Have The Relationship You Want

How do you go first to deepen intimacy when you’re working with the experience of sex? (This is Part 3 of the 3-Part Sex and Intimacy Series – Here’s Part 1->)

Without initiating? Without doing ANYTHING?

You open up, baby step by baby step – and see what he does.

Even if he does NOTHING – you watch.

You smile. You melt. You are warm. You unzip your heart. You open.

If he can hold the space, if he can open up and then give to you, facilitate your opening up even more – then you’ve got a winner here.

And…then ON to more baby-steps!

If he continually moves backward – you are forced to step backward.

You are forced to step back and see what he does.

And here’s the trick – if you can step back but NOT close down…just stay open and see what happens… More…

How does sex work in a relationship? (This is Part 2 of a series – here’s Part 1 ->)

How can you get the most pleasure, the most enjoyment, the most learning, the deepest intimacy, the most help for the forward moving of your relationship – out of the experience of sex?

The way to go here is to USE sex to practice INTIMACY.

That means you have to feel safe.

You have to feel safe and open, so HE’LL feel safe and open.

You have to feel expressive and you have to surrender to yourself in his presence.

AND…

You can’t do this unless you feel safe.

The “hard” thing her is – even if you actually ARE safe with him (he’s actually a good, sensitive, caring, masculine energy man) – you may not feel safe with YOU (because there’s so much of you you don’t know, don’t acknowledge, don’t love) – and so no matter how great he is, you won’t feel safe enough to really open up More…

Sex is such an important thing – not because it’s so crucial to be having sex for sex’s sake (though it makes us healthier in so many ways…) but because it’s such a serious barometer for the health and intimacy level of a relationship.

It says so much about the physical and emotional status of each of you.

It demonstrates hormones – testosterone and estrogen.

And hormones say a lot about who you are in so many ways.

Here’s a letter that’s a good jump off about sex in a relationship:

“Rori, I went through the same situation with my husband and it was indeed a big red flag when a man rarely initiated sex. And my husband for the longest time trivialized the issue as if I made sex such a big deal over everything else. He was (and sometimes is) still in denial how important sex is in a marriage.

Long story short, we broke up because I was so unfulfilled and resentful so I strayed (let’s just put it that way at this point). More…

How do you go first to deepen intimacy when you’re working with the experience of sex?

Without initiating? Without doing ANYTHING?

You open up, baby step by baby step – and see what he does.

Even if he does NOTHING – you watch.

You smile. You melt. You are warm. You unzip your heart. You open.

If he can hold the space, if he can open up and then give to you, facilitate your opening up even more – then More…