Have The Relationship You Want

Hi – if you’re the last-moment kind of girl (like I am) – and you want to take a chance on my 4-week teleclass – go here to read more about it and sign up!  I’ll be doing these about 3 times a year, and I do them differently every time.

This is the lowest-cost one I’ve ever done, so if you want to take advantage of new stuff, new Tools, new ideas, new kinds of coaching techniques I’ve developed with my clients and group coaching…go take a look:

http://www.coachrori.com/how-to-find-love-and-keep-it-forever/

Love, Rori

(Also – if you’d like to be on my private “event list” to get notices of teleclasses and other events I might be doing or things, books and people I might be recommending, just email my assistant Melanie@CoachRori.com, and she’ll put you on the list.)

I came upon an old box of things I’d saved, and this passage, from a workshop I once did with the great Georgina Lindsay-Carroll, was among the papers.  To me – this is all about Circular Dating:

A man who, being really on the Way, falls upon hard times in the world will not, as a consequence, turn to that friend who offers him refuge and comfort and encourages his old self to survive. Rather, he will seek out someone who will faithfully and inexorably help him to risk himself, so that he may endure the suffering and pass courageously through it, thus making of it a “raft that leads to the far shore.”

Only to the extent that man exposes himself over and over again to annihilation, can that which is indestructible arise
within him. In this lies the dignity of daring.

Thus, the aim of practice is not to develop an attitude which allows a man to acquire a state of harmony and peace where nothing can ever trouble him: on the contrary, practice should teach him to let himself be assaulted, perturbed, moved, insulted, broken and battered – that is to say, it should enable him to dare to let go his futile hankering after harmony, surcease from pain, and a comfortable life in order that he may discover, in doing battle with the forces that oppose him, that which awaits him beyond the world of opposites.

The first necessity is that we should have the courage to face life, and to encounter all that is most perilous in the world. When this is possible, meditation itself becomes the means by which we accept and welcome the demons which arise from the unconscious – a process very different from the practice of concentration on some object as a protection against such forces.

Only if we venture repeatedly through zones of annihilation can our contact with Divine Being, which is beyond annihilation, become firm and stable. The more a man learns whole-heartedly to confront the world that threatens him with isolation, the more are the depths of the Ground of Being revealed and the possibilities of new life and Becoming opened.

From the book:  The Way of Transformation by Karlfried Graf von Durckheim

***Also – A reminder about my new 4-week teleclass on Mondays at 5:30 PST – “How To Find Love, Reconnect Love, and Keep Love Forever” starting on Monday January 30th.  Go here to find out more about it and sign up:

http://www.coachrori.com/how-to-find-love-and-keep-it-forever/

Love, Rori

Here’s the definition of “high strung”:

Adj. 1. high-strung – being in a tense state
jumpy, nervy, overstrung, restive, uptight, edgy, highly strung, jittery, tense – in or of a state of physical or nervous tension

To me, this was the worst.

I did NOT want to be this “tense, jumpy, uptight woman I thought I was.”

And then….something interesting occurred.

I ADORE the author Richard Bach. His Jonathan Livingston Seagull” is my “bible,” has been More…

I so want to do as much as I can to personally get to know you, get to know your unique situations and issues, and help you as much one-on-one as I can – and I’ve experimented with several ways.

This year I’ve tried small group coaching by teleclass – and that’s been amazing, and still not available to you as much as I’d like – so I’m doing a 4-week teleseminar at 5:30 PST on Mondays,  starting January 30th – called “How To Get Love, Reconnect Love, and Keep Love Forever” (yes – I want to cover ALL of your situations and problems!).

I want to figure out a way to make this cost-effective, and yet personal…so if you’d like some extra help (and new Tools I’ve created with my clients and in the group coaching) – you’ll want to take a look here at what the class can do for you===>>>

http://www.coachrori.com/how-to-find-love-and-keep-it-forever/

If you’re ready to just sign up for the class from here – go straight to Paypal:

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=BSRXDYBWGYU22

I look forward to having you on the calls!

Love, Rori

There are so many books out there that talk about what to “say” and what to “do” – to “play hard to get,” “have boundaries,” “don’t let him get away with stuff”…and the IDEA of STANDING UP TO A MAN is great -

- But if you “play” at anything – if you PRETEND to feel a way you DON’T actually FEEL – you’re being untruthful to yourself, and then your self-esteem drops down to the bottom and then everything goes downhill with it.

Telling a man how “wrong” he is – even if he’s done something thoughtless and hurtful – is USELESS.

It’s useless to try to “correct” a man’s behavior because:

1.  It makes him instantly feel defensive - and as he becomes defensive, he LOSES his ATTRACTION for you.

And when he loses his Attraction for you – he loses his MOTIVATION to work HARD to keep you and the relationship.

He doesn’t see or feel a way of WINNING with you.

He feels like he’s always hurting you or disappointing you – he can never do anything right.

2.  Making him “wrong” makes him see YOU as NEEDY!

That’s right – he sees YOU as making him the center of your world.

If your man is good enough for YOU – you can turn your relationship around, and if he’s not, you don’t have to “give up” – you can just “lose interest in him” yourself!

I know it sounds too easy to be true – but this is how it works, and I know because I’ve tried to turn so many men who weren’t good enough for me into husbands and pushed away so many men who may have been good enough for me.

And I also know – because once I figured this out it was like I’d taken a magic pill – that you can both turn things around on a dime, and you can lose interest in a man you were once crazy about on a dime – all without any work or pain at all.

You Need To Know HOW To Talk To A Man – About ANYTHING! Here’s How To Learn:

If you’re enduring the back-and-forth of a “Rubberband Man,” or longing for love and feel like there’s no good man out there for you – I can help.

Every day with my clients I come up with new Tools to help you turn your love life into what you want it to be – fast, and since we’ve experienced amazing, dramatic turn-arounds in my group coaching classes, I wanted to open this up to you in my blog community, too – you can join the next class series on January 30th…Just go here to learn more about the class:

http://www.coachrori.com/how-to-find-love-and-keep-it-forever/

If you’re ready to just sign up for the class and make sure you have a space saved – just go straight here to Paypal:

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=BSRXDYBWGYU22

Hope to see you on the calls!

Love, Rori

How are you trained to get attention?

A woman I know complains, sees problems and fault everywhere, and cannot seem to appreciate people when they do caring things for her.

The amazing thing is – this attitude actually gets her the attention she craves!

BUT…what kind of attention IS it that shows up?

I call this “Pulling Flak” and seeing it as “love.”

What looks like love to you?

Love, Rori

So much to share from my English countryside road trip!

First up: Trade-Offs.

I like lush greenery everywhere, and am willing to be rained on for it.

And, at the same time – I miss the sun.

Yet – when the sun comes out and it’s hot – I feel dull and tired.

So…What am I willing to give up for…what?

I haven’t placed my priorities for nature and weather, but I have for relationship. What are yours?

Trade-offs in relationship:

Number one, always – he loves me.

He loves me, he’s devoted to me and my welfare, he looks out for me, he thinks of me first (or at least right after he thinks about himself). More…

When you don’t feel loved, honored, cared for, appreciated – how do you say that to your man?

If I made it a game for you, where you couldn’t vent, or yell, or complain, or make him wrong – or even say the word “you” to him – how would you say it?

In the most truthful, fully expressed way possible?

Write it out for yourself (and post it here if you like) – and then TRANSLATE it into Feeling Messages.

Just rework what you instinctively want to say – how you want to hurl your upset at him – and write it all in POETRY, from your heart.

Make it only from you, sharing your feeling state and not linking it at ALL to what has happened or what he’s done or not done, or who he seems to be or not be….

And what if there is no man right now?

If you’re Circular Dating and finding that “intimacy” is about your intimacy with YOU much of the time?

It’s the question: “How can I feel sexy, or lovely, or desirable, or “intimate” if there’s no man here to feel that with?”

And the answer – if you really ask yourself – has to be: All this has to happen inside ME, first.

Love has to circulate in your OWN inner system before you can fully experience it in relationship with the world – otherwise what happens is:

We intellectually take in that there’s a man, in relationship with us. We think our way through it, we experience the physical aspects of it to some degree, we experience emotionality to some degree – but all the depth, all of the REAL experience just slips by us.

We make assumptions about what’s going on.  About who we are, about who he is, and about what this is supposed to look like.

We ignore inner voices that are telling us that this is all for US to “make up” however we wish to “make it up” – and steadfastly choose to see things as we always have.

We assume that a lack of “chemistry” at the beginning of knowing a man means “love” isn’t possible.

We assume “true love” is what it’s like in the movies, without considering that perhaps it looks and feels completely different in OUR real life.

We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment.

We judge all kinds of things – and the more power we give to our image of a man – the less power we give ourselves to feel, organically, what feels right for us -  instead of what we “think” is right for us.

Intimacy is where it’s at – so how can you FEEL a sense of intimacy when there’s no man in your life at the moment, or the man in your life just doesn’t feel emotionally intimate to you?

For me it starts with feeling intimate with ME – where I’m hearing all the voices inside me and not ignoring any of them.

How about you?

Love, Rori

Are you feeling like you’re too smart for a man?

Like you have to hold yourself back and make yourself small?

All of my clients who came to me “hung up” on a man are so much more brilliant, beautiful and successful than the men they’re hung up on.

Is this a pattern of yours?

Are you drawn to men with “black clouds” hanging over their heads?

Not necessarily bad boys, but wounded boys?

Love, Rori

Do you find that more and more men seem less and less assertive when it comes even to sex?

Where everything from TV and sports to cell phones and work are getting in the way of even our basic instincts?

The way out of this is for US to get even MORE deeply in touch with our sensuality so we’re radiating a sense of comfort and calm and sensual energy – and then get out there and Circular Date with it!

Surrendering to the earth feels like surrendering to myself.

Often, just walking, I feel startled by how moved I feel.

Sometimes, as soon as I get alone and quiet and moving around and track the tension in my body as it moves around in me – I feel what I might call “sad.”

If that happens for you – try this: Replace the label (sad, mad, glad, afraid) with the word “Moved.”

Say to yourself “I feel moved.”

Love, Rori