I am a busy girl and I do have a life and he is not the center of my life. While all these held true, he still is drifting off, and finally we talked, and he needed space, so I backed off.

what do you mean you backed off! Where were you backing off from? this sounds like you were leaning forward before…

because a man that only calls you, you dont call him, he asks you out to dates when he wants to, simply can’t “need space”. he has all the space in the world!

so i’m thinking there was overfunctioning and leaning forward on your part

About being into him. it’s cool to be into him, as long as we’re not MORE into him than into OURSELVES

i saw this image last nite

it was like being two fires. next to each other. The fire burns from the ground up, in a circle, and makes a big flame.

now theres two big flames burning next to each other.

now – in a relationship the two flames Merge. theres an area in the middle they extend into and fill, that is both of them.

But if one of the flames jumps OUT of its ground and gives All its power to the middle, it actually loses itself and gets really weak!!

the flame actually needs to develop its heat from the ground up to have more for the relationship

Thank you for the post. I think this is so familiar to many of us- the man chases you then he gets you then he backs off. It certainly has become more of a pattern of my past and current relationships.

I agree with you that strategies don’t work with men and that whenever he backs off we need to focus on ourselves. you also said that “The moment a man “gets” (and they’re much swifter about this than we think) – that we’re “into him,” he loses attraction for us. ”

but isn’t that a natural thing? when we are in love, we are “into” each other. we care for each other. if we pretend that we don’t care, isn’t that kind of fake and “fear of intimacy” on our part? If we aren’t needy or disparate, and he still backs off, is that a sign of a red flag in the man that he can’t commit and he just likes to chase?? How do you know??

this is my current situation, where he seemed to be so caring and committed in the beginning, now he just gets busy with work, but i know that he was busy to begin with, but back then I was his priority. Now he told me he needed time to figure things out and that he doesn’t expect me to wait while he does this. I learned from your program reconnect that we supposed to tell him he has all the time to figure out what he wants, then we get our life back, and date other man…I’ve been doing that and now he completely backs off because i told him I don’t want a man to be text and email i want him in my life, he still asks me out on dates but he just doesn’t seem “into” me like before.

I am in a dilemma, I am a busy girl and I do have a life and he is not the center of my life. While all these held true, he still is drifting off, and finally we talked, and he needed space, so I backed off. I am open to all the possibilities of all the men out there, but I don’t want this to be a pattern, how can we turn it into a real dance where we feel more in control and what a man does he does, but he no longer affects us even though we are deeply in love??

Love,
ABC

I feel confused with some of the advice in the siren programme. or maybe just confused I was married for ten years to a very nice man, he had the femine energy and I had the masculine energy. I fell out of love. I ended the marriage last year. I struggled financially (and still am) but it was so worth it to be free. I now recognise I was opinionated and bossy, since using feeling messages with my ex, like I feel vunerable and I feel embarrased to ask, I don’t want to keep chasing you for money as it makes me feel bad, he’s been so responsive to me, but I find when I’m feeling angry I revert back to bossy, angry, defensive and he storms out. I have dated a couple of guys since and was so used to getting attn from my ex I have almost arrogantly expected them to give me the same, they fizzel after a couple of dates as I think I’m so used to talking future as I did with my ex(i.e well when we go out again eek) I’ve had one guy email me every other day for two months but not connect, so after reading the ebook I said I feel I need to stop communicating and he said thats exactly what I wanted you to say. I haven’t mailed or heard since. The next guy only txt’d late at night but was a real charmer saying things like you are beautiful, I’ve always liked you, would make arrangments and then cancel at the last min, really effected my self esteem and I still find I txt him if I haven’t heard from him, I now realise he’s toxic, tho keep trying to recover my pride for chasing him a bit, that feels icky. I felt really vunerable and like I’m doing it all wrong. So I joined Match.com and have connected with two guys using feeling messages, one is nice, responsive to feeling messages (tho I feel silly saying I feel all the time!) and we’ve arranged a date, the other said your really cute, so I said I feel good that you think I’m cute and he came back with that’s good but why are you so insecure about your looks?? I was really shocked that he interpreted that feeling message as an insecurity. I said lol I’m not insecure about my looks as I said it feels good that you think I’m cute. He is a high earner, and said he gets people only interested in him for that. I felt judged, I left it a week and he emailed me asking if I was on match shopping for cute guys, i said yes I maybe and it’ll be a long shop because I’m fussy (I was trying to impress and be a smarty pants), he didn’t respond but stayed online so I mailed again saying I feel attracted to you, I feel passionate and I feel happy to say that. He responded saying I feel attracted to you too, your lips etc and I am passionate too. So now I’m thinking 1) I am struggling financally and am worried he’ll think I’m just on the gold dig, which I’m not 2) have I just made the prize sex? should I have mailed again? and 3) when he said why are you interested in me I was lost for words with such a direct question. Also I figure I’m quite attractive but hate my teeth and worry that these guys will too, and that makes me feel super vunerable. I’m struggling with not chasing (which feels cold) and then being warm, it’s so easy to revert back to bad habits and be the masculine energy. I feel I need help.

Thanks Em

I’m new to your blog – but have been trying to be a Rori girl for the past three years. I feel like I”m very close. I can see it in the relationships I’ve had. I recently met the man of my dreams – I can feel it in every bone of my body. But the one that lets me know this could really be it is the WAY i am around him. I take compliments well, smile, there is trememdous eye contact, I don’t call, I talk from my feelings, I don’t ask questions, he knows I’m dating others. The problem is this – he’s not moving it along. We see each other on Friday or Saturday (some of these have been casual ‘hey are you out?’ then he’ll come meet me where I am). We always have THE MOST amazing time. We have not had sex. I have told him I don’t feel ready – that it’s not him and I don’t feel sex is bad I just don’t feel safe enough to go there yet. So, it’s been another week that I haven’t heard from him and I’m questioning what to do the next time I see him. I want to say – “I feel conflicted..I feel so wonderful when I’m with you. You make me feel special and beautiful. But then I feel like I don’t matter and I don’t want to feel that way.” What do you think?
It’s only been a little over a month (although we did go on a date over a year and a half ago) so I don’t know if I”m pushing it. The thing is when I’m with him I’m not feeling bad – I feel wonderful so I’m not supressing anything. It’s just when I don’t hear from him after a few days that I feel disappointed and impatient. When do you say something and when do you keep to your boundaries and hold on?
Please help!
Jen

@Michelle
Keep your rotation hopping. Date out of type. Date men who are at risk for falling head over heals for you. Even if you aren’t completely attracted to them, take the time to really *feel* how they are attracted to you. It completely changes your energy when you feel attractive to men. It reminds you in subtle ways that you do not have to put up with less than stellar treatment from any one man.