful their careers are, or letting everyone know how in love they are (which usually involves way more details than we want to know.) No matter which variety they are, their focus is to look good to the outside world above all else.

I’ve seen the ultra successful couples last for a few years, but it always ends and they seem to come out of the relationships thoroughly exhausted. That’s no surprise really, it’s hard enough work making a long term relationship last when you focus on just the two of you. When you add the pressure of trying to impress everyone, it’s just too much for one couple to handle.

So there’s my list of the couples that I believe are a failed relationship just waiting to happen. I know that there are many other types, but these are the ones that I seem to come across most often in my little corner of the world. Please feel free to comment about the types of couples that I have listed, or about the types of couples that you think are most likely to fail.

I really enjoy Tina’s site, and I liked her idea here of a “couple.” We’re so used to seeing only our side of things when there’s conflict and difficulty - and it really does take two to make an unhealthy relationship.  What you can see here is a total lack of communication, a lack of telling the truth…and it’s interesting to see Tina’s take on what all this looks like from the “outside.” Love, Rori