Comments on: What To Do When You Feel Rejected http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/what-to-do-when-you-feel-rejected/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:37:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=1551 By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/what-to-do-when-you-feel-rejected/comment-page-1/#comment-8521 Rori Raye Wed, 15 Apr 2009 21:08:12 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=160#comment-8521 Welcome, Trudy, and I wouldn't know where to start talking! Just absorb as much as you can from these posts and comments and my free eletters - and please start with at least the ebook - Have The Relationship You Want - so you can work on the "basics." From there - we'll all help direct you to the next program for you. If you can, I always recommend "Reconnect Your Relationship" first - and then Modern Siren anjd Targeting Mr. Right, but you may need a different order. Love, Rori Welcome, Trudy, and I wouldn’t know where to start talking! Just absorb as much as you can from these posts and comments and my free eletters – and please start with at least the ebook – Have The Relationship You Want – so you can work on the “basics.” From there – we’ll all help direct you to the next program for you. If you can, I always recommend “Reconnect Your Relationship” first – and then Modern Siren anjd Targeting Mr. Right, but you may need a different order. Love, Rori

]]> By: Trudy http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/what-to-do-when-you-feel-rejected/comment-page-1/#comment-8501 Trudy Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:43:08 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=160#comment-8501 please Rori I need some suggestions on what to do in my relationship. I'm so lost and confused and have no clue where to turn. please Rori I need some suggestions on what to do in my relationship. I’m so lost and confused and have no clue where to turn.

]]> By: Cynthia http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/what-to-do-when-you-feel-rejected/comment-page-1/#comment-7838 Cynthia Sat, 04 Apr 2009 06:22:08 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=160#comment-7838 HI My boyfriend, who has been withdrawing for some time now just left me an email asking if I could talk tomorrow( this morning now that it's 2 am) I have been leaning way back, did not return a phone call from him tonight which asked if I wanted some fresh bread from a local baker. ( he only said call if I wanted some and I didn't, and I'm feeling too emotional to talk). So hence the email which, since talking is his least favorite pastime, I am quite sure he wants to break up...after 4 years and very little rowing on his part. My question to any of you out there is....how do I handle myself in a dignified way tomorrow, If that is the case? I have already decided that I know longer want to stay in this relationship if he continues to withdraw every week for 2-3 days after 2-3 days of intimacy,,,but moreso because I have finally woken up to what he has been telling me for the last year....that he doesn't know why he doesn't feel it for me like he used to, that something doesn't feel right, that he feels numb. and that he hasn't told me he loved me, only once in the last 3 months. I feel angry that it has taken me so long to see this, and frustrated that I haven't been able to cut it off,,,,also angry that he has been willing to take so much, and offer so little, and then reject me all over ( he did it once last year for 3months) Ugh. Cynthia HI
My boyfriend, who has been withdrawing for some time now just left me an email asking if I could talk tomorrow( this morning now that it’s 2 am) I have been leaning way back, did not return a phone call from him tonight which asked if I wanted some fresh bread from a local baker. ( he only said call if I wanted some and I didn’t, and I’m feeling too emotional to talk). So hence the email which, since talking is his least favorite pastime, I am quite sure he wants to break up…after 4 years and very little rowing on his part. My question to any of you out there is….how do I handle myself in a dignified way tomorrow, If that is the case? I have already decided that I know longer want to stay in this relationship if he continues to withdraw every week for 2-3 days after 2-3 days of intimacy,,,but moreso because I have finally woken up to what he has been telling me for the last year….that he doesn’t know why he doesn’t feel it for me like he used to, that something doesn’t feel right, that he feels numb. and that he hasn’t told me he loved me, only once in the last 3 months. I feel angry that it has taken me so long to see this, and frustrated that I haven’t been able to cut it off,,,,also angry that he has been willing to take so much, and offer so little, and then reject me all over ( he did it once last year for 3months)
Ugh.
Cynthia

]]> By: Sharon http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/what-to-do-when-you-feel-rejected/comment-page-1/#comment-1504 Sharon Sun, 23 Nov 2008 00:45:35 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=160#comment-1504 Need your advise Rorie: I met a guy on match about four months ago... he wrote me first and well i knew I was attracted to him and then he called me and I knew even more I was attracted to him. I am 49 years old; he is 50. Neither of us have been married or have children. I live in the city; he lives in the suburb... at first we talked on the phone maybe 2 or three times a week... then he disappeared for about 3 weeks and then he called me just like that... I was dating and so I did not think that much about it... then he started calling me more often and we finally met and we hit it off great.... the chemistry between us was very strong... we kissed passionately on the first night of meeting. He continued to call me and we one another again a few days later... messed around some. He came over to my place, but took me out to dinner first... then he stopped calling me and disappeared for like a week or two? And then he calls me again... well, I told him I was going out on date ... and so he soon wants to see me again.. I told him I joined this expensive matchmaking service (I was off match then) cost me $3,500 and he wanted to help me get my money back because I told him I was not happy and I was not Rorie.. I went out on two dates and they were nothing what I wanted or asked for. He and I had sex just like that only once and well then he would call me every night and help me during the day too to get my money back with this service.... everything was happening fast.. I was really starting to like him, but I could tell I was getting angry inside me because I saw him on match alot... and I knew from the beginning that he was not exclusive material.. he told me that, but I told him I was. He told me he would not do anything that would go over that boundary that we each had, but when we had sex, I thought he would want me more... he did act like it from calling me often, but he continued on match ... and well so did I and I kept dating guys though I only did it because I knew I needed to ---- so I did not think of him all the time... he would ask me... so were you out on a date. Okay, so we ended up getting an argument and he hung up on me for something I said. I did not call him back that evening, but the next day I e-mailed him and apologized to him and he said "you're just mean"... I was hurting because I felt I lost him... he was on match alot now... and searching big time.. I felt him pull away.. so then I pushed him away more and told him good-bye and I did not want anything to do with him anymore... well, he sent me a letter the next day to this company to try and get my money back ... I told him that he did not have to do this anymore. He said that we are not compatible, but that he was invested in helping me and he wanted to continue to help me... so that is what is happening to date, but it is strictly just that... helping me get my money back. My question is... I want to cut off all correspondence with him because I know he is with someone else... he found someone that he is interested in, but yet, he is being my helper too.. though I do not contact him unless he does so first and only on helping me get my money back....but I am jealous because right now I am not dating anyone... I no one is even biting (i am on match). I really would like my money back from the matchmaking service because it was way too much money to spend... but I don't want to give up now because we are almost done with the dispute .. just one more letter to my credit card company and then we wait it out and see.... but I almost want to just drop the entire thing because maybe the service would do me good .... but I don't want to go back on my word to this guy helping me either... because then if there would be any hope at all in him wanting to perhaps like me again? then I would have blown it all... because he already feels I change my mind too much.... can not make up my mind.... Your thoughts Rorie would be truly appreciated. I am use to cutting off all correspondence to a man I know is not interested in me for what I need and want in a relationship, but like I said, I am only corresponding with him now because we may have that 50/50 chance of getting my money back... and he is helping me... and without his help I could not do it. But it hurts that he is happy and with someone else and does not pay attention to me at all anymore except only for this as well... it all happened just like that... I mean, he was searching through the whole time ... so obviously I was not what he wanted.... why does he still want to help me get my money back? Thank you Rorie for any advise and helping me..... Please answer me through my e-mail address. Need your advise Rorie: I met a guy on match about four months ago… he wrote me first and well i knew I was attracted to him and then he called me and I knew even more I was attracted to him. I am 49 years old; he is 50. Neither of us have been married or have children. I live in the city; he lives in the suburb… at first we talked on the phone maybe 2 or three times a week… then he disappeared for about 3 weeks and then he called me just like that… I was dating and so I did not think that much about it… then he started calling me more often and we finally met and we hit it off great…. the chemistry between us was very strong… we kissed passionately on the first night of meeting. He continued to call me and we one another again a few days later… messed around some. He came over to my place, but took me out to dinner first… then he stopped calling me and disappeared for like a week or two? And then he calls me again… well, I told him I was going out on date … and so he soon wants to see me again.. I told him I joined this expensive matchmaking service (I was off match then) cost me $3,500 and he wanted to help me get my money back because I told him I was not happy and I was not Rorie.. I went out on two dates and they were nothing what I wanted or asked for. He and I had sex just like that only once and well then he would call me every night and help me during the day too to get my money back with this service…. everything was happening fast.. I was really starting to like him, but I could tell I was getting angry inside me because I saw him on match alot… and I knew from the beginning that he was not exclusive material.. he told me that, but I told him I was. He told me he would not do anything that would go over that boundary that we each had, but when we had sex, I thought he would want me more… he did act like it from calling me often, but he continued on match … and well so did I and I kept dating guys though I only did it because I knew I needed to —- so I did not think of him all the time… he would ask me… so were you out on a date. Okay, so we ended up getting an argument and he hung up on me for something I said. I did not call him back that evening, but the next day I e-mailed him and apologized to him and he said “you’re just mean”… I was hurting because I felt I lost him… he was on match alot now… and searching big time.. I felt him pull away.. so then I pushed him away more and told him good-bye and I did not want anything to do with him anymore… well, he sent me a letter the next day to this company to try and get my money back … I told him that he did not have to do this anymore. He said that we are not compatible, but that he was invested in helping me and he wanted to continue to help me… so that is what is happening to date, but it is strictly just that… helping me get my money back. My question is… I want to cut off all correspondence with him because I know he is with someone else… he found someone that he is interested in, but yet, he is being my helper too.. though I do not contact him unless he does so first and only on helping me get my money back….but I am jealous because right now I am not dating anyone… I no one is even biting (i am on match). I really would like my money back from the matchmaking service because it was way too much money to spend… but I don’t want to give up now because we are almost done with the dispute .. just one more letter to my credit card company and then we wait it out and see…. but I almost want to just drop the entire thing because maybe the service would do me good …. but I don’t want to go back on my word to this guy helping me either… because then if there would be any hope at all in him wanting to perhaps like me again? then I would have blown it all… because he already feels I change my mind too much…. can not make up my mind….

Your thoughts Rorie would be truly appreciated. I am use to cutting off all correspondence to a man I know is not interested in me for what I need and want in a relationship, but like I said, I am only corresponding with him now because we may have that 50/50 chance of getting my money back… and he is helping me… and without his help I could not do it. But it hurts that he is happy and with someone else and does not pay attention to me at all anymore except only for this as well… it all happened just like that… I mean, he was searching through the whole time … so obviously I was not what he wanted…. why does he still want to help me get my money back? Thank you Rorie for any advise and helping me….. Please answer me through my e-mail address.

]]> By: ROX http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/what-to-do-when-you-feel-rejected/comment-page-1/#comment-1201 ROX Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:09:57 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=160#comment-1201 What about feelings when feeling rejected? When you man does not want to be touched for several nights or month? But loves you very much.. How do you read what is it? Business is one, finances? All the affection that was there the first 3 yrs seems to fade and not be like it was once.. The passion seems to be missing from him… what do you feel one needs to say or do to fire it back up again? How do you just say this to a man who has high blood pressure, impotent anyway? The careful words to choose to say with out showing disappointment… he is wonderful to me and loves me but I want the fire again the passion.. Do relationships really change that much when your both inyour late 50?s but as a couple for 3 yrs now? I am not familiar with relationships in the first place.. I want the sex everynite we can but I also understand sometimes that's not practical on his side but how do I bring it to him gracefully? Dressing up in play clothes do not seem to always work now and the toys we once did well we do not any longer either… can you advise? Trips are not the thing he travels. Dinner out or home do not seem to always work either.. Quiet fires an relaxation are good for us but then that seems to be it.. We wine an dine out and are always doing together when he is in town but how do I start the fire back in him? I understand men get relaxed in relationships and then the passion fades but I do not like that. I want the passion with out him feeling it is his lack of performance sometimes,,, what does one do to help a man along? Any ideas? What about feelings when feeling rejected? When you man does not want to be touched for several nights or month? But loves you very much.. How do you read what is it? Business is one, finances? All the affection that was there the first 3 yrs seems to fade and not be like it was once.. The passion seems to be missing from him… what do you feel one needs to say or do to fire it back up again? How do you just say this to a man who has high blood pressure, impotent anyway? The careful words to choose to say with out showing disappointment… he is wonderful to me and loves me but I want the fire again the passion.. Do relationships really change that much when your both inyour late 50?s but as a couple for 3 yrs now? I am not familiar with relationships in the first place.. I want the sex everynite we can but I also understand sometimes that’s not practical on his side but how do I bring it to him gracefully?
Dressing up in play clothes do not seem to always work now and the toys we once did well we do not any longer either… can you advise? Trips are not the thing he travels. Dinner out or home do not seem to always work either.. Quiet fires an relaxation are good for us but then that seems to be it.. We wine an dine out and are always doing together when he is in town but how do I start the fire back in him? I understand men get relaxed in relationships and then the passion fades but I do not like that. I want the passion with out him feeling it is his lack of performance sometimes,,, what does one do to help a man along? Any ideas?

]]> By: Jacky (Jacqueline Fenton) http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/what-to-do-when-you-feel-rejected/comment-page-1/#comment-945 Jacky (Jacqueline Fenton) Sun, 09 Nov 2008 20:23:25 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=160#comment-945 Dear Rori: - Update - I have been going to dances lately. My dream is to have my own dance studio and will teach everything from Classical Ballet to Salsa. Anyway, although I am not "circular dating" yet, when the right invitation comes, I AM READY. The support I have received and compliments too from members at the various Legions I have been to, rocked my boat (literally) so hard that my "Oars" went overboard. I replaced them along with the boat for a new sleek Motor Boat with DUAL controls. LOL. Now, if a man does not work his side of the boat, it just will not run, period, and we will never leave the dock. Rori, thank you again and again. Although I have my sad moments they are no longer crippling. My self esteem, positive outlook and eagerness to get more and more back into Life, (through your teachings), have me smiling with anticipation everyday. The "Magic" moment of complete understanding hit me like a ton of bricks after reading your message about "rowing the boat". Afterwards I went back and re-read all of your material and devoured every word in a new light. Keep up the good work, God Bless You Rori, Jacky Dear Rori: – Update -
I have been going to dances lately. My dream is to have my own dance studio and will teach everything from Classical Ballet to Salsa.
Anyway, although I am not “circular dating” yet, when the right invitation comes, I AM READY.
The support I have received and compliments too from members at the various Legions I have been to, rocked my boat (literally) so hard that my “Oars” went overboard. I replaced them along with the boat for a new sleek Motor Boat with DUAL controls. LOL. Now, if a man does not work his side of the boat, it just will not run, period, and we will never leave the dock.
Rori, thank you again and again. Although I have my sad moments they are no longer crippling. My self esteem, positive outlook and eagerness to get more and more back into Life, (through your teachings), have me smiling with anticipation everyday. The “Magic” moment of complete understanding hit me like a ton of bricks after reading your message about “rowing the boat”. Afterwards I went back and re-read all of your material and devoured every word in a new light.
Keep up the good work, God Bless You Rori,
Jacky

]]> By: Sasha http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/what-to-do-when-you-feel-rejected/comment-page-1/#comment-939 Sasha Sun, 09 Nov 2008 15:49:10 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=160#comment-939 Hi, my husband and I got married because of accident.(i got pregnant). He didnt love me at all, and until now he never loves me. Now, my baby is 7 months old. When I was expecting, he ever went seeing his ex and didn't care about my feelings. He often said that he didnt wanna get married actually. My heart really hurt. Until now, I just can keep this feeling inside. Sometimes I told him what I didn't like, but he seemed not care at all. He's player type who had many girls and affairs. how stupid I was why I didnt leave him before I got pregnant??? He's the type of flirty guy. I didnt like it! I ever told him that I need attention, I need to be hugged, I love romantic guy..but it never happen. Like any other normal women, I need attention, I need to be loved, I need to be hugged, I need to be treated gently. I am so depressed.. there's no need regretting what had happened, right? I love my son so much that I dont want to be apart from him. the questions on my head are Will I hurt him if I take him away from his Dad? Do I hurt my parents again if I get divorce? Can I make him love me? Do you agree if I get divorce? How do I tell him about this? I mean, I ever told him about it, but he thought I wasnt serious. please help me.. thank you so much :) God bless.. Hi,
my husband and I got married because of accident.(i got pregnant). He didnt love me at all, and until now he never loves me. Now, my baby is 7 months old. When I was expecting, he ever went seeing his ex and didn’t care about my feelings. He often said that he didnt wanna get married actually. My heart really hurt.
Until now, I just can keep this feeling inside. Sometimes I told him what I didn’t like, but he seemed not care at all. He’s player type who had many girls and affairs. how stupid I was why I didnt leave him before I got pregnant??? He’s the type of flirty guy. I didnt like it!
I ever told him that I need attention, I need to be hugged, I love romantic guy..but it never happen. Like any other normal women, I need attention, I need to be loved, I need to be hugged, I need to be treated gently.
I am so depressed..
there’s no need regretting what had happened, right?
I love my son so much that I dont want to be apart from him. the questions on my head are Will I hurt him if I take him away from his Dad? Do I hurt my parents again if I get divorce?
Can I make him love me?
Do you agree if I get divorce? How do I tell him about this? I mean, I ever told him about it, but he thought I wasnt serious.
please help me..
thank you so much :)
God bless..

]]> By: Lee http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/what-to-do-when-you-feel-rejected/comment-page-1/#comment-816 Lee Tue, 04 Nov 2008 22:01:28 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=160#comment-816 Hi Rori, It said to look for a link "here", but I was not sure what that meant. Anyway - I would love to be all those more girl things -- but if I do not call him and ask him if he wants to get together or something, then he does not call me. I mean, if he is already seeing someone else, he is not thinking about calling me anyway. I feel like I have to do something to remind him that I am around! Hi Rori,
It said to look for a link “here”, but I was not sure what that meant.

Anyway – I would love to be all those more girl things — but if I do not call him and ask him if he wants to get together or something, then he does not call me. I mean, if he is already seeing someone else, he is not thinking about calling me anyway. I feel like I have to do something to remind him that I am around!

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/what-to-do-when-you-feel-rejected/comment-page-1/#comment-814 Rori Raye Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:44:27 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=160#comment-814 Lee - this is a great question - and it is NOT going to be solved by turning yourself into a boy - you're going to have to be MORE girl, and be receiving, open, warm, APPRECIATIVE, admiring, accessible - welcoming. An Invitation. I'll write a post jumping off of this, look for the link to it here - Love, Rori Lee – this is a great question – and it is NOT going to be solved by turning yourself into a boy – you’re going to have to be MORE girl, and be receiving, open, warm, APPRECIATIVE, admiring, accessible – welcoming. An Invitation.

I’ll write a post jumping off of this, look for the link to it here –

Love, Rori

]]> By: Lee http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/what-to-do-when-you-feel-rejected/comment-page-1/#comment-812 Lee Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:30:24 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=160#comment-812 Hi Rori, Your ideas are very fascinating, and I particularly find the one about being in a rowboat and leaning back to be inspiring. Thank you. My situation is kind of odd. My husband was always the one more like the women in your stories -- ie he was rowing the boat all the time, and doing it very hard. It was me that was not being attentive back. It was like I was taking it all for granted. Then he decided to leave me 6 months ago, and moved out 2 months ago. He has not filed for divorce yet. He says he wants to be friends but that he is not in love with me anymore and wants his independence. I realized all my mistakes and have been trying hard to correct them. But for me, it seems that that means i needed to do some of the boat rowing. I mean - now that he is not rowing anymore because he got tired of it, I feel like I need to make the effort to show him that i realize how much he means to me and how much I really do care. If I just focus on myself, he will just think I am being how I used to be -- ie selfish, into me, and only concerned about what works for me. Any thoughts on this strange role-reversal situation? Hi Rori,
Your ideas are very fascinating, and I particularly find the one about being in a rowboat and leaning back to be inspiring. Thank you.

My situation is kind of odd. My husband was always the one more like the women in your stories — ie he was rowing the boat all the time, and doing it very hard. It was me that was not being attentive back. It was like I was taking it all for granted. Then he decided to leave me 6 months ago, and moved out 2 months ago. He has not filed for divorce yet. He says he wants to be friends but that he is not in love with me anymore and wants his independence.

I realized all my mistakes and have been trying hard to correct them. But for me, it seems that that means i needed to do some of the boat rowing. I mean – now that he is not rowing anymore because he got tired of it, I feel like I need to make the effort to show him that i realize how much he means to me and how much I really do care. If I just focus on myself, he will just think I am being how I used to be — ie selfish, into me, and only concerned about what works for me.

Any thoughts on this strange role-reversal situation?

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