Archive for the 'Targeting Mr. Right' Category

Do I Just “Go” With Whatever He Says?

other womenThe Question:

Sophia asks, “If I let go of the boy energy, does that mean I just accept and go with whatever the man I’m with decides?”

My Answer:

Yes.

Isn’t that amazing?

I just said yes to what seems like a distinctly anti-feminist suggestion. And we all know I’m a staunch feminist.

That’s because “going along” with this answer is not being a doormat.

It’s being a girl.

Notice: The question doesn’t ask “Do I go along with whatever he decides, even if he never asks me what I’d like?” More…

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8 Steps To Turn Your Feminine Energy Into ACTION!

IMG_0577croppedblurHi, This is Rori, and right now – you’re going to be Channeling energy, power, and FUN:

1. Write down all the things in the world that matter to you – that have NOTHING to do with a man.

It can be World Peace, it can be growing your business, it can be moving, it can be finishing a project – and relate any “smaller” ideas you get to a BIGGER end goal – a bigger DREAM that makes you feel happy.

2. Now make a list of anything you could do to help CHANNEL your energy, the power of your thoughts and feelings, into accomplishing any one of those things.

Yes – I’m talking here about Masculine Energy. This is total “BOY.”

3. Now look out a window (or imagine you’re looking out one) and write down things that are FUN.

Things that FEEL like fun.

I don’t want to hear a “have-to” in the bunch.

This is FUN CHANNELING.

We’re simply funneling and channeling the energy you’re using now to figure things out, to Problem-Solve into the happy, fun, ACTION, goal-oriented things on your list.

4. Now, purposefully schedule ways to keep that energy moving “out the window.”

Make an actual list.

5. Now – as you practice doing this, you’ll notice a lot of resistance from inside you. You’ll notice the desire to turn from this action work into thinking about a problem, a concern, or about your man – in your head.

You’ll notice yourself wanting to create action around the “thing” that’s bothering you – or around HIM.

Really catch that. Now…

6. Sink into the feelings – all of them.

Whatever they are…let them “roil” through you without judgment or comment…

…and the moment you feel ANY feeling that feels more about power than about defeat or concern or worry…

7. Then immediately go to your action list and TAKE AN ACTION.

DO SOMETHING from your list.

I really want you to associate your first feeling of power with action.

I want you to DO something from the list you have – whether it’s moving furniture, straightening your desk, walking outside, writing a letter to someone, redoing your resume, writing a business plan, starting the outline for your next book…whatever.

*It can’t be random with this step. It has to be something you thought up and wrote down.

If you read over your long list enough, you’ll remember a lot of steps, and so you can spontaneously do something from the list – but at some point I want you to:

8. Cross The Thing You Do OFF THE LIST.

I want you to associate the good, powerful feeling with a goal, with an action step, and with accomplishing it.

And this has absolutely NOTHING to do with HIM or “The Problem”!

To Get More Help Accessing Both Your Feminine “Be” Energy AND Your Masculine “Do” Energy –

…And get them BOTH expanding so far from where they are right now that you can FEEL the power they create – try my new “Have It All – Walking The Feminine Trail” Teleclass Membership program.

The next live Have It All teleclass is this Wednesday, April 15th, at 11am PDT!

Your investment in Have It All! is good for forever – and the first 7 scheduled live Have It All teleclasses (plus the hours of my studio recordings that are already available to you the moment you sign up!) are detailed on this page:

http://www.CoachRori.com/have-it-all-teleclass-membership/

Hope to see you and answer your questions on the Have It All calls..and please let me know how this Channeling Tool works for you…

Love, Rori

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Your Inner Boy Makes It Possible For Your Inner Girl To Just “Be”

You Can Have ItAllLet’s start with a list.

I really want you to sit down and write me a list about all the things you would do if you could make a difference in the world.

What if your making a difference in the world was simply about you finding more peace within you?

Would you breathe more?

Would you look on other people with compassion?

Would you look on yourself with love and compassion?

What would you do if you could save yourself, save the world?

Making this list is the job of your Inner Boy.

Your boy has the job of making the space for you to sit down or lay down on the floor and do nothing but breathe.

Your boy needs to make the space for you to go to a bar, to take you there, to sit you on a stool – so your Inner Girl can just sit and feel the sounds. Just sit and intuit what’s going on around you.

Your Girl isn’t bothering “trying” anything.

Least of all trying to “have fun.”

This is what your boy wants to doMake Something Happen – and by pushing and shoving you into “having fun” – without the power and compass of your Inner Girl to guide the “ship” that is YOU, you can feel seriously thrown off your Inner Girl’s “being state” of near meditation.

This expansion of the roles of your Inner Boy and Inner Girl is an art. It’s the art of being a Business Siren. It’s the Art of Falling In Love with everything so fully that living feels like a grand experience rather than a trial.

Today – Business Siren – BIZ begins for the very first time!

(It’s always been a part of Rori Raye Relationship Coach Training, incorporated into the 20 week Training – and this is the first time I’ve opened BIZ to ALL women Entrepreneurs.)

If you’re finding out about this just today - we start at 11am today, Monday, March 23rd, and we go for a breakneck six weeks of completely overhauling your work life.

To find out the details, and to squeak in at the last moment to claim the very last space today – check out BIZ here–>>

http://www.coachrori.com/business-siren-biz-course-business-empowerment-for-women-entrepreneurs/

Remember – this is NOT about shutting down your Inner Boy in order to allow your Inner Girl to just be.

Or shutting down your Inner Girl in order to “function.”

It’s about expanding the space you inhabit in this magical world of atoms, molecules and particles we can’t see or know about – so that both your Inner Girl and Inner Boy have much to contribute, experience and enjoy.

Love, Rori

 

 

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Are You Afraid Of Being “Weak”? – And “Have It All” Class Tonight!!

tiltheadHi, This is Rori,

A male friend of mine once told me how his wife is always talking about how difficult it is for us women to find a balance between “I’m afraid of looking weak” and “I’m afraid of looking ‘bitchy,’” and I just SO identified.

And the thing is – this problem strikes us no matter WHERE we actually ARE on our own scale of “success” in life and in love.

If we have a great boyfriend, but we want MORE – to be married – we feel afraid of being a weak “doormat” and just going along with whatever he wants, or of being a demanding “bitch” who “calls him out” on his fear of commitment and tells him how we want the relationship to go.

Reminder – The first ever Have It All! Teleclass is Tonight at 5:30 PDT, 8:30 EDT…check it out here…

http://www.coachrori.com/have-it-all-teleclass-membership/

How to solve this? First I’ll share what works for me:

When I find myself getting all worked up over details, “what happened,” “who said what,” and reliving things over and over again, I notice I tend to go to extremes. It’s as though I get really sensitive when I get really SMALL.

And…most things that have happened in the past, things that we have to think about in the future, things we have to deal with right NOW…are often really SMALL.

Getting them right or wrong might help or damage my self-confidence, depending on how much importance I put on the “thing” – but in the scheme of a whole relationship, most things really are SMALL.

Even the big presentation at work, where you’re sweating and nervous, isn’t usually a “make-it or break it” situation – but THINKING it is can MAKE it HUGE.

The “big” date with a man we really like will NOT “make or break” the relationship – but the PRESSURE we put on ourselves about it actually CAN affect how we feel and how we act, and so it CAN affect how the relationship goes.

I’ll write much more about this doormat/bitch problem, but for now, do this about the SMALL stuff (no matter how big it feels to you):

The next time your man calls, or comes over to relax, or takes you out:

1. Pretend he’s the nerdy guy you barely remember from high school who was totally clueless, totally almost invisible to you, and totally not worth your time to think about. When you get that feeling into your body…

2. Get your sense of humor back – think about something you or he did that was really silly, instead of imagining him as your knight in shining armor and the man of your dreams, think of him as a furry animal that straggled into your life who needs YOU to survive…

3. Tell yourself that the situation is SMALL and then

4. Get a BIGGER picture – imagine yourself in a BRILLIANT relationship, strolling through life as easy as can be, as happy as can be, maybe while you’re saving a piece of the world at the same time? One-handed?

Love, Rori

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Free New Siren Report: Have It ALL!

Have it all coverHi – This is Rori, and If you’ve ever felt yourself “holding back” from saying what you think, or moving ahead with a business venture, or stepping up in a work situation (including asking for a promotion or starting your OWN business as an Entrepreneur), you’re not only “not alone” – you’re experiencing the general “rule” for most of us women.

We’ve been SO taught that we CAN’T be “all that we can be” (no matter what the ads say) – it’s almost second nature for us to defer to others and then feel deeply frustrated that we don’t have what we want.

I mean to end that frustration for you with a new set of information, advice and Tools that will help you be a “Business Siren,” which simply means:

You CAN Have It All!

You CAN be successful in work and business and STILL get your man!

So – And I’ve got something new for you - a free report and set of free new newsletters filled with new “Have It All” and Business Siren Tools.

Here’s the link to get on the new “Business Siren – Have It All” newsletter list and instantly download your “Have It All” report:

http://www.coachrori.com/

So – What does Having It All exactly mean to YOU?

Regardless of the material things we all may want – for me, to Have It All means simply to be able to be a success in business, especially as an Entrepreneur working only for yourself, and a success in love.

It means not settling for sub-par and unfulfilling “work” OR for a sub-par, unappreciative, unfulfilling man.

Being A Business Siren gives you full access to your “boy” energy – AND full access to your “girl” energy – at the same time!

Instead of “choosing” what you need to be doing to get what you want in any given moment – you’ll be able to EXPAND BOTH of these energies, and simply “shift hats” as fluidly and as often as you like.

As a Business Siren, you’ll learn to believe in the Rori Raye concept that you CAN be a huge success in business, a money-making diva and a devoted artist happily creating what you want to create as much of the time as you like – AND – ALSO ATTRACT MEN!!!!

In fact – attract them MORE!

That with my Rori Raye Tools, you can be both tough and strong in the business world – getting things done and making hard and fast decisions – and also be soft when ever you want. You can be soft in love with a man – or in a boardroom! (where “soft in the boardroom” actually gets you WAY further than you’d imagine…)

Business Siren grew out of my Rori Raye Relationship Coach Training (RRRCT). As I train new coaches to go into business for themselves, I can feel how instinctively “hard” it is for them to commit totally to their success.

How we all are SO conditioned NOT to “take our work lives into our own hands” that everything else in our lives becomes more difficult.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years – it’s that, when we can’t get our “boy” energy fully engaged, fully operating, fully out there making us feel financially secure and content in our hours of working – we don’t have full access to our “girl” energy.

We don’t feel safe to “surrender.”

Being a Business Siren is about creating safety for your Inner Girl to just “be,” while she’s being taken care of, protected and supported by your Inner Boy.

Putting it all together is what makes a Business Siren so awesome. You already HAVE everything you need inside.

Now – all you need are the Tools and new skills of business and relationships that no one’s EVER taught you before – skills that will BRING you EVERYTHING you want.

And here’s your link to “Have It All” with my newest Tool: 10 Paths To Walking The Feminine Trail”:

http://www.coachrori.com/

To begin thinking and feeling like a Business Siren:

Remember – we ALL have to work – and work looks many different ways.

The Questions to ask are:

1. Can I get MORE for myself out of the hours I’m putting in? More satisfaction, more money, more respect, more prestige, more free time, more…anything?

2. What would I do for a living if the only consideration I had to think about was what I WANTED to do with my time and energy?

3. Am I settling for just “okay” in work, hoping I’ll make up the difference in my love life – and then not feeling satisfied there either? Am I giving up something for something else, and ending up with little of both? Am I making a trade-off somewhere that isn’t working?

4. How can I shift my view of my “obligations”? This might be: you’re a single mom. You have an ailing family member who needs your emotional and financial support. Your man has problems – medical, emotional or psychological that are draining you. Perhaps you have something holding you back from living full out?

Ask yourself these questions, and more that come up once you’ve answered these.

What the Business Siren element of the work we’re doing together is aiming for – is to expand ourselves.

The truth is - we have to go bigger out in the world if we want more love. By making ourselves feel smaller – we not only DON’T get the man we want – we feel less secure inside ourselves, and less happy with what we DO have going.

Be sure to let me know how the whole Business Siren concept “lands” with you – and how the “Have It ALL” report works for you.

I would LOVE to know what your experiences have been with the challenges of how work and a man can pull us in different directions…it will help me give you more of what you need.

Love, Rori

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Free RRRCT Teleclass On December 15th – Be a Rori Raye Trained Coach

tiltheadAsk Me How RRRCT Can Help You Be A Professional, Successful Rori Raye Trained Relationship Coach…

If you’re considering enrolling in RRRCT – the Fundamentals for 2015, learning how to help women in their love lives exactly the way I do and get personally mentored by me as a professional coach – you likely have lots of questions about how it works.

And not just how RRRCT works – but how it will work for YOU!

And so I’ll do a Q & A teleclass on Monday, December 15th, TWICE! – at 11am and 5:30 PST – to answer your questions -

1. To listen in by phone or Skype:

Phone Number to Dial: (425) 440-5100
Backup Number: (323) 476-3997
Conf ID: 269386#

You can also try these Local & International Numbers:
http://instantteleseminar.com/local/

2. Or go to this webpage to listen and write questions to me in real time:

http://www.coachrori.com/welcome-to-the-rrrct-free-teleclass/

If you’re not sure if you’re interested in being a professional coach, but would like to learn (or just listen in on) how RRRCT coach training and business mentoring work, I’d be happy to have you on the call.

If you’d like to just read about how RRRCT works, what it (and my teaching and mentoring) will do for you, and learn how you can be a practicing Rori Raye Relationship Coach – go here–>>

http://www.coachrori.com/be-a-rori-raye-relationship-coach/

Love, Rori

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Be A Rori Raye Relationship Coach – Enrollment Open!

Hi, This is Rori….and you can begin actually coaching clients and building your professional coaching practice – as a Rori Raye Coach-In-Training – starting January 19th, 2015 – just two months away!

Enrollment is now OPEN for RRRCT - Rori Raye Relationship Coach Training – beginning January 19th, 2015 – AND: The earlier you enroll – the more of my personal time you’ll get, and the quicker you can begin working with the materials before class starts!

Starting January 19th, there will be only a small, select group of women studying personally with me in RRRCT – Rori Raye Fundamentals, and getting personally mentored by me to be a successful coach.

If the idea of becoming a professional relationship coach triggers ideas and dreams inside you – let me know! Perhaps RRRCT can create the career change you’ve been imagining about but couldn’t quite put your finger on.

If you’ve been waiting for this opportunity, and would to talk with Melanie, the RRRCT administrator - or me!- write to Melanie@CoachRori.com or just use this form:

* Email
First Name

This way, I can personally know all about your gifts and dreams so I can mentor you quickly and help you hit the ground running as a professional coach.

For more about how Rori Raye Relationship Coach Training (RRRCT) works: logistics, costs and details on how the three “Modules” of the Training will work for YOU, go here:

http://www.coachrori.com/be-a-rori-raye-relationship-coach/

Being a coach is the hottest profession there is right now – and being in RRRCT guarantees you my personal time and attention (live by teleseminar!), plus hours of videos, audios and written RRRCT Manual included – AND you’ll get the Rori Raye brand name totally behind you business-wise.

It’s my job at RRRCT to mentor you to carry on my work – personally helping women all over the world – as I turn my potential future coaching clients over to you so I can focus on RRRCT and writing – and to help you have great fun, fulfillment, and financial security while you’re doing it.

http://www.coachrori.com/be-a-rori-raye-relationship-coach/

Love, Rori

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Don’t Get Over Him – Just Keep Going PAST Him – This Way

A recent client I’ll call Annie sent me this letter after our session, and it started a great conversation about getting over a man and “moving on” that will be helpful to you…no matter WHAT your situation:

“Rori,

I was going through my notes from last night and some of them are not clear to me this morning. I was hoping to clear them up and at the same time I have a request. Our conversation last night gave me a clearer way of looking at Bob and I would like to keep that clear picture so that my bad feelings won’t get me down.

In fact I thinking making a list(s) of reasons why I’m not at fault, why I’m more deserving of something better would be very helpful to me. Many times I need an outside perspective to help me and I really appreciate and respect your prospective. Would you help me make these lists so that I can review them anytime I want?

First reasons why I’m not at fault and it’s Bob not me… (note: I keep saying fault because the way he was treating me – sarcastically, mean, neglecting me and More…

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Please Let Your Squeeky Voice Comment

Hi all – just wanted to add something general to the “relationship advice” conversation that extends it out into the relationship we here in this community have with one another.   And it’s this: I know that so many more of you would like to comment but aren’t sure about it –  and it can feel a bit scary to come out in public and speak your mind…and I SO want to encourage that. 

Feel absolutely free to MAKE UP a NAME!!

You can even do it more than once (you’ll land in moderation the first time with a new name, but I’ll find you and get you out…) Make up a childhood name…make up a name that’s a squeeky or “unpleasant” or “the stranger” part of you – or allow yourself to imagine yourself as the “siren” you truly are! – and make up a name for you that makes you FEEL that way. 

And just take on this persona (it really is a part of you that you want to get to know and to practice expressing) – and try it out. 

You can write out in word-processing what you want to say, and work on it if you want, like a Power and Feeling Speech you’d work on with a man…even (and especially) if you have something pointed to say that you don’t think will be “well-received” or isn’t in the perfect “Feeling Message” style

Even if it’s “judgmental” – not of anyone else here, specifically please – but of some belief you have about men or life – or you want to complain – just state it as the words coming from that part of yourself!

If what you have to say is in anger at someone else – or even at me! – for what I say or what I allow to be said rather than control or moderate – then let’s find a way to get that out. (If you want to communicate to me personally about something that’s bothering you on the blog, and I haven’t already found it in your comments – please address it to my assistant Melanie@CoachRori.com – she’ll forward it to me and I’ll get to you as fast as I can. You can also go through Melanie if you’d like to get on my list for teleclasses or anything else you’d like to know about my private practice (still keeping it small so I can write 99.9% of my time, but also keeping it active so I have real-life things to talk about and Tools to share that work for real women in real life).

So – let’s see if this experiment works for you if you need a push to get into the conversation – and for those of you who find it easier to communicate like this publiclyand already have the hang of doing it in Feeling Messages  – please bear with and be helpful as “newbies” give the hard stuff a try…

Remember – we are all about Circular Dating all the time –  which is about continually triggering yourself on purpose in order to grow and shift and get braver and have more boundaries and self-confidence.

So if anyone here seems more confident, or “louder” than you are – and is making you not sure about commenting and joining the conversation – this uncomfortable thing is actually – to me, anyway – a GIFT to you! 

Really! In a very anonymous way, you can learn to take in the feeling of anger and upset and disturbance by whoever is triggering that, and then speak the truth here. And we won’t know who you are!

A bonus here – is we get to see that the person and the thought and belief that’s triggering us is usually someone, some thought, some belief that’s STRUGGLING inside us!

A person who is not modest and comes on strong and disturbs us is triggering the part of ourselves that doesn’t feel worthy.  That doesn’t feel like WE deserve success. When actually – it’s kind of helpful to watch other people struggle so publicly and loudly with their desire for success, and the actions they take toward it – which actions, by the way – are not EASY for most of us. 

We’re all a mix of extroverted parts and introverted parts, parts that think we own the world and parts that think we deserve the dregs of the world. The question is – do we all want to be “somewhere in the middle”?  A “nice balance” of extrovert and introvert, success and no success, love – but only “so much” love? Or is it okay to to be BIG!!!

How about we each find our OWN balance – the one that feels good to US – and let’s make it okay to travel up and down all over the map until we settle where we feel best? Experiment. Explore. Engage. Experience. Express. Expand. The 6E’s.

And here – this is the experimental ground. No one has to be perfect, or fully formed – or even PLEASANT here. The thing is to see what happens, what feels good – and TRY STUFF.  If you make friends in the process – you’ll know that the friend you’ve made has seen you as you are, and loves you as you are. And if you find yourself in a negative, complaining, judging space, you’ll get a chance to look inside and see if that’s all there is to you (I guarantee you, it’s not!).

If you’re getting the comments by email – one at a time – I know that’s going to be hard with such volume…let me know if any of you have ideas how to make it smoother, so the comments you don’t want to read or don’t resonate with can go by you without too much energy – sort of like life and men!

The truth is, taking actions toward success is so programmed into each of us as a NEGATIVE thing – we each need to experiment with a bit of what we might consider “rudeness” and “loudness” just to find out who we really are and what we really can accomplish.

If nothing else – this blog is a place for us to try out our wings.  I get to do it in my posts – you get to in your comments.

There are all kinds of places our wings can take us. And yet, being sucessful in ALL ways is something we’ve been all taught we can’t have.  Business success, fame, love – can we have it all?  Will (as I was taught from childhood) the other shoe “drop”?

Most of us are hiding our lights “under a bushel” – and it’s my job and my mission to help you let your light shine as brightly, and as far into the darkness of the world as it can (and who can even imagine how far that is?).

Okay – what if you get slammed by someone?  You won’t – if you state it this way…”I’m here anonymously – I’m trying out some riffing from a part of myself I’m not used to expressing and learning to love that part of me and process through my negative thoughts about someone or something else…”  and then close with – “I totally forgive myself for even thinking that I’m separate from myself or from love.”

If you need help, Daria’s comments might help you – she Riffs fearlessly…read some of her comments and see how far she’s willing to go!

Or look at Mercedes’ comments and see if you could dare to be so forthright! (Remember – you’re making up a name!)

It’s cathartic!  It’s self-empowering!

It’s all a magic act – believing we can soar and then jumping into the air.  Whatever I can do to give you a boost to try for a thrill – even in this tiny way of just writing out yor feelings, even if they’re not “nice…”

If it turns into a nasty mess – I’ll jump in and try to buoy it all up…but wouldn’t it be great if we could create here some of the “chaos” you find out in the world, and then learn to work through it in a powerful – FUN and HAPPY way?

Here’s to shaking it up!

Love, Rori

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Love Forever is Just a Bunch of Dating Moments Strung Together

Circular Dating is the “laboratory section” of “Love 101.” It’s practicing “in the field.” It’s Research and Development.

If you can look at Circular Dating as gathering data instead of as trying to make something happen – you’ll move much faster, feel much better – and actually have fun!

Circular Dating is a mindset, a complete sort of “reframing” of the whole idea of “dating,” an attitude, with a very nuts-and-bolts way of working your life in public.

Here are some ways to think about how to USE men More…

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