Archive for the 'Dating' Category

It’s Never Too Late To Marry!

My best friend Virginia Feingold Clark has a new blog (and a great new book coming out soon..) called It’s Never Too Late To Marry. Here’s the beginning of the first post – so go there, read the rest of the article and MAKE A COMMENT!!!

“I asked myself this question over and over again when I was dating and trying desperately to find a man to marry. For years I was a magnet for men who weren’t good for me, men who were not the marrying kind. I couldn’t stop myself from dating them and getting involved in unfulfilling and unhealthy relationships. I felt like a victim, a walking target for men who were narcissistic, self-centered and cruel.

Then one day I had a wake-up call. I got involved with a particularly cold and  aloof man….”

Go to and read the rest and get her started off with some comments…she’ll answer your questions there, and she’s INCREDIBLY helpful.

Virginia’s an incredible relationship coach and I’m very excited to say she’ll be my February “Interview With A Relationship Expert” — so go talk to her while she can still answer you…

Love, Rori

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Have Sex With One Man While You’re Dating Other Men?

This idea is so triggering – sex at all is always triggering, but sex when you’re not “exclusive” (in a “dating” sense) with the man is especially triggering:

“Rori, I came upon your ebook – (which I purchased) just after starting dating again. It just so happens, I did have sex with the one man I find most appealing – before I read your book. While I don’t intend to have sex with others I’m dating, I do want to continue circular dating to find Mr. Right as your ‘Targeting Mr. Right” teaches, but I could use your input on this one subject now:  How to be having intimacy with one man, while dating others, … with the goal of finding the right one to marry?”

Sex is a loaded issue.

The moment we allow a man to touch us (and notice I say allow him to touch us — because when we touch a man, it’s a very different experience than allowing him to touch us) — we open up our hearts in a way that creates a triggering reaction in our subconscious.

What does this look like?

All of a sudden all our circuits start firing in our brain. And the circuits all throw words into our brains, words like “love,” like “forever,” like “commitment,” like “he’s the one,”and pictures show up in our brains. Pictures of wedding gowns. Pictures of wandering through the woods More…

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Does Chemistry Rule Your Love Life?

Here’s a conversation with Kerrie – we’re working through “Mr. Nice Guy” who doesn’t do the chemistry job, and “Mr. Sexy” who does…and how it all shows us what our patterns are that are holding us back in love and how we can undo them without throwing all our dreams aside…

“Rori, Met Dave a month ago. He is very smart, very successful, reasonably good looking, and all of our interests match up perfectly. I seriously thought I had met my Mr Right. Plus, he fell right in love with me, adores me, wants to take care of me forever and everything that you say a man should do for a woman. Lucky me (again). But he lives pretty far away.  We had a fabulous email and phone relationship to start off with, but because we don’t live close to each other we did not get together for a few weeks and then had to wait another few weeks for another get-together.  But in that time he emailed me that he loved me and started talking about our forever together.

 My question has to do with the fact that when he spent time with me in person I got turned off by some of his mannerisms and he felt very clingy.  I felt really cramped and turned off.In person, he came across as a little presumptuous. He is brilliantly smart but the mannerisms More…

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Don’t Get Discouraged Around Finding Your Man – You Can DO IT!!

I just got a letter from “Cheryl” who is actually doing incredibly well changing her vibe and getting out there…but still not getting the dates and results she wants. She’s lost weight, is dressing more feminine, changed her hair, whitened her teeth, wearing nail polish…volunteering, taking classes, working…and is experiencing little interest from men.

“It’s always been this way,” she told me – “I have never had a man pursue me, ask me out, show any interest in me.” She says, “I know the vibe that I give off now is one of confidence and one of openness.  My friends and co-workers have all remarked on the change in this.  I feel everything and don’t stuff my feelings down anymore. But, Rori, I really don’t know how much more I can take… ”

She asked me – “So, please tell me that you have dealt with this before.  At least one of your clients has had to have been like me right?  Never had More…

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He Can’t Love You If You Don’t Love You

Here’s a letter that will make you shudder – I know each one of you could help her…and yet…that would not help her.

Because, bottom line, we have to want to do it for ourselves.

So – thought there’s a deep, extreme, unhappy situation here for Lia – the post’s really about – how can we get ourselves to be willing to (actually WANT to) see what actually IS – instead of what we wish to make up.

And then, how to motivate ourselves to focus our work in the direction that will actually serve us…

“Dear Rori,

I’m Lia from Hungary. I sent the following letter to you in April, to get your help. Unfortunately, More…

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If We Think About Something – Do We Attract It?

What happens when we “label” a man? Meaning – labeling a man “toxic” or a “sociopath” or a “narcissist,” as we do sometimes here, and as I do in my Toxic Men program.

The “Law of Attraction” concern is that if we start thinking about men in those confining ways – we’ll create more of that in the world, and sort of fulfill our own expectations around attracting men we label with those “qualities.”

Well…though I want us to pay attention to what we’re “putting out into the world” in terms of our thoughts –  I’m totally NOT concerned with what we put into the world with our feelings.

Paying attention to our feelings and following the trail our emotions provide to lead us to how we “create” our thoughts and our experiences is the biggest asset we have!

What I want us to watch for is what happens when we RESIST our feelings.

It is always, to me – crucial to FEEL what we’re feeling, and then, if we choose to go in a different direction, one that feels better, More…

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If You’re Addicted To Him, You’re Addicted to Being Kicked in the Teeth, Too – How to Stop

Sometimes the addiction to a man – or a kind of man – is so deep and strong, you’ll do anything to keep it going.

You’ll make excuses for everything, analyze him, analyze yourself, find ways this could work, keep it going at whatever cost. Carole wrote me about a situation like this in hopes that I’d be encouraging and help her land this man – but I don’t want to – I want to help her land a GOOD man! Here’s her letter, with all the back-and-forth email coaching we did…

Hi Rori,

It’s been a few months since we “talked”. If you remember me, I am the one who was dating John, the very rich guy who gave me a ruby ring, and all kinds of big gifts all inside of the space of 5 weeks. I broke it off right before we were going to go away together (and share a room) because I felt way too pressured and couldn’t return his feelings. He felt way too needy and controlling to me.

I feel like my other situation is very complicated and would appreciate your thoughts even if they are just a psychoanalysis of me. These thoughts just go around and around in my head and I feel like you are the only one who can answer my questions.

I dated Bill for 2  years. He told me in the beginning he wasn’t looking for anything serious which was fine with me. Neither  was I. But since it seems most guys I date really fall for me, it was a little confusing when months passed and we weren’t in love. I was never in love either but now that you mention being addicted to someone, I think we are both addicted to each other. But, all the time I felt hurt and confused by: although More…

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Is Your Man Just A “Snack”?

Some men are relationship “lite.”

He’s charming, he’s lovely, he’s exactly what you want — only he’s really just a snack.

He doesn’t really “get” what it is you want.

He doesn’t really understand the difference between himself — a freedom loving, fun, focused-on-work-and-his-own-stuff kind of guy — and you, a girl.

So, if you’re head over heels for a man who’s frustrating you beyond all reason — even though you’ve let him know so many times what it is you need — perhaps he’s really just a snack.

So… how does this work?

And why are you so angry with him?

Let’s say you’re at a fine restaurant with some friends and you order the most perfect steak — not pasta — but the most perfect, huge, wonderful steak or beautiful fish or grand meal complete with appetizers, champagne, baked potato, beautifully cut vegetables.

Now…imagine the waiter brings you a hamburger patty, french fries and some potato salad. More…

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It Isn’t Enough to Lean Back – You Have to Open Up

Here’s a great question from Lisa that started me off on a visualization and a bunch of writing…and I wanted you to try it, too:

“Rori, I just wanted to let you know how much I love your work!

I have been interested in your programs for the past year and a half.
I’ve been in a topsy-turvy relationship, which has allowed me to go deeper into my own fear and protections (I had a rough childhood that I never quite was able to grow out of).  After some unpretty moments and short breakups, I’ve arrived at a season of peace between us and acceptance of myself. at times I resisted focusing on myself as you counsel (it felt so foreign) and I felt too in my head to use a lot of your visualizations, but once I learned HOW to have a real dialogue with myself, I was able to use your tools and concepts to start to heal myself and accept my perfect-but-imperfect life…

I do have one suggestion, though, my guy has taken my leaning back quite personally and has become very hurt and angry at times…I would bet that a post on how to handle a man who is angry and hurt by this would be quite helpful to a lot of women. Love, Lisa”

Here’s my answer:

Lisa, Thank you – and here’s the thing: Leaning back goes along with being an “Invitation.” More…

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Is He Off Limits Because He Has a Girlfriend?

Here’s a hot topic on the blog right now:

First I want to tell you how much your tools have helped me and how thankful I am to have found you. I feel so much more open, authentic, happy and feminine (& comfortable in my femininity) since I started using your tools about 6 months ago.

I know that you say a girlfriend doesn’t make a guy off limits, but I can’t find where and am having a hard time getting comfortable with that. I’m super intrigued by a guy I work with (but not closely. He’s only in the office once a week for about half an hour) but who has a girlfriend. He’s made it no secret that he’s attracted, but when he took me out a couple months ago, he mentioned he has a girlfriend.

We haven’t seen each other since, but we talk often. He’s a combination of masculine, caring and sensitive that I’m finding hard to resist and is admittedly unhappy with her. I told him I felt curious about why he’s with her if he’s obviously not happy with her. I found it more endearing More…

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