Have The Relationship You Want

There’s a part of me that’s so concerned with not looking weak – I wonder if that’s the single biggest hurdle I face to being the most ecstatically amazing me I can be – and certainly intend to be. This “not looking weak” thing is almost as strong as my fear of “not being nice.”

I’m not sure how much of this is from my family and how much is from the culture, and school, and how I grew up in the first phases of Feminism and how it seems so “old hat” now.

I only know that I have to figure this out. Along with fear of “success” and being “greater than anyone I knew growing up,” this fear of being “weak” or “not nice” is like a ball and chain around my ankle.

I’ll be writing more posts about this, and I’d love to hear from you. If you’re feeling this, too – sort of caught between what you want and the old tapes running around inside your head, write to me and comment here.

Ever weep when you see a baby animal? Ever thought that would turn your man off, so you look away from him or get all embarrassed?

Well, that’s what we independent, smart, organized, successful, always busy with work, school or parenting women have been taught to do our whole lives – to be “tough.”

Some of us are lucky, and grew up in households where it was okay to cry – most of us were told to “pipe down.” We have the idea in our heads that it’s only MEN who were told growing up that “crying is s sign of weakness” – but we women were told that, too. We were told to not be “so emotional.” We were told not to “be a Drama Queen.” And so every time a real FEELING starts to come to the surface, we feel so vulnerable, and so embarrassed, we either stuff the feeling down or helplessly explode in dramatic scenes whenever we feel crummy.

So how does this affect your relationship with your man? If what we were told were right, we’d create more peace and harmony and good feelings by keeping our feelings under wraps – but it does just the opposite!

Not being able to open up to a man creates a WALL between you. It makes him unable to get to you – to your heart – and after a while he just gives up trying. There’s just no way a man can feel safe enough to open HIMSELF up to YOU if you can’t open up to him, and show him who you are – first.

Yes, a man might have a difficult moment or two around us when we cry, but within seconds, he’s usually RELIEVED. And, ultimately, it’s what both of you need.

So, next time you see a movie that makes you cry, or see a cute animal picture in an email, or think of some injustice in the world that makes you want to cry and then spit in fury – turn to your man.

Let the tears run down your face, and just be still and don’t apologize. This is what he wants to see – this is what he wants – a woman who can feel, so that HE can feel safe to feel in YOUR presence.

Next post will be “The Emotional Orgasm: How To Do it By Yourself or With Others” – showing you how to break through the embarrassment of being vulnerable by learning to cry by yourself – and feeling comfortable, relieved, stronger, and even more YOURSELF when you do…

Let me know how your tears affect your man…

Love,
Rori