Moving On After 8 Years And Lots Of Pain

Here’s a great story (and I consider it a success story…) from Lindsay–>>

Dear Rori,

I have been reading your articles for probably a year and as I read each one it seems like you are speaking directly to me and my life. With your help and the help of other advice I pulled myself through a relationship “break-up” which I thought was a relationship break-down.” This is my condensed story.

I had been with a man for 8 years. Both of us were divorced and we dated and stuck together through raising three boys of my own and his two girls. Of course, we never moved in together but in my heart and mind I thought one day we would be married. Through the years we argued on numerous occasions because in my mind he was a “liar.”

He would constantly not answer his phone, he often not tell me the whole truth about his plans and many times he would be out of town without me ever knowing. He was very comfortable because he knew I had sons living with me and would not or could not “drift” because of my responsibilities.

Well, as my kids finished school and began moving out, his ways never changed. The last year of our relationship was a nightmare, the arguing increased and in December I found out that he was in contact by phone, email and also sent gifts to his “college sweetheart”. Did he tell me the whole truth about that, no.

Also, at the time I found out that one of my dear friends whom I confided in was on a daily contact with him revealing my inner feelings to him. My God, it was more than I could handle, but I could not bring myself to give him up, instead he gave me up. Two weeks later, he is in another relationship and has been with this person for 6 months.

For 4 months, I was close to a depression, I cried everyday for 4 months, could not sleep, could not get him out of my mind and could not understand why God was not helping me only him. That’s when I did so much reading, church everyday, looking for advice, help or something to get me through this.

Finally, my birthday was June 1 and I woke up and said to myself, this is a new year for you Lindy, no more tears, its time to move on. Four days later, I met a man or better yet a “gentleman” whom I have been seeing since then. Our relationship is so comfortable and easy compared to my last.

But I can’t honestly say that I am completely over my 8 year relationship. I have not seen or talked to him for 5 months and then lately in the last two weeks he and his new girlfriend have been to a few of the same functions that me and my new friend have attended.

On both occasions, I have told him hello with a smile on my face and he looks at me as if he has so much anger towards me. That is what I can’t understand. I was the one devastated, who cried for months, did not go out in public other than barely making it to work and I don’t harbor the anger, he does.

Please help me to understand because the only reasoning I get is that he was never wrong in the 8 years we were together and I guess he doesn’t feel he is wrong for treating me that way today. I do know that and thank God everyday that he kept us from meeting before now, I don’t know how I would have felt about seeing him with another woman, but today I know I was strong and had come a long way because my heart did not hurt.

I would sincerely appreciate any advice or comment you can send to me. The only advice I can give to other women, it does get better in time and there is a reason and a plan. At the time when your life is falling apart you can’t see it but as the days go by things become clearer.

Today, as I look back, I thought my life could not go on without him in it, but much to my surprise I have a new life, new happiness, and relief knowing that I can wake up in the morning not expecting to hear a lie or game played behind my back.

We all have crosses to carry in life, I know this was not my first and it won’t be my last, but what I have learned is that I am moving on without him and most importantly I do as well deserve to smile.

Thanks, Lindsay

Note From Rori:

I want to thank you for your story…and to applaud you for all you’ve done for yourself, and to encourage you to know this is a part of your “toxic” past…and that, of course, you will continue to have feelings you don’t like and don’t understand…but that’s just not important!!!

What’s important is that you keep working for YOU…to have the life and love you want…and don’t let the unpleasant stuff that comes up pull you down.

My programs and book are full of Tools to help you go THROUGH these things instead of trying to conquer them…

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

521 Comments to “Moving On After 8 Years And Lots Of Pain”

1: Smile says:

Yey!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:06am
2: Smile says:

I’m 1st and 2nd!! Woop, I feel a little excited to be here right now

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:07am
3: Sassy says:

First time ever first??!!! Woohoo!!!

Nice story, gives hope to those going through break-ups.
There’s always another man right around the corner.
Wonder when Ima go around that corner….

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:08am
4: Sassy says:

Awwww Smile, guess we hit it at the same time but I was rambling

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:08am
5: Annie says:

OMG!.
Feel both sad and happy to read this.
Sad at the wasted years and pain this woman endured and happy that she is now moving on and away from pain towards love ans happiness.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:13am
6: Lori says:

FW and ladies, FW posted in the previous thread about how a man deals with heartbreak, I responded. I’m really curious as to what you think.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:15am
7: Annie says:

Such betrayal and bad treatment, heartbreaking. Thank God she is heading to a better place now.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:16am
8: Tam says:

Hey Smile!!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:17am
9: Starla says:

i read an old rori post and now i’m just getting clear on something with myself:

i don’t want to live with a man until we are engaged and soon to be married. period. this will not budge.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:18am
10: Smile says:

Hi Tam!!

Ha sassy That’s why I went for a one word lol! I thought it wasn’t loading at first then I realised there were no comments so I got super excited and was like oo oo quick lol!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:20am
11: Annie says:

It feels sad to me Lori.
A temporary fix and distraction that obviously feels good to them in the moment but is temporary so leaves them empty afterwards, because the core problem is still there. Empty casual sex is temporarily filling the void, numbing out the pain.

It would feel best to me to steer clear of men in that place. Actually more than steer clear. I would be running in the other direction. Saying no to what I didn’t want, so when I did want turned up I was ready and in a healthy place to say yes to it.

What do you think?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:22am
12: Starla says:

i would also LOVE a long engagement. like 18 months. This gives us lots of time to ease out of our individual single lives and into a new home together as the wedding actually approaches, and it gives us time to plan the event and just be stress free.

i want qz to know this and our convo about it was loaded with euphemisms so i’m not actually positive we’re on the same page exactly. definitely close enough for now. he says marriage in a few years. i like that, but i want the engagement to be long first, like in another year or two. i didn’t say that because i felt afraid of scaring him off, even though i think he would like my idea very much.

i wish it would come up again! cuz i think we’re really more on the same page than we realized cuz we were scared to say some wrong dealbreaking thing.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:22am
13: Smile says:

Starla, after I lived with ex of 10 years this was my boundary too, but then I cabs when I met strummingman but I did think I had the whole enchilada on it’s way. Now my boundary would be not until the ring arrives… But wait I might not even get married so I need to rethink this boundary too.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:23am
14: Sassy says:

Smile,

Lol it’s all good

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:23am
15: Annie says:

9: Starla says:

i read an old rori post and now i’m just getting clear on something with myself:

i don’t want to live with a man until we are engaged and soon to be married. period. this will not budge.

I feel synchronized with you on that one Starla.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:24am
16: Starla says:

i just don’t want to bring it up in the wrong way, because i would really like our focus to be actually enjoying and being with each other, not seeming like i’m focused on this other stuff that’s bigger than us.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:25am
17: Starla says:

maybe i can just tell him, i’ve been feeling weird cuz i know i wasn’t as clear as i could have been about my desires, and i’d rather bring it up now and then drop it so we can just enjoy each other, cuz none of this future talk matters if we don’t actually arrive there first.

and then we can get on the same page and then let it drop. i don’t want us feeling the pressure of an engagement to be married before we’re actually even engaged. i just want to enjoy each other for the next year or two.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:28am
18: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel really happy. and really ambivalent towards men. This feels good…

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:36am
19: Iamabutterfly says:

hey Starla, I read somewhere that the two year point is usually a tough point in relationships. its where men become unsure of how they feel, and where women start to really push (want) marriage.

patience. and keep your options open. I feel a little nervous because you seem to be in an exclusive relationship without marriage on the table, when marriage seems to be what you eventually want…

why not date QZ AND other men for the next two years or so…? someone better might step up…

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:40am
20: Mercedes says:

K2012: I posted this comment on the last thread but wasn’t sure if you would go back there since the new post is up so thought I would add it here as well…

Actually, if one of us wanted to get married and the other didn’t, it wouldn’t really be a problem for us because we’ve already discussed this with each other. We both know that one of us could move toward that desire while the other one isn’t even thinking about it and we decided that we are not going to lose each other over something like marriage. If either of us feels it in our hearts, we will get married.

We both have children from previous marriages (he has two and I have three). We’ve known each other for 11 years and have been together solid for 8 years now. YAY us!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:44am
21: Starla says:

I was so triggered yesterday with tam. Not at tam, just the triggers that came up were so big. and i really got huffy like a little brat (<—judging myself) who wants everyone to know how much they should take her seriously.

i didn't get a lot of recognition growing up and now that i've actually done some big deal things, i am really sensitive to it being dismissed.

i crave validation big time

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:51am
22: Starla says:

lama, marriage is absolutely on the table, and the timeline is in a few years. but i think he might think i meant i want to be married in a year or two, not just engaged, because we were dancing around the terms “marriage” and “engaged” lol. towards the end of the convo we agreed to stop using euphemisms but we were so starving we gave up and went to dinner lol

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:53am
23: Starla says:

so basically, i am happy with what he’s offered; it’s exactly what i want, i think, but i feel all weird an unsettled because the conversation was a bit mired in nerves and light treading

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:06am
24: Starla says:

i feel really heavy and uneasy thinking that he has misinterpreted my desires because we were using euphemisms and being just a little bit too careful with our diction. it would feel really good to just take 5 minutes or less to be super clear, and then let it drop so we can actually enjoy each other and develop our relationship.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:08am
25: Starla says:

“hey babe? i’ve been feeling sorta heavy and uneasy wondering if we may have misinterpreted each other’s desires when we talked at the restaurant last week about being together, because we were using euphemisms and being just a little bit too careful with our words, you know what i mean? i would feel sooo much lighter and more relaxed if we could just take 5 minutes to be super clear about our expectations, and then let it drop so we can actually BE together and not worry about some finish line until the time comes.”

i’m just scared to be make it seem like it’s a big focus of mine, and i’m scared that bringing it up will make him want to change his mind haha lol

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:18am
26: Starla says:

*and i don’t want to worry that you have the wrong idea about what my expectations are, so i would feel so much lighter if _______

hmm

this isn’t so bad

i can do this

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:20am
27: Starla says:

more tweaking

“last week when we were talking at the restaurant about what we have in mind for down the road and expectations and all that, we ended up treading really lightly with our words and using euphemisms. and i noticed i’ve been feeling kinda heavy and uneasy thinking maybe we could have misinterpreted each other, so i would feel sooo much lighter and relaxed if we could just take like 5 minutes to be super clear with each other on the topic, and then just let it drop so we can actually enjoy each other and not worry about the finish line until that time comes. What do you think?”

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:25am
28: Iamabutterfly says:

@Starla 25 – that felt really long. how bout just “I would feel sooo much lighter and more relaxed if we could just take 5 minutes to be super clear about our expectations, what do you think?”

I have no idea what you mean about euphemisms. I feel confused…

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:30am
29: Iamabutterfly says:

Was HE the one to bring up an engagement or were you?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:31am
30: Starla says:

oh, by euphemisms i mean words that replace taboo ones. taboo words like marriage, engagement, etc.

instead we said things like ‘take it beyond boyfriend/girlfriend,’ ‘be together forever,’ etc.

so it was a little confusing. when he said a few years, i got a little panicked because i don’t want to wait 3-4 years to get engaged. but he meant marriage in a few years, not the engagement. and i said that i wouldn’t want to shut my options down if it would take more than a year or two to be positive about me. and i think he took that to mean that i want to be married within a year or two. i don’t. i want to be engaged.

and he tried to accomodate my preference and suggest that he would consider doing it sooner, but i don’t actually want to get married in a year or two! i just want to be engaged. and i could see it made him uncomfortable but he just wants me to be happy, you know? and so i have been feeling this ‘pressure’ feeling for the both of us now. and he’s probably feeling it too haha

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:35am
31: Starla says:

29 lama, he brought up that he wants to be with me for the rest of his life, and i said that sounds marvelous and asked him about what he had in mind for that and timelines.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:37am
32: Starla says:

we really tried to be brave and direct in that conversation, haha. we really, really did. aw. we just have some more work to do in the communicating department.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:38am
33: Starla says:

31 (to which he said he wants to get married, but first he said he didn’t want to scare me off, and i told him to go for it and just tell me! haha)

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:40am
34: Dominique says:

“last week when we were talking at the restaurant about what we have in mind for down the road, it seemed we were treading really lightly with our words. It all felt unclear, and now I notice myself feeling uneasy, concerned over possible misinterpretations. It would feel good to me if we could just take a few minutes to clarify. What do you think?”

Starla – What do you think?

xxoo

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:41am
35: Iamabutterfly says:

@Starla – I get ya. If I ever get to the point of marriage, (which is what I eventually want, I think, lol) I want to get a covenant marriage. They require you to go to a ton of pre-marital counseling, a lot of which specifically focuses on male/female communication. also, it’s much more difficult to obtain a divorce with a covenant marriage. I want mine to last and I want to know he wants that as well!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:42am
36: Starla says:

34 dominique, yay thank you for chiming in.

i think your suggestion sounds like i just want to double check that he wants to get married asap (which i don’t!) lol.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:43am
37: Starla says:

actually dominique, my reaction to 34 is just me feeling self conscious about him maybe thinking i’m a pressurey marriage obsessed female. i think that objectively and on their own, those words are great.

hmmm..

i still feel so optimistic that he and i can have this convo. or talk about anything, really.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:44am
38: Iamabutterfly says:

Honestly, I am so content being single. However, I do have many moments where I feel desperately lonely and long for a man with whom to share life.

Freedom, flexibility, and respect are all extremely important to me. I want to find a man who can give me that, to whom I can give that…

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:45am
39: Dominique says:

I understand Starla, and I think you might want to be upfront with that rather than dance around this with a bunch of words. I think you could say pretty much what you said in 37, for there is your truth.

xxoo

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:48am
40: Starla says:

“Freedom, flexibility, and respect are all extremely important to me.”

meeeee too

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:48am
41: Lori says:

Hi Annie, it would feel sad to me too. My guy is so stressed out and not himself that he doesn’t even want sex, which is bothering him too.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:49am
42: Femininewoman says:

Yayyy Starla

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:50am
43: Starla says:

thanks dominique

and now i’m remembering about a time in the past when i talked to him about something serious, and i felt like maybe i sent the wrong message, so i followed up to clarify… and he was so appreciative! and just showered me with compliments about how open and honest i always am.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:51am
44: Lori says:

FW, there you are! I responded to your post about men and breakups in the previous thread. Would you read and let me know?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:53am
45: Femininewoman says:

Lori you have said that he is under a lot of stress, right?

The other thing is when there is anger sex might be the first thing that disappears.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:54am
46: Starla says:

hah thanks, fw, what are the “yay”s for?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:56am
47: Lori says:

FW, yes, he’s under an extreme amount of stress and the last time we saw each other, he told me that his ex is harassing him. He can get an erection, he either can’t retain or can’t complete. He’s frustrated.

He wanted me to know it wasn’t me. That he didn’t suddenly become unattracted to me or stop wanting me.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 10:58am
48: Femininewoman says:

Lori I know that this might be frustrating for you but my sense is that it might be best to try and believe him. Unless you feel afraid and have evidence that there is another woman in the picture. I believe Dominique would be a great resource for you.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:05am
49: Femininewoman says:

Starla you obviously know what you want and are willing to vote for yourself.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:06am
50: Lori says:

I do believe he is being honest with me FW. It seemed to be really important to him that I believe him and that he didn’t want or have another woman. I didn’t ask about it, he offered.

I’ve been leaning back. I have this visualize image of us in a bubble, I’m leaning back as far as I can without leaving the bubble.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:07am
51: Starla says:

ohhh ok fw thanks for explaining:) and thanks for the encouragement hehe

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:08am
52: Calypso says:

On FB, the “God wants You to Know” app just told me this:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but to seek and melt all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it”

Melt barriers . . . ilike that! Will do . . .

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:12am
53: Femininewoman says:

Lori from what you have been writing it seems you want more sex and that is not happening. I imagine that this is how he would be in the future so if I were you I would ask myself if I could handle this should this continue.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:12am
54: Lori says:

FW, actually that’s not the case. In fact when we talked about it, I told him that we don’t have to have sex every time we see each other. I’m satisfied and fine. He’s the one that responded with “oh yes we do”. lol. It’s not like that was the focus. We are both in are late 40′s. He’s having trouble excepting that he is changing physically. I’m good with it.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:18am
55: Tam says:

Hm. Very weird feelings cropping up for me.
I have this man on my case who is so into me that it frightens the living daylights out of me..because maybe deep inside I just can’t imagine that anybody would be so into me? No idea. This is worrying…because what if he is?
If he was then I could see myself falling for him because it would mean that the issues could be resolved further down the road.

So today I actually raised a concern and wasn’t sure how he would respond and got very jittery…and although they are only words so far, and I am waiting to see the actions, he basically said ‘no problem if this is what you want, whatever I can do to make you feel good, this is all about you’.

So that was relatively easy (I hope the actions will follow).
So why have I such fear to speak up?
Hm.

Everything is really getting better, the conversations and the sex is really getting more intimate (the one time after me saying ‘I need more time’..things seem to get better).
He is the one that’s opening up and not me and that makes me feel quite safe. He goes first. Not me.
Maybe that is what I need. Someone who is emotionally healthy enough to make allowances for me…and he tells me how he feels when I do something, good or bad. And I get it. And then I can do the same…hm.

I don’t know. The issues, the issues.
Really, I have never been treated better. Ever. Nobody has tuned into my emotions as much, and/or offered me everything on a plate before and said he could not replace me, and that he wants me to be the last woman he dates and sleeps with – no question. He’s had his share of relationships and he says I am just beyond the women he has been with in many ways, and he has been looking for someone like me for a very long time.
And I can see that in his eyes, I have no doubt that he absolutely believes what he says.
This is scary stuff for me. Really scary stuff.
Really, really, really scary stuff because it just doesn’t arrive at my heart…brain yes, heart no. There is so much protection around my heart, urgh.

And I am still holding back.
I could realy fall for him if I let myself. But I feel like he is under the microscope..my microscope…one teeny tiny fault/problem/slip up and I will say ‘aha, I knew it, he really isn’t any good’…like I am some kind of Judge or something. I want to heal this, this is a bad attitude actually. I want to set him up for failure. I really do!! So I can run. Aaaargh!! Not good.

Meanwhile I have a date with another guy tomorrow….and perhaps that is just what the doctor ordered at this point.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:34am
56: Tam says:

Ah, it’s all good, I’m just gonna take it day by day!!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:59am
57: Tam says:

I guess I just don’t know how to behave anymore because it has been such a while since I entered a relationship that wasn’t entered on the basis of instant attraction and hormone haze in a week or two.
We have been dating for 6 weeks and there was no big attraction from me and everything is kind of slowly happening – and I have no idea really how this works. So I fret.
It feels confusing to dilly dally and keep refusing being an ‘instant’ girlfriend…I just never had to.
So I wonder how long it takes for an average relationship to start off and become official?
How long should one take?
No idea.
When it feels right?
I have no idea when that is!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:04pm
58: Smile says:

Omg I am majorly judging this guy based on the dogs he owns! Wow I’d be scared to set foot near them. I’m also feeling judgemental around the kind of person who typically owns these dogs. Staffies… They feel violent. Totally being judgemdnal here I know. The guy is quite sweet though. I’m scared of dogs but might have been open to a sausage dog or a poodle! Or a husky?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:13pm
59: Smile says:

I feel disappointed I’m judging dog cd when he seems a lovely guy.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:14pm
60: Starla says:

smile have you told him you feel a little afraid of his kind of dog?

i would love to see him made aware of this so he has the opportunity to make you more comfortable

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:16pm
61: Smile says:

Tam, as time goes on you will get a feel for what life with him would be like. For me it would take a few months before I knew someone more in order to make a decision to be exclusive.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:20pm
62: Tam says:

Staffies can be great with the right owner…we had one at our place of work. Total softie

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:20pm
63: Smile says:

Starla, I was about to message him back but I was put of by this. I will have a cup of tea and then do it. I never thought a dog would be a deal breaker for me but right now it is, even if he tried to make me feel comfortable. I feel rigid like I don’t even want to relax my fear And to make it worse… He has 2!! Yikes!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:23pm
64: Starla says:

smile i sooo understand your fear. i used to go door to door recruiting members for an environmental lobby i worked for, and i got attacked by an aggressive breed. i am still scared of most dogs. but i have learned that it’s not the breed, but the owner, that determines how the dog will act!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:26pm
65: Smile says:

Tam, I know your prob right. I have a fear of dogs in general so I was a bit unsure but thought I’d stay open and find out a bit more. I 100% also would not want to bring a child up in a home with dogs either.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:26pm
66: Tam says:

Smile, I guess that’s it. It will be right when it feels right. And at this time I am not there yet. I will be sexually exclusive as long as that feels good, but I’ll stay open to meeting other men. Something is holding me back and I trust my instinct. I am kind of warming to the idea that I could be his girlfriend in the future, and he has offered me everything pretty much…but it is way too early for me.
It feels empowering to wait

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:27pm
67: Smile says:

Yes, I do agree on the owner front. But… There is a certain image and stigma I attach with this type of dog, even if its a softie. Again my judgmental side. This is not an image I want to create for myself

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:28pm
68: Smile says:

Wow, what judgements and fears I hold around Staffies lol!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:30pm
69: Tam says:

Smile, i love dogs but they do restrict one’s life. Curly has one and he can’t ever leave him for long, so he either has to come along or we don’t have too much time out and about. It can be a pain. In fact, it is already.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:30pm
70: Smile says:

Tam, keep feeling your feelings and being courageous with your Opening up to him.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:31pm
71: Tam says:

In fact, his dog is the same as him.friendly but reserved, calm with a stubborn streak and totally relaxed until another male gets too close. Too funny. The dog is also a woman magnet…just like he is. As if he needed another one! Lol. Very amusing to see them together actually just strolling along.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:33pm
72: Smile says:

Tam, that’s another ‘against’ lol. But this is about how I feel about the guy, I’m making all these judgements on a dog lol. I guess dogs are for life though so would play a huge part in it. They are also expensive.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:33pm
73: Smile says:

I’m laughing at myself for what I’m about to say…
I believe people look like their dogs… Again going back to the image of a staffie. This now reflects bad on him in my eyes.
((poor guy being judged by me on what dog he has))

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:36pm
74: Lori says:

Smile, you’re totally making me laugh with your comments. lol

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:39pm
75: Lori says:

Day 2 of leaning back, no contact. Also, Day 2 of CDing. blech. It’s fun but yet…

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:49pm
76: Calypso says:

Ohhhh . . . I am such a dog lover! It hurts my heart to know my siren friends are afraid and have had bad experiences

I have 5 dogs and they are such lovers and they don’t have to tie you down – you just have to plan ahead. My 3 sons were raised with dogs and I know it helped them in so many ways. Dogs can teach us a lot about the capacity to love and be loved.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:50pm
77: Calypso says:

Smile – i also believe people start to resemble their dogs – too funny! I have very pretty dogs . . . hehe

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:51pm
78: Starla says:

uh yeah i’m never getting a dog now. lol

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 12:57pm
79: Smile says:

Lori, I realise what I’m saying is idiotic but they are my real fears and judgements. I’m like ‘how on earth can I be thinking these things but I am

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:05pm
80: Lori says:

Smile, it’s not your fears that are making me laugh. It’s your comments about how owners resemble their dogs. That’s so funny! lol

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:06pm
81: Smile says:

Calypso, I was brought up around 2 dogs that were ex of 10 years’s. They were part of my family. In fact when we went through a rough patch one of the dogs sensed my sorrow, I remember talking to him and crying on him. When we broke up I missed them terribly. But these were springer spaniels, not staffies.
Where I live there is a stigma attached to this type of dog. Scally’s ‘typically’ own them. This is more my judgement. But I’d call my brother a scally lol and I love him dearly but having this image is not something I’d choose for myself.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:10pm
82: Smile says:

Ha it reminds me of the film 101 dalmations at the start where the owners walk past with their dogs.

If I was a dog I would be a chocolate Labrador puppy

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:12pm
83: Tam says:

I’d be a whippet!!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:16pm
84: Smile says:

I know that my judgements about these dogs are not true. I’ve read how loving and affectionate they are and how good they are around children but…

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:18pm
85: Smile says:

Tam you look like a whippet! Lol

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:20pm
86: Smile says:

I know radlove loves dogs … I wonder how you are radlove?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:21pm
87: Femininewoman says:

Dogs are very loyal and can be trained

Yet I don’t want no dogs living in my house.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:21pm
88: Smile says:

FW, what type of dog would you be?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:25pm
89: Smile says:

Ha ha can’t believe I asked you that. Giggle giggle smile

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:25pm
90: Dominique says:

Lori – 47 For most men, stress is the number one interference with his libido.

I understand how frustrating this might feel for you, could be triggering you in deeper ways. Please believe him that this is what it is. I do.

If he doesn’t already know, tell him you’ve heard that this is what stress can do a man.

Reassure as best as you can without smothering.

And there is so much you can do with or without having an orgasm, you or he. You can have fun and feel complete as long as you can remain open and relaxed and being okay with what is.

Explore tantra together. Much of tantra is having sexual interaction with no orgasm at all, especially for men.

xxoo

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:44pm
91: Lori says:

Thanks Dominique. I totally get it and I think he does too. He’s just never had this problem before. I’ve done my best to reassure him. I think that’s another reason he is taking space and says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.

Tantra? i’ll check it out.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 1:47pm
92: Femininewoman says:

I’ve done my best to reassure him – Maybe what you have done is not working for him. Maybe because you are trying to figure this out by yourself? Lori I know Dominique suggested tantra but I would suggest you try to talk with her, maybe arrange a session so I can explore deeply.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 2:03pm
93: Elsie says:

Hi,

Oh please help. I’m new here, but I’ve lurked for almost a year now. Today is the day I have to write.

I’ve written so many times and erased what I had to say here. Now I wish I had done so because then you would know my whole story. But I’m so upset today and I feel like I have waited so long to actually type on here and not just “lurk.”

I dont even know where to start. Here’s the cliff notes. Husband and I separated since last April – horrible marriage for the last 8 years. He has no job, no motivation after getting a medical diagnosis, he just checked out of life. We have a daughter. Finally I asked him to move out and he did in April of last year.

I have someone that I know that is a man that I have known for 15 years. He is in the *exact* same situation I am in. Exactly – our partners are the carbon copies of each other. We have been in a relationship now for almost a year.

He is very different from me. He is ISTP and I am ENFJ if that means anything to anyone. He is very logical and straightforward. I am very emotional and loud where he is introverted.

We balance each other out but at times those are obviously at odds.

We are both working on different things. I am working on my divorce. He and his significant other are officially separated – in public everyone knows this – it is not a secret. They are staying together in the same house right now for the time being for financial and other reasons – kids. They are in no way actually “together.” other than that.

So we are both in hard places right now, but having each other has made things a lot better for both of us.

Anyway – I am very emotional and he is not so sentimental. I gave him something last year that he actually cried over. He was very emotional about it and I was surprised. Anyway – it got ruined (by accident) over the past weekend and he told me about it today. He said he threw it out and its gone. I got a bit upset because I said, if you had saved it I could have done something else with it. He knows that I am typically a very emotional person with emotional attachments to different things. He said – yes, that is how you are, and I dont ask you to be different, I accept that. Then he said, I dont see the point of keeping something that is ruined. I said, yes, well, it was very important and emotional, and he pointed to his head and said, well that moment is up here, I dont need something to remind me like you do.

I am not upset that he is not like me. I am upset that he didnt save it and see if there was anything else I could make out of it. I am upset because I feel like he wasnt as “sorry” or “apologetic” for me feeling bad. Clearly, he liked it and wished that it wouldnt have gotten ruined, but it doesnt feel like its a big deal that it did.

I’m just having a hard time with the fact that he and I are so different and process things so differently. He didnt really understand the difference between that and this silly shirt I got him at the thrift store for $1.50. He was like, if this gets ruined do I need to bring it to you too? I was like, no, one is really emotionally important….he didnt see the difference, he was like “but you gave me both things, so I dont see how they are different.”

Anyway -there is a lot of other stuff, and now that the floodgates are opened, Im sure I will be here a lot. I have lurked for a year if you can believe it – but I have no one to talk to today and really want some help/comfort – and most importantly advice.

We are planning on going out this weekend to spend some time together and get these awesome work out pants he gave me a gift for Christmas.

Oh – on that note….he has given nothing but gift cards his whole life. He knew that an actual gift was important to me but I never told him he HAD to get me that – and this Christmas he got me the most awesome gift package of work out stuff that he knew I wanted. I was so moved emotionally because he has never given a themed present in his whole life.

So he knows how I am – but its confusing to him. He really genuinely doesnt understand why this first gift I ever gave him that was sort of the symbol of our relationship starting is really a big deal to me.

Should I just see that he is trying and that is he just different than me? I just dont like the fact that he wasnt more …I dont know…. sorry that it was ruined. He wasnt being mean, he just didnt understand at all….and didnt think it was a big deal – its just an “inanimate object” he said.

Help. Advice?

Oh, and hi….by the way, I’m Elsie

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 2:03pm
94: Lori says:

By reassurance, I meant that I don’t put any pressure on him, when he wants to stop or try, I’m open to him. I’ve acknowledged his stress.

FW, what do you mean a session to explore more deeply?

I’m on FB, the Siren page.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 2:11pm
95: Femininewoman says:

Dominique is a coach.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 2:22pm
96: Butterfly Wings says:

1432: Turquoise (from previous thread) – OMG yep I know what those blue eyes can do! Haha!

I’m liking S more and more every day, and while we’ve not had a chance to see each other privately since last week, I know he wants me bad!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 2:28pm
97: Rebecca says:

Hi Sirens!

Everytime I get to the point where I enjoying being single I meet someone I fancy ( have a crush on). This time its my boss. Yikes!!

Hehe I’m just gonna relax and enjoy the fantasy – I know nothing will ever happen. He hasn’t made a move or anything! But it feels good to fancy someone again…. I will have feelings from afar…. Heheh

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 2:47pm
98: Pe says:

hey girls ! Long time silent lurker lol was once a upon active on this blog.

I just felt like sharing a little story. It’s not much but it’s a big step for me, i’ve been the silent doormat for so long ! a guy i’m seeing was supposing to come by today during his lunch break…never came or called. I was going to shut up about it as usual but i knew that what he was expecting, like he didn’t stood me up and nothing happened like it’s all good. well no ! it’s not all good. i whatapped him : hey, how r u ? r u till coming during ur lunch break ? (past his lunch time) he answers :sorryyy babe, stuck at…(i forgot whatver the hell i dont care) i said : alright then i feel surprised u could have told me….silence (oh yeah ! shock wave, whose that woman ? she never acted like that before, i could feel his surprise and hesitation through the phone, it was laughable lol) then cautionly : was gonna call u, phone died,sorry. After a moment i said “thanks” and got immediately off the chat. What is exciting to me is that i decided to let him know that was not acceptable for me and genuinely didn’t CARE if i scared him off or not. When i look at how my married sister and friends handles their husband, i realize that when u know ur worth, wont take crap from a man and CAN walk whenever u want to, it doesn’t matter what u say, what matters is ur vibe. Quick example(ur gonna love this ! i laughed for days) :when my sister quit her job her husband was the one handling all their bills seemed fine with it at first but then starting making comments in public: “i pay all the bills, she has to do as i say now looool”, he started getting angry at her for stupid stuff, being desrespecful. One day he comes home from work he finds her sitting in the kitchen, clothes on and handbag at her feet. He’s like hey babe ! whats going on…looks like ur going somewhere !? she said : i think u should sit down…i really think u should sit down she repeats when he looks at her puzzled. He sits down with an anxious look on his face and she looks him dead in the eye and say : “listen my friend, i’m not the type of woman who thinks i’m married thought crap and whatver he feels like doing and saying, k ? i’m going to leave u in lightening speed if u don’t tone it down a notch, if u want me to want to stay married with u, ur gonna have to change the attitude, keep those comments to urself and treat me like u did when we first got married. He almost had a hard attack ! apologized a thousand times. Until that day which was 3 years ago he NEVER acted up again and treats her like a queen. It didn’t matter that she was saying the word “u” or that she was blaming him. What mattered was that she stood up for herself, spook her mind, didn’t care how he was gonna react and most importantly that she REALLY was reading to leave and he knew it. That scared him to death. lol

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 2:51pm
99: Starla says:

ahhhh shxt that reporter really is flying in to cover me for that national magazine

wow fun and scary

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 2:59pm
100: Starla says:

i bet a lot of you read that magazine too! how fun!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 3:03pm
101: Lori says:

So the blanket has arrived at his mailbox. They just notified me and they will notify him it’s there.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 3:16pm
102: Sandra says:

It’s not that he mistreated you, but for 8 years you allowed that. Accept that

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 3:34pm
103: Starla says:

Lori, i wonder how it would feel to imagine that with the arrival of the blanket to his mailbox, so did arrive all your expectations and attachment to outcomes. Like, you’re free and unburdened now!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 3:37pm
104: Lori says:

Starla, that’s a nice way to think about it. I know he will call but I’m actually okay if he doesn’t. No expectations. I know what I’d like and what I’d hope but I’m pretty much open.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 4:00pm
105: Starla says:

have a beautiful weekend ladies:).

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 4:06pm
106: Lori says:

You too! I’m meeting my cousin for coffee in the morning. Then I’m going with the girls to a sports bar and grill to watch the 9ers play the Packers. Going to be fun!!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 4:07pm
107: Luzydel says:

I am trying to get organized with my budget and my house. Went to the doctor today or a regular check up and do some tests. This year will be all about me, Taking care of myself, my things becoming more organized and see if I can get a promotion or something. I am not going to fabricate a cd (meaning online dating etc.) I want to get invited by someone out there, someone who I meet while I was doing things for me…

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 4:12pm
108: sensual says:

Ok, I’m writing a script bc I’d like more communication ie. phone calls (he always texts) in between dates with the man i’ve been dating for 6 weeks and am sleeping with (yes too early i know, but we went away together for 3 days near the start and it felt right). I had to find out via an email chain regarding a project we are doing together that he is leaving town next wednesday to go skiing and I guess I didn;t get invited on this one.

Feel free to let me know your thoughts sirens:
“hun I did want to talk to you about something. I have so much fun when we’re together and I feel happy getting to know you and going on dates….. but it would also feel really good to hear your voice a bit in between dates. A phone call here and there to say goodnight or to share whatever exciting thing’s are happened in your life would just feel really good. what do you think”

I could go into specifics about it feeling weird or disconnected to read in an email or text that he’s going away next week etc…but maybe that’s too much wining in one go. Any thoughts on this?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 4:47pm
109: sensual says:

Actually i dont like it at all, it feels weak to me…

I might just say something more direct like ” hun it felt a bit weird to me to have to read on email and text that you’re going away next week and I kind of wish we spoke on the phone a little more in between dates so that i felt a bit more connected to what’s going on in your life…what do you think?”

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 5:02pm
110: GlowStix says:

Amen, Rori!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 5:08pm
111: GlowStix says:

I just got an intense and tingling and exciting feeling! 2013 is gonna be fun. Upswing year, woot!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 5:11pm
112: Memulo says:

I went to an evening service to a place where my ex took me and I missed him so much. I feel that if I knew back then what I know now I’d handle it right. My cd says he is crazy about me and the difference is only in the way I behave. I have a theory – seriously – that every man find that one woman that doesn’t love him and tries to marry her. It us true though that my cd is really looking for a relationship, he is truly looking for a wife.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 5:20pm
113: Memulo says:

I think sometimes that even the fact that I shut up and never contacted him again can be perceived as a weakness. A ‘stronger’ woman would have tried at least to defend herself, not silently cry in the corner!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 5:26pm
114: k2012 says:

“it does get better in time and there is a reason and a plan. At the time when your life is falling apart you can’t see it but as the days go by things become clearer.” Amen, Amen, victory for this lady. I rejoice with her. When I read the section about how the man lied to her and was out of town a number of times, without telling her, I said in my mind “what a wicked man”. Not to mention when I read that she was crying every day and almost got into a depression. I said omg, this poor lady. But by the time I read the rest of the story, I was happy. This is indeed a success story. Indeed Rori. Thanks for sharing this story with us. There is indeed a reason and a plan, my goodness. That is so true. It does get better. Indeed ladies, it does. Trust me. It takes time for u to get over them u know but it gets better everyday. I can identify with that. She now has an amazing man now, thank God. She obviously has a strong belief in God. Ladies, when u are in a breakup, one strategy is to pray. Call on our creator. He will get us through something like this. I love success stories especially when it comes to finding and keeping a good man.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 5:38pm
115: Memulo says:

I feel angry because on one hand I can’t contact him, on the other the longer we don’t talk the less is left of us. And yet every time I think about it I make a decision of not contacting him. I feel angry at myself for not screaming STOP when he was around and I could make a change. With my cd there was one time when I wasn’t treated well and I looked at him and said – you are not making me feel this way again. I don’t care if it was blaming, I said what I wanted to say. he was guilty. And what happened? He respected me more.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 5:45pm
116: Memulo says:

And then I think – before SmartCD no one ever stood me up. I went on hundreds of dates. Tall men, short men, successful, not successful, Americans, foreigners, 1date or 10 dates-no one stood me up once. I remember how I made circles around my apartment like a wounded animal. It is true though that by that time he already decided to move on, but still couldn’t do it. by that time I already confided in him that i had financial problems. I was upset and overreacted because I have responsibilities with my family and I get very upset when I can’t give them more.
So what – now he found his love, just like that??
Did he just find his

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 5:57pm
117: MovingMagic says:

Memulo, I don’t know your story but I can say that I have contacted exs in the past. I usually feel best about it when I have no expectations built around it, or when I want to gauge my feelings toward him. I don’t do it to attack him, or when I’m already triggered over something.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:00pm
118: Memulo says:

Lori, I know you responded to me on the other thread – why don’t you give thi guy with a small girl a chance? It’s great you refused to go to his house. But don’t discard him before you even met him.

Also, in my opininon if someone says they don’t want a relationship the only answer is to run and no contact unless they come with a ring. You can make a scene and drop his tv, but you have to leave and be serious about it. Sorry I may not have followed your story.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:02pm
119: Memulo says:

MovingMagic, thank you. My problem is that I want Everything. Being an option for him to consider doesn’t fit this definition

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:07pm
120: MovingMagic says:

You’re only an option if you let yourself be.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:10pm
121: Memulo says:

In his eyes I was this passive ‘nice’ girl. And I hate this image!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:11pm
122: Memulo says:

By contacting him I allow him to see me as an option. Don’t you think? I’m not going to pretend to be ‘friends’. Talking about the weather or telling him I miss him feels ridiculous

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:14pm
123: Memulo says:

Plus I did call him;) 4 months ago, still thinking we’re together. He didn’t return my call yet

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:16pm
124: Lori says:

Hi Memulo,
I wouldn’t mind meeting the guy with the daughter. I’m not saying I wouldn’t. I just don’t think that is what I want.

As far as my guy who said he doesn’t want a relationship, I don’t contact him. I sent him the blanket because I made it for him and I told him I would. I mean what I say. I want him to know that he’s safe with me and that I keep my word.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:17pm
125: Memulo says:

I was like in a crazy bubble when it happened. Yet I joined 2 dating sites and got a membership in a club. I went on dates and couldn’t remember men’s names. The funniest thing is that I didn’t meet a single player back then. They all were very serious about me. They called asked me out on nice dates and were very consistent. I rejected several people after 6-7 dates and stayed with my cd. But now for some reason I can’t make myself join a dating site.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:21pm
126: k2012 says:

“A ‘stronger’ woman would have tried at least to defend herself, not silently cry in the corner!”. Memulo, don’t be so hard on yourself. U did the best u could, my dear. Don’t worry about it. Its obvious that u are not over him. Other ladies on here might say the same thing about me too cause u and I Memulo talk about our disappearing exes a lot. I think one day out of the blue when we least expect it, they will call. When we forget about them and barely remember them, worse when we are focused on other guys or another guy, that’s the time they are going to call. Trust me. When we least expect it. Mercedes, I saw your response in the previous thread and I responded. I will copy and paste sometime later when I take another break from my work. Didn’t go to work today as I have a tight deadline for Monday and I am working from home.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:21pm
127: Memulo says:

Lori, I know exactly what you are saying. Been thru sending expensive gifts after a break up for exactly this reason. IBelieve me, sometimes it’s ok NOT to keep your word. Or change your mind;) and to care about what you want, not what someone may think about you. Why should he be safe with you? Some uncertainty would do him good;) The moment he starts wondering what you’re doing makes all the difference

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:26pm
128: Lori says:

I agree with the uncertainty. I kept my word because it was what I wanted to do. It was important to me. Yes, I could have changed my mind. I know absolutely that his saying he didn’t want a relationship was not because of me. I know what it feels like to be where he is. It stinks. It took me about 3 to 4 months to get my head back on straight after some of the trials I experienced last year. Whew.

I know he will call after he gets his blanket. Other than sending him the blanket, I have made no contact any way, shape or form. He knows how to find me if he wants to. I’m certainly not waiting around for him either.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:31pm
129: Femininewoman says:

RE 113 Maybe it was because you had this guy on a pedestal worshipping him. Look you are still calling him SmartCD. Not even in lower case. I vote to demote him. He had you spiralling and wondering back then and he still have you doing that now. When will you take your power and energy back?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:38pm
130: Memulo says:

K2012, Im not saying I’m over him. I don’t give it a name, just talking. I’m thinking sometimes the same thing.

My cd calls every night and I have a feeling he wants to know that I’m at work or at home and not somewhere else. At dinner last night he told me that he already made dinner reservation for Saturday night. He checked what else we can do in the near future -concert, movies, theater. Asked ehat time works better- during the week or another weekend. He invited me to go away for the long weekend.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:40pm
131: Starbright says:

Memulo,

Yeah to you for not contacting him after he never returned your call! Why are you beating yourself up?

Sounds like he is the only guy in months who has not wanted you. Is that the reason that you want him?

Seems to me there could be something in asking yourself why you still want him. In what I read of your relationship while you were in it, it really sounded like you were incredibly unhappy almost all of the time. Not sure why you would want him. And yet…we’ve probably all been there a time or two.

Hugs to you!!!

What about the idea that you can’t do something wrong with the right guy?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:44pm
132: Memulo says:

FW, not in lower case because my phone does autocorrect;) I would have otherwise! How would I call him if this is the name I made up for him on this blog?
You’re right otherwise.

With standing me up stuff- no, it was just so crazy that I didn’t want to believe it. My gfriend said back then – ‘I don’t treat ppl I DONT like this way’;)

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:46pm
133: janie baby says:

i feel weird. i finally saw him today! he texted me last night saying “i love you good night. I am so excited for tomorrow”
We saw each other and it felt magical again. All the hormones, weird chemistry stuff…
I was not planning on sleeping with him. He came around at noon and brought me a chocolate croissant for breakfast which was quite nice.
I felt very loved and we ended up sleeping together and it was AMAZING, it hasn’t been amazing with him in a few months, so this was good. at first i was kind of nervous but i told him this and he kept telling me h loved me and he wants to be better for me.
In the moment it felt right and i wanted to so I did.
After, we fell asleep and then left around 2pm to go get lunch. He can tell whenever my mood slightly shifts. I started to feel some doubt.
I felt hesitant and scared. really vulnerable. I felt like since I did that I took away my power or something and that I was under the mercy of my feelings. He asked me what was wrong and then when I said “nothing” he said “come on if you want our relationship to get better you have to tell me if something bothers you. when you bottle it up and later attack me it pushes me away” so i told him “i feel weird…i don’t know i just feel scared” and i was like “i don’t want to get attached” and he said “well i want you to get attached” and gave me a hug. Then he told me he wants to be with me and be exclusive and he’s only committed to me but he just needs a more balanced relationship until he gets a solid job. We went back to my apartment to relax and drink tea. we fell asleep and then he left quickly at 5 :30 because he was late for work.
I said byee! and was sweet
but I felt a little weird once he left and I still feel a little weird.
I feel a little nervous.
I feel like now I’m going to have expectations.
I feel like I made this agreement into exclusivity without checking out my options.
I want to be with him, i just feel a little empty once he left.
Maybe it’s just post coital blues. I don’t know.
Advice for how to proceed?
He said he’d call me later to check up on me and early tomorrow so we could get together tomorrow but we don’t have an exact time. i feel anxious.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:47pm
134: Memulo says:

Starbright,

Yes and no, I wasn’t incredibly unappy. I was incredibly wondering at times but blamed everything on his terrible situation.

I don’t know how to explain it. Just everything he said spoke to me. I got this feeling with men 3 times in my life. Anyway – yes, time to demote.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:53pm
135: Starbright says:

Aw Janie,

If it were me, I’d try to relax. There’s nothing you did wrong and nothing that worrying will help. In fact it does the opposite.

I would turn the attention back on myself. What would feel really good right now that has nothing to do with him? And, then I’d focus there…

It all sounds good right now…and when your mind goes to him relax and feel happy for what felt good! Then back on whatever you are doing.

Have you tried meditation? It can really help with finding the calm places in oneself.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:54pm
136: janie baby says:

Starbright,
Thanks for the response!
No I haven’t done meditation in years but I want to start ever since I read the power of now.
I will focus on my self. In a moment I’m gonna get up and get dressed and head out to a little get together and I will feel better.
I know before I kept thinking about me, me, me and today was great but after today I’m thinking “Ok so when else can I see him? bla bla bla” I get so crazy sometimes haha, but I’m just gonna observe the crazyness instead of acting out with it.
We don’t have a set time for tomorrow so should I make other plans too?
Hmm……..I feel nervous.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 6:57pm
137: Starbright says:

Memulo,

Just curious if the three people you bring up all have similar characteristics? Or, that what you are attracted to in them is similar?

I’ve heard before that we may be most attracted to characteristics we feel we most lack or that they remind us of a parent or previous relationship that we are trying to redo.

I so encourage you to love on yourself! Love, love, love to you Memulo! Love you so much that that old cd is not a missed option!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 7:03pm
138: Pe says:

Hi Janie baby,

I think you should make other plans, since he didn’t set up anything precise and that puts you in a position where you are waiting for a phone call…see what i mean ? i’ve been there before and that’s just my opinion.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 7:06pm
139: MovingMagic says:

Janie Baby, is there something outside of him that could be triggering all of thes emotions for you?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 7:06pm
140: Starbright says:

Janie,

You’ve been through a rough patch with your guy and that makes your nervousness understandable. However, the best thing you can do for you is to do what I already suggested to you and to Memulo. Love yourself. Find your calm in yourself.

Have you ever read Eckart Tolle’s, :The Power of Now”?

He talks about just feeling how you are in the moment. And, in most moments we are just fine. It is usually the future or the past that makes us feel bad.

And, breathing deeply also feels calming. At this moment your man is into you. There’s nothing more you can do about him. How are you in this moment?

I like to remind myself too that “I am the fun!” He’s not the fun. My friends aren’t the fun. I am the fun! And, it makes me instantly smile and feel good! Ha ha!!!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 7:08pm
141: Starbright says:

Janie,

I feel incredibly silly! I guess I saw you said “the power of now” and it did not register!

What is also very coincidental is that book has been on my mind lately. I actually wrote an email to a friend last night and suggested it. He’s afraid he may lose his job for not selling enough this past year.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 7:11pm
142: janie baby says:

I like that Starbright!! hehe
I am the fun!!!
I’m gonna blast some Taylor Swift and have fun and not worry so much about tomorrow.
I loooved that book! I read it last week and I felt such calm and peace. Today was the first time I felt a hint of my past anxiety but can feel it fly away as I remind myself to focus on me.
I think the feeling of emptiness and sadness after was just kind of what Tolle talks about in his book. The moment of wholeness is so fulfilling and then after when he left it felt kind of like abandonment, but now I feel good!
I feel safe , I can observe the emotion and let it wash by me!
This feels good.
Memulo, I don’t know…I just get anxiety thinking of what I’m gonna do I guess. I don’t know, but when I focus on the now that passes!

Thanks for the fix up ladies! Starbright, I am going to start his second book later tonight A New Earth. Have you read it? I’ll check your response here later
xoxo

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 7:14pm
143: Memulo says:

Starbright,

Yes all 3 are exceptionally smart, very well educated, artistic. All three not very strong. Anyway, not in the mood for analysis;)

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 7:45pm
144: Memulo says:

Maybe I should just enjoy a fancy dinner and a movie tomorrow night and live in the moment?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 7:48pm
145: Starbright says:

Janie,

Oh yes, “A New Earth” is quite good also! I listened to Oprah’s interviews with Eckart on that book. They were really good also. Probably still able to get them through Oprah or itunes?

You sound like you are feeling your fun self now! You rock, Janie!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 7:55pm
146: Starbright says:

Memulo,

Whatever feels good! Yes, being in the moment feels great! Enjoy yourself!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 7:56pm
147: Turquoise says:

Hi sirens! Sweetheart and I had a great day together. He got to meet my sister, her husband and my mom. He fit right in. He’s great with My kids, always has them laughing and asks them about their day, school, etc. it’s so comfortable and just feels right. He told me he never wants to let me go, he hates saying goodbye and how much he loves our time together. I feel the same. Then, we met up with his parents and aunt… And again, everything just fits. I’m so pleased with how all of this is just working out. He repeatedly tells me how much he cares about me, how beautiful I am, wants to take care of me and be here for me. I’m sinking into all these magic feelings and just breathing it all in.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 8:10pm
148: Lori says:

So happy for you!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 8:12pm
149: Maria says:

Awesome story! I feel encouraged.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 8:18pm
150: MovingMagic says:

That’s so nice Turquoise!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 8:27pm
151: k2012 says:

Happy for u too Turquoise. Well I am at home here working and talking to Overseas CD on facebook. He has friends over and is playing dominoes. I am getting interested in him. Well I don’t know what will happen. After this crazy deadline is gone, I will have to drag my friend out to a nice place. I have to meet 2 more cds so I have options (snapping my fingers, that’s right ladies, options). Indeed.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 8:29pm
152: Maria says:

@Janie

I feel so happy for you. Overall it was a good day. You’ll probably feel better once you’ve talked to him again.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 8:34pm
153: Lori says:

I’m having so much fun online CDing! Lol

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 8:36pm
154: Turquoise says:

Thank you

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 8:37pm
155: MovingMagic says:

I’m attracted to men who know how to put themselves first. Something I’ve never done naturally…until recently. I constantly have to remind myself. I constantly check in with myself. I’m always a little triggered these days, but I see the light. I can feel the change taking root.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 8:59pm
156: k2012 says:

Oh Lori, u on a dating website. I have my profiles up on 4 websites, but I can scarcely find the time to go on. I am a bit cautious. Does Rori have any guidelines on here for Online dating? If I am talking to a man online (not overseas cd who I practically know from school days- he was in my batch at school but we didn’t know each other until our alumni linked us up.) I am talking about total strangers here now- how long should I take before I agree to meet any man who I have met online? I also need advice on writing a profile. I saw someone write something that Rori wrote to avoid negative statements. Is there anything else, ladies?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:09pm
157: Lori says:

I am. It was hard for me to go on at first but Rori’s right. It helps you to feel better and not dwell so much on the loss. The possibilities that out there. I’m chatting only. No personal identifying info exchanged.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:15pm
158: k2012 says:

Ok. But u know what I want to know. Suppose I am circular dating with 3 cds and none of them step up? Suppose also that all of them step up assuming that u have about 3. What do I do then in a case when all 3 want a serious relationship?

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 9:48pm
159: Indigo says:

k2012

I’m so happy for you! Yay for options!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:18pm
160: Indigo says:

Feminine Woman (from previous thread)

I don’t think it’s necessarily because I make him responsible for my happiness.

I think it’s because when I feel in any way grumpy, it makes me remember my contentment with D most of the time, and the ways in which he fit so well with me.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:21pm
161: Lori says:

I had fun chatting with a CD. Almost a 100 messages.

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:22pm
162: Indigo says:

Lori,

I am in week 2 of leaning back. It gets easier. You sound great!

I have been surprised at how easy and natural and painless it has been. I must be healing.

In my case, he has contacted me almost every day in that time, and invited me over once. I can feel his energy coming towards me, subtlely though. I don’t know what to make of this so I am not dwelling on it, just enjoying taking care of myself.

It is pouring with rain here and I have the house to myself. Yay!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:28pm
163: Indigo says:

Sensual 105 & 106

I hope you don’t mind me saying, but your scripts to your man around phoning and not being invited on the trip sound so much like what I would have said in the past. To me, and also in your own words, I feel a less-than-powerful, hurt vibe, and also they seem to convey expectations.

I think Mercedes would be a great person to suggest how to handle this one.

To me, I think I would lean back a little, and when he notices that you have pulled back a little and comes to you, then negotiate how you would like to be contacted and how you felt about not being invited, in a totally sweet, non-blaming way.

I hope this is helpful to you xx

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:36pm
164: Lori says:

Hi Indigo! It hasn’t been as difficult to lean back as I thought it would be. I have this visual of us in a bubble. I lean away as far as I can without falling out. I still feel him but I don’t think it’s me. We haven’t had any contact since weds morning, the last being his xo to me.

I’m glad you’re guy is leaning towards you. Let him keep coming, welcome but I wouldn’t lean forward.

It’s so cold here!

Friday, 11 January 2013 @ 11:37pm
165: Indigo says:

Hey Lori

That is good, I like your visual of the bubble. Leaning back as far as you can without falling out. That is kind of what I am doing too. I am glad you are finding it relatively easy.

In the past, when I have tried to lean back, I have always found it difficult and faltered. This time, it is almost effortless.

I can feel the energy shift. But what has been most enjoyable for me is the pleasure I have got out of being good to myself.

I think, Lori, where you see a bubble, I see a story. A story which has not been completed yet. This is so hard to explain to anyone, yet that’s how it feels to me.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 12:34am
166: Lori says:

I get it. It’s like the story isn’t over yet. I can feel the energy change too. I think we feel them because they are still thinking of us too. They haven’t disconnected which is good if want them.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 1:25am
167: Smile says:

Hm so dog cd wants to meet up. He tried to reassure me and comfort my fear about his dogs, but … I really do not want to meet them. Again it’s the image. Urg, I’m in a dilemma about meeting him. I have 3 other CDs I’m chatting to, which are maybe more of a match…
I dont think I would be on match this much if amb cd wasnt away for the month.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 1:35am
168: Smile says:

I’m going to be honest and up front with any guy I meet from now and tell them I’m keeping my options open and meeting different guys. Then I don’t feel guilty and dishonest.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 1:36am
169: Smile says:

Also ‘if’ we were to see more of each other in the future I would want him to come to me. I feel restricted by his dogs already and I’ve not met him.I would feel differently if I had purchased dogs whilst in a committed relationship.

I still feel giggly that dogs could be my dealbreaker here.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 1:57am
170: k2012 says:

“I’m going to be honest and up front with any guy I meet from now and tell them I’m keeping my options open and meeting different guys. Then I don’t feel guilty and dishonest.” I agree with u Smile. I am talking to overseas cd right now and he is asking me about past relationships. I saw someone on here sometime ago say its like real estate-u don’t take the house off the market until u receive the best offer.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 2:12am
171: Smile says:

K2012- yes, I’ve been in 3 relationships since I was 14. This is my first year of being single. so I want to see what’s out there. I am the prize!! I’m not in a rush to start a relationship,

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 2:33am
172: Smile says:

But… Because amb cd was one of the first I wasn’t this upfront because I wasn’t seeing anyone. Then when I did I felt soooo guilty. He left me with lots to reflect on before going away so I feel confident we will be able to talk around this when he gets back. In the meantime I’m getting lots of practise speaking my truths and wants and desires. I may not even meet any of them?

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 2:36am
173: Indigo says:

Moving Magic 151

Love this. Me too.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 3:23am
174: Indigo says:

Smile,

I get why you would want to be upfront with them.

Last night, I “broke up” with a CD because he wanted to make me his girlfriend, and a) I don’t want to do that, I want to date. And b) even if I did, I don’t feel strongly enough about him to give up my options and my time.

This would have been, and already was, a source of frustration to this CD. He had that slight manly, possessive thing going on which wanted to monopolise my affections and my heart. I just couldn’t, I liked him, but not enough.

I was actually as upfront with him as I could be at the beginning, but he chose to interpret that as we were moving towards a relationship.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 3:28am
175: k2012 says:

Ok Smile, so u dating online? Overseas cd sound like he is interested. I feel happy talking to him.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 3:31am
176: Smile says:

Indigo, yes I too would only become exclusive with a guy if I knew we had the same wants and desire for the future if we were to become exclusive but also I would trust my feelings around when it was the right time. Then I could just focus my energy in having fun and creating a relationship without wondering where it’s heading. I believe it’s important to get it all aired at the start when your not attached to a guy.
Also dominique often talks about becoming exclusive naturally without any conversations being had. If this was the case I would know when I wanted to stop going out on dates
with others and be comfortable in letting this happen naturally having already had the long term desires for the future spoken about. She helped me to be comfortable with choosing trust if this were to happen.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 3:45am
177: Smile says:

K2012 yes I’m online dating! I’m loving meeting different types of guys. I’m paying close attention to their behaviour so I like to get it off line as soon as possible to see how often they text, what their persona is like with mine, how they talk and the amount of energy that comes towards me and how I fedl around it.

I use hmm maybe Linda wrote this… I prefer living real life than writing on a page.

I don’t like getting into long emails with guys.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 3:49am
178: k2012 says:

Yes Smile I hear u. Overseas cd just asked me what type of man I like. I told him and he asked what does the man get in return. So I told him that in return a man will get a loving, kind and I use some other adjectives. I had in the word committed. I deleted it. I will be committed to a man who I am involved with only AFTER he commits to me. Mercedes, I hope u soon log on to see this. I am glad he is not married as I am getting to like him. Oh later on, I will copy my response from the last thread to u.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 4:01am
179: Smile says:

Ha, I did take one guy by surprise by talking about it but he said he appreciated my honesty and no point wasting your time with someone who isn’t looking for a committed relationship.

By the way I didn’t just tell him or lead the conversation, I went with the flow and took my opportunity when a link to this conversation occurred.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 4:03am
180: Smile says:

Dominique, you were right when you said I might change my mind around whether I want to be married or not.

Today I choose marriage!! Mostly for the legal, financial security if I had children especially.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 4:28am
181: Smile says:

I am really interested in hearing opinions on this…

How would you feel if you were married and wanted children but your husband turned out not to be fertile to make this happen?

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 4:32am
182: k2012 says:

Well, I would feel disappointed and a possible solution could be adoption. What do u think about adoption? Ladies, did u see questions I posted above? Well, well what a coincidence. Overseas CD and myself have been talking from about 4:30 am (EST) and its now after 7, but that’s not the coincidence. The coincidence is that not only is he born in the same month as me but his birthday is TWO DAYS BEFORE disappearing ex. So overseas cd, disappearingdisappearing ex and myself are born in the same month. I don’t know the future of this of course. We are just friends at this stage but I like him and I certainly pray that he is nothing like disappearing ex. Both he and disappearing ex and myself are old schoolmates. He therefore knows disappearing ex. Overseas cd asked me what happened with disappearing ex and I told him. When I responded, I said in my mind that “a true u no know a who” (my dialect). In other words, he (overseas ex wouldn’t like to know who was the disappearing ex. Of course, it goes without saying that I am not telling overseas ex that it was that person I was involved with, that is, disappearing ex. Hope he is nothing like him. What a coincidence. Disappearing ex is a twin while overseas cd has twins while I have twin brothers. Can u imagine! What a coincidence again. Mercedes and other ladies, do u find that u keep getting involved with men who have similar characteristics, whether birthday is the same, have similar interests, born in the same month, etc?

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 4:54am
183: Annie says:

Smile.
That is an interesting question, I only feel able to give an educated guess on how I imagine I and most women would feel in those circumstances which would be devastated. An unless we are really there we don’t really know for sure how we would feel.
And the important thing for you is how do you imagine you would feel

What do you think?

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 5:27am
184: Annie says:

178.

178: k2012says:

“Well, I would feel disappointed and a possible solution could be adoption. What do u think about adoption?”

I feel in agreement.
Or IVF, if both parties wanted the same and were compatible and either was a viable option.

I believe if there was no solution and a womans desire for a child was a priority, which is the case for most women at some time in their lives then her desire for this would supersede everything else and she would her wants and desire would supersede her want and desire for that individual man.

What do you think?

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 5:32am
185: Annie says:

Smile. Marriage is in the best higher interest for women and children and I believe men also like you say for financial and legal reasons amongst other things.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 5:38am
186: Annie says:

*Smile. Marriage is in the best higher interest for women and children, for women and men who want to have children and raise a family together.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 5:41am
187: BeLoved says:

Reflections during my morning sadhana:
Memories coming up and drifting through
without blame I could see more clearly
loving my inner drama queen
loving the messages she has for me
thank you
I remembered once, my ex (I worked in his bar) came up to me near the end of a long shift and pestered me for a ride to pick up his car from a mechanic, in another city. It was nearly 2am, and I had another job to be at in 6 hours.
I remember how I couldn’t say no
the fear, the guilt, the anger
the anger that he would wait until the last minute to ask me
the anger that his other girlfriend (poly relationship) said no and
“left” the “dirty work” to me
the fear of what might happen if I flat out told him no
feeling worn out by the way he managed to overcome every objection
so I relented and the rage just kept building and building and building
and by the time I dropped him off I pretty much pushed him out of the car, screaming like a banshee

Now I see, how my inability to say “NO” caused me massive amounts of pain.

My inner drama queen and pain tell me when I am out of integrity with my values. She tells me when I have divorced from an aspect of myself – like with the vendor, I disconnected from the feelings of unworthiness and went into manipulator mode, causing a rift in communication and an internal rift, which HURT LIKE H3LL.

I feel so much better now that I choose to trust life, and choose to trust that the perfect partner is already selected, I don’t have to DO or WORRY or THINK or FIGURE OUT.
Last night, as I settled into sleep, I felt a warm, mothering presence holding me. I felt so safe, so secure and thought
Oh
I’ve been chasing after a man all this time and
what I’ve been wanting is
a mother’s love.
I’m crying soft tears of joy and gratitude
thank you
thank you
thank you

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 5:58am
188: Annie says:

Re dogs, it feels difficult not to judge someone based on stereo typicalness on who usually owns a certain type of dog.

It feels best to me to go on the vibe and energy around the individual and the dog and observe. Also taking into account though the nature of that individual dog as at the end of the day a dog is a dog and a primitive animal.
So no matter how it has been trained when push comes to shove if that dog is in a survival situation it will revert back to its primitive state and react from it’s primitive instinct not how it has been trained by its human owners.
So if it were me I would get to know as much about the individual breed as possible.

Also is a big commitment to have a dog. So the questions are how do you feel around that dog/dogs in general@ do you want to become involved with someone who has that type of dog? Do you feel ok with it? Is it a deal breaker? As you have decided that you do not want to take on the commitment of being part of looking after a dog.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 5:58am
189: smile says:

If I couldn’t have children of my own I would love to adopt or become a foster carer. I work with children in care everyday and this has opened my eyes.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:13am
190: Femininewoman says:

Another thought – men who own dogs prove they have the capacity to commit and also to take care of living things. Both are good indicators for a man with relationship potential+

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:14am
191: Annie says:

Beloved.
“Now I see, how my inability to say “NO” caused me massive amounts of pain.

My inner drama queen and pain tell me when I am out of integrity with my values. She tells me when I have divorced from an aspect of myself – like with the vendor, I disconnected from the feelings of unworthiness and went into manipulator mode, causing a rift in communication and an internal rift, which HURT LIKE H3LL.

I feel so much better now that I choose to trust life, and choose to trust that the perfect partner is already selected, I don’t have to DO or WORRY or THINK or FIGURE OUT.
Last night, as I settled into sleep, I felt a warm, mothering presence holding me. I felt so safe, so secure and thought
Oh
I’ve been chasing after a man all this time and
what I’ve been wanting is
a mother’s love.
I’m crying soft tears of joy and gratitude
thank you
thank you
thank you.

Ty for Sharing.

Felt great to read this.

I believe that when we are able to tap into this higher power we are there and ready for our soul mate to turn up.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:14am
192: smile says:

Annie
“I believe if there was no solution and a womans desire for a child was a priority, which is the case for most women at some time in their lives then her desire for this would supersede everything else and she would her wants and desire would supersede her want and desire for that individual man.”

Yes I wonder if my desire to have children would supersede the individual man if he was infertile unknowingly. But then If you were married and had made vows to each other, ‘for better or worse’ … Wow marriage is definately not to be entered into lightly.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:17am
193: smile says:

I feel more educated around the issue of the financial and legalities of marriage and divorce now I have read around this a bit more.

If a couple do not want to get married but offer committment in other ways then there are other ways to ensure financial security, power of attourney, parental rights, pension entitlement etc.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:20am
194: Annie says:

186: Femininewoman says:

“Another thought – men who own dogs prove they have the capacity to commit and also to take care of living things.”

Depends on how they treat the dog and how the dog behaves.
Do they leave it alone for long periods of time?
Do they treat it like an accessory? Or a dog?
Do they hit it?
Does the dog bite or try and bonk other peoples arms legs? Jump up at people?
How does it behave around other people?
How does it behave around other dogs.

I would be observing?
Just because someone has a dod, does not mean they know how to and are able to take care of it well.
All it shows is they bought a dog and have a dog.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:20am
195: smile says:

fw 186, thank you for this thought. Yes what a good indicator. I get a good feeling from the guy and its more the ‘stereotypical judgements’ I am feeling bad about. Like if he just had a different breed of dog it might not be soo much of a deal breaker…

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:23am
196: Annie says:

People prove who they are by their actions, not by their words and what they have.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:23am
197: smile says:

From what ‘this’ guy has communicated, he loves these dogs as if they were children, and is a very good owner.

but yes annie I agree this is not necessarily a given.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:24am
198: Annie says:

Smile.
” I get a good feeling from the guy.”

Seems a good place to start and maybe lean back and watch.

What do you think?

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:26am
199: smile says:

yes, he assures me if I met them i would change my mind

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:27am
200: Annie says:

“From what ‘this’ guy has communicated, he loves these dogs as if they were children, and is a very good owner.”

Actions speak louder than words .

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:28am
201: smile says:

I feel overwhelmed with all the guys showing up on match for me. There are too many I want to respond too. I feel like I am limiting myself to a few at a time lol

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:28am
202: Femininewoman says:

Truly Smile, regardless of the breed of dog I believe it is your mind looking for something. It might be a pattern. With this guy it is the dog. With another guy it might be the size of his nose or how he is meticulous in organizing his ties. For me I know I can’t live with dogs so if on a dating site where guys post pics with themselves and dogs I totally avoid interacting with these guys. I would not consider asking a man to get rid of his dog. I just acknowledge it will not work for me. People have emotional attachment to their animals. Dogs can be particularly loving and some people use them unconsciously to avoid human intimacy.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:30am
203: Femininewoman says:

Yeah Annie. Your logic can argue with anything. Our minds can always find negatives.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:32am
204: Femininewoman says:

Smile what is most important is how you feel about yourself in and outside of his presence.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:33am
205: Memulo says:

FW!!

Men with dogs…..LOL! I tried to go out with one. The guy had 2 dogs and loved them dearly. He got very nervous when he had to leave them at home alone. During the business day he had someone coming twice a day to walk the dogs. He had a baby monitoring system on his cell to check ehat they’re doing and whether they’re happy. At dinners with me he felt very guilty he left them home alone and was staring at his monitoring screen. When he invited me home to watch a movie I was very safe!! I need not to worry about being seduced at all! Dogs hated me. On a couch they sat between him and me made sounds so that he would pet and touch them all the time (for the length of a movie) and would try to push me off the couch – they were relatively big. He told me – theyre so gentle, theyre emotional towards you. Dont upset them. When he told me that they sleep with him in his bed at night ( and they smelled too) I ran as far as I could. He too told me that since he is so caring towards them he’d be a great father. Never married at 50 this is still to be seen;))

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:35am
206: smile says:

hm, Its not the idea of living with dogs. Whilst it isnt my ‘choice’ I have lived with dogs with ex of 10years. We had 2. I am open to this.

My fear is around the type of person who ‘stereotypically’ chooses to own this breed of dog. This is not a person I would want to interact with.

I work in a very deprived area and I see people with this type of dog all the time. Now this guy seems not to be the type who has no job, no desire to create a nice home etc but the ‘association’ is there for me.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:36am
207: smile says:

memulo 201, can you be too loving towards dogs then lol!

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:38am
208: smile says:

Now I think that cdating might actually prevent me from creating a truly loving relationship because I might now melt enough when recieveing from a guy for fear of becoming attached when I have options. wow

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:42am
209: Femininewoman says:

How would you feel if you were married and wanted children but your husband turned out not to be fertile to make this happen?

Smile inherent in this question is a suggestion that children are more important than your relationship with the husband and how you feel about being with the man.

I would ask myself if I would be willing to marry a man who did not want children. I met a beautiful one like this some years ago and had to walk away because deep down I knew I wanted children and felt weird when I heard him say he didn’t. Looking at the picture of us together I felt he loved me, but then I could not see it then.

Also this is a topic that can be discussed as you navigate commit discussions. The possibility could be that you are infertile. Or the fetus keep getting stuck in the fallopian tubes. Or you keep miscarrying.

I would seriously ask myself why would I want to get married in the first place.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:42am
210: Femininewoman says:

RE 204 – In my humble opinion, you need to get out of your head and live in the moment.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:43am
211: Femininewoman says:

Memulo, I am not surprised.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:44am
212: Femininewoman says:

Balance in life is always key

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:45am
213: smile says:

All this talk and questions has come from my reflections. Amb cd brought up that he doesn’t think he wants to get married again because his marriage broke down from the stress caused by his wife not being able to concieve. he feels bad because he broke his ‘for better or worse’ vow. he is open to children and committment though. I am exploring my feelings around this and what I want. If I continue to see him then its on this understanding that I am okay with this. I know there are no guarantees that this we are going to committ to each other but its important to me to share the same end goals as sosmeone so as not to build up resentment.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:52am
214: Mercedes says:

Sensual, Indigo says: I think Mercedes would be a great person to suggest how to handle this one.

But I’m not so sure I am.

Are you circular dating? I don’t think a script is in order here at all. This is a man who doesn’t call and doesn’t tell you he’s going to be out of town and doesn’t invite you to join him which means you have no way of ever knowing if he’s going to ask you out or not (because you don’t know where he’s going to be on the weekend). Not only is he nowhere near committed, he’s not even a boyfriend in the sense that I would want a boyfriend. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t say anything at all about the phone calls or about the trip but I would indicate (if he asked me what I was doing over the weekend) that I have a date. Not to make him jealous but to make it really, really clear that I’m not interested in friends with benefits or last minute hookups and that I am dating lots of men until I find what I want.

I doubt that helps at all but I’m really not good with scripts and I’m also not good with men who never call. LOL! I never used to be good with men who travel but since J and I both travel so much I’ve gotten used to that part (although I do always know where he’s going to be!) so I don’t know what to say about a script. Maybe one of the other ladies can help with that.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:52am
215: Annie says:

Femininewoman says:

“Yeah Annie. Your logic can argue with anything. Our minds can always find negatives.”

I feel amused at that statement and your judgments about me hey ho.
But they really have nothing to do with me. None of my business what other people think of my logical mind and if they think sometimes my mind can find negatives.
Feel in agreement with you though that minds and everyones minds can and do find negative things. Or things that feel bad to me.
Nothing wrong with that.
That feels a good, accepting and balanced quality to me.
I love this quality I have.

I feel agreement with Rori that it doesn’t matter what a man communicates with words to us. And what matters is what he does re actions.
So feels best to me to sit back and observe a mans actions.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:54am
216: Annie says:

210: Mercedes.

I love this.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:57am
217: Mercedes says:

K2012: “Mercedes and other ladies, do u find that u keep getting involved with men who have similar characteristics, whether birthday is the same, have similar interests, born in the same month, etc?”

Similar interests – certainly! I think it’s very, very important to do so. But the rest of that stuff is just added conversation pieces or something to laugh about or things that make you say “hmmmm” but no…I don’t put much stock in those odd little similarities between people who have recently met.

Others might feel differently. That’s just me.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:03am
218: Femininewoman says:

Smile if I was sure that I want to get married I would walk away. Or just accept being friends.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:04am
219: Annie says:

I love feeling centered and balanced if feels great when I am in that place.

I love and accept my logic aswell as my feelings.
They all serve me well.

I love my B type brain it is part of who and what I am

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:09am
220: Mercedes says:

Thank you Annie.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:11am
221: Smile says:

214, I’m not sure though. I want commitment but actually I’m unsure about getting married. I don’t want the expense or the traditional part/ celebration/ gathering. I’m a quiet private person. I’d hate being on show. I would want to take my partners name though for my furture children and wanting to br a family and to feel like I was the only one for him.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:14am
222: Luzydel says:

Well ladies; I am taking a break from the blog. It is turning redundant and Umm well superficial. I need to get back to deeper things in life. Talking about men feels empty for me….

Be back some other time…

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:21am
223: Indigo says:

Mercedes 210

I agree with you! I don’t think a script is in order here either, and I thought you might be the best person to tell her what she should be doing instead!

Agree with your advice

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:22am
224: Annie says:

Smile, It’s about the journey within and finding out what you honestly and truly want.
CDING and expressing that openly and authentically with everyone in the moment and not fully investing or being exclusive with anyone who is not compatible and offering what you want. And by cding and finding these things out, the right compatible man for you will want to, prove to you with actions and be able to offer you what you want.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:23am
225: Annie says:

So I feel in agreement with FW, if what you want is marriage one day and he does not, he is not compatible with you.
His stuff with his ex is his stuff.
Where he is at and has nothing to do with you.
What is to do with you is what you want.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:26am
226: Femininewoman says:

Bye Luzydel

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:29am
227: Mercedes says:

Luzydel: I’ve had to take breaks before too and most likey will again some day. I always seem to get drawn back here for some reason though so I hope to hear your voice on here again sometime. I do understand needing to go to a different place sometimes though. I wish you the best in your journey and hope you feel at peace with your decision.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:32am
228: Femininewoman says:

Sensual to me the situation read to me like a fling, a casual or friends with benefits situation. I am okay with being wrong. Bringing up the lack of phone calls or choice to go out of town without your knowledge might only inspire him to create more of that if all he wants is a casual fling.

I believe he is demonstrating where he is at and what he wants with you. If that is not what you want then you know what you need to do. If I were to share a feeling message with him it would be around if I am having sex with a man what I want is constant contact, plans, trips etc. Yes I would be wanting to put pressure on him for some kind of commitment. Otherwise I know I could not be having sex with him.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:35am
229: Smile says:

Exploring my wants and desires for the future feel far from superficial. Actually it feels like I’ve had to go deeper into myself than I ever I have before.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:39am
230: Smile says:

Annie, and oh what a journey this is proving to be. I love self discovery thank you

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:41am
231: Mercedes says:

FW 224…beautifully said.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:44am
232: Tam says:

I feel so happy.
And I feel so proud of myself that despite the issues that really bugged me and probably will keep bugging me eventually, I have given Curly the time of day. Even without attraction at first. I felt comfortable with him and decided to experiment.
And so far it has really paid off.
He has been treating me so nicely, he does not miss an opportunity to contact me, see me (at my timetable), make me feel good etc.
Last night he took me out for another one of his boys’ night out….and I was the only girl in the group basically. He was telling all his friends, and NoCD was there too (who had been trying to date me a few months ago but we decided to be friends)…and it was the first outing as a couple really. And he was soooo attentive and sweet and telling the guys how lucky he is to have met me…
Yeah, he is a man’s man and they were checking out other women but I was kind of an insider and found it really interesting, and never felt insecure or anything because I had his full attention.
This morning we went with breakfast with the boys again and it was just lovely, lots of jokey moments and him really proud of me and happy to be there with me.
It has been many many years since I felt that someone was so into me and treated me so well and is not afraid to lay bare all his private life, even the not so shiny bits.
He is a good guy and I am not saying that he is my forever man – we are still at the stage where he is trying to make me his girlfriend and when I don’t answer he will say ‘yes, yes, yes, you need more time’ and then we laugh about it.
So who knows. But I am so glad that I didn’t let the red flags or age difference make me tip him out with the bath water, oh I’d have missed out on sooooo much already.
I feel curious as to what, if anything, this develops into…I feel excited.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:07am
233: Tam says:

Ha. When he said ‘you are my girlfriend now’ I answered that he could be my ‘friend with benefits’ for now and maybe more later, jokingly, and he was acting shocked:
‘I don’t want to be your friend with benefits, I want to be your forever man…or how about best friend and lover for now? Does that sound ok? I want to make you my best friend and lover. I will make you mine, you will see!’.
Aw. So funny and sweet.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:14am
234: Tam says:

217 Smile, that so so resonates with me. If I ever got married it would be a quiet and private affair. I hate being the centre of attention, it makes me feel on edge and under the microscope.
I’d love to elope to a tropical beach (well, that’s what I have done already sans wedding..ha).

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:16am
235: Smile says:

Yey tam I feel excited for you too xxx

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:17am
236: Smile says:

Oo a wedding on a secluded beach, sounds idyllic tam!

Off out now with fab friends! I love my life right now

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:20am
237: Lori says:

I’m trying to keep my energy positive ladies. I don’t think he’s picked up the package yet. Grrr. Reminding myself that he’s busy with getting ready for the playoff game tonight. (he’s in the sports industry).

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:22am
238: Tam says:

Smile, FW, Annie. A man might say he never wants to get married and change his mind.
I know at least 3 men who said that and got married again, all within 3 years of uttering those words with conviction ‘I will never ever get married again!’.

Throwing out a man that feels right just because he hesitates about marriage is a little gamble. Who says you can find someone else who fits so well, and who says he won’t change his mind ‘on a dime’ and give you a ring all of a sudden?
Men say a lot of things and then go and do the opposite.
If he is a good man and into you and makes you feel great, well, perhaps it’s worth a chance and perhaps he will be open to discussing the future and marriage eventually, even though it is a barrier for him now.
If in the earliest stages of a relationship, perhaps marriage is too much future thinking…and talking about marriage also – and you might find out after 6 months, that you don’t want to marry him – ever..

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:24am
239: Tam says:

Smile your card and happiness bag just made this day even more perfect..thank you!!

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:25am
240: Smile says:

Tam 234 yes this is the thing for me, he makes me feel great in so many ways, he is a step up guy so far and I receive a lit of energy from him. I don’t feel ready to stop seeing him yet. But I also don’t want to hoping he will change his mind. I would want to be ok with the possibility of it not happening and then if it did… Bonus!

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:28am
241: Smile says:

Yey it finally arrived!!!!!! Glad you like it x

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:28am
242: Tam says:

201 Memulo…eeek. The dog story. Nope, I could never sleep in a bed with a man and his dog.
I would never want a pet in my crisp and clean sheets either.
I was soooo happy to know (when we were still ‘just friends’), that Curly said ‘oh I don’t understand people sleep with their dogs. My dog and I, we are two guys, we don’t sleep together. He smells. He sleeps on the floor!’. Ha ha ha ha.
I was so happy to hear that.
But then he was pet sitting for a little cute clean short haired dog which would not sleep on the floor but crawl into his sheets at night and snuggle up. He said he just couldn’t refuse that as it was a little girl dog and she was cute and clean…I grumbled but as I never stayed at his house, I don’t care. Just the fact that it’s ok with a little girly dog, but not his male smelly dog friend…made me laugh a lot….he is so funny.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:33am
243: Tam says:

236..Smile, if a man loves you, he will not stop short of anything to try to make you happy.
Which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go into a relationship with your eyes wide open.
However, I really believe that he would want to make you his fully…but it may take time to find out.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:35am
244: Lori says:

omg! This CD just told me “if beauty was a grain of sand, you would be all the sand in the world”.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:48am
245: Memulo says:

My cd often tells me ‘I want you to be mine’

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:52am
246: Memulo says:

Is that Shakespeare Lori?

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:54am
247: Tam says:

Conundrum: going out with Chubby Austrian today. Curly asked me what I was doing…and if we could spend the day together. I said I was meeting a friend for coffee and it came out that it is a male friend. He did not ask any more questions, but he is a very clever intuitive man…and I only agreed to sexual exclusivity, so he knows it’s a ‘date – type situation’.
I could feel the vibes but he said nothing.
So that’s ok.
But Austrian CD is really interested in me and the sweetest guy. And suddenly I feel worried, what if he wants to kiss me. It would feel wrong.
I should also tell him that I am seeing someone else? As when we first met, almost 6 weeks ago, I was only on date 2 or so with Curly and did not see him as a good option.
Ugh. Perhaps I do feel ready to commit, at least to being a girlfriend, sort of. Because just the thought of kissing another guy and making him believe he has a chance of a relationship with me, at this time, makes my stomach turn.
Hm.
I shall see how I feel later.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:55am
248: Lori says:

I have no clue! It was nice to hear though. He’s very poetic.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:56am
249: Femininewoman says:

“Throwing out a man that feels right just because he hesitates about marriage is a little gamble.”

No Tam that is not my intention or thinking. Mine is that in walking away I show myself and the man that I am committed to my happiness and creating the kind of life that I want. It is also a subconscious message that I respect his own wish of what he wants in his life. If I hang around I might be tempted to say and do things trying to convince him that I am the right woman for him.

For me it is important to acknowledge to myself if I want marriage and commit to being with a man who wants the same thing.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:57am
250: Femininewoman says:

Tam now he has an incentive to show you that he is a better man and to shoulder the other guy out by filling up all your free time

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:03am
251: Tam says:

245 ‘who wants the same thing’.
How and when is he supposed to know if one can’t give him time for the feelings to grow that might make him decide?
My own father said after the divorce ‘I will never get married again’. After a 3 year relationship, he proposed and they have been married for 20 years now.
So what would that tell you? And he is not the only man who has done that.
Is the marriage more important than the man, and why?
For me, it’s the man that counts.
I had three proposals in my lifetime and could have been married 3 times…to the wrong men. Yes, they offered marriage but they were wrong.
So for me, it is more important to be loved and feel great with the right man, then to insist on a piece of paper and a ring…which he will most likely offer me further down the road anyway, if he truly loves me and wants to make me happy and if this is what I want.
For me, ‘marriage’ above the ‘relationship’ is insecurity speaking, and control.
Impatience.
‘wants the same thing’, well for me it is more important that he wants me…and then he will want the same thing also. I truly believe in that. And after three proposals, I find that to be the truth.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:08am
252: Tam says:

246..lol FW, he has tried to fill up my weekend already and was a bit taken aback that I had plans..but I believe a little ‘away time’ is healthy. Even if he is not wanting it, for me it is very good because it means rather than getting too attached, I can focus on myself more…that’s needed at this early stage.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:10am
253: Tam says:

Ladies, this is funny. This morning I come out of the bathroom to see Curly sit at my desk, reading glasses, on my computer. It was the cutest picture ever but I freaked!!!!
I have a link to this blog and a journal and pics of men and all sorts on here. I just went ‘you are snooping on me!!!’ and he looked like a little boy, and grinned and said ‘aw, no, I just wanted to check my emails’. OMG.
The man is something else. He could have asked. I know he was snooping a little. My facebook was open with a message from his friend that wanted to date me – I left it open before going into the bathroom. Thank God I told him about it before. For sure he read it again.
The cute thing is that I was totally honest with the guy and told him I was dating curly but that we could meet one day maybe. And the guy wrote back (this message was open), that he gathered Curly really liked me and he could see that in his eyes weeks ago and hence he only now got the courage to ask me for a date as he didn’t want to do it in front of him.
And that is what Curly read, I am sure. I had already told him a bit about it anyway, so no big deal.
And at breakfast he said to the other guys ‘I have competition from within my own ranks!’.
And they were all gossipy and asking who it was etc. I got up and went to the restroom and said to Curly ‘want to check my phone too?’ and he was embarrassed and said ‘I am not a snooper’.
Pretty funny.
I was a little upset to find him at my computer, but I trust it was innocent and he really just did want to check his emails…judging by the look he gave me when I ‘had a go at him’…he he he.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:22am
254: Tam says:

Shit a brick, MrP just contacted me

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:46am
255: Lori says:

You know, for all I didn’t want to CD, I’m having a blast! lol. One guy is willing to drive 400 miles to meet me. Another wants to take me on a hot air balloon ride. (I skydive so he figured I’d like it). Another has a bike which I love. I’m feeling sexy, beautiful and powerful. I don’t need to commit to anyone.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:50am
256: Tam says:

testing the waters, some random link and message about the island I used to live on.
Most people don’t even know that about me, he was always able to retain the tiniest snippet of info I told him about me, like no other man ever could or did.
Whoa, lots of mixed feelings.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:53am
257: Lori says:

I think I just melted. See below email from another CD. What a charmer. lol

“I believe your eyes are the window to your soul and combined with your smile you have a glow about you that makes me want to be around you and learn more. I am one that feels your eyes are the window to your soul And you seem to have a glow or happiness that makes me attracted to you Yes you’re beautiful but your eyes and smile are amazing”.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:55am
258: Tam says:

I just thanked him politely. He wrote back addressing me with my pet name and that it was his pleasure.
Here we go….now I feel curious whether he will let it rest there…the usual pattern is after he sends me something random and I respond, to step up the action.
Perhaps not this time.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:56am
259: CurvySiren10 says:

234- Tam, yes!!! I heard those words. Repeatedly. With conviction. From the man I am marrying… lol. Absolutely agree that dismissing someone based on words they utter in the moment is a potentially big mistake. Really limits you and doesn’t allow you to get to know people who may end being the perfect fit, wanting what you want at the end of the day. Great post.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:58am
260: Tam says:

255 Aw Curvy Siren, so that makes 4 men that I know of who have said they would never get married again and changed their mind.
You see, peeps?
If in doubt, let the actions unfold over time…before jumping to conclusions…

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:01am
261: Lori says:

I love the success stories! I’m going to hope it happens in my case. In the meantime, I’m busy and having fun doing what I want to do.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:05am
262: Tam says:

MrP’s message didn’t throw me.
I’d kick him to the curb if he tried to come back into my life now.
And I will bump into him in the next 6 weeks…for sure. Curly wants to take me to this place where I used to go on Sundays with MrP, and we might even see him there. If not then when our common friends move down here in Feb. I can’t wait to test my reaction….one thing that the Curly episode has taught me: once someone treats you like a queen and is proud to be with you and is trying to make you ‘his’, I could never go back to someone who was dilly-dallying. Not even for practice.
Far too much work.
I prefer being adored without working for it.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:09am
263: Tam says:

and failing that, actually, I prefer being alone and doing something nice for myself than trying to get blood out of stone.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:11am
264: Tam says:

Oh, I don’t need internet dating anymore. I am rocking this stuff..just got chatted up by a hot looking late 40′s guy in 7/11..we talked about which are the best sweets and after all that he asked if I wanted to join him for a few beers…well, I had to get ready for my date in an hour. Damn!! Haha.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:32am
265: Rori Raye says:

Elsie – Welcome to posting – and…you’re focusing on such tiny, small, irrelevant things here – that I wonder what your attention to these meaningless differences and things is covering up. My first guess would be – he still lives with his wife. AND, perhaps he isn’t lovingly emotional to you in general the way you want. My advice to you is to work on yourself – on what you consider your “emotionality” – which feels highly “dramatic” here in this letter and feels like it’s not serving you in any way. It’s not helping you see clearly, it’s not helping you talk with him about the important things – like how are you going to be together when these divorces are over? Love, Rori

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:44am
266: Indigo says:

Tam, wow!

I cannot believe the change in your vibe from the time I first started reading the blog.

You are rocking it, and sounding so confident!

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:46am
267: Tam says:

Thanks Indigo, it comes and goes a bit like with everyone but the bottom line is that I got happier with myself over the last few weeks and months and it’s finally all paying off.
That said, I sometimes lack the motivation to see how a relationship would work as I am so happy with myself, hence at the slightest hurdle like with Curly I am like ‘meh, I am happy alone actually, can’t be bothered dealing with stuff’.
Though, that’s not right either.
I am experimenting

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:50am
268: FlowerChild77 says:

I’m confused. I was online late last night (around 10:30pm CST) and all that was up when I clicked on “Rori’s Blog” was the previous thread. I even closed the window and went to the HTRYW site again to make sure, (as there were well over 1000 posts in the last thread, I figured there should be a new one soon.)

I came online about 45 minutes ago (it is now 12:50pm CST) and I see that the new thread has been up since YESTERDAY morning at 6:27am (which would be 8:27am here.)

This happens often. Does it happen to anyone else? Just really curious….

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:53am
269: Indigo says:

D skyped me again today. He asked how I was and what I’d been up to. We chatted a bit.

Dominique talks about how you can *feel* each other at a distance, and I definitely can. Most of the time, I can feel when he has just skyped me even if I am not at my computer, and I’m almost always right.

This feeling is not “friends” at all, and never will be. My friends and I, yes, we go through times where we chat quite a bit, but then days or weeks will pass when we don’t and we don’t even notice. D messages me every single day, or every second day at the absolute least. In two and a half years, he has not broken this once.

Strangely, I feel calm about all of this. I am ok with all of it. My own inner work and talking with all of you ladies has given me the belief that all is well, I am ok and things work out as they are meant to

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 11:08am
270: Maria says:

I feel excited and happy. Maybe the theory that you can’t do anything wrong with the right guy might be true. MM asked me what was for breakfast this morning. I hadn’t talked to him since Monday when he expressed how upset with me was. I leaned back even though I didn’t want to and I really thought that he wasnt going to speak to me again. I’m going to practice FM’s on him. I also want to CD but its cold on the east coast and I tend to become a homebody in the winter. Happy Saturday to you all!

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 11:50am
271: Tam says:

I feel so tired. The old boy is taking it out of me lol.

And I still don’t know what I m supposed to say to Chubby…ermm..thanks for taking me out but, you know, I have an ‘almost’ boyfriend…ermmm..

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 11:51am
272: janie baby says:

Maria me too i love being by myself at home unless i’m really into someone; its too cold to trek outside unless you’re special or want to come to me haha!

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 12:12pm
273: Dominique says:

Smile – 180 – You are so cute. And you might change your mind again, lol, or not.

xxoo

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 12:51pm
274: Dominique says:

sensual – @107 – You’ve only been seeing this man for six weeks. This is not yet a relationship. No script is needed yet.

If you’re interested in this man, then please try to relax and let things unfold as they will.

When you get to the point of exclusivity, then it you may want to say something, yet I prefer and often suggest to reinforce and appreciate what you do like about this man. Not only will the things that may not sit as well with you not tend to bother you as much (for you will be too busy enjoying all that he does say and do to and for you), you will tend to get more of what you want.

xxoo

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 1:02pm
275: Butterfly Wings says:

Hmmm Tam, I don’t know what I would’ve done if both S and J had stepped up, because I like BOTH of them!

Both have their positive and negative qualities too, although thankfully J made it easy on me and weeded himself out, although he remains in contact.

I’m feeling more and more attracted to S every day.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 1:31pm
276: FlowerChild77 says:

Happy for you, BW

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 1:40pm
277: Starbright says:

268 Flowerchild,

That has happened to me before although very rarely. Hmmmm

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 2:34pm
278: maxine says:

i wanted to post a *thankyou* to rori and all the inspiring women on this blog who’s generosity and openness of sharing their experiences have supported me through hell in the past 6 months…though i have not posted often i have checked in daily..
my partner of 17 years had put me through torture closing down, sneaking around, calling me a bad mother, bullying me, controlling me until i took an overdose in July 2012..staying with him after this being too overwhelmed to do anything else he went on to completely ignore me in our home infront of our kids stating previously he didn’t know how he felt about me anymore and he’d see how it went. He was taking control over our girls and making decisions about things without asking me. All this time I’m the breadwinner and he’s enjoying the benefits of my income. Come Sept. thanks to roris work, i grew strong and told him I wanted to consider us separated. After this his anger grew and tried to make my life so awful he hoped id just move out leaving him with everything esp. our kids. Well I found the strength to meet his strength and I waited him out whilst visibly moving on as a single person until he could take seeing me strong and happy no more and moved out alone.
I now have my girls, my home, my belongings amazing friends he used to try to prevent me from seeing, I’m circular dating and im just so strong and wise now thanks to Rori and you ladies on here.
All Roris tools come so naturally to me now..all I have to do now is stop him trying to hurt me any further which is what he is trying to do, financially and emotionally. He won’t back off, has let himself in my home while im not there ( he has a key as he takes the girls to school when I’m at work) besides for the girls, I’ve found my mail opened and thrownaway..list is endless..so with a lot of courage I’ve laid down the law to this bullying scary man this week..lets see now if it works..
Now for the punchline ladies…
This week I found out the truth…for months HE made me feel suspicious, excluded, jealous, paranoid, unreasonable…laying any blame and guilt he could on me for our failing relationship…..my instincts told me there was someone else…
This week I discovered THERE WAS someone else!!!
In all this ugly mess I’d like to impart some learnings..

TRUST your instincts
Rori is right..even when you think it’s not working or maybe even staging you..that’s just YOU resisting the truth!
Circular Dating works..believe me I had my doubts..but it sets you free from your old attachments!
Old muses really DO fall off your horse when you keep up circular Dating
You have more power than you think and if you feel controlled you ARE being controlled..shake free from it!

I wish everyone such happiness on here xx

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 3:10pm
279: Sha-sha says:

@tam….. I agree with U about getting married! I rather be loved and treated like a queen then have a Ring and piece of paper..

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 3:22pm
280: Sha-sha says:

Tonight is going to be so exciting…. he is taking me on a suprise date. All I know is I’m supposed to be dressed and ready by 8:30 tonight..omg so happy I’m feeling happinesss excitement and nervous like a little girl all at once.. can’t wait to seee how the night plays out! ***totally in Love***

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 3:26pm
281: Sha-sha says:

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 3:28pm
282: Butterfly Wings says:

276: FlowerChild77 – Thank you.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 3:45pm
283: FlowerChild77 says:

Not a big deal… but thanks, Starbright

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 3:57pm
284: Butterfly Wings says:

Things are moving VERY slow with S right now, and purely because it’s school holidays and he has his son at home.

I can feel this sense of urgency, which I am working to keep in check, because there is no hurry, and things will fall into place as they’re supposed to.

We’ve met up twice since NYE although we talk every day. The last time we saw each other was supposed to be a 10 minute catchup. But four hours later our respective children were texting us to find out where we were! Hehe!

He’s already asked if we can go on a “proper” date once his son is back at his mother’s and I’m counting down the days!

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 4:08pm
285: BeLoved says:

Bye Luzydel!
I’ve taken breaks sometimes, too, because I don’t feel interested in the blog….it always feels good to come back with fresh eyes.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 5:03pm
286: FlowerChild77 says:

Anticipation is really fore-play, BW. Think about it

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 5:37pm
287: Daria says:

I feel so angry at stereotypes , being stereotyped, seeing others being stereotyped. And judged.

I feel pist rrgg.

I feel pist thinking about people from outside of a culture/community working within that communicate and judging its members.

I must do this oh yes I do hmm.

Like being all nice to them outdoorsy but personally would never date them or take on the risk of being associated w them socially.

I feel so rageful!

I want to forgive mysef fit doing thus intr waysi dont see. Thank you Daria.

Yay it’s working my perspective is shifting

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 5:49pm
288: Daria says:

I feel heartbroken that these dynamics of stereotyping / judging keep people from connecting and feeling safe loved and happy

Awww

I feel so excited to be healing these patterns!

Yay people healing !

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 5:58pm
289: Daria says:

I made up w a CD and yesterday I kicked it w him and w Get right… I introduced them!

So was with two men who liked me.

Get right was talking about how I’m go a be his wife…

The other guy was drawing a pic of me

I used my masculine energy to organize the event lol

I’m feeling myself do much now that I can use both energies at will !

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:00pm
290: Daria says:

Then I left them all together and got picked up by Nanny CD to go dancing

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:08pm
291: Scarlet says:

I’m feeling terrible right now. Totally heartbroken.
After three weeks of full on relationship, he has disappeared. Three days ago he said he needed some space (which could be interpreted as he’s fallen off the wagon of substance abuse), but was telling me he loved me. Now – nothing. He won’t even answer my calls. I feel embarrassed that I fell for it again. I feel more embarrassed that all I want is for him to come back and I would take him back. I just feel devastated that we were so close and now he doesn’t want me.
It has brought up all my feelings of being unwanted ever since I was in my mother’s womb. That’s how it all started and it’s finished the same way.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:38pm
292: Annie says:

279: Sha-sha says:

“@tam….. I agree with U about getting married! I rather be loved and treated like a queen then have a Ring and piece of paper..”

Each to their own.
I don’t want a to settle for either or. I want it all, to be loved treated like a queen and the commitment of ring and a piece of paper.
And I feel confident that the right man for me will want what I want and want to give it me all

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:43pm
293: Daria says:

Scarlet – i feel moved a d numb reading of your situation.

It would feel good to help so ill sgare what id do.

since this has brought up feelings of being unwanted … I would take the opportunity to use Roris tools here. Rejoice ! At noticing the feelings…. This is why I practice this dating , for these feelings and patterns to come up and be healed.

Then say and write lots of love to myself and those feelings.

Choose to believe that just by doing this the pattern is healing…. And what will come next from life will be that much more powerful n great because of it

Big hugs! It seems awful, yet it’s really an exciting moment of choosing healing and love

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:46pm
294: Annie says:

Scarlett. 291. Hugs.
“It has brought up all my feelings of being unwanted ever since I was in my mother’s womb. That’s how it all started and it’s finished the same way.”

Did you read BeLoved post earlier?
Feel sure this would help you.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:48pm
295: Daria says:

Yay I have a new CD tomorrow at 3 !

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:49pm
296: Daria says:

His tag line is : Find out how much of a gentleman I am !

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:53pm
297: Annie says:

187: BeLovedNo Gravatar says:

Reflections during my morning sadhana:
Memories coming up and drifting through
without blame I could see more clearly
loving my inner drama queen
loving the messages she has for me
thank you
I remembered once, my ex (I worked in his bar) came up to me near the end of a long shift and pestered me for a ride to pick up his car from a mechanic, in another city. It was nearly 2am, and I had another job to be at in 6 hours.
I remember how I couldn’t say no
the fear, the guilt, the anger
the anger that he would wait until the last minute to ask me
the anger that his other girlfriend (poly relationship) said no and
“left” the “dirty work” to me
the fear of what might happen if I flat out told him no
feeling worn out by the way he managed to overcome every objection
so I relented and the rage just kept building and building and building
and by the time I dropped him off I pretty much pushed him out of the car, screaming like a banshee

Now I see, how my inability to say “NO” caused me massive amounts of pain.

My inner drama queen and pain tell me when I am out of integrity with my values. She tells me when I have divorced from an aspect of myself – like with the vendor, I disconnected from the feelings of unworthiness and went into manipulator mode, causing a rift in communication and an internal rift, which HURT LIKE H3LL.

I feel so much better now that I choose to trust life, and choose to trust that the perfect partner is already selected, I don’t have to DO or WORRY or THINK or FIGURE OUT.
Last night, as I settled into sleep, I felt a warm, mothering presence holding me. I felt so safe, so secure and thought
Oh
I’ve been chasing after a man all this time and
what I’ve been wanting is
a mother’s love.
I’m crying soft tears of joy and gratitude
thank you
thank you
thank you.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:55pm
298: Annie says:

Scarlet, Hugs.
I feel sure BeLoved posts above will help you process this.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:56pm
299: Daria says:

This CD was a little forward on the more casual site were both on. Guess not all guys who come on sexually are hopelessly off page sexually.

I will stop sidelining them for forward sexual remarks.

They may be gentlemen

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:58pm
300: Scarlet says:

Thanks Daria. I appreciate your advice.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 6:58pm
301: Annie says:

Daria says.

“Big hugs! It seems awful, yet it’s really an exciting moment of choosing healing and love.”
Daria Yes yes yes. I love that.

Two choices chose to sink into that pain and find love and healing.

Or distract. numb it out and turn to some addiction, tv, sex, cigarettes, gambling, drugs, mancrack, more pain.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:01pm
302: Scarlet says:

Yeah Annie that post sure is relevant to me now.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:01pm
303: Annie says:

BeLoved.

The way I see it is I have my mind, heart and soul which are all connected.
Logic helps me and is not to be ignored, my feelings from my heart help me and also are not to be ignored, like Rori says follow them.
However any best decisions come from my higher self my soul, not my heart or my logical brain they are their to guide me and my higher self. The one as you refer to it as your ‘mother’ Now I see, how my inability to say “NO” caused me massive amounts of pain.

Others would see this as God or the universe or something similar. So, mother, mother earth as in universe, God none of that matters what we call it.
Bit basically a knowing what is best and being to connected to a higher power and our higher selves.
Rather than making decisions from our emotions or our primitive lower reptilian lizard part of our brains.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:12pm
304: BeLoved says:

((((((((Scarlet))))))))

I don’t think there is anything more painful than the feeling of being unwanted by our mothers, especially in the womb.
Did you know that 100% of death row inmates were unwanted children?
These are intense feelings…
sink into them as best you can – this is the advice that Rori gave me when I first came here in July and it has served me so well.
The day I first came here, and sank deeeeep into those feelings that made me want to rip myself out of my skin,
something happened.
Over the course of a few days, traumatic memories resurfaced and started shifting.
A memory of an ex, berating me, suddenly shifted to where he was crying and saying he is sorry and of course he respects my decision not to sleep with him.
Another memory of another ex, beating me, shifting and he was also suddenly crying, sorry, holding and loving me.
This released a lot of energy, and I felt manic for a couple of hours,
sank into THOSE feelings
and fell into sort of a stupor
as I lay there, feeling so sick,
I noticed I could hear voices singing,
“Welcome, you are so WELCOME, we can’t wait to MEET you, Beloved, we love you so much! Welcome, you are so welcome!”

So let me softly sing to you…
Scarlet
You are so wanted
You are so loved
Welcome!
Welcome!
We love you…welcome welcome
You are such a blessing!
I feel so blessed you are here!
Thank you for coming!
You are so wanted, so loved, so cherished, so precious
soft sweet gentle loving tender butterfly kisses and treasured newborn baby hugs to you, Miss Scarlet

Be kind to you
Take good care of you
You are one of a kind, never been another like you and never will be again and you are a blessing to this world
(((((Scarlett))))

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 7:30pm
305: Femininewoman says:

(((((((((((((Scarlet)))))))))))))

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:35pm
306: Femininewoman says:

Wow Maxine. You sound so strong.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 8:40pm
307: Radlove says:

Smile,

Thanks for thinking of me and my dogs! For me, the family resemblance is astounding! I have two German Shepherds, and they have long, black noses and pointy ears, just like me! (y)

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:06pm
308: Daria says:

Wow Get Right just called and wants to see me ( and pick me up w his friend since he doesn’t drive)

Hehe fun! I just saw him last nite and left hehe he seems like he’s getting more and more into me

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:09pm
309: Daria says:

Radlove / you are so funny !!

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:10pm
310: Radlove says:

Annie,

188 – It is valid to determine whether or not you want dogs in your life. My experience with them has been that the joy outweighs the hardships of it. Many times I’ve had to leave a party early or what have you because my dogs needed to be let out. But for me, it is worth it all: inconvenience, expense, and dirt. They bring a lot of joy into my life. I love them more than most people. That is kinda sad to say, but that is my deep truth. That’s because their love is unfailing and unconditional, like God’s, and I have felt let down by people more often than not. I have a hard time receiving the love of people, because my heart defaults to a safe distance, knowing it will most likely be hurt. Once in a great while, I let someone all the way in, and then they kick me to the curb. So my distance grows a little more far away.

The love of dogs is pure, and I trust my dogs when they lick my hand then lay their head on it. They adore me. They live to spend time with me. They follow me from room to room. Often I look up from whatever I’m doing to find them just gazing at me.

And it’s not just one sided. I gaze at them, too. I kiss them and hug them every day, telling them how much I love them. And I mean it — I’ve proven my love to them many times over. I have lived in woods and in my car in order to keep them and not have to give them up. I have made a lot of sacrifices for them. If it weren’t for my dogs, I would have given up many times over, and not tried to find a home. I would have given in to depression that has engulfed me most of my life and just taken the path of least resistance to a mental hospital.

But every time life seemed like too much, I have thought about the quality of life of my dogs. If I gave up, they would be put in the hands of someone who would never love them as much as I do. They would probably end up dead, because that’s what so-called shelters do, is murder animals in the name of “humane”…enough on that.

I think I have become so discriminating with men because I consider myself to be a fortunate girl…not only have I known Divine Love, but I have known the close up and personal love of a dog. I am still waiting to find a man whose love is that pure and that loyal and that unfailing.

The longer I go on in life, the more I become convinced that that level of pure love is not to be found on earth…outside of a dog.

They are not my dogs, not mere property. They are my friends, and I love them with my life.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 9:26pm
311: Memulo says:

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Am I going to never sleep with another man? Or wait like years? I can’t make myself do it. After a great dinner and a great movie and lots if attention and affection I CAN’T do it

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:03pm
312: Memulo says:

Scarlet breathe! and CD even if you dint want to. Leave it with him for now, do things for yourself

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:06pm
313: Lisa says:

I can understand how she feels, I
just recently, separated and I see,
my marriage isnt gettin, any better.
we are better off as friends anyways,
I hope you all find love, and stay happy.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:08pm
314: Lisa says:

I am new to this Rori, blog it is interesting, to read others, and comment to them.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:10pm
315: Butterfly Wings says:

286: FlowerChild77 – Yup I think you could be right! Poor S, when I get my hands on him!

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 10:59pm
316: Indigo says:

Maxine,

I feel SOOO thrilled to see an update from you. I must say, I remember your story and was wondering how you were doing.

All I can say is Wow! You sound amazing and strong.

Yay you!

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 11:04pm
317: Lori says:

I’m missing him so much tonight. Ugh.

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 11:04pm
318: Indigo says:

((((Scarlet))))

I kind of identify with how you are feeling and all I can say is, Daria is right. This is actually a time for celebration.

An amazing time to begin healing and deeply loving yourself, and looking ahead to the future.

Have faith that you are loveable and all will be ok xx

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 11:07pm
319: Butterfly Wings says:

Inspiring story Maxine! xx

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 11:11pm
320: Butterfly Wings says:

S is so cute when he’s being flirty because I’m not sure it’s something he’s done a lot of over the years. Loving it and basking in happiness right now… and can’t wait to see him next ! Rawr!

Saturday, 12 January 2013 @ 11:16pm
321: Smile says:

259- curvysiren and tam

Yes I know in my heart I’m not ready to stop seeing him just because he says now he doesn’t want to. He’s a big believer in marriage and feels bad because he broke the vow of for better or worse. I spoke to my closest girl friends about him yesterday and told them I was struggling about deciding what I want for my future in general not just with him. They too said like I am changing my mind, he may too in maybe 5 years he might see it differently but then again he might not, and he might not even be with me then soooo I’m just going to stay in the moment now. I felt a bit relieved that my friends supported the fact that I might not want to. They are all married or divorced and offered me great insight.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 2:07am
322: Smile says:

Radlove, that is so funny. Seeeee owners choose dogs they look like. quite a sweeping statement for my limited research lol but I loved your description

I loved reading about your relationship you have with your dogs. Thank you.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 2:10am
323: Smile says:

Maxine I can feel your strength! Keep riding girl!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 2:11am
324: Smile says:

When I first came here I found out it was healing to cry, so I cried freely when I needed to. Sometimes I was just numb so I let myself feel numb. Then after not hearing from him still, I slowly began to get a little bit of energy to pick me up and move me forward. Move me off the bed and into my clothes. Energy to leave the house. Energy to meet friends. Energy creates energy and so it just kept growing. I didn’t look for closure. I just kept riding and let my energy carry me forward.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 2:16am
325: Smile says:

((scarlet))

((lori))

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 2:17am
326: Smile says:

Tam I feel the same about dating others when you have seen a guy quite a lot. Not being exclusive means of course your free to do this. I’m the ops to you though. I’m clear with the new guy I’m dating others but amb cd doesn’t know because when we met I wasn’t. Also I feel guilty because amb cd is away at the minute. If he was here I probably would just talk to guys and not meet them…?

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 2:39am
327: Smile says:

Maybe the universe sent him away for a month to test this. He has been in contact with me whilst he is away in a remote place. And last night my face lit up so much when he made contact! I was grinning from ear to ear. I bask in his energy!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 2:41am
328: k2012 says:

“Circular Dating works..believe me I had my doubts..but it sets you free from your old attachments.”. Maxine that is so true. Totally agree with that. Thanks for that advice. From reading what u wrote, u obviously went through hell with your partner. Glad u have emerged stronger and have benefitted from the support on here. My ex disappeared on me from last July and I am talking to a guy overseas who I went to school with but didn’t know at the time. He is the first candidate, I could say as I am looking forward to meeting more guys but this time in my country. I feel happy at this time that someone else has emerged after this man (disappearing ex) has hurt me so badly. So there is someone else to focus on now and by the Grace of God, I am going to meet at least THREE more men and watch and see who will step up.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 3:06am
329: Radlove says:

Daria,

307 – Thanks!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 3:30am
330: Radlove says:

Smile,

318 – Thanks! I have seen what you are talking about with people looking like their dogs. For example, an older man with droopy jowls looking like his bulldog with droopy jowls. Or a petite woman who is real energetic with a chihuahua.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 3:32am
331: Smile says:

Oo I could be a chihuahua!! My friend has red curly hair and so does her dog lol, it’s so cute

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 3:35am
332: Smile says:

I feel uncomfortable meeting a guy in the same small town as amb cd.

I feel brave and will be honest when we meet to let him know I am dating others if he asks how match is going for me.

He is also not a guy who I would normally go for, I’ll call him doc cd.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 3:38am
333: k2012 says:

Ladies,Suppose I am circular dating with 3 cds and none of them step up? Suppose also that all of them step up assuming that u have about 3. What do I do then in a case when all 3 want a serious relationship?

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 4:26am
334: Memulo says:

K2012, relax, it’s ok to have your preference;) Pick whoever you like the best, you don’t have to ask anyone

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 4:28am
335: k2012 says:

I am not dating 3 cds. Its just one so far online and we are getting to know each other. I just ask the question because I am looking ahead and I want to get an idea of what to do in the event that something like this happens.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 4:33am
336: k2012 says:

Hey Memulo, just saw your response to my previous post. Thanks for answering. By the time I typed the last post explaining why I was asking, I heard an email come in and while I didn’t check, I knew it was someone who posted. Thanks for answering. By the way, I cracked up big time at your post about the man and his dogs. Oh my goodness. It was hilarious. Lol. So u ran to the hills right? Lori, u are enjoying urself in circular dating. Great. Glad to know u are enjoying yourself.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 4:46am
337: Memulo says:

K2012, of course they will all be crazy about you and your job wil be to pick! Take your time though and receive their attention.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 4:49am
338: Memulo says:

K2012, it’s nice to talk to you;) Great you are CD’ing and my opinion is that the best is to go to as many dates as you physically can. Even if you are indifferent about the guys or think there’s little hope. It’s just a date and it’s a new experience. But you prob know all this without me.
Yes the dog guy.. I have another story from a few years back about a bird guy.. the one who had a big female parrot. He let he fly freely around the apartment and she didn’t like me- we had dinner at his house, 3 of us as she got served first and he also said- she is upset about you, she may want to bite you, that would mean she is really depressed. So I suddenly remembered that I had an urgent business elsewhere and went to take care of it.

My gfriend says I should write a book.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 5:09am
339: Femininewoman says:

K2012 Just remember that you cannot get to know someone unless they are in your life. Face to face and dating. Please don’t get sucked into the illusion of thinking that you can have a connection or relationship with someone you have not seen. It happens easily with online dating. Think of such a person as a penpal as all you have been you is words. Without physical presence there really is nothing.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 5:11am
340: Memulo says:

Please please can it just not work out between him and that girl? Please can something just go wrong!!!!!!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 5:27am
341: Vi says:

I caught a moment when I start putting responsibility on myself for a man’s feelings toward me. It feels so exciting to notice! It helped to get aware of my expectations that a man will be ‘responsible’ and take care of what I feel for him too. My shoulders feel lighter and face muscles feel more relaxed.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 5:33am
342: Tam says:

I had a great time with chubby Austrian and feel guilty..not because I had the date since Curly went out to dinner too and who knows with whom?
It’s just that Chubby is such a good boy, and Curly is not in many ways…and it made me re-think him.
He has done nothing wrong, but I like a good boy with no illustrous past and a plethora of women friends or ex-dates.
Maybe I also feel close to him because he comes from the same European mentality background….financially stable and conservative, very clever and University educated….and so on.
Hrmpf.
Well, I am not attracted to him either…haha.
I only briefly thought of MrP this morning and sighed – nothing else..

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 5:47am
343: Femininewoman says:

It possibly could Memulo. Yet this pining desperate energy that you are swirling around in will block him from reconnecting with you should that happen. It certainly won’t inspire him when he feels you still clinging on threads of him in your mind.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 6:49am
344: k2012 says:

Feminine woman and Memulo, thanks for your response. I am being very cautious FW and I agree with what u said. Cause we went to school and was in the same year group but didn’t actually meet physically yet. I met him through our school alumni on facebook and found out he was in my yeargroup just like dissappearing ex who he knows as all 3 of us were in the same year group. He doesn’t know that the ex who I speak about is disappearing ex though and I won’t tell him. I was thinking about it this morning and of course because I intend to meet other guys, I am leaving everything up to him, that is Overseas CD. I will wait for him to decide what he is doing WHILE I CIRCULAR DATE. In other words, he will have to decide if he is coming to our country to meet me. He is supposed to visit another part of our country(he is my nationality) in March. Its just the weekend he will be coming for. I will see if h makes any changes in order to meet me. He asked when I am coming back to _______ where my sister lives. I told him I am not sure when as I don’t think I am travelling this year as I need to save more. He said when I go to my sister in the state that she lives,he will drive from his state to look for me as he likes driving. In the meantime, I hope next weekend. I can get to go out with my friend to see if I can physically meet other guys and enjoy myself and see if anyone of them will step up eventually. So with overseas cd being the first candidate I will have a ball searching for other guys and chatting with him until the right guy steps forward. Memulo, I am cracking up at the parrot joke. That one is hilarious too. Is it a cd u are talking about in your previous post when u said u hope it doesn’t work out with the other girl or is it your disappearing ex? Have something to say about my disappearing ex but when I break again as I am working from home.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 6:52am
345: Femininewoman says:

“You cannot help a relationship recover by being sad and miserable.You can only help a relationship record by recovering your own high spirits and sense of fun, your own devotion to YOU and to having a good life, good times, and good feelings. This is not only the best way to attract a man who can make you happy ot os the best way to heal everyone and everything around you. You feel good about you, you share that fun and good feeling with everyone just because it radiates out of you, and everyone feels better and feels compelled to be around you”.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 6:57am
346: Femininewoman says:

K2012 I wouldn’t be speaking about an ex.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:00am
347: Femininewoman says:

================================
3 CORRECT WAYS TO PLAY HARD-TO-GET
=======================

Tip #1 – Be Hard To Win, But Easy To Approach.

When you play hard-to-get, you’re basically telling the men you meet: “You can’t win my heart just yet. You’ll have to show me you’re willing to work for it.”

But that doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with hem. Be easy to approach, be ready to smile and talk. Be the kind of woman men like spending time with!

Tip #2 – Play Nice!

Playing hard-to-get doesn’t mean you must be rude. You’re not supposed to be some “mean girl” to him. Far from it!

Think of it this way: The WRONG way to play hard-to-get is to send him the message: “Get away from me!”

The RIGHT way is to send him the message: “Catch me if you can!”

Are you sending him the right message?

And finally:

Tip #3 – Set Your Standards!

As I’ve said earlier: Playing hard-to-get is NOT random. You have to set rules, limitations, and standards. For instance, you can set such standards
as: “He shouldn’t smoke.” “He should have a stable job.” “He should NOT be a player.” And so on.

When you DON’T have standards, you risk letting the jerks into the bedroom. So set your standards and make sure only the REAL MEN come into your life!

by Alexandra Fox

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:14am
348: CurvySiren10 says:

339- FW, couldn’t have said it better myself….very valid post to Memulo.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:24am
349: Mercedes says:

Memulo: “Please please can it just not work out between him and that girl? Please can something just go wrong!!!!!!”

I would love to see you spending your energy, thoughts and requests on what you want for YOU and not what bad things you want for THEM. After all, things could be falling apart for them right now and she’s on this blog wanting our input on how she can bring him closer. We’d be telling her to lean back, circular date and when he contacts her, most would say to use feeling messages. In other words, we would ask her to take her energy and focus off of him and put it on herself.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:40am
350: Mercedes says:

I like this: “When you DON’T have standards, you risk letting the jerks into the bedroom. So set your standards and make sure only the REAL MEN come into your life!”

I completely agree…know what you don’t want and stand firm in not allowing it into your life (bedroom).

Much Love,
Mercedes

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:42am
351: BeLoved says:

I feel relaxed, at ease, I feel like I’ve reached another level in my being!
A few days ago C and I were talking about my name change and how my family took it, and how I hadn’t told my father yet, because I believed he would sneer at me and it would hurt.
Which got me to thinking about needing my father’s approval.
Yesterday I had lunch with my family and sat across from my father and suddenly told him,
Hey, I need to tell you, I changed my name! (I didn’t mention that it was 3 years ago, hahaha)
He perked up, looked curious, and asked how I spell it, pronounced it a few times, sat back, smiled at me and said,
“That’s going to take some time for me to digest.
You know, I always believed a name is something you should enjoy. It’s your name, you have to live with it, you should enjoy it and like it and not have to cart around some name that someone gave you when you were a baby if you don’t like it. I never liked the “ie” at the end of my name, I’ve always wanted to change the spelling.”

Really, you could have knocked me over with a feather.
I felt a soft wave of relief pulse through me, and I could feel it ripple all through the family all the way down to the end of the table.

THIS IS NOT THE SAME MAN who used to curse and scream at me and call me filthy names, and I am not the same little girl who used to cower and cry and punish myself for not knowing wth I did wrong.

I didn’t even have to use an FM, because it just popped out spontaneously. I didn’t feel scared or anything.

Even though it was a massive miracle, it felt easy and natural.

I talked to my baby sister about visiting with her and got that our thought processes and vibes are just so vastly different that we aren’t going to just flow together the way she and my other sister do, who live in the same neighborhood, and she isn’t willing/able to put forth the effort to set aside specific time and make an invitation (we live in different cities). I felt more relief, to just get the festering “unwanted by my family” vibe out in the open and see it for what it is, we’ve just grown apart. As the oldest, they don’t see how I’ve felt responsible for them and felt loyal and tied to them, they just think differently.

I spent some time with my nieces and grandniece, in a clear, sparkling field of peace and contentment, I felt …how to describe? Like I was at one with my environment, flowing and no resistance.

I’m such a sucker for a challenge, I’ve heard so many spiritual people say, “Oh, you think you are SO enlightened until it’s holiday time with the family!” and I feel like a rock star, like I’ve made peace, real peace with my family.

I feel so light, so airy, and yet so grounded.

I talked to my dear friend in another state who keeps bees and does myco-restoration and teaches about eco-sexuality and is building community and I felt a deep longing for the pacific northwest and that kind of community again. I feel a desire to be close to her and be a part of her sacred sexuality work.

Now I feel tired of being on the computer and am off for some yogaaaaa!!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 8:06am
352: Lori says:

argghhhh, he hasn’t picked up the package yet. He probably won’t until tomorrow.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 8:08am
353: Mercedes says:

BeLoved: “I feel relaxed, at ease, I feel like I’ve reached another level in my being!” YAY and YAY for not just those words but your entire comment! That was AWESOME!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 8:10am
354: LiliBee says:

Hi Sirens!

I haven’t posted much on here for a while, but I do come in and lurk often.

This text made feel quite inspired for FMs. I want to share it hoping it helps you feel the same way:

http://www.entheos.com/ideas/alan-seale/1875/speaking_the_difficult_truth?c=3673

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 8:55am
355: Femininewoman says:

Hey LiliBee thanks

Happy New Year

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 9:08am
356: Heart says:

Hi Blog –

I FEEL strange to be posting again..
I feel a little..shy…hehe.
I’m holding back from the blog because I find myself ruminating too much when I post here… I fixate too much & become too dependent.

Anyway – CudG returned from his trip & asked me out and I had a good time. I like kissing him….and I feel good when I’m around him…

Still…Something is different between us. I can’t put my finger on it….but the vibe is different than when we first started hanging out..before the gap.

Oh well we’ve only now started seeing each other again. I’m keeping my expectations low and my heart open.
I currently have a flu so we’re going to see each other again after I get better. He ended the date saying he wanted to see me again and he followed up the next day saying he had a fun etc etc.
At least he’s acting normal now.

All in All….I’m a little tired of talking about him…I’m interested & want to see him but…I gave him Way to much energy….I have brought the focus back to me.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 9:37am
357: ALA says:

Day six – no contact…

I feel a little stronger today. Feels easier when the sun is shinning. We dont see the sun here very often this time of year, and it is out today! Makes a huge difference for me.

Happy New Year, Sirens!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 10:01am
358: ALA says:

I’m going to run some errands in my warm and toasty Jeep(it’s freezing here!). Then going to see “Life of Pi” later. I hope it doesn’t make me cry. My sister said it made her cry, but really, really good!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 10:06am
359: Memulo says:

Thank you FW. I decided that I want to change my attitude. I want to be happy and I am smart enough and resourceful enough to figure out the way. I will expect to win.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 10:32am
360: Scarlet says:

I know you ladies say that when a man pulls away to CD to feel better. I am assuming that when you’ve been in an exclusive relationship the only way to meet new men would be online. I honestly don’t know how I would do that when I’m feeling so much pain.

I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day, let alone putting a profile up somewhere.

Any other suggestions to getting through this pain?

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 12:08pm
361: Lori says:

Hi Scarlett, first, I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling. We’ve all been there. It was difficult for me to put up profiles but I made myself do it. I created them, made them invisible, then visible again. lol

I have been receiving emails and it really does help. Not sure I want to or am ready to meet anyone but I’m not ruling it out.

You have to just do it. Make yourself get out of bed, take a shower, make yourself up. Do this for yourself.

It takes time to work this through but not taking a step won’t help you go anywhere.

(hugs)

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 12:13pm
362: Smile says:

Scarlet

322 is my reflections of when I came to the blog nearly a year ago. I was living with strummingman in an exclusive committed relationship for 2 years when he withdrew. He elastic banded and only finally disappeared last month. It’s only the last 2 months I have been ready to go on actual dates and make a profile. Now I feel amazing!!!! Please read 322. Circular dating also does not mean you have to actually go on dates! You can start by circular dating yourself!!!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 12:31pm
363: Smile says:

Amb cd sent me another message from his hols. Aw I love that he is thinking of me whilst he is away. I feel so smiley!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 12:34pm
364: Smile says:

I’m 29 and I am planning my finances so that I can have an amazing travelling life now but also so that I have a good enough pension to retire early.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 12:35pm
365: Starbright says:

Rori has different tools such as the fall on your knees. In that tool you are on your knees and feel your feelings fully whatever they are in the moment.

They will move through you if you fully feel them. I’ve noticed that at times they come back in ebb and flow waves but it gives some relief to feel them fully and they lessen their hold.

I’m sure others can give other tool ideas – the fall on your knees is the one that comes to me most when feeling deeply painful feelings.

(((((Scarlet)))))

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 12:36pm
366: ALA says:

Scarlet – I’m really new at this, here’s what I’m doing:

Be good to yourself, do things you enjoy, try to catch your thoughts when you start to go to that dark place and switch it around to something positive
Believe in yourself!
Slather on the love, keep slathering lol

There’s much more, I’ll let the others chime in…

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 12:37pm
367: Smile says:

This is my all time favourite rori tool

1. Pave Over Your Flypaper

Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches. Make it soft.

Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to leave a fresh place for another man – or 100 men! – to leave more footprints…

And… perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.

2. Leave it up to him

Let him choose: Stay or go.

I know this feels totally impossible when we’re clinging to a thread of a relationship. When we want things to work out, when we want things to go the way we want them to go. When we’ve waited so long for love, and finally a man has shown up who told us he loved us. Perhaps he even promised us love.

Yet, if you can remember this, you’ll feel SO much better and be SO much more attractive to ANY man:

The difference between what a man says and what he does are the difference between a lifelong love partnership, and a fling.

It doesn’t matter if the fling lasts days, weeks, months or even years (and, yes – many men are totally capable of allowing friendly “flings” to endure for years…) if it isn’t a lifelong love partnership, with all the commitment bells and whistles you desire in order to relax and feel happy, then it’s still a “fling.”

If you’re not watching what he does, you can accidentally use my Rori Raye Tools to keep a fling going for such a long time that you may get lulled into thinking it’s going to be forever. (Yes – the Tools are THAT powerful.)

Instead, use my Tools to bring so MANY men close to you that you NEVER feel at any one man’s mercy.

Just because you love him and are invested in him doesn’t mean he has a claim on you UNTIL he actually claims you.

So let HIM make the decisions about where the relationship is going. And YOU make the decisions about whether what he wants is what YOU want.

This is where YOU get to stay or go, too. This is THE most powerful place you can come from inside yourself – the most powerful message you can deliver to a man: That you will not be trying to convince him to be with you forever.

That, instead, you’ll trust him to make his own decisions based on how he feels and what he wants. And then you’ll see if that’s enough for you. This mental attitude can make you feel incredibly powerful and peaceful – both at the same time. Now…

3. Put imaginary plants around your mental and emotional self

Plants that will give you shade for your thoughts and feelings. Plants that will nurture and feed you… And most of all – plants that will invite a man to sit in the shade with you and share your bounty.

4. Don’t ask him to “stick”

Don’t be afraid of him going. The most attractive woman in the world is one who’s not holding on, acting like glue. The prize here is YOU – not him!

Remember – if you’re flypaper, you’re stuck to a man, too! That means you’re stuck with the ones who aren’t filling up your needs and your heart!

And, in case you want to hang onto your flypaper and put it in a drawer and take it out for “special occasions” and “special men” – ask yourself this:

Why Would You Ever Even Need Flypaper?

When a “good” man finds you – a man who’s determined to make it his life’s mission to make you ecstatically happy – you don’t NEED flypaper! He stays and sticks because he WANTS to. Because he wants YOU.

Try this in your imagination, and see how it works magically in the real world, with a real man – no matter HOW you’re feeling right now: Change your flypaper to lovely, sweet, feeling-filled you – the way you know you are deep inside yourself when you’re happy and don’t want or need anything – and change your life.

Do it one minute at a time. One tiny second, in fact, at a time. Practice it everywhere, and see how much calmer, sexier, simpler, and more relaxed you feel.

To get even more Tools like this one, and watch me guiding you through them to be a real, true INVITATION to a man – so he ALWAYS wants to “stick” to you like glue without you doing anything to make it happen – check out my Modern Siren program right here:

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 12:43pm
368: Starbright says:

Scarlett – Other ideas of what to do when in pain…

Anything that you like to do -

Read parts of Rori’s blog that pertain to your situation
Take a hot bath or shower
Meditate
Read Eckart Tolle’s: “The Power of Now”
Clean a part of your home
Play with a pet or go somewhere where you can if you don’t have one
Call a friend
Listen to music that makes you feel amazing
Journal your feelings
Write everything you feel thankful for to remind you that there are other good things and they can be really small things
Look for anything that is pretty and adore it
Hug yourself!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 12:47pm
369: Starbright says:

Scarlett – Other ideas of what to do when in pain…

Anything that you like to do -

Read parts of Rori’s blog that pertain to your situation

Take a hot bath or shower
Meditate

Read Eckart Tolle’s: “The Power of Now”

Clean a part of your home

Play with a pet or go somewhere where you can if you don’t have one

Call a friend

Listen to music that makes you feel amazing

Journal your feelings

Write everything you feel thankful for to remind you that there are other good things and they can be really small things

Look for anything that is pretty and adore it

Hug yourself!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 12:51pm
370: Iamabutterfly says:

well, I feel embarrassed/angry/sad.

Saw Jack CD for the first time in weeks.

Didn’t feel anything. I felt so calm and at ease it was kind of weird

Leaned back. Ended up standing right next to him in a group somehow. The kid wouldn’t even look at me.

I walked away.

also, SMC was staring at me again, sitting right next to his gf.

I don’t know if this was the best route, but I sent him a fb message with the feeling message that Dominique recommended.

I can’t handle talking to him in person…

I’m loving my horse right now.

I’m galloping away into the sunset, and only worthy men can get on their horses and race with me…

I intend to win.

With or without you.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 1:02pm
371: Smile says:

I feel all smiley when amb cd texes me!! So I told him! And he just texes me more!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 1:05pm
372: maxine says:

Thankyou ladies who remembered me and sent your good wishes..i feel hugged from around the world…
Talking of Circular Dating I had a date other night with a man who was coming across very ‘ready’ for a relationship..very full on..trying to make plans with me a MONTH down the line..this might sound like heaven but I’m not in that place yet and in my time spent dating, this is the first time I’ve come across a man be like this…I kinda panicked..on the date I did all the right things like leaning back..was super cool and it was just drawing him in even more!!! then when he talked about making future plans with me I told him “I’m dating right now..how about you?” He looked shocked and said “I never thought a woman would tell me that!!!” and he asked what did I mean by ‘dating’ so I told him the truth: I’m dating 2 people at the moment..seeing what happens”
It was an eye opener as after this the conversation became about ME and my dating and he gave me vibes of being controlling and trying to convince me..I was like woah!! So all Roris tools for this stuff were great cause in telling the truth..I got the truth back..in a way..because his true nature came out which made me run a mile..I didn’t see him again haha

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 1:50pm
373: maxine says:

Thankyou ladies who remembered me and sent your good wishes..i feel hugged from around the world…
Talking of Circular Dating I had a date other night with a man who was coming across very ‘ready’ for a relationship..very full on..trying to make plans with me a MONTH down the line..this might sound like heaven but I’m not in that place yet and in my time spent dating, this is the first time I’ve come across a man be like this…I kinda panicked..on the date I did all the right things like leaning back..was super cool and it was just drawing him in even more!!! then when he talked about making future plans with me I told him “I’m dating right now..how about you?” He looked shocked and said “I never thought a woman would tell me that!!!” and he asked what did I mean by ‘dating’ so I told him the truth: I’m dating 2 people at the moment..seeing what happens”
It was an eye opener as after this the conversation became about ME and my dating and he gave me vibes of being controlling and trying to convince me..I was like woah!! So all Roris tools for this stuff were great cause in telling the truth..I got the truth back..in a way..because his true nature came out which made me run a mile..I didn’t see him again haha7

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 1:53pm
374: Daria says:

My CD is coming at 3… More sushi!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 1:59pm
375: k2012 says:

Ladies, I am working and talking to overseas cd. Is it okay if I ask him if he is dating/seeing someone? I just want to be sure. U see these are early days and as I keep saying he is the first candidate as there will definitely be others. But is it okay if I ask him although he told me he is divorced and “by himself for three years.” Don’t think I am anxious. I will leave everything to him. No chasing on my part, no phonecalls etc as I am going to have OPTIONS ladies (snapping my fingers, lol.). Waiting to hear from u. Dominique, Mercedes, and other ladies, waiting to hear from u all.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 2:52pm
376: Indigo says:

Scarlet 358

How I got through the worst of the pain was just to completely let go of what other people said I “should” be doing, and to ask myself in every single moment what the most loving thing I could do for myself was.

My soul came up with beautiful, simple suggestions: take a slow walk in nature, have a long bubble bath, put on a DVD that I love, take a soothing nap, put on some favourite songs, take a drive out to the farm to visit the horses and spend a few hours in their relaxing energy. Have a little cry and then praise myself for feeling my emotions and then move forward. These are things which felt good to me, but it could be anything for you.

I believe it’s lots of little healing, feel-good moments that lead you to the light. And then, when you feel strong enough, you can start accepting invitations to go out with guys.

I know it feels dark now, but I bet you will feel the sun shining on your face before you even thought you would

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 2:52pm
377: Smile says:

Wow, I thought I had scared dog cd off! Sharing my wants… It was an experiment to speak my truth. He still wants to meet. He had just been away for a day.

I felt a bit relieved actually, I’m feeling more uncomfortable with Circular dating as amb cd steps up a little more.

Eek at least dog cd knows my wants. So now I have 4 guys!!!

What on earth am I playing at!!! Help me someone please!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 2:57pm
378: Smile says:

K2012 can you see it as practise. Ask away and see the reaction? I’ve been surprised. I’ve taken different approaches with each guy. Kind of exploring.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 3:00pm
379: Smile says:

I AM THE PRIZE!!!!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 3:00pm
380: Memulo says:

K2012, if you want to know, why not to ask?

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 3:05pm
381: Dominique says:

k2012 – 370 – No please. It’s too soon, and he’s not even there in front of you. Even if things become more serious, this isn’t something to ask. If he’s the man for you, he wouldn’t even consider dating others, and if he’s not he man for you, it will come out sooner or later on its own, no help from you. And likely sooner.

xxoo

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 3:16pm
382: Dominique says:

Plus you can’t be sue about anything. He might tell you anything you want to hear, and until he’s there with you, in front of you, able to see what his actions are, if they match his words, you will likely still be wondering.

xxoo

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 3:18pm
383: Tam says:

377…Dominique, good point.

Pffff…I still feel in two minds about Curly and it is starting to drive me insane. How long will this go on for? I just don’t feel like I am able to commit to him, yet or ever. Yet he makes me feel so great and is sooo good for me and to me. So affectionate and proud to be with me. But I am still a sceptic. We are cooking together tonight and I wonder ‘will he turn up stoned again?’ and I feel on edge.

Today we met an ex of his from a decade ago, very classy and nice lady – but she still has the hots for him and they never even had a relationship or sex or anything. She came and pushed her number on him and said ‘I am only in town for a week’ – she said it twice, and might as well have said ‘call me call me’. I felt bad and at the same time knew that he wouldn’t meet her and that I can trust him.
He even asked me whether he should delete her number, as he didn’t want to be impolite but if it bothered me he’d just get rid of it. I said ‘no it’s ok’ and for him just to think about how he would feel if I was to take the number of an ex in front of his nose. And he countered by saying that last night I met a male friend and he never gave me any trouble, but that he didn’t like that either. Fair enough.
Pffff..this dating/relationship thing is so complicated.
I just loved my single life, I guess???
No complications..haha.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 4:01pm
384: Tam says:

4 guys Smile, you are rocking this. I don’t think you need help, you seem to be navigating this swimmingly!!
Look at me, I have 1 1/2 CD’s, and I can’t heck it.
Hahahahaaaaaaaa.
Talking of which, I was sitting on the beach and SurferCD from weeks ago runs by….while I sit there canoodling with Curly and his doggie. Surfer CD shouts: Hiiiiii Tam!!!!!!!
Curly looks at him, this big, muscle and obviously much younger man than him (phwoarrrr Surfer looked soooo hot!!!!) and Curly goes ‘oh, I want to shake his hand for obviously doing the wrong thing and not managing to get you. Whatever he did wrong, I just want to thank the guy’.
Very funny, he is so full of confidence and did NOT feel threatened.
Me, on the other hand, if this perfect woman had skipped by and done that, I’d have felt threatened probably.
I felt kind of happy that Curly saw I had a hot young and muscly man after me…haha. Especially as we keep bumping into his ‘female friends’..there we bumped into my male friend..hehe.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 4:07pm
385: MovingMagic says:

Meeting Jitsu cd tonight. I’m going to focus on leaning back, and staying present.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 4:32pm
386: BeLoved says:

I’m feeling curious and wondering about men/manboys.

I’ve been thinking about C off and on, and how K at work gets him to do so many things because he’s like a son to her – the other day when I was in the room she handed him her car keys and said, ‘make mama happy baby, and go get my car started so it can be warm when I get out there’. He was SO happy to do it, and I felt weird because I never asked anything like that of my son (not a good thing, I babied him, I had no good male or mother models to go by) AND, because she just said it so naturally, like she had every right in the world to ask him and
he responded so positively.

I don’t want to treat him like he’s a son
but it got my mind going and wondering, between him and the interaction with the vendor telling me I was wrong for expecting something unspoken, whether it’s ME who isn’t being clear.
Am I supposed to be saying to a man,
Hey, leave your frigging gf, finalize your divorce and let’s just get married already? I need plane tickets to OR for June, here’s my ID info, handle this and don’t let me down?

In my mind it seems like…sure, just say all of that.
But once I type it out, it’s like…that don’t make no sense

Isn’t a grownup man going to ask what he can do for me, and look for ways to help me (not to mention be available)?

I think my mind got warped somewhere because I found some old emails from 2006 where I was asking B, my business partner and fiance, to do this and that and the other kind of thing, like, make a bank run and pay this bill and generally take care of stuff.
After him I started dating T, which was like driving uphill with the brakes on, NOTHING ever got accomplished and I think I just gave up asking for or expecting anything.

The *right* guy is going to be easy, right? I’m not going to have to spell out everything and have to ask for basic things like, don’t be married and have a gf. Hey, instead of spending $4,000 on tires for one of your 13 cars, how about putting me through midwifery school, etc.

Right?

Like, I didn’t miss out on true love and something awesome by not telling C I wanted him to finish up his divorce and not have a gf.
Something inside of me is telling me, it’s my fault for not speaking up and saying what I wanted, that if I had just done that then things would be different.
But I think if I had done that, then I would have either opened myself up to a whole new world of pain of disappointment and loss of self-respect, or ended up with a manboy who needs a strong mama to tell him what to do.

I embarrassed, like this should be obvious
but I feel uncertain and wonder what y’all think.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 5:02pm
387: Annie says:

358: Scarlet says:

“I know you ladies say that when a man pulls away to CD to feel better. I am assuming that when you’ve been in an exclusive relationship the only way to meet new men would be online. I honestly don’t know how I would do that when I’m feeling so much pain.

I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day, let alone putting a profile up somewhere.

Any other suggestions to getting through this pain?”

Put your hand over you heart, feel the heartbreak of having no control over others unloving actions towards you, cry let it go. Hopefully afterwards you will feel a little lighter and then know what you do have control over is your own loving actions in the best way to take care of yourself and then treat yourself, compassionately and very gently. make yourself healthy food, sleep when you need to, take a quiet walk, bubble baths, anything that makes you feel better and cared for. The tears may come and go but hopefully get lighter each time. X Hugs

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 5:12pm
388: k2012 says:

Feminine woman, I just saw your post about talking about an ex. Overseas cd was the one who asked me about my previous relationship. Most men and women as well ask about your previous relationship. I told him that I had just ended a relationship last july. He asked what happened and I told him the guy disappeared on me. He said “what u mean disappeared on you?”, so I told him the story and he said that it was “his loss” that is disappearing ex. Of course now, I won’t be talking about him (disappearing ex) to overseas cd again. Overseas cd would be shocked if he knew it was who as we are all schoolmates. Thanks for advice on the last question ladies. Dominique, I will take your advice. I won’t ask him yet. Mark u (as my dad would say) he said he was divorced and by himself for 3 years but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t dating someone so I will be cautious and just take it easy, date other people and just kick back and watch to see who is going to step up to the Prestigious position of being my boyfriend and later husband. What a day that will be when I finally find the man of my dreams. I really look forward to that day when I find a wonderful gentleman who will be the love of my life. He will be lucky to find me.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 5:25pm
389: Lori says:

Fourth day of leaning back and no contact. Last contact was Weds morning. He hasn’t picked up the package/blanket yet. I was hoping he would but figured he wouldn’t get to it until Monday.

I’m thinking he will pick it up and call me tomorrow. I really miss him a lot.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 5:28pm
390: Dominique says:

BeLoved – 381 – None of this is obvious, and most of us are not told how to BE let alone BE in a relationship.

It’s all a learning and growing process, and that you’re here, puts you way ahead of so many others though I don’t like to say this, for we are all on our paths, and people and things come to us at just the right time, FOR YOU.

xxoo

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 5:44pm
391: k2012 says:

“The tears may come and go but hopefully get lighter each time.” Scarlet, Annie gave u some good advice. Out of all that she said, this statement hit me. As someone who has experienced breakup 6 months ago, I am here to tell u that this statement is so true. In my experience, I stopped crying in October. The breakup was in July. It does get better, I promise u. How long since u and your guy has broke up?

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 6:14pm
392: Butterfly Wings says:

381: BeLoved – Men will do what they think they need to do to keep you (if they’re into you of course), although they might sometimes get it wrong.

My ex hubby cheated on his gf. It was a stupid thing, and I KNOW there was nothing meant by it (as he’d done exactly the same thing to me), but of course it devastated her (as it did me).

So he did EVERYTHING it took to win her back, including cancelling his FB account (where he was chatting online to these women), asking me for a divorce (I was more than happy to oblige), and proposing to her. They’re getting married in April.

I’m not sure he would have acted so fast in proposing etc if this hadn’t happened, but he knew what she wanted, and he knew that if he had any chance of keeping her after what he’d done, he had to do it.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 6:28pm
393: Butterfly Wings says:

I told Mr Italian last night that it just wasn’t going to happen with us, after I received a text yesterday from him wanting to see me. I could definitely use him for sexual pleasure, but the sex wasn’t even that great! It was ok, and it scratched the “itch”, but nothing like with J or S, where there was an emotional connection too. I’m going to be sexually exclusive with S anyway, and Mr Italian, well sex is all he wanted so there’s no point! lol

Also, I told J last Tuesday night that we should cut all contact while he tries to sort out his relationship with his gf that he went back to. He was texting me daily, telling me how torn he felt. He loved her, but he was extremely attracted to me, and like me, he also felt this intense attraction. Argh!

He’d also offered to come and look after me (cook me dinner) after my operation last Thursday and while I was originally open to it, I realised that I would REALLY hate it if I were in his gf’s shoes. It just didn’t feel right.

He told me he understood, then went on to tell me how wonderful I am. Then I received a text from him Saturday, asking how I was. He’s such a sweet guy, but if I’m realistic, I know it would never have worked, with or without him going back to his gf – he’s just way too young and he wants kids.

I’m glad it ended so positively though and I know I’ll be happy to see him if I happen to bump into him in the street (which is highly likely).

Then there’s D. We used to work together, and when I was having trouble with TH (which was often), he was there for me. He would take me to dinner and we would walk along the river holding hands afterwards, he would show me the affection I craved, and tell me how beautiful and wonderful I was and how I deserved better.

He knows about S, and was telling me the other night that he has missed out again. I told him he needs to move faster! lol

He will stick around, maybe hanging on the sideline, waiting for me to stop seeing S so he can make his move – I’m sure of it! Plus we’ll keep in contact via FB anyway. He called me on Friday night to invite me over, but I said no.

Then there’s S. He’s not normally the type I go for (I normally go for men who treat me like cr@p!), but there’s something I really like about him, even though there wasn’t “that” much attraction at first. But it’s growing every day.

I know that in his eyes, I am definitely the prize. He was telling me that he had to keep pinching himself because he couldn’t believe he was out with me, let alone KISSING me! He’s great in bed too! hehe! I just love that he sees ME as the prize, which is kind of new for me. J treated me as though I was the prize too…

I have dinner plans with Mr Lawyer next week, and I’m going to have to make it VERY clear beforehand that I’m sexually exclusive with S (he knows about S), so I will do dinner, but that’s all! He may change his mind about dinner with that news, but I’m ok with that.

Gee life’s busy, but after ditching TH, things have improved in the most unblievable way!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:01pm
394: Butterfly Wings says:

I told Mr Italian last night that it just wasn’t going to happen with us, after I received a text yesterday from him wanting to see me. I could definitely use him for sexual pleasure, but the sex wasn’t even that great! It was ok, and it scratched the “itch”, but nothing like with J or S, where there was an emotional connection too. I’m going to be sexually exclusive with S anyway, and Mr Italian, well sex is all he wanted so there’s no point! lol

Also, I told J last Tuesday night that we should cut all contact while he tries to sort out his relationship with his gf that he went back to. He was texting me daily, telling me how torn he felt. He loved her, but he was extremely attracted to me, and like me, he also felt this intense attraction. Argh!

He’d also offered to come and look after me (cook me dinner) after my operation last Thursday and while I was originally open to it, I realised that I would REALLY hate it if I were in his gf’s shoes. It just didn’t feel right.

He told me he understood, then went on to tell me how wonderful I am. Then I received a text from him Saturday, asking how I was. He’s such a sweet guy, but if I’m realistic, I know it would never have worked, with or without him going back to his gf – he’s just way too young and he wants kids.

I’m glad it ended so positively though and I know I’ll be happy to see him if I happen to bump into him in the street (which is highly likely).

Then there’s D. We used to work together, and when I was having trouble with TH (which was often), he was there for me. He would take me to dinner and we would walk along the river holding hands afterwards, he would show me the affection I craved, and tell me how beautiful and wonderful I was and how I deserved better.

He knows about S, and was telling me the other night that he has missed out again. I told him he needs to move faster! lol

He will stick around, maybe hanging on the sideline, waiting for me to stop seeing S so he can make his move – I’m sure of it! Plus we’ll keep in contact via FB anyway. He called me on Friday night to invite me over, but I said no.

Then there’s S. He’s not normally the type I go for (I normally go for men who treat me like cr@p!), but there’s something I really like about him, even though there wasn’t “that” much attraction at first. But it’s growing every day.

I know that in his eyes, I am definitely the prize. He was telling me that he had to keep pinching himself because he couldn’t believe he was out with me, let alone KISSING me! He’s great in bed too! hehe! I just love that he sees ME as the prize, which is kind of new for me. J treated me as though I was the prize too…

I have dinner plans with Mr Lawyer next week, and I’m going to have to make it VERY clear beforehand that I’m sexually exclusive with S (he knows about S), so I will do dinner, but that’s all! He may change his mind about dinner with that news, but I’m ok with that.

Gee life’s busy, but after ditching TH, things have improved in the most unblievable way!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:01pm
395: Butterfly Wings says:

Oops double post!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:02pm
396: BeLoved says:

Thanks for the perspective, BW.

One thing I know, is that if it’s meant to be, nothing on G0d’s green earth could stop it (I mostly know this, I have been oscillating) so
I’m saying this mostly for my own benefit, to keep hearing and reminding myself that
all I have to do is stay on my horse
focus on my own life
make choices that are right for me
feel my feelings
everything will work out one way or another.

Tonight I took a cue from Annie (yet again!) and had my hand on my heart, feeling the pain of betraying myself and another woman.
I kept telling myself that if I were with C, I wouldn’t want him to stop being so flirtatious and affectionate, that it’s part of who he is and something I’ve come to appreciate in open/poly relationships
but he is probably showing each of us very different sides of himself (I feel sick)
and
she is not me, she thinks differently from me,
they don’t have the same agreements I would have.

And really, none of that even matters if I simply focus on what is appropriate for ME at my JOB.

Without a lot of affection at work, I’m left with the painful reality of being very underemployed, unappreciated, severely underutilized, and lonely with very little meaningful engagement with others and a feeling of helplessness about how to get out of the hole.

If I moved back to the PNW, I’d have more compatible, heart-centered community although I don’t know if there is a market for the kind of dream playshops that I’m creating, since the consciousness is different there. I feel like it would be easier to relax and form better ties than before because I’d be committed and have cleared out so much of my family-of-origin karma.

Now that not only do I know I don’t need, but somehow actually HAVE, my father’s approval…it’s like…whoa…what now?
What else is possible?

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:11pm
397: Butterfly Wings says:

Here’s something that Mr Lawyer told me that makes it VERY clear to me why CDing really is a great thing…

Have you ever decided to buy a specific brand of car (or something else), then all of a sudden, you’re seeing it everywhere??

That’s because before you wanted THAT car, they were always there, but your mind was automatically filtering any images of it out, so you never noticed them. But when you decided on the exact brand you wanted, your mental filters allowed you to see them and you would see the same brand of car whenever you were out and about.

The same goes with relationships…

Before I met J, I was used to having men in my life who either abused me, cheated on me, showed me no affection, and basically treated me like cr@p.

Then I met J (thanks to NWG!), who treated me as though I was the prize, and acted as though he was the luckiest man alive to be with me. He was affectionate, and he had no hesitation in telling me how hot and wonderful I was, and I felt amazing in his presence. This was all VERY new to me but I loved every second of it.

So when he went back to his girlfriend (long story that one), something snapped in me. I spent an entire day crying, even though we’d only just met. I felt this intense sense of loss. But it wasn’t J that I felt the loss of – it was the attention, the affection and the words that had been coming at me from him, and the feeling I had when I was around him. I wanted to feel like that again!

And THAT was the type of man I wanted. I wanted a man who treated me that way.

Until I met J, I didn’t know what it felt like to have a man who treated me that way. But now I did, because I was open to meeting new men, and he was one of them.

Mr Lawyer told me that now that I knew what I wanted, my filters were now down and that I would now be able to attract and see men who had those attributes that I was looking for.

Until J, I had no clue what those attributes were, or what i felt like to be with a man who had those, so my filters were not allowing me to see these men.

A few days later, Mr Italian contacted me again, wanting to see me, and he showed me that he definitely did NOT meet my new criteria. I felt so disappointed, but also VERY sure that he was not the man for me. I have J to thank for that, for showing me what I DID want.

Then a week later, S came into my life, and while the intense attraction wasn’t there at first, he definitely had the same attributes as J. Wow!

I feel amazing in his presence, I feel like I am the prize, I feel happy when I’m with him, and most importantly, he makes me laugh!

Plus he has NO other women in his life. No ex gf’s about to try to win him back, nobody he likes to visit overseas, telling me they’re “just friends” when they’re clearly not (good one TH!), and I feel 100% safe with him.

CDing has allowed me to meet and weed out any men that do not meet my criteria. I can definitely see a future with S, although I’m trying hard not to jump too much ahead of myself. But right now, he’s looking exactly like what I want, and I know that he is still in happy disbelief about how he ended up with me! Yay!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:25pm
398: Butterfly Wings says:

Yep, stay on that horse Beloved. Best place to be.

xxx

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:26pm
399: Scarlet says:

K2102
We havent ‘broken up’. He has disappeared. Not answering my calls for 5 days. After spending over 3 weeks of seeing each other every day, this feels awful that he does not want to talk to me. He has done this before when he had substance abuse problems. I dont know whats going on but he has hurt me terribly because that was never going to happen again.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:47pm
400: Scarlet says:

Sorry K2012, I got your name wrong.
I want to thank all you ladies for your advice and support. What I have taken from it all is to feel my pain and nurture myself as best I can. That is all I have control over.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:54pm
401: Butterfly Wings says:

(((Scarlet))) some of these men just don’t deserve us. xxx

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 7:57pm
402: k2012 says:

392- Butterfly Wings-”CDing has allowed me to meet and weed out any men that do not meet my criteria”. Thanks for saying this. Your life sounds very interesting and some parts of your story made me crack up. That’s why I am so eager to get out there so I can start making comparisons with Overseas CD. Don’t want to focus on one person at all. No way. Not yet anyway. Scarlet, we are here for u? How many times has your boyfriend disappear? I don’t know if I ever said it on here, oh yes I did-that my disappearing ex disappeared about 3 times before his final disappearance. One time he disappeared for a week. Man I nearly freak out. The first 2 times, it was just for a few days but the third time it was for a week, can u imagine that. Then reappeared with a story about the phone drooping. He dropped the phone. The first time I believed him, the second time I started wondering and the third time I ask him straight up if there was someone else. Of course the answer was no. When he disappeared the day after he came to my house where he was supposed to stay, after 2 days without hearing from him, I knew this was the final disappearance? How many times has he disappeared before?

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 8:48pm
403: k2012 says:

Ok. There is an update about disappearing ex. I spoke to my sister last night. She said she called him cause originally she had his name on her CV as reference. Shortly after he disappeared, she called him to let him know that he should expect calls from prospective employers as she was job hunting. He was a reference, she was calling him for business purposes, but he apparently thought (I know he would) that my sister was calling him re his disappearance so at that time, he didn’t answer. Even when my sis left a message, she got no response from him so my sis said she was going to take off his name. She stopped job hunting as she is also going to school and so she didn’t take off his name. She has started jobhunting again so since the name wasn’t taken off, she called him. He answered quite alright she said. She said he answered alright cause him friend her up-remember he called twice and sent christmas greetings. He was trying to friend me up too by wishing me happy birthday. I did well not to answer him. Both my sisters and my parents as well as hairdresser/relationship counsellor and an overseas friend applauded me for ignoring him. Not to mention when I purposely went through every single one of my birthday comments and clicked like and didn’t click his. And to top it off, I deleted the bastard from my page. He is so coward, he called twice and hung up before I answered. And my sister overseas hasn’t said a word to him and he is not hearing from me as hairdresser commented. He doesn’t even have any shame. Some guys would never even think of calling their ex’s sister whether they expect a tongue lashing or not. He told my sister that he was in another state at his sister’s house re some situation(can’t say here ) with the neighbour. My sister said to me,that if he is speaking the truth. The phone dropping story started when he started spending a lot at the sister’s house, so I figured he found someone in that state. I am so glad hairdresser told me the full story with him. Old player. Later for him. Old bastard.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 9:14pm
404: Indigo says:

k2012 370

I feel in agreement with Dominique. I absolutely would not ask this, especially if you are just chatting online.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 9:30pm
405: k2012 says:

Yes indigo, I have decided as I mentioned earlier that I am not going to ask him. I hope he isd speaking the truth though as he seems interested in me and I am interested in him, my interest has started to grow. I just need to hurry and meet other men too so I can compare like Butterfly wings. He said he is ‘by himself for three years’ which strongly suggest that he is single. So even if he is dating, he probably say he is single as he is probably not in a serious committed relationship.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 9:40pm
406: Indigo says:

I have woken up every morning for the last 2 weeks or so with the most beautiful feeling. It feels like a flower blooming in my chest.

It feels as if it comes from D, and from a strange kind of happiness that I feel from him, and then I think maybe I am focusing on him too much, but I feel happy.

I leaned forward last night… yes, I know, I know. For the first time in 2 weeks. He had skyped me in the morning. And I called him, and I asked him if he wanted to watch one of our favourite shows.

And we did. And he was sweet to me. Hugging and kissing and stroking me, he bought me an ice cream milkshake thingy when he went out to get dinner.

And I let it go, the whole evening, as soon as I left. I felt no pain, no disappointment, no tumbled up feelings inside, I just let it go.

And I asked him, while I was there, I couldn’t help myself, whether there was potential for him and me. And he said yes, but months or years down the road. He said he needs to take a breather and just take stock, and he thinks this would be good for me too.

So I dropped it, left it at that, and we snuggled till midnight, and then I went home.

I don’t want to be confused about this. And for the first time, I feel clear. Things don’t feel hard, they feel easy. I don’t have all the answers, but I am on my horse, and we are walking gently forward.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 9:46pm
407: Lori says:

Indigo, that’s so great and gives me hope. Thanks for sharing.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 9:48pm
408: Butterfly Wings says:

K2012 – it certainly helps to give someone to compare to. I may have possibly pursued something with Mr Italian if I didn’t have J or S to compare him to. The thought of that is frightening! lol

That’s because he just does not come close to either of them! He’s a nice guy and all, but the other two were all about me. Mr Italian was all about himself. Quite an interesting comparison…

And parts of my story crack me up too! I should sooo write a book about my experiences over the last two years…!

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 9:53pm
409: Butterfly Wings says:

Oh nice Indigo! That feels good to read.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 9:58pm
410: k2012 says:

Yes Butterflywings, we are all here to help each other. I will continue to ask u guys to guide me. Yes man, comparison is good. Sometimes I wonder if it would feel silly to go out by myself to nice place. One of my girlfriends and I are supposed to go out but since returning to work (we are in the same profession), we have been real busy. I really hope we can go next week Saturday.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 10:07pm
411: k2012 says:

“The difference between what a man says and what he does are the difference between a lifelong love partnership, and a fling.” Woo! I love this. Smile, thanks for posting this lovely tool from Rori. I think I read something like this already. When I read it, I wanted to scream. As we would say in my country,”pram pram” (meaning we are in strong support of something. This is an excellent tool. I am going to copy and post it right now.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 10:51pm
412: k2012 says:

“The prize here is YOU – not him!”. Indeed. I need to remember that. After all. I am the prize, yes. Pure Gold.

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 11:03pm
413: janie baby says:

K, I feel curious from your comment about your country!
Where are you from?

Sunday, 13 January 2013 @ 11:28pm
414: janie baby says:

I’ve noticed a cycle in my way of thinking. I feel anxious just acting natural and being excited when he calls me. i feel like I have to act hard to get like not answre his calls and reschedule plans for next time to get him interested so he doesn’t think I’ll be tehre at the flick of a button.
Yesterday I saw him and we went to the neighborhood where he was supposed to work at night to eat lunch. The beginning was fun but he wanted to go watch a football game at the bar where he was working at later and he wanted me to come with him. I’m not into sports but I hadn’t really watched a full game so I said sure. I started feeling really bored and feeling kind of ignored and sensitive. Then, I started doubting everything and that we slept together the day before. I got nervous so I started acting kind of cranky and I got annoyed cause he kept saying I could leave if I wanted to. I was tired and didn’t feel like walking through the cold to the bus stop but felt really bored there. I feel proud though at myself and like healing is happening though because usually I would have reacted way more emotionally wanting a reaction, but this time I was more aware of myself and checking in with me. At the end of the game we had ten minutes until he actually had to work, and I said I wanted tea and he said he’d go with me but I guess I was being kind of whiny and so he said “you’re starting to piss me off” and i just got so annoyed and didn’t like being scolded so i just said “i’m not having fun with you so I’m gonna go” and I just left. Usually I would have thrown a tantrum or try to make it better but I just left. And then felt soooo good on my own!!! Then he called me three times and asked me to let him know when I got on the bus safe. I said “ok” Later he texted me asking if I was still mad and I told him I felt annoyed and disconnected earlier but I was happy cause I was in bed..It was a weird text exchange but it ended on a good note.

I feel weird.
He didn’t call me today.
He kept introducing me as his girlfriend to people yesterday except I’ve told him I don’t want to be his girlfriend until he treats me like HIS girlfriend…so now I feel a little trapped.
I feel like he should be wanting to hang out more with me.
I feel the expectations rising.
I felt like he should have asked me to hang out tomorrow night.
He hasn’t so I think I’m just gonna hang out with my girl friend and let him struggle to make the plans.
I find myself feeling anxious about trying to be available for him because I find myslef having expectations like “in a relationship, the couple should see each other atleast 3/4/5 times a week” If I don’t see him by tuesday we will have only seen each other 2 times this week. I don’t like being so nit picky I want to focus on the moment and have fun.
I’m just worried because I love the flypaper tool of Rori’s but she says you can keep a fling going on forever if you’re not aware. How do I keep the awareness? Do I create a time limit in my head of when he has to step up by?
I feel confused.
I would appreciate some clarification.
Hmmmm
Confusiioon

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 12:10am
415: Vi says:

I feel unsafe to be soft and open with MH, I am unused to be that way with my family members. I feel panic and tight in my tummy. And I feel tight in my chest too and I feel my back humping. I love my fears. I love my panic. I love love my tummy. I love my shoulders I love my shoulders humping. I love their protection. Thank you shoulders for your protection, i feel cared and loved by you. Thank you Thank you Thank you! Thank you for doing your best to keep my heart safe. And it’s okay to relax now. And I won’t beat myself up by no means, I promise!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 12:16am
416: janie baby says:

((Vi))

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 12:19am
417: janie baby says:

I keep refreshing the page hehe. I can’t sleep.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 12:54am
418: janie baby says:

I guess I leaned forward.
I just want to treat him how I used to when we were best friends
so I texted him saying
“I want eggs benedict!!” lol because I’m feeling very playful and extremely hungry and he just called me and said he’s thinking bout me and asked me what I was doing tomorrow I said during the day I was busy but free at night and he said he’d come over to watch a movie and we’d go get dinner.
I kind of wanted to be busy at night too to play hard to get but I authentically want to see him and get dinner
When people wake up though, I’d really appreciate input about my question about Rori’s flypaper tool and how she tlaks about keeping a fling going on forever.

I FEEL SO hungry.
I had a big lunch and very late so didn’t really eat a huge dinner, and I have nothing really in my fridge except for lettuce and cheese. Maybe I’ll eat some cheese… hehehehe

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 1:19am
419: janie baby says:

aww and he told me he feels depressed cause he doesn’t know what he is going to do in life. he just graduated and wants to go to law school eventually but needs a goood job in the mean time right now.
I feel bad. I feel like I’m reallly pressuring him.I want to be there for him as a friend. I feel bad for him. He seems anxious.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 1:21am
420: Vi says:

Thank you for hugs Janie Baby!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 1:43am
421: janie baby says:

Vi I listened to a meditation by Gabrielle Bernstein today “Releasing Romantic Illusions” it’s on itunes for free. It’s so good and made me feel relaxed! It’s only 8 minutes long. Maybe you’d like it!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 1:45am
422: Butterfly Wings says:

janie baby, are you CDing?

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 1:52am
423: Butterfly Wings says:

S came over today to pick up some boxes for his move. I introduced him to one of my daughters, then when she went back upstairs we kind of made out in the laundry! lol

He was saying how tempted he was to rip all my clothes off and take me right there in the adjoining storeroom. HOT! haha!

When we can finally sleep together again (it’s been 2 weeks since the last time), it’s going to be pretty wild! Although he’s very tentative about my new b00bs and oh so very gentle!

I feel so happy when I’m with him. So very, very happy.

THIS is what it’s like to feel good in a man’s presence. It’s been so long since I felt his way but I’m so glad I’m feeling it now.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 1:55am
424: janie baby says:

BW,
laundry room sounds fun!! hehe

and noo not really. I’m not looking for marriage right now and I don’t really feel like online dating yet.
My heart is open to other men, but don’t want to date anyone else unless I develop a friendship first.

I guess I’m trying to CD myself by filling my life with lovely things and lots of love and friends for now!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 2:03am
425: Vi says:

Janie Baby thanks, I ‘ll check it out!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 2:11am
426: Butterfly Wings says:

419: janie baby – It’s a big laundry room too!

I was never interested in the online dating, and since ending it with TH, I was really just socialising with people from work. So not dating as such.

I met Mr Italian while out with the boys from work, then NWG from work introduced me to his friend.

Then S popped back into my life after 2 years, out of the blue.

Plus I had other “admirers” I guess, including Mr Lawyer who I’ve known for almost 7 years.

So no actual going on “dates” with most of them, but rather just having them in my life and chatting to them via text and online etc. It’s really helped with my vibe, that’s for sure.

Especially on Xmas day when I hadn’t heard from J. I did hear from Mr Italian, so while I wasn’t attracted to him as such, it was still nice to receive the male attention.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 2:41am
427: Butterfly Wings says:

Mr Lawyer arranged for some potions to be posted to me to help with the scarring from my operation. When I opened the package, he’s also included all of these other potions for me! Haha!

He wants to take me to dinner on the 23rd of this month, although I’m pretty sure he wants more than just dinner! Argh! Will have to have a chat to him about what I plan to do where S is concerned I guess. He knows all about S – I’ve been babbling about him for two weeks!

Still nice of him to have it sent to me though.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 2:49am
428: Indigo says:

Thank you Lori and Butterfly Wings

The other thing he said last night which made me happy was he said he thought there was a one in a million chance of him sleeping with someone else but he doesn’t want to make me any promises.

I can’t really explain why I feel so happy but I do. And calm. Things which I stressed and agonised over before, I worry about for a minute and then let go.

It is like I said, like a big flower blooming inside my chest.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 3:23am
429: Indigo says:

((((janie baby))))

Butterfly Wings made a good suggestion: are you circular dating? Hanging out with other guys and accepting coffee and lunch dates etc. will alleviate a lot of the anxiety you are feeling right now, and will help you to be a lot less hung up on whether you see him 3, 4 or 5 times a week.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 3:28am
430: Butterfly Wings says:

I just told Mr Lawyer that we will not be sleeping with each other, and he’s fine with it and told me he was expecting it after all I’ve told him about S.

He also told me that if things don’t work with S, then to give him a call! Oh well, at least I have a Plan B if I should ever need one!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 3:36am
431: Tam says:

Oh why do I sabotage so much. I needn’t have worried, had a lovely evening with Curly cooking, eating and chatting, super relaxed and just great.
It would feel great if I could just generally relax and enjoy this for now. I am getting there!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 5:23am
432: Heart says:

Wow Tam…you and this Curly are becoming a couple…it’s so wonderful to see such a change in you…

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 5:35am
433: Heart says:

Janie – have u read Rori’s book?
Remember to respect the masculine and speak in feeling messages.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 5:36am
434: Tam says:

Hi Heart!!

Long time no see!!
I saw your post on Cuddly – how’s things?

Yep, Curly, maybe maybe. I am still feeling unsure but I have come to the conclusion that it is a good thing. He is being very nice to me and making me his priority, it’s lovely. I was very close to letting him go but I am glad that I didn’t and who knows what happens…we have a great time in the meantime.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 5:50am
435: Iamabutterfly says:

Thankful for: plenty of rest, feeling completely confident for the first time in a long time, sticking with boundaries, men who do manly things to help me. Seriously this complete stranger helped me when I was struggling with something that required strength. He just took it from me and finished the task with ease and it was the most masculine, attractive thing that I have ever seen!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 5:51am
436: Heart says:

I feel Good right now…
I feel warm
I feel relaxed…
I feel disconnected from the blog
I feel softer
I feel go-with-the-flow-ish
I feel hopeful

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 5:52am
437: BeLoved says:

I learned a neat NLP trick that I’ve done a few times naturally, but since listening to a meditation I’ve been practicing and playing with a lot today.

Instead of saying to myself, “I can’t take one more day of this soul-draining job”, with the same intonation and inflection, I say,
“Ugh, I can’t take one more second of having such a fabulous career.
Ugh, I can’t take one more second of feeling ridiculously happy and fulfilled.
Ugh…I can’t take one more second of feeling so good about life, the universe and everything.
I swear, if I have to spend ONE MORE SECOND loving life and everything about it for no friggin’ reason, I am going to burst with joy.
Arrgh, if I feel unexpectedly delighted and surprised ONE MORE TIME and get exactly what I want and need and totally love it without having to “try” to get it, I am just going to SCREAM!”

I’m feeling lighthearted and playful, this is amusing me

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 5:53am
438: Heart says:

Tam! – I feel so happy for u…
You seem radiant!
Wow!

Well Tam…CudG & I are dating again. I think I got a little hung up last time and started making mountains out of moleholes. I’ve gained some Perspective I suppose.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 5:59am
439: Tam says:

Thank you heart…

I had to giggle about the ‘mountain out of moleholes’ comment..oh I know how to do that!!! Ha!!!

You sound good too!!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 6:01am
440: Heart says:

Thanks Tam!

I’m just curious…will you be staying there for long though..I remember u said u were going for 6 months.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 6:09am
441: Heart says:

Anyway I want to do something different….I might move in a couple of months.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 6:19am
442: Heart says:

Maybe.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 6:21am
443: Tam says:

heart, I am just taking it day by day for now. I can stay another 2 months and if everything (job, financially etc) goes well could draw it out a bit..we will see…

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 6:23am
444: Heart says:

sounds good Tam!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 6:33am
445: Femininewoman says:

BW I feel so curious about the feel of the boobs when you or he touch them.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 6:44am
446: Mercedes says:

FW: I don’t know about BW’s experience but J bought me new boobies a couple of years ago and I am very, very happy with them (so is he). They actually feel very natural (and I lost almost no sensitivity – which is rare to lose almost none but I’ll take that blessing). I had a lift and firm and I love the firm the most. lol They aren’t hard, just firm…like when I was 20.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 6:58am
447: NewfMom says:

Great blog post! Lindsay is very brave and I’m so glad that she was able to come to terms enough to see a new life ahead.

To update on my issue. The previous blog post (my comment #1141) has a bit of background, if anyone is interested. Here is the latest:

On Friday, Phillip emails me. It’s nothing of importance, and it’s mostly just chatting. I’m still in a great deal of pain about things, so I told him that I didn’t want to email or text – it was too painful. He relented (kind of), then later on that day, he sends me a funny picture with the subject, “Hopefully this will cheer you up a bit.” It was cute, and I responded with a thank you, and said that there was only one thing that would cheer me up. He asked what it was; I said we’d talk about it on Saturday. He pushed, despite my boundary that we don’t discuss important issues in text or email. He wouldn’t let it go, so I told him that it would make me feel good if we could continue the way we were, but I feel that it won’t happen.

Then I promptly got sick, and ran for the restroom to throw up. Extreme emotions and stress do that to me. I had lunch an hour earlier (and had to force myself to eat), and I didn’t eat anything for the rest of the day. The thought of food made my stomach churn.

Anyway, he was supposed to come over on Saturday. I had a feeling he’d find a reason to cancel (he’d done this before, basically chickening out). Sure enough, he emailed me to say that “something came up.” At first, I responded with the “voice of need and desperation.” Then I got a hold of myself, and said that I couldn’t make him do or not do anything, and to let me know when he wanted to get his stuff.

Him: “Well, let me see if I can juggle things around. I can’t stay.”
Me: “It would feel good if we could carve out some time to talk.”
Him: “Talk about what?”

OY!

His tone was dismissive then he said that it wasn’t worth it to talk. I told him that was okay, but to not contact me unless he was going to pick up his things. He responded with something snarky, so I told him that I felt such anger and hatred, that I didn’t want to talk to him. He replied with something like hurt feelings. I stopped responding to his emails. Then he texted me – please respond; I did not respond. Then he called – five times! I did not answer. More texts: Please pick up the phone. Why would I? It would only make me feel horrible. He left a couple of voicemails with a bit of desperation in his voice. All I could think was, “why is he doing this?” If he goes radio silent that’s okay. But if I do it, he can’t handle it.

It gets better. He emails me to say that he was on his way to my house – he wanted to talk. I didn’t respond. About 45 minutes later, I get a text from him saying he was in my town (we’re about an hour apart when driving the speed limit), but he got pulled over for speeding (85 in the 40!). At least he didn’t hear me chuckling.

So, I pull out a bottle of wine (I really needed it, I was shaking so bad), a corkscrew and two wine glasses and placed them on the coffee table. He gets to the door and I could see that he was angry and frustrated. I open the door and he starts in, saying it was my fault that he got a speeding ticket. I calmly said with no hint of malice that I didn’t ask him to come over. That seemed to take the wind out of his sails.

So we talk. He sits on one end of the sofa; I on the other end. I lean back and express as much as I could in feeling messages that I rehearsed. It was *SO* hard to keep my heart open. I cried a lot. He said that he loved me, but he’s frightened and he doesn’t understand why. The thought of any committment scared him.

I told him that I completely understand that he might be scared. I get it. I’m scared too. I said that I never pressured him into a committment. That was the reason I was dating other men – I didn’t want to put pressure on the relationship. He agreed that the pressure was in his mind, and didn’t come from me.

A lot of tears from me, but calm, measured speech; not raising my voice at all and speaking as much from my heart as I could.

He needed time to think. I told him to take as much time as he heeds, but I wasn’t going to wait for him. He confessed that I was the best thing to happen to him in a long time and that I have been nothing but kind to him. But if I were to find another man, he would be the luckiest man on earth (I thought that was a bit of a platitude, but said nothing).

The conversation continued a while, ending with sad smiles.

I gathered up his things; he gave me my keys. We kissed each other on the cheek and he left.

Here’s the clincher: He texts me several times yesterday and then last night to say goodnight. I did not respond. He sends me a Facebook message with the same sentiment (we’re not friends on FB, but he can still message me). I didn’t reply.

This morning, I get an email from him just after I get to work. He asked me out to dinner tonight (??). I said no. I explained that I was giving him space as he asked. I said further that seeing each other would not only defeat the purpose of giving him space, I still felt a lot of pain. I would feel bad and I might break down.

He said okay and wished me a nice day.

Could someone please lend some insight as to why he would behave this way? I watched Toxic Men and the quiz showed that he was a good guy, if a little clueless. Not toxic or difficult at all (I beg to differ on the difficult part, though).

Thoughts?

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 7:21am
448: Elsie says:

Rori! Thank you for responding at #265!!!! Wow! thank you!

I will tell you that he is living in the same house right now as her, I know her as well. They are absolutely not “together”. She brags about dating other people to everyone. Its not that they are together at all. The issue is the kids, and how to get the separation etc. They are not legally married, but have been together 10 years.

I have really taken your post to heart. I think that perhaps I am too dramatic about things. My mom is the same way, and I’ve been told that numerous times in my life. I wish I weren’t that way, so I do need to work on that. That is fantastic advice.

He is very loving towards me but maybe not as much as I need – but maybe thats me being needy? For example, he did take me out this weekend and we had an awesome time, and he was so emotional – and it was so fantastic. We have been dating about a year now or so as we both go through the process of separating and for me, divorce.

You said that my emotionality is not serving me in any way. It probably is not helping me see clearly – you are probably right about that as well.

I think I”m just nervous. And worried. It seems even after a year that he and I are really good together, and after everything gets sorted out – we will be fine. He has children, and he absolutely adores my daughter and loves her. I think we would have no problem integrating as a blended family.

We dont talk much about the future because we arent sure exactly when or how its going to happen.

He also is ISTP and I am ENFJ if you know anything about Myers Briggs. He is introverted, thinker, who keeps emotions to himself mostly (although with me he has had more emotions than he has ever had – except for his children.) And I”m outgoing and loud and very emotional. So we are very different. I dont want to change him, but just understand him, etc.

For example, we will be texting and it will be fine and then all of a sudden I wont hear any more. The next day at work he will say – well I went to bed or whatever. He doesnt really think about the whole emotional impact of my being very very sort of needy as far as needing emotional stuff, if that makes sense.

I dont know what to say to him to make him really understand what it is I need so that he can give it to me. There is no question that this man loves me, but I think as the five love languages say I need more “words of encouragement.” The quality time we have because we work together and see each other all the time at work and outside of work as much as we can. And of course, he is fantastic at acts of service and really does stuff for me around the house and helps so much – its unbelievable.

I guess I just need to HEAR the words. How do I tell him that? I have tried before, but I’m not sure I’m saying it right?

Also, how do I say to him that I just need to hear more sort of flowery words about how much he loves me – or is that stupid that I need that – am I being too dramatic?

OK – thank you Rori for answering me. And any others on here please help me.

Elsie

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 7:25am
449: Tam says:

I was with Curly yesterday and we saw a ca 60 year old woman with face and body according to her age and boobs of a 20 year old, up to her chin…in an itsy bitsy bikini. I felt so bad for her because the only way of describing how she looked was: grotesque.
I kind of stared like you stare at the blood and guts in a horror movie – just because it’s kind of fascinating, and you can’t look away.
Curly let out a hissing sound….and looked at me and said ‘I am a lucky man because everything about you is real, your mind and your body. I feel very safe with you’.
Aw. I liked that.
Mind you, he had his fair share of women try to metro-sexualise him….ha ha…good luck with that.
There is no way that man can be turned into a pretty boy who colours his hair or shaves his body….and I think that’s so great. I am not much for hairy men, but I am even less for those who are over-groomed.
So I take the hairy and grey any day….
I love that we are on the same page with that.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 7:35am
450: NewfMom says:

@ Tam: Wow – what an amazing thing to hear! I would feel *so* good to hear that from my man!

Yay!!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 7:38am
451: Tam says:

445 NewfMom..thank you
Yes, he is very good with words, he tells me all the time how fab I am, that I am a Goddess, the Prize (I swear he reads Rori’s stuff..hehe)…that he has never found anyone like me before….that he wants me forever, that he wants to wake up with me every single day..etc etc. And when I look at him, it’s quite clear that he means it – right now anyway.
I am almost getting a little blase about this but I am really developing quite a big head. So this morning he said that he can’t believe how lucky he is, I replied with a wink: ‘yep, and don’t forget it’ .
And I find that really funny, because that’s not really me. Or maybe it is now?
Ha!
Yes, he is bloody lucky to have someone like me around!!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 7:50am
452: Lori says:

Good morning ladies! He called me this morning just to talk. When I saw him come up on my cell, I thought he was calling because he picked up the blanket. I used a Rori line and said “It’s so good to hear your voice”. His tone lowered (mine had) and he said “thank you”. After a bit, I asked if he had gotten it. He’s picking it up later. So he called just to talk! Yay me! I then told him that I would still like to get together to talk, he said he’d like to too and suggested next week as he will be out of town for a couple of days this week.

As we were talking and laughing, he said he was just playing with me. I responded flirtatiously and told him he could play with me any time he liked. He jumped all over that one. hahaha.

Then he mentioned that he really liked my picture change. I didn’t realize what he was talking about so he explained. We both have gmail and I had changed my profile picture on it. He said that when he hovers his cursor over my name, my picture shows. He really liked it and said that I looked pretty. Hmm, since he hasn’t emailed me in several days, he’s obviously been looking and noticed. I only changed it yesterday.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 8:29am
453: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Mercedes. Now I know just in case I decide to try it out.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 8:32am
454: Femininewoman says:

Yayyyy Lori

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 8:33am
455: Mercedes says:

Lori: One of the coolest things ever is when a man calls just to talk. Awesome!!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 8:35am
456: NewfMom says:

Lori – NICE!!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 8:37am
457: Lori says:

Thanks ladies! I was really happy to hear from him and that he didn’t have a specific reason as to why he was calling, made it even better.

He’ll be picking up the blanket later and I know he’ll call again.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 8:47am
458: Mercedes says:

I’m trying not to get too excited. J and I are going to look at a new house tomorrow. This place is HUGE and BEAUTIFUL and in a much better neighborhood and…to top it off…has my DREAM kitchen! (I LOVE to cook!!!)

I’m excited! I’m trying not to be but I can’t help it! I must believe that whatever we end up doing it will be for the best and I must remember that no matter what this home has to offer, the one we currently live in is very nice too.

I want the wondering part to be over. I want to know if I’m moving or not. I want to know NOW!!!!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 8:50am
459: Lori says:

That will be so fun!! Keeping my fingers crossed for you! Kitchens are my favorite part of the house.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 8:52am
460: Mercedes says:

Lori: Mine too! Well…it’s a cross between that and the master bedroom/bathroom. That’s important too. But the kitchen….yeah…I can totally see myself cooking in this one!

Actually, even if we don’t buy it, it will be fun to look! We’ve looked at houses before (without the intent to buy, just the intent to begin looking for what we like/don’t like in a home) and it was so much fun. I’ll try to think of this house in that same way. It’s so much fun to just look!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 8:55am
461: Lori says:

Me too, kitchen and then master bedroom/bathroom.

Ladies, am I reading too much into his phone call? I don’t think so. He called just to talk since we hadn’t talked since last Tuesday and there were a few texts on Weds morning. I’ve totally leaned back. We were light hearted, teasing and talking.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:01am
462: Mercedes says:

Lori: I don’t think you can guess what the phone call might or might not mean but maybe you can just bask in the happiness of knowing he was thinking of you and he called. Beyond that, he’ll show you what it all means in his own time.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:04am
463: Butterfly Wings says:

440 FW – just as Mercedes said, they actually feel quite natural. More than I expected!

I’m still healing of course, so they’ll get softer and more natural looking over time.

I’m totally in love with them! My daughter says I don’t look much bigger than I did while wearing an uncomfy padded bra, and that makes me REALLY happy!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:07am
464: Lori says:

True. I am very happy that he called just because he was thinking of me. I did tell him after about 10 minutes in a very smiley way that I missed him. He said “I miss you too”.

He’s so busy, ridiculously busy that his taking 20 minutes to call me means a lot.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:08am
465: BeLoved says:

Several experiences have come together over the past several days and
today I could see
how feeling ashamed of my weakness
and neediness,
feelings of unworthiness
blinded me from seeing how I was causing pain to other people with
mixed signals
manipulation

I apologized to C and told him I was sorry for confusing him and for letting him believe I was ok with things that I wasn’t really okay with
that I was lying to myself because I didn’t believe I deserved or could get or could ask for anything more
(I’m still not sure I do but I’m closer to allowing and believing that than before)
I was sorry for blaming him for something I was doing to myself
I conveniently ‘forgot’ certain things I said and did
then “couldn’t understand” why things hurt so much and why I felt so confused and obsessed.

Yesterday I laid up on the couch with my imaginary soulmate and coccooned in a blanket and cuddled adn babied myself most of the day.
I feel so much kinder toward myself today.
I feel a twist in my heart and yet I feel soft, as if even the air around me feels soft and gentle and loving toward me.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:27am
466: Smile says:

Mercedes that is so exciting! It is my dream to own my own home! Especially with a great kitchen

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:28am
467: Smile says:

Tam loving the updates

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:29am
468: Smile says:

I feel a lot more pressure interacting with men from match than in everyday life guys you have met as there is more intent the like you know people are looking for relationships.
Which is great and the reason I am there but I feel like it’s starting to become something more with amb cd and at what point do you stop actively looking for other dates???

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:35am
469: Turquoise says:

Sweetheart told me he loves me…. Wow, feels wonderful, and has been a long time.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:35am
470: Smile says:

I would really appreciate some advice around this and circular dating. At what point do you stop actively seeking dates when you feel like a guy is stepping up more and more? I get when he offers exclusive with the intention of a committed relationship but as things got more I would circular date in other ways not by actively seeking dates? What do you sirens think?

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:38am
471: Mercedes says:

Thanks Smile! I do love the home we have now but I don’t love the kitchen (at all). I want something open to the rest of the house so when the kids are all here and everyone is watching a movie or playing video games, etc, then I’m not hanging out by myself in the kitchen but instead, we are all part of each other and we’re all together.

Mostly when I’m cooking and it’s just the two of us, J comes into the kitchen with me but it would be so much nicer if everything was open and…well…just open. lol I love it when rooms flow together and there isn’t much separation with walls. That’s what I want more than anything. And this place we’re looking at has all that.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:38am
472: Smile says:

Aw turquoise that is lovely

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:38am
473: Smile says:

Mercedes, All my apartments have been open plan, yes it feels great to have one big living space. It’s much more sociable too. Although my dad likes a separate kitchen to keep out the cooking smells lol! But I love the smell of cooking!

I wrote it in my letter about having my dream home, I’m sure it is manifesting away!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:41am
474: Mercedes says:

Smile: When I was doing it I accepted dates from other men long after J was stepping up. I sort of left it up to him to make sure I didn’t have time to date other men. He literally reached the point where he wanted to be with me every night and sometimes I had to tell him no just so I could stay home and do laundry and relax with some me time. I did date other men until he filled up so much of my time that the other men stopped asking me out because I kept having to say “I’m sorry, I already have plans”.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:41am
475: Smile says:

Feel like I’m not wanting to go on dates incase the guys stick. I only want one guy to stick. I’m a one guy girl. But I get keeping open to other men and being able to walk away when it doesn’t feel good. I’m just going round in circles with this and I can’t stop.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:43am
476: Mercedes says:

You know what Smile? I think I wrote that in my letter too! I can’t remember for sure but I think so! Unfortunately the letter is sealed and I won’t know until next year. lol

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:43am
477: Smile says:

Mercedes how did you tell him you were going on other dates?

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:44am
478: Mercedes says:

What do you mean “in case the guys stick”? I don’t think I understand. Like in case they all like you a lot? Or in case they all step up?

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:45am
479: Lori says:

I’m on cloud nine that he called just to talk this morning. Nothing specific. Just talk and tease. I’m going to continue to do what I’m doing.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:46am
480: Dominique says:

Elsie – How about learning how to “hear him” in the way HE expresses his love to you. They may not be words coming our of his mouth, but he IS telling you.

Anyone can say anything at anytime which may or may not carry meaning. Actions speak far louder, the way he looks at you, touches you, caresses you, does things for you, looks out for you.

This means SO much more.

This was a hard lesson for me, and I feel very thankful I learned it. K may rarely say the words, yet he tells me every day, many times a day, how he feels about me, how he adores me and cherishes me.

xxoo

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:47am
481: Smile says:

Incase the guy sticks, like keeps asking me out and wants to kiss…
I’m okay with going on a coffee date but then the next time they want to hold your hand then kiss. I don’t want to stop them but it would feel awful to go on a date and hold a guys hand when your in a small town and the guy you like the most could see you out on a date?

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:49am
482: Starla says:

qz had to leave last night quickly after we had sex… he was already a good hour or two behind schedule and it was getting colder and colder (like 0 degrees Fahrenheit) and the heat in his car doesn’t work so his windshield frosts over at night while he’s driving the hour back home, and he also is super cold obviously.

i took it personally. i did. i felt so hormonal after sex and i could tell he was afraid i would take it personally, which fueled my sensitivity and taking it personally. i just shared how i felt, and he went to great lengths to make sure i knew it wasn’t personal. but i could tell he was terrified i was gonna freak out. and that made it SEEM like it was personal.

anyway, i decided to let it go (when in doubt, wait…), and when he got home an hour later, he texted me about how i’m the girl of his dreams, and then called this morning to leave an even SAPPIER voice mail, hehe. he is doing everything in his power to make sure i feel safe and sexure, and i feel so blessed and lucky.

but wow was i triggered. i still kind of am triggered. sex triggers me. i don’t want to be abandoned, and i usually manage this fear well on my own, but after sex i feel very very vulnerable!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:49am
483: Mercedes says:

Well…it was a little different for me. lol. I was very, very angry when I first started dating other men so I made it perfectly clear I would be dating anyone besides him. lol. When I did let him back into my life, I simply told him that nothing was going to change and that I was enjoying dating lots of men and having different and new experiences and that I wasn’t planning on changing that just because I also agreed to have dinner with him.

Outside of my situation, I highly recommend Rori’s “no girlfriend speech” as I think that pretty much clears it up for any man. It tells him you intend to date until you have the relationship you want because you don’t want to be a girlfriend, you want to be in a fully committed relationship with XYZ before you “take yourself off the market”. XYZ = whatever you want (marriage, an engagement, buying a home together, etc).

To me, that speech is very direct and let’s a man know exactly what your plans are so there is no element of “cheating”.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:50am
484: Smile says:

I’m feeling like while the cat is away… I will go on dates. If amb was not on holiday I would not have been back on match.

He’s been texting me lots too whilst he’s away. I love that he’s thinking about me whilst on an ace holiday he would have so much other stuff to think about.

I know he wants to take me out for valentines day and stay over and cook for me when he gets back. It will have been 2 months then.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:51am
485: Starla says:

this man is just showering me with affection and gifts and gestures. he’s really the best. i kind of feel guilty because i see how much money he’s spending on me driving and hour each way to see me and buying my meals and movie tickets and what not… it all really adds up.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:52am
486: Heart says:

sexure ….LOL starla

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:56am
487: Mercedes says:

Smile: I think it would be a lot harder in a small town (I’m from a VERY small town but live in Houston now so that’s much better/easier for me) but that really is where the honesty comes in. To me, it’s okay if he sees you out as long as you’ve been honest about the fact that you ARE dating other men. How he feels about seeing you with another man is something he’ll have to deal with and not something you should have to take care of for him. I’m all for honesty all the way around.

As far as kissing/holding hands/getting at all intimate…I suggest you do what feels good at the time and you know that what feels good leads you to the path of other things that feel good and on and on until you have everything you want.

Starla: I love your word “sexure”. I think you probably meant “secure” but I like “sexure” better.

Much Love,
Mercedes

PS: There is a new post up!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:57am
488: Starla says:

*secure

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:59am
489: Smile says:

Thanks mercedes, yes I want to put my energy into creating fun magical moments that naturally progress the relationship forward and I definitely do no want to take myself off the Market so to speak, until i have committment etc, especially as he is not yet divorced.

Okay so if I carry on seeing others then how do you see balancing creating a relationship if say you have 2 guys who both want to progress things to like holding your hand and kissing you etc. Whilst I know I want to be sexually exclusive with amb cd as we have slept together once. Should you be doing this with more than one guy?

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:59am
490: Smile says:

Just saw your other post mercedes thank you

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 10:00am
491: Mercedes says:

Starla: ” i kind of feel guilty because i see how much money he’s spending on me driving and hour each way to see me and buying my meals and movie tickets and what not… it all really adds up.”

I would try to trust that he, as an adult man, knows the best way to deal with his finances and that he’ll adjust as needed without my input or worry or guilty feelings.

I’m going through some of this right now. The house we’re looking at is a lot of money and I’m just trusting J to know what he can and can’t handle and that he’ll make the right decision with that information in mind. I can’t control his finances and I can’t make suggestions about money with him (because it’s HIS money so it really is none of my business) and so I simply trust that he knows what is best.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 10:01am
492: Smile says:

Mercedes, when I started dating amb cd I wasn’t seeing anyone else, they had dropped off. He also never asked so it hasn’t come up.
I want to be honest but not sure how to bring it up. Dominque shared her link on choosing trust which I love so I don’t have to worry about him and who he is dating and I’m comfortable with that but how do I just bring it up that I’m dating… I assume he assumes I prob am but I want to be clear and honest. Maybe when he comes back from holiday and he asks what I’ve been up to I can tell him?

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 10:12am
493: Tam says:

Smile, I kind of have the same dilemma. Curly is trying to monopolise my time but I don’t want to get into it so quick…at the same time it feels bad to see other guys, like Chubby, he really likes me and started to get a bit touchy….I am glad he did not try to kiss me.
I feel doing physical stuff with other men would undermine the budding relationship. It would make me run easier if a problem showed up..’there’s penty of fish in the sea’…at the same time I feel like there aren’t many fish like this one.
I don’t know.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 10:21am
494: Tam says:

Besides, I am showered with so much attention, affection, conversation, sex and whatever else, that I don’t even have energy/time to see another guy and certainly no desire for anything else. If anything I just want time by myself.
Next weekend he has already asked for both days and it’s almost too much for me, ha!!
I don’t have time for anyone else really, I need time for me!!!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 10:30am
495: Smile says:

Hi tam, were on the new thread.

I get keeping my options open etc but I’m not sure I feel comfortable with actually dating others yet. I want to be though. He might not be my one or withdraw like strummingman did although circumstances are very different etc. But I want to create moments and put energy into it.

There are deal breakers for me with amb cd like you have with curly like, he smokes cigars occasionally, he is married and might not want to again and he has debt. But I seem to nd ok with this. Then s guy comes along who wants all the things I do ect with no deal breakers and I still prefer amb cd because of the way he makes me feel and the energy he gives me.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 10:33am
496: Smile says:

Ha yes, before amb cd went away I only saw him for a few weeks as I had no other time to see anyone else. It’s only because he is away that I’m dating others.
Amb cd even wanted me to go to the airport with him and have a coffee lol but I didn’t, although I thought it cute he wanted everylast minute with me

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 10:36am
497: Femininewoman says:

Starla I loved the new/unique word.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 10:45am
498: Michele says:

I am proud of you. I know it is hard to leave a toxic relationship. I took years to figure out how to leave. Like you, he crosses my mind sometimes – so my mantra is repeating how I felt being with him, and how lonely I was. Try to remember that history repeats itself, and most prominently in those toxic men who think they are right all the time – they don’t have to change. I would focus your smiles on his new friend rather then him. She is most likely as tormented and lonely as you were with him. I have completed a few of these programs and I stay on my bridge now, and keep focused on the happy ever after. I am seeing a wonderful loving man now, and he too does his man cave thing. I don’t tolerate mistreatment anymore – I make it very clear that if he wants to be alone, then just tell me and I will be ok with whatever happens. I make my own happiness.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 11:30am
499: Daria says:

Tam I wonder where you judge yourself as grotesque ?

The tool that says judging others means I’m judging myself gets me to some unbelievable shifts everytime.

And I’m just so comfortable holding those judgements… They just make sense…

But it always turns out I was judging / and hurting myself anyways.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 12:07pm
500: Dominique says:

Smile – 487 – Why? Unless he asks, why would you need to mention this? Are you looking to him to make you feel bad? Wrong? Something else? Until he claims you in exculsivity, you are a free woman, free to see whomever you wish.

xxoo

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 12:20pm
501: Violette says:

C took me on a wonderful trip out of town this weekend! We did cultural things, ate well, the hotel was darling. He was bending over backwards to please me…I have discomfort over some things (especially the sex) but it was amazing to be treated that way. He is crazy about me.
Then last night I saw D, who I like very much too. We slept together for the first time, and it was totally great. What a relief after the awkwardness with C…
So now I’m seeing two great guys in what feels like a semi serious way. For today, I feel adored and beautiful, satisfied and happy.

J creeps into my mind…I haven’t heard from him since I saw him last Tues, when I contacted him. And I am very disappointed, it reminds me a little of Newfmom’s post, how he got so intense then pulled away. I want to forget him, let it go, and break up with him if he calls again…or…stay open if I hear from him again? Receive what he has to give? I feel torn. Does anyone relate or have insight on that one?

The most important thing is to take all this dating as lightly as I can right now.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 12:30pm
502: Elsie says:

#475 – Dominique – Thank you – both you and Rori were the only ones that answered me!!!! Thank you!!!!!!

I have lurked here so long and its nice to have my feelings finally out there haha!

I think your observation is spot on correct. I need to hear him the way he speaks his love to me. Today he took me to buy $90 work out pants that he knew I couldnt afford. He got them for me as a Christmas present and we decided to wait and go together. Sooooo supportive. I have lost 60 pounds since last January – and he was the one that believed in me from the beginning.

He teared up today talking about how awesome he thinks I am – and that means so much.

But then like last night we were texting and he abruptly stopped and I dont like that – I like more words of affirmation I guess. (LIke all the time every second haha!!!!)

If anyone else has any thoughts – my original post is at #93 or #94 I cant remember haha!

Thanks!

Elsie

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 4:09pm
503: Tam says:

494..Daria, ummm. No. I love my body and it’s perfect for me…the word grotesque enters my mind when I see botoxed stretched skin and people unable to smile (it looks painful and like a mask from a horror film, depending how badly it is done) – I saw a man like that a few weeks ago which totally freaked me out….I wondered if I would get nightmares actually. I kept thinking his skin would crack open any moment. It’s not funny…it looked painful
And when I see what I saw with that lady yesterday….I felt so freaked out by it and full of compassion for her. It looked like something some extra terrestrial had put together really – just wrong and odd….
To me it looked grotesque. I don’t know if this is a judgment or just an observation. I see plenty of fake bodies that look good/ok actually. But the botched up ones…yikes…it’s sad actually.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 6:27pm
504: Natalina says:

I have wondered a lot about moving on, my life has not been bold enough to have many relationships that did not end in one of the two of us leaving the state, (sometimes without notice) I always felt bad about that- not having enough backbone- and that feeling of self loathing getting over it, then somehow getting into another similar situation. I think I have learned a lot, cerebrally- but still not strong in the field work department. I got married to the first new guy that came around and I thought I was so brave, completly changed my life and perspective. I am still in that place where I ask myself daily…can I live with this? while at the same time I puff out my chest to the world somehow thinking if I protect him from society what I say will really be true. I think a lot of my descisions were made in anger though deciding to get married, especially that decision- but on the flip side, I dont think I would have allowed myself to break away from what I grew up beleiving and have gotten the experiences that I have had. seems to be a two edge sword. now I feel super empowered that I can run my own life, and yet super small…because my husband doesnt really seem to care, and I am alone. just in another arena. it is difficult not to see yourself as a screwup when the world wants to remind you of that. I read that post about TOP MODEL Jade- that really helped. At least be on your own team to accept yourself. that helped me start to see expansion – a bigger Natalina, dancing in the stars.

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 8:16pm
505: Radlove says:

Hi!

I’ve been really busy with surviving, job hunting and getting my business up and running. No time for dating. But I love you all and miss you!

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:06pm
506: Christina says:

I just went through the same thing. The only difference was we were only together for a year. I am having a hard time moving on. Any advise so I don’t spend 4 months crying over someone that does not deserve my tears?

Monday, 14 January 2013 @ 9:12pm
507: Femininewoman says:

((((((((((((Natalina)))))))))))
WelcomEe

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 4:29am
508: Dominique says:

Elsie – The more you focus on what you DO like about him, the rest will tend to melt away. And when he does do do or say something you love, eg. texting or saying something sweet, you tell him how GOOD this feels. “I LOVE when you say…..I feel so special (insert whatever adjective you prefer)”

Men want to make you happy, so reinforcing the things you gives you more of this. Criticizing a man for what he’s not doing, is likely going to get you less, or maybe you’ll get it but at what cost. No one like to be told what to do or what to say.

xxoo

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 7:12am
509: Lori says:

He picked up the box with the blanket last night. He said he would open it and call this morning but hasn’t yet. I know this will sound silly, I feel silly even voicing it but I’m concerned that he doesn’t like it.

I’m fighting with myself to keep from calling him.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 8:25am
510: Dominique says:

Breathe, breathe, breathe, Lori, and let those expectations and fears go. You made the blanket for you because it made YOU feel good to do so. You cannot control anything from there.

xxoo

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 8:43am
511: Femininewoman says:

Lori isn’t it amazing the tricks our minds play on us? I so appreciate what you are going through right now.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 8:46am
512: Lori says:

sigh, so true. I need to step back. Yes, I’m automatically thinking the worst.

Thanks for the input and reminders ladies.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 9:20am
513: k2012 says:

Hey ladies, I have a question. I am speaking to overseas cd now? I really enjoy talking to him. Should I tell him or what? I am leaving everything up to him cause as u know, I am seeking other options till someone steps up. Is it wise to tell him that I enjoy talking to him or I should just keep quiet about that. I would really appreciate ur advice ladies. Waiting to hear from u.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 11:51am
514: Lori says:

I’m trying to not kick myself but I caved and sent him a text asking if he’d opened it. He said yes and he would call me in 20 minutes. Ugh, smacking myself. I’ve done so well up until now.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 11:56am
515: Lori says:

So he called. He absolutely loves, loves the blanket. We had a great talk including talking about our kids.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 12:18pm
516: Lori says:

He’s coming forward, I’m going to continue to lean back and let him come to me. He wants to talk to my oldest son this evening about career choices. My oldest is 25 and has two directions he’s thinking of. It’s a guy thing. That my guy is stepping up and into the position to talk to my kids, is like, wow!

I sent him a text and told him that my son would be calling him later this afternoon and that I thought he was amazing. Thank you. He responded with XO.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 12:27pm
517: k2012 says:

Hey Lori, that’s good news to know that ur guy is coming around and even wants to talk to ur son about careers. That’s a good sign and shows interest.Great. I would like your opinion on the question I asked above. Right above your post. Thanks.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 12:46pm
518: Lori says:

Thanks k2012. There is nothing wrong with telling him that you enjoy your conversations. Rori says that we should let them know when they are doing something well. For instance, when he calls “it’s so good to hear your voice”. When you are ending the call “Thank you for calling, I enjoyed our talk”. It doesn’t mean you are closing out options. You’re just recognizing that he’s done something well..

Tuesday, 15 January 2013 @ 12:50pm
519: Rori Raye says:

Thank you all for this amazing flood of care and help for Scarlett….Love, Rori

Wednesday, 16 January 2013 @ 1:50pm
520: tracey says:

Dearest Rori,

My life is utter chaos!! I know I dug my own hole. I am divorced. After my divorce, I had to move in with my mother. Well a year ago, I started dating this man. We were dating for a few weeks. When my mother kicked me out of her house. So, the man that I was seeing let me move in with him. We lived together for several months. I did all the housework, cooking and cleaning. He even owned a business, I helped with his bookwork. All the duties as a wife…EXCEPT the I LOVE YOU’s… Well, after a few months of living together, he sat me down one day. He broke up with me! I was crushed! I had no place to go! He said I could stay as long as I needed. HOwever, we would be able to start seeing other people. I thought this was crazy! But I agreed. WE made a few rules. NO dates in the house. Well he started dating his high school friend. I met someone online. WE dated a few times. THEN, he became angry with me..tried to KICK me out of the house! So, I broke things off with the guy I was seeing. I found a job. THings were starting to look good for me. But the employer was just trying to get thru me to him. So they let me go. My EX was getting ready for a date..the day I lost my job. I was upset…my cell phone rings. This guy is on the other end! Trying to convince me to goto out with him!! He says you have to eat right?!?!? So I finally agree! Long story short, I meet this guy..we have a great relationship for 3 months….until he breaks up with me! I had fallen in love with the guy who convinced me to go out with him! I am still living with my EX! The night that the guy I love breaks up with me…is the night that my Roommate/EX boyfriend goes out on a first date! 3 months later…he confesses to me that he loves her!! BUT he wasn’t truthful to her..because the following morning of there first date! I told him that my guy and I broke up. He invited me back into his bed! We were sleeping together and having sex for several months. UNTIL I told him ENOUGH!!! I cut him off for GOOD!! Then one night he was at her house. I was texting him. HE said that she was reading the texts. SO, I said “did you tell her the night that you brought her to the house that I was still sleeping in your bed?” NO REPLY from him. Then I texted. “DID you tell her that, YOU and I were still having sex until 12/24/2012?” No reply! Needless to say he came home mad. He said She wasn’t mad about what I was texting. She was mad that I continued to text!!!!!! Him and I had an agruement after Christmas, I told him I wasn’t going to be his SEX CRUTCH anymore. So that he could like a nice guy for his new woman! She has no idea that he sleeps NAKED. That 5 am one morning I caught him standing over me…searching for something. I asked him what was wrong. He said nothing! When I was dating the guy I was in love with. I came home from a date. He (roommate/ex) was drunk and tried to kiss me. I reminded him that; That he wanted the break-up. He also would come up into my room naked! BUT he never got anything from me!!! UNTIL I broke-up with my boyfriend.

Currently….I am in the process of getting my own place and moving out of this house. I am extremely hurt as how he has treated me. HE didn’t buy me anything for Christmas. BUT had the GUTS to ask me to help WRAP her gift!!!! He has NO RESPECT for my feelings what so ever!!! During our relationship, I let him walk all over me. I was terrified, that I wouldn’t have a place to live. NOW I COULD CARELESS!!

Wednesday, 16 January 2013 @ 2:42pm
521: Sensiouswoman says:

Tracey, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this pain. I hope things ease up for you soon and you have clarity about how great you are. Too good a person to settle for a relationship that you do not want.

I can’t say enough how having the point of view that Rori teaches us, having the relationship that you want, has helped to pull me out of the drama and disappointment to just feeling the very easy and cut and dried reality that I was in the type of the relationship that I did not want {the focus being on the quality and type of relationship rather than the person}.. my now former boyfriend was a sweet man who said he loved me.. but he did not include me in his life. After attempting to convey to him in the last few weeks, through feeling messages, that his actions did not match up with his words I have told him that I wished him well but this was not the relationship that I wanted and I am moving forward.

I had not quit circular dating while seeing this man.. but he was really grabbing my heart.. His heart though seems only to be connected to his “member” and not really to me.

It is soooo liberating to be able to cut things off so completely and knowing that I have given him a clear message and even a way back to me if he were to choose to actually be in my life.

But this “I love you” bit and staying so detached is not for me.

I feel free.. and light.. Got back on track with my weight watchers.. it is gonna be a great week!!!!

Tuesday, 29 January 2013 @ 11:13am

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