Archive for the 'Dating' Category

It Isn’t Enough to Lean Back – You Have to Open Up

Here’s a great question from Lisa that started me off on a visualization and a bunch of writing…and I wanted you to try it, too:

“Rori, I just wanted to let you know how much I love your work!

I have been interested in your programs for the past year and a half.
I’ve been in a topsy-turvy relationship, which has allowed me to go deeper into my own fear and protections (I had a rough childhood that I never quite was able to grow out of).  After some unpretty moments and short breakups, I’ve arrived at a season of peace between us and acceptance of myself. at times I resisted focusing on myself as you counsel (it felt so foreign) and I felt too in my head to use a lot of your visualizations, but once I learned HOW to have a real dialogue with myself, I was able to use your tools and concepts to start to heal myself and accept my perfect-but-imperfect life…

I do have one suggestion, though, my guy has taken my leaning back quite personally and has become very hurt and angry at times…I would bet that a post on how to handle a man who is angry and hurt by this would be quite helpful to a lot of women. Love, Lisa”

Here’s my answer:

Lisa, Thank you – and here’s the thing: Leaning back goes along with being an “Invitation.” More…

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Is He Off Limits Because He Has a Girlfriend?

Here’s a hot topic on the blog right now:

“Rori,
First I want to tell you how much your tools have helped me and how thankful I am to have found you. I feel so much more open, authentic, happy and feminine (& comfortable in my femininity) since I started using your tools about 6 months ago.

I know that you say a girlfriend doesn’t make a guy off limits, but I can’t find where and am having a hard time getting comfortable with that. I’m super intrigued by a guy I work with (but not closely. He’s only in the office once a week for about half an hour) but who has a girlfriend. He’s made it no secret that he’s attracted, but when he took me out a couple months ago, he mentioned he has a girlfriend.

We haven’t seen each other since, but we talk often. He’s a combination of masculine, caring and sensitive that I’m finding hard to resist and is admittedly unhappy with her. I told him I felt curious about why he’s with her if he’s obviously not happy with her. I found it more endearing More…

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Dating and Sex – What Do They Have To Do With Each Other?

Here’s a great letter from Catherine:

“Hi Rori ,

I have left a message previously on your blog. My question revolves around early dating.

I had been in contact with a guy off a dating site for a couple of months , he had given me his mobile number and asked me to text him. We chatted on phone and text for a couple of more weeks, and I felt like there was a great connection there. He went away on holiday for 2 weeks before we had actually met.

He had text me practically the minute he had landed home ! And we met within a week of him being home, which was a great success, there was fantastic chemistry there, I was doing all the sireny stuff , leaning back etc, and felt really good about things.

He had been busy over the 1st weekend, so I didn’t hear much from him , but at the start of the week he was texting etc , we had another date on the following Friday , and we ended up having sex. Which I felt ok about , just a bit scared that if we did , he would back off. I had told him that ‘did he realize that if we did have sex More…

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He Makes Me Laugh – What’s That About

Here’s a “Guest Post” from Steve Warwick:

He makes me laugh… What’s that about?

You know we all have biological imperatives and hormone markers for mating, square jaws for men, heart shaped faces for women. But what does humor have to with biology and why is it so important in the mating game?

I’ll throw out my own suggestion here as I don’t expect you to answer this.
I think it is a subtle yet accurate barometer of the psychological “fitness”
and fit of the potential mate.

Let’s take a look at two different kinds of humor here. Toilet humor. It is a lowest common denominator. Poo! No matter how smart or sophisticated, we all snigger at this once in a while. What about George Carlin and his 7 dirty words. Toilet humor? Heck no, More…

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How to Get a Quality Man to Trip Over Himself to Meet You!

My dear friend Cherry Norris – she’s a superb relationship coach, doing teleseminars because she has such a huge audience (I’ll give you the details on her next one at the end – gave me this GREAT article to guest post:

“How to Get a Quality Man to Trip Over Himself to Meet You!”
by Cherry Norris

Maria was out to dinner with her girlfriends.

At the restaurant, she noticed a cute man standing by the bar.

Maria looked at him. The man turned, saw her. Embarrassed, Maria dropped her eyes and turned her head.

“Oh my God he’s looking at me,” Maria blushed.

“Go up and introduce yourself,” one friend chided.

“No!” advised the other. “If he’s really interested, he’ll approach you. You don’t have to do anything.” More…

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Are You Wrecking Your Relationship By Giving Too Much?

Here’s a totally classic example of overfunctioning and the result it gets – which is YOU feeling resentful, angry and closed down and pushing a perfectly good man away.

“Hi Rori,

I asked my boyfriend what we are going to do this weekend, he tells me he wants to go skydiving (expensive)..and then he tells me he also wants to find a place where we can have dance lessons, as long as they are not too expensive (he knows I want to go dancing)…he then gives me an example of how he has gone to dance lessons for free in the past at a country western bar.

I feel good knowing he is wanting to take me dancing, yet I feel bad, cheap, knowing he spends a lot of money on himself going skydiving, scuba More…

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5 Keys to Finding Your Soul Mate

This is a guest post I specifically asked Orna and Matthew Walters to write for us…I love them as a couple, and what they do:

5 Keys to Finding Your Soul Mate

If you desire true soul partnership, there is a clear path to finding that special person.  Outlined here are 5 Essential Steps:

1. Treat yourself how you wish to be treated.

There is no wiggle room here.  If what you desire is respectful love, then you must be giving that love to yourself.  Embrace all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and even the ugly.
You must be willing to give yourself the same love and acceptance that you are looking for in your mate. When you embrace this then you become available for the love you most desire.

This also means that you live your life the same way you would if you already had what you desired.  So many people put off living fully until the right conditions are in place.

Besides, living your life this way will most likely put you in places where you will meet that person who shares your likes, interests, lifestyle, etc.

2. Let go of the past.

Forgive yourself, forgive the other people who have betrayed, abandoned, and disappointed you.  Discover what the lesson was for you to learn, be grateful to have that knowledge and experience and move on!

When we are focused on past hurts and disappointments then we are choosing our current mates based on what we don’t want.  Your last boyfriend cheated?  More…

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Observing Dating Conventions Gets You More Love – a Note to Men

connect with manWe have to learn.  We have to practice.  We have to develop our confidence and self-esteem, and the fastest way is to learn to receive, and to PRACTICE receiving.

If you don’t know what it feels like to be cherished — you will miss it.

You’ll avoid it.

You’ll mistake it for something else when it shows up.

You’ll mistake “chemistry” for cherishing.

That’s why it’s so important to observe the “conventions” at the beginning, because we need to learn.

This is to all the men here on the blog…please understand this:

We are not about being in some sort of “position” with you.

This is not about “status” – which is a crucial part of the “seduction community” Tools.  (Perhaps I’ve never mentioned it…but David DeAngelo is one of my dearest friends, and though he may have started out teaching men how to pick up girls, he’s evolved into a teacher of how to be a great man…so I’m VERY familiar with the pick-up legacy…) This is about CONNECTION. More…

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Attachment to a Man, Relationship Anxiety, Hormones and Sex Too Soon

sex and relationshipCindy is my classic client. Seemingly strong, high self-esteem – until something kicks in the “attachment” hormone and downward we go emotionally. I’m going to jump off of her letter to me and see if I can help you if this keeps happening to you:

“Rori, This is all so different… I just got your ebook and started working in it. You are so open and honest and I really relate. I am 55 years old, men are attracted to me and I have no trouble meeting and initially spending time with them. Once it goes into more than casual dating (kisses, calls, regular dates) I seem to change from “easy to be with” Cindy to “I have to keep him and he may see the real me and leave for someone better” Cindy.

I have always tried to be what “he” wants and to make him into what I want. This has not worked and I have been single for over 20 years since my divorce. I recently met a wonderful man and it was going well for 7 weeks. We slept together last Thursday and I then felt insecure and when he told a woman at the marina that I was “not his wife, I was his friend”, I told him I thought we had more than that I wouldn’t have slept with him if i thought we were only friends….. More…

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Relationship Advice From a Man: How To Be Feminine With a Man and Qualify Him

relationship adviceThis guest post (and, for me – great, simple dating and relationship advice) is from a comment here by Jason Miller. He’s referring to comments on the Why He Disappeared post - specifically Gidget’s (comment #79) – where she says “And it is because i treat men just like i treat women” – Lucy’s (#87) – and Erika’s:

“Gidget makes a good point about over-analyzing men. When I have coached men around dating issues in the past, much of their problem has to do with “being in their heads” too much. They are thinking too much and not feeling their masculinity. They disassociate from their bodies to prevent them from feeling and being in the moment. Women do this too at the expense of cutting themselves off from their femininity, intuition, and natural power. Anything a woman can do to ground herself and connect with her own body will make her more attractive and empowered to make good decisions for herself.

Now, this is only half of the equation. The modern man and woman must re-learn courtship strategies that have been core to our species since we walked upright on two legs. The industrial revolution, equal rights movement of the 60′s, and outrageous advances in technology have interfered dramatically with our ability to connect and commit in meaningful ways. Our culture changes at internet speeds now. We have blown everything up and now we’re totally lost and confused. We have to recreate everything in a whole new way.

Here’s the basic courtship strategy for the woman who wants to attract a man who primarily operates in his masculine energy. Put yourself out there and flirt. Present your feminine side first in all social situations. Be girly. Men will approach. Your job is to screen them to see how grounded they are in their masculinity and ability to commit, among other traits. Test their leading abilities and if they fail, discard them. You are never obligated to proceed farther with any man you don’t want to. And you can test them forever if you want to. Keep your boundaries and values INTACT. These are the things you should not compromise. But don’t be uncompromising toward the man in front of you. He’s a human being too. Appreciate him for who he is even if he’s not the one for you.

Note from Rori: Jason is a friend of Erika Awakening‘s (that’s how he found us here) – and this next part is about her. I’m leaving it in because he’s using her as an example – and the part about “mixing up energies” won’t make sense unless I do.  You can find Erika’s comments on the same post, along with Gidget and Lucy and so many other fabulous comments…

Erika teaches empathy and she’s right about how effective it is. We’ve forgotten it as a culture. One thing you should know about Erika. She is the ONLY woman I know who is fully engaged in this strategy. She is congruently feminine in her relationships with men. All other women I know are mixing up their masculine and feminine energy in some way and creating unsatisfactory results.

Some of you have mentioned these behaviors already: interviewing men on dates, initiating contact with them to keep things moving, leading when you should be seeing if the man steps up to lead, etc. You’re thinking too much and you’re trying to control the outcome using your head, your logical mind, your ego, YOUR MASCULINE SIDE!! Let the man do that and see what happens. Stay connected to yourself and rely on your intuition more. It’s in there.”

I’m not even going to comment on this – I think it’s great, specific advice.

Love, Rori

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