Comments on: Your Valentine’s Day Dance With Yourself http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Sun, 14 Mar 2010 19:14:11 +0000 hourly 1 By: Tracy http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-5796 Tracy Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:05:03 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=284#comment-5796 yeah reshi...it drives me crazy sometimes..but i have decided to take it positively...and use him as a messanger...practise my leaning back and loving me and focusing on me....i feel that is weakest point...i feel relieved to share this with u guyz...i feel happy to be making progress...i feel i am getting better...it feels relaxing and effortless.. I have been emailing this guy i met online and he's coming over to visit and i can't wait to meet him....i feel my old self wanting to jump right in and i feel scared i might ruin everthing and go back to my old self again..i feel worried about wether he'l like me...i feel scared i might focus too much on him likin me and he might get that vibe...i just want to have fun and enjoy myself...I have been circular dating and i am also meeting another guy tomorrow...i feel i most likely will not like him but i want to practise what i have learnt so i am simply going to enjoy myself....lets see how it goes... yeah reshi…it drives me crazy sometimes..but i have decided to take it positively…and use him as a messanger…practise my leaning back and loving me and focusing on me….i feel that is weakest point…i feel relieved to share this with u guyz…i feel happy to be making progress…i feel i am getting better…it feels relaxing and effortless..
I have been emailing this guy i met online and he’s coming over to visit and i can’t wait to meet him….i feel my old self wanting to jump right in and i feel scared i might ruin everthing and go back to my old self again..i feel worried about wether he’l like me…i feel scared i might focus too much on him likin me and he might get that vibe…i just want to have fun and enjoy myself…I have been circular dating and i am also meeting another guy tomorrow…i feel i most likely will not like him but i want to practise what i have learnt so i am simply going to enjoy myself….lets see how it goes…

]]> By: Reshi http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-5785 Reshi Wed, 18 Feb 2009 14:28:58 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=284#comment-5785 Tracy, thanks for the hugs and kind words. :D And ouch, working with the ex can't possibly be easy. You're super strong to be able to survive it. Tracy, thanks for the hugs and kind words. :D And ouch, working with the ex can’t possibly be easy. You’re super strong to be able to survive it.

]]> By: Tracy http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-5782 Tracy Wed, 18 Feb 2009 11:32:16 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=284#comment-5782 Mercedes...i feel the same way about marriage and relationships....everyone has their own path and we should not judge each other only encourage and help as much as we can...i am catholic by faith but i feel that as far as marriage and divorce is concerned....its up to each person to decide how to go about it...sometimes we make huge mistakes sometimes we don't...life for me feels like a learning process and there is really no set way to live it...that's why i totally agree with loving oneself ant trying our best to be happy with who we are...no matter the circumsatances... Well for me i work with my X and he's about to get married...today he needed to print some stuff so he asked if he could use the computer to print things for his wife to be....Of course it triggered me as hell and all the bad feelings came flowing back...so i asked myself why i was feeling bad and i realized that its because i feel scared i may never have that...someone looking out for me...doing stuff for me...i felt fear and frustration of having tried to make my relationship works but they failed...i felt that my X had nothing to do with my bad feelings...if he loves this woman thats okay...if he wants to do stuff for her thats okay...i need to deal with my own insecurities and fears...i need to find a nice safe place where i can feel loved and cherished...it was really an eye opener... since i started leaning back...he comes to say hi and checks up on me from time to time...i feel though that i deserve better..someone who will love me...and only me...someone i can connect to emotionally...someone i can feel i really know him..and can trust me...i deserve someone else who is AVAILABLE....it feels relieving to finally accept i cannot be with him and move on...it feels unhappy yes and sad but i feel hope and i feel that i can get better and i will get better.... Reshi...i have no experience when it comes to marriage...but i have read through all your posts and i feel that ur in a much better place now about how you feel about yourself and what u really want....for me thats what is important because then you are able to make good decisions that will work for you...lots of hugs! Mercedes…i feel the same way about marriage and relationships….everyone has their own path and we should not judge each other only encourage and help as much as we can…i am catholic by faith but i feel that as far as marriage and divorce is concerned….its up to each person to decide how to go about it…sometimes we make huge mistakes sometimes we don’t…life for me feels like a learning process and there is really no set way to live it…that’s why i totally agree with loving oneself ant trying our best to be happy with who we are…no matter the circumsatances…
Well for me i work with my X and he’s about to get married…today he needed to print some stuff so he asked if he could use the computer to print things for his wife to be….Of course it triggered me as hell and all the bad feelings came flowing back…so i asked myself why i was feeling bad and i realized that its because i feel scared i may never have that…someone looking out for me…doing stuff for me…i felt fear and frustration of having tried to make my relationship works but they failed…i felt that my X had nothing to do with my bad feelings…if he loves this woman thats okay…if he wants to do stuff for her thats okay…i need to deal with my own insecurities and fears…i need to find a nice safe place where i can feel loved and cherished…it was really an eye opener…
since i started leaning back…he comes to say hi and checks up on me from time to time…i feel though that i deserve better..someone who will love me…and only me…someone i can connect to emotionally…someone i can feel i really know him..and can trust me…i deserve someone else who is AVAILABLE….it feels relieving to finally accept i cannot be with him and move on…it feels unhappy yes and sad but i feel hope and i feel that i can get better and i will get better….
Reshi…i have no experience when it comes to marriage…but i have read through all your posts and i feel that ur in a much better place now about how you feel about yourself and what u really want….for me thats what is important because then you are able to make good decisions that will work for you…lots of hugs!

]]> By: Reshi http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-5752 Reshi Tue, 17 Feb 2009 23:43:17 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=284#comment-5752 Oh no, there's no hope for my marriage. But hope for finding someone better than him--that is what I am feeling. Someone who is like him in some ways--only actually has a heart and isn't half machine. I feel like a bitter old bitch but it is what it is. He can't love me for who I really am as a human and a woman. Can't, or chose not to. Either way, he's not what I want. Finding the right person...now that's what I hope for. If I do, I won't even begrudge him finding someone for himself. Oh no, there’s no hope for my marriage. But hope for finding someone better than him–that is what I am feeling. Someone who is like him in some ways–only actually has a heart and isn’t half machine.

I feel like a bitter old bitch but it is what it is. He can’t love me for who I really am as a human and a woman. Can’t, or chose not to. Either way, he’s not what I want.

Finding the right person…now that’s what I hope for. If I do, I won’t even begrudge him finding someone for himself.

]]> By: Mercedes http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-5718 Mercedes Tue, 17 Feb 2009 15:07:22 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=284#comment-5718 OMG!!! Ok...I just re-read my last post. I want to make it CLEAR...I'm not recommending everyone get divorced and get happy! LOL. Divorce was right for me but for many people, putting your family back together and being whole again is right. When I say "sometimes you have to let go of what is to see what might be", I don't necessarily mean let go of your marriage. Maybe you need to let go of old ways, maybe you need to let go of the past, maybe your fears, maybe your negativity, maybe your stress about the future. For me...it was the whole way (the entire way) I was living my life that needed to be let go of. For many, it isn't that extreme. Please...nobody take what I said in the wrong way. Divorce is painful and personal and I would NEVER recommend it to anyone. That is something each person has to decide for themselves...not based on advice from anyone else. OMG!!! Ok…I just re-read my last post. I want to make it CLEAR…I’m not recommending everyone get divorced and get happy! LOL. Divorce was right for me but for many people, putting your family back together and being whole again is right. When I say “sometimes you have to let go of what is to see what might be”, I don’t necessarily mean let go of your marriage. Maybe you need to let go of old ways, maybe you need to let go of the past, maybe your fears, maybe your negativity, maybe your stress about the future. For me…it was the whole way (the entire way) I was living my life that needed to be let go of. For many, it isn’t that extreme. Please…nobody take what I said in the wrong way. Divorce is painful and personal and I would NEVER recommend it to anyone. That is something each person has to decide for themselves…not based on advice from anyone else.

]]> By: Mercedes http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-5716 Mercedes Tue, 17 Feb 2009 14:53:18 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=284#comment-5716 Reshi: Sometimes it means there's hope for the marriage and sometimes it means there's hope for finding the right person. I just know we're both much happier without each other and we were much happier even before either of us found someone new to love! Sometimes you have to let go of what is to see what might be. Scary, huh? Reshi: Sometimes it means there’s hope for the marriage and sometimes it means there’s hope for finding the right person. I just know we’re both much happier without each other and we were much happier even before either of us found someone new to love!

Sometimes you have to let go of what is to see what might be.

Scary, huh?

]]> By: Reshi http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-5713 Reshi Tue, 17 Feb 2009 14:36:56 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=284#comment-5713 Wow, Mercedes, the story of your marriage sounds exactly like mine. I guess that means there's hope... Wow, Mercedes, the story of your marriage sounds exactly like mine. I guess that means there’s hope…

]]> By: Mercedes http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-5712 Mercedes Tue, 17 Feb 2009 14:27:59 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=284#comment-5712 Everyone here is so nice here! I'm so glad I found this place. Tracy, I came from a place of too much giving too. I was so engrossed in making my husband happy that I totally lost myself. I had no idea what it was like to feel happy...no idea at all. When I decided to do what felt right to me and to stop all of the pretending, he discovered he didn't even like me. Not just didn't love me, but didn't even like me. That was not his fault. I was pretending to be someone I wasn't. When the real me came out, we had nothing in common. I was not the right woman for him at all and he divorced me. Now...I have the right man. I've made a lot of mistakes but have corrected them and J and I are so much in love and so perfect for each other. My ex has found someone to love too. He's found someone who really is what I was pretending to be. I keep learning and growing and working on remembering to be honest and authentic ALL OF THE TIME...and hopefully I will not repeat old mistakes. I have a pretty good handle on what I need to do to stay a goddess and I doubt I would ever go back to my old ways, but it doesn't hurt to continue to learn and grow...ya know? Heartbeat...you are so right! I also do what feels right but as soon as I feel myself reaching out too much, I know it doesn't feel totally right and that's when I back off. I love what you said about when you're clingy you beat a trail to the bathroom...I do the SAME THING! Nobody bothers you in there and you can breathe and think and feel until you're back. I love that. My favorite thing to do to J when I want him to get up and come to me (like when I get home from work and he's too busy doing something else to pay much attention to me) is this: I will walk right past him. I'll say hi but just keep walking to the bedroom or bathroom...I walk past him though so he sees me but I don't stop. It takes usually about 3 - 5 minutes in the other room before he comes to me and asks what I'm doing. "Just taking care of some things." I'll say. Generally he'll say something about not getting a kiss and I'll tell him he looked busy and I didn't want to feel like an interruption. LOL....that's when he assures me I'm not and he kisses me and (he's a smart one) gets the hint! It will be weeks or even months before he forgets to get up and give me a kiss when I come home again. I have so many ways of leaning back that he "doesn't notice" but...yet...notices a LOT. Little changes I make (and I do them before I ever let it get to the point of me being upset and trying to figure out what's wrong) throw him for a loop and he's all over me. I'm open but not leaning in. I love it and it works like a charm. Again, if you want affection...give it....then...take away just a touch of it and he's all over you! :) Everyone here is so nice here! I’m so glad I found this place. Tracy, I came from a place of too much giving too. I was so engrossed in making my husband happy that I totally lost myself. I had no idea what it was like to feel happy…no idea at all. When I decided to do what felt right to me and to stop all of the pretending, he discovered he didn’t even like me. Not just didn’t love me, but didn’t even like me. That was not his fault. I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. When the real me came out, we had nothing in common. I was not the right woman for him at all and he divorced me. Now…I have the right man. I’ve made a lot of mistakes but have corrected them and J and I are so much in love and so perfect for each other. My ex has found someone to love too. He’s found someone who really is what I was pretending to be. I keep learning and growing and working on remembering to be honest and authentic ALL OF THE TIME…and hopefully I will not repeat old mistakes. I have a pretty good handle on what I need to do to stay a goddess and I doubt I would ever go back to my old ways, but it doesn’t hurt to continue to learn and grow…ya know?

Heartbeat…you are so right! I also do what feels right but as soon as I feel myself reaching out too much, I know it doesn’t feel totally right and that’s when I back off. I love what you said about when you’re clingy you beat a trail to the bathroom…I do the SAME THING! Nobody bothers you in there and you can breathe and think and feel until you’re back. I love that.

My favorite thing to do to J when I want him to get up and come to me (like when I get home from work and he’s too busy doing something else to pay much attention to me) is this: I will walk right past him. I’ll say hi but just keep walking to the bedroom or bathroom…I walk past him though so he sees me but I don’t stop. It takes usually about 3 – 5 minutes in the other room before he comes to me and asks what I’m doing. “Just taking care of some things.” I’ll say. Generally he’ll say something about not getting a kiss and I’ll tell him he looked busy and I didn’t want to feel like an interruption. LOL….that’s when he assures me I’m not and he kisses me and (he’s a smart one) gets the hint! It will be weeks or even months before he forgets to get up and give me a kiss when I come home again. I have so many ways of leaning back that he “doesn’t notice” but…yet…notices a LOT. Little changes I make (and I do them before I ever let it get to the point of me being upset and trying to figure out what’s wrong) throw him for a loop and he’s all over me. I’m open but not leaning in. I love it and it works like a charm. Again, if you want affection…give it….then…take away just a touch of it and he’s all over you! :)

]]> By: Tracy http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-5696 Tracy Tue, 17 Feb 2009 10:06:11 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=284#comment-5696 mercedes.....i love your way of doing things...very inspiring....would love to try that and see how it goesss.thanks for the comment...it really helped my present situation. Linda...i totally agree with you about loving yourself first the kids then the man that comes along....i have faith that this will happen sooner thatn we think..there was a post that Kelly put that really blew me off...a lady told her that she did not need to stress herself so hard or work too hard...that the right man would come to her...i felt so touched by those words...and the fact that she had resolved to focus on dating and working on herself in the meantime...its exactly as rori says...you just focus on yourself...love yourself and the rest will follow... Mercedes...i agree with the comment on complementing your man and not bragging outright about being goddesses but simply feeling it...it works better that way....however for myself,i am coming from a place where all i did was give and give and give ....and honestly i feel that i never really knew why i giving and when i didnt receive i got so frustrated...now i am learning to receive and learning to speak the truth about me and how i feel and it feels liberating... i feel happy that though i am stil trying to figure out what i want i feel happier about being me and having the life i have...it feels relieving... yesterday the nasty voices were all over and i was feeling really low...i realised that whenever i feel low i try to get on the chat or talk to someone to try and make me feel better instead of embrassing my feelings first sinking into them then going through to a much better place...Rori's tools are starting to sink in and i intend to make a plan how to deal with my irky feelings...i love them because they are mine and i am going to deal with them....it feels safe to know that i can go through this... Thank you lovely ladies for all your imput...i read this blog as much as i can and i cant seem to stop saying this...the ideas and experiences are priceless...lots o hugz...xoxoxoxo mercedes…..i love your way of doing things…very inspiring….would love to try that and see how it goesss.thanks for the comment…it really helped my present situation.
Linda…i totally agree with you about loving yourself first the kids then the man that comes along….i have faith that this will happen sooner thatn we think..there was a post that Kelly put that really blew me off…a lady told her that she did not need to stress herself so hard or work too hard…that the right man would come to her…i felt so touched by those words…and the fact that she had resolved to focus on dating and working on herself in the meantime…its exactly as rori says…you just focus on yourself…love yourself and the rest will follow…
Mercedes…i agree with the comment on complementing your man and not bragging outright about being goddesses but simply feeling it…it works better that way….however for myself,i am coming from a place where all i did was give and give and give ….and honestly i feel that i never really knew why i giving and when i didnt receive i got so frustrated…now i am learning to receive and learning to speak the truth about me and how i feel and it feels liberating…
i feel happy that though i am stil trying to figure out what i want i feel happier about being me and having the life i have…it feels relieving…
yesterday the nasty voices were all over and i was feeling really low…i realised that whenever i feel low i try to get on the chat or talk to someone to try and make me feel better instead of embrassing my feelings first sinking into them then going through to a much better place…Rori’s tools are starting to sink in and i intend to make a plan how to deal with my irky feelings…i love them because they are mine and i am going to deal with them….it feels safe to know that i can go through this…
Thank you lovely ladies for all your imput…i read this blog as much as i can and i cant seem to stop saying this…the ideas and experiences are priceless…lots o hugz…xoxoxoxo

]]> By: heartbeat http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/your-valentines-day-dance-with-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-5646 heartbeat Mon, 16 Feb 2009 19:20:58 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=284#comment-5646 My approach is - if I feel like doing something like touching, and I'm not doing it to GET a result of some kind, then it is a form of my EXPRESSION. I would need to be parcelled in clingfilm not to touch, it feels so natural! But I also know when I'm feeling clingy, and beat a trail to the bathroom instead, or take my thoughts and feelings for a stroll around the room... til I'm back in myself again. My approach is – if I feel like doing something like touching, and I’m not doing it to GET a result of some kind, then it is a form of my EXPRESSION. I would need to be parcelled in clingfilm not to touch, it feels so natural! But I also know when I’m feeling clingy, and beat a trail to the bathroom instead, or take my thoughts and feelings for a stroll around the room… til I’m back in myself again.

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