“Thanks to all of you….however, I am still struggling with the same guy. I have cut back and for the most part let him call me, however, I am only hearing from him at odd times. Such as Sat. mornings or Sun. eve’s. We sort of cut off the relationship but we are trying to stay friends. I am lying to myself because I care VERY deeply for him. I have tried circular dating and so far have met up with duds. Then my long distance calls and there I am, stuck in the mud. Happy when he calls and miserable when I don’t have a date and wondering what he is up to. Please give me more direction and support girls and thanks. I DO listen but stubborn, but love my stubbornness too! Jeannette”
Here’s my answer:
There is no “why” to why a man does or doesn’t want us. It just is…and it can change, too…but not in the old ways we’ve been taught to attract a man.
Most important thing I can say to you, Jeannette, is this – Circular Dating is not about meeting men who are not “duds.”
Circular Dating is a “therapeutic” process where you practice all of my Tools on men in the field – not only “work on them” in a therapist’s office.
The men who show up are your free therapists.
As you work with them, and treat them with respect and listen for the messages they bring you – the men who show up will be better and better quality, and your personal Degree of Difficulty will go up and up – and THAT’S when Mr. Right shows up.
Sometimes – and this is a very interesting thing – he shows up when you feel like you’re at rock bottom – at your absolute worst.
So, you might think, how can that be? If I’m at my “worst” – not together financially, spiritually, psychologically, emotionally – how can a GOOD man want me?
And this is why:
When we’re at rock bottom – when we’re that “stripped” and “low” – we’re also often at our most vulnerable and authentic. And that’s what this is all about.
When we’re at rock bottom – we’ve stopped trying. We’ve stopped searching, stopped reaching out, stopped overfunctioning. We give up.
And a man can find you when you’re at rock bottom, if you’ve given in to it.
Most of us can’t even give up our old patterns when we’re at rock bottom. We still resist the truth, we resist our feelings, we resist hope. What we stick to is our old beliefs that we’re not worth much, and we use our circumstances as evidence of our low worth.
But our energy is so low, we can’t quite get it up to use our defenses the way we used to, or to try pretending we’re “okay” the way we used to. This makes it much easier for a man to connect with us.
It also makes it easier for a toxic man to get in there and drag us even further down.
So – Don’t wait until you hit rock bottom to chance vulnerability and openness. Do it in baby steps. That’s what Circular Dating is for – for you to take chances with men you wouldn’t ordinarily feel okay taking.
If a man’s a “dud” in your old way of looking at things – perhaps he’s absolutely PERFECT for you to practice the Tools you need to practice with.
Perhaps he’s gentle and kind, and he can actually HANDLE the emotions you’ll just start letting ooze out. Perhaps he’s an angry man and you’ll all-of-a-sudden “get” that red flag about him and walk away fast, before he has a chance to work his charm on you.
Perhaps he’s a nice guy and you feel “guilty” about “leading him on” – when what he’s really there for is for you to practice Telling the Truth!
There are so many men out there, and they each have Messages for you. Let them come. Let them get close. Practice with them. I guarantee you – if he shows up – he’s there for a reason, too.
The lesson and the Message he’s there to bring you – the lesson he showed up to deliver and that you’ll learn by interacting with him, even for a moment in passing, will certainly help him, too, with the lesson and Message YOU’RE there for. And there’s absolutely no way you can know this in advance, so you just have to experiment and experience the interaction.
If you can look at everything that way – ask yourself “Why am I here?” – and get the Message and the lesson quickly so you can either go deeper into the Man/Messenger or move away from him – you’ll be moving forward in your life lightening fast, and I’ll be hearing your success story very, very soon.