Archive for the 'Attraction' Category

Twilight and Making Your Greatest Romantic Fantasy Come True

I’m almost at the end of the book, and then I’ll quickly pick up the sequel. Twilight is for “girls” – the heroine is a teenager – and yet, for me,  it’s a timeless study of what we women are all about.

Bella, the heroine, has a soulmate kind of fantastical romance that is clearly meant to transcend time and space and be every woman’s dream.  And yet – she cannot believe he loves her.  Almost the whole first part of the book is her not believing herself “worthy.” She cannot “get” what he “sees” in her.

Because the hero is magnificent, and she considers herself “ordinary.”

It’s the classic struggle between our fantasies and our low-self-esteem.

It’s the conflict between what we want and what we believe we deserve.

And throughout the book, she puts herself last.  She has always served others, and that is her leading emotional trait.

And – in writing her character – the author has made sense of this by making her brave and smart, with an ability to see the whole picture and what needs to happen – even though she is sacrificing herself for others at nearly every moment.

And isn’t this the way we ALL feel inside?

Isn’t this what we women were ALL taught?

That we are to pine after the Prince – who – even if he SHOWS UP (!) – we are to believe doesn’t really want us.  We come up with all kinds of convoluted ways to explain why he’s showed up – without allowing ourselves to believe the truth – he WANTS us.

This book (I’ll rent the movie and write about it as soon as I do) – is, for me, incredibly powerful (I’ve heard the movie is even more powerful). It works in our subconscious – it’s the romance movie of all romance movies, with the standard woman meets unbelievable man who then rescues her from harm – but it’s her character that moves me (not necessarily the writing or the plot).

Here’s a girl with “issues” – she’s clumsy, can’t dance, doesn’t fit in at school, is not social, doesn’t think she’s pretty….who moves to a new town and is suddenly the belle of the ball.  All of a sudden she’s appreciated.  She’s seen for who she is – a magnetic, beautiful, interesting, brave, strong, kind woman.

AND – she can’t see it. She can’t wrap her head around the attention, the affection and interest being thrown at her.  Her mind was made up about herself, and that’s where it’s staying.

What the hero does in rescuing her is not so much the literal rescuing – but of the rescuing of her opinion of herself. In his presence, she is slowly forced – triggered – to rethink the rigid decisions she’s held onto about who and what and how she is, and how she values herself.

And she fights it tooth-and-nail.  She is a woman who wants to be the superhero as well, who wants to stand toe-to-toe with her man.  All this is good.  But she steps onto the pages of the book as a woman who cannot let herself even appear to be weak or vulnerable – a woman totally stuck in this armor of “I’m okay, I don’t need a thing…”  And then…

…the magic of the hero allows her to surrender.

So, the whole book (and I hope the movie and the entire 4-book “saga,” which I intend to read for us all) is about watching and feeling along with Bella as she learns Strong Surrender.  As she slowly keeps her strength on the inside and surrenders on the outside.

She is totally human and real – full of mistakes and positions and defenses.  And, for me, the book is about experiencing her letting these defenses come down without losing herself at the same time.

Fairy tales with the rescuing Prince are all about this, and that’s why romance stories capture us so deeply.  Not necessarily because we want to be saved, or held down, or “play small,” or defer to a man – but because we need help to surrender.  In order to surrender, we need something supremely strong to trust, to lean on, to believe in.  We can’t let go unless someone is there to catch us if we fall.

So – no wonder we all look for the Prince.  No wonder we look for the hero.  Otherwise, what is there to hang onto if we surrender?

And this is what we’re all working with.  How to surrender in the presence of a regular, fallible, clueless, difficult, confused, weak, imperfect man who is NOT the hero of our imaginings.

How to let go when we’re not sure if he’ll catch us.

This is what I want you to do.  If you can imagine that there’s something that will catch you – and that “thing” is you – “you” expanded to all the corners of the universe – you can sink into even the darkest corners of your mind and heart.

If you have a religious or spiritual faith – this will work for you – as long as you allow the presence of that feeling of faith and love to surround you, to live in you, as a completely accepting experience no matter what you do or what you think.

If you can imagine that you will be okay as you sink into the worst of your imagination, the worst and ugliest of your feelings and situation, you’ll start to feel a beginning glimmer of trust in yourself to get more and more solid, stronger, heavier, more and more trustworthy.

Essentially – yes – “The hero lies in you.”  And, yes, I know that doesn’t sound very romantic.

But it is – especially to a MAN.

So – as Bella struggles to find the hero in herself that’s strong enough to allow her to surrender to the hero outside, in her life…

…as we work to become our own hero – then that hero inside us can become a heroine, too – a girl version of the hero…and now we’re really going somewhere…

Imagine your inside hero as a very masculine, rock solid, fantastical creature. How does that feel to you? Does it allow a man to show up that you can surrender to yourself with?

Now imagine your inside heroine as a very feminine, fantastical creature.  How does that feel to you?

I want you to feel the difference.  Sometimes the feminine heroine doesn’t do the job. Sometimes it’s not enough to keep you going, keep you rescuing yourself.

And this is the key to being a goddess, being a Siren, being a Diva – your ability to embrace your masculine core of strength along with your feminine core of strength.  To embrace a masculine, action oriented you in the world, and a feminine, totally feeling you on the outside.

Bella struggles through the whole book to basically “define” what it is to be a girl, in an over-the-top situation.

It’s my opinion that every moment, for each of us, is a balancing act on a high wire.  We are constantly afraid of falling off.  We are constantly looking for someone else to save us.

For now – imagine falling off.  Let yourself fall off the wire.  Let yourself smack down on the pavement and then slowly, miraculously get up, and with a glowing smile on your face, climb to the wire again.

We’re going to explore this concept more and more, let me know how this idea works for you when you’re out there looking a man straight in the eye.

Love, Rori

written by PermalinkComments (136)Leave a Comment »

Baby Steps To Circular Dating

I’m still jumping off Lisa’s comment that she can barely look a man in the eye, much less even consider “dating” one.  To get her, and you – started – here’s some  new baby-steps…and I’ll keep working this into the idea of a “Road Trip” to love.

Try this for now:

Baby Step 1- Make Friends.

This is a “beginners” way to ease into “Dating” – and it IS actually Circular Dating – since Circular Dating is all about interacting with a man – wherever you are – without trying to “label” it something, even not bothering to label it “flirting” or “eye contact.”

This is where you use all my Tools around CURIOSITY.

Get curious about people out there.  Notice when you’re stuck in your own head, your own thoughts, your own fears – and see if you can get interested in what might be happening with other people.  And as you get curious about “people” – you can gradually allow yourself to get more curious and interact with “men.”

Baby Step 2 – Open Your Eyes

I’ve actually never talked about this before – (think I’ll turn it into an eletter Tool).

See if you can notice when your eyes are looking inside your head.  See if you can catch yourself looking down at the floor, or into your shopping cart, or at signs and newspapers and small things.

Although these small, wonderful objects will ground you…and I want you to use them…for this Tool, I want to see if you can catch yourself “narrowing down your vision.”

See if you can catch yourself making your eyes, your PERSPECTIVE, your attention – small.

Now – just Open Your Eyes!  Just lift your head up and look straight around the room.  Scan everything in the market, or the bookstore, or the dry cleaners, or wherever you are – everything you can see at your natural eye level, standing in the Rori Raye Dance Position. Take it all in.

This may feel scary for a minute – it’s sort of looking out at the entire vista when you’re at the top of a roller coaster, instead of looking “straight ahead” – but breathe, use my Tools to sink into yourself and soften up and open your heart, and see if you can just BE wherever you are, looking around.

Be sure to ground yourself into the floor so you don’t fall over…

Baby Step 3 – Smile

See if you can, while you’re feeling a bit woozy just standing there taking in what’s around you – as far to the ends of the room or the park, or wherever you are that you can see – Smile.

Smile to the space. Don’t worry about who’s in front of you, and if you feel silly – try to enjoy that feeling of silliness.

Now – even if all this only lasts a second or two – you’ve started moving forward!  This is how it’s done.  It will shift your perspective, your attitude and your “vibe” just enough to let you know that you have so many more possibilities out there and inside you than you’re believing in right now – and it will get you started believing in them.

AND – remember to LOVE YOURSELF while you’re doing all this!

Here’s to Open Eyes…

Love, Rori

written by PermalinkComments (71)Leave a Comment »

The Road Trip to Love Forever

Lisa is suffering after a breakup with her man of 10 years, and she’s feeling the way we’d all feel in this situation.  I want to jump off of her comment (sorry – I lost the link, but here’s the whole comment) and help her (and you, too) with some direction. (This will be the beginning of a bunch of “Road Trip” posts)…

“Dear Rori, My partner of 10 years left me 5 months ago. I won’t even consider dating. I am shy and feel like my life is a mess. I don’t know what I want out of life. I want a family and want to be the best mother I can be, but that chance may have left me with my ex. But he wasn’t sure if he wanted children (I think he does, but is just not ready).

I am doing my best to get on with life, but I have zero confidence. I can’t even look some people in the eye for more than a second. While I was with my ex I wasn’t like that. I was shy, yes, but not to this point.

I’m looking into that and other areas of my life.

But really, what I want the most is for him to come back. I do love him. It’s not about just having ’someone’. I thought he was the one. Lisa”

And here’s my answer:

Lisa, Welcome, and I hear your pain – and I want to give you a push our of your stuck place.

The answer for you IS dating.  I’m sorry, but it is.

You are in the midst of a major choice – to stay in this place of “no confidence” and “misery” – or to slowly, step-by-step move and grow your way out of it into the sunlight and the fabulous life you deserve.

For most of us – it works this way – because we can’t have things the way we want INSTANTANEOUSLY – sort of Instant Gratification – we’re afraid to embark on the journey.  We’re like kids in the car on a road trip going “Are we there yet?” every 5 minutes.

You have to learn to love the road.  That’s what my Tools will do for you, that’s what Circular Dating will do for you.

You have to begin.  We’re all here to support you every step of the way – and just reading here, you’ll find exactly what these steps are, what they look like, and how much better things can get in the process.

The steps and the outcomes and the results, no matter how wonderful or weird don’t often look the way we thought they would…but they’re a crucial part of the road trip…go for it, no matter how you’re feeling…

Here’s a link to one of my favorite articles for you about this…The Highway of Love…it will inspire you…

Love, Rori

written by PermalinkComments (97)Leave a Comment »

Are You Gifted?

Yes you are. You are gifted.

We’re all gifted in some way, and we all dismiss our gifts.

Instead of building on what we have that’s unique and special (calling Mr. Rogers here) – we yearn for what someone else has.

It doesn’t work that way.

So – let’s make a list of your gifts:

Are you especially sensitive to others? Are you emotionally sensitive?  Can you hear things and read between the lines and feel what someone else is feeling?

Do you see things and notice things other people aren’t always so aware of?

Are you attracted to beautiful things and like to tinker with things to make them more beautiful?

How do you like to express yourself? Your mind, your heart, your body?

Make a list of your everyday “habits” – the way you do things, the way you think, the way you organize things in your mind and around you.

Perhaps you have a style?  A way of being in the world you’ve never even thought about?  A way of walking.  The shoes you wear, the movies you like, the things you read.

Take an inventory of what things look like to you and what you have around you.

Take everything that you write down that gives you pleasure as a GIFT.

Now – let’s see how we can expand on THOSE!

Share with me your lists of your GIFTS –  (copy and paste them into the comments so you have your lists at home to put on your mirror with your Channeling lists) – and we’ll explore how to make the most out of them.

You are a gift to yourself, to me, to the world, to a man.  And the more we appreciate our own gifts, the more we can let in a man with gifts for us…so let’s rock this.

Love, Rori

written by PermalinkComments (53)Leave a Comment »

He’s Just Not That Into You – The Scarlett Johansson Character

The Scarlett Johansson character here was the hardest for me to write about.

That’s because at her age (and into many, many years) – I could never dream of having the self-confidence she had.

Scarlett is able to feel, to Leanback, to sink into herself, to speak her feelings. She has the boundaries to let a man have it when his behavior is unconscionable, feels beautiful and sexy and enjoys that about herself – and yet has the lack of life experience and general ethics that allow her to get involved with a married man.

I didn’t like her – not because of her behavior, but because I couldn’t identify with her easily.

And part of that, I realized is that she’s the kind of girl I always admired and never thought I could be.

She was the one who only cared about herself – and so every man fell in love with her.

She was the one who didn’t take responsibility – and so every man took her under his wing.

She was the one who took another woman’s man and got away with it.

I was furious at the Bradley Cooper character for cheating on his wife with Scarlett – but I really hated Scarlett.

I hated that it was so easy for her.  She could do that.  Not only could she get him to cheat on his wife, and get him to talk about leaving his wife – she had absolutely no moral problems with the whole thing.

I really noticed that with all the comments and the women I talk to – even my friends – most seem to “blame” the Jennifer Connelly character for her bad marriage (“she pressured him into getting married before he was ready…”) and for the cheating.  And most say that the Bradley Cooper character was “using” the Scarlett character to get out of his marriage.

So, then – who exactly is the Scarlett character?  If she is a pawn in this situation – who is she?

Is she excused somehow?

Here’s my take:

We all want to be Scarlett, and yet – she was the one with the LEAST happy ending!

We all want to have a man wrapped around our fingers…and yet, because we believe we can’t on some level, we sabotage ourselves at every turn.

Scarlett is in some ways a Modern Siren.  For that – I say copy her.

She’s young and she doesn’t know what she wants long term, what she’s doing with her life is very spur-of-the-moment.  She’s focused on herself. The relationship with Bradley is also helpful to her professionally.  There are lots of reasons for her to get involved with him.

And…horrible as it is to say…sometimes the other woman DOES get the man. And she almost did.

But most of the time it ends the way it did in the movie.  Everyone alone. Regrouping time.

The Scarlett character is a message:

Don’t play with a married man.  He’s not real until he’s available.  Until then – he’s only a messenger.

And for the Scarlett character, the message he delivered over and over again is – “I will disappoint you.”

So – let’s focus on that. To me, the Scarlett character is carrying a sign saying “Disappoint Me.”

Let’s look at where YOUR sign –  “Disappoint Me” – is on YOU.

When you wake up, when you step out into the world, when you look at your online dating site email box, when you go on a date, when you give a man your phone number – are you wearing a sign on your forehead that says “Disappoint Me”?

Are you PREPARED to be disappointed?

I see that and feel that in myself sometimes every minute of every day.  It’s in the fear of looking at anything and imagining it failing.  It’s this instinctual preparation for failure – the emotional WEIGHT we put into “Plan B” that CAUSES us to subconsciously SABOTAGE ourselves. And this is what the Scarlett character does.

She SEEMS like she should have it all – looks, spirituality, talent, sexiness, emotionality and even boundaries – but inside, she’s still sabotaging herself.  She’s still somehow looking for disapointment.

So – for today – as you walk around – see where you’re actually looking for and preparing for DISAPPOINTMENT – and see if you can flip that around with the “Riff,” with grounding yourself in objects and in the present moment, and in loving yourself all day long as hard as you can.

I’ll be doing this with you – let’s see where it takes us.

Love, Rori

written by PermalinkComments (59)Leave a Comment »

He Will Show Up – Yes He Will

I know right now, it feels far away.

You’re either in the middle of a relationship that doesn’t feel good, or you’re in an empty space on the game board of life and love, or you’re in pain, or you’re making do, or you’re in a state of hope and working through stuff, or you’re in a good place and just want it to be better…there’s always something better, there’s always something more, there’s always something to want and aspire to and hope for and look for and…

…and what if that’s what it will always look like?

That you’re always in flux, always in transition, that it never stops, you never get relief, you never get a moment to just sit and reflect unless you take it, that you’ll never really know what’s next – you can only be as prepared as possible for when what’s next shows up…?

It’s a mystery, is what it is.  The plot is loose.  You outline it, and the details are a surprise.

So – what CAN we do to create what’s next as something we WANT?

It’s all in the small steps, it’s all in the outline, it’s all in the preparation, it’s all in the here-and-now and what I can actually DO in this moment.

It’s all in undoing the old outline.

It’s all in creating a sense of freedom for yourself.  Making it okay, deep down to throw out the old outline and create a new one.

So – what will your outline look like, and how will you prepare for all the details however they show up?

Well…Let’s…

1. Sketch it in:

Write down the basics:

Relationship: Requirements for relationship are companionship, fun, ease, juice, affection, commitment, feeling good…

Security: Enough money to live without fear of the details as they show up…

Meaning: What I do matters.  Who I am is important…

Enjoyment: I actually feel good.  I actually enjoy all the moments of my life.

Go on and write more if you like – but make sure they’re sketchy like this.

2. Imagine the high points:

Get a feel for how these great plot points of the outline will look and feel – and don’t try to put them in context, or balance them out with other aspects of your life.  Make it like they’re stand-alone great-feeling experiences.

Riff (in the Power & Self Esteem category here) through these imaginings if you find them bringing up all kinds of Nasty Voices and resistance and tension in your body.

3. Get Faith:

This is trust in yourself, trust in your outline, trust that your old beliefs that say “no” to your wants are crap, and that your new beliefs that it will all show up as outlined (though it may LOOK completely different) are gold and TRUE.

Even if you falter sometimes, and fall off the Faith and Trust wagon, just climb back on.

Be your own Sun.  Make your outline sunny and rosy, and say “I’m sticking to it.”

Don’t let people with a skewed view of “reality” shake your confidence in your faith and trust in yourself and your outline – just smile, say thank you for sharing, and be on your way to whatever’s next.

I know, because I’ve seen it over and over and over – that when you’ve prepared for the GOOD in your outline, the good shows up.  And when you prepare for the bad, you feel secure and safe, but you stay put where you are.

It’s so much easier to get what you EXPECT. If you expect to feel good, it’s easier to see it and receive it.  If you expect to feel bad, it’s easier to notice it and bring it on over.

Expectation is sort of an Invitation.  So – Invite what you want, not what you don’t want. And…

…that’s an easy thing to say.

That’s what everyone says – and yet…

How do you even know if something that seems “bad” is really bad?

What if it’s something important, meaningful, and full of powerful lessons that will get you to the “good” so much faster?

So – What I want you to invite – is not anything LITERAL, straightforward, an event, a happening, a phone call – a thing, a look.  Instead…I want you to invite the sketchy high points of your outline – however they look.

I want you to prepare for the journey here – the ups and downs, the transitions, the places where it’s empty, and the places where you feel lost. I want you to pack your bags correctly and do the work. I want you to take care of yourself right here, right now, the things only you can take care of. Even if you don’t like doing it because you wish someone else would.

I want you to step across the gameboard of life even if you don’t know what the next square is – in the direction of your outline’s high points.

This isn’t preparing for the worst – this is preparing for the best.  This is Faith and Trust in action – this is building your strength. Just take one step at a time, and don’t let your PERSPECTIVE on what’s happening make you make decisions about your outline. If you step in mud, don’t let it throw you off. Your outline is good.  What happens next is a mystery.

We can never know what’s next, so we can never know why what’s happening right now is happening.  The only possible explanation that fits with these 3 steps is that – whatever’s happening HAS to be part of the outline.  It may be unexpected, it may not feel good – but it’s there just because it is.  And it doesn’t do ANYTHING about what’s going to happen next except PREPARE us!

So – He will show up.  Your man will show up. If the man you’re with can, he’ll step up, and if he can’t – the right man WILL show up.  I know it.  Your outline says it.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I’m asking you to stick to it, too – and let’s hear some of your glorious outline sketches, and remember to love even the mud…

Love, Rori

written by PermalinkComments (45)Leave a Comment »

Your Love Life Works Best Organically

EVERYTHING works ORGANICALLY.

LOVE and Relationship work organically.

That means – from the inside.
That means – from your soul.

When you are down and depressed, it’s as though you’ve lost the connection to your soul, as though a blanket of numb has fallen across the cells of your being…

And this is where you need to take 3 actions:
1. Going further down into the sorrow, pain and rage, and
2. Actively allowing yourself to be moved with Good-Feeling feelings while you’re down there – like simply feeling moved to be alive…
3. Taking a step – any step – to explore the potential of any glimmer of good feeling.

A totally excellent way to do this step three is by volunteering to help others – and that’s what the impetus is here – and yet – remember I put a ban on giving advice from your masculine selves here – so –
Let’s branch out.  Let’s answer the question:

How can I help others, how can I make a contribution, how can I LIFT MYSELF UP so that I can make the biggest contribution?

In other words, feeling down gets you nowhere, if that’s where you’re choosing to live – and yet exploring your “down” is the only way UP!

This is the 6E’s of my Targeting Mr. Right Program and Modern Siren program – this is using ALL the Tools, and not just one side, all the 7 Steps of Commitment Blueprint, and not just one – and I believe, with all my heart that you are ALL doing this!

You are PROCESSING…You go down into your dark feelings, and then connect with hope and love, and come back up higher.

Just don’t forget to CHANNEL.  This is a crucial step…and I can feel, from the arc of almost everyone’s work here that you are all moving forward.  The more you move forward, the more you deepen the learning – that’s just the way it looks.

What I want for you is a feeling of “buoyancy” – where you feel like however deep you go, you’ll bounce back up to the surface and see and feel and experience how gorgeous everything around you is, including and most especially your own aliveness.

I’m going to do a bit about nutrition here – because sometimes that can hugely effect our bodies, hearts, minds…

So let’s try this:  Everyone stop eating sugar for one week with me.  Stop.

Let’s see what this does for your bodies (let me know) and let’s see what following through with something good for you triggers in you.

Everyone eat yogurt and/or take probiotics (any store has them) for one week, and let’s see what this does for you…

And let’s focus on Channeling this week – that means DOING things that feel good, experiencing your limits and your boundaries and your power, saying No to what doesn’t feel good, and saying Yes to what Does feel good.

Let’s balance your riffing with LOVING everything, and let’s put more weight on the good feelings you encounter, and then quickly move to a channeling item.

Bethany – you’re moving so fast through things – making choices now that feel good instead of feeling stuck in situations – you’re starting to feel more powerful.

Mercedes – just doing what you think might work in a relationship is not the answer.  it’s the experiencing of it that makes the difference.

Go see “He’s Just Not That Into You” – it’s terrific.  Watch the progress of the Ginnifer Goodwin character (you can see how much deeper and calmer and less needy and more on her own side she becomes with knowledge and practice) and the dignity of Jennifer Aniston’s character – very inspirational.  I’ll put up a series of posts about it.

Love, Rori

written by PermalinkComments (25)Leave a Comment »

Why Online Dating Is Huge NOW

Here’s a really interesting article – I know we’re into February already, but it’s sort of about how the seasons and Holidays affect us:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/22/AR2009012201045.html

It’s cold out.  I know you don’t want to drag yourself out of the house – but you MUST.

It’s February, we just survived Valentine’s day and got through January, which is officially “break-up” month, where more relationships end, after the Holidays, than at any other time of year.

It’s a big world.  Don’t stay stuck in your little glass box.  Climb out, look around, practice the Tools – step out of your comfort zone, try something new.  Get involved in life in a new way – volunteer, take up a new skill, go to school, look at new career paths, through yourself into your work for pleasure, not “have-to.”

Don’t hang around the same places looking for someone new.  Go to NEW places and look for someone who matches you.

Don’t give up on online dating – just try new sites, and if you haven’t started yet – experiment with it.

Life has to have adventure – and adventure is always something WE make happen.

I’m doing this with you now – not online dating – but finding new adventures in my life – every day.  Your juice comes from inside you – not from a man.

Let’s juice up.  Love, Rori

written by PermalinkComments (116)Leave a Comment »

From Connection To Passion

Even if you’re with a man for the wrong reasons – Even if the “energy” is off, and the connection is off, and your astrologer and numerologist and psychic tell you you’re not “aligned” – you can FEEL intense passion, love – everything you want to feel with nearly any man.

There are trade-offs no matter what – and here’s what I want for you:

Don’t go by the “thrill” you feel or don’t feel.  That can be an old, toxic, “off” pattern that will bring you to the same results you’ve always gotten.

Some of us are attracted to men who are “aligned” with us in mysterious ways (MatchMatrix – whose stuff I love and recommend in an interview I did with Frank Seifert) – where the communication and connection flows and it’s all so easy and fulfilling and energizing.

And some of us are attracted to men who are totally NOT aligned with us, where the communication and connection is challenging, and exhausting – but our attraction carries the relationship anyway.

And all of us attract men who are aligned or not aligned with us in important ways, but the result is the same – if we allow the man into our life, regardless of the level of attraction WE feel at first – we can still either be exhausted and drained by the man, or feel energized and good around him.

Also – and here’s the really unfair part – if you’ve had a history, like I did, of one wrong man after another – where the one thing that constantly happened was that he did not care enough for you to make the relationship work seriously – then it hardly even MATTERS if a man who DOES care for you is aligned with you or not.

You’ll instinctively push away any man who’s emotionally available and pine after a man who isn’t. In other words, your attraction to a man who will hurt you is stronger than any other consideration.

So – how can we get the best situation for ourselves with all these different things going on?

How can we trust our feelings when we can feel so much for a man who will hurt us, and feel so much for a man who’s not aligned in anyway with us? (MatchMatrix calls an attraction for men who are NOT like us, and so not aligned with us – “false attraction.”)

1. We look at our lives and our values and what’s important to us.

If we’re getting to 40, and we really want to have a child, then we’ll give more weight to a man who also wants to have a family – NOW – and who would be a good father and husband.  And we can become VERY attracted to that – because that’s what’s important to us right now.

2. We make the mental decision that there’s a huge difference between “settling” and “having a great relationship and a great life with a great man.”

In other words, if we’re always, and ONLY attracted to men who are emotionally and physically unavailable – men who will HURT us in the end – then we have to accept that CHOOSING a man who is AVAILABLE to us, who WANTS us – may FEEL like “settling” at first – but that it ISN’T settling.

If we’re lucky, and we’re attracted to men who are aligned with us, who we relate to easily – then we may feel the “friend” thing really, really strongly, and might take that to mean there won’t be any passion.

But that isn’t true.  For a woman, true passion is born out of connection, not attraction.

I’ll say that again: For a woman, true passion is born out of connection, not attraction.

So – take your time before you make judgments about what is or isn’t possible.

The only thing you need to know, from the first moment to the present moment, is if a man’s energy is coming TOWARD you.

You need to feel that.  You need to feel that as relaxation, as a sense of security in your body.  You need to be able to breathe around him. You need to feel safe enough to do the Tools, Speak your Truth, and be yourself – happy as yourself.

Try using that as the test for any man.  From here, you create connection, and from there – passion.

Let me know.

Love, Rori

written by PermalinkComments (80)Leave a Comment »

The Ultimate Feeling Message Date

I just received this letter from Averie, and it’s such a testimonial to Circular Dating, and gives you so much HOPE – let it help you keep the wonderful, amazing things you’re doing:

“Hi Rori,

Since our last contact, I’ve made some amazing discoveries about myself and dating. I can’t wait to share with you all the amazing things I’ve been through…I thought you might want to hear a little story….

Recently, I’ve gone on a new date with a new guy. The dinner was great, the food was awesome, and I couldn’t stop smiling because I was so proud of myself and so into myself and be able to just listen to him, then talk.

After dinner, I offered to pay half the meal, the guy looked at me with total surprise, and said, “I would never do that to you, that would make you look unworthy.”

That was the first time a guy ever said that to me. Talk about MESSAGES. maybe I was insecure for a moment that I didn’t feel like I was worthy for a fancy dinner?? At least that’s what I originally THOUGHT.

I did not figure this out until like two days later, it hit me that that wasn’t the main reason why I did that. I just didn’t want to OFFEND him. And that really is a big issue for me because my ex was a toxic man, and he would do stuff just to “hurt” me because I offended him, he would try to teach me “lessons.”

Since then, I’ve been so burnt down that I couldn’t speak my truth for a long time. I would always live on this edge that “if I offend someone, he wouldn’t like me, or he would want to hurt me back.” this is the real message for me, once I realized that, it feels like I could just relax and so much relief..!!!!

And after dinner, we went to see “He’s Just Not That Into You.” During the movie, I was moved to tears because of what the guy in the movie said about vulnerability. He didn’t see that as “psycho” or “drama.” He seemed to open up to me more…not in words, in actions….it was raining outside, he took off his jacket and put it over my head, grab me into his arms as we walked to the car.

It felt like I was connected to myself in the movie, so he got connected to me, I FELT MY DEPTH, so he FELT MY DEPTH. it was all like magic. we just got connected, in a much silent way.

Just want to give you updates along my little journey and tell you how much I appreciate your effort in your work. and also feel free to use whatever I write:) it is because of you that opens a brand new door for me to see a brand new world. so THANK YOU. Averie”

Averie’s amazing experience just comes through her words.  It feels light, and easy, and yet Averie is talking about big-time feelings, old patterns, traumas that come up for her…and how so MUCH came up and got processed and made a huge DIFFERENCE.

You can do it too…you’re doing it right now…

Love, Rori

written by PermalinkComments (157)Leave a Comment »

« Previous PageNext Page »