Have The Relationship You Want

“If your relationship isn’t easy, that’s a really good indication that it’s not right”

This is straight from Evan Marc Katz – and a comment from Emerson said how unrealistic this is – and I wanted to write about it:

The ONLY thing that gets in the way of a relationship being easy is our own stuff.

Our own fears of intimacy that keep trying to derail love.

Where we actually don’t FEEL it for a great man who loves us, where we try to create obstacles, where we shut down, where we want more (or less, or different…)

Where a man has stuff going on (moods, sexual issues, etc..) and WE’RE making it about US and are afraid to talk about it with him.

The truth is – and every one of my relationship coach friends says the same thing from their own marriages and client’s experiences: With the right man – More…

There’s a scary dating and relationship place we all get to at one time or another:

He’s pulling back.

He’s quieted down.

He’s feeling “confused”

He’s not calling you like he did or leaning forward like he did.

There are two possible explanations for this:

1. He’s decided he’s not all that into you, or that you’re not “the one” – and he’s withdrawing slowly rather than lose being with you when he has nothing else going on and likes your company.

2. He’s hit the point – likely at 3 or 4 months of dating you (the classic timeframe for this) – where he’s thinking about what to do More…

Here’s a letter that actually made me feel hopping mad!

“Hi Rori,

I am feeling all stuck and screwed up again over this man – I’ll call him “J”.

He came back again since last time. We had another batch of seeing each other. This time I didn’t sleep with him and I stayed leaned back. Last week he mailed me and asked to see me. I said ‘It would feel GREAT to see you and I don’t feel good accepting dates without a time and confirmed plan.’

There was no response.

This week he has ‘unfriended’ me on Facebook.

I think it is because at my birthday party (a few weeks ago) I let another man dance with me (and he also kissed me briefly when we were alone). Then “J” kinda stepped in and ‘claimed’ me. Bear in mind before the party I had not seen J for about a month and he More…

Here’s a great guest post by Marni Battista:

“Why am I still single?”

This question plagues just about every woman who comes to Dating With Dignity for coaching.

Invariably, before coming to me for help, she has asked this same question of her girlfriends, her mother, her best male friend, and even her therapist.

More often than not, when a woman comes to me for coaching, she has enjoyed success in so many other areas of her life, but has been unsuccessful at finding and/or keeping a loving relationship; and she is, to put it simply, More…

I’m as not-knowing now as I was long ago.

Yes, now I know some things that I didn’t know then. I know about some vitamins and supplements I didn’t know about then. I know not to take personally some things people say to me.

I know a bit more about myself, and I may know a bit more about others.

But – truly – I’m not any smarter than I ever was.

And being “sure” of anything, or feel “knowing” about anything is just some smoke-and-mirrors job my brain is doing.

And, the kicker is: It’s the same brain I’ve always used.

The truth is – we can’t solve anything now with the same brain that got us where we are. Yes, it may be more refined, mature and More…

Phyllis Chase, my wonderful Monthly Interview Expert this last month and my long-time friend is doing a teleclass series, so I wanted to pass on the information to you:

Dear Rori Fans,

Thank you for all the wonderful things you had to say about the interview I did with Rori! She is so great, love talking with her.

Now, you can have the chance to talk with me. I am very excited to do this tele-class for you.

Love On Purpose!
The 7 week course powerfully connecting women to their life purpose and the extraordinary joy of intentional loving.

I usually charge $700 for this course but have offered to do this class for Rori’s peeps for half! $350, that’s just $50 a night for a 60-90 minute class. It depends on how much sharing we do and how many questions.

The class will begin on Wednesday, October 19th and will continue every Wednesday for 7 weeks, (except the Wednesday before Thanksgiving), the last class being Dec. 7th.

At 5 PM PST 7 PM MST 8 PM EST

Dates: Oct. 19, 26, Nov. 2 (my Birthday), 9, 23, 30 & Dec. 7th.

Everyone will probably miss one class, (Hey, life happens!) so you will be able to listen to the recorded class.

I can’t wait to do this class for you all. I want 10-12 people so we have that much energy to bring to the class, so “bring” a friend!

Every week you will also get the pdf file for this week’s lesson and homework assignments.

You’ll define your Purpose On the Planet, what my clients like to call their POP, because when you get clear on what you are up to all sorts of things pop into place, or pop you to the next level of your goals, personal and professionally. For more info go to www.PhyllisChase.com and see a longer description of the course and testimonials.

Best email: TheProblemshrinker@gmail.com

Call me at 310-402-8888 if you have questions or to have your 20 minute consult. Can’t wait for you to get your POP! You’ll get amazing results that will make you shine.

–
Phyllis
Phyllis Chase, MA, MFT
www.phyllischase.com
310-402-8888

Love On Purpose!
The 7 week course powerfully connecting women to their life purpose and the extraordinary joy of intentional loving.

Host of Shrink Rap KCSN 88.5 FM,
Named “Best of LA” by Los Angeles Magazine.
Streamed live worldwide at www.kcsn.org
6:30 PM on Tuesdays

From Rori – I love passing on the work of people I love and trust – so if you’re a coach, be sure to let me know and I’ll pass on any information on the work you do – and feel free to leave information about what you’re doing (complete with links) as a comment….  Love, Rori

I came up with this image today on a group coaching call – Are you like flypaper?

Where you attract all these men, they buzz on in to you – and then you trap them?

You hold onto them?

You care whether they stay or go?

If this feels like you – just caring too much what happens with any one man – just pave over your flypaper.

Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches.

Make it soft. Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to More…

In Sedona, it’s red. Rocky and red and pretty and almost too perfect.

Like a village built to look at.

It looks like even the natural, majestic rock formations were built to look at.

And they change. Over time, over millions of years. But they feel unchanging, and look unchanging, and only what walks and runs and flies through them feels like change.

People, and bunnies, and water and birds.

We climb, we walk, we fly…and when you walk the path for the first time, you don’t know where the end is. But once you’ve walked it, you do…and so the second time you walk it it’s not unknown or surprising anymore.

Can you look and see and feel and experience more when you don’t know what’s next?  Or when you DO know what’s next.

In a relationship – you never know what’s next.  But you can predict.

If it’s happened before, it’ll happen again.

People have patterns. Men have patterns. We have patterns. More…

Since I started writing, speaking and coaching around masculine and feminine energy years ago – many people assumed I got my ideas from Dr. Pat Allen (who I adore and who made a huge difference in my life), the author of “Getting To I Do.”

And though I was encouraged by Pat Allen’s work – where I really started formulating my methodology was from the work of Shirley Luthman, long ago. Her books “Collection” and Intimacy” are amazing.

And then there was Shakti Gawain, who expanded on Shirley Luthman’s ideas, and then Aletha J. Solter’s “Helping Young Children Flourish.”

Here’s a quote from Shirley Luthman:

“You must put your feminine, intuitive power in control and use your masculine, yang force [assertion] to support and express it. The internal distortion of this principle – the split between yin and yang – is the basis for all problems, power struggles, and distances between men and women.”

And, she says, “It is not enough just to acknowledge your feelings and begin to act upon them. The intuitive must be in charge, and the male energy must back it up instantly, without question or doubt.”

As Shirley is basically saying – our relationships with men are merely a reflection of the internal dynamic (and often the struggle) between the yin and the yang inside us.  Between our masculine and feminine energies.

And this is where all our work is – to put our feminine energy first. To trust it, and use our masculine, “boy” energy to go into action for our inner “girl.” To back us up – without question or doubt.

And then – a man will do the same!

Love, Rori