or how do you FEEL about waiting around for a guy that you suspect currently has someone on the side?

I’m not sure you need to make a concrete decision but if you follow your feelings you will probably make choices moment to moment that feel good for you. (unless you are a masochist and there is nothing wrong with that. but if we are following our feelings and making choices we are either making the choices that make us FEEL good. or the ones that make us FEEL bad.)

plus rori recommends circular dating until you arrive where you want to be in your dreams of relationship.

xoxo

I feel thrilled in the ‘as if’ zone. I’d been doing that for a while, following the law of attraction, but it felt good to be reminded, especially in the deep of winter when things can seem grey for me. Woohoo!!

I really believe that trust=love and especially love=trust. I have noticed a vast difference in my jealous thoughts since I started some new affirmations and really started meaning them (scary but try them in a mirror

I started a real journey recently and I believe with all that is in me that it will change everything.

hugs! E

so i did lean forward and call my guy about the money, he called me back. I said I feel annoyed that I have to call you about this bill. he asked why i didn’t call him during the week, i said it didn’t want to have to and that I wanted to trust that you would handle this. he wanted me to come to get it, i said no, i don’t feel comfortable doing that, we could meet.he said i was feeling angry with me for not wanting to spend time and I said well i feel things too, i feel…(and then I labeled a few feelings I was having) It became a conversation about us. I said I was feeling unsafe and not knowing why maybe i am triggered from the past, but that i didn’t want to feel this way. I told him that I don’t want to be a girlfriend anymore, that I wanted the whole life, the husband the kids. I told him that I don’t want to be separate anymore. I want to live with my man and share our lives together. He said that I could move in with him at his mom’s. I said no, I don’t want to live there, I feel judged there and I don’t want to have everyone in my personal life. He said that he wasn’t ready to move. I said okay. He said then why did you bring all this stuff up, I said because I wanted you to be clear as to where I am at right now. He asked me out on a movie date, I said that would be nice.
So I’m thinking I did okay on the feeling messages and don’t wants, maybe i did a little too much explaining. But i’m okay with that. Anyway, when it was time to go, he tried to weasle out the date, I said no, and we went. He was not as attentive as I wanted him to be but I found a way to not judge him and be happy with myself in that moment by imagining that I could at any moment choose not to be with him. ON the line, he was staring out the window and I stared at his back and imagined waving to him as he was walking off my bridge and it was okay, I felt bad a little but not like all my dreams were dead. So we were in the movie and playing the dance of leaning forward and back, being close, being separate, I was also okay with that.
Anyway enough of the details so I feel like I made some baby steps in here, that i’m proud of. Even when we were having sex, I said this feels good, he asked why, I said cause it feels good being in your arms. I never said that before so it was cool, I enjoyed the feelings my body was having as he kissed me and not thinking about the things he wasn’t doing.
I found myself talking a little too much at some points and listening at level 1(you know commenting too many times) but I’m working on that. I also find myself very quick to give up my life when things are going good or okay for us. This year I promised myself I would realize my goals for me, so Rori’s walking the dog blog hit the nail on the head. I realized that I always doing that like when we are having hard times, I would focus on myself but then when we are ok, I focus more on him and the relationship, he even said that which i heard as profound bc i didn’t know it was that obvious. But I don’t want to do that this time, I want to focus on me all the time in any relationship.
Today i broke off a few plans for the day that I had with myself but I really wanted to rest and be in his company so he said what happened to your plans, I said I wanted to spend a little more time with you today instead. Then as I prepared to leave, I said I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to be out there in the cold. He begrudgingly offered to pay for a cab and I said yes i would like to have a cab. He then started acting mad saying all this money spending was going to stop. I said now I’m feeling guilty because I feel the comments are being directed to me. He said they weren’t and I said thank you then. On my way out, he just sat there staring at the tv, I just stood there and waited, then I say I’m feeling awkward standing here waiting for a kiss and a hug. He got up and squeezed me. And I left.
I feel good, I feel better than when we weren’t speaking at all, I don’t feel happy when our relationship is like that. I still want to circular date and focus on me, I don’t want to feel wrong about meeting more people. I’m feeling like we are just really good friends and that not being his wife will not be the end of the world.

(Hey Erin, It feels good having you here.)
tinque