Archive for the 'Bethany’s Story' Category

Telling The Truth Is Scary – And Fantastic, Too – Bethany 7

If you’ve been following Bethany, you know her man got a text from another girl, and when he told her about it – he did it in a way that made her feel awful, horrible – the whole “freak -out.”

We talked about how she could share her feelings, and tell him the TRUTH – so they could deepen their relationship, and she could start feeling stronger inside…and here’s what happened (you can hear how insecure Bethany feels, just like we all do when we’re afraid of doing ANYTHING…and it’s great to hear the process put into words):

“Rori, Tonight, after leaning back all day and almost ignoring Carl, he asked me to go listen to a band downtown tonight. I said yes, and we had fun!

Then when he dropped me off at my place, I said “I felt weird when I got that text from you the other day about that girl…”

And then he asked why and I said “Because she’s pretty”…and that “I didn’t know what he meant,” and then he said that he felt like “…maybe he shouldn’t have sent the text because he didn’t want to sound like he was conceited”…and he said “No! I don’t think she’s pretty.”

So I felt pretty silly…but he didn’t freak out or anything, and I said “I don’t want to make a big deal, so thanks for listening…” and he said “Yeah, tell me anytime how you feel.”

…I feel pretty shaky right now, like maybe I shouldn’t have said that, and that I ruined the mood?

But at least it’s out there, right? And maybe it’s good so that the next time something might trigger my jealousy, the open path of communication has been laid. He didn’t seem like he wanted to run away, I just feel embarrassed for looking weak. But maybe I look strong, do you think?

Even if he’s taken aback, I didn’t attack him and I didn’t tell him he had to do anything or not do anything, so hopefully it will be okay?”

Here was my answer to her:

“Bethany, This was totally brilliant! Can you see? – read your letter as if it were someone else – can you see how you used feeling messages and he responded so well?

Can you see how leaning back all day and forgetting about him brought him close? I know it sounds mystical – but that’s exactly the way it works.

I believe a man can feel your energy even from far away. So you work on yourself, and he follows.

He LIKED the way you spoke to him, and he invited you to talk to him about this stuff – you just got closer!

Now – don’t take the backwards step of “maybe I shouldn’t have said that, and that I ruined the mood?” or “But maybe I look strong, do you think? “ – can you see how you’re doubting yourself, analyzing – getting into your head?

When this happens – use all my Tools that come to you to get OUT of your head, and back into your feelings and most of all – your BODY.

Please pat yourself on the back and give yourself the biggest hug for coming this far so fast! Love, Rori”

Here’s how Bethany’s process can help you:  I’m all about the truth – and all about helping YOU tell the truth, no matter how scary it feels.

The first time you try it – let it be about Little things – things that don’t make you feel terrified, but give you a little buzz of excitement in your tummy just thinking about SAYING anything about them – even the weather qualifies sometimes – if we’ve been sitting on our feelings for a long, long time.

Try it, and let me know how it unfolds for you.

Love, Rori

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What To Do With Your Rage – Bethany 6

Bethany’s now moved from anguish – to anguish and RAGE, and though she’s trying to cork the rage, it just squeaks out – see if this will help you:

“Hi, Rori, I saw Carl in the computer lab today and I felt angry. He was with a student and the three of us ended up standing around the printer. I couldn’t meet his eyes and then the student asked “So who’s the better teacher?” and he said “She is,” and I said “Oh I don’t know, he has more experience…” or something. Then I asked the student “So is he a hard-ass as a teacher?” I think I meant it to be funny but oh my god, I think it was my anger talking!!!! Shit!!! Then I had to leave.

Now I feel awful like I’ve messed the whole thing up because I didn’t get a chance to say what I feel about that text he sent me (the one about the girl) and I’m just ANGRY, full of RAGE even and it scares me that I would have such a strong reaction to a small thing. Oh my God. I’m sorry I know you’re busy but do you have any ideas about how I can do this without pushing him away with my anger leaking out??? Please, please tell me I haven’t screwed this up? Thank you, Bethany

My answer:

Bethany, First – go to my blog, go to the category Power & Self Esteem, and work through each post in turn, using the comments the other incredible women make for reference, and my posts tweaking them. Do the lists and the flips and the exercises. It will help you get in touch with yourself very quickly.

Now – What you said to him would be thought of by many, many people – including many relationship experts – as “delicious, flirty, cute, a bit bitchy and challenging and totally adorable and attractive.” So – why are you beating yourself up?

Because it didn’t go the way you WANTED it to go.

I don’t even hear what CARL’S reaction to you was.  Perhaps he smiled. (I mean, truthfully – what man would be deeply offended by being thought of as a “bad-ass”? To most men, that would sound kind of “manly.”) And my guess is that you didn’t mention his reaction here because you weren’t THERE for it.

You either walked away and so weren’t there physically, or you immediately went into your head in “damage control” mode and shut down.  You went away emotionally and mentally – didn’t stand by yourself and stay present, and – MOST IMPORTANT – no matter WHAT was happening – put staying CONNECTED to Carl in the number one priority slot.

And that’s why you’re beating yourself up even more.  You wanted to use the moment as an opportunity, and instead you ran.

And I want to say – it’s OKAY that you ran! In fact – it makes total sense that you ran! I totally and completely understand, and I want you to totally and completely understand and be OKAY with it.

I still run sometimes, we all do it – and it’s just part of the journey, part of being human, part of the ups and downs of doing my methods and healing yourself – BECAUSE – we can only go so fast.

We can’t go any faster than our systems will allow us to go.  If we are deeply traumatized – we simply CAN’T stay there and be “connected” when we’re feeling so terrified (which is what triggering our old traumas does – it feels terrifying).

Almost all of us are traumatized to some degree, and I know, from working with you, that you are – right now – smack in the middle of working through your very deeply ingrained defenses against your very deep and real traumas.

So give yourself a break, okay?

The way to move at lightening speed, the way to move quickly – is simply to PRACTICE.  That means, by hanging in there with Carl, you are practicing. You are allowing yourself to be constantly triggered, and you are working to go through the steps you need to go through in order to clear away some of your “frozen defenses,” and clear away the instinctive traumatic reactions.

You cannot move this mountain all at once, so stop trying.  Just do the Tools, one at a time.  Write speeches, and say the truth and your feelings as much as you can.

Practice saying EVERYTHING – about the weather, the movie, the coffee – in Feeling Messages for practice.

You’ll see an improvement in your ability to give up your “Stance” and go into “Strong Surrender” (in Commitment Blueprint and Modern Siren) – and experience your anger as FUEL for yourself instead of as this barb-like defense you’ve always used it for.  You’ll experience your anger as MUCH BETTER-FEELING than fear and depression, and you’ll open up more and more of it and see it for what it is – a GOOD thing!

So – for you, Bethany, and for all of you lovely, wonderful, brilliant goddesses on this blog – do NOT beat yourself up – you aren’t allowed. I won’t allow it.  I love you too much. It makes things worse – tighter, more constricted, harder to get to. Use the Tools, work toward getting more and more Present. This is what the Tools are for – you are always working on yourself to raise your consciousness, your awareness, and your ability to feel what you feel and respond in the moment. It’s a process, and it gets easier the more you practice. Just practice.

Bethany, you will see him, you will hear from him. Prepare what you’re going to say – try something like – “…oh my god, I felt so angry. I was shocked at how angry and enraged I was. I was working so hard to stuff it down, I don’t want to do that – I want to be open and straightforward with you, even if I don’t like what you do or what I’m feeling – so I’m just going to spit it out. When you texted me about that girl I felt awful. I just felt so angry. I felt confused. I don’t like feeling angry with you. I don’t like feeling jealous, and I felt that. And I don’t like it.”

Line by line, listening to him after you speak, going with the feelings you have after he speaks…

I can’t guarantee you this man forever. But I can guarantee you that if you practice on him, your relationship will get more intimate and closer – IF HE”S CAPABLE!, and if he’s not the one – the next one will be so much better!

Love, Rori

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When You’re In Anguish Over Him – Bethany 5

Bethany is in the middle of a crisis.  The crisis began when she started dating Carl, and it goes on day after day, because, as much as she loves him, she feels awful with him, too:

“Dear Rori, I’m feeling jealous right now. I got a text from Carl not understanding why this girl is dating this one guy we know…I don’t know who she is and I looked her up on facebook, and she’s blond and beautiful and she added Carl as a friend or he added her, I don’t know. Why would he text me that? And I’m blond too and his “type”..what if he’s attracted to her? I know from your e-letters that you say men can have a physical reaction to a woman but still feel nothing for her on a deeper level. I get that and it makes sense, but I still feel jealous! I’m trying to stay on my bridge like you talk about, but it’s so hard to not get knocked off! I used the Circular Breathing technique, and it helped a lot, but this thing has got me thrown. Bethany”

Here’s my answer: Bethany – texting you about this was a huge mistake on his part. It’s utterly clueless, and if he told another guy friend he did that – they’d tell him what a jerk he is.

“You have to say to him, when he calls next. Carl I don’t know why you texted me about that girl. I felt extremely jealous and weird when I got it. I’m not that good a sport.” Or something like that. Let him try to explain and listen to him.

You can’t hide your feelings about this – I don’t know what it means, and neither do you – but I’d keep my energy way back with him, make him really work to get close, and get it all very clear in your head and heart why he felt the need to send you the text.

I’m even wondering if he meant the text to go to someone else and sent it to you by mistake.

You’re not wrong to be upset. Just keep feeling and loving your feelings. Love, Rori

And later Bethany wrote again:

“Okay, Rori, thanks–he actually wrote on her facebook wall and she wrote on his…flirting? Yuck, I feel soooo awful…I’m just listening to the Christian Carter interview on your Blueprint program and he keeps talking about playfulness, which I haven’t been with him cause I want to lean back, so I was just going to send him a message with something about how I had a good time this weekend but then I saw that and I don’t want it to look like I’m chasing him, but yeah, I feel majorly triggered and I’m soooo afraid that if I say to him “I feel jealous” that he’s going to run….I’m confused. Have I not been doing enough??? Bethany”

And here’s the universal part of this, and why I’m posting this whole series.  Bethany is SO TRIGGERED – nearly everything this man does or doesn’t do causes her extreme ANGUISH (I know we can all identify with this), that it’s hard for her to step back and see the big picture.

She’s so experiencing fear and pain that she can’t put his actions into perspective. He’s not a “bad guy.”  He’s just young, inexperienced, and clueless.  As are many, many men.

And the cure for all this is confidence – but not HIS confidence – OUR confidence.

So – how can we build OUR confidence when we feel so “thrown”? Just to start – let’s get some PERSPECTIVE.

1. Use my Zoom Out Tool from Commitment Blueprint and/or my “Wings” Tools from The Modern Siren – it’s about flying up and looking down – seeing you, your man, and ALL the men in the world at the same time – keeping them ALL in view, noticing how your man is just one among millions.

2. Use my breathing Tools in Blueprint to calm yourself (all you need is something to take the edge off each time you feel Triggered), use the Power & Self Esteem Tools here to Accept, Love & Embrace your feelings instead of trying to shove them down (it’s the resistance to our feelings that causes all the anxiety, anguish and most of the pain).

3. Give yourself permission to take this journey.  As long as you don’t shut down all your other options – even what feels like a tortured love affair is a great learning experience.

Remember – it’s NOT about what HE’S DOING, or what he’s saying or who he is.  It’s about YOU, and what being with him brings up in YOU.

After you allow yourself to experience what this feels like, and use EVERY situation to learn to SPEAK THE TRUTH in feeling messages, to abide by the Rori Raye Mantra and always be looking for opportunities to Give Up Control, you’ll start to be able to simply CHOOSE the experiences and situations that FEEL BETTER.

It’s hard to know what to choose when you are only experiencing the same thing over and over again, feeling stuck there.

As you expand yourself and your experience, and ALLOW yourself to get triggered and work through it – you’ll be amazed – you will come out the other side so much stronger than you could have ever believed.

Love, Rori

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Sex And Obsession – Bethany Session 4

Sex is a delicate negotiation – even when you’re long married.

How to get it started, how to make sure it’s good, how to end it and move on to the next moment of being in a relationship.

Bethany is working her way through all that – getting to orgasm in an organic, easy, fulfilling and self-responsible way – even though she feels tense and anxious and worried about nearly every aspect of her life, her relationship, and any kind of sexual or sensual experience with her man:

“Dear Rori, I had a few moments of letting go yesterday–in the car as we were driving out of town, I felt myself slow down and drift outside the car for a bit, then he reached for my hand out of nowhere!

Sex–didn’t do it, but he was touching me down there and I felt like I was about to come, then I said just that because it just came out of my mouth, then he stopped because he thought I said it in distress like I didn’t want to…?

I felt disappointed…then he asked me how I was feeling, and I said “I feel disappointed.” Then he tried to fix it by touching me again, but I wasn’t feeling responsive then.   I did say “it’s okay, it doesn’t have to be tonight.”

And later, she wrote me this:

“Rori, I think all my wanting and needing him is about want and need to control where this is going…that’s the hardest part! I can’t get there until I get through the present and build good moments with him, so my biggest challenge is going to be getting a handle on my obsessive thoughts.”

My answer was simple, and I want you to see, too, how well Bethany is doing, and how some magical things – small, but still magical – are happening –

I said – Bethany, some really wonderful moments here. Can you see the link between your turning your focus away from him and onto other things – and then he shows up? That’s the way it works.

Notice – all Bethany did was turn her attention away from her man for just one second, and he picked up on it and reached over.  What we’re working on now is what happens next – when he shows up, when he touches her or is sweet and affectionate and attentive – how warm and open and receptive and RECEIVING can she be – whether it’s about sex or just sharing a meal.

Let me know your thoughts, Love, Rori

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Sex, Feeling And Attraction – What To Say – Bethany #3

Here’s the next step in Bethany’s work – completely overhauling and reversing her opinion of herself, taking herself out of “doormat” mode and putting herself into “goddess” mode, having Boundaries and yet being soft, open, warm and inviting, advocating for herself and her ENTIRE life – not just the part of it she shares with Carl:

“Rori, After I e-mailed you I decided to let my feelings take me–I laid down on my bed and felt sad and angry and I even moaned a little.  Then I went downstairs after I felt a little better and he called me!

I didn’t feel angry when I picked up the phone.  I felt good and he came over and we watched the debate and I tried to speak my feelings but it was hard because to have a conversation you have to sometimes go into your head, right?

He would sometimes lay his head on my shoulder and I didn’t really like that because it felt like something a girl would do–also he says “I feel” a lot, although it’s always masculine “I feel that” “I feel like” messages.  I did say I felt “debate-fatigued” and he pulled me into him, and that felt good.

I just rested against his body and felt warm with his arm around me.  Afterward we talked excitedly about going away for the weekend and then we went up to my room and made out for a few minutes on my bed, he touched my breasts and touched me “down there,” then he had to go.

I felt weird while we were doing this because while I tried to breathe through my vagina my mind was telling me that we were rushing through the physical stuff.  Then he pulled me up and left.  I feel weird–I sooooo want him to say the things he said a couple weeks ago like “Bethany, you’re amazing” and share with me, but he didn’t.  I feel needy.

I like the physical stuff, but it’s conventional wisdom that if you do too much too soon that he won’t value you as much.  I have to figure out what I’m going to say and do in the car–come up with some “I feels” beforehand. Thanks, Bethany”

Here’s my answer:

Bethany – this is all about how you feel – and about turning that “needy” feeling into a relaxed, comfortable place of not knowing what’s going to happen next and not being attached to the outcome.  I know – it’s a tricky place to even imagine being – but that’s where it’s at.

Forget about “conventional wisdom.” What anyone else thinks about relationships has NOT steered us right in the past – so forget about it.  What Carl values is what YOU value.  If YOU value the sex you want to have with him, whatever that is – they HE’LL find it valuable.

A man will have exactly the opinion of you that YOU have of you – no matter WHAT you do!

You can swing from a chandelier and have sex with him all night after meeting him for two minutes – and if YOU value YOU – HE’LL think you’re MAGICAL.

In your letter, where you say this: “while I tried to breathe through my vagina my mind was telling me that we were rushing through the physical stuff…”

…I think that feeling RUSHED was a physical sensation for you – and then it went up to your head as a judgment – trying to make sense of the sensation and figure out what to do with it.

If you flip that “problem” of “what do I do when I’m feeling rushed?” – you’ll get “I want to take my time…”

Even if it’s a “quickie,” YOU want to feel in the spirit of the moment…feel connected and swept up in the tempo…you want your feelings and sensations to go WITH the tempo…you want to stay connected to yourself…

So – what would you say?

How about “Whoa…I feel like I’m not breathing…that feels so good…I feel like I’m getting ahead of myself here…I’m feeling overwhelmed…I’m feeling slower…It would feel good to slow down…”

Just look for moments of feeling like this – and write them down with the words to say that feel exactly like the true feeiings you’re experiencing, and these moments will increase.  Love, Rori

***This is such a universal problem for all of us – when to speak and when to be quiet, what to say, what not to say, how to say what you feel, how to say what you mean.

So – sit down and write out some of your situations where you felt uncomfortable and totally stuck about what to say…write out what you did say and how that worked, what you stuffed down and what happened next.

You can see that the moment Bethany felt “Rushed” – Carl stopped.  He sat up and said goodbye.  This isn’t mind reading – he could feel her “energy” drift away from him.

Let me know your thoughts and feelings here…Love, Rori

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He Calls But Bethany Finds Her Anger – Post 2

Here’s the next letter from Bethany – You can see how she’s working the Tools, feeling so much more, expressing herself in Feeling Messages, doing the Tools from the Power & Self-Esteem category on this blog and getting much better results with her men:

Okay, well, I’m going away with him for the weekend!  I felt really good last night and called and told him that I was ready for a road trip.  I felt upbeat and that translated well over the phone, I think.  So we said goodnight, then he called and asked if I would look at one of the stories he’s writing for a class and I said yes, he sent it to me, I called him back and told him what I thought. 

He thanked me, we had some back and forth, and then he asked if I was going to bed soon, I said yes, then he texted me later to say thanks and goodnite and I texted back to say goodnite but I used a feeling message: “Feels good when you let me read your stuff” or something like that.
So I saw him today in the office as I suspected, and as I’d been practicing my dance position – I Leaned Back and did it as best as I could.  He asked me some bullshit questions and I couldn’t think of anything!  I didn’t have anything prepared, I admit.  So then he left and I practiced all day, still thinking about him, still obsessing but working on dropping my thoughts. 

Then I missed a text from him about watching the pres. debates tonight I texted him back about two hours later with a “sure!”  and didn’t get anything back, but then I remembered he has class until 7 p.m. so I felt good again.  But now it’s almost 7:30 and the debate starts in half an hour and he hasn’t texted or called!  I feel angry and sad and frustrated at him. 

I’m stuffing it…I tried the wave thing from Modern Siren and I feel myself rocking with anger.  I feel embarrassed for being so angry about this, but how can I feel relaxed this weekend if I’m mad and disappointed about him not calling/texting?  I feel like throwing up.  I feel like punching him in the face.  How am I supposed to not stuff my feelings when/if he calls or texts?  I hate texting.
I wonder if he’s kind of immature.  Maybe too immature?  I don’t know.  This must have something to do with my “Stranger” but she’s not saying anything to me.  Her name is Elvira.  She’s pissed right now.
I feel like he doesn’t care about me if he’s not going to call me back/text me right away.  I feel like throwing up. Bethany”

I had a very simple answer for her: Bethany – You’re doing FANTASTIC! – Just keep going.  The anger is SO much BETTER than the depression, fear, sadness – AND he called when you let go…that’s the way it works. Love, Rori



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Getting More Love By Giving Up Control – Session 1

Have you ever felt like you were stuck in a hole with your relationship, and that everything you do, say and think is digging you in deeper and making you feel more scared, upset, angry and miserable?

Not only have I felt like that, so many of my clients start out like that. In my newsletters, I jump off of a lot of letters from you, and I wanted to do more of that here…so I asked several of my clients who work with me through email as a part of their coaching program with me if they’d be willing to let me publish all our dialogues – and Bethany said “Yes” –

– so you’ll be able to follow Bethany step-by-step through her progress with her man, Carl – and apply everything she’s learning – all the baby-steps and everything that comes up for her – to YOUR progress and your love life. I’m also looking forward to your comments, and your wisdom and advice and your own story to help and support Bethany as she goes through this to get what she wants…

Here’s where Bethany was when she came to me: She’d been dating Carl for about a month, and she likes him a LOT, and is feeling overwhelmed with fear that she’s going to mess it up. She’s a wonderfully smart woman who, like so most of us, finds herself in her head most of the time – trying to solve things, figure things out, guess what her man is thinking and doing and why he is, second-guess herself, and pretty much beat herself up about everything.

Because Bethany has all of my programs, I was able to pull out ideas and Tools for her to work with, and actually walk her through them and give her support for dropping all her need to take responsibility for everything and to control everything (this will be the most important thing for you to work with, too – dropping control – both the need from your inside, and the action you take around control on the outside, so see, as you read Bethany’s words, if you can notice how YOU’RE doing the same things, and work alongside her…)

The way I work with clients is to give them homework – Tools to practice. And then I hold them “accountable” for practicing by asking them to email me about their practice – what Tools they tried, how they felt, what happened. So – I want you to use this blog in the exact same way. Let me know how your practice is going so we can all move forward together…

Here’s Bethany’s first “check-in” letter after our first session:

“Dear Rori, I practiced the dance position beginning today right after we spoke. I kept having to remind myself of all the different steps, but as I did it, I noticed that more people LOOKED at me, as if they could feel me! And then, the hard part: my guy Carl called me on the phone. I felt flustered because I was in the office and the ring was loud, but I leaned back in my chair, unzippered my heart, dropped my thoughts to my pelvis, and answered with a simple “Hello?”

“He said, ‘Bethany?’ and then I just said ‘Yes’ – I got freaked and forgot to say that it felt good to hear his voice. I coughed and he said something about how he was sorry to hear I had a cough and I said “I feel frustrated that it won’t go away…but I feel like it’s maybe getting better” (Stuffing alert! I wanted to sound poised here.)

Then he said “I was wondering if you still wanted to go out of town with me on Friday, I know we’d talked about it earlier and I understand if you’ve changed your mind, but I just wanted to touch base on that.” I didn’t know what to say! I was trying to let my pelvis come up with something – but it didn’t so I said “I don’t know…it would be fun” and then he said “I think so.” (*Note from Rori -Bethany and I worked on bringing all her thinking down to her pelvis, and talking from her vagina – to loosen everything up and anchor herself.)

Then I asked if I could let him know later because I wanted to make sure I had all my work done. I don’t know what to do!! I hope I didn’t screw anything up…then he said “one advantage is that I’ll drive and so you can do some work…” I sooo want to go and have a good time but I keep thinking oh, well if I don’t go then he’ll feel rejected and lose interest in me. Then he said, “well, I’ll let you go and get back to your work.”

I felt disappointed that he didn’t want to make plans to get together later tonight, so I just said “okay,” and we said goodbye (I feel disappointed!) I feel icky about myself and I don’t know what to do. I want to go and have a good time but all my thoughts are telling me that I’ll mess it up. I wanted to say yes right away, but I think I wanted to seem like the kind of girl that doesn’t just say yes to going away for the weekend…there I go, stuffing! I keep doing this wrong. Bethany”

Here’s my answer:

Bethany – You are doing NOTHING WRONG!!! You are doing everything right.  Your first paragraph about people looking at you as if they could feel you was brilliant!! Just keep that going, it’s working for you.

You  did well in the phone conversation.  Okay – GO WITH HIM!  Next time he calls, say it would feel great to be with him away for the weekend, then let him put the whole thing together and pick you up – put your sexiest, cutest, best feeling clothes and stuff together and GO!  Just do your best to stay out of your head and stop judging yourself constantly – keep touching things and petting yourself and hugging yourself and talking nice to yourself… 

Whenever you get in your head and anxious – just say the word FUN over and over – you’re there to have Fun – not to accomplish anything.  If you catch yourself judging yourself – just say Oh well to yourself and move to happy thoughts that are TRUE.  You have tomorrow and Friday to keep working at this – you’re a fast learner – just do the Tools and you’ll be fine!!  You aren’t screwing anything up. 

He LIKES you – he may even LOVE you – just do your best to keep track of your body, your sensations, and talk them into letting go.  If you can’t speak feelings to him – write them down….

About sex – you might feel frightened of saying no – you can try “everything but intercourse,” with both of you having orgasms – is that okay?  It would be great if you could cut loose in that way – or – make him sleep on the floor or the couch, or ask him what HE thinks you should do? 

You can’t go wrong here, Love, Rori

I’ll post Bethany’s check-in letter and my answer in each post in this series – please let me know how working along with her works for you… 

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