Have The Relationship You Want

I just put this “cheat sheet” from all my programs together!

If you want (or if you know a woman who wants…) to get your man back, and want quick instructions – just take a look here:

http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/m/get-your-man-back.html

Please let me know how this works for you – I mean it to be helpful no matter WHAT your situation,  and want to

give you as much “relationship advice,” and as many clear, easy-to-do Tools as possible.

Love, Rori

Here’s a great letter about men, money, and commitment:

“Hi Rori, I am in a difficult situation and hoping you could help on it. I have been in a relationship with a man for 2.5 years. Initially I intended it to be one of my circular dating people. But he told me he was serious about me and proposed a year ago. Since then we have been getting very close and have made the relationship really good.

In day to day life I have very little issues with him, do love him and feel that I have worked very hard and he has given as much as he can to the relationship. We hardly have any fights, and get on very well and spend a lot if time together.

The problem now is that he is not in a financial position to be married, and I agree with him on that. He says he doesn’t know when he will be financially ready to be married, but says he loves me, and comments about spending his life with me. Recently, a colleague of mine asked me out and I thought he meant it as going out as friends.

This man is very important and also a nice man. I have known him for 4 years on and off but never been friends or anything else with him. The problem is since I went to a party with him( with many more colleagues there), he seems to think I am now going out with him and keeps texting me. His texts come More…

I’ve always said that if you’re in your 50′s or older – are you sure “marriage” is your goal?

Many women who are financially successful (or at least stable and can take care of themselves for the rest of their lives), have a great social life, great personal interests, friends, and enjoy their lives on a spiritual and fun level have simply chosen NOT to marry.

They actually prefer the idea of having “lovers” – live-in and not, male travelling companions, a man who shares a house and travel – all kinds of other circumstances that don’t include marriage. The reason being – they don’t want the RESPONSIBILITY of “taking care” of a man late in life.

And they’re not worried about being “taken care of” – and so the trade off seems like a bad deal.

What about you? Does it matter what “age” you’re “over”? Is marriage really the be-all-and-end-all of relationship and love?

What exactly do you expect it to do for you, in particular?

Are you really, internally, in your heart and mind, fighting relationship because you really, deep inside, don’t want the “responsibility”? More…

I saw this on the web and liked it – from Calle Zorro -

Sometimes, when a spouse realizes that they cannot ignore or get out of a conversation, they may try to shut you down and stop you cold by counter-attacking you.

If this happens, you simply acknowledge that you are completely open to discussing and resolving all issues in a manner that is satisfactory to both of you… but that you are not going to let other issues distract either one of you from addressing one thing at a time… starting with the issues you have already raised… and when those are resolved, THEN the two of you can move to the next set of issues to resolve.

Here’s a specific situation from Laura – that actually is totally universal.

The problem is that a man is just being who he is and doing what he wants – only it doesn’t go well with what YOU want.

The frustration of trying to negotiate with a man when almost all of what he’s doing is not negotiable for him makes it so that it’s all black and white. If you can’t find some way to compromise, we go insane.

We have to either stay or go.

It’s not like loving a dress, bringing it home and then taking it to the tailor to get it fitted properly.

You take a man pretty much as he is – and you negotiate circumstances.

Sometimes, circumstances aren’t all tied up in “who he is” – and they’re negotiable.

But, most of the time – that isn’t the case.

Most of the time (especially if it’s about his kids) there’s no room for negotiation at ALL on his side.

And from there – you have to make some choices.

just – as I’m coaching Laura – don’t give up on a man until you’ve tried all my tools for at least a few months…give the relationship a chance to More…

Here’s a comment that seems like the “exception” – but actually – it’s the “rule”:

“Hi Rori,

I used the tools and in 21 days of meeting a man he’s ready to marry me. What do I do???? I am still circular dating and I realize that I am going to have to make a decision soon or he may move on. I find myself working very hard to stop thinking because my fear of entering a “wrong” relationship again (I’m divorced) really scares me.

I feel this man is a good man. I feel safe and happy and good when I am in his presence.

He really wants to “row the boat” and he does. But 21 days!?! That’s just feels so fast!

Despite the timing I do feel ready to be in a relationship. So how do I say yes and that I’ll be exclusive with the understanding that marriage is on More…

Here’s a great guest post from Virginia Feingold Clark:

Do you daydream about reconnecting with a boyfriend from the past? Do you search Facebook and the internet looking for any piece of information you can find out about him? Are you obsessed with the idea of meeting him again and rekindling your love?

It can be painful and frustrating to long for some one who isn’t there with you and it can make you feel depressed and unhappy with your life.

There are reasons why your mind will keep “defaulting” to a past relationship and it’s important for you figure out why so you begin to find peace in the present.

Are you’re simply lonely and feeling discouraged about your chances of meeting a man you can love?

Is it easier for you to think about a man you know rather than going out and finding one?

Maybe you’re going through a hard time with your current boyfriend and you start to feel anxious and worried that he may not be “the one.”

When You’re Unhappy In The Present, It’s Not Uncommon For Your Mind To Begin To Reminisce About The Good Times You’ve Had With Someone In The Past.

It gives your hurting ego a boost as you remember the “good ole days” when you felt loved. You remember the good times and forget the bad. It seems that the same loving feelings are still there and they are attached to that man.

You tell yourself that he was the right man for you all along.

You wonder what it would be like to see him again, how he would look, what you would wear, how good it will feel.

But ultimately, all this going back to the past is very unsatisfying and will leave you feeling helpless.

Spending your time and energy thinking about someone who in reality you don’t know anymore is one way to AVOID the present moment and your relationship problems.

Ask yourself if you are being realistic in wanting to go back to someone who has now moved on and is pretty much of a stranger.

If it was meant to be, you would still be with him!

There was a reason the two of you didn’t stay together, and if you saw him again, that same reason would probably still be there.

Men will come and go out of your life and it will sometimes be painful.

But there will come a time when you find the one who sticks and he will be the one who is right for you.

I love Virginia, and I love her book – “It’s Never Too Late To Marry.” You can get her free newsletters and even talk with her at her site www.ItsNeverTooLateToMarry.com

Love, Rori

Here’s a great question, and a long answer from me about a man who “opts out” for his “personal” reasons:

“QUESTION ABOUT A FLAME-OUT SITUATION

I use the “flame out” term as Rachel Greenwald used it in her book and it describes this perfectly. I’ve been circular dating for a few months. I met John and it finally felt like I’d found one with real potential. First date was great and he texted me before I got home saying what a great time he had and couldn’t wait to see me again. Dates 2 & 3 were also great. In between, he called me every day, text me several times a day, and did all the “right” things to pursue me. The spark was definitely there.

Then the time between the calls & txts started stretching out. I responded when he reached out, but didn’t try to initiate anything. Then he emailed me, apologizing for not calling or txting more. He explained that he was under tremendous pressure at work due to some audit they were undergoing (which I know is true because he mentioned it a few times on our dates) He is an owner of this company and president of one of its divisions. He also said that he was More…

Here’s a letter from Shelly – she’s in a classic “girlfriend trap” – and yet, it feels okay to me right now. I like how she describes the relationship, and the man – and I feel that the urgency inside herself is what Shelly needs to focus on – rather than on zeroing in on how to talk about it with HIM.

In other words, she has more time and options and room to move, and the relationship feels good enough as it is – so she can breathe and really explore all her feelings.  Perhaps she’ll come up with some “out-of-the-box” ideas for herself!

“Hi Rori, I was wondering if you are in a relationship and your man, he has never been married and he’s 50 yrs old I am 49 years old I have been his longest relationship. At the beginning we talked about marriage because I had been in a unhealthy marriage for 17 years. That said. I told him I still believe in marriage and he said that he would never marry because of divorce rates (I think its more but i do respect peoples feelings) I’ve excepted the fact that he doe not want to marry it definitely was not a deal breaker. But I would live with someone, him yes…. More…

Here’s a question from Ankita – and my answer is all about how powerful your ATTITUDE is. How you can’t – NO ONE can be “cool” in a “loosey-goosey,” uncommitted (we’re talking serious marriage-level commitment) “relationship.” A relationship without serious lifelong commitment is just DATING. Really, that’s all it is. It may be wonderful, and it may be what you want, and it might even work for you just fine – but it still is just DATING!

“Hello Rori & Sirens

I want li’l help with my confusion on a concept of circular dating/commitment… Unless I clear my confusion, I may not be able to do CD properly…

I happen to read in one of Rori’s eLetters, where she said, “Tell your man you love him and that you can’t be exclusive right now, write a speech to the man you’re with saying that “he’s entitled to take all the time he needs to decide about committing to a lifelong relationship with you, and that you feel awful waiting around, it’s making you feel insecure and frustrated and you don’t want to feel that way, and that other men are starting to ask you out and you want to feel free to explore your options until he makes a decision.”

Then as he attacks us, we say, “Well, I don’t want you to date other women, I want you all to myself. And it doesn’t feel good to me to let you have me all to More…