Here’s a great story (and I consider it a success story…) from Lindsay–>>
I have been reading your articles for probably a year and as I read each one it seems like you are speaking directly to me and my life. With your help and the help of other advice I pulled myself through a relationship “break-up” which I thought was a relationship break-down.” This is my condensed story.
I had been with a man for 8 years. Both of us were divorced and we dated and stuck together through raising three boys of my own and his two girls. Of course, we never moved in together but in my heart and mind I thought one day we would be married. Through the years we argued on numerous occasions because in my mind he was a “liar.”
He would constantly not answer his phone, he often not tell me the whole truth about his plans and many times he would be out of town without me ever knowing. He was very comfortable because he knew I had sons living with me and would not or could not “drift” because of my responsibilities.
Well, as my kids finished school and began moving out, his ways never changed. The last year of our relationship was a nightmare, the arguing increased and in December I found out that he was in contact by phone, email and also sent gifts to his “college sweetheart”. Did he tell me the whole truth about that, no.
Also, at the time I found out that one of my dear friends whom I confided in was on a daily contact with him revealing my inner feelings to him. My God, it was more than I could handle, but I could not bring myself to give him up, instead he gave me up. Two weeks later, he is in another relationship and has been with this person for 6 months.
For 4 months, I was close to a depression, I cried everyday for 4 months, could not sleep, could not get him out of my mind and could not understand why God was not helping me only him. That’s when I did so much reading, church everyday, looking for advice, help or something to get me through this.
Finally, my birthday was June 1 and I woke up and said to myself, this is a new year for you Lindy, no more tears, its time to move on. Four days later, I met a man or better yet a “gentleman” whom I have been seeing since then. Our relationship is so comfortable and easy compared to my last.
But I can’t honestly say that I am completely over my 8 year relationship. I have not seen or talked to him for 5 months and then lately in the last two weeks he and his new girlfriend have been to a few of the same functions that me and my new friend have attended.
On both occasions, I have told him hello with a smile on my face and he looks at me as if he has so much anger towards me. That is what I can’t understand. I was the one devastated, who cried for months, did not go out in public other than barely making it to work and I don’t harbor the anger, he does.
Please help me to understand because the only reasoning I get is that he was never wrong in the 8 years we were together and I guess he doesn’t feel he is wrong for treating me that way today. I do know that and thank God everyday that he kept us from meeting before now, I don’t know how I would have felt about seeing him with another woman, but today I know I was strong and had come a long way because my heart did not hurt.
I would sincerely appreciate any advice or comment you can send to me. The only advice I can give to other women, it does get better in time and there is a reason and a plan. At the time when your life is falling apart you can’t see it but as the days go by things become clearer.
Today, as I look back, I thought my life could not go on without him in it, but much to my surprise I have a new life, new happiness, and relief knowing that I can wake up in the morning not expecting to hear a lie or game played behind my back.
We all have crosses to carry in life, I know this was not my first and it won’t be my last, but what I have learned is that I am moving on without him and most importantly I do as well deserve to smile.
Note From Rori:
I want to thank you for your story…and to applaud you for all you’ve done for yourself, and to encourage you to know this is a part of your “toxic” past…and that, of course, you will continue to have feelings you don’t like and don’t understand…but that’s just not important!!!
What’s important is that you keep working for YOU…to have the life and love you want…and don’t let the unpleasant stuff that comes up pull you down.
My programs and book are full of Tools to help you go THROUGH these things instead of trying to conquer them…