Here’s a great question from Karen – something that each of us deal with about many things – not just a man – but it always seems like the man is the most difficult…
“Hi. Do you have any tips on how to really, really, focus on yourself and try to forget the person who broke your heart?
I wrote to you in April and you did help me a lot. I am still working (two jobs), volunteering, getting out there, signing up for classes, dating myself, wearing nice clothes. I also whitened the teeth, lightened the hair, painted the nails (and toes!). Speak mostly in feeling messages to everyone. Every day is a new way to remember and try to use the tools.
Some days are better than others. Have ordered Commitment Blueprint, have put into practice Targeting Mr. Right. Have ordered Heart Connection and love it. Have learned so much, because remember, I don’t have any role models in the “men” department, so everything is new.
Self -esteem is higher than ever, but, some days, still remember him. How do I forget? Because of the industry I am in (TV), for sure I am going to run into him again (for sure) and I do want to make sure that my “vibe” is going to be the right one. And because, I think of him, I am sure the vibe I am giving out to men is an “unavailable one” some days, not every day!
Thank you so much for your programs. Again, they have really helped me. Karen”
And here’s my answer:
Karen – this is a great question – first…
You’re doing so great!!!!
This part is easy! –
1. Don’t TRY to forget him!
2. Just put him on the back of your horse (I write a lot about riding your horse across the landscape of your life and believing it knows the way to your Happy Ever After…you’ve probably seen some posts or articles) – and ride off!
3. Turn him into your “muse” – with lessons to give you and messages to deliver to you.
4. Make him your assistant.
5. Make him useful to you!
6. And then – he’ll just fade, or fall off the horse – and FOR SURE – another man will show up and they you’ll forget you ever used to think about him so much – and still – he might never go away completely.
A few of the men who were significant in my life still visit me in my dreams. I believe they’re there to remind me of things, to bring me gifts, to give me strength and insight…to help me.
I let them help me.
Just think of yourself as full of love for everyone and everything, and that you’re big enough to contain love even for him…and that’s the antidote to fear and pain around it.
You can do this! Love, Rori
Karen answered me back:
“Okay, I feel that I can do this. Put him on the back of my horse and ride off. That feels okay. Make him my assistant, my muse. Okay. I will try this. I will continue with the tools and keeping myself open. I feel the tools are working, little by little.
I smile at everyone and some days I am full of love. I actually have had men coming up and talking to me, a little, so that’s good, because that never happened before and I talk to everyone, so here’s hoping that if I continue to be open and feeling, Mr. Right will show up. If I continue to keep myself open.
I still cry, Rori, some days are better than others. But, at least I am not stuffing my feelings down like I did before and pretending that everything is perfect and okay and being really nice and over functioning.
If I feel tired, I’m tired and if I feel sad, well, I’m sad. Sometimes I feel that I am closing myself off and not being truthful and using the feeling words and messages, so I try and remember to use them with everyone and I have noticed a difference. So, again, I will keep at it.
Okay, I will let you know what happens. Take care always. Karen”
And I answered her simply:
Crying is good.
Now I’ll add a little to this:
Forgetting is way overrated.
The goal here is not to eliminate an attachment or a feeling so you can “move on” – but to move on REGARDLESS of the feelings and attachments!
If we all waited until the path was clear and we could see what was up ahead and we felt good – we’d miss half the wonderful things life offers us.
Sometimes good things show up when we feel lousy.
Sometimes bad things show up when we feel good.
The only thing you need to be is where you are, and how you feel, and aware of what’s going on for you as best you can.
We’re not ever feeling only one thing at a time.
We’re always in a place where we have access to our whole range of feelings – we can appreciate a hummingbird and smile at the very moment we’re pining over a man.
We can love our dog or cat or bird or fish or mouse in the very moment we feel broken by hurt.
An entire evening with a new Circular Date you may not be “interested” in or attracted to ( perhaps not attracted only in your old pattern ways…) may not feel altogether great – but there were moments where you learned something, or tried a Tool and it worked and made you feel good, or saw a movie you really, really liked, or ate a good meal, or felt yourself be totally present and if you let yourself, you might have been amazed at how great and powerful that felt – and that may be WAY enough to call that evening “LIVING.”
And living way beats trying to beat away the bad feelings or the memories, or anything else.
Just let things come and go – and see if you can keep the vision in your head of moving forward – always – no matter how it may seem to you.
Sometimes moving forward looks like scooting sideways. Don’t be the judge of things…be the liver of your life.