Have The Relationship You Want

I don’t like jealousy.

I don’t like feeling that way.

And if you’re like me, you were brought up to feel jealous.  I was taught and told pretty much that if someone else had something, then I couldn’t have it.  It was either them or me.

And at the same time, we women have been slammed from birth for being “competitive.”  Competition has always been the realm of men, and as we women are breaking through and creating incredibly satisfying lives in the world of work and careers, it’s getting even harder.  We want to succeed, but we don’t really, deep down want to do it over the dead bodies of others - especially not over the dead bodies of our men.

What we want is for EVERYONE to be able to win.  Except there’s only one person in each job in each company, only 2 senators per state, and only one actress getting the lead role in one move.  There’s no way to NOT compete.  And so there’s no way to NOT feel jealous.

Of course - another way to look at it is - “That job wasn’t meant for me,” “I’m supposed to be doing something besides being Senator or President,” (a lot of pain and competition around that this year) or “There’s something coming around the corner that will be even better.”

And this may be true, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.  Especially when it’s about love.

When someone else gets your man, it feels like a thousand knives being stuck in your heart. And all the high-minded thinking about what’s meant to be sounds hollow, and you just want to hit the person saying it (even if it’s your own brain).

So let’s try this:

When you feel it, say it.  Write it down.  Like this: “I feel jealous.” And then… “And it feels awful.”

And then…”So what?” And “Yayyy…I can FEEL!”

Instead of FIGHTING our jealousy, we have to find a way to move past it - into a place where we can gather our energy, our anger, our fear, and our jealousy, too - to create a NEW opportunity to have what we want.

That’s it - a new opportunity.  A fresh start, a new perspective, a new place, a new company, a new man.

And the amazing thing is - and all my clients experience this - when you focus on the NEW, on the FRESH, on making each moment count as if it’s got a great surprise gift ready for you to unwrap, the OLD starts creeping back.

It creeps back sometimes to pull our attention and drag us back into the mud of yesterday, or it shows up a something NEW.  I’ve seen OLD men turn into NEW men.  And I’ve seen OLD men show up as messengers to let you know for sure that you’re now in a PERMANENTLY new place, thank you very much.

First step to the New is always to feel what you’re feeling.  No denial, no shoving under the rug, no pretending.

Love, Rori