Have The Relationship You Want

I love this guy. I get these every day from Tut.com. He’s Tom Dooley (of The Secret…yes…), but I think of these as from The Universe…

I can assure you, Rori, that the time will come when you, too, will ask, “In what fields did I sow seeds to deserve so very, very much?”

Then I’ll remind you that the whole sowing-seeds-cause-and-effect concept was just a myth, because you were born deserving.

Hosanna in the Highest,
The Universe

Yeah, should’ve told you a long time ago, Rori. My bad.

Tom’s whole thing is this:

Thoughts become things…choose the good ones.

And I love this. It’s not about turning your negative thoughts into positive ones via affirmations…it’s about CHOOSING the good ones out of all the thoughts you have going on at any given moment. And how do you choose the “good” ones…?

Not by some kind of mental “judgment” that “this is good and this is bad” …but how it FEELS when you think it.

How, if you were to follow that thought and DO the thing that thought is thinking about doing, or the place that thought is thinking about putting you in…how THAT would FEEL.

Same with all the feelings you have. Instead of trying to label a feeling as bad to have (grief, let’s say)…and trying to turn it into something else by distracting yourself or talking yourself out of the feeling…go INTO the feeling for a moment. Honor it. Let it know it’s welcome in your repertoire of feelings. Embrace it, sink down into the feeling Soup where it came from. And THEN…

Feel what ELSE you feel. There are so many floating around in that Soup at any given moment.

If you feel yourself in your head thinking thoughts - choose a different thought that shows up…that drifts by. See if some better-feeling thoughts lead you to some better feeling feelings. See what’s connected to what…what good feeling thing leads to another good feeling thing.

See if there’s something in the Soup that jumps out for your attention that feels a bit better than where you are now…and just GO with THAT one!

I know it sounds too easy…but truly…we make it all so HARD on ourselves.

We cling to our bad feelings as if they are BADGES. We all feel so instinctively guilty for simply feeling Good — we get into our heads trying to JUSTIFY feeling good. Trying to put down in writing how we DESERVE this good feeling.

So…this short note says it all.

You don’t have to DO anything to deserve to feel good. That’s the natural way of things. Feeling good. When bad things happen, and tragedy strikes, and day-to-day challenges seem impossible to get past…yes…the icky feelings get triggered, the fear, the guilt, the sense that we’ve brought all this down on ourselves (after all - if we believe we deserve to feel good only because we DID something to deserve it — then we must’ve done something bad in order to be feeling something bad, right? Well - not right. Wrong.

Think about innocent babies born into unloving, abusive homes. It’s such a horrible thing to contemplate, we struggle to find meaning in it. When it all gets painful to consider - the way people suffer all over the world…I go to trying to figure out a reason why, too. But now, I prefer to bless my personal good luck. I prefer to be in the troop that is working for peace as fully and powerfully as I’m able - to harness all my abilities in the service of good feelings for ALL.

Bottom line…the difficulty for so many of us is - Is it okay to feel good when others are suffering?

And my answer - that is the ONLY choice. The only way you and I can have any effect on the world, can help raise it out of misery, is to engage in creating peace. And everything we’ve ever heard on that one is true - it begins with us. It begins inside you.

Peace happens when the people who feel good and believe in feeling good and are not run by fear or pain and continue to promote feeling good (not by numbing pain) tip the scales in power over those who are driven by fear and greed. This happened in Liberia, where the women rose up, took possession of their country, and stopped war.

You cannot access your full power to affect change in yourself and the world until you claim your entitlement to feel good…no matter what. That’s where the power is. Even anger can feel good, too. Feeling feelings can feel good, just because you feel alive and feeling, and that feels good.

Everything is transformational. Things are always moving. Allow yourself to be moved. And just — and it seems so simple, but try it — make the intellectual decision that you HAVE many choices in any moment. Then choose the good-feeling choices.

Let me know how this works for you…Love, Rori

Here’s a comment I wanted everyone to read:

“I kind of got blown away today and I don’t know how to take it and I am wondering if I am reading more into this than what it actually means.

Since reading this blog here I have started to lean back - way back, and now I also have Rori’s book to help me. It is difficult for me to do at times, it would be so much easier to go downstairs with the every day things and ask or get his opinion on something.

Instead, I am not doing that, nor am I talking with him about our relationship and how much I would love to work things out for us. I’ve basically been doing my own things and every now and then he comes and shares with me things about his interests (diving and boat) and some other things that are on his mind. He has always done that to some extend but there for a while it was a lot less so, but lately (the past 2 weeks or so) he is looking me more into the eyes and sharing more things with me.

Today I went downstairs to get the vacuum cleaner and I waited for a few seconds for him to come out of the bathroom to maybe have give him a chance to talk about whatever. He came out, saw me there with that stupid household appliance, went out of his way to grab it, then looked for his coffee cup, carried both upstairs (with me following him letting him be the man doing something for me), and then he started talking to me about something that is totally not anything that I should, would or could know about even though it has to do with diving. He told me about another person that he knows and what he is doing in life right now and what is happening.

To be honest, I felt a bit - flabbergasted - might be the right word, about him sharing this with me.

I don’t know. What I do know is what I felt - what I felt was that I just wanted to rush over there and just hug him and kiss him for helping me with the cleaner. He has not done something like this in a long time. But I didn’t do that though I felt like doing it ( I am aching for a hug from him).

For a moment I really felt like a woman, a lady, appreciated for doing what I was obviously going to do. To make the whole thing even stranger, it kind of gave me the energy to do it, even though before I felt and thought ‘damn this kitchen and dining room needs cleaning AGAIN’ - I hate cleaning, laundry, dishes etc, - I love cooking.

Anyway, while he was telling me and sharing with me I just leaned back, listened to him and kept eye contact with him. I felt he was giving something to me and I just received and I just let him be him and me be me.

Thinking about letting his male energy in, because that’s what it felt like to me. I didn’t stuff anything down, except my impulse to go over and kiss and hug him but I let myself feel what I was feeling. Wonderment, surprise, some warmth, at the same time some anger cause I want it to be like that all the time and things have so deteriorated, yet at the same time a feeling of us dancing around each other, circling each other, not literally but emotionally in a way. Like he is waiting for something and the same for me.

As you all know during this time I am trying and succeeding in small steps in getting my things organized. So I found this Chinese hat the kind the rice farmers wear and something else that I didn’t know if he wanted to keep or not. So I put on the hat and went to him and asked him about that other item. He bowed down with his hands held together in front of him, like the Chinese and Japanese do, with a shit-eating grin on his face, saying something to me in Chinese (he’s been there and speaks a few words of the language).

Would a man do that if he really felt it was over? Or is he trying in his own way to maybe make a step forward to working things out the only way he knows how?

Did I act or react in the right way today? I really would love some input on this, cause when it comes right down to it I am somewhat confused.”

And here’s my quick answer:

This is a classic result from using the Tools with a man - no matter where a relationship, or a date, or a conversation is right now:

Stop Overfunctioning + Open Heart = More Love

The more you keep doing what you’re doing, the more he’ll step up, the better you’ll feel, the more you’ll trust yourself and him, the safer and more excited he’ll feel — and then the sky’s the limit.

Unless he hits his “wall.”

Sometimes a man has a limit.  A place where his abilities stop him cold.  Where he can go no further, no deeper.  And what do you do when that happens?

You will simply lose interest. That’s what I wish for you, and that’s been my experience with clients who pined after a man until who he really was got suddenly clear.

If you are Circular Dating, you will be continually taking care of yourself, you will not have invested yourself entirely and exclusively with any man until you KNOW if he has a “wall” or not.  Until you KNOW if he can “do the job” of making you happy for the rest of his life.

Brava for this comment - you go girl! - and every encouragement I can toss you so you’ll just keep doing what you’re doing.

If you have any great stories like this…please let us all know!

Love, Rori