Comments on: He’ll Feel Safe To Open Up With You When YOU Feel Safe With You http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Wed, 07 Jan 2009 00:34:06 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Sarah http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-1119 Sarah Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:54:18 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-1119 Is this because guys have built in "dont like spending a lot of time/effort on the girl im seeing" function. So they like women who are busy with themselves so that they dont need to do so much work and have more space? Is this because guys have built in “dont like spending a lot of time/effort on the girl im seeing” function. So they like women who are busy with themselves so that they dont need to do so much work and have more space?

]]> By: Cassandra http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-531 Cassandra Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:02:32 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-531 First of all....Rori....You are a blessing bigger than any words could express....secondly to all of the other strong women on this blog you are all an inspriation. Thank you. My situation is this....I moved from a very comfortable life in another state and city nearly a year ago to marry my boyfriend. We were going to go to the justice of the peace so we did not require alot of big, fancy plans. 1 month after I got here he announced (with no discussion whatsoever) that we would not be getting married in the timeframe that we had discussed but that he could not tell me exactly when we would marry - only that he does love me and will marry me...someday. (Oh and that we would not be having children once we do get married) I gave up everything for this man yet now am in a city where I know absolutely NO ONE and have no where to go. He has become someone that I don't even know. He does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants with NO REGARD for me or my feelings and is the most selfish man that I have ever met (A Narcissist perhaps??). In addition, I was layed off of my job the end of July and have not been able to find another job. I am living in 'our home' but he is gone Monday through Friday, working - he is an over the road truck driver. When he does come home on the weekends he is 'out with the guys' and does not include me in any of them. I decided last week that I am indeed done but my question is this - while I do still love him - I no longer respect him but I have no where else to go until I can get a job and get back out there on my own. What now?? My entire life is on hold because of all of this. I am so sorry that this is so long but any help that you can offer would be so greatly appreciated as I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper into a black hole of depression. I am also terrified of being back out there on my own - alone even though I am totally alone now. First of all….Rori….You are a blessing bigger than any words could express….secondly to all of the other strong women on this blog you are all an inspriation. Thank you.

My situation is this….I moved from a very comfortable life in another state and city nearly a year ago to marry my boyfriend. We were going to go to the justice of the peace so we did not require alot of big, fancy plans. 1 month after I got here he announced (with no discussion whatsoever) that we would not be getting married in the timeframe that we had discussed but that he could not tell me exactly when we would marry - only that he does love me and will marry me…someday. (Oh and that we would not be having children once we do get married) I gave up everything for this man yet now am in a city where I know absolutely NO ONE and have no where to go. He has become someone that I don’t even know. He does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants with NO REGARD for me or my feelings and is the most selfish man that I have ever met (A Narcissist perhaps??). In addition, I was layed off of my job the end of July and have not been able to find another job. I am living in ‘our home’ but he is gone Monday through Friday, working - he is an over the road truck driver. When he does come home on the weekends he is ‘out with the guys’ and does not include me in any of them. I decided last week that I am indeed done but my question is this - while I do still love him - I no longer respect him but I have no where else to go until I can get a job and get back out there on my own. What now?? My entire life is on hold because of all of this. I am so sorry that this is so long but any help that you can offer would be so greatly appreciated as I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper into a black hole of depression. I am also terrified of being back out there on my own - alone even though I am totally alone now.

]]> By: Christine http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-502 Christine Thu, 23 Oct 2008 07:37:59 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-502 Just wanted to share an experience I had last week. My husband and I were having an argument. I did compose myself at some points and use feeling messages, but he didn't want to talk to me, kept moving. I was so in masculine energy demanding he talk and give me answers - I see that looking back and am learning from it. On the positive side though, when he said he didn't want to work on our marriage anymore because it would never change and instead of turning into the begging for absolution, grasping, needy person I usually am when faced with the prospect of being alone I said I wanted to be clear on what he was saying because if that is so then I don't want to be here. There was silence because I really felt I would be okay leaving and he felt it. He reconsidered, and we talked briefly about starting fresh. And then I just let myself feel the mix of happiness of being loved, sadness over the distance there was between us, and sudden tiredness from holding it all in - tears just streaming down my face and completely open. All of a sudden he sat straight up and made a space for me, I just sat next to him, and he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. I said I hate feeling so far away from you, it's feels horrible. I looked up and he had tears in his eyes too. That is powerful. And Rori, I'm sure if I had a better grip on your tools we could have skipped the argument part and gone straight to the feeling. But that's okay, it's process. Just wanted to share an experience I had last week. My husband and I were having an argument. I did compose myself at some points and use feeling messages, but he didn’t want to talk to me, kept moving. I was so in masculine energy demanding he talk and give me answers - I see that looking back and am learning from it. On the positive side though, when he said he didn’t want to work on our marriage anymore because it would never change and instead of turning into the begging for absolution, grasping, needy person I usually am when faced with the prospect of being alone I said I wanted to be clear on what he was saying because if that is so then I don’t want to be here. There was silence because I really felt I would be okay leaving and he felt it. He reconsidered, and we talked briefly about starting fresh. And then I just let myself feel the mix of happiness of being loved, sadness over the distance there was between us, and sudden tiredness from holding it all in - tears just streaming down my face and completely open. All of a sudden he sat straight up and made a space for me, I just sat next to him, and he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. I said I hate feeling so far away from you, it’s feels horrible. I looked up and he had tears in his eyes too. That is powerful. And Rori, I’m sure if I had a better grip on your tools we could have skipped the argument part and gone straight to the feeling. But that’s okay, it’s process.

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-395 Rori Raye Sat, 18 Oct 2008 06:10:23 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-395 Welcome, Ann, and look forward to hearing more from you, Rori Welcome, Ann, and look forward to hearing more from you, Rori

]]> By: ann http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-389 ann Fri, 17 Oct 2008 23:00:24 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-389 Hi ladies, Hope you don't mind me joining in on this learning experience with. The more I read & practice Rori's stuff the better I feel about myself. Because my interpretation of what she's teaching is, the more I improve myself, the more I will become my best me. I will be good enough for myelf, I will feel safe with myself, all parts of me. I will enjoy my life instead of just being here. I look forward to reading more of how you ladies are growing & loving youself. Hi ladies,

Hope you don’t mind me joining in on this learning experience with. The more I read & practice Rori’s stuff the better I feel about myself. Because my interpretation of what she’s teaching is, the more I improve myself, the more I will become my best me. I will be good enough for myelf, I will feel safe with myself, all parts of me. I will enjoy my life instead of just being here. I look forward to reading more of how you ladies are growing & loving youself.

]]> By: alias girl http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-283 alias girl Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:07:40 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-283 my feelings are seesawing between feeling i'm about to break through to feeling super obssessed about finding a guy to feeling like a big loser with ISSUES. i feel OBSESSED mostly. i guess i have to trust it bc in my past when i got obssessed about something it usually led me down a good path. like being obsessed is excitement for me. and i love to be excited. but i feel OBSESSED with dating and meeting guys i like and finally settling down. maybe i am finally cooked. finally ready for a relationship. or maybe my obsession means i'm not ready? but i've wanted a relationship MY WHOLE LIFE. and i never settled and i left if things were utterly wrong and i went about my life and did other things and i have other interests and now i have rori's tools. i feel like one of those women that all she's ever wanted is to have a baby and for some reason she can't. All I'VE EVER WANTED IS A BOYFRIEND. but none of the men i picked or loved wanted to make me their girlfriend. :( my feelings are seesawing between feeling i’m about to break through to feeling super obssessed about finding a guy to feeling like a big loser with ISSUES. i feel OBSESSED mostly. i guess i have to trust it bc in my past when i got obssessed about something it usually led me down a good path. like being obsessed is excitement for me. and i love to be excited. but i feel OBSESSED with dating and meeting guys i like and finally settling down. maybe i am finally cooked. finally ready for a relationship. or maybe my obsession means i’m not ready? but i’ve wanted a relationship MY WHOLE LIFE. and i never settled and i left if things were utterly wrong and i went about my life and did other things and i have other interests and now i have rori’s tools. i feel like one of those women that all she’s ever wanted is to have a baby and for some reason she can’t. All I’VE EVER WANTED IS A BOYFRIEND. but none of the men i picked or loved wanted to make me their girlfriend. :(

]]> By: Daria http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-281 Daria Mon, 13 Oct 2008 06:13:58 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-281 thanks alias girl... i felt better today after i wrote the e-mail message... and erased his info... i saw another guy i used to really like and he was acting really into me... then I felt kinda weird and disappointed that he didn't stop me when I was leaving... my feelings are seesawing up and down from feeling good about myself to feeling that i won't find a guy i really like and lose the ones i do like (bad about myself) thanks alias girl…

i felt better today after i wrote the e-mail message… and erased his info… i saw another guy i used to really like and he was acting really into me…

then I felt kinda weird and disappointed that he didn’t stop me when I was leaving…

my feelings are seesawing up and down from feeling good about myself to feeling that i won’t find a guy i really like and lose the ones i do like (bad about myself)

]]> By: alias girl http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-279 alias girl Mon, 13 Oct 2008 01:34:11 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-279 wow that sounds like a painful situation that is bringing up a lot of deep feelings for you. i had a tendency in my past to pick men that were only capable of a sexual relationship with me. and truthfully it was all i was capable of with them. i Fantasized about having more with them but i wasn't capable and did not have the tools. (now i do thanks to rori!!! bring on the real relationship, real love, real romance, real compassion, authenticity and acceptance and safety and recognition of my flaws but loving myself anyway and knowing i am still deserving of love) anyway i have love for you as you feel all these feeling this siutation is bringing up for you. wow that sounds like a painful situation that is bringing up a lot of deep feelings for you. i had a tendency in my past to pick men that were only capable of a sexual relationship with me. and truthfully it was all i was capable of with them. i Fantasized about having more with them but i wasn’t capable and did not have the tools. (now i do thanks to rori!!! bring on the real relationship, real love, real romance, real compassion, authenticity and acceptance and safety and recognition of my flaws but loving myself anyway and knowing i am still deserving of love) anyway i have love for you as you feel all these feeling this siutation is bringing up for you.

]]> By: alias girl http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-275 alias girl Sun, 12 Oct 2008 20:17:29 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-275 i want to be a safe person for my man to let down his guard and let me in. i don't think that was possible before i found rori's tools. i had too much Strategy going on and self protectiveness. i feel ready! i feel ready! i have so much more compassion now. i feel ready! i want to be a safe person for my man to let down his guard and let me in. i don’t think that was possible before i found rori’s tools. i had too much Strategy going on and self protectiveness. i feel ready! i feel ready! i have so much more compassion now. i feel ready!

]]> By: Daria http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-274 Daria Sun, 12 Oct 2008 20:12:54 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-274 well you guys... I've come to a little problem... the guy I really liked who hadn't contacted me (well he did send a text and a couple of half-phone calls)... I wound up texting him to ask him a favor about the city he lives in... he didn't exactly help me when i needed it... but wanted to see me after work... then he wanted me to come to him instead of him come to me (this is emerging as my #2 dating issue, along with guys trying to have sex to soon at #1)... well i said no i don't want to... and he quickly said oh you don't want to... ok then we'll see each other another time... i said ok... now i wish i'd said I feel SO embarassed and furious... do you guys think this is the way to go? or is quickly getting off the phone (and thus moving away from him) the best? I think option one would be the authentic one... right? so I now erased all his numbers and texts out my phone... I sent him an online message that I felt So mad... not sure if that was the thing to do at all... then I erased him from my online site... so now I have none of his contact info and cannot contact him even if I want to :D - I feel like I'm burning up with embarassment and anger, and although I feel it's fun to feel my anger which makes different parts of my body heavy,, well its been a whole night now and it hasn't melted... plus I feel confused about how to deal with issue #1 and issue #2, my confidence is kinda going down and I find myself complaining about how I find men that won't step up all the way (not good). Help? well you guys… I’ve come to a little problem… the guy I really liked who hadn’t contacted me (well he did send a text and a couple of half-phone calls)…

I wound up texting him to ask him a favor about the city he lives in… he didn’t exactly help me when i needed it… but wanted to see me after work… then he wanted me to come to him instead of him come to me (this is emerging as my #2 dating issue, along with guys trying to have sex to soon at #1)… well i said no i don’t want to… and he quickly said oh you don’t want to… ok then we’ll see each other another time… i said ok… now i wish i’d said I feel SO embarassed and furious…

do you guys think this is the way to go? or is quickly getting off the phone (and thus moving away from him) the best? I think option one would be the authentic one… right?

so I now erased all his numbers and texts out my phone… I sent him an online message that I felt So mad… not sure if that was the thing to do at all… then I erased him from my online site… so now I have none of his contact info and cannot contact him even if I want to :D - I feel like I’m burning up with embarassment and anger, and although I feel it’s fun to feel my anger which makes different parts of my body heavy,, well its been a whole night now and it hasn’t melted… plus I feel confused about how to deal with issue #1 and issue #2, my confidence is kinda going down and I find myself complaining about how I find men that won’t step up all the way (not good). Help?

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-272 Rori Raye Sun, 12 Oct 2008 17:59:43 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-272 Reeshi - you Rock! This is how you HEAL YOURSELF...aren't you amazed at how you can do this yourself with some simple guidance? You are ALL totally amazing, and you're actually creating a new kind of profound "Therapy" - I'll have to put a name to it, for now we'll just call it "Feeling Therapy." Love, Rori Reeshi - you Rock! This is how you HEAL YOURSELF…aren’t you amazed at how you can do this yourself with some simple guidance? You are ALL totally amazing, and you’re actually creating a new kind of profound “Therapy” - I’ll have to put a name to it, for now we’ll just call it “Feeling Therapy.” Love, Rori

]]> By: Reshi http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-266 Reshi Sun, 12 Oct 2008 05:17:04 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-266 What a well-timed post, Rori! I just got home after spending quite some time absolutely overflowing with RAGE at the way my husband has treated me lately (and the way I've allowed myself to be treated). It would be so easy to just stuff the rage and go to bed and then wake up tomorrow morning and try to "get along" and "be nice." It would be so incredibly easy to just run away from facing him and making that Power Speech that I know I need to make. I'm thankful enough that I can FEEL the rage--you are right, it does feel so much better than the vague, leaden depression that's been pretty much my constant state for at least 4 months. Not so recently--I spent the last week pretty much crying nonstop and now I'm on to rage. And yes, there have been moments of happy feelings and loving feelings and sexy feelings in there too. Just tiny moments but at least I know they exist. And I'm so proud of myself for finally being able to stay still and feel all these scary emotions. Had I never heard of you, I would not know how to use these feelings to make him feel SAFE--nor that it was even possible! What a well-timed post, Rori! I just got home after spending quite some time absolutely overflowing with RAGE at the way my husband has treated me lately (and the way I’ve allowed myself to be treated). It would be so easy to just stuff the rage and go to bed and then wake up tomorrow morning and try to “get along” and “be nice.” It would be so incredibly easy to just run away from facing him and making that Power Speech that I know I need to make.

I’m thankful enough that I can FEEL the rage–you are right, it does feel so much better than the vague, leaden depression that’s been pretty much my constant state for at least 4 months. Not so recently–I spent the last week pretty much crying nonstop and now I’m on to rage. And yes, there have been moments of happy feelings and loving feelings and sexy feelings in there too. Just tiny moments but at least I know they exist. And I’m so proud of myself for finally being able to stay still and feel all these scary emotions.

Had I never heard of you, I would not know how to use these feelings to make him feel SAFE–nor that it was even possible!

]]> By: Erika http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/hell-feel-safe-to-open-up-with-you-when-you-feel-safe-with-you/#comment-262 Erika Sat, 11 Oct 2008 23:35:02 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=144#comment-262 Beautiful, Rori -- I love it! I especially appreciate the recognition that men too are struggling with the "bad training," and many of them are doing the same self-improvement work that we women are. We're all in this together! - Erika (www.awakeningfromthedream.blogspot.com) Beautiful, Rori — I love it! I especially appreciate the recognition that men too are struggling with the “bad training,” and many of them are doing the same self-improvement work that we women are. We’re all in this together!

- Erika (www.awakeningfromthedream.blogspot.com)

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