Have The Relationship You Want

Here’s a great question from Deidre about a truly common issue with some men:

“Rori, I live in a large metro area, and one man I Circular Dating lives about 45 minutes away. We have a date for dinner & dancing tomorrow night, this will be our second date. He asked if he could pick me up (I met him at the coffee shop the first time we met).

I felt weird when he asked me, and was not sure if it was a good idea, but I want to move out of my comfort zone and experience new things, so I said yes. We were talking on the phone the other night and he made suggestive comments.

One of the comments he suggested we have a “pre-dinner” drink when he picked me up and we may not make it to dinner!” and said “I feel very warm, I believe I am blushing,” to which he responded by laughing and saying how much he liked me. We talked about dancing More…

I just saw this from Bobbi Palmer and think it’s profound and helpful…:

http://datelikeagrownup.com/2013/01/how-to-tell-if-he-is-worthy-of-a-second-date/

Love, Rori

Here’s a great guest post from Ariella Forstein – who’s brilliant on my Modern Siren program:

by Ariella Forstein

So many women change their voice in order to become what they think is attractive to men. Some raise their voices higher; some make their voices softer, and most do both.

It is no wonder women do this, because our society deems the “sexy” female voice as airy, light, high-pitched, and smooth.

If altering the voice is easy and just a matter of fitting in, why do I, as a Vocal Coach cringe when I hear women doing it?

Because this voice is inauthentic.

If you use this voice, it is a clear sign that you are not fully comfortable with yourself. It may help you attract a man, but likely one that desires an insecure, needy woman.

Is that you?

I didn’t think so.

And even if it is, you can become empowered by taking necessary action to alter both your voice and your confidence.

Steps to a confident, authentic, attractive voice:

1. When no one is around, speak to yourself freely about something you love.
2. Observe the ease, joy and enthusiasm with which you speak!
3. Feel your breath connected to your voice, supporting it ever so wonderfully. The emphasis will be on what you’re saying, rather than what you’re thinking. This is your authentic voice.
4. Practice using this voice (no matter how new or scary) on the phone with a trusted friend. Optional: Tell the friend you’re doing this, and ask them to remind you to use it when you speak with them.
5. Then use this voice in the grocery store with the cashier.
6. Then approach an attractive man with it, or try it on a date.

This is one of numerous pathways to re-discovering your authentic voice. You know better than anyone if you are able to use it easily or not. If you are still searching for it, remember, it takes time to get comfortable enough with yourself to speak authentically.

When you realize that you can be more vocally authentic and take action to change, know that you are doing something bold and beautiful, and others will admire you for it. That should enhance your confidence!

Real men want real women. The more you are comfortable with yourself, the sooner you’ll attract a man who is comfortable with himself. And that, my friends, is attractive!

–
Ariella Forstein is a Vocal Empowerment Coach, healing and enhancing voices & lives for transformational, obtainable forward movement. Learn more at: www.AriellaApproach.com

From Rori: Ariella is unique, wonderful, and inspiring…if you want to learn more about how working with your voice can empower and transform you inside and out – check her out…

Love, Rori

Here’s a comment from Tony – and I’m going to be “tough.”

First, Tony, thank you for showing up – having men on the site can be an amazing thing. Not only do you give us information that’s incredibly helpful – it also helps us see how much like us you are in some basic ways.

And this is one of them – and it’s the basis of the classic “play hard to get” game we all grew up with.

The thing is, Tony – you sound like a woman.

And I mean this to sound as tough as it does, because you’re not a woman – and what you need to do to capture this woman’s attention is the OPPOSITE of what we women need to do to capture a man’s attention.

Here’s Tony’s letter:

“Rori,  I am 25 and have been working with a women for the last couple of months and I have fallen for her more then anyone else in my life. She More…

Hi all, I’ve noticed some comments about articles of mine and other great stuff you’ve found at http://www.LoveRomanceRelationship.com…

…and since the Editor-In-Chief there is my dear friend and genius webmaster Steve Warwick – I’m tickled that you like the site, and don’t mind at all if you find something you like there and link to it here…also…

If you haven’t already – go and pick up the LoveRomanceRelationship free ebook – “Bring Him Close” – you’ll see a lot of my ideas and Tools in there (because LoveRomanceRelationship is an affiliate for me…) – and there’re some terrific articles and great “skill set” books there on Personality and Body Language -

One of my favorite programs there is about creating a “sexy voice” for yourself quickly (and written and voice recorded with 6 audio tapes by my rock star friend Ginger McKenzie  -though she goes by “Ginger Gardner” on “Sexy Voice Secrets.” That’s her in the picture…)

I send many of my clients to voice teachers (and if you have my Monthly Interview series, you’ve heard me interview a few of them – not to mention the wonderful Ariella on Modern Siren) – so Ginger’s program is a serious bargain.

If you get it, let me know what it does for you. I think working with your voice is a HUGE and simple thing to do that works with my Tool of “Changing Everything.”

Our voices are easy to work with, easy to shift, and even a tiny shift there gives you huge results. It makes you feel “new” around the same men or man.

Ginger herself has this amazing, sweet speaking voice and a rock star life and personality (she’s coached other singers…so that’s where the program comes from, and…yeah…I pushed her to create it…I really thought there was a need, and I totally love the program she put together…)

http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/sexy-voice/how-to-attract-men/

But, most of all – don’t forget to sign up for the free articles list and get your free “Bring Him Close” book (yeah…I suggested the title and read it and gave it my approval before I let Steve publish any of my stuff in it…)

Love, Rori

How are you trained to get attention?

A woman I know complains, sees problems and fault everywhere, and cannot seem to appreciate people when they do caring things for her.

The amazing thing is – this attitude actually gets her the attention she craves!

BUT…what kind of attention IS it that shows up?

I call this “Pulling Flak” and seeing it as “love.”

What looks like love to you?

Love, Rori

Are you feeling like you’re too smart for a man?

Like you have to hold yourself back and make yourself small?

All of my clients who came to me “hung up” on a man are so much more brilliant, beautiful and successful than the men they’re hung up on.

Is this a pattern of yours?

Are you drawn to men with “black clouds” hanging over their heads?

Not necessarily bad boys, but wounded boys?

Love, Rori

Our English road trip inspired in me a sense of history.

The history of my life, and the history of my relationship with my husband.

Can we let go of our personal and collective pasts, and re-imagine and rewrite every moment NEW in the way that feels the most good to us as it’s happening, and STILL BUILD on what we’ve learned?

Can you let go and still rely on the strengths you’ve gained?

In the world there’s much that feels like an “assault.”

We can quickly feel we need to protect ourselves at every instant.

Not only our physical selves, but our emotional selves.

Are you seeing men (or one man) in a specific way that only allows him to be the way you see him?

If you change how you perceive a man, without “hoping” for change – will he change?

I say yes…

Love, Rori

It’s not the asking, the inviting, the doing…it’s about where that’s coming from inside you that attracts or repels a man.

And if you are a woman who instinctively wants to reach out, ask, invite, do – then chances are your entire “vibe” is about chasing a man down.

Chasing is the total opposite of warmth and openness.

If you have such a huge heart that you’re able to give and receive in full measure, and never shut down when love of any kind shows up, and are blissfully happy with a lifelong relationship – then you don’t need my help, and you don’t have to even consider if what you’re doing and thinking and saying looks like chasing.

But if you’re not having the success in love you want – chances are what you’re doing, thinking and saying is not More…

Perhaps you’re in this situation (it’s one we’ve all been in at one time or another): A man is around, and then he pulls back. He not so much “RubberBands” as he just “goes away” without actually saying, with full closure, that he’s going away. He just sort of “drops the ball.”

And what we women have all been taught to do when that happens is to Pick UP the ball.

With disastrous consequences.

Not disastrous for the “relationship” – because most of the time – there IS no relationship going on here.

But disastrous for our self-esteem, our ability to feel “okay” with or without a man…and it gives us even more fuel for our belief that we have to More…