No woman on this planet should ever be “asking for sex.” This kind of thing shows up often in long marriages and in relationships that are having other difficulties – but certainly not at the beginning.

Please start with my ebook so you understand how you’re pushing these men away and can try some Tools to change that right now. I wish you luck and look forward to hearing from you again. Love, Rori

I was at a music event last year and the musicians were young men who called each other ‘dude’. In the UK we use the term ‘bloke’ and my girlfriend and I got into a fun discussion about it. Next thing, I’m standing next to an attractive man my own age and I said ‘So – would you say you’re a dude or a bloke?’ and he said ‘Well now, I’m a geezer’. And we’ve been friends since, in fact lovers for a while. Great free therapy for both of us lol!! (I hope the UK humour translates across the Atlantic or my point will be completely lost I fear…!)

It was a spontaneous, unplanned remark that had great results.

Although maybe Christian’s techniques here are meant to be used more in the early phases of attraction, to get a guy hooked? I don’t know. I don’t even like the sound of trying to “hook” a guy….he should be trying to hook me! HE should be doing all this “work.” Ugh this feels very frustrating.

On the subject of experimenting, I did something interesting today. It was beautiful out, so I got all dressed up and went to the local botanic garden. Now this is not generally a place where one would find single guys wandering around, but I got it in my head that I would go to this one specific area of the garden, and there I would find a man and use Rori’s tools to get him to take a picture of me.

So I’m going about my business, giving myself up to trees, alternately feeling like a goddess and a freak. I got to my intended destination and suddenly was overcome by a feeling of disappointment, I felt that I would not succeed in my goal of finding a guy to photograph me. And then I felt resigned to that disappointment, and went on exploring…I was pretty much Riffing without the benefit of being able to write the feelings down…and then out of the blue two beautiful young men wandered in and were taking pictures of the garden. I watched from a safe distance to figure out whether I was actually going to get up the nerve to approach–and I know I’m not supposed to approach men for dating but I figured I might as well do it for an experiment–and it looked safe, so I walked up about 7 feet away from one of them and then just stood there in the Rori Raye Dance Position and smiled and said hi.

I definitely had the guy’s attention so I made my request, and he very graciously obliged. And then I wandered away and spent pretty much the next 10 minutes shaking because I was so amazed by what had just happened. And I looked up and they were there watching me from a safe distance, and then I got the hell out of there before they realized that I saw them! LOL.

Those guys definitely had a message for me and I think the message is “You CAN get what you want, even if you think it’s unlikely and have just about given up on getting it.”

Of course, then I came home and couldn’t get my husband’s attention long enough to express even 1/100 of what I’d experienced during the day…how frustrating…I went upstairs and sank into my feelings and just sobbed for a while, and then got bored with that and started dancing, and my intuition kicked in and told me that I could just go downstairs and get in his bed and play video games. And I’d been afraid to do this because it seemed like leaning forward, but the response was actually NOT negative, I got the attention and conversation that I wanted, and felt better, and I think he felt better because I wasn’t being tense or weird.

Now a question for Rori: What do you do if your man’s standard response to your Feeling Messages is “WHY?” And then you explain why with another feeling message and he follows up by trying to make a logical statement out of it…argh.

I think his contribution to women is gigantic.

And in this one area – it’s not that we disagree – it’s that it’s not my style.

In my experience, being clever, funny, flirty and coming up with smart one-liners and questions to start a conversation with a man is very, very, very advanced work.

I’m pretty funny in normal conversation, but I don’t think I could do this properly.

The problem with it is it requires THOUGHT. It requires being in your head, it requires moving away from your body and your feelings for the time it takes to think this up and say it – and that’s what all my work is about – moving AWAY from thinking.

Also – in real life – if what’s really going on is that you feel anxious and want to call him – then saying something like this will be utterly inauthentic – he’ll get right away from your “vibe” that you’re feeling insecure and weird and want to talk with him. So it won’t work.

And – the whole thing seems like so much EFFORT – doesn’t it? And the moment you start “efforting” – that’s when you start feeling resentful, you start feeling bad – it boomerangs on YOU.

That said – I’m all about EXPERIMENTING. If this feels like your style, try it and let the rest of us know how it FELT to you.

Love, Rori

here’s some food for thought… what is your imput on this…

“If you want a man to call back, give him a “reason” that’s interesting, unpredictable, fun, etc.
But most importantly, it’s got to be a reason that will make him FEEL ATTRACTION for you.
If you do something less predictable, like tell him…
‘Hey, since you’re going to Europe, if you’re good I’ll tell you a few secrets about what makes the French such great lovers… or great cooks… whichever you’re more curious about…’” – Christian Carter newsletter

Although a little corny, this seems to be trying to teach women to flirt… What do you think? Is this too leaning forward… or within bounds? It also seems to be setting the tone as having the man chase us because of the “if you’re good” part…

Do you think this is a good way of flirting… or will it backfire because it’s not a feeling message?

I seem to have lost some of the playfulness of how I used to flirt and gone into a more mysterious, deep “feeling” way of communicating with men… but am interested in experimenting and also how to work this into our feeling way of being…

Love and hugs…..Cassandra