Have The Relationship You Want

Here’s a powerful – and powerfully upsetting – letter from Warrior Girl. I’ve been about as tough as I’ve ever been. I know Warrior would appreciate any of your comments and help with this – including if you don’t agree with me…

“Rori, I have experienced a lot of personal tragedy and loss in my life over the last few years, and after having a nasty miscarriage, last spring, I became very depressed and withdrawn. Into this darkness, sailed A. who I met playing an on-line game. The attraction was instant and we started to spend hours talking daily. Soon, this on-line affair ratcheted up several notches and things became pretty hot.

I had never had a very fulfilling physical relationship with my husband and we’d grown apart over the years, whereas A. pushed all the right buttons mentally, physically, emotionally. Within weeks, I was ready to leave my husband for him. I was crazy in love.

Slight snag though…he had a wife and children and lived on the other side of the world!
Over the months, this long-distance affair continued. We planned to meet, but then the inevitable. Our spouses found out. I was ready to leave mine anyway, More…

If you’ve ever wondered how EFT works (I’ve included it in one of my programs, teach it to clients and use it personally) – check it out here:

(I’m not recommending this “summit,” or that you buy anything or go further listening to any of the audios – in fact, this page and video pretty much does the job of giving you all the info you need to get started!):

http://www.thetappingsolution.com/how-to-tap.php

If you remember Erika Awakening from this blog, she has a lot of stuff around “Tapping” at her site, too: More…

Here’s a letter from Eileen that came to me personally, and I wanted to answer it here:

Hi Rori…Im in such a bad way and dont know what to do.Ive been in a relationship for 3yrs he did all the running… he was married but wasnt happy he told me he loved me and that he was leaving getin his own place and wld be spending most the time with me he was lovely over xmas but then I got a txt in January out of the blue saying he had fell in love with a girl at work and has moved in with her but he came to mine and slept with me.I dont know what to do now ive got no job lost my friends cant eat or sleep he still wants to be friends please help I DONT know what to do. Thanks rori with love xx Eileen

My answer:

This is way beyond anything I can do to help – because it’s a classic dive into poor mental health.

It’s an addiction gone so bad – as if the heroin suddenly left you, and you couldn’t get anymore, but you, of course, didn’t want to quit.

It’s withdrawal NOT of your own choosing.

The addicts who get into this trouble are usually in this situation because they’ve committed a crime trying to get drugs, and end up More…

Here’s a letter from Angela, that feels totally “universal” to me.

Every day of my own life I ask the same questions about “what voice do I listen to” – and I tell myself the same answer I’m giving you here…

“Rori, I stumbled upon your website. and so much of your work and philosophy makes sense. I struggle with low self esteem and getting involved( in my head) with unavailable men. Anyway I recently bought your book and I am practicing the tools. I love how simple they are and what is working for me is accepting the nasty voice living with it but not letting it dictate my life. That said I wanted to ask you what More…

Here’s a letter from Jen, who was doing great, and now feels all lost again:

“Rori, I need your help so desperately…

A year ago, I worked through your Modern Siren program and it helped me get the man that I love back for good.

We had a long history of 3 years with some togetherness and some break ups. I had never learned how to really be the soft, strong, independent, attractive women that I knew I could and can be while in a relationship.

My man, he is so sweet and sensitive and loving and caring and yet so macho and so distant and withdrawn and cold at times. But we’ve all been there right! You know that deep down it’s about what is going on with us. So I learned that from my own lessons and life experiences but you helped me with your program because you helped me take all that “logical” knowledge that I had about myself and put it into practice emotionally for my benefit and More…

I absolutely love this from www.tut.com – be sure to go there and get your own free “Notes From The Universe…”

“Shake the burden that comes from seeing your baby steps, Rori, as a necessary discipline.

See them, instead, as optional dance moves, in life’s conga line, that spark miracles, open floodgates, and lead to the near effortless manifestations of unlimited spending account and perfect inner peaces.

Day-o!
The Universe

This lightened my mood, my evening, my thoughts…everything. All it takes is being determined to make the choice every moment to “frame” everything as an opportunity instead of a burden.

Love, Rori

Here’s my favorite Thanksgiving Post, with a Tool – and a photo from my roadtrip through France with my husband last month!:

It’s so easy to say “Be Thankful” when you’re feeling good and thankful…but I know that if you’re feeling blue…you don’t really feel like thanking anyone for anything.

When you’re not really feeling “blessed,” it’s challenging to say your blessings.

And yet – that’s the way out of the rubble.

That’s the way from the blues to the greens to the yellows, the oranges, the reds….the whole rainbow.

Here’s a simple Exercise my coach, Ryan Eliason, gave me long ago – it’s called The Three Blessings: More…

Here’s a letter from Kat, who’s struggling with an old love, and new weight – and feels that unearthing their connection will help her.

I have different thoughts and ideas about all of this – and I see a light at the end of the tunnel just up ahead!:

“Dear Rori,

I am writing because I finally decided I need some outside help and I have read your letters for the last 3 years, getting a lot out of them. I wish your programs were around in 1986…. which is when this all started.

I fell in love with a professor in my junior year in college. We had a long time relationship even when we quit dating and I got married to another man.

The last time I spoke to “the professor” was 2004. Since then I have fought with obesity (never even thought about being heavy for 30+years).

I have been trying to figure out just why I have turned to food and believe that this stretched out, passionate, fully connected then not, relationship and the feelings I still have about it and my anger at my past decisions when dealing with him have me questioning how I can get closure so that I can finally deal well with the leftover emotions…

This is the only issue in my life that has haunted me which makes me think that it is the root cause of the eating disorder (gluttony) I now have. What do you think? Suggestions on how to get this man OUT of my life and my emotions back on track to get healthy? Kat”

My Answer:

Kat – For me (and I’m not an expert, or a doctor, though I’ve been working with doctors at the vanguard of auto-immune disease for many years now) – weight can be worked with in many ways. Eating disorders can be worked with in many ways. (I’m going to talk here just about weight you feel is more than you want to carry on your body, and we can talk about eating disorders like bulimia and self-starvation and body perception disorders and self-inflicted pain like “cutting” in another post where I can get an actual expert to talk with me about it…)

For me, starting with trying to tie anxiety and our personal cure for anxiety (eating for you) to something in our past is, to me, a waste of time.

To me, it’s old-fashioned psychotherapy – and in the time you’re taking to think about it and search for the “instigating” moment – you could be handling the situation quickly NOW – and at the SAME TIME healing the past – with more modern techniques.

New methods of healing emotional wounds and how they’re manifesting in the present are the way to go.And here are my total random thoughts on this subject – let me know if there’s anything here you haven’t thought of or done yet:

• I love Andrea Albright. She does “Spiritual Weight Loss” and talks about how food works and how chemicals in food wreck you and put weight on you…just good information. Get her newsletters. Follow her instructions about WHAT foods to stuff yourself with!

• Marianne Williamson just wrote a book about “spiritual weight loss.” More…

I was just in the studio with Jason Nelson, recording a fabulous interview with him that will be released early next year to my Monthly Interviews With Relationship Experts subscribers – and I asked him for an article around his “Soul-Based Relationships” coaching.  I think Jason is fantastic, and that looking at love this way is brilliant and helpful:

By Jason Nelson

My new coaching clients continue to tell me how they want something more from their relationships, both those dating and clients who are already in committed partnerships . . . but they can’t quite put it into words. They have a feeling perhaps or some semblance of an idea based on previous experiences. When they seek my help, they wish to better understand the ineffable quality they sense.

My answer, in so many words, sounds something like this, “The type of relationship you are describing is what I call a soul-based relationship.”

“What is that?” they ask.

I continue to explain: “A soul-based relationship is the natural, loving way we are meant to experience partnership with each other. Qualities of a soul-based relationship include being unconditionally loving, accepting, open to learning, harmonious, trusting, understanding, patient and More…

The thing about being a doormat is – it’s not very attractive to men.

The thing we’re afraid of is the thing they most want – a sense that we know who we are, love who we are, and will retain ourselves even as we become deeply involved and invested in a relationship.

So – what are we missing in getting this message out?

We’re either giving instructions about what we want, disapproving of what a man is doing, or just throwing ourselves at his feet.

This just plain gets you nowhere.

Strong on the inside, soft on the outside is something completely different.

It’s sort of – “I’m Okay – You’re Okay. Now, I’m open to seeing what happens when we’re together. More…