It’s not your “negative” feelings that push a man away – it’s what you do with them.
It’s how you LIVE with them – because there are things in this world that Trigger us can make us feel sensitive and sad all the time.
And the way to live with negative feelings that pushes a man away is to RESIST them.
The way to live with negative feelings that BRINGS A MAN CLOSER is to FEEL them.
And that doesn’t just mean just feeling them for a moment and then moving on to something else to distract ourselves…
It means FULLY FEELING your feelings by SINKING INTO them.
How to do it? You’ll find a Tool specifically for the feelings of anger, jealousy and obsessive thoughts about a man in my Commitment Blueprint program, and in my new Modern Siren program, there’s a full set of Tools for sadness, and a way to handle that “wave” of feeling that sometimes hits us just when we wish it wouldn’t. You can look at both of the programs here: [catalog]
For now, try this:
When you’re feeling “negative,” and you’re afraid your “vibe” will push a man away – notice what you do – notice if you start TALKING (what so many of us women do when we’re uncomfortable).
Notice if you start all of a sudden getting “cheerful.”
Notice if you suddenly start trying to make things “okay” in your mind and smile.
Notice if you move TOWARD him – touch him, talk to him – in an effort to make the “bad” feelings go away.
And then stop yourself. DON’T DO what you INSTINCTIVELY want to do to feel better.
There’s a MUCH better way to feel better.
SINKING IN feels like this: It feels like you just “give up.” You just give up on trying to hold back the feeling.
Usually – when we stop holding back, all kinds of things happen – most often with results that aren’t what we wanted. It’s like a rubber band you’ve been pulling and pulling apart until it reaches maximum tension and then you let go and SNAP – it flies (and usually hits our man right in the face).
So try this: instead of “letting go” and letting fly, hang onto yourself in a simple way – don’t DO anything – just give up trying to hold it back. This way, the “rubber band” just returns to its limp, graceful shape without a reaction that creates a whole new set of issues and moments and feelings for you to deal with.
As you “go limp” and “give up” you’ll feel a whole bunch of things loosen in your body. Your shoulders will drop down, and what might have felt like an iron grip around your heart will lighten up a bit.
Now, let’s say you – like I was – are stuck in a car, or in a restaurant, or in a room with your man, and you can feel your resistance tightening in your shoulders and in your heart, and you feel like talking to relieve the pressure.
Step 1 – You notice what’s happening.
Step 2 – You do NOTHING
Step 3 – You FEEL whatever feelings you’re feeling, give up trying to hold the feelings back, and sink into them – as though those feelings are your deepest friends (they are).
Step 4 – Now you use Feeling Messages to communicate with your man, and we’ll talk about that next.