Have The Relationship You Want

I saw this on the web and liked it – from Calle Zorro -

Sometimes, when a spouse realizes that they cannot ignore or get out of a conversation, they may try to shut you down and stop you cold by counter-attacking you.

If this happens, you simply acknowledge that you are completely open to discussing and resolving all issues in a manner that is satisfactory to both of you… but that you are not going to let other issues distract either one of you from addressing one thing at a time… starting with the issues you have already raised… and when those are resolved, THEN the two of you can move to the next set of issues to resolve.

I loved this – available to rent:

“Happy Thank You More Please”

Look for :

…the vulnerability of one of the female characters and her ability to speak and riff…

…the quality of the men….these are what you want (all except for one…)

…the beliefs we have about what we want that are keeping us from happiness…and a Tool to turn that around for yourself…

Love, Rori

Here’s a great guest post from my friend Shana James:

Walking into a café, bar or party, my mind often buzzes with questions about myself. Am I dressed okay? Am I as radiant as the other women here? Will men pay attention to me? At this point, I don’t take these thoughts too seriously.  A few years ago they sometimes paralyzed me. I felt nervous and anxious.

But guess what? The men I coached today told me the same thing happens for them! It is such a privilege to be let into hundreds of men’s insecurities and vulnerabilities. And so you know, I haven’t yet met a man who doesn’t have them. It’s so easy to think you’re the only one who is nervous, but it’s not true.

So, that’s the 1st thing to know about men.

1. Men are human too!

Men get scared. They have emotions. They doubt themselves. They wonder if they look okay. They compare themselves to the men around them.

There is a little boy inside every man, just as there is a little girl inside every woman, who has been hurt, disappointed, misunderstood and unseen.

Knowing this helps you stop putting men on pedestals. When you remember that men are human too, you can stop trying to hide your emotions and More…

I love these “Notes From The Universe” from Mike Dooley at tut.com and have been getting them, reading them, and feeling uplifted by them for years.

This one, for me, pointed directly to harnessing your desire and moving in the direction around men that most serves  your desires (I always totally forget these are written by a man, and just take them as straight from the Universe…):

For all things and non-things that you may ever want, Rori, understand that sometimes the fastest way to get them is to forget them, and to focus instead on just being the most amazing human being you can be. At which point all of your heart’s desires, spoken or unspoken, will be drawn to you more powerfully than a magnet is drawn to steel.

Have an amazing day,
The Universe

Here’s a great guest post from my amazing relationship coach friend Lisa Copeland at http://www.findaqualityman.com:

by Lisa Copeland

Time and Time again, I hear these discouraging words from my coaching clients: “There are just no good men out there for me to date.”

That would be true if you hate online dating, dislike going to bars, would “rather not” when it comes to singles dances or just don’t like the idea of speed dating and going from man to man in a matter of minutes.  For sure, it’s going to feel like no men are out there for you.

I know this is a common thought as well after a really bad date.  You get discouraged and think every man out there is a jerk and sometimes they are.  But if you let this one incident ruin your dating life you won’t be in the right frame of mind to meet great men and you could end up spending Saturday nights alone or with girlfriends.

Now, I want to share this huge secret with you-QUALITY MEN ARE EVERYWHERE and more and more of them are coming onto the dating scene daily looking for a new partner as their long marriages have ended.  The best news is they want to meet women just like you! More…

This is such a great letter from Teri:

“I wish I had some man crack.

But man crack is just like candy: tastes good for a while, but ultimately it is dispensable and In high doses is unhealthy. A little candy once in a while is okay…

But I think I’ve hit a new low. I have no explanation for why this would happen, and I don’t feel it’s on me to strain to find a “reason.”

Yesterday, I was at the beach. I took some much-needed “me time” on a beautiful afternoon. I wished I could have been with friends, but it was just as well alone. I felt like I could have say there forever.

And it wasn’t the warmest day ever, but I took my top off, with my green bikini on and let the sun warm my skin. I was feeling so More…

Just wanted you to know – we’ll be upgrading the blog tonight, Sunday at 8pm PDT…

…and (though I hope you won’t notice a thing) there may be some times from 8 to midnight when your comments won’t go through.

If that happens, please try again – and after the migration is done at midnight, the blog’ll move much faster for us!

Instead of turning into a pumpkin at midnight – we’ll turn into something way more streamlined…

Love, Rori

Here’s a great letter and my answer from Sheri:

Hi Rori!

My name is Sheri, and I have been following your readings for over a year now. You have helped me through a great deal of pain, misunderstandings, and have provided me with the patience I need in order to grow.

I have a question now regarding my current relationship. I’ve been involved with a man now for over a year. We’re in an exclusive, monogamous relationship, and have been living together for quite some time. I should also point out that we’re both in our late 20′s.

We’re in the same place emotionally — meaning that we want the same things from a long term relationship. We’re done with “dating,” and have been More…

If you have my Toxic Men program, and my Monthly Interviews program – you know how much I adore Todd Creager – as a man, as a therapist, as a coach, as an innovative thinker and teacher about relationships.  I just grabbed this off of his newest newsletter – go to his site and get your own for free!

by Todd Creager

Here’s a little clue to what YOU may need to develop in yourself to be a more fulfilling partner:  What is the trait about your partner that is the most irritating?

In most cases, whatever that trait is- is the very trait you need to develop MORE OF IN YOURSELF!

For example:

If your partner is too “irresponsible,” you may be overly responsible and need to be more playful and silly and less of a “manager.”

Or, if you’re partner is too “anal,” it may mean that you need to pay more attention to your own clutter and clean some things up.

This clue seems to work with our children as well. The traits that bug us about our children may also point to areas of ourselves that need more developing and attention.

There is something I say often that is related to this idea.  The thing that most attracted us to our partners at first later can drive us crazy. You may have liked that wild, crazy person you were dating; only now that you married him, you are tired of his irresponsibility.  We are attracted to people often times because they are manifesting what is hidden or latent in ourselves.

Let’s end this with some good news that I have observed.  When I have seen a partner take this “clue” seriously and begin to develop that “latent” aspect of him or herself, the other partner often changes as well and in a direction that is desirable. It’s as if there cannot be too much of one trait between the two of them so things start to balance out.

Try this and see what happens!

Here’s to getting the love you want,

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT
Relationship Therapist, Speaker, Author
Schedule your 30 minute strategy session with Todd
(714)848-2288
Todd@ToddCreager.com
www.toddcreager.com

Here’s a note I got from Sarah with this link (let me know what you think):

“Rori- this article in Psychology Today made me nervous- (here it is again on a blog)- how would you work around something like this?

http://scottbarrykaufman.com/article/why-nagging-women-and-silent-men-drive-each-other-crazy/

I own your tools, I’d just love to see a post about this issue if possible…. thank you!

Sarah”