Have The Relationship You Want

 The Good Wife is one of my favorite shows ever, with one of my favorite actresses ever – Julianna Margulies playing Alicia Florrick – one of my all-time favorite characters.

At the very end of this season’s finale, there’s a cell phone conversation between Alicia and the man she’s actually in love with – Will, just as she’s standing in the wings of a major press conference ready to appear with her husband, who has betrayed and humiliated her, but repented and trying to become a better man.

It’s not that Alicia has not forgiven her husband for his infidelities and lying in the past…she simply has fallen out of love with him. She’s just not in a place where she feels it anymore.

This is what I’m always talking about – when a man treats you badly – you can choose to reconnect with him or not. You can, depending upon your circumstances react emotionally or logically. But bottom line – if a man treats you badly – you look at him differently.

If you’re a woman who thinks badly of herself – you’ll love him more for hurting you. If you think highly of yourself, you’ll think less of him for treating you badly – or even just marginally.

In other words – he doesn’t have to HURT you to make you think less of him – all he has to do is mildly neglect you, or just not step up and want to fulfill your basic womanly emotional and physical and survival instinct needs.

That’s why I love Alicia. She isn’t consumed with trying to blame him or with anger about what happened and what he did – she’s concerned with creating as good a life for herself and her children as she can. Sometimes that means being around him and caring about him because he’s the father of her children and because she has such a powerful history with him. And sometimes it means just not caring at all, and allowing herself to care about another man.

It isn’t about revenge. She just wants to let a man love her. It’s “may the best man win” – and the new man (actually an old flame) – is simply shaping up to be the far better man.

While her husband is working to “shape up” – Will already is a terrific man – in ALL respects. He’s honorable, smart, honest. And there’s no guessing where his heart is.

So – though she’s pulled in different directions…she’s always looking for the path that’s best for her and her children. Here’s how she handled this converstaion:

Will: I just want to make myself clear (he’s wanting to tell Alicia that he loves her and wants a real relationship with her…)

Alicia: No..

Will: I just need to say it straight out…when I look at you…

Alicia: No. Show me the plan.

Will: What?

Alicia: The Plan… I get the romance… I need a plan.

Will: Not everything needs a plan.

Alicia: Everything that matters does. I have 2 kids that mean the world to me, I have the press…waiting for a whiff of scandal…and I have a husband…So…If you want to cut through all that noise, then show me a plan.  Poetry is easy. It’s the parent-teacher conferences that are hard. I have to go now.

Here she hangs up, goes back to the wings, and is just about to be called onstage to stand with her husband, who is now running for public office again…

Will stands, staring out the window.

Then, back to Alicia – when her phone rings. 

It’s Will – she can see his name on the phone – and he’s calling back presumably with a plan.

What will she do?

Fade to black – we’ll find out next season…

So – How can this help us?

When a man keeps saying how much he likes you, or loves you, but isn’t ready for a commitment…follow Alicia’s instincts. You GET the romance…but you need a plan.

That’s why Circular Dating is so crucial. Until he comes up with a plan – there’s nothing to go on. There’s really nothing to say.

Alicia is a marvelous character who – instead of trying to bend other people to her will, instead of walking up to her husband or to Will and telling them what she wants and how to give it to her…she just goes about her life – living it as strongly and fulfillingly as she can. She savors the great-feeling moments, and doesn’t look for closure.

She speaks plain. She says it like it is professionally, as a lawyer, and personally, with her kids and everyone else.

And – she just keeps moving ahead until the men in her life put out a plan. Then she can make a decision.

This is just such a Siren way to be. You just keep playing on Siren island until the man shows up with a plan.

Love to you, Rori

Okay – I’m ga-ga over the moon for this film. I want Drew Barrymore to direct every single film out there – (especially the last “Twilight” ) – and can’t imagine why she’s not being offered every script there is…

What’s so great?

For me – acting – so complex, subtle, and all-of-a-piece that I KNOW it was Drew making it that way. She cast Daniel Stern, known for bug-eyed over-the-top work, and got a measured, natural, deep performance from him matching Marcia Gay Harden’s best work ever that put her in the Meryl Streep league for me.

And – the sisterhood aspect, and the love interest where Ellen Page shows you how it’s done.

A client of mine got the strength and moxy she needed More…

This is a post I found on EpicSelf.com by Amber Zuckswert (she’s very cool), and got permission to re-publish:

Toro sashimi dangled from my chopsticks as I sat gingerly on a bar stool gearing up for my much anticipated viewing of Avatar. Since it’s Christmas debut the futuristic Fern Gully has grossed close to $700 million dollars. In Australia there was a 3 month delay in movie releases so I had no idea this flick even existed. After hearing one spectacular review after another I knew I needed to see it in all it’s mind bending glory and spend the $20 bucks on the 3D iMax version. And though my butt lost all feeling at the 2 1/2 hour mark, flying through the rainforest on the back of a technicolor dragon bird pretty much made my week.

While the special effects and imagination behind the film are awe inspiring enough, More…

Here are some words of wisdom from Jake, the Bachelor:

To Corrie, who he obviously liked but couldn’t get close to….”I’ll pursue you, open up for me....”

To Gia, after he didn’t give her a rose and walked her to the waiting limo. He said their relationship had a lot of “stops and starts,” and Gia said that she was slow to “open up” – and here’s what he said to her that knocked me out, hearing it straight from a man:  “...That next guy…set your bar SO high, because you’re an amazing girl…Make him work for you…“

Jake is no brilliant philosopher – he’s just a regular sort of man – but sometimes he seems pretty deep because he’s such a straight-shooter.  He almost seems unable to not tell the truth.

I thought these two bits were powerful enough for a whole post…

Make him work for you.

Love, Rori