Here’s a letter from Jessica – and it’s pretty much a “guest post”:
Hi Rori, my name’s Jessica, and I’ve been reading your newsletter for a couple of weeks now.
I’ve really really enjoyed what you have to say – it has helped me so much with my confidence and feelings of self-worth just in the little while since I joined your mailing list.
I wanted to tell you about my experience recently with circular dating…
I recently met up again with an old, old guy friend who I haven’t seen since we were kids. We met on a 3-day-long training activity, where we were in the same group for the duration of the weekend.
It took just a little while at the beginning for us to figure out who each other were, but then we just really hit it off.
I had a blast getting to know him again over those three days – and was quite appreciative of the good looking man he’s grown into.
We just kind of hung out and flirted the whole weekend, and then I saw him the next weekend at the formal dinner & dance following our training. I mentioned to him that I wanted to hang out more and that he should call me some time – and was a little taken aback at the lukewarm response I got, given how much fun we’d been having up til then.
The problem was, I could *feel* myself starting to get hung up on him.
I had actually just recently before this gotten out of a sort of non-relationship… a guy I had been extremely hung up on and pursuing for months, but at the end a mutual friend finally pulled me aside and informed me that he was now exclusively dating someone else.
I felt like a complete idiot, but after some time I was able to get over it, and actually was feeling more flirty and outgoing than ever before, really ready to get back into dating when I met my old friend.
But so, when I read about your circular dating method and about not getting hung up on any one guy, just after getting the lukewarm response from my friend about hanging out more, I was able to take a step back, take a deep breath, and remember how confident and fun I’d felt just prior to meeting him, when I wasn’t looking for anyone in particular and wasn’t interested in focusing on any one guy…
That was about a week ago, and just in that time I’ve already seen a huge difference in how I relate to the men around me, and how they relate to me.
Just in the last couple of days, I’ve had several other guy friends notice me, flirt with me, or seek me out to spend time with me in ways they’ve never done before – and just yesterday, I saw my old friend do a complete 180.
*He* was contacting *me* and wanting to hang out, instead of the other way around.
It was kind of funny – I actually missed when he tried to contact me, and he just left me a message – but I didn’t feel worried about the fact that I’d missed him.
I do still want to hang out with him and would love to get to know him more and see if this goes anywhere beyond friendship now that we’re adults, but I was able to stop myself from getting hung up on him, and have seen such a huge improvement in my relationships with all the guys I hang around, that I wanted to share this with you.
So it’s not a success story about someone finally finding Mr. Right or saving their ailing marriage, but it is a big success for me – and a testament, I guess, to any other single ladies out there who don’t know why they can’t seem to get away from being single and dateless… circular dating and remembering that *you* have to come first, not him, is really the key.
Thank you so much for sharing your tools and discoveries with all of us! I look forward to reading your next letter!