Here’s a letter from a great client who’s long-distance boyfriend put her at emotional arms-length because – he said – he didn’t like all the anger and fighting between them.

So – she’s quite brilliantly working on many Tools and things she can shift.

In this letter, she talks about :

***Dropping the Ball (she’s been pretty-much engineering, managing, and CARRYING the “ball” of the relationship)

***Using Feeling Messages and catching and expressing her anger so much more quickly…

“Hi Rori

I’m confused today. I’ve been using feeling messages with Bill, we haven’t fought in almost 3 weeks now – and he hasn’t contacted me since Tuesday morning. This is the longest we’ve ever gone without contact. So some things are better yet …

I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’m just being impatient and want our full relationship back now after making all these changes.
“Relationship tempo…” – I remember Christian Carter talking about this. And that we need more feel good moments. And they’ve been happening More…

In this age of internet and long-distance dating – this letter from Vickie struck me as powerful:

“Hello Rori,
Your dating advice has been AWESOME–so awesome that I’ve met someone who has all of the qualities I look for in a man. And the wonderful thing is that I’ve used your Circular Dating technique to help myself from falling head-over-heals and falling into the “instant relationship” mode, which was my past behavior. He is actually doing the pursuing, and I’m just sitting back and letting him! I’m amazed at how relaxed and carefree I’ve been in our “getting-to-know-each other” phase of the relationship. Now, however, I need your advice.

I’ve been chatting with him online now for about a month. He lives about 1000 miles away, and we will be meeting face-to-face for the first time More…

Long distance is too hard. I don’t wish that for any of you.  If you’ve married a career armed forces man – you will always be far away from him at one time or another.  If you’ve married a pilot, you will miss him much of the time.

If you’ve made the decision to marry a man where long-distance is built into the relationship – I so wish you luck and love – and I’m grateful to you for being a woman who can handle that, because we need our pilots and our servicemen.

I’ll help you make the best of that situation as you write to me…

BUT – if you’re making a decision just now about whether or not to become “the girl back home,” or the “girl who lives just over a state,” I beg you to reconsider.

This is not an easy life to choose.  And even if you feel it’s just temporary – perhaps you met him online and you’re trying to figure out how to see each other enough to create a serious relationship, or he had to find work in another city or state – the difficulty of maintaining such a thing is very, very challenging.

Here’s a letter from Kerri, who’s in the middle of trying to decide what to do:

“Rori, I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months. Over the last 4 months, he started withdrawing, so I have leaned back, stayed confident, let go of control of the relationship oars, stopped being the first to text, call, email, etc, started focusing more on me, always extra happy when he called….etc… He stopped withdrawing and seemed to be happy with where things were — the ball in his court. Then, seven weeks ago, he was called up and deployed within a two-week time span… More…

Have you ever stayed hooked on a man, afraid to do anything that would rock the boat, even though the relationship is totally stuck?

We all have.  And I don’t want you to do that anymore.

Here’s a letter from Jeanette to start the conversation:

“Dear Rori, I am in a long distance relationship and have been for 2 years. He says he is not ready to commit. I want that but he says it takes him a while. With his first 2 marriages, he said it took him 4 years each to make the decision. Well we are 55 and 57 years old. Come on!! I don’t think it should take this long…is he just stringing me along? Please help! Jeanette”

***Jeanette, here’s my short answer: Yes and No.

Yes, he’s stringing you along…and…

No, he’s not, because he doesn’t know he’s doing it. He thinks you’re OKAY with this. He thinks this is “dating.” He’s “expecting” to know what he wants to do about you…sometime.

In other words — it’s not his fault that you’re stuck like this — and so what we need to do is find your ANGER — and instead of turning it on HIM, use it to get you OUT of this stuck-in-the-mud situation and COMPEL him to step up and commit.

The problem here is in your interpretation of what he says and what’s going on.

What you need to do — right now — is

1. Circular Date. In fact…I would OFFICIALLY Circular Date by putting up an online profile, getting the word out to friends that you’re dating now, and going to events and classes that interest you so you can make new friends who will lead you to more men.

The exact how-tos of how to USE Circular Dating (even if you’re not technically “dating” right away) are in my Targeting Mr. Right program, and there are lots of free Tools around it on this blog…

The very fact that you would stay in a long-distance relationship this long with a man who has clearly told you he’s not ready to commit to you tells me that you’re terrified of real intimacy and a real relationship, so…

2. The work you need to do is to get yourself ready to get deeply involved with someone who doesn’t have such “issues.”

This would be my confidence-boosting Tools and Tools for getting strong on the outside and soft on the inside and becoming a MAGNET for men just because you’re so totally IN LOVE with YOURSELF — like in Modern Siren.

3. For now, just focus on my Tool of Feeling Messages – practice delivering them NON-STOP as a way to get more connected to your most important asset – your EMOTIONS, and learn how to express them in the most appealing and good-feeling way possible.

Most men are very lonely — especially at this age — and would LOVE to marry a woman who’s confident, financially stable and affectionate. Go find those men!

4. Get your focus OFF of this particular man. He may step up, he may not…either way — it’s YOU who must go forward.

And we’re all here to HELP you…

Love, Rori