Archive for the 'Dating' Category

He Can’t Love You If You Don’t Love You

Here’s a letter that will make you shudder – I know each one of you could help her…and yet…that would not help her.

Because, bottom line, we have to want to do it for ourselves.

So – thought there’s a deep, extreme, unhappy situation here for Lia – the post’s really about – how can we get ourselves to be willing to (actually WANT to) see what actually IS – instead of what we wish to make up.

And then, how to motivate ourselves to focus our work in the direction that will actually serve us…

“Dear Rori,

I’m Lia from Hungary. I sent the following letter to you in April, to get your help. Unfortunately, More…

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If We Think About Something – Do We Attract It?

What happens when we “label” a man? Meaning – labeling a man “toxic” or a “sociopath” or a “narcissist,” as we do sometimes here, and as I do in my Toxic Men program.

The “Law of Attraction” concern is that if we start thinking about men in those confining ways – we’ll create more of that in the world, and sort of fulfill our own expectations around attracting men we label with those “qualities.”

Well…though I want us to pay attention to what we’re “putting out into the world” in terms of our thoughts –  I’m totally NOT concerned with what we put into the world with our feelings.

Paying attention to our feelings and following the trail our emotions provide to lead us to how we “create” our thoughts and our experiences is the biggest asset we have!

What I want us to watch for is what happens when we RESIST our feelings.

It is always, to me – crucial to FEEL what we’re feeling, and then, if we choose to go in a different direction, one that feels better, More…

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If You’re Addicted To Him, You’re Addicted to Being Kicked in the Teeth, Too – How to Stop

Sometimes the addiction to a man – or a kind of man – is so deep and strong, you’ll do anything to keep it going.

You’ll make excuses for everything, analyze him, analyze yourself, find ways this could work, keep it going at whatever cost. Carole wrote me about a situation like this in hopes that I’d be encouraging and help her land this man – but I don’t want to – I want to help her land a GOOD man! Here’s her letter, with all the back-and-forth email coaching we did…

Hi Rori,

It’s been a few months since we “talked”. If you remember me, I am the one who was dating John, the very rich guy who gave me a ruby ring, and all kinds of big gifts all inside of the space of 5 weeks. I broke it off right before we were going to go away together (and share a room) because I felt way too pressured and couldn’t return his feelings. He felt way too needy and controlling to me.

I feel like my other situation is very complicated and would appreciate your thoughts even if they are just a psychoanalysis of me. These thoughts just go around and around in my head and I feel like you are the only one who can answer my questions.

I dated Bill for 2  years. He told me in the beginning he wasn’t looking for anything serious which was fine with me. Neither  was I. But since it seems most guys I date really fall for me, it was a little confusing when months passed and we weren’t in love. I was never in love either but now that you mention being addicted to someone, I think we are both addicted to each other. But, all the time I felt hurt and confused by: although More…

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Is Your Man Just A “Snack”?

Some men are relationship “lite.”

He’s charming, he’s lovely, he’s exactly what you want — only he’s really just a snack.

He doesn’t really “get” what it is you want.

He doesn’t really understand the difference between himself — a freedom loving, fun, focused-on-work-and-his-own-stuff kind of guy — and you, a girl.

So, if you’re head over heels for a man who’s frustrating you beyond all reason — even though you’ve let him know so many times what it is you need — perhaps he’s really just a snack.

So… how does this work?

And why are you so angry with him?

Let’s say you’re at a fine restaurant with some friends and you order the most perfect steak — not pasta — but the most perfect, huge, wonderful steak or beautiful fish or grand meal complete with appetizers, champagne, baked potato, beautifully cut vegetables.

Now…imagine the waiter brings you a hamburger patty, french fries and some potato salad. More…

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It Isn’t Enough to Lean Back – You Have to Open Up

Here’s a great question from Lisa that started me off on a visualization and a bunch of writing…and I wanted you to try it, too:

“Rori, I just wanted to let you know how much I love your work!

I have been interested in your programs for the past year and a half.
I’ve been in a topsy-turvy relationship, which has allowed me to go deeper into my own fear and protections (I had a rough childhood that I never quite was able to grow out of).  After some unpretty moments and short breakups, I’ve arrived at a season of peace between us and acceptance of myself. at times I resisted focusing on myself as you counsel (it felt so foreign) and I felt too in my head to use a lot of your visualizations, but once I learned HOW to have a real dialogue with myself, I was able to use your tools and concepts to start to heal myself and accept my perfect-but-imperfect life…

I do have one suggestion, though, my guy has taken my leaning back quite personally and has become very hurt and angry at times…I would bet that a post on how to handle a man who is angry and hurt by this would be quite helpful to a lot of women. Love, Lisa”

Here’s my answer:

Lisa, Thank you – and here’s the thing: Leaning back goes along with being an “Invitation.” More…

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Is He Off Limits Because He Has a Girlfriend?

Here’s a hot topic on the blog right now:

First I want to tell you how much your tools have helped me and how thankful I am to have found you. I feel so much more open, authentic, happy and feminine (& comfortable in my femininity) since I started using your tools about 6 months ago.

I know that you say a girlfriend doesn’t make a guy off limits, but I can’t find where and am having a hard time getting comfortable with that. I’m super intrigued by a guy I work with (but not closely. He’s only in the office once a week for about half an hour) but who has a girlfriend. He’s made it no secret that he’s attracted, but when he took me out a couple months ago, he mentioned he has a girlfriend.

We haven’t seen each other since, but we talk often. He’s a combination of masculine, caring and sensitive that I’m finding hard to resist and is admittedly unhappy with her. I told him I felt curious about why he’s with her if he’s obviously not happy with her. I found it more endearing More…

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Dating and Sex – What Do They Have To Do With Each Other?

Here’s a great letter from Catherine:

“Hi Rori ,

I have left a message previously on your blog. My question revolves around early dating.

I had been in contact with a guy off a dating site for a couple of months , he had given me his mobile number and asked me to text him. We chatted on phone and text for a couple of more weeks, and I felt like there was a great connection there. He went away on holiday for 2 weeks before we had actually met.

He had text me practically the minute he had landed home ! And we met within a week of him being home, which was a great success, there was fantastic chemistry there, I was doing all the sireny stuff , leaning back etc, and felt really good about things.

He had been busy over the 1st weekend, so I didn’t hear much from him , but at the start of the week he was texting etc , we had another date on the following Friday , and we ended up having sex. Which I felt ok about , just a bit scared that if we did , he would back off. I had told him that ‘did he realize that if we did have sex More…

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He Makes Me Laugh – What’s That About

Here’s a “Guest Post” from Steve Warwick:

He makes me laugh… What’s that about?

You know we all have biological imperatives and hormone markers for mating, square jaws for men, heart shaped faces for women. But what does humor have to with biology and why is it so important in the mating game?

I’ll throw out my own suggestion here as I don’t expect you to answer this.
I think it is a subtle yet accurate barometer of the psychological “fitness”
and fit of the potential mate.

Let’s take a look at two different kinds of humor here. Toilet humor. It is a lowest common denominator. Poo! No matter how smart or sophisticated, we all snigger at this once in a while. What about George Carlin and his 7 dirty words. Toilet humor? Heck no, More…

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How to Get a Quality Man to Trip Over Himself to Meet You!

My dear friend Cherry Norris – she’s a superb relationship coach, doing teleseminars because she has such a huge audience (I’ll give you the details on her next one at the end – gave me this GREAT article to guest post:

“How to Get a Quality Man to Trip Over Himself to Meet You!”
by Cherry Norris

Maria was out to dinner with her girlfriends.

At the restaurant, she noticed a cute man standing by the bar.

Maria looked at him. The man turned, saw her. Embarrassed, Maria dropped her eyes and turned her head.

“Oh my God he’s looking at me,” Maria blushed.

“Go up and introduce yourself,” one friend chided.

“No!” advised the other. “If he’s really interested, he’ll approach you. You don’t have to do anything.” More…

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Are You Wrecking Your Relationship By Giving Too Much?

Here’s a totally classic example of overfunctioning and the result it gets – which is YOU feeling resentful, angry and closed down and pushing a perfectly good man away.

“Hi Rori,

I asked my boyfriend what we are going to do this weekend, he tells me he wants to go skydiving (expensive)..and then he tells me he also wants to find a place where we can have dance lessons, as long as they are not too expensive (he knows I want to go dancing)…he then gives me an example of how he has gone to dance lessons for free in the past at a country western bar.

I feel good knowing he is wanting to take me dancing, yet I feel bad, cheap, knowing he spends a lot of money on himself going skydiving, scuba More…

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