Comments on: Telling The Truth Is Scary – And Fantastic, Too – Bethany 7

By: Pooja

Pooja — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 19:29:59 +0000

Speaking in feeling messages, DEFINITELY gets a response from guys. I’ve experienced this first hand recently. I had been trying to reach the guy I like and I would just send him messages saying “hey I’ll be coming to your city soon, it would be great to meet, let me know if you’re free” and just asking him how he’s been or how work is going, etc…. hardly ever got a response. Then, the other day, I wrote a msg telling him that I feel bad if I had done something to upset him and that I don’t want something to come between us. I told him that I would really be happy to meet him if he still wants to and that I miss talking to him, etc… and boom! Like instantly he replied! I was sooo surprised! I’m definitely going to keep using feeling messages to communicate with him. It seems to work well. And now I’m practising leaning back… I’ll see if this one works, too (even tho we’re far away) =)

By: alias girl

alias girl — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 03:00:24 +0000

omg. this blog is totally unwielding to keep track of. it is difficult from my phone to go into all the older posts so i only do it when i am on the regular computer. like today. there are whole worlds and news happening that i am not on top of!!!!

ANNNNNN CONGRATULATIONS! i feel so happy for you. i feel magnificent for you!

i would say baby steps. just thaw out at your own pace and it sounds like he just may thaw out with you.

you may even get your mojo back.

By: Flipper

Flipper — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 02:11:14 +0000

Ann, That’s wonderful! You must be feeling all bewildered and encouraged at the same time. At any rate, at least feel that you have started to be heard, and that you were able to hear a concern of your husband. Sounds like so much dysfunction has been going on for so long that one or two heart-to-hearts aren’t gong to come to the end of it all, but they do open up the door of possibles. And I feel that there’s all the hope in the world for your situation, if you still care for him. You have both been on ice, or rather one on ice and maybe the other on hot coals, but apparently no one has gone to get warmth or cooling down elsewhere, so that’s already a barrel of complications you don’t have to face. Have you sought counseling, either marriage or individual? It may seem like a luxury, but personal guidance from a trained third party can often lead to wonders. Your power speech and feelings messages obviously worked some magic, so don’t back off now. In order to communicate your feelings, of course, You must know them, so really allow yourself to feel them, define them, express them through riffing which will help you both to learn what they are and to put words on them. Big hugs.

By: Ann

Ann — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 00:05:30 +0000

Damn computer well at least it didn’t get rid of everything I’d already typed. So to cont:

I haven’t been anywhere else for it.” He stopped talking I said are you finished, he said yes.

So I said “I’m sorry I care for you but I don’t feel any sexual desire.”

We small talked a little more and he left the room. I felt a tiny connection to help I hadn’t felt in years. I felt SHOCKED OMG FEELING MESSAGES WORK.

Rori, ladies… where do I go from here? I’m not completely sure what I feel besides lost. Help

By: Ann

Ann — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 23:58:44 +0000

Ladies I RAN to this blog as soon as I could get connected. I hope someone is still reading this post. I hope Rori is following it to and would PLEASE advise me.

I still feel so cold and still shaking some. I had a”feeling meltdown” about a hour ago. I had a arguement with my adult daughter, when they left. I sinked into my feelings BIG TIME. I let the tears roll I wasn’t about to while she was here, I’m not letting her see my pain. But that lead up to my husband walking into the room.

I was feeling hurt, angry , defiant and a voice in my head said you’re in the right place, you’re feeling it, now see if Rori knows what she’s talking about. Ladies the answer is “HELL YEAH RORI KNOW’S WHAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT.

I won’t go into all details right now but let me give you a little background. My hubby and I have been living in a sexless marriage for a little over 4 years. I have no sexual desire for him. But neither of us has cheated just grown apart. My husband isn’t a emotinally supportive man. He clams up or runs away from emotions.

As I said he walked in the room and I felt it was time to see for myself if Rori’s tools worked and could I do it.

I said “I feel like I want to be completely honest with you. I love my family with all my heart but I’ve got lost in there somewhere. I know what my problems are but I’ve came a LONG ways in healing from them. I feel like you and daughter think because I don’t work anywhere, I’m supposed to do everything else. You guys get to get out and interact with us even tho most of the time it’s at work, you still get to. I’m sorry if you hear anger in my voice it isn’t at you. I’m feel mad at the world at this moment. We only have one vehicle and you can either start taking me places when she’s off work or by God I figure out how to do it myself. And just for the record I’m NOT looking for a man. At this point in time I have NO sexual desire for ANY man. I have to find me.”

Now shocker ladies set down lol. He set down and said “don’t say anything just hear me out. The reason I ask for sex so much is because of my age(he’s in his 50′s) I don’t know how many more years I’ll even be able to get it up(sorry if TMI). We haven’t had sex in years and I sware

By: Tracy

Tracy — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 19:55:10 +0000

Caroline,
in my opinion leaning back actually gives you control over any situation,since you are able to focus on youself your feelings and you are able to take control of the situation…
I also believe inspite of the circumstances in our lives we can stil be that carefree girl that leans back and enjoys the attention of that guy you like your family…or the collegue at work who thinks you are cute….
I feel that the aspect of feeling through life in general,enjoying the moment expressing ourselves as women enables us to enjoy life and appreciate it more and in that way enjoy ourselves two…..
Today i tried the listening at level 2 with the guyz i interact with at work and it was marvelous…….they ALL gave me this big attention and were all to eager to express themselves.I felt like a diva and queen all day and i kept smiling.It really works.I always felt that people did not understand me,and i only paid attention to those guyz i found attractive.I was always thinking of me and how unfortunate i am but when i started just listening to others gazing at them actually feeling how their thoughts and ideas inspired me things completely changed.Try it.

By: Caj13

Caj13 — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 14:13:13 +0000

As for what to say and when, Daria and Alias Girl are feeling good about saying what they felt when they felt it – see their posts (on Bethany 7?) I feel taking the time to stop yourself from whatever spontaneous response was going to come out is probably the first crucial step, and I feel I ‘m still at this stage myself! I feel like even just not doing or saying anything at this point, leaving a silence, getting quickly off the phone or turning even slightly away must be better than my old automatic-pilot spouting off ‘niceties” or sarcasm. Then in the space, determining what you’re really feeling, attaching some words to it. I feel I most likely I still wouldn’t get much out at first, or maybe things I think I did wrong afterwards. Not to worry. I feel that doing new riffs and going back through old ones, we’ll imprint the words that go with the feelings, and with practice can take those to formulate them in a way that will get our message heard (ie, no inference of blame, not talking about him, and only conveying our emotions inspired by the moment).

By: Caroline

Caroline — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 13:39:40 +0000

Tracy,
I can so identify with the “overfunctioning” part as well. I always seem to fall into this pattern with the guys I really like and want to be with. The guys that I’m not so interested in are the ones I always lean back with because I don’t care what the outcome is and then I avoid them because there is no “challenge”. Thinking about some the men that I’ve been interested in, I’ve realized I’ve always chased them. I really need to learn to focus on myself first and always focus on myself. There are times when I do but I find myself falling back into bad patterns with the guys that I really like. I
What I’ve also realized is that it’s very hard for me to give up and/or not be in control. I’m a single parent and I have to be in control of very other aspect of my life 24/7. I don’t remember what it’s like to be “just the girl” and to lean back and let go. Does that make sense and how do I go about learning how to do this so it comes naturally to me?

By: Tracy

Tracy — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 09:50:43 +0000

Caroline,
I can relate to the part of always trying to please other people and basically just living for others………it feels so frustrating because in the end we end up neglecting ourselves and it feels awful………I am really working on that part of being happy with me and loving my mistakes my failure and myself….if feels sooooooooo goooooooooooood!
thank u all you lovely ladies as always for your posts and thoughts!you are all mad genious people!

By: Tracy

Tracy — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 09:46:44 +0000

today i feel angry,i just witnessed myself overfunctioning and leaning forward with a guy i like.It was just crazy because i realised that i am so used to it that it comes almost natural.I feel that i have a really long way to go as far as loving myself and putting myself first is concerned.I feel happy that i am finally understanding and appreciating this new way of trying to lean back,not always running around worrying about what others think of me be it a guy i like,my workmates or my neigbour……..am just enjoying the moments and feeling through life.It feels fantastic…….
I really feel i should work on how i relate to men especially the ones i like…..but honestly,Rori,ur tools are rock on…………they are so working for me.
I feel beautiful. i feel fantastic and happy……..