Comments on: If He’s Going From Passionate To Friendly

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:49:44 +0000

Bonnie, Welcome here, I hope you’ll keep commenting and letting us know how this great experience with Mr. Gorgeous feels – and your specific steps are very, very helpful and encouraging. You ROCK!! You’re just a goddess head-to-toe, inside-and-out. Love, Rori

By: Bonnie Zee

Bonnie Zee — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 06:11:52 +0000

Hi,

Thanks for your posting Rori.

Gals, I have to say how long and hard I used to fight for the wrong guy. I didn’t know I was fighting (against myself mostly) until a good guy walked into my life. The right guy feels effortless. Effortless was a word I never knew about until I have been having an experience of it whenever we communicate or see each other for 2 1/2 mos. now.

He tells me he loves me everyday. Sends me amazing text messages like (OMG, I can’t stop thinking about you. I feel like I have received the most amazing gift.) So how did this happen?

1. Feeling messages. What did I say to that text message above? “That feels wonderful.” That’s it. No paragraphs of words, just simplicity, easy.

2. Freedom freedom – that’s what I gave him. Meaning, I made no demands, I didn’t call him, I didn’t text unless he texted me first.

3. I kept myself in check – gals, this is one GORGEOUS guy. Straight out of whatever magazine you want to choose – so he has alot of options – and Rori’s techniques worked completely, but I couldn’t allow myself to get all sappy. When I felt like a puppy dog and wanted him, I did the opposite, I pulled back. What does pull back mean? It means, when he texts me I don’t respond in 30 seconds, I wait 15 min. It means the first time he asked me on a date (that same day) I said I wasn’t available until 2 days later (yes, that was almsot impossible to do but I did it), it means I use I feel messages all the time and continue to do so. And I’m not perfect. Sometimes I still offer information. Rori suggests not to offer information, and when I catch myself, I just make sure to keep it to simple I feel messags for a while after that.

And when I look back at all the wrong guys I tried to convince to like me love me, what a waste of my time. When it’s right, it’s effortless, all by itself. When it’s wrong, it’s hard and heartbreaking. Meanwhile, I’m still dating, until I hear the marry me words……

By: Why A Man Does What He Does

Why A Man Does What He Does — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:54:37 +0000

[...] about me (Rori Raye) or read some of my best posts.This is in answer to a comment by sifsgoldwig – (here’s the comment->) after a break up, and I thought my comment might help you, [...]

By: sifsgoldwig

sifsgoldwig — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 05:44:03 +0000

Some points in this article really hit home with me. Especially the phrase in Rori’s comment about it being hard to distinguish a guy who really likes you and is attracted to you from a guy who loves you. My first real (but as it turned out, rather brief) relationship ending after a few months with the guy, in an admittedly respectful and decent way, breaking up with me because we “were in different places emotionally.” I had somewhat naively told him I loved him a couple of weeks before. We had a long distance relationship that relied largely on phone calls and text messages since we could only arrange to see each other every other week. The confusing part about this whole situation is that, in the beginning, it felt like he was more deeply involved in the relationship than I was. He called me almost every night, he texted me jokes or just to ask how my day went, he wanted me to meet his parents just a few weeks after we started dating, etc. Then, seemingly at the precise moment I felt like I could trust his feelings for me and open up with him, he told me it was over. He said that he didn’t feel the same way for me and felt he couldn’t reciprocate my feelings. Even now, with a little distance (a month and a half) his reasons seem unreal. He said there wasn’t anyone else and I have no cause to doubt him, but for him to expect me to believe that I basically misunderstood everything he did or said to me is harsh. I feel like he did everything he could to make me fall in love with him and then the minute I expressed the feeling, he says he doesn’t share it. This situation has been hard for several reasons, one of which is the fact that he is essentially a nice guy and I still want him back. He did contact me less than a week after breaking up to tell me some emotionally difficult news (a family pet had died,) but ignored my subsequent attempts to offer him friendship and compassion. Since then I emailed him to gain clarification on some points, a step I considered necessary at the time, and he answered with respect, but recommended distance for the time being. That was a month ago and I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t know if I should hold on to hope and try to see if it’s possible for him to come back to me or simply move on. The worst of it is that I only discovered Rori’s relationship program after he broke up with me. I see now the mistakes I (unwittingly) made, but think that it’s unfair to be punished for acting the way I felt and doing the only things I knew how to do. I didn’t lie, cheat on, pick fights with, criticize, or manipulate this man. All I did was tell him how I felt and for that reason, I lost him.

By: alias girl

alias girl — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 01:35:12 +0000

thanks reshi. maybe i will re read the ebook tonight. bc i really want to find the best solution which allows the man to give WHAT HE WANTS freely and also for me to get my desires for romance met without making him feel like it’s not a gift or as if i am running the show. my man traits kind of do want to contribute to helping to run the show though. i don’t need or desire to be the leader or the one in charge but i would like to have a voice and express my likes and dislikes. maybe that’s part of it. using the word like. ie. i like flowers.

By: Reshi

Reshi — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 23:14:02 +0000

Alias Girl, I think you can say “I’d like to ride the gondolas, what do you think?” Men do appreciate direct communication when it comes to what we want and how they can make us happy. If I recall correctly Rori’s ebook said that you can express either a Want or a Don’t Want, but that sometimes a man has trouble hearing a Want because he thinks he’s being criticized.

By: Linda

Linda — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:07:09 +0000

Not sure if this is the right place to post this..

last night I made a horrific discovery. I had ordered Rori’s Toxic Man series several weeks ago and just got around to consiering it. Well, i made the 800 phone call. I went through the workbook without evenlistening to the CD’s, I was so tired. My guy topped out as completely toxic. I am so mad at myself that I didn’t assess this on my own. I am so happy with myself that a bell just rung in my head. I am even madder that I am still wondering what I could have done to turn it around, when he doesn’t even call any more. Furious I still want to. I am pleased with myself I am finally thinking, feeling my way through this and hopefully ending this obsession. Thanks, Rori.

By: alias girl

alias girl — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 18:56:02 +0000

i re listened to Rori’s Heart Connection Toolkit last night. it was really good. even better than the first time.i realize how often i am in man mode and i feel like i have to be in order to survive on my own. but still maybe not as much as i am. i think i can ease off on my manliness and the house won’t burn donw.

i don’t make odd demands from my girlfriends. i just accept what happens betwteen us. although i don’t really have close girlfriends. but it seems odd that i would make such demands for happiness from my significant other. so i feel confused. if i’m the one who wants romance i wish i could just be a man and say I’d like to do this what do you think? i’d like to go ride the gondolas before our trip ends. what do you think? i feel confused. i don’t feel satisfied with trying to drop hints and shadow dance around things i want. i feel confused. i definitely don’t want to make demands. and i don’t want to make it a Don’t Want guessing game until he hits on gondolas.

By: Caj13

Caj13 — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 12:01:26 +0000

My psychologist friend once said to me, as I was going on and on as usual ‘trying to figure things out’: ‘Sometimes, Understanding is the booby prize’.

That struck and bamboozled me, then I remembered how Rori encourages us to get out of our heads. Staying there, using only our intellect and analyzing to understand, just won’t get us where we want to be. Part of my resistance to this idea of ‘understanding’ as un-useful, was that the word also means empathizing, sympathizing. And that is just what we are being encouraged to do: empathize (feel with), sympathize (feel for) ourselves, our whole emotional and physical selves.

Obsessive ‘understanding”/figuring things out in our mind will just keep us stuck. ‘Having understanding’/compassion for our hurt, angry, depressed, desirous, joyful selves is the path to both receiving what we need and being able to SHARE our love, to everyone’s benefit including our own, and not give/throw it away to our detriment and no one else’s true benefit.

Alias Girl – so glad to see you reworking /rewording things till they fit you. that’s the way to go: saying out loud or writing down the different things as they come up is one of the main ways the feminine brain functions to determine what the truth is for us. Guys often take this for “changing our minds all the time”. It’s nature’s way for us, so be it.

And as I re-read, embroidered to myself on what I wrote about romantic for you, I realized “Hey, me too!” I love it when going to a restaurant is a delicious and esthetic experience. That I already knew, but haven’t been able to insist on. So I’m refining with “don’t wants”. I don’t want to go out just anywhere to ingest food. I don’t want to stay in and fix it myself to have something decent to eat (this is what happens too often, and guess what? NO reciprocation, but the one-way habit gets installed).

By: Linda

Linda — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 03:11:19 +0000

Going from passionate to friendly. yeh, done that. going from friendly to dropping off the face of the earth. ouch. I hate that I am so obsessed attached to him. I hate that my friends say he was so passive aggressive. I hate that they are right, but it’s the holidays, not something I usually care about. but we’ve known each other since childhood and when we reconnected lst year, we reconnected with a small group of friends from our childhood, everyone comes to my house. his absence is painfully clear to me now. I know I should stay away. I am trying hard to date with little satisfaction, though times when I can get it together to use Rori’s tools, reactions have been outstsanding. I foolheartedly sent a blip with a link to a happy song along with a change of email address to him and everyone on my email list. I heard from people that have been MIA for months, years. But not him. Listening to all Rori’s programs. They are starting to make me depressed. I hate I am such a victim. But I love I can see that now. PS how can I invite someone who is not there?attract someone who is not there? I know his message is loud and clear. I just don’t like it. can’t bring myself to accept it. I feel insignificant.