Have The Relationship You Want

Your quads are in the front of your thighs, and your gluts are in your butt. They actually ARE your butt.

So how can the way you use those muscles possibly make any difference in your love-life?

Because when you walk around every day mostly using your quads to hold you up and move you, you are automatically Leaning Forward.

When you mostly use your gluts to walk around, you’re automatically Leaning Back.

Of course, we need both sets of muscles working together — and in OPPOSITION to each other — to keep ourselves strong and healthy and on our feet.

But what happens with so many of us is these two muscle groups get all thrown out of balance.

And which set gets stronger?

Your quads. The ones in front. The ones that are pulling you forward. The ones that make you Lean Forward.

Even if you work out, and you work those gluts, the chances are good that your quads, in front, are even stronger. Try this:

1. Go ahead and take your clothes off and stand in front of the mirror.

2. Now turn sideways. Stand normally, don’t try to have good posture just stand in a way that feels normal and right and the way you usually stand.

3. Take a look at the lower part of your belly and pelvis and how your pelvis relates to your upper torso.

Does it look like your pelvis tips backwards as it goes from belly button to hip? Away from your belly button? And that your butt sort of curves away from your back?

Does it look like you’re sort of leaning forward? Like your whole body is slightly tilted forward?

Notice where you are on your feet. Do you feel like you’re more on the balls of your feet than solidly planted on your whole foot?

4. Put your hands on the front of your thighs. See if you can feel the tension level there. Now put your hands on your butt and see if you can feel the tension level there.

5. Now see if you can play with shifting your weight to the front of your feet and then backwards to your heels. See if you can feel the difference in the tension in the front of your thighs and in your butt. See if you can tell a difference in the mirror. See when you’re tilting forward and when you’re tilting backward.

6. Now stand in the very beginning position of the Rori Raye Dance Position — put one foot behind the other (so you don’t fall over). Look at yourselves standing sideways in the mirror, and see if you can get comfortable tilting your upper body slightly backward.

See if you can tell the difference between how your quads in the front of your thighs are working and how your gluts in the back of your hips are working.

7. Now take this out into the world. See if you can tell when you’re Leaning Forward and when you’re Leaning Back. See if you can tell which muscle group you’re using.

This has made a huge difference in my awareness of how my body contributes to the “vibe” I radiate.

Let me know how it works for you. Love, Rori

If you’ve become “exclusive” with a man before the ring is on your finger and the wedding date is set – how do you handle the ups and downs and insecurities and weirdnesses that come up – the very things that my Circular Dating tools are meant to help you avoid?

There’s a firm line between “dating” and “not dating.”  But Circular Dating embraces a much “grayer” area – and that’s how you “relate” to all men, everywhere, even though you’re technically “exclusive” with one man.

Here’s part of a comment from Jacqueline – and my answer to this part will help you turn that black-and-white way of looking at this into something much better-feeling and more helpful:

“Dear Rori,

…since we’ve been dating for 8 months and have had marriage, kids, etc on the table as well as our timelines (he told me his timeline for marriage and kids is 6 months later than mine). we have a great relationship…I see myself with him in the future. I love him and he loves me.

My question with exclusivity: I accepted his third request for exclusivity after our talk about it and my agreement of terms. However, after hearing your program, I feel like I should date other people.

I do, however, think this would be painful to him. He’s done everything to show me he is invested and loves me (meeting my family several times and me meeting his). I would think he would want to break up if I said I wanted to date other people…..since he’s been a great man to me.

What if when i say to him, “you can take all the time you need, I don’t want to put pressure on you or on the relationship…I’m just not willing to shut my options down right now” that he’ll say, “well I want to be with someone who will be true to me and us.” I want to know you have the ability to be faithful to me down the road. And this dating other people shows me you can’t be and that you might cheat on me in the future.

Then what? Thank you. J”

Here’s my answer:

You can Circular Date without actually DATING anyone – just flirting and letting men come up to you and talk with you and EXPERIENCING that your options are open. It’s having the solid confidence that if your man slipped up or got wishy-washy – you’d be able to go out and have fun with a new man at the drop of a hat. That vibe in you is all you need for now. This is what my Targeting Mr. Right program is all about.

So – without trying to give you all the nuts and bolts of the program, let’s just talk here about how this could work in your MIND.

1. Stop Guessing.

There’s a BIG thing I hear in your letter – and that’s you GUESSING.  You’re guessing “what he would say” if you were to give him the “No Boyfriend” speech so that he can understand it.

2. Define what YOU mean by “options open.”

I’m certain he would not expect that you would not TALK to another man.  Will you feel guilty talking to another man?  Flirting with him?  Letting him ask for your phone number or email address?  Giving you his business card?  Or does this feel natural to you under the circumstances?

Everywhere you go, and everything you do, there are men.  All sizes, shapes, colors, types…and men all the same.  You can either close yourself and your body down around them, or you can…

3. Keep YOURSELF open.

You can either radiate a “I’m not available in any way” vibe, or you can radiate a  “I’m not married- give it your best shot” vibe, or you can radiate a “I’m exclusively involved at the moment, and I plan to be married, yet I’m open to finding out who you are…” vibe.

There’s all kinds of ways to be in this world – and closed down is my least favorite.

There’s a big difference between having your vibe be completely open and available and actually GOING on a literal “date.”

And there’s a big difference between having coffee at a coffee shop with a man who just came up to you out-of-the-blue, sat down and started a conversation, and letting him pick you up and take you to dinner.

There’s a lot of gray area in there.

4. Embrace the gray area.

In your MIND – see what you can find in that gray area that would work for you.

A gray area you can actually put into words, that you could actually share with the man you’re exclusive with.  (so you can stop guessing.)

A gray area you can be comfortable with – so that you are always living the Rori Raye Mantra last line – Trust Your Boundaries, Follow Your Feelings, Choose Your Words, and most important here…

5. Be Surprised.

Your willingness to be surprised, and to be curious about the world around you and the people in it – including men – can be HUGE.  This is ALL Circular Dating.  It’s ALL accessing and using the “Diva” part of you that truly lives – 100% – IN the world and doesn’t shut down her sensuality and sexuality and feminine vibe under ANY circumstances.

It’s about how you can…

6. Be in a state of ROMANCE with the entire world.

I’ll write more and more about this – but for now…simply put on your “romance” glasses and see the world through them.  See everything as interesting and romantic, quaint and curious, fresh and inspiring…basically something you can love by just loving yourself in its presence.

Let me know if this jogs your thinking around this – and get out in the world and see if you can relate to men in this open way even though you are exclusively involved with one man.

Love, Rori