Have The Relationship You Want

Here’s a question from Pam that opens up a whole new area for us:

“Hi Rori,  Thank you so much for the valuable tools and information. You have no idea how much hope you give me. I have a quick one line question and I will be very grateful if you will have time to answer this.

All the tools you teach (in Commitment Blueprint program and Modern Siren program) are they applicable in other areas of life?  For example: Interviews, Job search, finding a solution in friendships, or for (especially) anything that requires patience and waiting? Thanks, Pam”

***Here’s some quick ways you can use my Rori Raye Mantra and Tools in ALL areas of your life:

First – use them with every single man, all the time, even on (especially on) a job interview where you are in masculine, thinking mode a lot of the time.  A work situation requires that you develop the ability to “switch hats” from “girl” to “boy” on a dime – that’s why wearing a bracelet (like I do), and switching it from left wrist to right wrist comes in so handy to remind you if you’re in girl energy or boy energy – wherever you are.

The KEY Tools to use in an interview or work situation – pretty much ANY situation –  is the Listening at Level 2 Tool, and all the Being Present Tools – where you touch objects, focus on the face of the person you’re talking to – ground yourself, breathe, notice sensations and feelings in your body – everything you can do to stay connected with the other person.  If it’s an interview, you DO NOT want to get into your head figuring out your answers for the next questions – instead, prepare in advance (with my “Writing Speeches” Tool) what you would say to any question, and BE THERE while it’s happening.

When you write the speeches, work in your Feelings about things (The interviewer wants to know how personally committed you are to the job you’re there for - he or she wants to FEEL GOOD about hiring you – she needs to know that you are in emotional possession of yourself – and in order to create that sense of safety and trust around you – which you want to create for ANYONE who comes near you – you have to be as totally AUTHENTIC as possible. 

We can see how important this is in politics. A candidate who we perceive as “fake” doesn’t get anywhere with us.  “Openness” is a BIG thing – and we even talk about it in newspaper articles and blogs.  Openness is a hallmark of confidence, and what we want most of all in our leaders is confidence.  That’s what anyone in our family wants to see in us, what every man everywhere wants to feel from us, and what anyone who wants to hire you or use your services or products wants to feel from you.

If you’d like me to talk more about how this works with parents, brothers and sisters, and in work situations, let me know – I have many clients who started out practicing the Tools with their fathers, brothers, and co-workers, and have incredible success in those relationships – and an amazing reduction in their stress, too.

Love, Rori

If you’ve caught yourself feeling one way and then saying or acting another – sometimes the complete OPPOSITE from the way you actually feel – that’s the PRETENDING TRAP.

It’s when you really feel like a girl, but you act like a man. Either because you don’t want to appear weak, or because there’s just no MODEL for you out there on how to be STRONG and “girl” at the same time!

The TRUTH is – the very definition of “girl” is STRONG!

We women are totally amazing – we can endure pain, we can multi-task, we can take over anyone and anything – and yet we’ve been told that’s not true. We’ve been lied to. We’ve been told that Feminine qualities – like intuition, feeling, empathy, sensuality and emotional connectedness have no place in the “real” world.

But that’s all changing. Now we see business books out there called “How To Do Business Like A Girl,” and all kinds of books on leadership that take a totally Feminine approach!

To get the full scope of what Masculine and Feminine Energy is, you’ll want to look at my Have The Relationship You Want ebook – you can take a look at it – for now, think of it this way: Masculine Energy is about DOING and Feminine Energy is about BEING. Masculine Energy is about THINKING and Feminine Energy is about FEELING. You can pretty much categorize most things – what you do and say, how you react and what you think and feel – as either Masculine Energy or Feminine Energy just by noticing if it’s Doing or Being, Thinking or Feeling.

It’s not that we have to stop using our Masculine Energy – it’s that we have to learn to use our Feminine Energy, too – and we have to learn when and where and how to use both energies to get the best results in life and in love.

So, I’d like you to do this: As you walk through your everyday life, check in with yourself. Start noticing when you’re doing and thinking, and know you’re in your masculine energy. Then notice when you’re simply feeling a sensation (without thinking about it, naming it, or judging it) or just Being Present, and you’ll know you’re in your Feminine Energy. Let me know what your is like – is it balanced between the two – Masculine and Feminine? Or are you lopsided to the Masculine? Let me know.

Love,
Rori

Just the word “Bitch” is so provocative. It brings up so many feelings – which means that talking about it will help you so much – it moves us forward and upward so much more quickly when we work with powerful, emotional images and issues.

So, now that we’ve talked a bit about Masculine and Feminine Energies, let’s talk about what “Bitch” language looks and sounds like:

1. A combination of Masculine and Feminine energies that’s intriguing, disturbing and destructive (still, much more attractive to a man than “bland”).
2. It’s sort of “hands-on-hips, leaning forward, pointing finger, making him wrong.”
3. It says “YOU did this, and YOU did that, and YOU are like this, and YOU are causing this…
4. It walks away when things aren’t going the way it wants. Literally walks away. (Very intriguing to a man.)

As a contrast, here’s what pure Feminine Energy language looks and sounds like:

1. Only Feminine Energy, that’s completely attractive, magnetic , and passive
2. It’s leaned-back, warm, inviting, grounded, centered, no-nonsense, feeling, easy, taking responsibility for itself, just Being
3. It says “I feel, I’m feeling, I felt, It feels…and NEVER mentions HIM
4. It stands still when things aren’t going the way it wants, and if it starts feeling bad, it walks away. (Yep – walking away is FEMININE. “Hanging-in” when it feels bad is MASCULINE.)

The first step for ANY shifts in your results is to know what things look and feel like, and to become aware of what you’re feeling and the words you’re using. Everything after that is just step-by-step, and that’s what we’ll do through these next posts.

Love,
Rori

We’re talking about how “bitchy” is just being a girl with the wrong words. How “Bitch” is much closer to Feminine energy than stuffing down feelings and “never letting him see you at your worst.”

Yep – he’s rather see your “weakness” break through Authentically than tolerate your “bitchiness” – but he’s also rather have you be “bitchy” than for you to PRETEND. In other words, he’d rather be around feelings than artificial composure.

He’ll be willing to put up with “bitchiness” for awhile. It’ll be more interesting to him than a “pretending” woman – at first, but then it’ll wear him down and he’ll withdraw.

The only way to keep a man’s interest, devotion, love and commitment – forever – is to allow all your feelings (including the ones you think show “weakness”) to come out authentically. To be expressed in WORDS that do no harm, and yet let HIM feel YOU while you’re feeling your feelings. It doesn’t matter what he feels about your specific feelings. He’s just simply drawn in by your ABILITY to feel.

Sounds pretty scary, doesn’t it? Well, it is. If it wasn’t scary, we would’ve done it years ago, because it WORKS with men.

We just were never taught the WORDS to use that make all the difference between “bitch” language and “girl” language. Before I give you my take on this, I want you to do this:

Watch your own words, and how what you say and what you FEEL are connected. See if you can catch yourself smiling when you feel angry, or laughing when you feel like crying. See how you are when you feel irritated, but you don’t want to let anyone see it.

Let me know here with your comments what you discover about yourself, so we can move onto the next steps.

Love,
Rori