Comments on: Recover From An Imaginary Relationship http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/recover-from-an-imaginary-relationship/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Tue, 16 Mar 2010 18:28:24 +0000 hourly 1 By: Susan http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/recover-from-an-imaginary-relationship/comment-page-2/#comment-7111 Susan Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:18:28 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=296#comment-7111 Thanks Jem, I was heartened by your story and am really happy that things worked out for you. I have met quite a few new people, but I can't seem to stop thinking about him (even at work) and this near-continuous yearning from the moment my eyes open in the morning. I know that I should be looking at this as an opportunity to grow and become a better and more rounded person, but I can't answer the question why I could not have done all these things while still being together with him... Thanks Jem, I was heartened by your story and am really happy that things worked out for you. I have met quite a few new people, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about him (even at work) and this near-continuous yearning from the moment my eyes open in the morning. I know that I should be looking at this as an opportunity to grow and become a better and more rounded person, but I can’t answer the question why I could not have done all these things while still being together with him…

]]> By: Jem http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/recover-from-an-imaginary-relationship/comment-page-2/#comment-7092 Jem Tue, 17 Mar 2009 18:50:52 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=296#comment-7092 Don't worry, if you don't take many of his attempts to communicate with you the "friend" trap he's trying to provide for himself will fade. He'll soon be looking for you and wondering what you are doing. I too, was in the same boat. It was hard but I avoided all his attempts because I didn't want to fall into that trap. It took 6 months before I caved to speak with him over the phone versus a few one string sentences at least once a month from his attempts to keep contact. I once indicated I was really busy and right after Christmas his seeking me out was growing increasingly more and more. So, like I said, keep yourself busy. I joined a Meetup group so I could get out and see new venues I had not ever seen before in the city where I live. I've met new friends through it and some really good networking for things I might of not needed at the time. Such as a good hair salon, a good mechanic, etc... So give it a chance...www.meetup.com fill out your city and scroll through the meetups you might be interested in. I joined three. I've been busy since that time. My ex-boyfriend is now my boyfriend again. He's treating me way better than I could ever imagine. He's even hinting at the situation I wanted not what he wanted. He's always been a turtle but he's not pulling away any longer. It's been since September of 2008, when things started to grow again. It was like starting over. He keeps telling me how I have changed. Even this past week, when I went overseas to see him he's indicated that. The best time I've ever had with him. Keep moving on... Don’t worry, if you don’t take many of his attempts to communicate with you the “friend” trap he’s trying to provide for himself will fade. He’ll soon be looking for you and wondering what you are doing.

I too, was in the same boat. It was hard but I avoided all his attempts because I didn’t want to fall into that trap. It took 6 months before I caved to speak with him over the phone versus a few one string sentences at least once a month from his attempts to keep contact. I once indicated I was really busy and right after Christmas his seeking me out was growing increasingly more and more.

So, like I said, keep yourself busy. I joined a Meetup group so I could get out and see new venues I had not ever seen before in the city where I live. I’ve met new friends through it and some really good networking for things I might of not needed at the time. Such as a good hair salon, a good mechanic, etc…

So give it a chance…www.meetup.com fill out your city and scroll through the meetups you might be interested in. I joined three. I’ve been busy since that time.

My ex-boyfriend is now my boyfriend again. He’s treating me way better than I could ever imagine. He’s even hinting at the situation I wanted not what he wanted.

He’s always been a turtle but he’s not pulling away any longer. It’s been since September of 2008, when things started to grow again. It was like starting over. He keeps telling me how I have changed. Even this past week, when I went overseas to see him he’s indicated that. The best time I’ve ever had with him.

Keep moving on…

]]> By: susan http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/recover-from-an-imaginary-relationship/comment-page-2/#comment-7090 susan Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:39:50 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=296#comment-7090 Thanks Jem... I think you're right.. that's what I plan to do, but I'm worried about falling into the "friend trap". I know that there are many things I could have done differently, I know that I can't go back and change, but I do feel that we were (are?) right for each other. Also, I'm finding things a bit difficult as I live in a city where I don't know that many people. I have taken steps to make new friends, but this will take time. Thanks Jem… I think you’re right.. that’s what I plan to do, but I’m worried about falling into the “friend trap”. I know that there are many things I could have done differently, I know that I can’t go back and change, but I do feel that we were (are?) right for each other. Also, I’m finding things a bit difficult as I live in a city where I don’t know that many people. I have taken steps to make new friends, but this will take time.

]]> By: Jem http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/recover-from-an-imaginary-relationship/comment-page-2/#comment-7075 Jem Tue, 17 Mar 2009 01:05:47 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=296#comment-7075 Well, that's great. However, it sounded like he needed to get his fix. Meaning, he sees you, misses you, but when you took the bait to see him, he realizes you still miss him too. Somewhere in his mind he thinks you'll wait for him. I say...keep your distance. Don't always answer his text, emails or phone calls. Keep yourself busy and everytime you feel the urge to contact him or respond call a girlfriend. It will all work out, let him miss you more...Do the circular dating. Well, that’s great. However, it sounded like he needed to get his fix. Meaning, he sees you, misses you, but when you took the bait to see him, he realizes you still miss him too. Somewhere in his mind he thinks you’ll wait for him. I say…keep your distance. Don’t always answer his text, emails or phone calls. Keep yourself busy and everytime you feel the urge to contact him or respond call a girlfriend. It will all work out, let him miss you more…Do the circular dating.

]]> By: susan http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/recover-from-an-imaginary-relationship/comment-page-2/#comment-7071 susan Mon, 16 Mar 2009 21:00:40 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=296#comment-7071 Yes, I did.. I tried to keep it as "light" as possible, and he did too. If someone were watching us, they would have thought that we were a completely normal couple, joking around and having a nice conversation. He asked if I "understood" what had happened.. I replied that I understood that I didn't *need* him to make me happy, but that I did miss him. I felt that my heart was breaking inside.. I got the impression that he still felt something too, but that it was almost a matter of honor/pride that he stands by his decision.. I wish I could feel better.. Yes, I did.. I tried to keep it as “light” as possible, and he did too. If someone were watching us, they would have thought that we were a completely normal couple, joking around and having a nice conversation. He asked if I “understood” what had happened.. I replied that I understood that I didn’t *need* him to make me happy, but that I did miss him. I felt that my heart was breaking inside..
I got the impression that he still felt something too, but that it was almost a matter of honor/pride that he stands by his decision.. I wish I could feel better..

]]> By: Jem http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/recover-from-an-imaginary-relationship/comment-page-2/#comment-7065 Jem Mon, 16 Mar 2009 18:51:19 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=296#comment-7065 Well, Susan did you meet up with him? Well, Susan did you meet up with him?

]]> By: susan http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/recover-from-an-imaginary-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-6997 susan Fri, 13 Mar 2009 18:37:55 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=296#comment-6997 It's been a month since I moved out. I have heard something from him almost every week.. initially, he only wanted to talk about practical matters, and we've not had any discussion about "us". I initially wanted reasons and answers, but don't feel the need anymore.. It’s been a month since I moved out. I have heard something from him almost every week.. initially, he only wanted to talk about practical matters, and we’ve not had any discussion about “us”. I initially wanted reasons and answers, but don’t feel the need anymore..

]]> By: Jem http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/recover-from-an-imaginary-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-6996 Jem Fri, 13 Mar 2009 18:26:06 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=296#comment-6996 How long has it been since you left and he made contact? I would go and just listen since he brought it up the meeting. He may just start off wanting to be friends and then he may want more. Just take it very slow and do all the listening and don't answer right away. Oh, dress to impress you not him. How long has it been since you left and he made contact? I would go and just listen since he brought it up the meeting. He may just start off wanting to be friends and then he may want more. Just take it very slow and do all the listening and don’t answer right away. Oh, dress to impress you not him.

]]> By: susan http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/recover-from-an-imaginary-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-6994 susan Fri, 13 Mar 2009 18:08:54 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=296#comment-6994 I've been in a long-term relationship for many years until it was recently suddenly broken off by him, saying that he "needed space" and that "it just didn't work out". I was shocked because his previous behaviour didn't indicate this: he was thoughtful, loving, and romantic.. Anyway I moved out and did not initiate contact, although I felt I was dying inside. He sent me a few text messages to see how I was. He now wants to meet up with me to "discuss a few things". I am worried about my reaction (i.e. talking too much / not being able to hold it together). I don't want to end up taking all the responsibility for the failures and wonder if the meeting is indeed about him getting closure / moving on... What should I do? I’ve been in a long-term relationship for many years until it was recently suddenly broken off by him, saying that he “needed space” and that “it just didn’t work out”. I was shocked because his previous behaviour didn’t indicate this: he was thoughtful, loving, and romantic.. Anyway I moved out and did not initiate contact, although I felt I was dying inside. He sent me a few text messages to see how I was. He now wants to meet up with me to “discuss a few things”.
I am worried about my reaction (i.e. talking too much / not being able to hold it together). I don’t want to end up taking all the responsibility for the failures and wonder if the meeting is indeed about him getting closure / moving on…
What should I do?

]]> By: Cassandra http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/recover-from-an-imaginary-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-4865 Cassandra Wed, 04 Feb 2009 01:54:24 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=296#comment-4865 Flipper.....I just read your post...thank you so much for your input! I so value your ideas, suggestions and input so thank you. I think that the whole thing scares me in that I would REALLY be leaving here and that is it...which I know is coming anyway but it makes it so much more REAL and then there is the whole thing where I don't trust myself to make good decisions in many areas of my life anymore. To have my Mom's support means alot but I still feel afraid of it in that I would be dependent on him and I DON"T want to ever be dependent on another man....ever not after all that I have been thru with this situation. I do think that he means well and really does want to help me but I also know taht he continually tells me whenever we talk that he still loves me and still wants to marry me. He hurt me in the past...not physically but he hurt my heart and I am so afraid to put myself in another situation where I could possibly get hurt somehow even though I have made it clear that we are ONLY friends and there is no possibility for anything else. I don't know.....maybe I am closing the door on something really good but then again I could be setting myself up to be in another situation where I am at the mercy of another man. It is not in my old city but it is only an hour and a half away so I could see all of my old friends so much more easily and more often and that in itself would be so nice. Daria..I also got your post too. Thank you so much. So you think I should go for it.....hmmmmmmm.....I am really at a loss. I would not do this without him signing something to the tune of what he had said...that he would be paying the rent but I would be the resident. I am afriad though that if he gets upset with me or something that I could be setting myself up again. I trusted Charles and look what happened. I am so not sure what to think. I am going to take Flippers bouquet and just take in the beauty of that as I think about all of this. part of me feels excited but part of me feels scared. I love you guys! Flipper…..I just read your post…thank you so much for your input! I so value your ideas, suggestions and input so thank you. I think that the whole thing scares me in that I would REALLY be leaving here and that is it…which I know is coming anyway but it makes it so much more REAL and then there is the whole thing where I don’t trust myself to make good decisions in many areas of my life anymore. To have my Mom’s support means alot but I still feel afraid of it in that I would be dependent on him and I DON”T want to ever be dependent on another man….ever not after all that I have been thru with this situation. I do think that he means well and really does want to help me but I also know taht he continually tells me whenever we talk that he still loves me and still wants to marry me. He hurt me in the past…not physically but he hurt my heart and I am so afraid to put myself in another situation where I could possibly get hurt somehow even though I have made it clear that we are ONLY friends and there is no possibility for anything else. I don’t know…..maybe I am closing the door on something really good but then again I could be setting myself up to be in another situation where I am at the mercy of another man. It is not in my old city but it is only an hour and a half away so I could see all of my old friends so much more easily and more often and that in itself would be so nice.

Daria..I also got your post too. Thank you so much. So you think I should go for it…..hmmmmmmm…..I am really at a loss. I would not do this without him signing something to the tune of what he had said…that he would be paying the rent but I would be the resident. I am afriad though that if he gets upset with me or something that I could be setting myself up again. I trusted Charles and look what happened. I am so not sure what to think. I am going to take Flippers bouquet and just take in the beauty of that as I think about all of this. part of me feels excited but part of me feels scared.
I love you guys!

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