Stress in a relationship feels way different than FEAR. Expecially fear of intimacy.

Fear of intimacy is when you feel yourself resisting speaking your feelings. You can feel it in your body. It feels like stress, like you’re trying to hold back the ocean.

You’ll have to decide if a man not having a car is a dealbreaker for you. It certainly would for me – because then it would put so much resonsibility on MY shoulders to handle the logistics of dating.

And I’d like you to reconsider this whole not wanting men to come to you because you live with other people. So what? If a man isn’t decent enough to meet the people you live with, sit in the living room and watch TV with you while your roomates or family walk through to the kitchen – then what would you want with him?

If you want to accept dates at the last minute – you can do it. Remember – a “Rock Star Free Spirit Woman” can do ANYTHING.

Rules are not because of the effect they have on a man, they’re because of the effect thay have on YOU.

Rules are to help you establish Boundaries when you don’t believe you have any.

If, however, your Boundaries feel good enough for you to trust them – and your goal is to have FUN, and you no longer get attached to men easily – then experiment!

Keep a journal, and be honest with yourself and true to your dreams. Make sure everything you’re doing is in alignment with what you want – and you’ll do great.

I love your comments, thank you so much for them, and it’s great to work with you in this way…Love, Rori

although I have gone to desperation before…

I do not want to fool myself that I am ok to call because I feel free… and in reality am “trying to make it happen.”

I will try to not follow any rules and follow my feelings…

I love helping people and a lot of times I want to help better the lives of people I meet, including guys (maybe especially guys). I know this is not feminine…

I so want to help though even by holding positive visions…

I have been holding back and I seem to have centered. I will try to ride it out if I have another down wave.

I feel much less lonely right now although I don’t seem to be more surrounded by people than before. I used to hang out with a group of guys (tomboy) and didn’t feel lonely with them, but felt like I needed them (my friends). I have moved away from them mainly because one of them I was having an imaginary relationship with (not the other though).

I hope I will continue to feel happy and not lonely. When I feel lonely I used to think that I should call someone, surely I shouldn’t “torture” myself by keeping myself lonely. That is kind of like desperation though I think.

Erika thank you again for answering!! It feels so wonderful to have someone to talk about this with.

I too try to use energy healing on my negative emotions. I really like Rori’s through the tunnel exercise, it sometimes works when other things don’t.

You were clearly not coming from desperation, neediness, clinginess, and even though you picked up the phone and called, when he came on the line – you were all “girl.”

Very advanced use of Feminine Energy – Brava!

Now all I do is follow my feelings, clear negative ones with energy healing. And do my best to practice universal love and find something to appreciate about everyone I meet.

Here’s the great irony … I went out with a guy last night who totally turns me on, and he said something no guy has ever said to me before. He said I am “like the Divine Feminine.” That he feels he can express his masculinity with me. That he loves how surrendered I am.

And btw this is a guy who I did contact when I hadn’t heard from him — turns out he was just preoccupied with something else. No big deal. Haven’t we all been preoccupied once in a while?

So somehow I got to the same result just by following feelings and ignoring the rules.

I know a lot of guys who don’t leave voicemails… in fact I went back to my home country and voicemail is hardly ever used there… Should I let them know that I don’t like to return calls unless they leave a message? Or should I leave them hanging? (Also should I return texts that ask me something if I don’t see them until a few hours later?)

Also what about guys that don’t have a car… I don’t want them coming over because I live with other people… And if I’m not supposed to meet them somewhere… how would this work?
Should I cut them out of the picture because of no car? I don’t want to do this…(but will if otherwise is overfunctioning).

AAAND… (yes I feel embarassed to monopolize and kind of excited hoping that I will maybe have an answer finally to this)… this is not so much of a tweak but…this is BIG for me:

I’m not sure I want to get married yet… I want to have lots of wonderful men to date and feel like I can attract any man I’m attracted to… So… is this fear of intimacy? Or am I ok to want what I want?

Thank you for any imput Rori and anyone else who gets “circular dating.”

I go through this EXACT same thing ALL the time!… I thought suggesting places was “not feminine” either… I’m glad to see this post.

I’ve been feeling super frustrated too… It feels so weird to just say “no I don’t like that…or that.. or that… (and I’m feeling really frustrated and annoyed that you are suggesting it)” LOL.

Actually I do not say the parentheses part out of fear of hurting his feelings.

Now that I think about it… sometimes I feel afraid to hurt a guy’s feelings and won’t express myself… for example I won’t say “I don’t feel physically attracted to you,” or I feel weird when he asks “Did you miss me?” And I haven’t…

My second dating hang up is about being spontaneous. Until now, I loved being spontaneous, absolutely refused to make plans in advance. I know Rori says we should refuse dates unless they are in advance… and it would feel so much better to say yes when I get asked out for tonite, if I am free.

Is this a total no no?