Have The Relationship You Want

Here’s a letter from “Lois” I just wanted to share:

“Rori, On the blog, I read a great quote from a “Siren” about the heart being a conductor and how every part of your body can feel your feelings, and how it can be felt from 5 ft away from you – and it’s SO true!

My fiance will say things to me when we’re sitting next to each other like, “I can feel how stressed-out you are, what’s going on?” or “I can feel that you really like this/are happy/are upset, etc.” even when I HAVEN’T SAID ANY FEELING MESSAGES to him AT ALL.

I’m always shocked when I hear him say that to me b/c I’ll be like, “How did you KNOW?! I was just feeling that right now.” It’s so fast how quickly he can feel what I feel! All I did was drop into my body and feel my heart, and it’s when I do this he’ll tell me (and apparently the feelings he can feel are pretty strong).

I’ve been a long-time follower of Rori’s (since 2006 when I broke-up with my ex before I met my current Fiance) but it was only around 2009-2010 her programs around feeling messages, circular dating, and high degree of difficulty really clicked for me. At the point where I am now, my FI (“Fiance”) not only understands what I say to him, but he’s starting to really feel and More…

Here’s a great letter from Rose – and if you have a son over the age of 7 – learning to be a “girl” with HIM, and asking him what he THINKS, using all the Tools around Feeling Messages and overfunctioning will not only help you with MEN romantically – it will help your SON become more of a man!:

Rori, I’m not sure if it’s ok to talk about this here or if I’m even in the right thread for it if so. I quickly read over the posting rules and didn’t see it mentioned but while I have noticed everyone talking about the men in their lives, I haven’t seen any about how to deal with (almost) grown up sons. I hope this is ok, I feel desperate for help and I don’t know where else to turn. Rori has the best about everything and you ladies all seem helpful. And I’m running on.

Here’s the thing, I’m good with men. I circular date, they ‘re all happy and I’m happy with them. I’m good for right now. My son, on the other hand is 17, thinks he’s a man and has ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it just about every day for the last year or so.

7 years ago, when he was 10, his dad and I divorced, and there was only he and I in all the world, had been that way for a long long time. Then I met a guy and had a fling. Not serious, not a great guy, not a good match, not a big deal. Then I got pregnant. Things were messy, It became a big deal. We tried a “relationship” we tried buying a house, he even proposed. It didn’t work, we didn’t work, we got out. My son felt betrayed and abandoned. He says I ruined More…

Here’s a great and provocative comment from Audrey around a post I wrote:

Competing for your own husband? No that’s just stupid, and besides nothing you do is going to change who he is, a selfish pig (and I’m sure a few other choice words). Rori is right about a few things though, you can’t just stay in the middle ground waiting for life to happen to you and you do need to have fun, FOR YOU!

I’m going through the same thing and trust me you just need to move on and take care of you.

My Answer:

Audrey Welcome, and though I totally agree with so much of what you say – whatever would you want with a man you consider to be a stupid, selfish pig?

When we think of people in this way, we’re activating our “judging” qualities, and then everything goes downhill. More…

Here’s a silly voice memo I made while driving through the French countryside with my husband last month – It’s about the GPS in our heads (inspired by the GPS in our car that my husband instantly named Genevieve).

It’s silly, because you can hear me getting all sentimental about every animal we pass (you’ll hear my lovely husband Jeffrey, too….) Just click the link, and you’ll hear it->

Genevieve the GPS

And it’s so true! How is YOUR inner GPS talking to you! Is it running you down? Rewarding you and complimenting you constantly?

And what exactly IS that inner voice? More…

Here’s a comment from Sarah on my post about “ignoring a man“:

I have never heard such a strong argument for justifying abuse as a functional response to abuse.

My first response was “Wow – is that what I said? ”

So here’s the basic question (and I hope you’ll all weigh in on this…) – (and I realize, too – that this is an OLD post, and much of my work has matured over the years…):

Are “coldness” and “moodiness” and “ignoring,” as I describe them in this post – “abuse?”

And here’s my answer:

I do believe that “neglect” is abusive (I once experienced that in a long-term relationship and never put two and two together – though it’s hard to pin More…

Here’s a cry for help in a love situation we ALL know, all too well – accidentally pushing him away, attacking, closing up, hurting his feelings, violating the “4 Rules,” making mistakes…and sometimes doing nothing “wrong” but still experiencing him react as if we did…

You mess up (or feel like you did), and then you feel scared, and then you feel angry, and then you feel guilty, and then you feel depressed.

It’s a cycle, and if you can catch yourself ANYWHERE in that cycle and do something different – EVERYTHING will change!

Here’s the letter from Rose:

“I need some help, Ladies.
Some serious help.
I am feeling misery at the moment.

After being obediently true to Rori Raye tools, a wonderful guy fell into my lap in August. (disclaimer: he’s caring, soulful, and loves me deeply).

Last night, while out with friends of mine, he asked me a question I felt irritated by + couldn’t answer. Instead of properly answer, I froze up, and More…

In my experience (not to say this is always the truth) a man will get mad at you when he feels bad about something.

Sometimes he’s done something to hurt you, or he’s cheating, or he’s lying, and sometimes he just feels bad and guilty because he’s done something or is about to do something so very minor that he knows, nevertheless, is stressing you and not making you happy.

The range of this is the same as the range of his good or dicey character, his ability to communicate, how much in touch he is with his own feelings and workings.

As always, putting a man on the defensive makes things harder – he’ll just back up and clam up more…so this is where we have to go FIRST in the opening-up department – be vigilant about Feeling Messages. (Feeling Messages are the most basic, most profound Tool in all my work – they will More…

This post started out for Jeannette, who’s struggling with a caretaking situation, with the physical illness of her man along with her own needs getting unmet – and then, as I wrote, I saw this as helpful for us all (this is how my marriage works):

How to start sharing feelings with a man when there are serious problems and you want more, without scaring him, upsetting yourself – or devolving into complaining and repeating yourself over and over again:

Pretty much – you establish a system with every single man you begin to date.

The mindset is the start, and that starts with the choice that warmth is better than cold – and that anything that shuts down your heart is not good for the relationship.

And that, although we ALL have work to with our perceptions, our thoughts, our attitudes that lead to our feelings – the path to getting hearts to More…

Here’s a note from “Irene” – who’s just discovering how powerful it is to tell the truth to a man:

“Rori, I was trying to figure out how to say “I want to see you more” and “I want you to want to see me more” without saying exactly that, so here’s what I did…

It took a 30 minute phone call and a bit of joking and teasing on my part to get him to say he wanted to see me for drinks and conversation, so we got together.

After the pleasantries were exchanged and I was feeling confident and relaxed (and took a HUGE deep breath), I said “You know, I’d really like to be able to tell you that I want to see you, but when I think about saying something like that, it makes me feel like I’m being pushy and I don’t More…

Here – the blogging is the practice.

Basically – I’m asking you to observe the same rules on the blog as I ask you to observe with a man – so you can practice.

And I know how hard it is.

How easy it is to feel triggered and angry, and not know what to do with it – and want to practice expressing it.

I WANT you to be BOLD!

I want you to speak the truth.

And yet – I want you to do it in a certain way that’s all about you – and zero about More…