Have The Relationship You Want

Here’s a comment from Linda - (I just love dancing with my girl and boy energies - I used to struggle, and now I find it fun to make these choices to fall into “being” …and this comment is a great jumping off place…) - Linda says:

“I struggle with my “boy energy”. I have a man I want to show up on his door step… the results imaginary.  BUT…have come to the decision that I dont want a relationship that I have manipulated at all. I do want the one that he would initiate if that ever happens, that is what I want. For whatever reason, he is not able, willing, ready, or any combination of who knows what to be available for a relationship with me. That is too much thought into him and his stuff. Keeping my focus on me and what I feel is what I need to keep in from getting de-railed again. That is not productive energy.

If a man is not in front of you he is not real…. it sounds silly but it is true. It helps me when I get lost in thought wishing, hoping, dreaming… pining away for something that is not real only in my head.

Go back and read the post a few ago on the difference between girl and boy energy. It helped me discern what I was wrestling with. Doing, telling ,teaching directing is “boy” . For a take charge , keep things in order, and ducks in a row kinda woman that I am it is such a struggle to stop that and just “be”…

I hope it helps, please go read the post on the girl and boy energy. It was very helpful to me. If that man you were with wants to be your friend… in the words of Rori… Get your energy out of there…. it is hard but it can be done. Linda”

Thank you, Linda, for your lovely insights, and here’s my jump-off…

Linda, and all…I dance daily, sometimes hourly or minutely or even in bits of seconds, with my boy/girl energy.

It never stops, when you are a woman who likes being in charge and is good at it.

And that is me, just as it is with you and so many of us here.

What does happen, though, is you start to become more comfortable in girl energy, in being vulnerable, and you find throughout the day that you have many, many moments that are crossroads.  You have the choice to make — to go down the “take charge” route, or to give that up and go down the “feeling” route.

Once you start experiencing what happens when you’re just “being” - and it feels SO much better almost all of the time…your tension and stress just disappear in the experience - you just start letting go of the need to be in charge, and it just becomes easier to dance.  It becomes more fluid.  You fight yourself less.   You think about it less.

It’s like being in a bathtub or shower and deciding to enjoy the warm water instead of thinking about your day, or wondering how long the hot water will hold out.  Even that’s a skill you have to practice…and that’s what the Tools are for.

We skim the surface of life because that’s what we’re taught.

As you start to sink into the feelings - even the pain - instead of fighting them…you’ll see…it get’s easier to choose being over doing, and then…you have more energy for doing when it’s the choice you want to make!

Love, Rori

This is a guest post from Erin Ginkel - she sent me this out of the blue, and I thought it was so terrific, I wanted you to see it…I’ve since got in touch with her - and she really is terrific. She’s a life and relationship coach and you can find her here: www.alwayschallengeunhappiness.net -

Ever since I have started my amazing journey toward becoming a modern siren, I “hear” Rori’s teachings in pretty much everything I read, watch or listen to.

I recently watched a movie called “Take The Lead” with Antonio Banderas.This movie is based around a ballroom dance teacher (Mr. Dulaine) who takes it upon himself to start teaching ballroom dance (waltz, tango, foxtrot, etc.) to some inner city troubled teens. He is a very philosophical man and believes dance can be equated to life.

Several quotes in this movie were centered on the trust it takes to “dance” successfully with a partner. I have included a few examples below:

(Mr. Dulaine is trying to teach Rock and LaRhette to dance)
Mr. Dulaine: We are just going to move very simply.Let’s just walk.

(LaRhette takes a strong lead in the dancing and starts pushing Rock back on the floor–completely controlling the dance)Mr. Dulaine: No, no, no LaRhette, the man leads. It is the woman’s job to follow.

LaRhette: Oh, so if he gets to lead, then he’s gonna think he is boss?

Mr. Dulaine: No, but he is not.You see, the man proposes the step.It is the woman’s choice to accept by following. Now, to follow takes as much strength as to lead.
———

(Mr. Dulaine is teaching LaRhette and Rock how to dance the waltz.)
Mr Dulaine: The Waltz.It cannot be done without trust between partners.

LaRhette: Well, its not gonna happen.

Mr Dulaine: But trust must to be earned.

Rock: Good luck with that….

Mr Dulaine: Alright, I have something here that is going to help.
(Wraps his tie around her eyes so she cannot see)

LaRhette: Don’t put that thing on my eyes!

Mr Dulaine: I asking you to do something VERY courageous.

LaRhette: Besides dance with him?

(Talking to Rock about dancing with a blindfolded LaRhette)
Mr Dulaine: Now Rock, You have the opportunity to use every bit of strength and skill you possess–not to dominate her–but to take her on a journey.It is a lot to ask.
IF and HOW you take the journey–that’s entirely up to you.
———-

(Mr. Dulaine begins to dance with the school principal to illustrate a point to a group of disapproving parents.)
Mr. Dulaine: You see…if she allows me to lead, she is trusting me.But more than that, she is trusting herself.
———-

As I said, these quotes just seemed to jump right out of my television and into my heart. I love the piece about the man not being the “boss” just because he leads but instead it is us who make the choice to follow his lead. In the moment, it can often feel so very weak—to let him lead.It really IS a choice though. We forget that we could simply not dance at all. Technically, we make that choice to dance, to take his hand, to TRUST, from the moment when we very first commit to our men and every day after that.

I do believe choosing to follow does take as much strength as taking the lead.Rori’s “vulnerability equals strength” started repeating in my head as I watched this scene.It takes our courage because we have to actually trust ourselves—we have to LOVE ourselves.I know without a doubt that the ability to trust is DIRECTLY related to the love I have for myself.

We have to know that we are amazing and beautiful and fantastic and him leading doesn’t take anything away from that beauty.It actually adds to it.The fact that we choose to be vulnerable and let him “take us on a journey” makes him absolutely certain that we are the only girl in the room that he will ever want to dance with.

Erin
www.alwayschallengeunhappiness.net