This is in answer to a comment by sifsgoldwig – (here’s the comment->) after a break up, and I thought my comment might help you, too:
I thank you, sifsgoldwig, for your heartfelt story and the great questions it brings up. I can’t help you specifically to understand this situation – because spending ANY time, energy or heart at all in trying to figure out WHY a man does something is wasteful and useless, and will bring down your self-esteem and get you stuck in your brain, trying to “solve” problems instead of feel your way through things.
The bottom line all comes to ATTRACTION. A man who is “toxic” or immature, or in any way simply incapable of building the “muscle” necessary for being in a close, intimate relationship with a woman CANNOT be “fixed” by WILLING him, requesting him, or trying to “teach” him.
Attraction is a combination of YOUR inner strength, boundaries, and sense of SAFETY with yourself, physical and emotional chemistry which is completely beyond your control, and your ability to be open, vulnerable, in touch with and aware of yourself and your emotions, and the depth and clarity of how you express and share yourself with a man.
Once all that is in play, a relationship evolves and expands through how you both experience moments between you, and depends completely on the capacities of each of you to KEEP evolving, expanding and connecting with each other.
At any time, a man may walk away because he just can’t move forward. He either can’t, or he doesn’t want to. And the only way his reasons can be useful to know is how knowing those reasons can improve YOUR ability to evolve, expand, have boundaries and yet be soft and open – for the next, much better man who will show up.That’s why it’s so important to not concern yourself with HIS issues – but only to keep working on your own.
You didn’t “lose him” by telling him how you felt. There are many, many more things going on here, and I hope my step-by-step processes shine light on those for you and help you go to a new place where everything will be much easier and more fulfilling.