But what she has isn’t even close to enough.

For example, she doesn’t have integrity. She isn’t making win/win decisions, constructive decisions, the type of decisions that, if a man were considering her as a life-long partner, he would feel made safe and encouraged by. Would you trust a woman or man who felt “ok” about messing around with someone else’s spouse (willing or not) because they “felt like it”? Feelings are critical to feel and accept as is, but they don’t make my decisions for me.

Furthermore, she has a belief in scarcity. She has a belief in LACK. This goes along with Rori’s point about her “Disappoint me” sign. I believe in abundance. Its a difficult belief to maintain, because we all get very focused on what we don’t have, or what we FEAR we’ll lose. Its a normal human thing to have to fight off the cognitive falsehood that is belief in scarcity. But when you accomplish that, when you DO fight it off, you KNOW that you don’t need someone else’s husband – no matter how “hot” or “sweet” or “smart” or “sexy” or “into you” they are. Why? Well because there are a gazillion other men out there who are hot, sweet, smart or sexy and could be into me. Really. Seriously. There ARE.

Peace and abundance…
Kylie

I feel like telling you “don’t worry!” This is something I have been working on, too, because I am a much bigger flirt than I am easy, and when sex comes up (sometimes early on) man oh man does it get scary/awkward for me, because I feel a mix of not wanting to disappoint or mislead a man while also feeling a little resentful of his forwardness.

Although I haven’t figured out yet whether a man practically expecting or trying really hard to make it so that I will go to bed with him early on because I am a big flirt is a natural response that I shouldn’t resent, or if it is just plain sleazy, I have a little feeling speech ready to go for when it comes up so that I don’t have to feel bad or guilty for not wanting to mess around — and I don’t act like I am sorry or go out of my way to forgive him because the truth is that I don’t know yet if I really am “sorry” or if it is something I feel like forgiving:

“flirting with you feels good/like a lot of fun/etc. right now but it doesn’t feel like the right time to get physical; I’m just barely getting to know about you/how i feel about you.”

It is just a suggestion to get you started. I have only used this kind of message in particular one time so I don’t have any real data to back this up, but I like how my message is in three parts that authentically cover my truth about the situation: 1. I love the flirting (true) 2. I don’t wanna fool around yet (ultimately, is true, even if it could be fun) 3. If number 2 is to change and number 1 is to continue, I will need to know more about him and I will have to FEEL GOOD about it (so hopefully now he has a clear vision of my expectations).

No “Sorry”. No “Ah, gee, I hope this is going to be ok with you”. No “no, no, it’s ok that you thought it would be cool to try to fuck me straight away”. No just giving in and getting physical. No leaving the situation and hating him and me both for my having said I totally forgive him, or that it’s ok, or asking for forgiveness myself. These are always the kinds of things that I would anxiously avoid or fear with men. Now I have a speech for it. And I do believe I will go on flirting at will

One last thing, if the man tries to explain himself sheepishly or defensively with your flirtatious banter or behavior, you can always just shoot him a smile and simply repeat that flirting with him felt good.

Dunno, I’m new to all this but I wanted to help!
Love,
Dora

It seems very possible. Don’t worry, do what YOU want, communicate the awkwardness you feel (even now, because it seems you are setting yourself up for it by feeling worried… which is still ok btw…) and let him figure out how to make it better for you. You owe him nothing, not even a promise for next time. You are a Goddess.

My question, I have obviously presented myself as someone who he needs to go through a great deal of difficulty to get to. I want to do the six E’s, like experiment, but I do not want to sleep with him, as tempting as it might or might not feel, as I want to present myself as a valued person, not so easy. what is the best way to handle this? Originally he thought we should meet in the lobby of his hotel room and go for a walk, dinner. He said it would be “cheesy” to expect me to go to his room. I said I felt relieved he did not expect me to go. and that I would feel more comfortable meeting at the Metropolitan Museum. He completely goes along with that. How do I experiment, have this rendezvous, but keep myself worth in tact to be possibly considered, or at least not considered easy, without making it a rejection, or even a promise of “next time”. Even though it would feel thrilling to have an affair, it is unsafe, and I know it would feel horrible to get dressed and drive home to my kids afterwards.

In other words, I need a Diva way to handle this, without compromising same.

Linda G

Triza