Archive for the 'Breakup & Divorce' Category

How To Circular Date If You’re Separated

maninbottleThe Question:

“Rori, I don’t feel ready to be in a new relationship with anyone because of my feelings for and long-time commitment to a man I’m now separated from (hopefully temporarily) – and still want to Circular Date and online date as you teach.

I’ve signed up for Chemistry.com and eHarmony, saying that I’m separated. I wonder how I say upfront that I am only interested in a ” coffee date” and I’m not truly available. I just don’t want there to be any misunderstanding with More…

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Harsh Love Advice – When It Goes Downhill – Love Yourself, Circular Date, And Learn To Talk To A Man Instead Of Fight With Him

boot campThe Question:

“Rori, I was with a guy for a year and four months. From Christmas time it all started going wrong – his mother didn’t like me and it was clear he wouldn’t stand up for me.

We had a year of a brilliant relationship. Then his words and actions weren’t matching – he was full of I love yous but the actions weren’t the same.

I called a day on the relationship because of this and the fact his mother planned a family trip and I wasn’t involved at all. He was quite happy for me to be left out. I may add we met and he walked out on his marriage 5 days later!

He was very gutted when I asked him to get all of the stuff out of my house and I asked him to More…

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The Only Thing That Matters About A Man When What You Want Is Relationship

relationshipHere’s a letter from Amanda, and instead of giving her  and you specific steps on how to feel better that are already in Targeting Mr. Right and Modern Siren – I want to go “bigger” and give you a way to “re-frame” the whole idea of what “relationship” means to you, what you want with it, how you thrive, what’s important:

“Rori, I’m dealing with what seems to be the end of a relationship right now (we’re on a ‘break’) because he realized he just wasn’t ready for the level of intimacy that was developing. When he leaned back, I did too. And we haven’t spoken in over a week now. So now, I’m struggling with the ‘focusing on me’ part.

What keeps throwing me off balance is one simple thing… when I focus on me all I feel is deep sadness. Even though there are other guys in the ‘rotation’ and I did everything according to the program and I still have other things to fill my day/time with… I still feel very deeply sad about More…

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More On – When The Romance Is Gone And Another Woman Shows up….

maninbottleHere’s a question from KC about her marriage situation that’s both common and awful – and involves another woman. You may not agree with my answer – so here goes:

“Hi Rori, I have what to me seems a strange situation and yet I wonder if it’s becoming more common.

My husband of 23 years came to me one day and asked if it would be ok if he and a co-worker (someone I had had over to dinner a few times and was friendly with) could be more than friends and become intimate. At the same time, he assured me that they hadn’t done anything yet and that he didn’t More…

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A Broken Heart Cannot Be Healed By Trying Harder

10-6 love yourselfDesperation is a smell.

It’s a vibe you can’t hide.

It infuses your body, your glands, your eyes, your hair – when we are filled with urgency, when we are tense and desperate and “needy” – there is no disguise big enough or thick enough to keep everyone around you from feeling it.

AND – if we “blame” and “punish” ourselves for all these desperate and urgent sensations – we just make it More…

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The Answer And The Solution Is Always Inside YOU

singerHere’s a great situation and question to work with from “Crippled By Hurt”:

The Question:

“I too found the love of my life and ruined it. He moved in too fast, right out of another relationship. He was going to find an apartment but everything went so well. I was so happy.

Then we started looking for a house (to rent) together because my apartment was too small for me, him and my teen daughter. We have been together for 8 months. We got a house, that he hates because we had to move fast due to issues with apartment. We had started fighting a lot and he kept saying we moved in too fast.

I had become paranoid, questioning every female friendship, everything he tells me. I am extremely insecure, even though cognitively I know I am attractive and particularly to him. He is still working out practical issues with his soon-to be ex wife and he has a very demanding tech job (works from home). Two weeks after we moved into a home (that I cannot afford alone) he moved out.

We are still together but he said he needed space and was not happy because of all the crazy drama and fighting. He is still paying his portion of the rent. I More…

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Getting Him Back After You’ve Pushed Him Away

loveHere’s a question  from Sandi that I’ve turned into a full post:

” Rori, Hello, I had a quick question, I had a amazing relationship that started off with everything I have ever wanted ..as my feelings grew stronger and turned into a deep love I started to let my nasty voice win ..rule my insecurities about how he really felt about me instead of just trusting what I knew to be true which was his mutual growing love and commitment for me …

I became the overdoer, become needy, a constant worrier and I took control ..pretty much did every “Don’t Do”~ and the result was I ended up pushing him away and that just made me go into fix it mode and try showing him the amazing person I know I More…

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When Couples Therapy Does Damage

rollercoaster

The problem with couple’s therapy is the same as with any therapy or coaching – it’s “practitioner dependent.”

In other words – the way it all feels and works is dependent on the skills of the therapist or coach.

And much of the time – the therapist/coach is out of his/her depth dealing with two people with different hopes for different outcomes.

If you’re wanting to get back with your husband, and your husband says he wants “out” – how can the therapist serve YOU if he’s focused on mediating BOTH your More…

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Moving On After 8 Years And Lots Of Pain

Here’s a great story (and I consider it a success story…) from Lindsay–>>

Dear Rori,

I have been reading your articles for probably a year and as I read each one it seems like you are speaking directly to me and my life. With your help and the help of other advice I pulled myself through a relationship “break-up” which I thought was a relationship break-down.” This is my condensed story.

I had been with a man for 8 years. Both of us were divorced and we dated and stuck together through raising three boys of my own and his two girls. Of course, we never moved in together but in my heart and mind I thought one day we would be married. Through the years we argued on numerous occasions because in my mind he was a “liar.”

He would constantly not answer his phone, he often not tell me the whole truth about his plans and many times he would be out of town without me ever More…

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‘It’s Over!’ 10 Breakup Survival Tips to Get You Through It – Sheri Meyers

Here’s a great guest post…

by Dr. Sheri Meyers

You just got dumped, or maybe you broke up with someone. You just want to curl up and retreat from the world.

It doesn’t matter if it was a long-term relationship, a short-lived cyber affair, an unrequited love or a good friends-with-benefits arrangement. If you cared and connected, you feel a deep and painful void where there was once laughter and affection. It’s like experiencing a small death.

Grieving over your lost love for a short time is understandable, but if you linger too long in the purgatory of how-it-used-to-be, your friends will eventually get tired of hearing you talk about your ex and advise you to “Get over it.”

You agree on some level. You know that you really ought to start getting on with life and move on. Every day starts with that intention. But every night ends with you wanting to call them, check out their Facebook page or look through old photos, just to feel closer to them.

Getting over it. Easy to say. Much harder to do.

And no wonder, because there’s a bio-chemical reason behind the desperation and despair.

Researchers who’ve looked at the brains of the lovelorn say that loss, especially rejection by a romantic partner, lights up areas of the brain that are More…

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