“Rori, I live in a large metro area, and one man I Circular Dating lives about 45 minutes away. We have a date for dinner & dancing tomorrow night, this will be our second date. He asked if he could pick me up (I met him at the coffee shop the first time we met).
I felt weird when he asked me, and was not sure if it was a good idea, but I want to move out of my comfort zone and experience new things, so I said yes. We were talking on the phone the other night and he made suggestive comments.
One of the comments he suggested we have a “pre-dinner” drink when he picked me up and we may not make it to dinner!” and said “I feel very warm, I believe I am blushing,” to which he responded by laughing and saying how much he liked me. We talked about dancing and he mentioned how dancing is very intimate. I said I felt apprehensive because I have not been dancing for many years; he said not to worry that he doesn’t think anyone will be watching me, except him. It felt thrilling to be flirted with, and I enjoyed the attention.
Today I have been thinking about this conversation, and am worried that he may want to stay when he takes me home. I have wrote some scripts but I’m wondering about timing – should I wait and see what transpires, but have a script ready for a few scenarios? Or do I bring it up at dinner?
I feel more confident since Circular Dating, and I want to continue to practice my feeling messages. What do you think?
What a great situation and question! This is the point at which you have to SPEAK!!!
And speak the truth – just as you’ve told it to us here.
You need to simply feel powerful enough to be able to say “No” no matter what.
This isn’t about sex – you can have sex with a man whenever you want and it’ll make no difference to the relationship.
This is about YOUR confidence, what you want, and your FEAR of your lack of confidence and displeasing a man.
Write yourself a speech like this one – where you say you… felt so flattered by his flirting, and yet you’re kind of new to dating, and so it feels a bit overwhelming, and it would feel best to just be clear about sex, since it got brought up. That you really like him, and aren’t ruling out sex once you get to know him better, but that you’re a slow starter and may need some time to just really make out with him first!
Don’t give a timeline, or how many dates…just – if he brings it up again, or is suggestive – get straight with him.
And then – if you like him and feel attracted to him – DO make out with him – and say NO when you’ve gone as far as you want to go.
If he doesn’t call again – well, then you’ve smoked him out!