Have The Relationship You Want

Here’s a letter from Lila, who’s stuck in what I know is a VERY common situation:

“Rori, we’ve been engaged for almost three years. Whenever we set a date for our wedding, he changes it when the time draws near. I tell people that we are permanently engaged.

Also, our sex life is really bad. We have no sex life. He says he is going to see a doctor, but keeps putting it off. I am beginning to worry that I might not want to be in a sexless marriage. Thanks, Lila”

Here’s my answer:

Whoa, Lila – beware.

Many, many men – and most past a certain age – have erection difficulties.

It’s about stress and environment and too much estrogen being produced because of food…lots of things. More…

Okay – here’s a letter from Sally – actually, a whole conversation between us that at first seems like such an EXTREME situation we can’t even relate.

But – actually – it’s so totally commonplace, it’s happening all over the news all the time (Sandra Bullock, Elin Woods…), it’s happening on a great TV show – “The Good Wife,” and it’s happening to a much smaller degree with so many women who write me…It’s like being “sucked into the vortex” so I got Sally to agree to More…

Here’s an issue I hear about all the time, and it’s very, very challenging, so let’s go into it.

“Rori, This is a tough one for me because I make more than twice as much money than my boyfriend. Yes, I said boyfriend. He practically begged me to be his girlfriend about a year ago and I finally said yes. Now, he works too much and spends less time with me so I’m thinking about trying circular dating. I let him take me out on a nice date occasionally where he pays. I know it makes him feel good and I try not to feel bad about it.

The bigger issue is that I wonder how we will ever integrate our lives. I’m not sure I want to be married again. I have a young daughter so I have to consider her. I also have a nice house. He lives in a very small, not so nice apartment. My mortgage is 5 times his rent. Plus his utilities are included in his rent.

I often buy groceries and we make meals together. He buys a few from time to time but I keep my kitchen pretty well stocked so most of it comes from my pocket.

Is this okay? If we ever got married will he ever be able to feel like he can provide for me? More…

I love posting “extreme” situations – where the pressure and pain and frustration and fear and anger are incredibly intense because of the circumstances. If I can help a woman in this place to pull herself out, turn things around, feel better and get some really good and happy results in her life – then it makes us all feel hopeful for our own situations.

Here’s a letter from Alice, who’s in a profoundly painful place:

“Hi Rori,

I am writing to ask you how to deal with a man who suddenly changed and turned away from me and now throws false accusations against me.

I am pregnant and when we found out, he was ok or seemed ok with it. He accepted it, cared and supported me during my first few months. When I inquired about getting married, he said that its not a good reason for getting married and that I dont have anything to worry since he will be there and can be relied upon. Last December, I went for a holiday to visit my parents for a month. He even brought me the airport. I thought everything was okay. During the last few weeks of my vacation, I could not contact him nor could I receive text messages in spite of my repeated texts.

I came home this January and I was shocked to find a woman in his house.  More…