Comments on: The Road Trip to Love Forever

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 22:26:00 +0000

Vikki, Welcome, and my heart goes out to you. Feeling lost is the totally okay place to be – and there’s really nothing I or anyone or even you can say or do that will change the way you’re feeling from sad to glad so fast. This will be an up and down time for you.

I wish you the best “ups” you can discover, and the most profound and emotionally healing “downs.” I would recommend you get some books around what you’re going through – Aurora Winter wrote From Heartbreak To Happiness – it might be helpful.

If you take the trip and change your mind halfway through – that’s fine. If you take the trip and go to the end of it – that’s fine. If you stay home, that’s fine. You’re going to have to find your way through this by following what FEELS GOOD.

Please get professional help or join a support group or go to a place of worship if that feels good, and try doing only what feels good as much as you can. Love, Rori

By: Lisalisa

Lisalisa — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 22:24:07 +0000

I think I see more how I am responsible for a lot of our issues. Not feeling emotionally safe, to be able to tell him if I was upset or not, not learning how to argue effectively, avoiding things rather than getting them out. And now he is gone.

By: vikki

vikki — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 21:33:22 +0000

My solemate died on 4 March 2009……………i need help……do i go in the road trip we had panned on taking? i am soooooooooooo lost.

By: Tracy

Tracy — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 06:20:53 +0000

Thanks Rori for the clarification….i feel its more aunthetic to take the feelings with us as well as the memories as you put it….it feels less draining…thanks for making it more clear..i feel like a light bulb moment just happened and it it feels relaxing….there is so much to learn each day..baby steps i guess but i feel so much happier to be learning so much about myself…
i feel that the relationship with my friends and family is so much better now and i feel that i am more honest and authentic and more feminine…my primary problem was speaking my truth….i feel i should work more on these…just through feeling messages express how i feel at each given time…i will put focus on that today…
i also loved what u said about touching objects….feels intriguing…will try that too….

Hugs,

Tracy

By: Lisalisa

Lisalisa — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 02:43:51 +0000

Thanks Rori, yes, going forward is the best thing to do. I’ve done a lot of looking back. Sometimes it helps, to see how I have behaved in order to improve myself. I feel I am so desperate to never be in this position again that I read and read and reflect and want to change so much. I am looking back at my behaviour more now and see how irresponsible I was.

I was on skype last night and he started a chat conversation with me. It is easier to chat rather than talk on the phone, but I feel a bit childish that I cannot talk to him calmly or without crying. He wanted to talk about how we were both doing. He wanted me to know this wasn’t easy for him and he was very sorry for hurting me. He feels guilty.

I was in the relationship too and it’s not all his fault – we were both in it. We both withdrew emotionally. I’m not trying to play the victim or ignore him childishly. I am just trying to feel my way through this. I have spent a lot of time holding my thoughts and feelings in. I can’t do it anymore. It’s exhausting.

I don’t hate him. I love him. We are both human. There is forgiveness. We both need to forgive ourselves and each other. Yet when I look at him face to face, I feel the pain, the hurt, the rejection. I think that comes down to me though, not him. I value him. I think he’s an amazing man.

Perhaps I should tell him to phone me, rather than chatting.

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:27:11 +0000

LisaLisa, and everyone – Try this: STOP trying to “Get Over” anything. Just take your feelings and your memories with you….and KEEP GOING FORWARD in your own life. That’s what Circular Dating is all about. To combat the pull toward those old feelings and memories – work with all my Tools around Being Present – touch objects, make friends with objects, experience objects…very helpful…Love, Rori

By: Tracy

Tracy — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:21:56 +0000

Lisalisa,
I feel your pain and i am throwing u a big cyber hug…i felt the same way sometime back…i felt so stuck and lonely and confused about how to react with an EX.Well mine was nowhere near 10 years but i felt that the more i focused on me and less on him the more i regained my confidence and self esteem…i felt that what was important was not about making the guy feel like i still cared,or about being nice but about ME…how was i feeling how was i processing these feelings…
Only i can make me happy….i felt that the more i focused on my hapiness and making me feel good about me and not so much worrying about how he was doing where he was…the more i was able to regain my confidence and i felt lighter and guess what he came back and now…he’s following me around and as Rori said it so well in a previous newsletter…i am beginning to wonder and ask myself if it is him i really want!or is there better out there…
I felt discouraged at first,i felt defeated..it felt like beating my head against the wall and as i read your post…if you check some of the previous posts you’l find mine with almost similar expressions…it feels awful to be stuck and not sure what to do next…
With time though i felt that things became more clearer..They are getting more clearer….and when you reach that better place then you can make better decisions….
What i felt helped me the most is to know that whatever i feel has to do with me. It’s my stuff…if i feel sad and lonely and disappointed…that’s me…it may be triggered by someone else but the source is me…so if i want to feel better only me can do it…by processing through these feeling and trying to reach a better place where i feel good about myself….
Circular dating for me has really helped,by making new friends, dating other men and trying to discover what triggers me….sometimes i really miss my ex,i feel myself falling back…my sadness trys to creep back..but now,i feel more assured and confident and now i know what i want…before this i felt that i was doing what others want….

Lots of hugs

Tracy

By: Lisalisa

Lisalisa — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 08:38:55 +0000

how do you lean back without making him feel bad or like you are being rude for doing so? completely ignoring some is rude, particularly someone i value

By: Lisalisa

Lisalisa — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 08:10:21 +0000

Thanks.
It’s hard to know what the right thing to do is.
I don’t want him to feel bad. I don’t want to treat him badly. I love him dearly. I am not angry. If he wasn’t my ex, and was a friend, he would be someone I love and support and say you did what you felt you had to do to be happy. He wasn’t happy and he left.
My feelings of rejection and low self esteem are my issue, not his. This is someone I care about deeply.
I have to find a polite and caring way of saying I am doing this for me and that doesn’t mean I don’t care about or value you.

By: Daria

Daria — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 08:03:57 +0000

Oh Lisa I feel so sad reading what you are going through.
I feel really angry at this man… If you feel upset then you don’t have to feel OK around him…

I feel outraged

I would not want to be his friend. I would feel very weak. If I were feeling strong I would not be interested in seeing him and tell him that I feel angry and betrayed and am no longer available to see him.

Or if I felt weak I would say I feel weak I feel horrible around you and I don’t want to feel this way… I feel

DONT EVEN LET HIM CONTACT YOU

FUCKHIM

I feel bad now writing that but I felt it actually means I would feel VERY ANGRY… (And you know what I feel triggered right now

this is about me, Daria…

I feel really ANGRY AT MY EX… I FEEL HUMILIATED AND YET I WANT TO FEEL CLOSE TO HIM AND MISS HIM TERRIBLY… I WANT TO SAY DONT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN AND I ALSO WANT TO BE HIS BEST FRIEND… I WANT HIM TO CONTACT ME ANYWAY… SO THE BEST THING I AM DOING THAT FEELS OK IS LEAN BACK…

I would lean back from him as far as possible lisalisa. Let him come to you and make it hard for him to come to you.

I would take his calls to the best of my ability in a business like manner – Hmmm this is what I DO. Is this really the best thing for me? well I am very concerned about the business thing… I dono… so messy…

Please smile LisaLisa. I wouldn’t be nice to him… if anything I would maybe nto even want to see him until I felt more comfortable. Maybe not even take his calls or return his emails.