and yeah cool that he’s set it up that you won’t feel too obligated to him (as i often do) and you can just date and practice with him.

totally awesome! all the godesses say Yeah!

THANK YOU RORI for shifting the consciousness and love patterns of females. your life’s work is much appreciated by me.

i had the most enlightening conversation with the man i kicked off my horse. his response was very unexpected. and i totally had no other agenda with him other than to share my true feelings and draw my crticial boundaries. and he is still off my horse and keeps trying to hop back on. hmmm.

and wtf! here I am writing to you on this blog and the guy from yesterday is calling me! And I did all the right things–well most of the right things, feeling messages are still hard but I got out one or two…let me tell you, it was a night and day difference from yesterday. He still has a very fast energy but I just lay down and got very curious about the pattern of the scales on my ashy legs…lol…need to remedy that situation…and the conversation just seemed to flow. We have a LOT in common as far as interests, general personalities, etc. And then I was all “hey I gotta go” and he immediately asked me out for tomorrow! PANIC. WTF am I going to do?! This is happening too fast for me. But I’ll flow with it and see what happens. Realistically this guy is too old for me and he’s said he doesn’t want marriage…this makes him a useless life partner but a great partner for safe Circular Dating while I am still legally married…and it’s amazing how bad I DON’T feel about doing this.

Alias Girl, isn’t it great to let go of results? The best part is that it doesn’t mean that you won’t HAVE results. It simply means that whatever happens, you take care of yourself, you have your own back, and then you get to be surprised when awesome things happen–and they will!

“i like to feel good. thatls what i like. no anger no jealous no hurt no sadness no loss no confusion no scared no betrayed no let down no lied to. just good and up. good and better. good then great.”

That sounds really cool like a song! OMG I love it! It says Everything!

Hey you know what, sometimes I feel a narrow river of distrust with people too… and I used to picture a mountain, and the river flowing through the mountain, like a tunnel! Except sometimes the river would be my love and the mountain was the distrust… anyway I felt really surprised to see that you had a river image too and it really reminded me of mine. Thanks. I feel weird speaking in feeling messages. Hello. I. Am. An. Alien… I speak in feeling Messages! LOL! Ok I feel embarassed weird uncomfortable now… I feel like hiding… lol

i want someone to blame OTHER THAN MYSELF for my life not living up to my dreams. i feel sad. ridiculously out of proportion sad. like i just created this beautiful structure that took my tweny plus years and all my resources and time and creativity and love and trying and someone just came and knocked it down just because they could. just because they felt bad about themselves just because they were jealous of my beautifulstructure.

i feel relief. i feel like ok fine. like reshi said. ok i didn’t get what i wanted. i can want other things. just bc i didn’t get the man i THOUGHT i wanted doesn’t mean i can’t have my dreams come true. just means not with him and if it’s not working out with him then it’s not suppposed to. i feel like i am just pep talking myself with bs. always always telling myself next guy will be better for me. and usually he is but where is the guy that i get a chance to feel good with for more than a couple of months? i have no concept of what a real relationship even is. i feel very angry. i like to feel good. thatls what i like. no anger no jealous no hurt no sadness no loss no confusion no scared no betrayed no let down no lied to. just good and up. good and better. good then great. feeling bad blows. it’s like vomiting. it just feels bad. all these feelings brewing in my body and then blech they need to expel. that is a gross image. sorry.

i feel resigned. just live out my days til i die. who cares.

wow i feel so sad. i don’t trust my happiness or my sadness. too extreme too based on pillow structures. not based on anything solid. i love my flimsy sense of reality. i feel sad. i feel angry. i feel overlooked. i feel let down. i feel a useless vagina. i feel hatred towards my vagina that makes me pick men that never claim me. i feel victory over never having succomb to some lame-o girl man. i feel snide bitterness. i feel bitter. like a bitter weed growing in a wonderful flourishing garden. i feel angry. i feel like pounding my fists on a metal table and making alot of noise. MAY I PUHLEASE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. OK I AM FANTASTIC DESPITE MY LONG LITANY OF FLAWS AND I AM ANGRY THAT I HAVE WASTED MY FANTSTIC GODDESS SELF AND MY FANTASTIC GODDESS PRESENCE ON ANYONE THAT DOES NOT APPRECIATE ME. i feel haughty and overblown. i don’t feel that great really. i just want a simple little fun little romantic special best friend good sex loyalty kind of relationship. i feel sad. i love my haughty unrealistic hopeless self. i love that my horse is without lame-o girlymen who do not recgonize their luckiness in us haaving found each other. i feel sad and how can i go on one more minute on this same lame path that is leading me to this same dry well. i am dying of thit. i want a long term sexual relationship. i want romance. i want loyalty and monogamy. i want the fiarytale that will never happen. i feel sad. it feels like endless sadness. i love my never ending lamenting.

i feel so sad. i don’t want to feel sad. i wish i didn’t want or need anything from a man. i feel so sad. i feel hopeless. that feels like i am just a puddle on the ground. i feel like i just want to give up. i feel hatred towards all men. and i feel hatred towards my lack of courage in life. ok don’t beat myself up. i love my lack of courage. i love my fear. i love my hopelessness. my limpness. my want to give upness. i feel i am too strong. but obviously that can’t really be true. if i were truly strong i would be able to withstand being triggered. but why should i have to.

i feel sad. i feel hopeless. that feels like a cloud in front of my face. it feels like i’ve been tricked. i feel self hatred. i want to be loved. i want to be showered with love from people that it feels good and safe to be showered with love by. my theme is i am defective somehow so it will never happen for me. things will never click for me. not my love life. not wealth. not my career. there is some missing chip. that keeps me separate from all the good stuff.

i feel release. i love my hopelessness. i love my fears. i love my cowardness. i love my isolation. i love my lame job and my tiny income. i love my shame. i love my poor choice or good partners. i love my horse with no exes riding with me. i love my stationery horse that i don’t even feel like riding if there is no aa man with me.

life feels so meaningless and stupid. i feel hatred towards men. i feel like i could never trust that a man would have my best interests at heart or treat me like he truly respects me and values me and feels utterly lucky to have found me. i feel so sad. i love my sadness and my cynicism. how great to be a cynic covering up a deep deep desire for romance. how wonderful to have a heart sensitive enough to be able to feel sadness.

i feel so hopeless. i love my hopelessness.how great to be without hope. to be stripped of the fairytale dreams. to just stand naked with my cynicism to keep me company. i feel angry. barely. mostly i just feel sad. what is the world really like without all my illusions i wonder? is it bleak or is it more wonderful? i feel sad. i love my sad hopeless cynic.

My friend just saw my myspace saying I’m feeling sad and gloomy and invited me over to her new apartment! YAY!

Lol I feel a little smily now…