Is Marriage Really All That?

I’ve always said that if you’re in your 50′s or older – are you sure “marriage” is your goal?

Many women who are financially successful (or at least stable and can take care of themselves for the rest of their lives), have a great social life, great personal interests, friends, and enjoy their lives on a spiritual and fun level have simply chosen NOT to marry.

They actually prefer the idea of having “lovers” – live-in and not, male travelling companions, a man who shares a house and travel – all kinds of other circumstances that don’t include marriage. The reason being – they don’t want the RESPONSIBILITY of “taking care” of a man late in life.

And they’re not worried about being “taken care of” – and so the trade off seems like a bad deal.

What about you? Does it matter what “age” you’re “over”? Is marriage really the be-all-and-end-all of relationship and love?

What exactly do you expect it to do for you, in particular?

Are you really, internally, in your heart and mind, fighting relationship because you really, deep inside, don’t want the “responsibility”?

At some point in any relationship – the physical fire recedes, and sex becomes about partnership – making time for it to happen, giving attention to it, making it happen, processing through it.

Sex no longer has a “life of its own” and takes off by itself. It needs to be considered, thought about, scheduled. Physical health gets factored in. Time and energy get factored in.

It’s your emotional and historical bonds with a man that keep the energy, love and sex flowing.

Even simple “fun” takes on a new meaning.

So – is it possible that there are other lifestyles beside marriage that would not only work for you – but work BETTER for you – and also give a man such a feeling of space and freedom and – yes – instability! - that would actually enhance the dynamic of the relationship?

If you could get past your own insecurities, and know that you’d actually be happy to trade responsibility for a bit of not-knowing the future – you might be open to something other than marriage.

For most of us though – marriage is so traditionally meaningful – it carries us through our own rough patches. We want what we’re supposed to have.

The thing is – if you could get past your fear of your future, and you could choose ANY kind of relationship – committed, lifelong, married, a series of fabulous lovers – how would you like that to look? Really?

Could you see a string of great lovers until a certain age – and then want a lifelong companion? Or can you see a long-term relationship and then freedom to be on your own – even in a retirement community when you’re in your 90′s?

Does the word “boyfriend” tickle you more than the word “husband”?

Does it really make a difference?

Different men feel differently about all of this – just like you do.

So, depending on how you really feel deep down (or what your deep inner beliefs you may not even be aware of are telling you what you feel) – that’s likely the way a man you’ll attract and be attracted to will feel deep down.

Even if it seems like you pick men who are the OPPOSITE of what you want – perhaps there’s actually a MATCH there that’s hidden from you. A match that’s way deeper than what you think you want.

We push away men out of fear and the need to control that comes from fear.

We insist on “official bonds and labels” in order to feel safe.

We ignore our own needs for adventure and variety and carefree-ness because we insist we need safety and security in order to have the lives we want.

Life is a balancing act.

There’s no way NOT to “teeter.”

So – do we get up on the “high wire” or stay off it?

AND – is marriage a high wire, or staying grounded?!!

Tricked you there!

Marriage can be a high wire act, or a retreat to a cave on land.

It can be whatever it most means to you.

The question is – if a man is perfectly good and wonderful, and your desire for marriage alone scares him – do you craft a different attitude and see what happens? Or do you leave him and focus only on men who are marriage-minded?

What are the trade-offs here?

In my opinion – if you treat a man in a truly loving way with absolutely NO agenda about what YOU’LL get out of it, if you love him and accept him unconditionally, if you have fun together and good sex together and laugh and can cry together – he’ll feel so unpressured that he’ll instinctively move closer and closer to you and eventually want to seal the deal officially, for his own reasons.

But the journey to being with a man and having NO agenda is the tricky part.

And that’s what Circular Dating is for. For making you feel like you can abandon your agenda and just feel your way from man to man, experience to experience, until one scenario, one man, one situation appeals to you enough to go in whatever direction it takes you.

Marriage is a great goal – because often the best men want to be married.

And then there’s George Clooney. He doesn’t want to be married, he doesn’t want to have children. Yet.

You get to decide where you want to be in this – and how much instability you can tolerate as a trade off to how a relationship feels to you.

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

983 Comments to “Is Marriage Really All That?”

1: Shar lean way back says:

I am 55 and just married for the 2nd time. I was divorced for 27 years. I have to say the minute we were married I felt more bonded.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 7:33am
2: Olympia says:

I am 32, never been married, enjoyed an adventure of boyfriends, vacation flings, lovers…. Where I am in life now, I believe in marriage, I want the responsibilities that come with it. I want to have kids too, within a marriage.

I have been using Rori’s tools, and it amazes me how freely my boyfriend talks about a future together now, and we’ve only been exclusive for 2 months! I had a relationship for 3 and a half years where we never talked that way.

I feel excited about this topic!

Hope all the East coast sirens are staying safe and dry today!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 7:55am
3: April Rose says:

“So – is it possible that there are other lifestyles beside marriage that would not only work for you – but work BETTER for you – and also give a man such a feeling of space and freedom and – yes – instability! – that would actually enhance the dynamic of the relationship?”

Hmmmm. I like the idea of a creative relationship. Especially a kind of ‘marriage’ where we don’t live together day in day out. I believe the humdrum feeling creeps in. I want my relationship to stay alive and sparky.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:09am
4: Agni says:

I feel confused by this: “if you treat a man in a truly loving way with absolutely NO agenda about what YOU’LL get out of it…” I understand the importance of no pressure/agenda, but isn’t part of being a siren being more concerned with how YOU feel rather than what he feels?

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:22am
5: April Rose says:

“We push away men out of fear and the need to control that comes from fear.”

Oh yes.
This is how I lost WM.
I did not ‘let him in’.

Until now.

Yesterday I was carrying some glasses and I tripped and fell on them and they smashed. WM ran over to me and insisted on checking my hand for cuts. One finger had a deep cut and blood coming from it.

He took charge and led me into the kitchen and I ran water on the wound whilst he went to fetch the first aid kit.

Then he sat me at the table and cleaned my finger with antiseptic and then put a plaster on it.

The whole time this was happening I felt soft and grateful and cared for. I hardly spoke. The feeling of his warm fingers on my skin melted me and I surrendered to his care.

He put the plaster on just right – not too tight or too loose.

I feel amazed at these moments we shared. I felt happy and safe in his care.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:22am
6: Calypso says:

I honestly don’t know if I will ever want to be married again. I was married for 23 years and now I have to pay him alimony – marriage did not equal stability for me and I don’t see what I would get out of it. The thought of it right now makes me feel “trapped” – I like the freedom to chose and the fact that I have my own home and my own space.

I’m open to the idea of this changing in the future – after more time goes by and maybe if i meet the right man or if one of the men in my life already convinces me that it is worth it.

No rush – that’s for sure! I’m 48 and I like being single.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:31am
7: Goddess Lily says:

Posting to get this to come to my email.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:35am
8: Mercedes says:

I choose lifelong companion!

“In my opinion – if you treat a man in a truly loving way with absolutely NO agenda about what YOU’LL get out of it, if you love him and accept him unconditionally, if you have fun together and good sex together and laugh and can cry together – he’ll feel so unpressured that he’ll instinctively move closer and closer to you and eventually want to seal the deal officially, for his own reasons.”

I don’t know if J and I will ever “seal the deal officially” but he/we certainly “sealed the deal” emotionally. To me, that is way more loving than doing it “officially”. I love where we’re at. It (to us) feels more like what marriage is supposed to be. We look around and see ourselves in a much better “marriage” than any of our married friends. Someone is shining a light on us and we’re incredibly grateful for that.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:37am
9: Mercedes says:

I said this: ” than any of our married friends” but meant this “than most of our married friends”.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:39am
10: April Rose says:

Agni,

For me, having an agenda is the same as having expectations.
I have felt so frustrated with my expectations not being met.
Dropping them allows him to come towards me in HIS way.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:41am
11: Agni says:

@April Rose. Yes, I agree. How does one distinguish then between expectations/agenda and standards/boundaries? I get confused and have been hurt.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:52am
12: Heart says:

Gosh, I had a bit of an ah-ha moment tonight…I was chatting with a guy and practicing sharing my feelings and the conversation was going great…and he said I should trust him and he would offer me a sweet friendship…

So I thanked him but then said : I want to have fun and I want romance …

Here’s the interesting part, I cringed when I wrote “I want romance” ….Wow…I believe I might have also felt embarassed by writing that…

The guy said he wanted romance too and that he was just too shy to write that….hmmm..

Why did I cringe – is it because I’m stuck in masculine energy r am I just turned off by convential notions of romance?
I feel so intrigued by this cringing…

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:56am
13: MissStix says:

Rori

Thank you. Thank you thank you!

My marriage fell apart so quickly and heart-breakingly after our wedding. I find it feels impossible to equate a wedding with stability, safety, connection, a bond. I no longer feel any emotion around weddings. No more triggers. But the feelings are so non-existant…I might go so far as to say a ring and a wedding means nothing to me now. So, if it means nothing to me…I can see no valid reason to want to do it.

I also look at my current relationship and feel so floored by it sometimes. I feel a little bit amazed at how fully, openly, and un-conditionally a man can commit to me without any kind of desire for “official” on my part. One thing I know for sure…I would have to PUSH him away for this man to ever leave my side. Since the “pushing” has changed roles with the “being”…The pushing, now, looks and feels like an incredible amount of spent effort and energy, and the being looks and feels so effortless…I simply can not see that happening.

What I want is a solid, strong, lifelong bond with a good man who has strong values. I have it. I need nothing more.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:06am
14: Dominique says:

Here is more on expectations -

http://sexandheart.com/what-can-you-expect-from-your-man

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:07am
15: Starla says:

my uncle and his family live on long beach NY, 1000 ft from the bay and 3000 ft from the beach, and their island is flooding big time, and they decided to just stay put…. and this bothers me big time.
trigger of the week.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:07am
16: Tam says:

revealing oneself is always a bit cringey…I feel very scared about speaking my mind and my truth..especially in feeling messages..I cringe often.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:08am
17: Heart says:

So …I’ｍ not attracting Overtly romantic situation because I closed to it…I feel afraid & shut-down-ish and numb and umomfy and embarassed when men try to get overly romantic… Eek
And yet I say I want romance…
I like it…but in moderate doses…
Wow…such an interesting realization.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:10am
18: Tam says:

oh Starla….we had a big storm surge here and it was not even close, streets are still getting flooded at high tide. I hope they will be ok.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:11am
19: Mercedes says:

MissStix: “What I want is a solid, strong, lifelong bond with a good man who has strong values. I have it. I need nothing more.”

LOVE!!!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:11am
20: T-Girl says:

Its not marriage that scares me but the ability to sustain a life long love. Does it even exist anymore? I hope so.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:15am
21: Heart says:

16 – Tam – that is so true…but this time it felt like I was being fake…like I was pretending to want something I didn’t want…Like I was Speaking My Lie rather than speaking my truth.

Hmm how do you know the difference between speaking your truth and Speaking your lie.

I feel confused by my own motivations.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:15am
22: Dominique says:

T-Girl – Yes I think so, maybe more especially so if you come together later in life, for by then you really know what you want and don’t want. But this could be true just as well for a younger couple.

I have this. Miss M has this. Rori has this, and I know of others, not many, but this is not meant to discourage, actually quite the opposite.

Too many head into marriage or “marriage” with blinders on. Since you are here, you no longer have these blinders. So yay all of you. Brava.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:20am
23: MissStix says:

Agni

For me, it looks like this (and this feels very important to me so I will try to explain it right):

My journey with Rori, and being a siren started out with this in mind “how can I get a man to stand by me? How can I positively make changes so I become the desirable woman. So I can feel secure?”

Along the way I have made so many discoveries about myself, my feelings, my needs. I have spent so much time and thought and felt so much with this process. Now, it has become 100% entirely about taking care of my own feelings and needs. I can feel, and my own feelings are about nobody but me. Regardless of what or who triggered those feelings.

So…What has happened is that my expectations, my needs, my desires have naturally become severed from anyone other than myself. It isn’t about any man, or what he wants, needs, desires or how that relates to me. Having a man desire me fully and commit to me has become a separate entity. A wonderful thing that has happened in my life.

What i’m about to say next isn’t “advice” it is just what happened…

When a strong and committed relationship became separate, and no longer the “goal” of feeling and healing…It is just what happened. Poof. Magic.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:26am
24: Heart says:

♬and I was like baby baby baby ooh
like baby baby baby noo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:29am
25: ruth says:

What a refreshing take on the subject of marriage

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:34am
26: CurvySiren10 says:

Wow I love this post Rori. I have SO many thoughts about this…. I have very strong, personal feelings about the concept of “LAT” (Living Apart Together) where couples make a conscious, mutal decision to be committed (and often legally married) but do NOT care to combine living space and/or finances and/or personal property. It’s often a living arrangement of choice for older couples with their own commitments and lives and children that they do NOT wish to “blend”. But young couples do it too. It’s become common enough to become a census category. Over a million in the US, three times that amount in Europe.

I am personally living this right now and LOVING it for oh-so-many reasons. But I am over 50 and starting over (like Calypso) after a 23 year marriage. I just wasn’t ready for that collision type of relationship and this is a very real option to be committed without that happening.

April Rose, I have those same fears about keeping the relationship “alive and sparky”. I think there is built-in resentment and complacency with live-in relationships. At least for me. I’ve learned that about myself and am respecting it.

I feel curious to hear other’s thoughts and feelings on this blog topic.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:38am
27: Goddess Lily says:

Awww sh!!!!!t

My man crack from ages ago just friended me on fb. mother effing f. Yeah I said it. He stopped talking to me because his cousin lied to him about us. And although I was hurt, that was probably the only way I was gonna let that one go…..and now he’s back?

I choose to believe he is reappearing to test me. My ultimate test.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:44am
28: MissStix says:

hrmmmm

So, what is my goal?

My goal is…To walk through anything in life with feeling, grace, and power. To feel strength even in the deepest possible despair. To see myself as beautiful, radiant, and lovable. To really feel each moment in life. Even the tough moments, the scary moments, the sad ones. To live my life, and gain my wisdom and knowlege through feeling and experiencing. To share these feelings and experiences with people I love. Openly. To me, the meaning of life has always been experience. This goal feels solid and relevant to what life means to me. I thank Rori from the depths of my soul for leading me down a path of feeling. I see no other way, now, to fully experience life without fully feeling it.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:45am
29: Mercedes says:

“I have those same fears about keeping the relationship “alive and sparky”. I think there is built-in resentment and complacency with live-in relationships.” – Awwww…I think that’s sad…and I hope it isn’t true. I refuse to believe it is true for me, but I hope it isn’t true for anyone else either. I don’t think there’s a “built in” anything in a live-in relationship. I think relationships are what we allow them to be. I allow mine to be alive and sparky.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:46am
30: Starla says:

all my romantic desires are coming for me
i feel open and deserving

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:50am
31: MissStix says:

That moment of soul wrenching despair 4 years ago is equally as important and meaningful to that moment of insane blissfull ecstasy in the waves in St. Maarten last spring.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:50am
32: Smile says:

Hi Megan, 1088 from previous thread.

Oo actually I was in a rush on my way out to work. I meant to post this. The one below it.
http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/post-directory/

I find it useful to find bits. It’s where I found the article I posted that related to your situation.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:51am
33: Smile says:

I’m off to buy a pretty dress!!!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:51am
34: MissStix says:

Both moments taught me something.

I love that I could feel so intensly good with no man by my side. I also love that I could feel so intensely bad with a man by my side. I love it all. I learn from it all.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:52am
35: CurvySiren10 says:

Mercedes, I agree that relationships are what we allow them to be, but so many people don’t have the insight, skills or awareness that fosters a healthy “alive and sparky” relationship. I know that it is all about what works for you, just adding in my two cents about what works for ME…and why. I LOVE this arrangement, while respecting that it wouldn’t be right or enough for someone else.

What I meant about the “built in” statement is that without awareness and ability to communicate, keep the relationship resentment free etc. that couples often quickly fade into a “built in” state of conflict over things that are inherent to sharing space and “things”.

I know that you don’t have the financial meld in your relationship (something very important to me too) so you “get” some of what I’m trying to say I think.

I just loved Rori’s take on how “happily ever after” can mean very different things to different people.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:52am
36: ruth says:

35
Curvy Siren.Yes quite so.
we are all different

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:56am
37: Goddess Lily says:

And apparently he’s engaged! Wtf! D@mn you fb!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:59am
38: Starla says:

I stopped taking my daily supplements, as amazing as they were, because the b vitamins in them are making me breakout pretty bad.

These supplements have amazing antioxidants in them, and made me feel amazing, but vanity won.

So I went to the grocery store and bought loads of fresh veggies and fruits, and I intend to eat like a goddess every day.

I am learning that the human body doesn’t need to eat nearly as much as we’ve been told by society, but this is a major thing to shift mentally and physically, and I’m not sure how to explain how I got to this point. But in cutting out meat and being very mindful about what I’m putting in my body, I seem to have achieved a certain kind of enlightenment and mastery about food and my health.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:06am
39: Starla says:

oh yeah, and i successfully dyed my hair very dark all by myself without creating a huge mess or looking awful. i like being a dark brunette:)

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:07am
40: BAB says:

Humm I’m struggling with the feeling this brings up. When my parents split after 8 kids and 35 some yrs together I made a vary rash angry statement to myself that I never wanted to get married and have kids so as not to put them through what I was going through. Now I believe I only sad that out of grief and sadness because everything I had know and believed was suddenly turned upside down. But a very small part of me wonders if it was true on a deeper level and that Iam now just scared of what that’s means…

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:08am
41: Dominique says:

Calypso, CurvySiren, and any others feeling concerned about the spark dying. It doesn’t have to. It hasn’t for us at all, and we don’t have to schedule any of it in. It just is. Even after ten years, even after finally marrying this part June, we still have an abundant attraction for each other with an equally abundant sex life. And the care and affection is also still VERY present.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:15am
42: Dominique says:

Oh and certainly not a trace of resentment or complacency. I can’t even imagine this.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:16am
43: Shar lean way back says:

Starla, did you write down what you were eating to become more aware? Or make a mental note? I know you said you weren’t sure how you arrived to the “enlightment” but any tips you can think of?

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:16am
44: Femininewoman says:

RE 41 Dominique I know of a couple in their 70s that this seem to be the case also. At least around the attraction. I feel deeply touched when I see them together and how he seems to be tender towards her. Some dementia has obviously started for her but he seems to be unperturbed by it.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:17am
45: Nadia says:

Agni, I’m with you. I have a hard time walking this fine line of not having expectations and yet not being a doormat. I think a part of self worth is actually being able to have expectations by raising the bar and realizing you won’t settle for crumbs. To me, this feels healthy.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:20am
46: Calypso says:

Dominique – I’m actually not worried about the spark dying – I know it can be kept quite healthy and alive – I’m just not interested in being legally bound to man at this point in my life. My ex husband was not a good provider for me and our sons and now I am legally required to pay him alimony every month. I want the love and affection and sex and travel and friendship and all the rest, but i also want the freedom (for both of us) to know it is not a legal committment. Not right now, anyway.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:33am
47: Tam says:

I totally understand CurvySirens point also, having been in living together and not living together relationships. It is different. Complacency does sneak in, can also call it ‘feeling comfortable with each other’…not necessarily bad? For someone like me who is essentially shy, it helps me open up to a partner. However, I have not been in, or seen one relationship where this doesn’t manifest in some way, a little tiny way, or a big way – can be in a good way and in a bad way.
Otherwise we would not have saying like ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ – I know this reads harsh and I will get a lot of stick for this, but it is what it is.
Still, if I had the choice I would choose to be in a live together relationship or marriage as I like the closeness, it feels good to me.
But also, there are people who do not.
I guess everybody is different.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:35am
48: Dominique says:

Nadia – There is a difference between having boundaries an having expectations. The latter will disappoint you most every time.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:41am
49: Dominique says:

Calypso – And this is awesome. This is about you having the relationship YOU want.

I didn’t want the legal thing either. But more recently, it became more difficult not having it, so we did finally marry. I don’t feel any different at all.

You may or may not change your mind, and it really doesn’t matte as long as you have what YOU want.

love to you.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:43am
50: Tam says:

I never wanted/believed in marriage.
However, recent events have shown me that for a man who thinks of a woman of his forever woman, marriage is on the table even if she might not want it.
I had the biggest self confessed commitment phobe in Florida offering to marry me – so I am absolutely sticking by that. I feel even extremely amused just to know this fact.
I also had a man fresh out of a divorce, well couple of years, who had previously announced that he would ‘never get married ever again’ ask me to marry him.
So although I do not need marriage – I definitely want ‘my man’ to want to marry me – does that make sense? Because it helps putting me at ease that he would actually see me as marriage material, i e his woman.
I never believed in that but now I do.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:44am
51: Agni says:

@MissStix

Thank you for sharing. I too want a journey like the one you’ve been on, where I am at the center of my healing, and everything else is icing on the cake. I still feel at a loss of how to take care of my own needs, what that looks like and feels like for me. Sometimes–actually often–my feelings feel SO BAD–sad and painful, that I drown in them. I’d love to know more about your process, if you are willing to share. I also have the belief that the right relationship can enhance healing. How did the strong and committed relationship become separate?

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:47am
52: FlowerChild77 says:

Dominique…could you explain, somewhat, the difference between having boundaries and expectations? I find myself wondering about this along with the others who’ve expressed confusion about it.

I’m thinking that having expectations would bring ‘attachment to the outcome’ and probably has something to do with it, but I’m still not clear in my mind as to the real difference.

How can we tell if we’re being a Siren (high degree of difficulty, etc.) or if we’re going into a situation with ‘expectations.’ Is it attitude? As in, the man doesn’t treat us the way we want/need and we just say, “Next” instead of making him wrong?

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:06am
53: Dominique says:

Tam – 47 – “familiarity breeds contempt” – oh no hon, it doesn’t have to. how about instead, familiarity breeds contentment. this is what I have, and I am not alone in this.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:09am
54: Dominique says:

Flowerchild – It sounds as though you do understand. Boundaries are those things which would be deal breakers when crossed. As long as your boundaries are more or less clear (and it’s okay to have them be flexible; I actually encourage this as a part of being surprised and in awe in most ever moment), the rest just try to remain as open as possible, more of being surprised.

Allow him to show you love in HIS way, and learn to love it if not prefer it. Instead of having a specific outcome in mind, allow for whatever happens. it might very well be better than anything you could have come up with on your own. But had you had expectations, you wouldn’t have been able to appreciate whatever it is fully if at all. You may have even missed it.

Did you read the old article of mine I posted on the last thread? it may help clarify more.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:15am
55: BAB says:

Flowerchild- thank you for asking that question and for putting down what you thought about it! So helpful to her your take and then have Dominique answer and give her thoughts. I love keeping everything fresh in my mind.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:20am
56: Tam says:

Dominique, I am not saying it has to, hence I referred to ‘contentment’ in that comment also…but you know, that is the reality for a lot of couples and to say it isn’t would be to close eyes and ears to it.
I see it all the time.
Am I the only one?

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:26am
57: Goddess Lily says:

Maybe the contempt part comes with couples who didn’t really know each other in the first place.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:30am
58: Tam says:

Goddess Lily, it is possible…but if I really counted all the ‘put downs’ and sniping that people in long term relationships do to each other and I keep catching all around me, then I could have a blog all of myself…it really is sad. The ‘good ones’ seem few and far between.
Sometimes it seems the ‘glue’ of some relationships is a co-dependency that looks very unhealthy to me..hm. I am not a cynic just an observer.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:32am
59: Tam says:

even the good – great – relationships I see have more ‘friction’ down the road (not that this is a bad thing), than they had right in the beginning (the in-love chemical stage), or when they were not yet living together – to deny that this is almost ‘natural’ seems a little, ermmmm…false to me?

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:35am
60: BAB says:

Tam- Some people learn as children that sniping and put downs are normal and just something that couples do. I know personally I have done it to my SO and it hurt me just about as much as it hurt him, and he has done it to me. We always apologize if we catch ourselfs, but we are not perfect.
His parents always put each other down and his mother continues to do it to him.. My parents put each other down as well, I’m not saying it is right or an excuse to continue just that maybe these couple you refer to may not even realize it is not health or right?!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:38am
61: Dominique says:

Tam – 56 – I understand, really I do. I guess what I’m suggesting is choose not to see this. Choose to see the good relationships, the ones you would want for you. Law of attraction. The more you look and see these ones, the more of them will appear, one for you even.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:42am
62: Tam says:

Bab, yes, I saw this in my family too – so I do know what I don’t want in my life

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:42am
63: Mercedes says:

Dominique – Every single time I thought of a response to something someone else said…well…you already said it.

I don’t know what the “norm” is, but I am feeling very, very fortunate to have my love and to know people like you and Rori who also exist with your loves in the same way. So many negative images placed on people in long term relationships…so many hurtful words…so sad really. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Thank you for being you.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:45am
64: Dominique says:

Tam – Again I don’t see put downs or friction as being natural. This is learned behavior, and without awareness, it will continue. You have the awareness, so why even worry about this happening to you. You can look at these people with compassion, feel sad they haven’t “gotten” it yet.

I can tell you honestly that any friction experienced in our relationship has been fleeting and every time due to hormones on my part or work related stresses on his, and when I say fleeting, I do mean fleeting.

We NEVER pit each other down, not ever.

I choose to believe anyone can have this if this is what’s wanted.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:47am
65: Tam says:

61 Dominique, I had one amazing 5 year relationship already, so I do know…I am just commenting on what I have been observing…and unless I put my hands over my ears and close my eyes like those three monkeys that we all know, I can’t help BUT observe – the good and the bad…

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:48am
66: Dominique says:

Mercedes – <3

I don't know how much longer I'll have internet, phone is out, cells to. A tree came down just outside our window. Fun times.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:49am
67: Tam says:

I do believe in the law of attraction to a certain extent, but it has never explained to me why small children die of cancer, starvation, get abused etc etc – they didn’t ‘ask for this by thinking negative thoughts…sooooo you know, of course good feeling thoughts make us all feel good – but there is also reality…feels weird to pretend it isn’t there….but now I feel like I am arguing over a moot point and I have work to so….so no more

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:50am
68: BAB says:

Mercedes- Iv noticed a lot of my relationship problems and personal expectations were perpetuated by people around me telling me what I should and shouldn’t do, accept and not accept etc. it really did a number on how I looked at my man. Making me think less of him and our love and I generally making me unhappy. I can not believe I let other people’s negative ideas and there personal expectations that they were projecting onto me and my relationship( style) drag me down I feel very sad realizing this and wish I could go back.
then again I’m feeling a confidence in myself right now that’s, not so bad.. Lol

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:50am
69: Dominique says:

Yes Tam, yes, yet I still suggest taking in only what you want for you. The rest doesn’t matter, to YOU. It’s there. You can observe, but try not to invest any more energy into it than that.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:51am
70: FlowerChild77 says:

Thank you Dominique, I guess I do understand. After realizing (and accepting!) D’s “love language” and how HE showed his love—I was so touched and blown away, many times, at how thoughtful and loving he was. It just didn’t LOOK like what I thought it should look like. Didn’t mean it wasn’t real <3

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:52am
71: Mercedes says:

Dominique – Be careful dear! J has family in that area too. So worried about everyone.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:53am
72: MissStix says:

One thing I have noticed in my parents marriage is…When the bicker or argue, and they do, there is almost always an air of good humour, and rarely ever “sniping” or blame.

And something my mom confided in me (she was 19 when she got married) is that she thought she was in love when she got married, but learned that she had not really been in love with my dad. She said “When I actually fell in love with him, around five years into our marriage, is when I realized I hadn’t been in love with him at all. I just thought I was.” She told me when got married and moved in were the toughest years of their life. They weren’t prepared or ready. I won’t share more than that, as a lot of things she tells me feel so private…

I think there is so much to learn from my mom, and dad. 40 years together…I only see their bond growing stronger.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:53am
73: Mercedes says:

MissStix: Your parents sound amazing! I know so many people who just thought they were in love (been there myself). I’m so happy for your mother (and father) that she did fall in love. That is beautiful!!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:57am
74: Dominique says:

There you go Flowerchild. When I finally saw how K told me he loved me every day, many times a day, just without words, my whole world changed as did our relationship.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:59am
75: Dominique says:

MissStix – Just goes to show that love can grow without having an initial WOW.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:00pm
76: FlowerChild77 says:

Dominique (and all who are in the storm’s path) you are in my prayer/meditations that you may be kept safe and that your homes/property are not damaged causing financial hardship, etc.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:01pm
77: MissStix says:

Agni

I don’t really know how it became separate…It just kind of happened somewhere along the way. It feels difficult to pinpoint it in my mind to explain it. The process has been such a ride! I guess…I just realized that my worth, my value, my lovable-ness, my beauty do not rest on what men, or the man I am with, think or feel or want or don’t want. They rest solely within me.

I have felt myself drowning in feelings…I went through a whole process of teaching myself to “shift” feelings before I realized it was more beneficial to love them. I welcome them now. I learn from them. The way I did this, and the only way I know how to do it, is writing those feelings out. Removing all blame. Showing those feelings compassion and love. I know that if no one else in the world has compassion or acceptance for my feelings, I do. I have accepted that there is nothing to fear in any feeling, even big “bad” ones.

I’ve been on this journey actively learning and growing for over 2 years now…I think if I explained it all beginning to end i’d have a novel on my hands. lol So i’ll just say…Hold it in your heart that this is what you want and dive in head first. You’ll get there.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:10pm
78: Heart says:

i want pancakes with syrup …mmmm
and coffee ♥

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:14pm
79: kdr says:

I’ve lately been thinking quite a bit about one aspect of this.

I am not religious and I don’t think the government has any place in my personal life which is part of the reason that I have never felt a strong desire to be married. That is not to say that I wouldn’t be thrilled to meet someone with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I don’t believe those two are mutually exclusive.

However, I’ve now come to the decision that, if my man (with whom I would love to spend the rest of my life) believes in marriage, always thought he would marry someday, thinks of marriage as the most commited state for two people in love, then I would insist on marriage for us. Even if he (and this is often the case) cannot articulate why he believes in it or communicate well on the subject.

The reason is because, without marriage, he will never feel completely commited. Subconsciously or not, without marriage our relationship will never carry the same weight for him, will not have the same gravitas (not to take all the fun out of it with a word like *gravitas* ) as it would if we were married.

Does this make sense to anyone else? I’ve come to this realization over the past year.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:26pm
80: kdr says:

I forgot to add: I believe that a lot of men who believe in marriage will be happy to live with a woman they love without getting married. I don’t think they are the ones to, usually, insist on it.

Also, I think I can articulate pretty well why marriage is not necessary for me and if he cannot verbalize his position equally as well, he may feel *unmasculine* (or something?) in his mind being the one to insist on it without a good reason

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:29pm
81: MissStix says:

kdr

Makes absolute sense!

Although I do believe a man who thinks highly of marriage would do the insisting if he believed he had met a woman he wants to spend his life with. Then it would be up to her to accept his proposal or decline. All she would have to “do” is exist and be open and receptive. It would come.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:33pm
82: MissStix says:

It is highly masculine to do the chasing and insisting. Receiving and accepting is of the feminine.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:36pm
83: BAB says:

Kdr-Love love love your post!!!!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:40pm
84: Smile says:

In my opinion – if you treat a man in a truly loving way with absolutely NO agenda about what YOU’LL get out of it, if you love him and accept him unconditionally, if you have fun together and good sex together and laugh and can cry together – he’ll feel so unpressured that he’ll instinctively move closer and closer to you and eventually want to seal the deal officially, for his own reasons.

But the journey to being with a man and having NO agenda is the tricky part.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:48pm
85: RiverGirl says:

Everyone in the path of the storm please stay safe.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:48pm
86: Smile says:

The above was roris opinion as I’m sure you’ll recognise.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:49pm
87: kdr says:

MissStix

Yes, *insist* was a poor choice of words. It is very masculine.

I guess I’m not really thinking of men for whom marriage is *really important* to them. I’m thinking of men who just assume that marriage is the ultimate in society for couples in a relationship. A lot of men don’t care whether they get married or not but will certainly think differently about a marriage vs. girlfriend situation. Again, without giving it much conscious thought.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:51pm
88: Smile says:

I want to read more about at what point the boundary about not having sex disappears.

I feel confused.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:52pm
89: kdr says:

@#83 BAB,

Thank thank thank you! Very sweet.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:53pm
90: Smile says:

If I don’t want to have sex until I’m ‘in a relationship’ this feels like pressure to me.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 12:54pm
91: Daria says:

Ugh this feels so confusing

I do t know what I want

And I feel sad

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:03pm
92: Janie Baby says:

I feel sad. I don’t know how to fix my relationship. He used to be my best friend, now we are strangers , and i feel obsessed. i want to be with him all the time but he’s not as into me. I break upwith him and he comes back and then I’m hooked and then we don’t see each other as much. We got in a fight on saturday and we were supposed to meet to talk last night but he went out with a friend instead and i got upset and kept calling him. then today he texted me saying “I am so sick. I wish I had my girl to just love me and not try to punish me” so I called and asked what was going on? and he said he was really sick ut didnt know if he should go to class and hed call me back. He didn’t… 3 hrs later I called. No answer. Then I texted “baby i feel sad. can we cuddle right now? i just wish i had my best friend back too.” and he didnt respond and i just feel so helpless and i cant stop crying. and i wonder when i will stop feeling this way. this is really hard, i feel like i lost my soul mate. i dont know how to fix things, and i want to call him over and over but i know that wont help. so i dont know what to do anymore. what do i do? we used to be so in love…now we barely have sex like once every 10 days or 2 weeks, and we’re always having tension and i feel like i have to pressure him to see me. i don’t know, and hten when I let him go he begs me not to…

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:05pm
93: ruth says:

Smile

As i understand it you set your own boundaries as regards sex
I think the issues stem from it potentially causing attachment to a man for some women

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:06pm
94: ruth says:

Janie, can you take the focus off him and just be good to you right now?

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:09pm
95: Daria says:

Oh I rember whenever I fall in love w a man I want marriage

So I’ll go w that

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:11pm
96: Daria says:

‘ A lot of men don’t care whether they get married or not but will certainly think differently about a marriage vs. girlfriend situation’

Indeed. And I want to be thought of in the marriage context. Feels so much more serious involved intense and seems to spark off deep lifetime romance worship queen thoughts.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:13pm
97: Daria says:

Isn’t George Clooney gay ?

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:14pm
98: BAB says:

Kdr- lol you’re very welcome,

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:17pm
99: Starla says:

43 shar

i did write it down for my trainer months ago. he told me i was consuming maybe 1100 calories a day on average. it made me see that i was not needing as much food as i thought i did.

of course, he urged me to eat more. sometimes i do. sometimes i don’t.

mostly i just listen to my body. if my body doesn’t need any more, i stop eating.

sometimes i want to eat things just for pleasure, and i do.

But i think about the consequences when I do that. For example, it usually involves dairy. And dairy messes with my hormones. So I don’t bring myself to eat dairy more than once or twice a week.

I’m not sure exactly why I am transforming so much on the issue of food. I don’t want to question a good thing. If I could be content for the rest of my life eating plain ol’ veggies and fruit and whatnot, I’ll take it!

For lunch today I’m eating miso soup and brown rice. yum!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:18pm
100: Mercedes says:

J and I have talked about how we would never lose each other over something like marriage. Neither of us has it in our hearts to need that but if something changed and one of us needed to be married to feel complete, we would do it. There are lots of reasons why couples don’t make it. We don’t want our lack of desire to marry to be what causes a rift for us. If either feels a pull in that direction, we will communicate and we will get there…together. No pressure…just will allow it to happen for us.

Right now though…we just feel perfect and have no desire for anything different than this.

It’s funny because we have lots of people tell us we should get married or ask us “when are you two getting married?” or “why don’t you want to get married”. We generally tell them “because nobody has given us a good enough reason why we SHOULD get married.” I like that. We can’t think of a reason to change this but if we ever do, we’re open to it. Nice.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:20pm
101: Daria says:

Oops I just got attacked w disempowering questions by my mom, and I feel a lil scared

I felt tightened up and was a bit anxious/defensive/resistant answering.

Eek

(((((Daria)))))

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:21pm
102: Starla says:

I have to admit this blog has been triggering me VERY badly lately. I read all this stuff and comments, and I feel afraid that I am never going to meet anyone/have romantic happiness.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:22pm
103: Daria says:

I feel a little sad

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:24pm
104: Mercedes says:

You’ll have it Starla. As long as you want it, you will have it. I believe that with all my heart.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:24pm
105: Janie Baby says:

I feel sad. I can’t stop crying, and I feel stupid cause noone died, why can’t I just be happy?

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:25pm
106: Daria says:

I locked my door as per my intuition

It feels very scary to lock my door as it triggers me to remember that it’s been an issue where they did not want the door locked and it turned into drama.

I feel vulnerable and scared and a little numb and sad.

I still feel tired a bit and sleepy now

I don’t want to ‘deal’ with drama and attack

I want to feel safe and comfy

Love to me

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:28pm
107: Mercedes says:

Janie Baby…it’s going to be okay. Focus on YOU right now. You can’t control him…you can only control YOU. What is one thing you absolutely LOVE that has only to do with YOU? Do that today…right now…take care of yourself without regard for anyone or anything else in this world.

It’ll get better. Lean back, give him some space, allow him the opportunity to move toward you and be in a good place when he does.

If you take care of you, it’ll get better….with or without him. I promise.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:29pm
108: Femininewoman says:

Dominique just put up a great article

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:37pm
109: Smile says:

Hi Ruth,

Yes making my own boundaries around it would make sense.

Last week I shared my boundaries around no sex. He was really respectful. Even though it was difficult lol. He’s calling me more and arranging to meet me again. If it reaches ‘that’ point, I want to say ‘I don’t feel ready’

Last night he was talking about past ‘times’ so I know it’s on his mind lol.

Last night he called whilst I was drafting my dating profile!!!! Nearly ready to launch onto the dating scene!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:37pm
110: Starla says:

Thank you Mercedes. Your conviction feels inspiring hehehe

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:41pm
111: Daria says:

Oohhh I’m missing that feeling of fresh and new I had coming here when my mind had nothing to cling on and obsess.

I picked up 2 things Friday and Saturday and now I’m preoccupied w that and not enjoying the present moment, w my beautiful walls and decorations like before.

‘i can never stop obsessing about sonething once I start’

That’s not true

I already used some processes but, here I am thinking of it again

I feel bummed and defeated.

Ohhh my mind is on ‘tracks’

I wonder what good nutritional food I can give my mind to help her get flexible and nourished and choose to heal and fill in these tracks.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:44pm
112: Daria says:

My mind is sharp I kno that

And mily mind is soft fluid healing and flexible.

My mind is nourishing

My mind is nurturing

Hooh

That feels good.

I live my panic

I love my panic

I love my body tension

Ohhhh I feel pleased imagining stretches and movements

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:55pm
113: Daria says:

I love you iPod goddess. Thank you for being here w me , helping me express muselfhelping me be seen

((((iPod goddess)))))

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:56pm
114: Daria says:

I love my overwhelmed feeling

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:57pm
115: Mercedes says:

Starla…I’m a believer! I’m a true believer that ANYONE can have the relationship they want…no matter what the looks like.

I’m also a believer in the power of attraction only my belief isn’t in the “universe”, it is more spiritual than that (from a traditional perspective). Hope that makes sense, I don’t want to type the actual words that will get me into moderation but think it’s important for you to understand why I truly, truly believe. And I really, really do!!!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:57pm
116: Mercedes says:

“no matter what the looks like” meant to say “no matter what that looks like” – as in agreeing with this article and the point it is making.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 1:59pm
117: kdr says:

Susan Sarandon has been making the talk show rounds promoting a couple of movies she’s in. She says one of the reasons she didn’t marry Tim Robbins was because she didn’t want them to take each other, or the relationship, for granted. Katie Couric mentioned something about they still had a serious commitment to each other and Susan Sarandon said something like “Well, we had kids and property together; you can’t get much more committed than that”.

They split after 23 years together.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:01pm
118: Janie Baby says:

Mercedes,
your responses always make me feel really good. I need to start saving them to a word document for when I feel this way.
xoxo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:03pm
119: Daria says:

Ohh I’m feeling way better sinking into my feelings

No urgency no obsessing

Ohhh
I feel pleased w the care I take of me

I feel held and embraced and nurtured

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:05pm
120: Mercedes says:

Awwww…Janie Baby….thank you! That felt really super good to read! Someone asked me the other day why I’m here. I think your comment about sums it up. You made my day and totally made me smile just now.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you I needed that!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:09pm
121: Shar lean way back says:

Thanks Starla. I am going to try to write it down for awhile and see what happens. If only my “problem” were consuming 1100 calories

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:13pm
122: Starla says:

i used to eat a lot more, shar, but working out very hard killed my appetite. Lots of martial arts training and whatnot.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:15pm
123: ruth says:

yeah

It is what is right for* you*
This is one of the things I love about Rori

Non judgmental

Feeling rather invisible tonight but I am still in post marathon low and utterly exhausted so it may just be that

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:17pm
124: ruth says:

1100 cals

Blimey

I would be gnawing off my own arm!

Mind you thats whay I am not thin LOL

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:18pm
125: Mercedes says:

You’re not invisible Ruth!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:18pm
126: ruth says:

125 TY Mercedes

Its probably my perception

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:22pm
127: Starla says:

hi ruth!
you ran a marathon??? wow!!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:22pm
128: Daria says:

Mmm I feel so much more melted and see I still feel sleepy

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:23pm
129: ruth says:

Starla

this one was mostly walked
mad hills, mad wind

Got lovely pics though

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:26pm
130: ruth says:

Im a bit wrecked to be fair
My 215th mara and it does not get any easier

feeling utterly exhausted, but then this one does that to me every year!

I do like the idea of committed but living apart

I Love my own space
I am in this situ at the moment-not by choice but it will do for now

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:33pm
131: kdr says:

Warren Beatty was like George Clooney. Warren was aging playboy and a confirmed bachelor . . . until he married Annette Bening, 21 years his junior. Except George was married before and soured on it and I don’t think Warren was married before Annette.

I can see George (like Warren maybe?) not wanting to become the old, *confirmed* bachelor who is know for once being the hottest thing in town; not having built a life with anyone who will stand by them through all the tough times that often come with aging.

Just musing aloud today, pretending I know the first thing about what goes through either of these men’s minds

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:34pm
132: ruth says:

Didnt George get together with Calista Flockhart?

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:36pm
133: kdr says:

Ruth,

Are you thinking of Harrison Ford?

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:41pm
134: ruth says:

no
I think George did

Not sure if he is still with her

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:43pm
135: LoveAlways says:

OMG Rori . . . I sooooooooo needed this article right now. I feel so warmed having read this and felt it in my heart. This feels right to me. LET GO OF THE AGENDA!!! LET GO OF THE AGENDA!!! I have to go meditate on this. I feel so found and understood. Thank you

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:45pm
136: Dominique says:

No it is Harrison Ford, and they finally got married. They have an adopted child.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:46pm
137: Starla says:

I’m not actually all that thin. I’m actually curvy and bootylicious lol

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:47pm
138: LoveAlways says:

It is now time to start doing everything that feels good to me, no hold bar.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:47pm
139: CurvySiren10 says:

Love your post Ruth. I agree…and I love that Rori does too. About doing what works for YOU and your relationship- not someone else’s idea of what “happily ever after” means.

And Rori’s words here: “If you treat a man in a truly loving way with absolutely NO agenda about what YOU’LL get out of it, if you love him and accept him unconditionally, if you have fun together and good sex together and laugh and can cry together – he’ll feel so unpressured that he’ll instinctively move closer and closer to you and eventually want to seal the deal officially, for his own reasons.”

Powerful and true for me. It happened….

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:48pm
140: Mercedes says:

“The reason being – they don’t want the RESPONSIBILITY of “taking care” of a man late in life.” – This feels sad to me. I’m glad I’m in a relationship where we DO want to take care of each other late in life. It seems really sad to push away a commitment because it’s too much “responsibility”. Not saying there’s anything wrong with it if that’s what people want, but it feels sad to me and I’m glad I’m not there.

“Marriage is a great goal – because often the best men want to be married.” – and this feels a little limiting too. Often the best men don’t want to be married is also true. It all depends on the man (good or bad) and I think the absolute BEST men are open to where life takes them and are sensitive to the needs of their partner.

Other than those two things causing a little stir in my heart, I really love this article…a lot!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:53pm
141: LoveAlways says:

Hi Sirens:

Switching my vibe today. I have been clinging to my heart being hurt about HScd and I. When in reality he is the one that needs to be clinging to my heart because he will lose me forever. I’ve been leaning forward without realizing it by grieving over my pain!!! I have to let the pain go now and change my vibe, switch the perspective . . . he will lose me forever, and if that is where things go, then that is my boundary and that is the end of it, and it’s his loss. That’s the difference here – I’m the prize and he’s going to lose it if he does not step up.

I remember Lizka doing a lean back marathon. Does anyone remember when that was? I want to read back in the posts and remind myself how that experience was for her. Thanks.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:54pm
142: Mercedes says:

Heading home and not sure where the night will take me but if I’m not back here later: Dominique, FW and everyone else on the coast…please take care tonight. I’ll be thinking of you.

Be safe and stay warm.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:56pm
143: ruth says:

oops
TY Dominique!

139
Curvy Siren

yes , yes and yes

but, I cant have the s@x
And i cant deal with that, not any more

Said too much

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:57pm
144: ruth says:

Feeling so sad

will run soon

that might help

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 2:59pm
145: LoveAlways says:

Not having expectations is leaving my heart open and being surprised by what the universe brings to me and experiencing it. I’ve increased my ability to love with HScd and it does not mean that he is able to step up and stay at that level. Like Rori described, he is a rubber banding and I must cd. I must cd, I must cd.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:01pm
146: LoveAlways says:

Going to script some feeling messages so I can respond to hscd without leaning forward. I’ve been leaning forward without realizing it. Time to change my vibe and take the best care of myself again. I must come first and just let what and who comes to me surprise me. No more on-line dating. I officially closed my account today. I am spreading my wings and letting the love winds of the universe lift me up and carrying me to my heart’s destiny.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:06pm
147: LoveAlways says:

Not having an agenda is stepping back from what I believe I want. Dumb it down honey, get basic with the feeling, what do I really want, and who can provide that, one man, myself, many men? I need to think this out. Going to do the workbook for targeting mr. right again, and listen to commitment blueprint for a frame of reference tonight. I don’t feel like doing anywork, I’m going to focus on me personally. I need movement, not just healing – I’ve spoken my truth and my honest feelings now it’s time to settle into my new siren self – from the ashes I rise like a Phoenix Siren

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:09pm
148: ruth says:

I dont want to get married
( I am, but thats irrelevant in lots ofways)

I just want to feel better about me

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:10pm
149: Dominique says:

Internet is back, yay.

Aw ruth, hugs to you. I feel sad for you. I can only imagine.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:15pm
150: ruth says:

Good to hear you have internet back Dominique
Yeah i feels sad too
shed a few tears
but this is my life and I guess I just get on with it

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:17pm
151: Dominique says:

more hugs sweetheart, ruth.

xxoo

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:20pm
152: Dominique says:

How about trying on a little openness and vulnerability today.

http://sexandheart.com/openness-and-vulnerability

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:24pm
153: ruth says:

awwwwwwwwwww, nice Dominique
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

wont help with me but lovely

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:31pm
154: Daria says:

Feeling triggered sad and angry and now sleepy

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:34pm
155: Daria says:

Pffff

Lol

Ouch

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:35pm
156: Daria says:

I feel like slapping somebody

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:35pm
157: Daria says:

So much rage

Feeling patronized

Dismissed

Pushed to the side

Not taken seriously

Melting brains in back of head

I love my feelings

Ouch shoulder

Tight around mouth

Ouch around chest, pinching

Feeling sleepy

Hmmmmmmh

Ouch back liver

Ouch behind nose eyes

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:38pm
158: Daria says:

So angry

So helpless

Feel like attacking

So much dussapointment

Heart sadness

Ohhhh
That feeling

I love that feeling

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:40pm
159: Daria says:

Want to attack

To speak abruptly to

To yell at

I live my urges and patterns

Mmm

Hmmm

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:40pm
160: Daria says:

Falling asleep w iPod in my hand

Thank you for feeding me yummy

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:41pm
161: Francesca says:

Ruth I wish you would stop saying you’re fat.

YOU ARE NOT!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:46pm
162: Starla says:

161
^this

seriously. you’re not

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 3:51pm
163: MissStix says:

161 162

I know right!?

Ruth…You are not fat.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:00pm
164: Francesca says:

Dominique, so glad you’re safe and sound and that the power is back! Yay!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:06pm
165: Goddess Lily says:

Wait, the same Ruth from the marathon pictures?!?! That’s a fit lady!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:08pm
166: Daria says:

Fuchk man, that shit really fuchked me off

Mmmf

Triggered.

Not safe

Numb

Easy feel mu feelings

Not act on urges

Pist

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:11pm
167: Francesca says:

Starla, I was reading about your eating only fruits and veggies and I can only encourage you to keep doing it.

I have been eating mostly f&v myself lately and my skin has cleared up a lot too.

Also, I was afraid that I was never going to be able to find my Coconut Dream beverage here but I found it at my supermarket yesterday!

I have tried sunflower milk too and it is quite good – could be a substitute to coconut milk if they ever decide not to stock it anymore.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:13pm
168: Daria says:

I love my feelings

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:14pm
169: Daria says:

I love my internal stress

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:15pm
170: Daria says:

I love my loneliness and bummed ness

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:17pm
171: Daria says:

I feel unsafe

I love my fear

I love my unworthiness

I love my fear

I love my desperation

I love my hopelessness

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:18pm
172: Francesca says:

Actually, today I made vegetable soup with carrots, celery, onions, garlic, red pepper, white cabbage, unsalted chicken bouillon cubes and a can of diced tomatoes.

It was yummy!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:18pm
173: Daria says:

“:: The One-Body Principle ::

Suppose your right leg began twitching for no apparent
reason. If it persisted, you’d do something about it.
You might massage your leg or take some vitamins
that support nerve functions.

But you wouldn’t yell at your leg or threaten to hurt
it! Nor would you ignore it and think, “It’s the leg’s
problem, not mine.” Such responses wouldn’t make
sense because your leg is a part of YOU.

Likewise, when your child’s behavior seems
unreasonable, you can overcome the temptation to
react negatively by responding to your child as if s/he
were a part of your body.

Like the parts of your body, your child functions well
when you pay attention to his or her signals and,
instead of resisting those signals, you do your best
to honor and respond to them. There’s no blame; you
just deal with it.

Today, imagine you and your child are like one body
and notice how that perspective affects your
interactions.

http://dailygroove.net/one-body“

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:54pm
174: Daria says:

i love you Daria

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 4:57pm
175: Daria says:

i love my rage

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 5:00pm
176: Daria says:

i love my muffledness

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 5:00pm
177: FlowerChild77 says:

LoveAlways—Your three posts above sound a lot like what goes through my mind. There’s a sense of ‘not-readiness’ but when I do think of how I want my future to feel, I ask myself these same things.

I thought I, for sure, wanted to be married (future)–but I wonder if it’s because that’s what I’ve lost and I’m still grieving or if I just “know” I that’s what I want. Or maybe I won’t even know until it happens!

Thanks for making me think, here, and guiding me out of what might be ‘tunnel-vision.’

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 5:02pm
178: sunshine says:

main reason for me is because i dont want STDs. when i think of marriage I feel like its a way to have a safe sexual relationship…i know that’s not always the case (affairs, cheating, etc.) but I feel like it helps reduce the risk compared to non-marriage relationships atleast in my head. I also want to feel like I have a trusting partner that I wake up with in the morning. when I think of how a steady boyfriend can be the trick, I dont like it. I think of how someone who lives with me shares intimacy with me, knows all about me, however he and I know that theres a high chance of this being a relationship that will eventually end is not a good feeling. Again I know there is divorce but the intention was to marry for life which again reduces those chances.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 5:42pm
179: FlowerChild77 says:

Franceska, Your soup sounds delicious

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 5:47pm
180: LoveAlways says:

Thanks Flowerchild77

I’m a true work in progress.

I am going to embark on a lean back mission. But I’m not doing anything contrary to my feelings. I’m honoring my feelings, all of them
rejection
love
anger
loneliness
grace
appreciation
confusion

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 5:56pm
181: Popsicletoes53 says:

I am a woman who has been divorced since 1986.. that is a long time… and I am happy with my life. I enjoyed marriage when I was married to my exhusband.. he had issues (drugs/alcohol) and just was not a good partner.. not a bad person.. just emotionally immature..

I decided after living with alover for 3 years after my divorce that I wanted to get married again because “I did not want to be 45 and not married”… I am now 59 and not married… hahaha roflmbo.

But I have not regretted breaking up with the lover because we were on different pages.. and I am happy with the fact I have not gotten married because I believe God wanted me to undergo some character development before allowing my husband to come my way… and I have had a lot of character development.. has been a fascinating journey.

Now I believe more than ever before I am ready for him to find me and I might have found him. Currently just began seeing a man… not exclusive yet.. so till open to others and circular dating..but the tools I am learning about since buying the ebook are really helping me stay focused on my feminine power, vulnerability… breaking the old habits..

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 6:02pm
182: Popsicletoes53 says:

Something I just read that “sunshine” said.. that spurred something in me.. and it was the stability that marriage can bring. While I know people who are not married can have stable relationships…there is something about having a mate who can sign on the dotted line if I need medical care.. or can speak on my behalf if I am incapacitated.. there is something about being in a life long covenant that appeals to me… I do believe in the death do us part.. I do believe in taking care of your mate..and I want that.. Right now I am watching a couple that I have known over 40 years go through a health crisis.. as hard as it is.. I think their love for one another has grown exponentially as they faced these life threatening crises together.. I want that..

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 6:08pm
183: Tam says:

(((Ruth)))

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 6:14pm
184: Sassy says:

((((All east coast sirens)))

((((Ruth)))) love you my friend

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 6:34pm
185: Sassy says:

Flowerchild,

Soooo good to hear you again! You are amazing

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 6:35pm
186: Daria says:

Thank you Daria for being open to easy masculine energy ways of doing ‘effort in an agreement of exchange for money’

Thank you Money for creating fun and open ways for me to feel prosperous

Thank you Daria for feeding me healthy food

thank you for muscle testing me for the food to eat so that i can eat what feels nourishing and healing for me

mmm

(((((Daria)))))

thank you for thinking about brushing my hair

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 6:46pm
187: Linda says:

This post makes me root around in my feelings, wants, desires, believes, experiences. I married young at age 20. I married for lots of good reasons but none of them was because I was in love. I have been single now almost 6 yrs now. I have learned so much, mostly thru pain and loss. It has caused me to come to face with me. 100% raw me. There was no place for the true me in my marriage. So far, the men that have been in my life have fit in part but not in total. I dont want to go down the path of do overs.. but there are some things that I would do differently. Mainly being a more authentic me. I have learned the value of speaking my truth, not doing anything that does not feel right.

At this point in my life… I have to leave room for the sense of adventure, discovery and also need to live lined up true to my core. I do hope to marry again someday.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 6:54pm
188: BAB says:

Im feeling very scared and not enough right now.
I feel afraid to ask for help, lest people get annoyed or see my problems as trivial or unimportant.
I feel sad and unsure.
I want to love my feelings but right now iam mad at them, I want them to make me feel good…

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 7:03pm
189: BAB says:

lots of self pity in my heart tonight..

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 7:10pm
190: Daria says:

i feel so mad

i feel so frustrated

i feel so sad

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 7:34pm
191: Daria says:

who can rescue me right now

i would like to feel rescued

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 7:41pm
192: Daria says:

im havign a hard time focusign on the video im watchin cuz im feeling so much… something

like anger

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 7:53pm
193: Daria says:

i hate you!

i love my hate

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 7:54pm
194: Daria says:

i want to speak with yelly attacky complainy threatening boice

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 7:59pm
195: Daria says:

Vampire scream

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:00pm
196: Daria says:

starting to feel better

wondering if it wasn’t from having sugar plus alcohol last nite,

and now the yeast in my body being hungry

hmmm

i love me

i love my yeast!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:07pm
197: kdr says:

@ # BAB 189,

Sometimes I wonder if what we call “self-pity” is really just our taking care of ourselves. Our being tender and understanding and accepting and acknowledging of our sensitive and fragile moments.

We are so hard ourselves. At least I am

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:28pm
198: BAB says:

Kdr- that is a very good point! Thank you for that perspective! I am very very hard on myself always internalizing even the slightest offense or harsh word.. I want so badly to understand everything that it is over whelming at times. Beside that who wants to know everything lol it’s ok to miss out on a few things gezzz

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:39pm
199: BAB says:

I’m getting the itch for ink therapy lol I wonder if that is healthy.. Humm idk the permanantness is soothing to me. Hello control, nice to see you again. :/ lol

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 8:41pm
200: LoveAlways says:

((((BAB)))))

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:17pm
201: kdr says:

Hey BAB,

I haven’t read your past posts so I’m sorry if I’m behind the curve on this but is “ink therapy” tattoo therapy or writing therapy?

I think it’s probably tattoo, but I love the idea of someone writing and calling it “ink therapy”

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 9:39pm
202: Emerson says:

95 me too Daria

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 10:52pm
203: Tereana says:

Hm…this article. Very interesting. I can certainly entertain the idea of being open to a something that is definitely relationship but is not marriage. But ultimately, in my heart (if I’m honest), I do really see myself as getting married. That might be a trivial distinction to some people, but to me, it changes everything.

I think I *am* scared of the responsibility, and at the same time, I want it, very much. I want the responsibility, and I want to have children in the context of a marriage, too. It would feel too stable and shaky to do it otherwise (even though I was thinking about those options just recently. But they just don’t appeal to me as much. I would feel as if i were “settling” or “making do,” and that doesn’t seem as much fun.)

I am also afraid of repeating the bad example that my parents set for me, which has nevertheless been burned into my psyche as the “definition” of marriage (i.e. Man puts up with lot of “crap” from wife – for the sake of the marriage. Man is allowed to insult wife as much as he wants, and she won’t complain, because it’s a marriage. Boundaries do not exist, and the definition of a “conversation” is a lot of loud, intense yelling.)

So, I’ve had to distance myself a lot, and do all this work to get myself somewhere different. And I know I’m on the way.

Tonight, I got hit on by a man at the bus. His opening like, as he walked by, was that I was “gorgeous.” I must have looked at him and smiled, because he turned around, and came to talk to me. His next line, “How long have you been married?” Lol. He was *so* excited that I was single. Heck, I forget sometimes – my being single isn’t all bad. It’s actually an opportunity for a guy who might want to be with me.

I gave the guy my phone number.

on the way back to my house, I was thinking, “Take that, Vman. Ha! This guy sees me and is excited to be with me. (even though he’s not yet.) And you’re still an idiot.” Lol. But I still haven’t written to him yet…

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:11pm
204: Tereana says:

Oops – “unstable” and shaky…

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:12pm
205: Daria says:

thank you for brushing my hair

thank you for cooking yummy food

thank you for putting out bones and preparing to make bone broth!

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:15pm
206: Tereana says:

I had a very interesting insight today. I realized that for a long time, I’ve believed I was practicing “letting go” in relationship. But in fact, all I have been practicing is letting go OF relationships. I mean, it’s letting go. But it’s not really the kind of letting go that I want to do. I’ve been mixing it all up : (

I wonder if Dominique can speak to that distinction at all. I really liked her article recently on openness and vulnerability. And I want to see if I can figure out this “letting go” part inside of a relationship without it having to mean that I let go OF the relationship. Because that’s actually not what I want. And yet, that seems to be what I keep doing.

And yet, just realizing that there is a difference is pretty eye-opening….

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:18pm
207: Tereana says:

Oh yeah, and by the way, the word “boyfriend” does not tickle me. Okay, maybe a little. But only as a temporary stay or title. I don’t want a permanent “boyfriend.” I want something that is more mature than “boy” and more serious than “friend.”

But on the other hand…Lately, I’ve been attracting so many guys who are interested in FWB, and I wonder if I’m selling myself short if I accept something like that. But then I wonder if there is a part of *me* that really just wants FWB.

Except, here’s the kicker. There’s a twist. Lately, in the last two occasions, I had guys express interest in FWB or casual sex. And yet, in the end, when such a thing was imminent, they changed their tune. They made it sound like they really *didn’t* want casual sex after all. Their bodies were all excited. But mentally, they were not “there” yet. This was Vman’s phrase, and SYG said something similar. In both cases, I was not upset that we did not have sex, because I thought it was cool that they honored this sense in themselves, and maybe by doing that they honored something deeper about me as well.

Hey, that’s really cool. I just realized, as I was typing this I feel honored by that. They honored me. And I didn’t have to force anyone to do anything.

That’s really cool.

And I feel tired. I’m going to sleep now : )

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:29pm
208: Smile says:

206 terena,

I too have had a ha ha moment around letting go.
What I really want to let go of is expectations, not relationships!! Only made this realisation yesterday after reading some of dominiques articles.

Also I read something by rori That you don’t need to stress about how to let him go. Just let your energy carry you forward. This helped lots too.

Monday, 29 October 2012 @ 11:38pm
209: Tereana says:

Sunshine – I liked what you wrote about marriage. That all makes a lot of sense to me.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:00am
210: Francesca says:

These days, I’m not interested in marriage.

But then I never was, really.

I’m just interested in seeing if my relationship will survive or not.

I’m feeling a mixture of sadness and disappointment.

I sort of put him on the back of my horse and I keep riding.

I’m not ready to CD yet but I might later on.

I’m not sure…maybe I’ll just take a long break from men if things don’t work out.

Still haven’t made up my mind about that.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:42am
211: Scarlet says:

My Mum and Dad took care of each other and were still deeply in love up until my Dad died at 80 years old. I really want that. I want to be in a lifelong committed partnership and I’d be happy to take care of my man in old age.

I initially got married too young and probably didn’t appreciate it at the time. We were married for 16 years and I didn’t think I would ever want it again. But I do now. Marriage itself isn’t that important, but I want the relationship my parents had.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:59am
212: Butterfly Wings says:

(((Francesca)))

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 3:50am
213: Francesca says:

Thanks, BW, a hug feels really good right now. xx

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:01am
214: Daria says:

freakin 4 hour phone call

ugh i wish it had been just 10 min

i feel all great and smily tho

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:01am
215: Daria says:

mmmmmm i didn’t even think much about meeting tomorrow like he wanted

so easy to stick to 2 days ahead

yay

i have 3 cds in a row wed thurs fri

yay

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:04am
216: Daria says:

I love meeting men, being complimented, softening up, all the romance and attention

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:15am
217: BAB says:

I was feeling jealous about my boyfriend txtibg an female co-worker yesterday when picked me up after work. I’m not sure why other then a twinge I got of suspicion when I got in and he changed screens on his phone.. I tried putting the negative thoughts out of my head but I think he could tell something was up. When he asked what was wrong I reassured him I was fine and that nothing was wrong. Should I have told him I was feeling uncomfortable? Or did that instance fall under the do not share and focus on why I was feeling that way catigory? I felt like I should have said something and so much time has passed now I feel silly for still thinking on it.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:23am
218: Tam says:

Daria, yay!! You go girl!!

I have gone into hibernation. Totally uninterested in CDing and even thinking about it. I don’t know if I have given up a little, really. I feel resigned.
I feel happier working on other areas of my life.
I have been single for almost 5 years and during all this time only come across one or two men that actually had what it takes to be mentally on my wavelength (and otherwise). That I felt comfortable with and happy to be around.

Sorry for the French but I can’t be arsed with all those stupid conversations, one syllable text messages and other stuff anymore. Being open and smiley smiley and vulnerable with men that turn out to be married, players or haven’t got the ability to talk about anything other than football or baseball. It feels like a colossal waste of my time, especially since I have no idea what I am practising for…I never get ‘rejected’ on a first date, they always call back/want more etc – to the point of me having to turn my phone off. It feels irritating and time consuming and I could be doing something fun instead.
So I will.
If someone turns up who doesn’t bore me to death then I would be open to that….
I realise even just being on this blog wastes a lot of my time I could be spending on other things, more important things. I feel unwilling topdevote so much time to men in my life while there aren’t actually any in my life! It feels whacky.
I feel wanting to stop. Stare. Think. Readjust. Refocus.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:25am
219: Francesca says:

Tam, I reckon you mean “excuse my French”?

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:36am
220: Francesca says:

Well, I am ready for CDing if it ever comes to this.

I’ve drafted a profile but I still have to tweak and improve it.

It’s not quite perfect, not to my taste anyway.

Still, I’m really struggling with the FMs in French. I hate to repeat myself, but you English-speaking Sirens really have it easy compared to me!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:43am
221: Francesca says:

Ooops, it’s actually “Pardon my French”. Yes.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:44am
222: BAB says:

Kdr- Yes I was refuting to tattoos, but I agree with the writing part, that is kind of a sweet idea:)

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:45am
223: Tam says:

219, yep Francesca…too early here, I typed that before 7…

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:49am
224: Tam says:

excuse my English and pardon my French..ha!!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:53am
225: Francesca says:

I never really got that expression, Tam, seeing as there is no French in these words at all! haha!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:57am
226: Vi says:

I woke up feeling hate towards myself , it felt like burning cheeks and frowny face and heavy head and face muscles and I felt also resentment and there were thoughts ‘this is ‘wrong’ to feel that way’. I also felt scared to feel that and I feel afraid to share this now and I feel embarrassement too. Then I checked with my Yang part and he was curious and kinda observing me and had no intention to blame me (!) or search my mind for reasons/explanations why I should or should not feel that way towards myself and he was just enjoying ‘watching’ me feeling the feelings.. hehe .. Yay! I feel safe feeling bad!! It feels awesome! I feel Delicious. hehe I feel free to express my “darkest” feelings to myself! I feel so connected to me! it feels good

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 5:06am
227: Annie says:

Daria 173.

“Likewise, when your child’s behavior seems
unreasonable, you can overcome the temptation to
react negatively by responding to your child as if s/he
were a part of your body.”

I feel wound up.
Of course it seems unreasonable if they are young children. They do not have adult reasoning.
And they have not yet learned the social rules of the world.
Like it or not reality is their are social rules of the world.

I’ve done the home schooling with my eldest and it had man benefits and I felt was my best option at the time, until he was 14. Also has many challenges and disadvantages. And even did it when I had another baby to look after. Wouldn’t recommend that one. But again was still best option at time.
Seriously if anyone wants to give this a go and believes it is their best option then give it a go, see how the reality lives up to the fantasy.

I admire Scotts idealism and if it works for him and some of the people who chose to follow his ‘teachings’ then great,How that fits in with the realism of every day life for most people with children and most of society and it’s challenges is another matter and society would not be able to function if everyone chose to do this. Completely unworkable for most of society.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 5:14am
228: Annie says:

Although I admire Scots idealism, here is one of the real problems that occurs in society when children are treated like adults with adult brains and adult reasoning.
They fail to develop normal social identity not recognizing adult authority. I would just say, give it a go if you want to and see how the reality works out for you.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 5:58am
229: MissStix says:

Annie

(definitely no arguement in this, just my truth)

I will home-school my kids until highschool. Not because it looks like a fantasy to me…But because Elementary school was traumatic for me. Not just because I was bullied by peers, but because I was also judged, picked on, and even bullied by parents of friends, and teachers. I plan to spend those tender, and fragile years prepping them for the world, and they can attend school after they’re teenagers. Even this is a stretch to me because I do not believe the format of the public school system is advantageous. I may end up putting them in a private school where they can have more input into their own educational path. So their minds are stimulated instead of wasted.

I appreciate that you have done it and know how hard it must be. I feel fully prepared for that.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:16am
230: MissStix says:

I feel giggly, and also annoyed. I just barely graduated highschool. I nearly got kicked out for missing 144 classes but when my math teacher went to bat for me, and told them to look at my test scores, and near begged them to let me graduate they allowed me to stay. I continued to skip classes but scored higher than the 90th percentile on each of my provincial exams and squeaked by with I think a C in most classes but I know I got an A in earth sciences.

Ha. What a load. I really have zero faith in the school system. I was bored to tears.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:28am
231: BAB says:

Lovealways- Thank you!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:30am
232: BAB says:

Lovealways- Thank you!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:30am
233: MissStix says:

hmmm…My bro, on the other hand, thrived. He graduated top of class with full entry scholarships to an advanced sciences program at UBC. I was always a little bitter. I didn’t get it and I just wanted to rebel. I still remember his tests on the fridge…like the 100% chem 12 midterm. I think a part of me also believed I could never fully live up to that. I could have tried at least. Meh. I really didn’t want to.(((teenstix)))

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:40am
234: BAB says:

MissStix- Can I ask your age?

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:42am
235: MissStix says:

I’m 29

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:56am
236: Annie says:

Miss Stix.

I hear you. And your reality that school felt traumatic for you. For me I felt out of place most the time and bored. Some of the social aspects felt fun, but the lessons omg bored out of my brain most of the time.
And believe home schooling is best option for some children as it was for my eldest at least until he was older. Not an easy choice though and many things to consider, Not the best option for my youngest at the moment though.
Home schooling by definition is a fantasy and a dream until you are really living it out and doing it

Wasn’t too bad until child two came along, then reality of juggling shopping housework sleep deprivation meeting babies needs, my own needs and homeschooling an older child who was used to my individual attention. Oh yes and then when you get ill or baby gets ill.
Reality was it became a case of just getting through the day.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:58am
237: BAB says:

Aww ok thanks:) was just wondering!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:00am
238: MissStix says:

I feel ready to stop blaming school and teachers for my lack of excelling. I felt bored with school…That was my own thing. I could have shown up. I could have done more than just what I needed to “get by”. It’s all good anyway. I find it kind of awesome that after all the education and science degrees my bro is a kick ass realtor. None of it really mattered in the end. I will be successful at my own business. None of it really matters.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:03am
239: Annie says:

And my eldest has gaps in his education as with the best will in the world we really can not do it all only our best, just like schools can’t.
In reality there is no perfect school, perfect schooling, perfect parenting, perfect teachers we just go with the best on offer that we are able to afford for our individual child and our individual lifestyle.

Wish I was able to have magicked up a better option but I do not have that ability.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:05am
240: Annie says:

None of it really matters.

Yes what really matters is being happy.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:07am
241: MissStix says:

I still feel intensely curious as to the differences between him and I. Both of us are “smart”. I would say equally intelligent in different ways. Everyone’s got their own “thing” that they are good or talented at. I just wonder…What was it in him that drove him to excell? What was it in me that said “I don’t have time for this.”?

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:08am
242: Annie says:

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
― John Lennon

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:10am
243: MissStix says:

Annie

Yeah…I did feel bullied. It got so bad that my parents sold the house they built themselves and moved us away. ohhh ish I still have guilt feelings around that.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:11am
244: MissStix says:

242

Nice.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:12am
245: Annie says:

241: MissStix says:

“I still feel intensely curious as to the differences between him and I. Both of us are “smart”. I would say equally intelligent in different ways. Everyone’s got their own “thing” that they are good or talented at. I just wonder…What was it in him that drove him to excell? What was it in me that said “I don’t have time for this.”?”

Testosterone perhaps?
As school used to be exam orientated and boys thrived better when this was in place.
Then it changed to continuous less completive assessment and girls thrived in that environment.
Or should that be male brains and female brains. mmm ponders.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:14am
246: MissStix says:

Oh interesting annie! I never thought of it that way!

I always saw projects and exams as my best friends lol I manipulated that to pass classes while still skipping haha lord. I was a difficult teenager :p

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:17am
247: BAB says:

Cant practicing and planning out feeling messages to use with your SO, so that he will hear you, be considered an agenda? I’m struggling really bad with the idea of letting go of agendas.. Not sure where to draw the line, I feel like I’m getting something crossed.??

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:23am
248: Heart says:

Hello Ladies – I feel good today. I’m over the CudG thing….he uploaded pics today of him having fun…the pics were harmless but still i got the impression that he is living his life and does not care about me.
I don’t want to email him anymore…I feel Embarassed by missing him.
I want to unfriend him so bad. I hate him sorta…I know it’s unsireny but my little girl feels abandoned and sulky.
I am so ready to have something good and real in my life. I am so tired of these kind of men.
I no longer feel attracted to CudG…just feel turned off …and
bored by the state of my love life…
and
I feel relieved, sparks of happy and kind of free…

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:28am
249: MissStix says:

I read an inspirational article last night and it said to wake up every morning and say “today is going to be a great day.” every afternoon say “today is a great day” every night say “today was a great day”. I will do my best to make this happen. Short of some kind of tragedy…I can easily uphold this.

Today is going to be a great day!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:28am
250: MissStix says:

I’m hoping it doesn’t rain so I can finally get some fall colour pictures. I need to practice metering and colour temp. I won’t have these fall colours for long!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:31am
251: Radlove says:

Brandylion, FlowerChild, and GentleSmilesBelieve, and anyone else whose message I may not have found yet, and to all my beloved Sirens who I miss,

Thank you for asking how I’m doing in the hurricane and the move. I am fine, just very sore after working 10 to 13 hours a day packing, sorting, moving, and unpacking the past two weeks or so. My ankles hurt the most, and I feel concerned, because they are genetically weak, and weak ankles is the reason my Mom is in a wheelchair — she is literally walking on them after they broke down to the floor. I way overdid it moving on Sat and Sun after about 7 people either cancelled or just didn’t show up in the week leading up to the move.

Not everything fit on the moving truck, because my 100 feet of chain link fence takes up a lot of space. I took up two carloads by myself on Sunday, and I was too exhausted to continue. So my pets and I have been staying at my new house share since Sunday.

Thankfully, the power is still on there, and millions have lost power in PA, MD, DE, NY, and who knows where else. I know the house I just left is without power, but no flooding in the house.

There are downed trees and power lines everywhere, and lots of flooding everywhere, but none of it has affected me. The worst of the storm is over, and there may be one or two inches of rain today.

I don’t get internet or phone access at my new house because it’s way out in the country. it is cramping my style bigtime! I’m in town now to be using my computer. I love you all!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:32am
252: Annie says:

haha Miss Stix.

Interesting, for me, I felt motivated and competitive to be first and put in the time and effort. Even this worked and was first or second in most subjects.
sadly this didn’t get me what I wanted, which was to move up to higher level group I then switched off and couldn’t be bothered and felt demoralized and apathetic as it then felt pointless.
Then decided if I was able to not put any work in and just scrape by that is what I would do. I gave up.

The only time I get that competitive spirit back now is when I feel enraged about something.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:35am
253: MissStix says:

BAB

Hmm…I don’t think so. I believe communicating in a way in which you feel heard and it feels easy to hear for the other party is constructive.

To me, an agenda looks murky. Like there is something under the surface.

If you say “I want to communicate with him in a way in which I feel heard and he finds it easy to hear me” this doesn’t look like an “agenda”. It just looks like taking positive action.

If you say “I want to communicate in a certain way so he will always agree with me” This looks more like agenda.

I also like to remember that I can be heard, and still disagreed with. So, if someone doesn’t agree or see it my way…It doesn’t mean they don’t hear me.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:42am
254: Emerson says:

226 ((vi))
I hve a way of waking up in the morning and scolding myself. It’s a terrible feeling but I’m getting better at stopping it.

I remind myself of all the good things I’ve done and am still doing. I quit a job last year that I had for a long time and I’ve been having a delayed identity crisis because of it. I quit for what I thought was a better opportunity and it did not turn out the way I thought. I scold myself for quitting the old job, but at the time it was the right decision and I have to stick to that.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:44am
255: BAB says:

MissStix- Humm ok.. I see the difference there. Still feels to me like I have an agenda, I don’t know if in my head in the moment what one I’m saying, I feel like in the beginning I had an agenda when I first tried feeling messages because I was curious if they worked.. I’m feeling a twinge of fear now that I haven’t switched modes from that. :/

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:46am
256: BAB says:

Haha round and round and round I go yay!!! So much fun lol I CAN do this… Apparently my defeatist attitude has followed me here today as well. Lol I feel silly for some reason like I know a secret lol humm

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:49am
257: Annie says:

I woke up this morning feeling really calm and rested felt great.

I really want to get my head around this attachment and bonding thing.

With my children and when I sleep and have emotional, mental spiritual connection with a man I feel bonded and psychically attached to them.
This feel like an invisible umbilical cord to me.
Has anyone else experienced this?
I feel a bit embarrassed writing this.
I really want to get my head around this. Is this the sort of attachment that Virginia was referring to on the last thread re crushes etc?
Would feel great to get some feed back in this, Virginia, Rori, Dominique, Mercedes anyone?

Or is my perception of attachment of what I have written above not the same as the attachment Virginia referred to in the last thread. I don’t feel like I need any one these people to make me a whole person. It felt like two whole people attached by an invisible cord and connected.
Is that really a a bad thing and not in our best interest

I really feel confused about this issue of attachment

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:50am
258: Emerson says:

I have read this article before from Virginia and although yes she has some valid points as I said last time , she really does not clarify HOW to “be” the way that she describes…..I.e. she does not suggest tools so I end up reading it and not quite knowing what to do next.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:54am
259: Emerson says:

Well sirens I hope you all have a great day I am off to start mine!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:55am
260: MissStix says:

Annie

I have never felt very competitive myself…I think I may have felt afraid of trying too hard and “failing”. Never wanted to put myself out in order to succeed. My brother is a good example because I definitely measured myself up to him, but couldn’t be bothered to try and compete with him. As an adult I have acknowleged a lot of things and no longer want to measure myself up to anyone but my own best self. I do recognize that a lack of competitive nature doesn’t meash well with using others as a yard stick.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:55am
261: Annie says:

I really do not want to become bonded and attached ever again to a man who does not care about mine or my children’s hearts and have out best interest as his number one priority.
But I do want to feel bonded and attached.
I feel scared that I may get drawn in again by believing and falling for a mans words and him winning my heart before he has proved he will take care of it with his actions, EEK.

I want to stop feeling scared and trust myself more.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:55am
262: Annie says:

I feel anxious again now.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:55am
263: MissStix says:

lol BAB

Your desire to not have an agenda kind of removes agenda all on it’s own.

A simple way to ensure “no agenda” is to separate the “result” from the plan of action. Keep it very simple. I speak only to be heard. I listen only to hear. I can walk through any result. Try your best to not even envision any kind of result, positive or negative, when taking some kind of action involving another person. I do this by seeing the taking of the action itself as the “result” I am looking for when planning action.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:02am
264: Heart says:

keep safe Sirens….feeling shocked by all the Sandy pics online.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:07am
265: BAB says:

MssStix-I know you are correct but in my head it doesn’t seem right lol I’m playing the devils advocate I guess.. Lol when I read what you wrote it makes perfect sense to me lol but for some reason there’s a seance of da faqu haha…but thank you for laying out so I can just read and re-read when I’m jumbled!

Emerson- I agree totally! Wish there was some tools!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:12am
266: Heart says:

I feel restless & energetic and my mind is thinking about new hobbies…
Going to the hair salon and doing a little bit lf shopping.
Can anyone recommend any fun web commuities or forums?
I would really like to waste less time on FB.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:15am
267: Starla says:

My uncle and his family’s house is destroyed and they’re trapped on the second floor and i guess awaiting evacuation now or something, i dunno, really hard to get a hold of them. i hope they get out safe

blah

weepy at work

and i’m not sure what to say to any of my friends or if i’m supposed to turn anywhere for comfort. my one close friend is busy talking about his financial problems… i guess it’s not registering to him that this is grave. i feel like chewing him out to stop asking me dumb questions about filing for bankruptcy.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:16am
268: Heart says:

Going to the hair salon and shopping tomorrow/later in the day mean…

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:18am
269: Heart says:

(((Starla)))

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:19am
270: BAB says:

Lol Humm weirded response to go to moderation.. Why does this happen?

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:24am
271: BAB says:

I feel so disappointed and sad at myself for being so weak last night.. I feel good that I was able to not wallow all night but I still feel resentment for being so weak..
But I will love that girls weakness.

Not weakness,courage! I’m brave to feel it.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:41am
272: Dominique says:

Tereana – 206 – Did you see my article from last week?
I talked about just this. If you have more questions or need more detail, let me know.

http://sexandheart.com/letting-go

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:44am
273: Dominique says:

All is well enough here. The winds were fierce, and we lost two trees but no damage. The rain was not as severe as last year’s Irene, so no flooding for us, and we only lost power and internet for twelve hours as compared to last year’s three days. No trains are running, and many road closures, flooding in surrounding areas, but most people heeded the warnings. We are staying put today. No ballet classes though And the trees which are still standing are mostly denuded. But at least it’s not cold. lol

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:47am
274: Sassy says:

Radlove,

You’ve been in my thoughts. Glad to hear you’re ok.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:52am
275: Sassy says:

(((((Starla))))))

((((Starla’s uncle and family))))

I truly hope and will pray for their safety and well-being.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:55am
276: Starla says:

thank you

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:56am
277: Calypso says:

Sirens – The last couple of times I have been with JC I left feeling sort of empty. Sex was hot last night and we cuddled and napped a little afterward, but when I got up to leave, he retreated like he usually does and it is such a turn off for me. I find myself walking out of his house feeling annoyed and just glad to be free – even if we have a nice time, which we did last night – he took me to dinner at my favorite mexican place. I don’t know how to tell him that the way he acts when I leave makes me feel like not coming back. i don’t even want to tell him – we have only been together 2 months – I don’t want it to feel like a chore.

I never know if this is real or is I am just making it up in my head to keep us from getting too close. I have seen some real signs of me not wanting to move forward with this relationship in the last week or two. It could just be panic because he used the “L” word.

Ugh . . . I don’t want this. I sort of liked my pain better . . . when I was on my own and just missing GM.

I’m going to just feel glad that I am able to admit that to myself and try to lean back and relax. I have to keep reminding myself that no one can force me to do anything I don’t want to do. I can walk away tomorrow or next month if I want to. i don’t have to panic and act right now.

I could use some real therapy, I think . . .

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:58am
278: Dominique says:

BAB – 217 – You could have shared something like, “I had a silly insecure thought pass through. I’m feeling okay now. ” Or “I’m still feeling a bit weird because of it.”

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 9:00am
279: Dominique says:

Francesca – 220 – Actually I find it easier in French. You are just not accustomed, just as anyone who is learning to speak in this way finds it weird, difficult at first no matter the language. We are just not raised to speak in this way.

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 9:05am
280: Dominique says:

Vi – 226 – YAY!!! you. Awesome observations and processing.

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 9:07am
281: Dominique says:

Annie – 257 – What an fabulous question. Yes there is a difference, a huge difference. One would be an unhealthy attachment, and the other would be not so much a healthy one as a profoundly intimate one which is called love. And this could be with anyone you would call beloved, a man, a child.

I SO feel this with K, all the time, and this has nothing to do with co-dependency though I hate that word and don’t really know what it means aside from the dictionary definition.

It’s an energy cord, a deep bonding cord, an indescribable attachment. Of spirit? Maybe. Of hearts? Surely.

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 9:16am
282: MissStix says:

(((everyone))) stay safe!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 9:17am
283: surferchica says:

I LOVE this post! It’s exactly where I am. I turn 51 next week, I’ve been separated and divorced for almost 4 years. I’m dating a wonderful guy—met on Match, have been together for over a year.

But I DON’T want to get married. At all. I love the space my house gives me—I get to return to my own space, no one tells me how to spend money, I create and maintain my own standards of cleanliness, I go out with girlfriends and never have to “check” to see if it’s “okay,” I travel easily and often – with and without him, I feel easy and free with other men—to enjoy them, to flirt, to have coffee or dinner, to be open and fully myself.

None of these were a part of my marriage so I am jealous to guard them now. My boyfriend (a word I love) is attentive, available, and utterly devoted. But part of the spark we enjoy (that I need) is that he *isn’t* around all the time. I like texting with him during sports, I like phone calls, I like making plans and having dates, I like that we can’t take our time together for granted.

I like sex in the evening, at his place, where I then return to my house after wards.

There’s a kind of freedom and excitement in not being together all the time that feels right to me at this stage of life. It could change as we age, but for now, I LOVE my not-married life and if he asked me to marry him, I’d say no.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 9:21am
284: Dominique says:

Starla – big hugs to you and your stranded family.

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 9:22am
285: surferchica says:

Reading more comments. This “bonded” idea may be an illusion. I was married 25 years. We were “bonded” but in many ways it was a bond of history and trauma and children.

What I feel with my bf is a different kind of bond. It’s open, free, gentle, chosen every day. He doesn’t take me for granted and we both demonstrate to each other that the other is valuable. That feels like such a bond, a connected valuable expression of love.

One of the dangers of marriage (it’s a comfort too, I know, but it can also be dangerous to the relationship) is that the bond is assumed. That assumption can lead to neglect or unspoken expectations or tedium.

In this BF relationship, where I’m done having children and have already lived the whole “traditional family” experience, I am finding that my soul responds better to the uncertainty.

My 16 year old daughter said the other day (and she is close both to me and her dad): “I think you’d say dating in the 50s is the best!”

I said to her, “Really? Why do you think that?”

She said, “Well first, you’ve got J. He’s awesome. Who wouldn’t want to date him? And you get to go to great places and you are both so happy together, and you have fun and he’s good to you.”

Ha! And I thought: She’s right.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 9:41am
286: BAB says:

Dominique- thank you! I’m going to do some thinking and decide if its worth bringing up, I feel I may be past.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 9:41am
287: Emerson says:

266 ((Starla))
Hope your family will be ok that sounds terrible!!!

I’ve noticed that a lot of people are preoccupied with their own problems right now … The economy and jobs and gas prices have been terrible. Some friends i used to lean on are in survival mode themselves…. I have had to broaden my horizon for support and it’s been akward/hard.

Also on another note I am thinking about taking gold lessons but not sure how I’m going to pay for it but I feel curious!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 9:48am
288: Emerson says:

286 golf lessons not gold lessons lol!!!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 9:51am
289: CurvySiren10 says:

282 Wow Surferchica! We are soulmates, lol.

Seriously, I am your age and we are living parallel lives. Very interesting (and kind of spooky) reading your thoughts and comments. I could have written them…

Just one big difference for me. (and I posted about this yesterday)

Hope to hear more from you.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:01am
290: LoveAlways says:

My leaning back is not going very well

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:03am
291: CurvySiren10 says:

Sending good thoughts for your NY family Starla!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:04am
292: MissStix says:

Oh I almost forgot to share my story from this morning. I got caught up in thinking of school…

I woke up when G got up this morning. Rolled outta bed. Went into a dark bathroom to pee. He came in and flipped the light on and looked at me, and started smiling. Gleam in his eyes. So i’m like “what?” and he says “nothing…” and kissed me (still on the potty lol). He turned on the shower and continued to look at me smiling huge. So, I c0cked my eyebrow at him and he says earnestly “You just look so dam cutesies and girlie!”. So I laughed and said “oh, ok” and thought to myself…I must be having a miracle morning! You know…Where by some freak of nature you roll out of bed looking like a rockstar. I could tell he really meant it. So I stood up, and turned around to face the mirror and dam near gave myself whiplash! I looked like the bride of Frankenstein or something haha Hair all over the place and traces of mascara under my eyes. Good lord.

So either my boyfriend is totally insane, or the mind of a man in love will turn even the most horrendous of morning looks into beauty in some way. I will believe the latter lol <3 to ((((him))))

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:08am
293: BAB says:

MissStix- Love it! I had butterfly’s in my stomach for you as I was reading! I love genuine compliments when I look my worst ( at least in my head) lol love men!!!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:12am
294: Mel says:

((((MissStix)))) Sooooooo cute!

Men are funny, aren’t they?!

A similar thing happened to me…

After months of him saying everything but the “L” word he finally says it… THE moment…

Here I am… PJ bottoms, coffee-stained sweatshirt… headed out the door on a Saturday morning… un-showered, greasy messy hair, no make-up, minor breakout happening on my chin…

“I Love you baby! I’ll email you later… can’t help myself… I’ll probably already be emailing you 5 minutes after you leave…”

(((men)))

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:23am
295: MissStix says:

BAB

It felt really really nice and amusing and sweet : )

But yeah, “cutesies” and “girly” definitely didn’t come to my mind lol

Although I guess us girls do have a bit of a monopoly on the bed-head-raccoon-eyed look. Who am I to argue with the way men see it

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:28am
296: MissStix says:

Aw mel

I love stuff like this.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:32am
297: BAB says:

MissStix- That’s too funny! I will say I do raccoon pretty darn well

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:39am
298: FlowerChild77 says:

Calypso…what does he do that bothers you (when you leave)? That you said makes you feel you may not want to go back?

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:40am
299: BAB says:

Mel- Too cute!!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:40am
300: Annie says:

Ty Dominique.

Wish we could choose who we fell in love with.
I feel scared to fall in love with the wrong man for me again and feel this psychic link it scared the shiiiiiittt out of me.
It was very strong, it sounds nuts some of the things that happened.
He had it too.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:52am
301: LoveAlways says:

He keeps communicating with me and I communicate back, and then there it goes I Leeeeeeaaaannnn forward!!! I don’t want to lean forward anymore. This is so hard. I did not respond to his last message so that was a tiny little baby step towards my goal. OMG I feel like an addict trying to go cold turkey. I love my anxiety and confusion, I love me, I’m going to be okay, I’m going to get through this. I feel better writing out draft messages and not sending them, this way I get the thought out of my system without hitting “send”

I don’t feel very strong on the inside right now

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:55am
302: Tereana says:

Wow. 10 a.m. and I JUST got up and made breakfast. I was having all kinds of dreams last night. in my defense, I’ve been sick, and I just got my period. Today is a day off for me (though I still have to work, from home, on admin stuff. So I have things to do. But I really needed the sleep). don’t know why I’m being defensive. I took care of myself.

Anyway, I woke up in the early morning and was having trouble sleeping, because of my cough. I felt like something was “missing.” I felt lonely in my bed. I missed SYG. And I still don’t know what to do. How do I “let go” without letting *him* go? I wondered if I should get his contact out of my phone. Maybe drop him on facebook? But I don’t want to be mean. I still like him, basically. How do I be open to this? What is happening when nothing is happening, but the memories are so nice and sweet?

We had a really nice time together. I’ve never gone on a driving trip with someone that was so pleasant. In most of my life, any trip involving a drive somewhere was a minefield of disaster. This was just one lovely thing after another. And after that, I felt closer to him, and he felt closer to me, I guess. And that’s why he pulled away – because, as he said, he doesn’t want a relationship right now.

Which is fine. I don’t want to force anything. I want to just let it be. So I haven’t contacted him in a while, and I haven’t seen him in several weeks. And if he contacts me, okay. I guess I’ll be open to that. I won’t be mad and him or say, “Where have you been?” lol (though it would be tempting)

I’m going to be open to the new guy who’s calling me. Although I’m not really sure if I want to go out with him. But hey, we’ll see. How do I know what kind of guy I’m going to go out with next? how about a good one? ; )

Love,
Me

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:13am
303: BAB says:

Lovealways- I’m sorry you are feeling down! I’m not gonna give advice because Iam struggling with a few of the same things. But I feel for you!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:13am
304: April Rose says:

(((((LoveAlways)))))

I feel you. I feel the same.
I am leaning into myself, more and more.

Today I had no ‘urges’ to connect with him.
That felt really good. Relief at last.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:24am
305: Calypso says:

FW – at first he acts shocked that I’m leaving and then he tells me I should stay, which he sort of acts like he is kidding, but not really. Then, when I actually start to get my stuff together and try to tell him goodbye, he practically ignores me. I hug and kiss him and he is so withdrawn it is tangible. I say something nice and he mutters . . . and he does not walk me to the door, much less to my car.

He’s pouting and I hate that.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:24am
306: April Rose says:

Ooops, I was not honest then.

I did have an urge. After he drove me to the station (I got the train to London) he said he was going to press on. He had no wish to stay with me and wave me off on the train like before.

I felt triggered to mild panic, despair, disgust, and sorrow.

I said something in my urgency.
And I forgive myself for it.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:29am
307: Tereana says:

Mel – awww. super cute! (they clearly do not see things the way we do ; )

Thank you, Dominique! That was a good article. It touched on what I was talking about a little bit.

But I’m still happy with myself for noticing the distinction – that letting go of a relationship or of a man is one thing. But letting go (of expectation, for example) and staying present IN a relationship is similar, but different.

Sometimes I think I have to let go of the man or the person or the relationship. But really it’s only the expectations or the assumptions I’m holding onto that I need to let go of…does that make sense?

Cheers, t.

Surferchica – that sounds awesome! How great that your 16-year-old daughter noticed that for you : )

Thing is, I think that’s how I’d like my MARRIAGE to be. Not that we’d live in separate houses. Just that, even as our lives are together, we both have freedom. We might even thrive on a bit of instability or tension, not always knowing what comes next, so that we don’t take it for granted. Even if we *can* take it for granted that the marriage is “there” (once it gets there), we can never really take anything for granted, ever.

I was thinking last night about losing people, in the extreme. And that’s the risk you take, in loving someone. It’s not a question mark, “will you lose them?” It’s a statement – you will. Even if you stay together, “forever,” one of you will lose the other. And that’s what you have to be prepared for. That’s life. That’s reality. Maybe that’s why being able to “let go” in small ways every day is so important. I don’t know, but I feel like pondering this for a while….

Maybe I’ll go for a run today.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:35am
308: FlowerChild77 says:

Calypso…oh, pouting….that’s the worst. My guy (late fiance) used to “pout” and I hated it.

Looking back, I realize that he was rather shy in many ways and that he didn’t always know how to SAY what he was feeling.

Is it possible that your guy really wants you to stay, but either can’t or doesn’t know how to ask you to? (In my case, he didn’t want to have to “ask”—he wanted me to WANT to stay—so asking me didn’t feel right to him, I’d imagine.)

I understand how you feel…and just thought I’d share how things were when I experienced “pouting.”

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:44am
309: LoveAlways says:

Leaning back feels like leaning too far over a cliff
I feel like I could slip and drop over to great harm, but I can’t help from leaning over that edge, I’m drawn to it. So I am drawn to leaning back. I’m sitting her trying to do so many things not to communicate with him. I know if I wait he will reach out to me BUT I CAN’T WAIT, but I must wait. This visions in my head of him and us together. I keep re-focusing on me, things that make me happy and calm, and then BAM, there goes the loneliness sucking the air out of my chest and I’m gasping to breathe him in, like a dying breath. I don’t know if I can do this, I feel like crying, and now I can’t stop crying. Damm, I haven’t cried in friggin days. Okay, moment by moment, moment by moment, baby steps honey, take each minute in baby steps towards leaning back.

OH why am I so fixed on leaning back???

I want to lean back to stop overfunctioning with this man. I’m in love with him and losing myself. No, I’ve lost myself, and I’m deep deep in and far from my siren shore. Sometimes it feels better to be out here in the unknown, but I realize that there is problem because we should both be on the shore, and it is not safe for me so far out in the waters of relationship. The feeling of neediness is keeping me from reaching the shore, like self imposed anchors tied to my ankle

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:46am
310: FlowerChild77 says:

Calypso, I just re-read your post. It sounds to me as though he really does want you to stay and when he sees that you are still leaving, he retreats. Is there some way you can talk to him about this?

I think it’s kind of a reverse situation from what we’re used to. It’s usually the guy we hear about getting up and leaving after sex. Is this something you two have agreed on, etc.? Just curious because it reminds me so much of my previous situation.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:50am
311: Mel says:

I’ve been thinking a little about this article and the discussion about marriage vs partnership.

And I shared last week how I don’t really want to get married.

And the only disadvantage to my choice is that we have no legal rights. Without wills, we are both considered “single” in the event of death. That feels bad. If either was in hospital, what would that mean? neither would have any decision-making ability. It feels uncomfortable to think about those things.

I guess it is my responsibility to make sure that I can always take care of myself. I suppose that’s not such a bad thing.

Just thinking about legal matters makes me feel a tightness radiating though….

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:58am
312: FlowerChild77 says:

LoveAlways…I’m sorry I haven’t kept up with your posts and I’m not sure exactly what the situation is. Your posts last night rang so true for me, so I want to understand.

Are you trying to leave a relationship or end something that is not good for you now that you’re a Siren? I’m sorry to be so out-of-the-loop, I don’t mean any disrespect by not being able to keep track, but I do care.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:58am
313: LoveAlways says:

Thanks BAB and April Rose

It’s getting rougher as the hours go by. But I’m not going to give up. If for some reason I give in, I will start over again where I failed. But I’m planning on not failing.

Posting her really helps

((((((SIRENS))))))) Thank you for being here!!!!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:59am
314: Calypso says:

FW and Flowerchild – I think he really does want me to stay. i think he would be happy if I moved in with him. He got me a tooth brush and put it in his bathroom. When I get there, he says welcome home, etc.

However . . . I am not at all interested in moving in with him and i don’t want to stay over on a work night. I have stayed over with him on weekends before, but i have a home of my own and I like it.

I may not be the girl for him? I think he may need more than I am willing to give right now. I really don’t want to try to talk to him about it, because I feel cold inside when I think about it. I would likely just tell him he was better off without me and walk away forever. I’m trying to give us time to bond more. I mean, we honestly spend a lot of time together in my opinion and things have moved fast for me.

We don’t have sex at my house because I don’t invite him to my house very often and when he does come over, my sons are there. We go to his house a lot because he invitres me and he lives alone. I have 3 grown sons, 5 dogs and 4 cats . . . there is no such things as being alone at my house – lol.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:07pm
315: LoveAlways says:

Flowerchild

Thank you for the support and for caring. I need it!
HScd and I dated when we were just out of our teens. We hooked up this summer and fell fast in love and were inseparable. His ex (two decades together until this year) suddenly reappeared and manipulated him back to her and away from me. I broke things off, and then changed my mind. We are trying to find ourselves now as we are still in love with each other, and I’m just in complete utter turmoil. I believe he is too, over us. I can’t say we are getting back together or what, but I’m just going on my feelings now. I love him deeply and need to find myself more now than ever. But not the old me – a new me, kind of like a phoenix siren rising from the ashes, but right now I’m covered in sut and still buried in ashes up to my ears, and it turns to mud every time I cry. Apologies for the drama effect, that’s just where my head it today.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:11pm
316: April Rose says:

LoveAlways

” No, I’ve lost myself, and I’m deep deep in and far from my siren shore. ”

This is judgement, honey.

From what you post, you feel so sweet and lost. Totally sireny.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:12pm
317: LoveAlways says:

(((((April Rose))))))
I’m glad you have no urges today, that give me real hope that I too can reach that point. Feel so relieved reading your post.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:12pm
318: LoveAlways says:

I am chain drinking coffee. Doing various things to keep busy, as well as those things I must do. I keep going back to look for messages. I feel crazy, I feel obsessive… HUGGGGSSS to me. I feel safe in my house where I’m not hitting the send button, keep it home, keep it close, keep it personal, keep it together girl.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:15pm
319: April Rose says:

LoveAlways

When I say ‘lost’, I mean lost in the soup of your feelings. This is utterly feminine and appealing.

You don’t seem to be putting up any masculine defences or attempting to be ‘strong’.

Have you tried the fall to your knees tool, until you get bored? Then find something fun to do (from a preprepared list) or that makes you giggle?

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:17pm
320: LoveAlways says:

April Rose

I guess I am judging myself, and him, but I honestly don’t feel anything solid underneath me. I feel no stability, nothing solid sometimes. This feeling scares me because it’s total vulnerability and I’ve been hurt and feel pain. I want to say it’s the bad side of vulnerability, but I don’t even believe those words, I’m just in a bad place emotionally right now ((((((LoveAlways)))))

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:18pm
321: April Rose says:

Fall to your knees and collapse into the feelings, the despair, the scream.

Go deeper and deeper into it. Express it all.

At some point you’re gonna get bored. Then a shift happens!

Yay!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:19pm
322: FlowerChild77 says:

Mel…I understand your concern about marriage/partnership and the legal aspect. This hits home for me so very deeply because of what I just went through.

I wish SO much that we had been married instead of just engaged. I had no legal rights when he died. It was an awful feeling to love someone that much and be “no one” to him in the legal sense. Thirteen years of love, life and bonding and I was just “no one.”

I like how Dominique speaks of her situation. They had nothing ‘against’ being married, but saw no reason to do it because they were perfectly happy the way things were. As she said, recently, there came a time when it just became easier/less problems to BE married (health insurance, etc.)

I never, ever want to be that close to someone, share that much of myself with them and spend that many years loving them and still be in that ‘limbo’ space of not really having a place in their lives. I’m not sure I ever want to love a man that much again, period.

It’s not so much about being able to take care of yourself (married vs. single) I think it’s about being able to make decisions and about being recognized as “THE” person in his life. At least that’s the way it feels to me. In this state, the legal order is: spouse; adult children; parent; siblings.

So, the thirteen years meant nothing. What he wanted (for me to have/live in the house that WE made a home, etc.) meant nothing. According to the “list” his estranged sisters (who made fun of him and disrespected him for the last 40 years) were his ‘family.’

Of course, a will or a trust would have been helpful, but still would not have made me his ‘family’(and also wouldn’t mean anything until after he died.) All that would have meant was that his property, etc. would have gone to me. The only way to be ‘family’ would have been to be married.

I’m sorry to go on and on….just really stirred up. Triggered, I guess. I had a very vivid dream this morning about him and I woke up crying and I still feel weepy. Brings it all back like it was new.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:20pm
323: LoveAlways says:

April Rose

No, not yet, but I’ve thought about it. I start crying when I fall to my knees and I’m so weary of crying, but I’m going to do it.

It felt soothing to read your post, because I could see nothing that I’m doing right, lol. Thanks so much for point that out to me, I feel more siren-y, even if just a tinsy-winsy bit

I’m also going to listen to parts of commitment blueprint and modern siren later on to get grounded again. Back to day one of how to be a siren. Need to jump-start myself but it is soooo hard in this lonliness.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:22pm
324: April Rose says:

(((((((((LoveAlways))))))))))
(((((((((FloweChild)))))))))))))

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:23pm
325: LoveAlways says:

Yes, will fall to my knees, probably in the shower so the whole house does not hear me weeping yet again

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:23pm
326: LoveAlways says:

(((((((((Flowerchild))))))))))

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:27pm
327: Mel says:

(((FlowerChild77)))

Thanks for sharing. Big hugs.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:27pm
328: Dominique says:

Tereana – 306 – Yes this makes perfect sense. Here’s another article which deals with this subject more directly.

http://sexandheart.com/what-can-you-expect-from-your-man

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:31pm
329: MissStix says:

(((lovealways)))

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:34pm
330: Dominique says:

Flowerchild – Love to you, so much love.

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:36pm
331: MissStix says:

Hmm..It was always my understanding that a common law spouse (here) has nearly the same rights as a husband or wife. I desire to look this up. If not, at some point, when I decide i’m ready to move in, we will have to give each other POA and HP.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:37pm
332: Mel says:

MissStix… that is the case in most provinces.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:38pm
333: BAB says:

My nucle and aunt were common law partners, my mother always spoke negatively regarding them and there relationship. Humm wonder if that’s my hang up on why I feel the need to be married so badly this past year.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:42pm
334: surferchica says:

Thanks CurvySiren. I’m going to look up your post to see what’s different about our situations. I appreciate the encouragement to post more. I have in the past, but I don’t very often. Felt nice to read a response. I’ve gotten a lot out of Rori Raye’s work and materials.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:43pm
335: MissStix says:

So in BC common law (1 year living together) spousal rights include: access to pension plans, employment insurance benefits, medical and dental benefits, ICBC auto insurance coverage (2 years living together), assets acquired but only what you both own together(individual property remains individual in separations), spousal support.

Having a will is important. I would say a living will as well. But in my province you are “treated as married” after living together 1 or 2 years.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:49pm
336: MissStix says:

I feel happy, content to know this. To know what we will need to have in order after we move in.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:52pm
337: FlowerChild77 says:

There have been no “common-law” provisions where I live since 1917. Only ten states have it here in the US. It sounds like in Canada it’s different? Better?

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:56pm
338: Daria says:

Wow I fuchkin stood up and said no I don’t feel comfortable to my dad when he asked me to do something.

Wow I feel … Kinda blank.

I feel worried in Gina get yelled at or verbal attack.

He’s on a trip so it’s thru text.

This is great, we are healing, I’m getting respect and taking care of myself And being honest.

I love me.

I feel terrified.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:57pm
339: Daria says:

Wow 1 year haha guess that short circuits those slow committers lol

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 12:58pm
340: Dominique says:

MissStix – Common law is not in most states, and the ones who do recognize it have varying laws around it.

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 1:00pm
341: Dominique says:

Sorry forgot you are in Canada. The laws in the US are of course different.

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 1:02pm
342: BAB says:

Ok seriously there needs to be a ” find good girlfriends ” site or something.. Lol like the movie! I’m sick of not being able to meet good girlfriends since I work as a nanny I’m not really meeting woman I can go have coffee or catch lunch with ugh lol I sorta feel pathetic but I don’t care!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 1:14pm
343: Goddess Lily says:

341-BAB,

I agree. I have very few girlfriends and I feel sad about that sometimes. Most people my age already have their best friends.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 1:18pm
344: BAB says:

Goddess- Yes it’s so heart breaking my best friend lives a few states way and my other ill friends are either way younger or so absorbed in there life’s and problems that have no time for anyone new, and I know that could be me projecting but it’s how it feels! where do you live? Lets be friends lol

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 1:24pm
345: FlowerChild77 says:

I appreciate being able to come here. I know no one judges, but when I re-read some of my posts I see how ‘past’ oriented I still am. I feel very good some days. I really wish I could ‘not’ have these dreams; they “interrupt” and set me back.

Today is gloomy and this morning I could hear the strong winds and the churning lake and in the dream I was taking mail out of the mail box (at the house) but it was snowing out and I was hurrying so “the sisters” wouldn’t catch me. I went into the house but it had a fireplace (there isn’t a fireplace in that house) and D had just come home from work and was motioning toward the outside (sisters) and said that he and I would go out for supper. It felt so real.

I always felt so safe in that house. It kept me warm and cozy for all those years. So many whopper snowstorms and below-zero nights. Maybe that’s why it was snowing in the dream (and the fireplace?)

Part of it, I know, is that I feel so sad. That little house is just sitting there, empty. It’s old and it needs to be ‘loved’ or it’s going to fall apart. It needs a roof and gutters—so there are leaks from time to time. And that’s ok when there’s someone there to take care of it. If they don’t put a little heater in the opened cabinet near the sink when it gets real cold the pipes will freeze. (We both had SO much invested in that house.)

The basement is probably full of water (manual sump-pump) and with no gutters the rain falls off the house in sheets straight into the basement. (We were going to roof it this coming spring/summer.) One more winter, it had to last us. Last time this year we were picking out carpet and looking at steel shingles, lumber and carpet.

I miss him, of course….but I miss the relationship, our life together…I had a ‘relationship’ with that house and the land…the whole thing—all of it. My soul aches to be out there. Taking care of the property was like meditation or prayer for me. I feel connected to it in a way I can’t describe. I loved caring for all the beds and shrubs; the garden, we did together. I miss hearing the birds every morning and evening. We were very compatible–we did different things, together.

I feel like I can’t stop this sadness, now. It’s always an all-day thing when I have these dreams. I dream about my son, too. Those are always baby dreams.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 1:41pm
346: CurvySiren10 says:

Surferchica, I really would love to hear more from you! The difference for me is that we decided marriage (and the benefits-legal, emotional, etc.) IS what we want, but without the “collision” of living together. I feel identical to you about that. I just want/need/crave my own space after what that experience was like for me in my marriage. And like you, I really do feel that for us- it keeps things fresh and exciting. I’m NOT saying that other couples can’t maintain that freshness while living together. It’s just not what I want right now. It may or may not change down the road, but that is where we both are right now. Yet, our relationship is amazing and exactly what I always wanted/hoped for.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 1:44pm
347: Smile says:

I’m attracted to a guy at work. The only guy who appears once every 2 weeks lol. But, he’s so cute. Hmm think I’ll wash my hair and choose myself a nice outfit to wear tomorrow. I’ll put on my favourite smile too 

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 1:49pm
348: CurvySiren10 says:

Oh Flowerchild…

I wish you would be more patient and kind and compassionate with your grieving self. This is all still new…and I think you are doing just AMAZINGLY well, considering everything.

I feel heartbroken to think of the house you love so much sitting empty. Is it for sale? Could you possible take ownership of it? Is that something you’d like or that would bring you comfort?

Just want to say I think you are doing SO well and are so incredibly strong. I hope the dreams stop soon- to facilitate more healing for you. {{{{HUGS}}}}

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 1:49pm
349: FlowerChild77 says:

I just cried and sobbed and shook—actually physically wore myself out. Maybe I’ll feel better this evening. It wasn’t so easy to go into gratitude this time.

Tyler Perry posted something great on FB—about having to look forward in order to get anywhere. I’m trying not to ‘hang on’ to the past but it’s still so deeply IN ME. (It was a good thing to find in my news feed today though.)

Time for something to eat….

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 1:53pm
350: surferchica says:

CurvySiren10, I can picture marriage for the benefits you describe. Not ready to give up my own living space, either. My mother knows a couple who have been married 25 years in an arrangement like yours and feel perfectly content.

Good for you! I’m only a year into this relationship, but feel no hurry to change it. I made a commitment to my two youngest kids (16 and 18) that I would not remarry or live with someone while they were still at home. That commitment made it easy not to fall into the “rush to remarry” trap that some of my friends have. As a result, I’ve been in two semi-serious relationships (the first one took a dive when he developed clinical depression for over a year!). I know better than to think you really know who you are with after only a year.

I say now that boredom, letting down your guard, and irritation must surface before you can know if the one you’re with is the one for you. And even then, I don’t see the benefits of being under the same roof every day. Nice to e-meet you!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 1:55pm
351: MissStix says:

Yes I guess Canada is different. Maybe “better” for those of us not interested in marriage. A couple also becomes common-law immediately if you are living together and expecting a child. The time frame is dropped.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:02pm
352: Smile says:

(((flowerchild)))

You may have read this from dominique already. I found it to be heart warming.

Grieving over the loss of a loved one? It hurts so badly, doesn’t it? The ache in your heart can feel all encompassing, overwhelming? A piece of you wants to disappear altogether.

This person may have passed on, and this of course can be so very painful. And you would want to go through the stages of grief however this looks to you and heals you in a way that feels best to you.

This is crucial to allow, for to stuff down your feelings or ignore them will only end up hurting you and maybe others along with you all the more. This pain will emerge eventually whether to lash out at those close to you or to be turned inward where it will eat at you and fester. Either way it’s destructive.

But this kind of loss and the feelings it brings doesn’t have to be centered exclusively around death.

This can also come from someone who passes through your life and your heart for seemingly brief periods of time. This person can touch you deeply and then move on. It may be for just a few moments or even a few years, but for whatever reason, he or she is no longer a physical presence.

People come in and out of your life all your life long. But there will be certain special individuals who have a more significant impact in some way and create a lasting impression.

Someone such as this creates something within you, arouses something inside that you’ve never felt before or maybe you have but in a new way. Someone like this encourages you, coaxes you to grow to places you never thought possible or maybe never realized existed. Someone like this takes you to realms you may have never even imagined in your wildest dreams.

Helping your heart open like it has never before, making you feel bigger, expanded, more beautiful, wiser, more loving, more aware, a richer version of you, a more something that doesn’t have words, yet it’s something within you which blossoms in such a way that you will never ever forget.

This someone stays within you as an integral part of your being, even if the visit in your life seems too short, leaving behind a definite and lasting imprint on your heart and in your soul, changing your life in significant ways. Staying inside you always as a very real entity.

Yes it feels sad when they depart. You may very well go through a sort of grieving process, very much like when someones passes which is a good thing to allow and recommended.

Yet they are never truly “gone”, and the gifts they have given you are priceless. What they have enriched you with is a true blessing. Something to be embraced. Something to be cherished. Something to be celebrated.

So yes feel the pain of what feels like a loss, but take comfort in the treasures you have been gifted with. There’s another piece at work here, the piece that wants to carry on while carrying this person deep in your heart forever making you feel even more complete, a better YOU. And maybe someday you can be this person in someone else’s life. What an honor this is.

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:04pm
353: Dominique says:

Flowerchild – 345 – Thinking about all of this, dreaming as you are is all part of processing and healing. I do not feel at all surprised by it and certainly do not feel weary of hearing about it. Please keep writing it until you no longer feel the need. And still it may come up now and then.

xxoo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:07pm
354: Daria says:

:: Say Goodbye to Guilt ::

Have you ever had a not-so-good “friendship” with
someone who was negative, cynical, critical, or even
abusive?

Letting go of such relationships can be hard, but when
you have the courage to stop investing your energy in
a life-draining relationship, you reconnect with your
Authentic Power and start feeling your natural
vitality and joy again.

Parental *guilt* is like one of those energy-sucking
“friends” you could do without.

So today, notice whenever guilt comes along and starts
another one of its negative rampages about your
parenting. Gently release guilt by focusing on your
true friends: Unconditional Love and Self-Acceptance.

“Thank you, guilt, for trying to be my friend. I know
you meant well, but it’s not working for me anymore.
I’m done. You can try calling, but I won’t return your
calls. Goodbye, guilt…”

“Hello, Love!”

http://dailygroove.net/say-goodbye-to-guilt

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:07pm
355: Smile says:

http://sexandheart.com/losing-a-loved-one
Sorry dominique forgot to post your link 

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:09pm
356: forest siren says:

I haven’t posted for a while but I read all the time of course and love all you sirens.

Flower child my heart is breaking reading about your little house. YOu are amazing to be where you are at with the pain you are going through. I feel so sad for the little house it must miss you and D so much and your energy and love and attention. The way you were describing it felt so poetic to me I can almost see it and hear the birds. You have a real talent for evoking emotion through your words – do you write?

I am feeling more in love each day. Lionman is blowing me away. I’ve been really thinking about what I’ve been reading here about letting go of expectations and seeing the love that is offered. It has been a really scary few days with Sandy and this morning Lionman drove through impassable dangerous roads to get to me .. I don’t know how he did it it was so brave and manly! He’s my hero (((Lionman))) it felt so good to receive that love from him.

I hope all you other sirens are safe wherever you are but particularly those on the east coast.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:10pm
357: FlowerChild77 says:

Thank you CurvySiren.

No, that’s what makes me angry. It’s not on the market…not even FSBO. I don’t understand what they’re doing. I looked forward to the time it would sell and someone would care for it, at least. (This fits in with the whole ‘power and control’ agenda they had/have.)

The nuclear plant is closing (employs close to 700 people in this county and pays over $83,000.00 a year to the township). That means the property taxes in that township will increase dramatically over the next year. It will be harder than ever to sell the house now.

There was/is nothing I can do about it except to try and put it behind me as best I can. It hurts too much to think of it. That’s what I mean, these dreams are unwelcome and I feel ‘invaded’ by thoughts and feelings I don’t want. Thoughts, I can refocus and find a better feeling one. The emotion that the dreams stir up just sticks with me–harder to focus on something else.

Thanks for listening…it helps a lot. I feel disappointed that I was feeling so good over the weekend, and even yesterday and here I am again.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:27pm
358: Daria says:

Annie – i don’t feel good with the way i imagine society is existing. I am feeling happy thinking of it ‘breaking down’ and humans living in a happy, natural, conscious-peaceful relations.

Society like i think of it now, structured on control, better than, violence and labor – feels so sad to me

i want to feel less fear of authority ! i want to feel more comfortable expressing my truth, who i am, and sharing my gifts. im healing towards this. babysteps for me

i feel sad reading comments about ‘have to’ ‘way it is’ etc. i have some of those beliefs too. im choosign to heal. ‘reality’ is not set in stone, it’s what i ‘see’ based on my beliefs… soemthing that i get from Rori work too, as ‘reality’ with men seems to magically shift as i shift my beliefs

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:37pm
359: Daria says:

and i feel good about the belief in that last sentence

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:38pm
360: Queen Bee says:

God I really blue today. It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. Iam very much into my feelings right now. I’ve got to stop talking to MH he runs so hot then cold. I feel like a train is running around in my heart. Stop then start, stop then start. Sometimes I feel like iam in control of what’s going on then ” ban” iam not he is. I know he’s not going to get it togather so why iam I still holding on?

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:42pm
361: Daria says:

I feel really inspired applying Scott Noelle’s concepts to relating with men, with my lil girl, and with my family

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:43pm
362: Daria says:

and friends! and ooooohhhhhh other people i commune with… wow i feel inspired i haven’t thought of that yet!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:44pm
363: Daria says:

(((((Queen Bee)))))) – why are you still holding on? are those beliefs true?

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:45pm
364: CurvySiren10 says:

FC, you’ve gotta accept and embrace that you’ll be up & down for a while. It’s all okay. It’s all expected. It’s all YOUR process. And your strength is just AMAZING and awesome to me. And I’m sure many others here…

Just the fact that you can move forward every day boggles my mind. Give yourself credit. Give yourself a ton of love. Eventually those invasive dreams WILL start to abate and free you up from the pain it causes.

I know the house situation is just another irritant/painful thing to deal with …on top of everything else. But you really are an incredibly strong and beautiful woman. You’re gonna be just fine…

xoxo

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 2:56pm
365: Smile says:

Each time I do something I’ve not done for a while, it feels familiar. It feels like I’ve turned anotherightbulb on. This keeps happening.
I didn’t realise how lost I was. I feel like I’ve come out of hibernation.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 3:00pm
366: maxine says:

Sirens..I’d love to hear anyone’s thoughts on this..
I am co-habiting with my ex and our 3 children..neither of us financially in a position to move out..we were together for 17 years and he basically checked out blaming me for everything..I was in such a state I moved in with my mum until he met up with me after 2 weeks and said come back and lets sort it but sleep apart..it became clear very quickly his version of this was putting me on trial..it was so hard so I held back for a couple of weeks but after he got mad with me after I had a night out I leaned forward and asked him what he wants for us..he said he wasn’t sure and felt we were work in progress..I then told him he could therefore consider us separated as I felt unable to ‘do’ this on those terms and felt I was made wrong about everything. I felt he wanted things to turn out well eventually yet wasn’t willing to acknowledge his wrongdoings or see how much pain this was putting me through…well I just went into downward spiral trying to live alongside him and take care of our girls while work full time in a management job..I almost lost because I was getting really poor results at work..it was hell and as he only works PT this house relies on my income…I was in purgatory and still am..he had hinted that I should be the one to move out but I am their Mum and a great one at that..I will not be that Mum that moved out I won’t do that to my girls and I KNOW they want to live with me..he’s not emotionally available to care FT for 3 girls and they are so close to me..now I am terrified he will just up and leave with them and there will be nothing I can do financially…he now speaks to me like he dispises me and wont make eye contact and ignores me..it wasn’t THAT bad until a couple of weeks ago I literally stopped being in the same room as him as it was the only way I could find to cope and get on with my work so I didn’t get fired..it was since then he now openly is hateful im his manner with me and worse yet..he refuses to discuss ANYTHING with me..where on earth is the man I knew and loved? he used to be wonderful and I genuinely have done nothing to deliberately hurt him..I made mistakes in our relarionship just like he did..except that he became very secretive in last 2 months before we spilt and I found a FB profile of his basically with women on it for him to flirt with online and I called him on it and told him i felt hurt..
please..what does everyone think…I feel so desperate…

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 3:02pm
367: Smile says:

I found myself walking with my head down today.

Note to self, head up, eyes open.

I love my awareness.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 3:02pm
368: Starla says:

hey i heard about my family. they lost everything, and i mean everything, but they’re physically okay. thanks for the support, ladies.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 3:04pm
369: Miss Bells says:

Marriage the end all and be all??
Not for me it’s not. And it isn’t just because I don’t want to “take care” of an old man. That part doesn’t bother me so much.

I have had THREE marriages that weren’t so great.

But being around HS is great, most of the time. The other day I told him–”if all I wanted was to get married I would be–to someone else. Someone who wanted marriage.” And it’s true– I am choosing to stay with him because that it what i want to do.

Now–he has a real health problem. I leaned forward quite a bit to get him to a naturopathic doctor. But I am glad I did.

I can feel him getting more attached to me.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 3:37pm
370: Starla says:

ohhhhhhhh perma-anxiety from the last 24 hours

hopefully belly dance class tonight will shake it off

we’re learning zills! i am going to take a pair home. I can’t wait!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 3:51pm
371: Smile says:

((starlas family))

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:02pm
372: Daria says:

oh wow ! my mom got me some black with silver sparkle leggings that show off my monkey bein fat without showing my pussy lips yay wow

they have vertical lines on them that curve on my thighs making my nani look really prominent in a beautiful curve

i feel teary!

i feel happy1

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:11pm
373: Smile says:

366- ((Maxine))

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/marriage/after-17-years-hes-left-hes-fooling-around-and-hes-put-you-on-trial/

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:16pm
374: FlowerChild77 says:

Thank you CurvySiren and forest siren…I feel exhausted. These kind of days always do that to me. I’ll be in bed early and try to start over tomorrow.

It helped to get it out…talk about my dream and all the feelings it stirred up in me. I know I will be OK.

I am so very lonely and I’m starting to miss the physical part of the relationship. (That’s bothering me more than I’d like to admit.) I’m not really available for a relationship, so I feel kind of ‘stuck.’

The answer always seems to be—one day at a time.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:23pm
375: April Rose says:

I feel lost.

I intend to create a framework for my life.

I intend to awaken my inner man. I am all girl, all feelings.

I wonder how to make the most of this and still make a good living….

hmmmm

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:24pm
376: Tam says:

one day at a time, that’s right.
that wasn’t a good one, tomorrow is another one.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 4:44pm
377: Tereana says:

Dominique – 328: thanks for that article!

That was perfect, and I think exactly what I was looking for.

I guess the key, though, is that, even though you made a “mistake” with K, and didn’t appreciate what you had, and instead got upset about what you didn’t have – you are still with him. You must have already had a strong relationship up to that point, in order to be able to manage that, where he wouldn’t be so miffed that he would “leave you” over not appreciating him, and that you wouldn’t be so upset that you’d decide he was simply a bad partner.

That’s been sort of the story with most of my more recent relationships.

I think (I KNOW) I’ve been avoiding intimacy A LOT ever since I was engaged. That was a very powerful bond that I had. That was a relationship that had its own “life.” I could feel it. I definitely have NOT felt that with anyone since. And part of the trouble has been that I am comparing every new relationship with every new person to the bar that was set by that one guy. He came in, and he did everything “right,” according to plans I had never made, but which made total sense at the time. It flowed along perfectly, I did nothing to “make” it happen. I was even CD-ing at the time. I got my perfect proposal, my perfect ring. And then it all fell apart.

And so, I do the typical thing that most people do, after a situation like that – I try to avoid it. If someone were to propose to me again, I don’t think I would trust it (or maybe I wouldn’t trust myself). Which is why, a lot of the time, I wish I could just skip the “engagement” part. I want to go straight from “dating” to “getting married.” People call it a “trial period,” but I see it more as a tease. A “way out” if you don’t really want to commit. I want to see the decision as a commitment. Not like, “maybe we’ll get married in six months.” But, “I want to marry you Now. Let’s do it.” Or at least, as soon as possible. But it’s a “we are GOING to get married,” not “we are ‘planning’ to get married.” Do you get it?

There’s a lot of fear around that. Fear and desire at the same time. It was a traumatic event.

I’ve let go of the desire for that person and that relationship completely. But since my ideas about marriage and “what’s supposed to happen” were so wrapped up in that experience, I now find that I have mixed feelings on the idea of marriage. On the one hand, I want it, and on the other hand, I feel very afraid. Even though I know I don’t have to be.

I know that, when the time comes, what is actually right for me will be totally different. When I’m ready, I’ll be able to accept the right relationship. And I can still get my ring. And I can still get my wedding (if I want one). And I can still have the partner I desire. I just don’t want to get so focused on “the ring” and “the wedding.” Those are just things. They are nouns. It’s the verb I am interested in….

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 5:18pm
378: Goddess Lily says:

(((Starla’s family)))

Horrible that they lost everything, but at least they are ok.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 5:24pm
379: Francesca says:

(((Starla))), ditto what Goddess Lily said @378.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 5:50pm
380: Luzydel says:

I am feeling indifferent towards men lately; I guess it is a stage I am going though so I am not going to fight it; I am just not liking men so much lately… I don’t know what I want right now…

Something triggered this feeling and it is inside me for the past three weeks. I Just don’t feel excited about men…I hardly am dressing up to impress them. however, I am also so confident when they are surrounding me… Like they are not important for me to do something…

Maybe a man out there will be ‘sexy’ back and I will like men again lol

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:09pm
381: ruth says:

drops in
leaves hugs and flowers
allI can do right now

amazing to see the support on here
xxxxxxxxxx

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:23pm
382: LoveAlways says:

Good night sirens:

I switched my vibe, and it happened in just a few hours.

HScd called after many heartwrenching hours of leaning back after a “flash and bang” of messages I decided to get out of my system. I leaned back after that. He called and I was an invitation, open, followed the 4 rules, and spoke in deep honest feeling messages. We discussed everything, we discussed us, we discussed boundaries and we don’t know what the future holds, but we are moving forward with honesty and connection and will see where we are in time. Love survived. WE CONNECTED. WE CONNECTED. WE CONNECTED. Leaning back and feeling messages worked for me yet again. Thank you for all of your support sirens!

I’m exhausted and spent, but my vibe has changed. Going to finish listening to commitment blueprint (it helped today), meditate for a moment and then drift off to sleep.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:28pm
383: Ulii says:

I hope all the Sirens & their families in US who were close to the stormy areas are safe & sound!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:33pm
384: Annie says:

366: maxine.

Hugs.

I honestly do not know how it is possible to be civil under these circumstances.

Where are you?

I

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:50pm
385: Ulii says:

This article has been triggering to me.

I find myself thinking I did a big mistake freaking out on the non-committedness of y ex. I beat myself up about thinking that not being married was the problem…and the symbol of him not committing…and not seeing the other many ways he was actually really committed to me. I would have needed just to be more patient & more secure in myself and in his love for me. And he would have gotten there on his own for his own reasons. I truly believe it now. I feel a deep regret.

These days I miss my ex M so much. I feel the longing to have him back. I feel like having a “talk” with him. Telling him I still love him. And that it’s ok even if we don’t get married.

Other people encourage me to do so. To “fight” for it if it’s important. They tell me that as I have hurt him a lot, he´s afraid now. That he is making little efforts to show me he´s still interested (which he does, like leaving me flowers & little notes and being very gentle with me and wanting that I´d continue to stay at his parents house in spite of the new gf getting angry with him about that & he would not want me to leave the country), but that I have to respond by giving him the full information. And that the new girl he´s seeing is nothing serious yet. It feels all really awkward and o confusing.

Most of the time I feel I should accept him as he is right now. A bit shy and really hurt by me and my actions last summer. And also afraid of me needing “too much” of him…things he feels incapable of. And maybe not expect him to step up in a really big way like getting on his knees & offering marriage and ring to me.

I feel I should tell him I still feel open to be with him again. But I feel so afraid of rejection and to find out he has moved on emotionally. Although my intuition tells me he hasn´t.

I´d feel so grateful of some other Siren´s comment.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:51pm
386: Ulii says:

Oh…I feel so sad to hear about Starla’s family. Still glad though that the loss is only material.

((((Starla’s family))))

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 6:57pm
387: Annie says:

What is that all about when a man refuses to look at you and avoids eye contact?
That feels awful to me.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:08pm
388: Annie says:

Rori says
“In my opinion – if you treat a man in a truly loving way with absolutely NO agenda about what YOU’LL get out of it, if you love him and accept him unconditionally, if you have fun together and good sex together and laugh and can cry together – he’ll feel so unpressured that he’ll instinctively move closer and closer to you and eventually want to seal the deal officially, for his own reasons.”

I feel confused about this as if he is getting all this anyway without marriage the message I was hearing from you is why would he then want it? As he already has you without it.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:18pm
389: Miss Bells says:

#388

I am loving and accepting of HS without an agenda. I also live elsewhere. He doesn’t have me around all the time. So–if he wants me around ALL the time, he has to convince me to live with him, which would involve another level of commitment on his part.

Also–I am not sure if I WANT to marry. But I am sure I want a deeply loving committed relationship. So, I really don’t have that agenda. If my agenda was just to be married I would have more assurance of achieving my aims if I looked elsewhere.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:26pm
390: Ulii says:

@ 387, Annie

I don’t really know about men, but, above shyness (which is the case for not having too long eye contact) I’m avoiding eye contact if I feel ashamed of my feelings, or afraid that something that I’ll say will hurt the other person or make her/him angry.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 7:52pm
391: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens… Hope all is well! I just had to share this. many months ago, inspired by Mel’s simple universe box made from a paper clip box, I made one too and left it on my desk at work. Today I found the box behind the monitor and opened it to read my wishes. I had written to be happy, have a new car and financial security. Mr. C. Isn’t the full blown relationship I want, but he has brought a lot of happiness to my life. Saturday I bought a 2013 Hyundai Sonata that I LOVE! And in doing my budget, really found I have enough money for what I want and need. It’s just prioritizing a car payment over eating out. none of this appeared out of thin air, I made it all happen…. But the point is that it’s real… I created it, and it actually came to be, I’m not just talking about what I want, I’m making it happen!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 8:00pm
392: Daria says:

wow im doing really well with feeling through trauma, shaking and trembling crying

and NOT BLAMING

whew!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:22pm
393: Daria says:

Annie – he could still want it if the woman doesn’t agree to exclusivity

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:31pm
394: Daria says:

yes!! 10 min phonecall … wooo hoo!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:32pm
395: Daria says:

haha actually it was 30 min but it felt like 10

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:33pm
396: Tereana says:

Turquoise – that sounds really cool! Thank you for sharing!

Can you describe more about the “Universe box”? I must have missed it the first time when Mel posted it.

Sounds like you are doing awesome. I feel inspired! : )

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:48pm
397: maxine says:

thanks Smile and Annie for listening to my story
I felt so awful when I posted and to be heard felt lovely
I have good friends and other family who can’t believe how he’s being
Annie I’m in England..
I just don’t feel able to find any way to be happy or work on me right now with all this hate coming at me from him..I haven’t experienced anything like this since being bullied as a child so it majorly triggers me to withdraw…and I was doing so well shifting my vibe and moving forward, getting a new hair do and slowly giving up control..such as when he goes out and chooses not to tell me where he’s going I don’t ask him..I just practise letting go..I want to CD but so much of my time is invested in my girls and work
I wish some guy would just sweep me off my feet lol!
what do I do in the face of this recent step up in anger and hatred from him..do I still keep calm and civil..I mean if I don’t then what am I teaching my girls?

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:49pm
398: Tereana says:

Starla, I missed that about your family. I’m guessing it was the storm? Glad to hear they are ok (physically)..

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:52pm
399: Daria says:

i feel glad Starla’s family is safe

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:52pm
400: Daria says:

im making bone broth out of my grass fed cow bones…

and it got to the part where the meat is coming off the bone and MMM

i just ate it with salt and i gave soem to my cat

and he liked it so much he jumped on the table to make sure i KNOW he wants more

lol

yum and now i feel all warm and nourished

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 10:54pm
401: maxine says:

I also feel like he thinks by making my life here so uncomfortable then I will just move out and then he gets everything..our girls..home etc and not to mention my money as he will get child support from me if I am the one to leave…it would basically solve all his problems if I simply dissappeared
BUT as I say..I am not going to do that to my girls..they need me..
I am very tempted today to give my notice in at work and then there are no obstacles in the way of being with my girls
I love my job and it gives me independance but he’s always hated me going out to work and him being PT…he used to accuse me of all sorts..like one day he started a row with me and told me that I only care about myself simply because after work on a hot day I came straight home and showered!!!

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:01pm
402: Smile says:

((Maxine))

It took me a while and a lot of reading but circular dating is not just about ‘dating’ you can try it with everyone you meet, including yourself.

If your in England, can you go to the citizens advice to ask about living arrangment? My brother got lots of free support from them.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:46pm
403: Smile says:

Maxine,

Also just quick before I go to work. There are feeling messages you can say when you hear his anger. Lots was shared around this for simply goddess on the last thread.

I dint feel good hearing your anger…

Then you leave and take care if yourself.

Hope other sirens can help you with this.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012 @ 11:55pm
404: Francesca says:

Tereana @396

A Universe Box is like a wish list but in a box.

You get a box you like, it doesn’t have to be anything expensive, since it’s the intention that counts, you write down what you want, whatever you can think of (money, car, house, love, etc.) on pieces of paper, you put them in your box and you let it go and let the Universe do its thing!

Quite simple but it seems to be working!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 2:26am
405: Daria says:

i just discovered a belief to be rough and vigorous with my body :/

not aware and pleasurable

i want to “work out” and feel PLEASURE the whole time

THAT is how it would feel good

thats how i want it done

not this rough man shove it down stuff

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 2:54am
406: Daria says:

if i can have sex however i want it

i can touch and move myself however i want to

and thats pleasurable

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 2:55am
407: Daria says:

i cant believe i was casting myself as the wannabe friend losery girl

now im casting myself as a star

wanted by all admired and loved by all

liveing a faery life

im living safe, amazing, exalted, admired, seen, faery, natural,

fericita

faerychita

enchanted

magical and magical and magical

and always magical and

feels great amazing faericita

its ok to be like this all the time

its ok even if they said it wasnt

ha d concerns taht it would distract you and then you go back and die

i want to finish that story in a way to feel good

im giving my divinity permission to finish that story for me

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 2:59am
408: Daria says:

stories are medicine

songs are medicine

movies are medicine

food is medicine

“mind goes blue black”

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 3:00am
409: Daria says:

wow Daria youre so good

and capable

and smart

and aware

you really just did that for me

wow i feel blown away

i admire you

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 3:10am
410: Daria says:

thank you for doing that wonderful and pleasurable and so aware stretch for me

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 3:12am
411: Goddess Lily says:

BAB,

I’m in the US.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 3:51am
412: Turquoise says:

Thanks Tereana! I do feel great most of the time the universe box was an idea silver moonbeam first shared, I think back in February. Several of us had fancy ones… Mine was an Italian jewelry music box beside my bed. The idea was to write down what you want and give it over to the universe. At that time, a lot for me was about reconciling with my ex. Which actually we have…. But not in the romantic, get back together way I wanted. Instead, we talked it through, wasn’t what he wanted and I let it go. It felt so freeing to really let it go and be open to something new. My ex and I are friendly, he went car shopping with me, helped me with the financing. I decided taking the best from him is receiving and I deserve it. I’ve always been a giver, but more so an over functioner. That’s probably the hugest change I see in myself since coming here.
Mr. C. Fills me up in a lot if ways, but I know I want more…. So now working through my feelings for him, to kind of see how I can have it all. It’s amazing to be so aware now. I see things so clearly. I’m working on me right now. Loving myself enough to make good choices, to be responsible for myself. A lot of why I’ve wanted to remarry was for the financial aspect. To not have to take care of myself completely. I see now that’s putting myself down. Not loving myself enough to strive and dream and work hard to giveysekfvwhat I want. I’m capable! I’ve had a lot of aha moments lately….. And most have been about being my best self. I’m taking my weight loss goals 5 pounds at a time. Saving a few dollars at a time…. Dreaming small ideas that I can achieve and feel that success. I know I still have a long way to go, but now I’m definitely on the right road. No doubts holding me back. It feels so freeing to let go of old ideas and beliefs that didn’t serve me. Basically, my main belief now is that I am enough.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:05am
413: Butterfly Wings says:

Hi sirens! I have drinks planned with NWG on Friday. It’s not a date – just after work drinks, and I’m planning on getting my flirt on! I’m still not convinced anything should or will happen with him but I am planning on having a fun night!

This will be the first night out since I emotionally let TH go…

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:05am
414: Goddess Lily says:

I have never felt more confused. My work ex that I love called out of the blue yesterday and offered to do this that and the other to me….really weird. I felt so speechless that I let him dome over. Next thing I know, he starts talking about our relationship and why he acted the way he has over the years. He was revealing a lot of his worries, almost all of which have to do with him. He may get a job out of the state so he doesn’t want to start anything. But then he says he’s afraid if we try again, we’ll break up. He did not take our first breakup well. Then he said something about not minding if we had an oops baby, my wording, not his. I think he would be trying to trap himself in a commitment. I feel so thrown off right now.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:06am
415: Turquoise says:

Oh, and with Mel’s box, it was simple, a paperclip box, she just wrote house, and shortly afterwards, her boyfriend asked her to live with him

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:09am
416: Turquoise says:

Butterfly Wings, way to go hope you have a blast !

Starla, I’m sorry to hear your family lost everything, but glad they are ok! It’s barely stopped raining here since Saturday, but we are ok.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:12am
417: Francesca says:

Turquoise and Butterfly Wings, you both rock!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:20am
418: Turquoise says:

One thing I’m going to note, is that being clear about what you want really helps achieve it, a lot faster. When I took reconciling with C out of my box, I met Mr. C. I just took the new car dream out of my box and I’m not adding anything new. I want to focus on the 3 I have left in there: weight loss, a raise and true love. I believe the true love, is actually about myself, not so much about a man…. Because when I truly love myself, anything will be possible. 2012 has been a good year for me. I’m amazed at how much I’ve changed my outlook.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:21am
419: Turquoise says:

Thanks Francesca what’s happening with you?

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:23am
420: Turquoise says:

Goddess Lily, that is a lot to think about. How do you feel about him? Would you want a long distance relationship?

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:24am
421: Tam says:

I had a triggerfest yesterday, and today has started similarly.
I realised that I feel so much resentment now, and still hold anger and thought it was already done.
It’s not even just the man, also a particular friend. I got stepped on, simply because my boundaries were crappy – and I blame them? And feel resentment?
How silly, since it was me who didn’t set and defend my boundaries, they were just doing what is human nature to do. Particularly those individuals for whom empathy and thinking abou others does not come natural and they usually only think about having their needs met by whatever way possible.

It’s all about me though. The resentment I feel is not towards them, but when I look at it – it’s all towards myself for not looking after myself properly.
I have been sabotaging myself.

I feel sad about this, because who will be left rootin for me, when I didn’t seem to be rooting for myself even? No wonder everyone has fallen by the wayside because they don’t see me as ‘useful’ right now to satisfy their needs. Maybe, if I had set my boundaries earlier, those kinds of people wouldn’t even be in my life anymore now.
I am wondering why I ever thought so little of myself to give people the power to shatter my dream by talking me in and out of things, or give them the power to walk all over me and request favours rather than ask for them….
or allowed them to run hot and cold on me depending on their needs and me like a puppy dog responding to that in whichever way suited them and not me.

What a triggerfest it was.
And I have nobody to blame – I wish I could blame someone, that would make it so much easier.
Urgh.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:37am
422: Vi says:

Emerson, Dominique I felt glad to see your feedback, thank you!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:39am
423: Tam says:

….and why feel resentment for them carrying on on their merry little way without looking back? I feel the resentment because that is what I should be doing now.
Not looking back, and looking forward. Why can’t I just do that and wish them luck rather than almost feel jealous that they seem to ‘have it all’ and I was dropped because I outlived my usefulness.
Shouldn’t I be the one smiling and running and feeling happy that I am rid of the nonsense.

I feel confused and tearful. Maybe its hormonal also. Who knows

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:42am
424: surferchica says:

Tam, have you ever read this blog:

http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2011/08/emotions-of-grief-after-a-breakup/

It was really helpful for me as I got over my last two break ups. It’s normal, proper, really, to feel the loss deeply. When a man doesn’t, it can make you feel like you’re irrational. But the truth is, the men who are not good for us *don’t* feel deeply. They don’t have the capacity, which is why they wind up hurting us too easily. They move on to keep from feeling anything but what they permit—a kind of “above the fray” attitude toward deep emotion and connection.

Don’t be deceived. He only appears happy. He isn’t any different than he was with you. But let’s pretend he is. IT DOESN’T MATTER. Your life, your grief—these are yours to care about.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:46am
425: Francesca says:

Turquoise, you should drop by on the FB group, you would learn all about it!

I really don’t feel like writing about it here…sorry.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:55am
426: Annie says:

397: maxine says:

“thanks Smile and Annie for listening to my story
I felt so awful when I posted and to be heard felt lovely
I have good friends and other family who can’t believe how he’s being
Annie I’m in England..
I just don’t feel able to find any way to be happy or work on me right now with all this hate coming at me from him..I haven’t experienced anything like this since being bullied as a child so it majorly triggers me to withdraw…and I was doing so well shifting my vibe and moving forward, getting a new hair do and slowly giving up control..such as when he goes out and chooses not to tell me where he’s going I don’t ask him..I just practise letting go..I want to CD but so much of my time is invested in my girls and work
I wish some guy would just sweep me off my feet lol!
what do I do in the face of this recent step up in anger and hatred from him..do I still keep calm and civil..I mean if I don’t then what am I teaching my girls?”

I would love to be able to give you the best advice Maxine, but feel Rori and Dominique are best for that.
I don’t know what is best for you short term or long term What do you want long term? When you know this you can slowly work towards that.
It does sound like if you are able to get dressed up and date yourself as much as pos odd evening weekend day and CD get yourself out of there and practice roris tools that you would get a clearer picture of what you want and feel better.

From what I can gather working 30 hrs a week and getting top ups if you kick him out is financially best option.
Only problem is then you need babysitter if you want to cd.
So it is what you think is your best option for now to work towards tour best long term option.
For me getting out there and doing something fun is and cding made me feel better and get a clearer picture.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:55am
427: Annie says:

maxine.

401: maxine says:

“I also feel like he thinks by making my life here so uncomfortable then I will just move out and then he gets everything..our girls..home etc and not to mention my money as he will get child support from me if I am the one to leave…it would basically solve all his problems if I simply dissappeared
BUT as I say..I am not going to do that to my girls..they need me..
I am very tempted today to give my notice in at work and then there are no obstacles in the way of being with my girls
I love my job and it gives me independance but he’s always hated me going out to work and him being PT…he used to accuse me of all sorts..like one day he started a row with me and told me that I only care about myself simply because after work on a hot day I came straight home and showered!!!”

You don’t have to go anywhere Maxine.
You are entitled and will get help to stay in the family home with your girls until the youngest in 18.
Are you able to get holiday and get appointment with citizens advice?

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:59am
428: Tam says:

Thanks surferchica, nice words.
The worst of it is that there wasn’t even a breakup as not even a relationship. Something like, I guess.

And it’s not even about one person. I just get dropped and feel used as and when it suits, two people in particular, two strong personalities…and I realise it’s not them at all, they just do what they do and they don’t owe me anything.
I owe myself though.
I just had a big revelation.
I have been concentrating what they do, whilst I should have been concentrating on me.
Urgh. Weird feelings.
Perhaps I feel bad concentrating on me. Brings up too much stuff. No idea.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:06am
429: Vi says:

Oh wow I feel in my head reading about school / homeschooling… mmm.. I feel triggered to imagine that one day I’ll have children … hmm I feel my teeth clenched and I feel tightness in my chest and neck… my fists feel stiff .. my Yang energy says that he loves my tightnes.. hehe and it feels genuine and I feel warm and giggly and I feel trust.. omg and it feels so good! hmmm… when I have children, I .. I … I will immediately turn “old”! Omg I feel shocked and kinda panicy and embarrased… to dig out such a belief of mine. Awww.. I love my beliefs and my panic and shock and embarrassement! mmmm… I feel an urge to “resolve” that and I don’t know how and I feel sad…. hmmm.. I love my sadness mmmm….. expanding and experiencing would feel good… it would feel fun to experience motherhood… okay no need to rush my dear … and “resolve” … I don’t want me to feel stressed.. Vi you just felt shocked and I want you to be gentle to yourself – says my Yang energy… hehe ….. mmm it feels good to be aware … I feel curious what wotherhood would feel like to me… I love you Vi

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:08am
430: Goddess Lily says:

Turquoise,

A long distance relationship wouldn’t even be half the problem. We don’t even hang out now, he’s always busy working….but I think much of that is him avoiding a relationship because he is afraid to fail. He sticks with what he is good at…..business. I don’t know whether he would ever get past that fear. And then as much as I love and respect him and we know each other sooooo well, if I really think back, do I really want him? I feel conflicted about not knowing whether much of our issues were related to his fear of relationship failure.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:21am
431: Tam says:

Surferchica, that is quite a profound sentence and so true…:
‘But the truth is, the men who are not good for us *don’t* feel deeply. They don’t have the capacity, which is why they wind up hurting us too easily. They move on to keep from feeling anything but what they permit—a kind of “above the fray” attitude toward deep emotion and connection.’

Especially when they are emotionally unavailable and even say themselves that they are cold as ice.
Well, I was a bit like that too….it’s like I am feeling the aftershocks of a huge earthquake that hit me a few months ago, the realisation that I had a lot of my own wmotional unavailability to heal.
I guess I still haven’t come out of intensive care yet, all the while I want to rip off my hospital gown and run out, pretending I am healed.
Urgh, urgh, urgh..sometimes I feel hopeless.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:29am
432: Tam says:

Right now I just feel abandoned and alone. And hormonal.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:30am
433: Dominique says:

Tereana – 377 – I feel delighted the article helped.

As for my former situation, K is not like this. He felt my appreciation for him in other areas and in other ways, the ways I was still learning for myself with him appreciating me, the not in words ways. He is also a very wise and patient man. I don’t know this for sure, but I can guess that he recognized on some level (not necessarily consciously) that I was his woman, and I was working really hard to heal my stuff.

I think if you can let go of most any preconceived ideas and just BE in each and every moment, you will feel better. No anticipation, no expectation.

You said it though I will tweak the ending.

“I know that, when the time comes, what is actually right for me ‘will show up’”

xxoo

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:40am
434: Vi says:

I feel scared of my belief and feel amused by the feeling and kinda aww.. thank you Vi it fe
els so good to feel connected with you!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:49am
435: Dominique says:

Ulii – 385 – You have nothing to lose at this point. If you want to reach out, try it. “I feel badly about how things ended (played out, unraveled, or some other word or expression which fits). I miss you ad would love to see you (talk to you).”

Do your best to not hold onto any expectations.

xxoo

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:50am
436: Vi says:

And now I feel even unsure that I belive this belief.. hehe I feel bored to think about it Yay!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:59am
437: Tam says:

Feeling a little better, I wrote in my journal.
Can’t stop thinking, work is slow as somehow a lot of stuff is tied in with phone lines etc going over new york where things are flooded sooooooo…nothing happening, dead lines etc.
I wish I was super busy and didn’t have to think so much….well, I am moving later on so I will be busy.
What a strange few weeks it’s been.
I guess I looked forward to coming out here so much that I completely forgot the reality of life.
I was in cloud cuckoo land, well at least I am no longer there.
Reality does have something comforting about it, even if it is never as good as the illusion.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 6:19am
438: Mel says:

Flowerchild,

I feel deep sympathy and a bit of kinetic energy building in my muscles… remembering the “stop—go” sensation I felt when my marriage ended.

I felt a bit paralyzed by the grief of it. And I know it’s not really comparable to losing the one you love when their time comes too soon, but it was grief nonetheless.

I just remember feeling as though my life had been paused. Everyone around me was moving at regular speed, but I was frozen in time… unable to move forward… stuck.

One of the biggest losses for me was the perceived death of some of my dreams. Dreams I had of starting my own business in the country, wildflowers and dew and water running nearby. Dreams of children, of being a mother.

It was only when I acknowledged these feelings of loss and honored them, that I realized that I could do all of these things on my own if I wanted. How I went about achieving them, minor details… a bit different, altered, but the true essence of the dreams were still all mine. Mine alone.

I bought myself a little necklace, a symbol of my dreams as a reminder that I can still have all I have ever wanted. It might take me a bit longer, but I’ll get there someday.

I am working toward my career dream slowly but surely. I now am blessed to have two wonderful children in my life, even if they never came from my physical body.

I wonder if your grief around the house is telling you something. Something that you truly want for yourself. You can still have that dream, perhaps it just might look a little different.

One day, you will be walking in the country and come across a beautiful little property. A chattery flock of birds will flutter across your path and roost in the nearby blossoming trees. You will smell the soft decay of fall leaves exposed by the melting snow of spring, and feel the warmth of the golden sun on your face. There is a beautiful little house with big windows overlooking the land and it’s vacant… for sale….all yours!

I fan feel it almost… can you feel it? Can you envision it for yourself? You deserve it!

Love to you!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 6:21am
439: MissStix says:

Mel

Ahhh your words really resonated with me. Yes…My world was on pause after everything went down with my ex. Envisioning it now like one of those scenes in a movie, where I am standing still in the middle of a crowd and everything seems to be moving at fast forward around me. There I am in the shot standing totally still. Tears running down my face and no one noticed or knew. Just bustling about with their lives.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 6:46am
440: MissStix says:

I still think of and feel you every day flowerchild. You occupy a little space in the upper right area of my chest and in the right side of the front of my mind. And when I think of you it is actually that picture of your son that materializes there in my brain. Love to you.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 6:48am
441: BAB says:

I’m always making a conscious effort to set time oh mine away for my SO, but failing many times to do the same for myself, pushing it out to another day or another time.
Im making a promise to myself to keep my dates with myself firm and enjoy me, he will be there when I get home and if he’s not, I had 5 years of time with just him. it will be ok!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 6:49am
442: Mel says:

(((Miss Stix)))

I have memories of sitting on a city bench outside a bookstore, waiting for my car-pool ride. Sunglasses on to hide the tears running down my face. People busily scurrying past, going about their business. Tightness in my chest, tears welling, sobbing now. Alone in a crowd of fast-moving people. Invisible in my sadness, but feeling powerless to get up and walk somewhere else.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 6:51am
443: MissStix says:

I found a poem I wrote for my ex husband in my email. It was written about 8 years ago. I would have been 21. He was suffering from very severe panic disorder. Having several violent panic attacks every day. He refused medication and proceeded to spend a year overcoming the disorder on his own. It was a very tough year.

I feel a little nervous. But I also feel desire to post it, and release it then delete it from my email. ((((that girl)))) ((((that boy))))

I will sit with this feeling a minute before I post it.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 6:54am
444: BAB says:

Ha having said thati feel like I’m not entirely ok with the statement ” and if he’s not, I had 5 years off time with him ” just reading that back makes my stomach feel tight and irritated.. I feel afraid of being alone, and of loosing this love, even if this love is not all that. Think it should be I still feel in love. I hope Iam not fooling myself.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 6:54am
445: RiverGirl says:

Thank you Mel for this post. You wrote it for Flowerchild but I feel so comforted reading it. I lost my Dad yesterday morning and I’m awake in the middle of the night with thoughts swirling in my head. I just logged on to read for a while…this was first thing I read.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 6:58am
446: Mel says:

I recently learned that during this incredibly motionless dark period of my like, a certain someone, in an equally dark time in his life, spent his late afternoons inside the aforementioned bookstore as he waited for the bus. I wonder how many times we may have crossed paths, being too absorbed in our grief to notice one another?

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:03am
447: BAB says:

So am I Godess, the cold state! Lol yay winter…

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:04am
448: BAB says:

Mel- even tho it was a sad time for you and the other person, I love the idea of your last post. I’m not sure why I feel such a connection to it.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:07am
449: Mel says:

He was also working on a project in the small town I lived in during the period of isolation I experienced before the marriage completely broke down. Again, I don’t remember ever seeing him, even though I went on daily walks and the town was tiny.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:10am
450: MissStix says:

I changed my mind and just deleted it. It felt so private and so “long ago”…I feel cleansed.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:11am
451: Mel says:

Everything happens in its time when we are ready for it.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:11am
452: Goddess Lily says:

BAB,

Are you on the siren fb?

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:11am
453: MissStix says:

I also feel a little sad. First love is so deep. I feel sad to know I will never feel that deeply for anyone again. I also feel relieved.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:12am
454: MissStix says:

I am realizing how poignant that poem was. The title “A silent tear”. I tried so hard to be so strong with him. And 6 years later when it was all falling apart no one knew. My tears were so loud I swore they could be heard across the universe. Yet they were silent.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:18am
455: BAB says:

Goddess- I didn’t know there was one? I’ll search it.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:23am
456: BAB says:

Aww maybe that was pointless there’s a ton of siren pages:/ lol

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:24am
457: Goddess Lily says:

One of the sirens that created it has to add you. Since this blog is public and anyone including our men can read it, I prefer to attempt to remain anonymous here.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:29am
458: BAB says:

Oh, oh well! No big deal:)

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:38am
459: T-Girl says:

((((Rivergirl))), so sorry to hear about your dad.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:42am
460: MissStix says:

The fb page is “secret” so it can’t be searched…

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 8:25am
461: MissStix says:

BAB

If you would like to be added I believe Butterfly Wings can do it

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 8:29am
462: Goddess Lily says:

I just used my first “what do you think?” with my ex and now Ifeel exposed. Not sure I’m ready for the answer.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 8:30am
463: Goddess Lily says:

He said he thinks his brain and mouth were crossing lines and he doesn’t know what he was trying to say ….and he wishes had a better explanation. What am I supposed to do with that? Drop it?

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 8:37am
464: Starla says:

Well, my car wouldn’t start this morning. I’ve had it for 2 weeks! Eeek.

I feel grateful that my family is okay, even though they lost everything

I feel grateful that I even have the resources to get my car fixed.

gratitude gratitude gratitude

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 8:39am
465: Calypso says:

Happy Halloween, Sirens!

We dress up at work – I am a vampire today, with a long black wig, face mareup and fangs. I wore tight jeans, high heeled black boots and a long sexy sweater – First comment I got was that i look like Cher . . . Lol – I’m not sure she would be pleased, but i was!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 8:49am
466: LiliBee says:

(((Rivergirl)))

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:09am
467: BAB says:

MissStix-Thanks!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:12am
468: Femininewoman says:

I wish I could celebrate halloween with you. I just got power back last nite but no cable, Internet or phone. I am seeing a lot of uprooted trees on houses in the neighborhood. No school or work all week yet.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:15am
469: CurvySiren10 says:

I’m so sorry for your loss Rivergirl. Hugs.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:16am
470: Femininewoman says:

Have not heard from family in the Rockaways or Long Beach yet.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:17am
471: CurvySiren10 says:

Wow FW…glad you are okay. But the devastation up there is really awful.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:20am
472: Femininewoman says:

(((((((((((RiverGirl)))))))) hope you have loads of great memories of the good life he lived

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:20am
473: Goddess Lily says:

Do I say anything else to him? I feel perturbed.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:21am
474: April Rose says:

(((((RiverGirl)))))

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:21am
475: Calypso says:

Love & Hugs to all the Sirens with Hurricane issues… So much loss and sadness for everyone involved up there. My area was not impoacted at all, but we are still recovering from massive destruction from tornados 2 years in a row. My family has been lucky.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:22am
476: Goddess Lily says:

((((RiverGirl))))

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:22am
477: Starla says:

fw, my family is in long beach… it’s not good there. no electric, sewer, water, or cell service. where in long beach are they?

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:23am
478: Heart says:

Went to the hairdresser…feeling great about that….
had a financial glitch….feeling worried about that…hoping to resolve it soon…
Romanced myself tonight…I’ve decide to not just date myself but romance myself seeing that I cringed when I wrote I want romance to a guy. I ran my typical hot bath with oils and I lit some candles and sandlewood incense and I was like I had a mini vacation…and looked at the smoke & steam relaxed me….I felt so soothed & supple….for 15 mins…until I felt overheated and stiffled from the smoke…
Going to pick wildflowers for myself at some point & play myself some music…

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:23am
479: Femininewoman says:

LoveAlways my heart feel swelled up with hope and faith after reading your comments

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:31am
480: BAB says:

Gonna take the baby into the foyer and sing like I don’t care who hears! Haven’t felt ok going this in forever!!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:35am
481: Femininewoman says:

They are close to the beach

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:50am
482: April Rose says:

surfachica 424,

Thank you for the link. Reading the blog there, about break-ups was really helpful.

It says it is normal to feel lost and confused and to be searching for what is lost.

(((((LoveAlways))))) I recommend it to you, too.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:51am
483: Luzydel says:

There was no work today; Im from the east coast and lucky my area was not affected as much as the shore; besides a few trees down, but I am feeling low; need to get back to the routine. Got a flat and some neighbors help out to put the spare. I feel yucky, and bored.

I am wonder if I am depressed, but I am very focused on other things such a s work, house etc. I just feel uninterested in socializing or people in general.
I do not like people lately, and I want to be alone…

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 9:53am
484: Starla says:

481 fw, west or east end?

I know long beach like the back of my hand. I spent my childhood there.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:03am
485: Tam says:

FW!!! I had been wondering how you were!!!

Oh crikey, I am back in my condo after a really mad morning….couldn’t be happier although the memories come back from lovely times….the past sneaks in again.

And the girl that was in here was a young one, and clearly didn’t have any cleaning skills…she ruined the carpet and the toilet and bathtubs need a hammer really – but when I think of all the poor people up north I feel eternally grateful, especially as we had the brush here and I see some of my neigbours are still flooded too…I feel very lucky really!!
Love to all those affected.

Non more MrNap.
Phew.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:06am
486: Starla says:

fw, you may know this already, but all residents are evacuating/should have evacuated by now, until utilities are restored.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:08am
487: BAB says:

Yay me i did much better today not needing to hear from my man to feel good, happy and like my day can start! I made my own day and mood today:)

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:10am
488: Starla says:

fw
http://www.facebook.com/LongBeachNyHurricaneInformation

i know you don’t have fb but maybe u can see these posts

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:13am
489: Calypso says:

Drill Sgt CD is emailing me again. he is soooooo dang HOT! Have mercy!

I just told him I like the way the sound of his voice makes me feel . . .

I’m being such a COUGAR!!!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:26am
490: Starla says:

fw, here is a google spreadsheet being managed by residents of missing folks

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Ate0GzHCtEYodDVEdlA2ZzNLMFJXcGdMUzJxcW83QkE#gid=0

locals are using that spreadsheet and searching for those people. you might want to get on that fb page.

i think that’s all i got for now

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:39am
491: Femininewoman says:

I only have Internet while on the road. Gas lines are ludicrous. Just pulled out of one station with no gas signs. Yesterday the lines here were long all day n nite.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:39am
492: Dominique says:

Oh my what a terrible mess it is out there. Apparently my car got flooded, but i feel thankful it still works.

My dear friend in Seaside lost everything, the existence of her house still unknown. Please send her love.

xxoo

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:40am
493: Miss Bells says:

#445
((((Rivergirl)))) so sorry for your loss…

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:47am
494: BAB says:

I feel very a noted right ow, had a moment where a welling or thought flooded me almost like a revelation about my situation and now it’s completely gone can’t remember what it was or even about grrrrr:/

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:48am
495: BAB says:

Dang ipad*

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:57am
496: FlowerChild77 says:

(((((Rivergirl))))) I’m so sorry. I lost my mother last year, as well. You will be in my thoughts and prayers <3

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 11:18am
497: Daria says:

Dang I feel numb about this hurricane shit. It really does sound awful, not like last time. If I’m in the East coast, I will make sure to fly / ride back west when I hear one is coming.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 11:26am
498: FlowerChild77 says:

Mel…Thank you so much. I know there is a future, but it’s cloudy and hard to see right now.

It’s very hard to imagine ever being able to have a little farmhouse and some land…something that took us, TOGETHER, all these years to nearly pay off. (And this was with him working at a union job for many of those years.)

I know it will take time for me to have a more reasonable and positive view of my life. You’re right. It is the loss of our dreams that I grieve and miss. Very, very much.

I am physically tired from going through this. I feel good for awhile and then I have one of those dreams and it seems like all my progress disappears. Some days I feel like I just can’t go on anymore.

I still do not want to take anti-depressants, although the thought is very tempting sometimes.

Again, thank you. I wouldn’t be able to survive without you all <3 I do feel better today than I did yesterday…

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 11:38am
499: Iamabutterfly says:

Does anyone else have to deal with a sea of Married Friends? Does anyone feel pressure to pair up because of these married friends?

Last night I was at an event and the one other single person in our “married friend group” was there, and I felt so lopsided and awkward because I was carrying things and I felt hot in some places and cold in others.

I felt pressure from him? me? the married people there? that I need to get with this guy. but he hasn’t asked me out.

we’ve always been “just friends.” It’s been my choice. He’s done a lot of sweet things for me, and asked me to do things with him, and introduced me to his friends, but I just don’t feel a dang thing. I think if I was going to feel something I would after like seven years or something. Please don’t judge me. I feel scared I’m going to be judged and told that “why don’t you like a man who treats you well?”

I feel like I’m waiting for that “in love” feeling. I’ve only felt it once, for a long time with one person and then again, briefly.

I feel like Emily Maynard.

Who is chasing a feeling, rather than a relationship with a real, flawed person.

No one is ever going to be a good enough father for Ricki and no one is ever going to make her feel like Ricky Hendrix did, because she’s never going to be that young again, have all those new experiences with someone again.

It’s like, exactly how I feel.

I’ll never be that young, needy, hopeful, or dependent again and for some reason, it breaks my heart.

Like I’ll never feel that deep awe, respect, and attraction for a man again.

Because no one measures up to him or that feeling he gave me or the way it all slowly unfolded until I messed it all up with my fear and freezing up.

I feel angry and sad!

Why, when I finally find someone who makes me feel all that awe and respect and joy and fear, why does he always have to get a girlfriend and then look at me like he feels guilty or something?

this is a pattern. I HATE this pattern.

I don’t know how to get out of this pattern.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 11:42am
500: Mercedes says:

I’m so sorry for everyone affected by the hurricane. Relief that many are okay but heartbreaking all the same. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 11:47am
501: FlowerChild77 says:

iamabutterfly…I can relate to how you feel…that you’ll never find anyone you feel the same about and who loves you the same. ((Hugs))

I know it’s not “true” but it feels real. I try to ask myself ‘the work’ (BK) questions…Is it true? How can I know that it’s true? The answers depend on what day it is and how I feel. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 11:47am
502: FlowerChild77 says:

And yes…it is hard because nearly all of our friends are ‘couples’ and I can’t be around them right now. It hurts too much. I understand.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 11:49am
503: BAB says:

I wanna send my man a txt so bad right now, but I don’t want to perpetchuate the neediness I feel attached to him texting me back. If I txt him and he doesn’t answer I check my phone a million times to see if I missed him. If he does txt me I feel the need to txt back immodestly so i can speak with him and then when he doesn’t txt back I feel hurt or forgotten. Even tho I know every well how busy he gets at work.. I wish I had something I could do at work to fill me up and take the focus off him??

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:02pm
504: BAB says:

Sending my thoughts to everyone affected by the storm, I can’t imagine:(

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:02pm
505: Iamabutterfly says:

(((((FlowerChild77))))) – thanks so much!!! I feel heard and supported and empathized with and NOT crazy and it feels sooooo great, you have no idea!!!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:03pm
506: Starla says:

BAB, what if you sent a text, and then challenged yourself not to check it for 20 minutes longer than it usually takes him to respond?

i’ve been in your shoes, and i found that resisting the urge to text was almost as bad as pining for a response when i did text, vibe wise. I think maybe the better baby step could be to send the text, and then work on the needy expectation part.

just some thoughts:)

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:05pm
507: BAB says:

Starla-Thank you for the idea, I may try it! It is very hard, I remember doing this even when we first started dating 5 yrs ago, I wonder if I should not txt at all because of how deep this runs. And I feel in my heart the only reason I want to send him a sweet nothing is to show him I’m thinking about him and loving him ( because Iam feeling uncomfortable with all the female friends he’s showing his halloween costume to today) silly me I know, but that’s the truth..

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:15pm
508: BAB says:

Focus BAB focus! I’m buying myself some flowers on my way home from work:) that will feel great!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:18pm
509: Tereana says:

Heart – I just read your #17. I know exactly how you feel!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:18pm
510: maxine says:

Smile and Annie..
Thank u both I feel really comforted reading both your wisdom..
“you don’t have to go anywhere” resonated through my body and heart all day at work..I feel like you gave me a gift thank you sooo much
I know they are simple words but when someone sees your life clearly..maybe more clearly than you can in that moment it just feels releasing
I feel released for tonight and in the face of all this awfulness I gave my girls the same lovely Halloween they get each year
I feel gratitude for me for being so ‘grown up’ and caring
I feel grateful for this blog and Sirens on it..its my lifeline right now
I feel grateful and a little shameful that my issues are small in comparison with the devastation some of you Sirens in the States are in the middle of or touched by right now..mother nature finds a way to put things into perspective..

oh and like magic..I wished in my post this morning for a ‘man to sweep me off my feet’ well..enter into my life Dubai CD…
thats right…HE LIVES IN DUBAI..but comes to England often..
sigh..so near yet so far..he’s shown up around me at work a few times and last time we sat in this seminar together he kept leaning into me and touching my arm when he spoke to me..today my work friend told me he’d been asking about me..yay!
weird thing is he’s NOT my type AT ALL..but my recent ex and soulmate was all I wanted in a guy and I decided today that maybe it’s time to just be open to all varieties lol!
But seriously..I am feeling attracted to guys who look opposite to ex..and I think its making the idea and transition of CDing feel more…I don’t know..like baby steps

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:39pm
511: BAB says:

Txted him a normal happy txt, about my excitement for a movie that’s oming out. Got a woot!!!! In response. Feeling disappointed and blah.. Haha at the same time joyful like seeee you didn’t really need to hear from him, even tho my heart skipped a beat when the phone went off. Humm

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:47pm
512: Daria says:

I had a cool insight w my neighbor guy friend cd that he’s like I don’t really dig sunsets , I like the after part

And I’m like me too! I always felt guilty and a bit left out and icky sad for not getting into subsets and forgetting all about them

I Love the sun at high noon times and I love dusk and night

And morning once the sun is firmly up

I feel happy when I see the outside at those times

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:50pm
513: Daria says:

I feel a ‘quickening’ at dusk

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:51pm
514: Iamabutterfly says:

IamaLlama. I spit.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:53pm
515: FlowerChild77 says:

You’re welcome, iamabutterfly <3

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 12:53pm
516: Goddess Lily says:

I feel short of breath. Anxious. Uncertain. My sister has offered to help me get another job. There’s nothing wrong with my current job except that it is stagnant and at what I consider to be a red headed step child sinking ship of an organization. I feel this way because I would have to relocate, rent my house, make new friends although I don’t really have that many here anyway and learn a job and prove myself based on my sister’s recommendation. She would be staking her reputation on my performance. And I feel terrified. I feel scared of the location even. It would be in the DC/VA area. I’m ultra suburban and not like DC is a city city but it’s a different culture and mindset that I’m used to. And then what if I hate the job? This is a one time deal, I won’t be able to turn back and I will be in an extremely high cost of living area. And all this worry could be for nothing. My sister may not be able to come through. And then I will really feel stuck but also relieved. However when my sister wants something to happen, it always does. Even if she makes a “stupid” decision, things turn out fantastic. She is extremely blessed. I’ve had more my mother’s luck in life, not my sister’s. Maybe her blessings can rub off on me. Still terrified though.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:00pm
517: Goddess Lily says:

Worrying is my mother’s way. Thinking the worst will happen is her way. I want to be different. I want to choose the best possible outcome. What are the positive things if I can get this phantom job (because I really don’t even know what I’ll be doing)?

-I can meet new friends.
-I can have better weather.
-I can meet new men to date…with jobs….and retirement plans (this is a big deal for me as I like security). I’m so over my current city anyway.
-I can be closer to my sister.
-I can gain new job experiences for my resume.
-I can move around to a different place eventually if I dislike the one I get.
-Eventually I can make more money. (Although even with a promotion from where I am now, cost of living will make me take home less.)

Focus on these things. These things can and will happen.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:08pm
518: FlowerChild77 says:

>>>”IamaLlama. I spit.”<<<

Ok..I'm confused. Is it not 'i am a butterfly'? I'm sorry if I got it wrong.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:08pm
519: Calypso says:

Drill Sgt is talking dirty to me in email right now and it is really turning me on. He’s telling me everything he wants to do to me on his desk, in the shower, on his bed. I’m so excited right now I can hardly sit still . . .

I normally don’t like this, but there is something about him, the way he looks, the sound of his voice and the fact that he is in such a position of power that has me mesmerized.

Hot, Hot, Hot . . .

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:13pm
520: Calypso says:

Wow – the Hunter’s Moon must be having an effect on all of my men. JC just texted (he has been quiet for a couple of days) and said he would give me somethign better than candy if I came by his place tonight and THEN . . . GM texted me out of the blue and said, “Trick or Treat?” I replied “Treat”. He asked, “Which kind do you prefer?” and I said, “The hot, wet noisy kind – same as always . . . ” and he replied, “wow!”

This is fun! I’m feeling the Siren power today for sure!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:45pm
521: Daria says:

((((((((((((((((((Daria))))))))))))))))))))))

after crying from being triggered so shockingly last nite,

i feel no ‘worry’ about the stuff that was weighing me down previously

im back to feeling powerful and rooted in seeing love

yay thank you Daria

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:45pm
522: Daria says:

thank you Goddess Daria

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:45pm
523: Turquoise says:

Goddess Lily, maybe it’s a blessing, a new opportunity, that will lead to amazing things!

Rivergirl sending soooo many hugs!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:49pm
524: FlowerChild77 says:

Calypso…I don’t want to rain on your parade, but if it were me, I’d be wondering if I was the only woman (recruits’ mother) he might be talking to like this.

Maybe I’m just insecure and cynical. I’d just want to know that I wasn’t ‘one of many’ if I were letting myself be vulnerable in that way with a man. (I’m not rockstar enough to just have fun with it.)

Forgive me if I’m just being a party pooper

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:49pm
525: Daria says:

“:: Your Heart’s Desire ::

Today, simply notice how you FEEL as often as
possible. Then note the thought *beneath* the feeling.

Strong positive emotions indicate that your thought is
in *alignment* with your heart’s desire — you’re
being authentic!

Strong negative emotions mean that your thought is
*out of alignment* with your heart’s desire — you
need a new thought!

Example:

Your child ignores your request to come with you, and
you feel frustrated. You notice that you’re thinking
“s/he doesn’t respect me.”

You ask yourself, “What’s my heart’s desire?” The
first answer that comes to mind is “I want to be
respected.” But you notice it actually makes you feel
a bit worse.

So you go deeper into your heart, and you eventually
feel a wave of *relief* when you think, “I just want
to *know* that I’m worthy of respect, regardless of my
child’s behavior.”

The feeling of relief always indicates that your
thoughts are coming into alignment with your heart’s
desire. And emotions like love and appreciation
indicate total alignment…

Welcome home.

http://dailygroove.net/hearts-desire

“

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:50pm
526: FlowerChild77 says:

Ooops…I just read your other post, Calypso. I didn’t understand you really are being rockstar and having fun! Ignore my last post to you… Sorry to be negative.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:53pm
527: Turquoise says:

I scanned through the entire post trying to catch up quickly…. FW, I’m glad you are ok! Anyone else affected?

It’s been raining here since Saturday, and some areas have had some problems… but nothing major. C is in DC and said he lost power for 8 hours, but that was it.

Trick or Treating is postponed due to the weather, so taking the girls to the movies instead. Happy Halloween everyone! Hope you get some sweets!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:53pm
528: FlowerChild77 says:

I feel silly now for getting all serious and being a ‘debbie-downer’ :-p

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 1:54pm
529: Femininewoman says:

FlowerChild I have to admit I feel the same about the Drill Sgt. It can’t be his first or only time. Specially if he is skilled at it.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 2:07pm
530: Tereana says:

(((Rivergirl)))

I feel weirdly disconnected from the storm. I keep seeing all these incredible photos (not the photoshopped ones). And yet, I contacted my family, and my parents said they didn’t get hit much. It’s almost like a phantom storm, as well as a “Frankenstorm.” Some areas got hit really bad, apparently, and others not so much. Meanwhile, here in the Bay Area, we’ve been having sunny, lovely weather.

Except for today.

Today is cool and gloomy. (Appropriate for Halloween, I suppose.) And I noticed that my mood got cool and gloomy with it. And I suppose that’s okay.

I noticed “nasty voice” in my head, telling me that I should be happy, and why was I being so whiney and a party pooper? And this voice showed up as a prospective date or partner. A potential “boyfriend.” The bf was annoyed that I was not happier. He was upset that I was sad and not feeling good, just because of the weather. But this is my body, and this is how it responds to the environment. So, in my head, I told that voice/prospective bf, “F- you. This is how I feel. Deal with it.” lol. I don’t know if it worked. But I figured, if he doesn’t want to acknowledge or deal with my feelings, that’s okay. They’re my feelings. I get to honor them. And if someone else wants to, too, that’s their choice. I can choose to ignore them, if I want to.

: )

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 2:20pm
531: Calypso says:

Flowerchild – I appreciate the concern and trust me – I have no intensions of getting my heart anywhere near the Drill Sgt – lol. We are flirting. he is 16 years younger than me and 10 hours away. It’s a steamy hot distraction for both of us.

Thanks for calling me a Rick Star – I’m feeling it today! Maybe it is my “Cher” Vampire costume . . . LMAO

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 2:26pm
532: Calypso says:

I don’t want to be the first or only inappropriate co9ntact witht he DI – that would mean I am in danger of hurting his feelings when this ends, which of course it must.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 2:30pm
533: April Rose says:

Calypso,

I’m feeling giggly imagining you in your Halloween Cher costume

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 2:32pm
534: April Rose says:

I had a great newsletter from Adam Gilad today, about inspiring all the different ways for a man to be your hero.

Shame the e-book costs $67 I would love to read it.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 2:33pm
535: Calypso says:

April Rose – lol – Thanks! It’s been fun!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 2:37pm
536: FlowerChild77 says:

The lake is a beautiful turquoise color and the sky and clouds are pink. It’s so gorgeous to look at. I love the contrast. It will only last but a few short moments as the sun sets.

I feel so lucky sometimes…

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 3:37pm
537: Janie Baby says:

I feel confused today. Boyfriend came over monday night while sick and then tuesday morning i bought him orange juice and water ( i guess overfunctioned but i’d do it for a friend). I went to class, and he had cleaned my room and left a note saying “thanks for taking care of me. love you” but no contact since yesterday morning. i feel needy. i like it when my boyfriend contacts me everyday i like feeling connected. another guy i met last weekend called to ask me out and i’m contemplating hanging out with him just because i’m getting no affection or sex from my boyfriend lately. how do i tell my boyfriend i want to see other guys? it’s not that i want marriage, we’re only 22. It’s just hard to be in this exclusive committed relationship that used to be so amazing and now has become sexless and angry. Part of me wants to fix things and he keeps saying he’ll change but i don’t want to force a connection. i want it be there.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:15pm
538: Vi says:

I feel like a paddington bear in my showerproof hat. Just thinner taller and more glamorous and girly!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:42pm
539: April Rose says:

Hello Janie Baby

Have you read Rori’s e-book yet?

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:47pm
540: April Rose says:

Vi,
Are you covered in fur and wearing a duffle coat?

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:51pm
541: Janie Baby says:

yes i have read it.
but i feel frustrated waiting for him to come around to tell him how i feel. he knows i’m not happy with the relationship, and he does nothing, he expects me to feel better on my own. i don’t know. i don’tknow what to do. part of me wants to call him like WHat is your problem??! but obviously, i’m not going to. i just feel angry. and then when i see him i’ts hard to be warm and welcoming because i just feel anger. then everytime we spend time, i feel resentment. he finally tried to be intimate with me on staurday night, and i pushed him away because i’ve been so angry lately.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:54pm
542: Vi says:

Guys smiling at me and I feel short of breath and also tightness in shoulders and I feel they going up a little bit It feels like I’ve been squeezed ..hehe It feels scary I feel like a scared y cat

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:54pm
543: Daria says:

haaa i canceled on my new fun CD guy cuz he pushed the time back and he wasnt even gonna make THAT time…

and now… No Name CD suddenly popped up and wants to see me

yay!

havent seen him since i left and we made love

weee

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:54pm
544: Daria says:

im tellin my girls that my ‘fave boyfriend’ is coming to pick me up haha

im imagining myself inspiring them !

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 4:58pm
545: Vi says:

April Rose it feels too funny I nearly spilled my coffee

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:02pm
546: Daria says:

I have ‘lots of boyfriends’ like those glamorous women…

‘she was quite a beauty in her youth, and had lots of boyfriends pursuing her’

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:07pm
547: Daria says:

I’m a beauty in all ages!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 5:08pm
548: Annie says:

Feel pleased you are feeling happier Maxine.

Feel so sad to hear about the hurricane and hope everyone keeps safe. XXX

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 6:03pm
549: LoveAlways says:

(((((Rivergirl))))))

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 7:32pm
550: Daria says:

I’m wonderful

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:55pm
551: Daria says:

Lol I’m w No Name CD I’m feelin good

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 10:58pm
552: Tereana says:

Hm…Well, I was just settling into my guyatus, and then…guys showed up! Two guys, calling me at the same time. Lol. Both black dudes. double lol.

Apparently I have moved on from the brown men, into darker territory ; )

Interesting, though. I really do feel kind of “done” with Indian guys. They just dont seem to be coming through for me. A lot of them like me, I believe. But either it’s just casual, or they can’t really deal with dating a white woman, or both. So it just ends up feeling unsatisfying – even if I do have some fun in the moment. But I want fun in the moment that turns into a series of moments…

Then again, I suppose it always has to start with one…

Wednesday, 31 October 2012 @ 11:23pm
553: Daria says:

tonite felt fun and

i feel embarassed to be this vulnerable and talk about

how i want better sexual boundaries to have the activity more focused on my orgasm

im doing great with it

and i want even more

set the tone with it focused on my pleasure so theres no ‘sulking/grumbling / even q about it’

its ONLY about my pleasure

i feel a bit afraid of taht

im doing so great tho

improvements everytime it seems

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:13am
554: Daria says:

tomorrow i have a meeting with a guy that i also fetl turned on with sexually an open over the phone and skype

im practicing not going into ‘guilt’ or thinking that im somehow ‘stained’ or ‘icky’ to him cuz i just had sex

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:15am
555: Daria says:

undesirable

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:15am
556: Daria says:

‘how dare you kiss me when you just sucked another man’s dick’

i wish i nevr got traumatized with that

i never use to think about that and i remember the first time i heard it i thought it was stupid as i thought obviously the sperm doesn’t stay in their mouth so that is stupid

but now i bought into it so much it seams rational

im healing this!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:17am
557: Daria says:

i love ingesting sperm mm mmm

haha also my sexual partners often last just a few seconds/minutes on the first time we have sex

and they talk about how good i am and get really serious about it

and im having GREAT SUCCESS at having a mindset of ‘divine sexual innocence’ and bieng open and non0judgmental about it

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:19am
558: Daria says:

im getting my doors open EVERYTime, the food i want, yay doing great

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:21am
559: Daria says:

I love you Daria

Ok Daria pleasure and if feels uncomfy talk speech about goddess pleasure and not having man enter her until desire feels powerful which may not even happen, eve. After several irgasms

Man who figures out way to create powerful desire gets to enter

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:30am
560: Silver Moonbeam says:

#345 ((( Flowerchild ))))

I ache inside my heart reading your words, so can only imagine how you must feel, much love to you. <3

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 3:04am
561: Rebecca says:

Wow,

I am noticing I am finding it very difficult to focus on myself today.

The boss of my new company seems to have a real downer on me and I feel I can’t ask her any questions I might need answering without her nlowing up in my face. Then she berates me for getting it ‘wrong’. I can’t win I feel soooo stressed.

Yesterday she expected me to rush throughmu designs and do them ‘her’ way. Everything I suggested she turned her nose up at. But the desins that she wanted just didn’t fit the brief – and everyone else agreed with me apart from her but no-one was/is nrave enough to stand up to her.

What worries me is I’ll do the designs the way ‘she’ wants and the client won’t be happy with them. Also, I know she’ll blamee if the client isn’t happy.

How do I feal with this? I was tossing and turning all night. I feel really fed up and frustrated. I always gwt into these situations at work.

Any advice would be greatly accepted / appreciated.

I knowit sounds awful but I actually feel she is ‘Out to get me’.

Whenever I ask her something she talks down to me or just gives a flippant response and doesn’t really answer my question. Also she gives me misleading information – and I feel weary of her??? It’s like she is trying to confuse and mislead me. I feel really upset about this as she is my boss – it is her company.

Also it is a pattern with me. I often have work situations like this.

Do I lack confidence??

Am U saying the wrong things???

Hmmm……

I feel scared, over whelmed, angry….

It’s almost like she wants to prove a point with me. I feel she is trying to keep me in my place by giving me as little information as possible…

Nightmare…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 3:11am
562: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca I belieVe it might be your fear of losing the job that is running you. I would encouraage you to speak up in a soft vulnerable way about your feelings. Let her know it might be your issue but you feel disrespect when she speaks flippantly to you maybe even like a small child whose opinion doesn’t matter and as you want to respect her you need to talk about the communication between you two. Tell her you value your work and her opinion about it but your gut is telling you that you have onlygotten part of the info thus far.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 3:34am
563: Rebecca says:

FW – yes, thanks I will do.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 3:59am
564: Turquoise says:

It is still raining here. I’m lying in bed, thinking how good it would feel to have someone to cuddle with, to start my day off kissing. Wondering if I’ll ever have that full time again. I do love my big bed though, and have started really stretching out and enjoying it. At least I’m not listening to any snoring.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 4:13am
565: BAB says:

I broke down last night in bed. I had gone out w a friend and then came home had a glass of wine and did some painting on my own before snuggling and watching a show w my man. It felt wonderful to snuggle him and talk! I was however a little annoyed we didn’t talk more with out the tv on, it felt like he was reverting back to a few weeks ago and I’ll admit I was feeling scared.
So after the show I struggled w if I should ask him to come to bed w me because I had already used a feeling message maybe a weak one but still, I had said as we snuggled it would feel so good to fall asleep w you tonight and he replayed with ” umm humm ”
As I walked to bed my heart was heavy and I began to cry quietly, but the more I thought about how alone I was feeling and unwanted the more the sobs came and the sniffles. He came in a little after I was done and was consoling myself, and bent over me to ask if I was ok and looked for tears, I said yes because I wasn’t sure if I should share this and he said ” alright ur not lying to me right ” I said no ” he said ok you better not be ” w concern and kissed and hugged and Kaye’s on me saying he was worried about me. I finnally said I’m sorry I dont wanna lie to you I was crying, he looked at me and said why, I replayed with I was having a silly moment but it passes now, (shouldn’t have used silly because it wasn’t silly to me.) And said I’m feelIing better now. H said what do you mean silly and I told him i sometimes feel a little lonely going to bed alone. He said oh I’m sorry laid on me a min more excused himself to go to the bathroom and then came back and folded me into his arms and we fell asleep together:) I’m feeling a tinge of worry that I came off too needy? You ladies have any thoughts? This morning he came out kissed me right away and said good morning and asked if I was ok, I thanked him for going to sleep w me last night and that i slept do goid. he said “yeah you seemed a little upset do I wanted to snuggle you” I didn’t say anything to that but looked at him w a smile and said thank you.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 4:39am
566: BAB says:

I forgot to mention as I was soothing myself I sent him a txt saying thank you for the snuggles live! And told myself it was ok if he didn’t txt back, I felt back because I forgot to tell him because I was lost in me and do I was txting for myself not him. He did reply tho w ” no thank you for the snuggles my love:)” and I smiled and didn’t reply. Shortly after that he came in because I was sniffling away the feelings.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 4:48am
567: Francesca says:

Well, Sirens, I am single now.

And feeling pretty good about my decision to break up with EC.

No sadness, no regrets, no fear.

Just an unbelievable feeling of freedom and relief.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:01am
568: LoveAlways says:

BAB

I don’t see what you said or did as needy. You were speaking your feelings. Maybe not in feeling messages, but you were doing your best to be honest with yourself about your feelings, feel them and not act your feelings out on him. It was better to tell him you were crying. Silly was not accurate, a feeling message would have been better, but you did no seem needy to me. It was as siren-y in a bad moment as you could do and that’s a good step in the right direction

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:05am
569: Sassy says:

Marriage-nooooooo
Freedom-yesssssss

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:11am
570: Sassy says:

Starla,

Has warriorcd tried to contact you?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:15am
571: BAB says:

Thank you for the encoragement LoveAlways! Yes it felt wrong to say silly the minute I said it, but definitely a bad moment and I was caught off guard by him coming to check on me. I loved it tho! Can I ask what you mean by “acting them out on him” ? Was my sharing acting them out?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:15am
572: BAB says:

Ohh my texting was acting out my feelings on him!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:18am
573: BAB says:

I feel so greatfull for this blog, feels so releasing to be able to write and occasionally get some feedback from my diary;)

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:30am
574: MissStix says:

Love and thoughts to all those effected by the storm. G’s family in Toronto are all ok and not greatly impacted. I feel relief to know this.

Now I have to think of something I want cause his mom insists on getting me a christmas gift. Again he said “Seriously, you must be special! She’s never bought a gift for my gf.” I feel honoured, and yet at a loss. Not good at thinking of stuff I want…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:30am
575: Heart says:

Hi Sirens – 2years ago I met this guy on a vacation. It was innocent but he didnt hide the fact that he was into me…I met him while sightseeing and told him half the name of the hotel I was staying at…He ended up finding the hotel and coming to find me…We just relaxed and had a drink and talked….nothing more….
I was a little weirded out but flattered…I had to leave the next day.

Anyway now he has changed his profile pic to one I took of him that day at the place we met.
Would liking the pic be leaning forward?
I think it most cases yes but in this case?

I fee alittle silly asking but I would like to know…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:45am
576: Heart says:

ps he left the vacation spot too…and is in his home country.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:47am
577: Iamabutterfly says:

@518 FlowerChild77 – aw, no you are right, it is I am a butterfly. I was just being silly and weird, because a lot of people on here have thought it was a mispelling of Llama. I even thought of changing my name on here to something with Llama in it, just for giggles.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:48am
578: Heart says:

Llama!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:55am
579: MissStix says:

Iama

hehe I have also noticed people calling you Llama

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:55am
580: MissStix says:

Heart

Since you took the pic I would say go for it.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:56am
581: Iamabutterfly says:

I ran into my guy friend who likes me again last night. I felt more comfortable this time. but I was still a little awkward. he’s really nice to me, and it makes me feel guilty…

a girl friend of mine wanted to accompany me last night. I felt annoyed, but I let her accompany me. (it was a group thing. My life is a group thing…or an alone thing…)

I have a really hard time emotionally connecting to her. I always feel emotionally disconnected from her. She has OCD. (I do too.) but she takes medication for hers, and I do not.

I don’t believe in man-made medication. Something about it feels artificial and 3vil to me. I like alternative and spritual methods…like excercise, prayer, and meditation.

I’ve had some out of body experiences lately too. Thoughts like, “This isn’t really me. What am I doing here?” when with certain people.

It feels scary when I feel like I’m getting new insights about people and how they work…

For a while there I was having panic attacks because of how messed up I am, and how messed up everyone else is too…

Last night, I got home a little after ten. and something snapped. I felt rage like I hadn’t felt it in a long time. I screamed and cried and had the urge to c0t myself, which I’ve never had before.

It felt really scary. Then, I felt embarassed because I was screaming and crying when I heard my roommate walk in. She didn’t say anything. I didn’t say anything.

I feel so angry, because I just want my mom.

I feel angry because that’s what she always wanted.

to have me needy and dependent on her.

she never wanted me to be independent or to fall in love and have a family.

the things she used to tell me keep playing like a broken record in my head. “what if you never marry, have you thought of that?” “men don’t like it when you…(fill in the blank on some way I was looking/acting/being) Constantly. CONSTANTLY.

She only encouraged relationships with guys she knew for a fact that I was interested in.

She tried to sabatoge EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP with guys she knew I was interested in. and I was insecure and they were stupid boys, so it worked.

But I haven’t lived at home for seven years now. I can’t keep blaming her.

I just feel so angry.
and weepy.

I feel like I’m back-tracking MAJORLY.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:07am
582: Iamabutterfly says:

((((Heart))))) (((((Miss Stix)))) – Thanks for being silly with me. I feel like I really need it right now…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:09am
583: Iamabutterfly says:

I guess I need to use feeling messages with my guy friend. I feel scared to do that.

I don’t even know what to say…

“it’s been forever!”
“…”

I feel lopsided and socially awkward?
I feel unsure of what to do with myself at the moment, but I want to be here for our friend who is performing?

I feel guilty seeing you?
I feel obligated to you?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:14am
584: Heart says:

thanx 4 the input Miss Stix…i figured the same & liked it a little whole ago. I choose to think of it as receiving…maybe…

Awwr Iama…im glad.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:17am
585: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel guilty because he has done so much for me, and been so nice to me, and it’s never been enough for me, and he can sense that. and it makes me feel bad for him.

I feel guilty that he’s given so much to me and done so much for me and that I can’t give my appreciation and feminine self back to him…

I had a nightmare once, a long time ago, that me and him were married.

except I wasn’t living with him (my choice.)

like, in the dream, I had forgotten that I had married him? or wanted to forget that I had married him?

and I was living at home with my parents (wouldn’t have been so crazy as I was only 20 at the time,) and my mom looked at me and said,

“You need to go back home to your husband. It’s not right for you to be living like a single woman. I’m sure he misses you.”
“I don’t want to!” I screamed.
“But, remember? You were soooooooo in love with him, and your dadddy and I tried to stop you from marrying him, but you were so stubborn and now you have to live with the choice you have made.”

and I felt such deep regret.
It was an awful dream…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:23am
586: Heart says:

Llama -I would encourage u to wait until ur around him to see how u feel? Then express ur feelings…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:25am
587: Iamabutterfly says:

also, I kind of have a crush on his roommate. which makes me feel guilty. but, (fear of intimacy?) I can’t see myself with his roommate because our views on certain things are very different. he’s to the left and I’m to the right.

maybe trivial, or out of fear, but seriously.

that can create huge problems down the road…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:26am
588: Iamabutterfly says:

actually now that I think of it, one of my main reasons for not wanting to be with him are that HIS views differ quite largely from mine, and I have never felt an over-whelming amount of respect for him, which I feel like is important.

I feel really judgmental right now…

like I’m picking every guy apart….

just like I pick myself apart…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:32am
589: Iamabutterfly says:

his roommate is older than me, though.
and he’s really touchy-feely and gentle and knowledgeable about life because of his slightly older age. and I love that…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:33am
590: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel more comfortable and confident with his roommate.

now I feel like a jerk for thinking that…

it would feel awful if I liked a guy and he liked my roommate more.

but you know what?

that’s reality…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:35am
591: Iamabutterfly says:

and I feel embarassed but I miss Jack CD.

saw him a few nights ago…

he was wearing a shirt that he looked really good in…

he really seemed to be paying close attention to me…

someone asked a question for a raise of hands about life change, and I raised mine as in, i was going to have to make an important decision soon (living situation)

and he seemed completely fascinated by that or something?

it was weird.

but I had to leave early due to a minor emergency…didn’t get to say goodbye.

Thanks for letting me spam, y’all.

not that you have any control over it, but if you take the time to read all my junk, just know that I really appreciate it…even if I don’t “understand” what I’m writing about…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:54am
592: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel confused and sleepy and cold.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:56am
593: MissStix says:

I have started to notice some new “stuff” with G. I am permitting myself to focus on him for this post.

His saying (more than once now) “You didn’t kiss me yet!” after being apart. And then “Why do I have to be the giver?”. (keep in mind this appears to be said in jest. Very light hearted. However, even in jest, he wouldn’t be saying it if it wasn’t something he noticed and was bothered by).

And last night he was trying dam hard to get me to cook his eggs and hashbrowns for work tomorrow. In his roundabout way…(I was already heating takeout dinner he got for us) “Oh good, the oven’s on. I need hashbrowns in there for work tomorrow!” sidestepped this with “Cool! Go ahead and toss ‘em in when i’m done.”. :p

It’s like he’s rebelling against being the doer and giver…Just now, after all this time lol

Or maybe he is “pushing” and “testing” the boundaries….

I dunno. I have been very good at sidestepping, but I feel I need to be very on top of myself right now or my focus could very easily turn to catering to him. I do feel guilty and a bit selfish. I love you guilty feeling girl. I love you selfish feeling girl.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 8:03am
594: MissStix says:

((((Iama))))

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 8:04am
595: BAB says:

MissStix – I so admire your ability to stay on point and focus on you not him. I WANT this! You are inspirational to me.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 8:30am
596: Femininewoman says:

Hi Miss Stix I have to admit that I am here wondering if doing the hash browns would not have been “giving back”. I am thinking that because he brought dinner.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 8:32am
597: Starla says:

Sassy,
No, WarriorCD has not tried to contact me.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 8:32am
598: Femininewoman says:

Starla how long has it been? I am wondering if you see any similarities between him and CF?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 8:38am
599: karen says:

total rubbish,spent alot of time and energy chasing a guy i had a crush on and got me nowhere so giving up is the way for me

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 8:45am
600: Starla says:

no similarities. if i tried to talk to warrior, he would at least have the decency to say he doesn’t want to talk, if that’s the case. he would never leave me hanging.

it’s been 2 or 3 weeks or so.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 8:51am
601: BAB says:

I am everything that I wanna be, iam confidence in insecurity.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 9:06am
602: Sassy says:

Starla,

How are you feeling these days about both of them?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 9:11am
603: Starla says:

fw, did you get a hold of your family?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 9:11am
604: Starla says:

sassy,
meh.
i miss cf a whole lot. i think a lot about trying to contact him and seeing if we can’t mend things.

but i’m really distracted by my family issues right now and i won’t be doing that any time soon.

every so often i remember what a punk he was about breaking up with me, and i feel a little better

as far as warriorcd, he’s all over his fb page ‘liking’ pages like “sexy girls,” and “gym hotties,” and all that. and taking pics at parties with pretty young girls… it rubs me the wrong way, but hey, i broke up with him, so….

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 9:15am
605: Femininewoman says:

Still no direct word yet Starla because some of the cell phone service is still bad and we have not tried to drive over there. We have heard from a friend who lives close by that the first floor and basement of the house was flooded.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 9:38am
606: MissStix says:

BAB- wow thank you Beautiful compliment. I feel smiley.

FW- hmmm interesting take. I didn’t think about that…All I know is I felt busy already (heating the food and getting plates/drinks ready) and didn’t want to do the hashbrowns so I just said what came out of my mouth lol Didn’t really “think” about it until later.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 9:39am
607: MissStix says:

And…I guess when I think about it now I do feel a resistance to giving back when I am being “asked”. Although he didn’t technically ask. I get the impression he wants me to just offer without having to ask outright. On occasion he will ask like this “How do you feel about____?”. Which I much prefer because it’s easy to answer in FMs.

It’s kind of like the kiss thing. He quite clearly wants me to be initiating kisses more often when we greet each other (the only time I have been not initiating consciously), but he won’t outright say it. He’ll tease me about it in a fun way, which is cool. But I do feel like I have to get in his head a bit with this stuff. Meh…I guess I don’t *have* to. But it does trigger getting in his head.

I don’t really want to change what I do or the way I do it…I have personal reasons for all my actions or inactions. I am starting to feel a bit of a pull when i’m leaning back. A little resistance on his part. Like he’s resisting coming towards me and is attempting to pull me towards him.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 9:52am
608: MissStix says:

Hrrrmmmmm

Now I wonder if it has something to do with the past couple weeks staying at my parents’ place. I have been simply existing here and fully letting go and allowing him to come when he wants (the first week he only came here a few times but he stayed the whole weekend and he’s come and gone direct from work every day now for this week), and not giving him rides.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 9:57am
609: Starla says:

fw, are they missing then? there’s a google doc spreadsheet that some kind LB’ers have been using to search for and report on missing people. You can go there and put in their name and address and people will try to check on/find them.

if you are having problems accessing the doc, let’s figure out a way to message privately and i will do it for you.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Ate0GzHCtEYodDVEdlA2ZzNLMFJXcGdMUzJxcW83QkE#gid=0

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:07am
610: Daria says:

I got that 30 second pussy

Lol

I feel embarassed

To say stiff like that

Also thrilled

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:11am
611: BAB says:

I have been responding to my mans texts which are rather blan right off the bat, and he will not send anything back for one time if at all. I feel I need to stop responding and start totally and compleatly not think about him during the day? Hum idk. It’s such a huge trigger for me.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:11am
612: Daria says:

Ooh timely

I feel incensed when I feel pulled on

I don’t want to rip him to shreds

Also he asked for more feedback

I can give more

Direct in feeling messages

I want him to focus more on arousing my body

(Otherwise I won’t be having sex w him long – ooh ultimatum? In ma head? )

I feel resentful that I only got head for a short period of time

I feel guilty that I feel that way when I did get an orgasm

I like way more head and focus on worshipping me

Like damn near Everyman I’ve tried with, he gets all less attentive when he gets very aroused and wants to stick it in

I feel guilty to say no I imagine puting sulking energy from him

I feel stuck/sad

This is great! What awesome practice!

((((((Daria))))))

Wow this is why I’m doing it, to work out my communication and unworthiness issues

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:20am
613: Daria says:

BAB – I feel triggered reading about you planning on not responding

Hmm I feel curious about this

I actually don’t respond to a lot of men’s texts if it drops my interest

But when I first read the post, I felt clutch in my tummy and a little sad

I felt excited to talk about responding in feeling messages, in a diff tone from his bland post. Using emoticons like and . In every text

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:24am
614: Daria says:

Wow totally triggered by ‘why do I have to be the giver’ mentions

Feeling anger and fear

The feminine not ‘got’ appreciated or worshipped

I drop men who say that from my rotation

‘they don’t get it’ is my judgement

Where do I resent being the receiver?

Where do I not see the worthiness, importance, and healing role of receiving?

Aha now were getting somewhere

I love my judgement that receiving is a ‘better role

I love my judgement that the receiver ‘who does nothing’ is taking advantage of the ‘giver’

I love my judgements about ‘fairness’

I love my ‘I don’t get it ness’

I love my inability to see what the giver gets out of giving

I love MY FEAR that I’m not good enough just receiving, that my man will withdraw and pout… Happened a bit the first time, ohhhh the. I’ll feel lonely and awful and angry and I can’t handle that

Wow this is so relevant

Can I do this? I feel numb and terrified

Babysteps

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:33am
615: BAB says:

Daria

That raises some thoughts in me, I feel I have to respond because I don’t want to hurt his feelings are make him think I’m not interested.. Humm feels like that’s too much about him.
I really feel good inside about only responding if I feel like it, and breaking a habit of mine in the process..
I like that! I’m going to practice that! Thank you!
And I have been using feeling messages even tho I’m still unsure I use them correctly sometime lol so I use a lot of smiles and windy faces thanks for pointing this out to me.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:41am
616: Daria says:

I really appreciate this CD cuz hes always well dressed.

I guess to me that makes a guy ‘fly’

I guess I secretly want to be that, but have some healing

Cuz I think it takes too much effort, and I feel so comfy in my uncool house clothes

Hmmm

Yeah so then I feel that pull and desire for men who do cuz I actually want that in myself

That’s Not healthy pull actually well it might be healthy but it’s not like liking a man for what he does for me and cuz I feel good and worshipped

Hmm

Is this something I require?

These kinds of attractions had me chasing men. Wanting them no matter how they behaved

I want get right cuz his posture

No name cuz his dressing

I first got crushes as a lil girl cuz they had blond hai and I felt unworthy w brown

That’s it! They’re based on my unworthiness

I think I’m unworthy that I don’t dress fly all the time

(((( Daria )))))

We will heal this

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:42am
617: BAB says:

Why do I have to control.. I feel guilty and upset. I feel silly and in genuine saying I love my control issues..

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:43am
618: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Starla. We are choosing to have faith and believe that we will hear something by the weekend. We have so many cell phone issues that we believe that is why we have not heard anything yet.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:45am
619: Daria says:

Where do I not see the gift I’m offering by being the receiver

I feel unseen when men complain

I feel defensive want to justify

I work really hard to keep myself vulnerable and open

I feel unappreciated

And to respect and appreciate

Eh I feel do angry when a man complains like that

He complains about taking care of ME!

About worshipping the goddess

I don’t like being worshipped that way

I feel helpless and panicked and my self esteem goes down

I don’t Feel Good About Myself in His Presence when that happens

I feel rageful

Don’t you get it!

You Get to take care of me

It’s a precious gift!

You Get to be respected as the masculine

Wtf

Are you saying my appreciation is not enough

Are you saying I’m not enough?

You want to be the receiver? Are you a lil boy?

I don’t get it

Eff that

I’ll let another man take care of me who’s more skilled at seeing just what a huge gift and blessing it is to be allowed to worship the feminine

I feel sad

I feel guilty

What’s under those blamy thoughts?

Feeling fear

Feeling sadness

Feeling unworthiness

Hopelessness to ever be seen and fully appreciated

It’s like mom saying to baby, why do I have to be the mon

And baby feels guilty, sad, unloved for being a baby

Ouch! Abuse!

Not good enough being myself

Spasm

I don’t want to judge him for whatever he feels

So to do that I stay w me, which is I feel terribly awful hearing that

I feel disturbed, it feels horrible

I feel untreasured

I feel angry and numb and frightened and distant and shut down

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:54am
620: BAB says:

I feel such an immense need to controls the out come the moment the future, how things are done and how I respond to them r feel about them.
I’m not enjoying the moment like I coudl, I feel confused as to how to change.. I am overwhelmed with the hugeness of this.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:56am
621: Daria says:

Bab – what helps me is framing it as:

I’m Choosing right now to love my control issues, which obv I haven’t been loving

And I demonstrate that present moment choice by writing ‘I love my control issues’ – regardless how I feel about them

It’s a masculine energy choice to care for self w love, rather than a feminine energy expressing of how I’m actually feeling
at moment.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:58am
622: Daria says:

Where have Ibsen resentful about caring for self?

Where do I complain about having to be the giver?

Ouch ok

W money and w working out

Why do I babe to do these myself, by myself

Etc

I shouldn’t have to

I should have help

Hmmm

Interesting

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:00am
623: Daria says:

i dont want to deal w communicating thru this, i want to run away

this is too much for me to deal with

i wish i never believed ‘men have fragile egos around sex’

its fuchkin me up right now

i feel terrified

i feel uncomfortable wayyy

i am WAY committed to my sexual pleasure and worship

way way way

committed

babysteps

im doing great

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:10am
624: Daria says:

my guy is not used to opening doors

but hes doing it everytime

ok yay so i communicated thru that

i communicated thru i dont want to pay

I look like a thick lion cat in leggings and a skin tight shirt

my ankles and calves to thighs, connected to my buttocks connected to my waist and belly to my breasts

i look like something out of this world, well another word would be like something you read in a book or see in a cartoon image of the female

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:15am
625: Daria says:

i really can’t handle this

i’ve Got to run away

why do i have to have these issues

why can i never get great sex?

why does it have to be so damn hard?

i feel glad im nto chasing men for great sex

like Guywho

even Transformer Man had pretty good sex, and awesome foreplay

i feel annoyed i feel stuck

i can take it bit by bit with foreplay

and if they pout?

i can leave if they pout

perhaps i shouldve left the hotel that first night when No Name pouted, and i thought about leaving

instead i waited it out and we reconnected

but ive had that fear since

and distrust of him

like my heart kinda closed off a bit

its not all about me i thought

ok

i can shift this

but i feel terrified

im going to feel so awful to disconnect roughly with him like that

to leave or have him disconnect from me

ouch

babysteps

i can handle anything!

and actually taking care of myself feels really GOOD!

and then i will get even better men in this area = better sex!

and i LOve better sex

okie dokie

and the clothing?

ok practice loving all my clothing and seeing it all as fly

i love my fly ass old nike t shirt and my fly ass navy cotton shorts

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:20am
626: Daria says:

actually now that i said that they do seem fly

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:20am
627: Daria says:

ive got like 30 texts and calls since last nite to this morning

and im meeting my new sexual CD

im going to practice healing my belief that it/s bad/messed up/ev*il/unhealthy/judgeworthy/unattractive

to kiss a man when i just sucked dick the night/a few hours before

i don’t worry that im still gonna be orange juice mouth if i drank orange juice so im not gonna trip abotu this, the way i wisely didn’t when i was a lil girl

and i was like wow, they really have issues thinking about the men and when they were trippin about that

i used to ARGUE with them!

and then i started practicing judgment awww

i can Totally heal this

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:25am
628: BAB says:

Daria

Awha! I need a note book lol

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:25am
629: BAB says:

No tight stomach today, no fitful need to check other woman’s fbs! I kept my promise to me and I’m gonna extend it till tonight and so on and so on. I am proud of me, i feel excited!!

Feeling sad I havet worn a dress or skirt in 9 years feeling very frumpy about myself. I wanna be girlie! I love my self consciousness boyish self, I can be both, I’m going to buy some leggings and cute boots and start there. I love my legs.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:33am
630: MissStix says:

mmmhmmm

I feel irritated that something G said to me is triggering someone else…I feel invaded. I feel open to invasion. I feel good about that. I feel annoyed with myself for not putting the entire conversation to show what words he was responding to. I love my urge to write it out now. I love this urge but I won’t obey it. I felt giggly and happy and desired through the whole conversation…I did giggle…I still recieved a kiss without “giving” a kiss. I desire to recognize a mans right to speak up. hmmm I still feel fully worshiped. I love that I don’t have to give in. I feel relaxed not giving in. I feel tense thinking about giving in. I feel stubborn. I love my stubborn feeling girl. I imagine I am “seen” and “heard” as stubborn when I feel stubborn. I feel…Comfy with that. Yay! Sweet. Mmm yes, I do want to be seen and heard for what I feel even if it is generally judged as negative.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:40am
631: MissStix says:

My PMS feels odd this month. General feelings are apathy, disillusion, pessimism, burnt out. Blah life feels boring and tedious. ((((hormones))))

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:49am
632: MissStix says:

These feelings spark urges to think “that’s dumb”. To say “I don’t wanna do that it’s stupid.”. Taking pictures is stupid and boring. Having kids would be dumb. I don’t wanna. Ever. Don’t want a future it’s all boring and stupid.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:51am
633: MissStix says:

The right corner of my mouth is pulling up in a smirk and my eyes want to roll. Allowing this boring dumb stupid smirk eyeroll to happen.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:53am
634: MissStix says:

I envision myself as an emo kid on south park. k now I feel pretty giggly…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:55am
635: Femininewoman says:

Starla I just finally got through on the phone. The house is okay because they have a pump that they were constantly using. The restaurant is a mess. He says the whole east end and west end is all messed up.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:57am
636: Femininewoman says:

Emoticon you have not commented in a while but I hope you are safe after the storm.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:00pm
637: MissStix says:

Been sinking into this tedium feeling for two days. Gah. Boring. Been speaking it out loud. Boring. And I heard “you’re a real joy to be around” and sarcasm is not a trigger for me so I responded “I know, i’m pretty awesome even when I feel like this.” and I got bit. Boring. No giggle. Poked. No giggle. Bum pinched…I couldn’t help it. I sqealed and giggled. Then he rubbed my giggles in my face and I tried really hard not to feel giggly. But I couldn’t. How annoying.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:03pm
638: Daria says:

wow its a challenge to not start analyzing and evaluating and judging myself around sexual behavior right now

and it feels so trhilling that im aware and im actually NOT choosing to do this!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:06pm
639: Starla says:

Yay fw i’m so glad

yeah the whole town is a disaster area. ((((((long beach)))))))))
((((((((((((my boardwalk))))))))))))

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:07pm
640: Starla says:

Emoticon’s okay, i see her on fb!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:08pm
641: Daria says:

ahh i feel triggered to guilt about someone feeling invaded triggered by my words

i feel defensive and like shouting ‘dont you see how hard it is for me to even say something about msyelf Already, when its triggered by what soemone else said or may trigger them?’ ugh

“why do you have to go and validate that fear”

all blamy to the universe or another person

lol i feel amused

its all good

its all good to go thru the experiences i actually feel afraid wil happen and for them to actually happen

cuz i can handle it

and heal

and stay rooted in my me-ness

and actually heal and not be afraid anymore

cuz i can love and heal them

yay

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:11pm
642: maxine says:

Rebecca..I feel your pain with your boss
I have the same thing and never used to feel I knew where I stood. What I ended up doing was using feeling messages with her bit by bit on a daily basis about whatever came up and it acctually made us communicate more, this lead to more understanding of each other and I felt like I was seeking to understand HER at first so that I could make MY own life easier and second guess her..I see now those motives were wrong but nevertheless the feeling messagesworked and we acctually started hanging out on smoking breaks here and there until we wound up ‘friends’
I feel that the more I used feeling messages the more we talked..then the more we talked the better we understood each others work ethic (which were entirely different styles) and so it slowly turned around that the conversations became a TWO WAY thing rather than me shrinking and feeling confused…understanding her better de-mystified a lot of her personality for me…also I began to once again trust my own skills
Hope it works out

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:12pm
643: Femininewoman says:

It seems the boardwalk is all gone.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:13pm
644: Daria says:

ohhh im real awesome to be around triggered a happy feeling for me!

tonite i waas practicing a new tool

i noticed some times tht i get habitually into a way of thinking or being, and i judge myself during that tiem

or well

i actually DONT tell myself im wonderful druing those times

tho i do at other times

and so i mad ean effort to say “you’re wonderful” to myself in my mind in those times, that i never did before

and it “worked” in that my body got more relaxed and my constricting consciousness started opening

ohhh i feel so glad with this tool

im wonderful right now

wow

mmm

im wonderful

dressed like this

typing like this

in this posture

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:14pm
645: Daria says:

ouch yes and i feel guilt that im not recognizing his right to speak up when i say i ‘don’t want’ to be talked to a certian way

or criticized

or whine and pouted to

and he has a right to do those things

and i feel turned off and awful when they happen and i dont want to feel that way

and i feel sad

and guilty

and im wonderful

i want to feel great and ‘connected’ and loving

ohhhhh so sad

droopy faced girl

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:17pm
646: Starla says:

fw
yeah, it’s just rubble. boardwalk-esque rubble.
I will never forget all the bike rides and cotton candy and bubble gum flavored ice cream and craft fairs.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:18pm
647: Femininewoman says:

“im real awesome to be around triggered a happy feeling for me!”

I have felt happy and giggly when I recognized feeling triggered in some situations and I now realize that at times I judged that as odd or weird to feel that way around triggers. Oh for the joy of always being able to laugh at myself.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:22pm
648: Daria says:

i cant handle feeling that sad

awwwww

i want to feel treasured and loved

awwwwwwww

i feel frowny

i want to hear him

i dont want to hear how its not fun to care for me

that feels bad

i feel guilty saying how i dont feel good being cared for in a certain way

like touched this way or not touched that way

i feel guitly for that

i feel concern its gonna trigger that feeling of not bieng good enough that *I* have when he says something like that

lots of droopy

im wonderful like this

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:23pm
649: maxine says:

WOW
I was reading an old post from Rori and what jumped out at me was
“How do you want to feel about YOURSELF in a relationship”
I decided to make a list..and it took me about 20 minutes to write ONE thing!!! I felt so annoyed with myself that I had never in my life given these things any thought..
Then 2 things jumped out at me..
1. I want to feel free
2. I want to feel safe

hmmmm HOW incongruent are these two things..and they can’t be wrong,thats what I feel!
So all this time is it ME whos been wreaking of “I don’t really know what I want”
omg what an eyeopener!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:24pm
650: MissStix says:

ohhhhhhhaaaaahhhhh woah something just hit me BAM in your face lady! I see a little martial artist fist chopping and punching and kicking the air in front of me. Making shashasha and yyyyah sounds. My eyebrow goes up. Ummm ok…Hello tiny man. Why are you doing that in front of me?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:24pm
651: Daria says:

but i cant handle being told that

i cant handle a man saying he feels resentful caring for me

i judge my own boy so harshly for when he feels resentful caring for me

i feel frowny

im wonderful like this

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:25pm
652: Femininewoman says:

Dominique what do you know about breast pain?
Will Evening Primrose Oil help?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:27pm
653: Daria says:

“:: Resistance Is Futile ::

You can’t resist something without focusing your
attention on it. And whatever you focus on becomes
a *bigger* part of your experience.

So the way to end the unwanted behavior of a child
(without resorting to violence) is to *stop trying to
end it!*

Instead, look for ways to think differently about the
behavior, until you feel your resistance softening.

You might think, “I can understand how he feels,” or
“She’s finding her way,” or “It’s not the end of the
world,” or even, “It’s *okay* for me to resist this…
but I feel better when I let it go.”

The less you resist, the more creative you can be, and
the more you can *inspire* a change rather than having
to force one.

http://dailygroove.net/resistance“

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:29pm
654: Daria says:

im wonderful feeling all tightened up in myself like this

hmmmmm

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:30pm
655: MissStix says:

Nothing is “clear” when my eyes attempt to see into another’s mind.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:31pm
656: MissStix says:

There is widom in my insanity! *highfives* me!!!!!

And I feel amused. Not bored. mmm

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:33pm
657: Mel says:

Miss Stix re: doing stuff

I sort of walk a fine line here too. I tend not to do stuff for him unless:

A) I want to… and then it’s really for ME, not him
B) He asks me AND I want to
C) I THINK I want to, or think I should… but then end up feeling out of sorts and weird and generally unbalanced.

C is happening less and less….

About the kissing…

A similar thing happens with us. I have this thing about generally not initiating. So sometimes we will be watching a show and I will just seat myself comfortably nearby and he’ll be like: Hey… you seem far away, snuggles please! And then I will melt and purr and join him. And he says… “you should just come snuggle every time, you’re always welcome.” And I say: “Mmmmmm….. but it feels so good to be invited. I feel so warm and smiley to be asked.” Sometimes it feels like a little test. To see if he needs to keep chasing. He does.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:35pm
658: Daria says:

you’re wonderful right now

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:36pm
659: Daria says:

ohhh when i get invited to come closer to a guy i just lean farther back make smily eye contact and shrug and giggle lol

then he comes to me hehe i Love that i feel so powerful in those moments, i flow when he brings me with him but i dont actually feel comfortable going to him

a few times i have felt comfortable but i forgot the context…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:38pm
660: Daria says:

ooh yes i dont want to look into his mind anymore

just me

complaining about giving to me feels ouch

paralyzing seizing floor from under me ouch

(((((Daria))))))

ouch ouch

i dont feel Good with that

i feel pained

i dont want to feel blamed

i dont want to feel like im not medicine for his soul

ohhhhhjjj

triggered pain

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:40pm
661: MissStix says:

And now I feel confused like…My brain can’t wrap around that notion. It is no fun to worship me? And this solidifies different feelings for different people. Oh my yes…It is so much fun to worship me! Urges to pull me and receive from me are just another way to worship me. A man can say to the goddess “You haven’t kissed me…” and godess can say “You’re meant to kiss me.” and the man can say “why do I always have to be the giver?” and she can say “because you’re a man.” and he can kiss her afterall and the whole exchange can feel teasing and flirting and goddess can giggle and feel light and fun….Until her body’s hormones cause her to feel bored and apathetic and uninterested. He can speak in sarcasm and imply she is not always amazing to be around. Yet…There he is, around her, tryina make her smile and giggle.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:43pm
662: Iamabutterfly says:

((((people affected by Sandy))))

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:44pm
663: MissStix says:

Thank you. ahhhhhh big exhale.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:44pm
664: Iamabutterfly says:

@648 maxine – I feel exactly the same way, except feeling safe would be #1 and feeling free would be #2.

Are you a Sagittarius by any chance?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:46pm
665: Mel says:

Yes, men really DO want to worship the goddess… be the giver.

And I suspect that they secretly like OTHER men to worship THEIR goddess…. funny hey!

The other day, I was looking amazing and he asked me with a huge grin how many men were checking me out… when I told him “several” he looked quite pleased. (((funny men)))

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:49pm
666: Daria says:

haha i liked when he was smacking my butt lol

i feel amused!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:54pm
667: Daria says:

yay Daria’s having sex!

3 times this year

woo hoo! hehehe

im starting to take care of my sexual needs

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 12:55pm
668: Daria says:

eh no i don’t like being teased that way

it feels too sad making no fun

i dont want to be made fun of

i feel turned off when my men complain about caring for me

i don’t feel good

and don’t feel good about Them

and now i feel this ‘upset’ energy and im wonderful like this

yeah

i feel angry

i feel insecure about this

i don’t feel good being made fun of that way

theres a wound there and i don’t want it prodded

i want to heal

but yes i get turned off at that

therefore the wound is def healed and healing

i get turned off when guys talk about being a ‘trick/or a sucker/ or a buster” for giving to me

ouch ouch

that feels weird

more like, oh no, this feels disconnecting, i feel lonely

i don’t feel close w this man

huge pout

okay i just hold my ground and it helps them heal

and i feel reesentful and angry

i don’t want to deal with this

whoa i feel VErY angry under this numb pouty shell

i don’t have access to this huge rage of ‘you’re wasting my time you weak mortal who’s not good enough for me’ blame talk

im really wonderful like this

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:02pm
669: BAB says:

Feeling annoyed with this process. Wanting to give it up I don’t have time for this..
I love my laziness, I enjoy this challenge of makeing time for my happiness.. Iam good at this, I love doing it.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:07pm
670: Daria says:

i feel guilty to process using words from this blog

if eel guilty that my processing might trigger

im wonderful this way

oh im in other peoples minds and feelings

me, i feel tightened up and blannked

this is a safe space even if i dont feel safe

ok

yay practice

“You haven’t kissed me…”

I think “You’re meant to kiss me.”

I feel: turned off, panicked, seized up, resentful, constricting, punishing, blaming, judging

i say : lean back look at him and giggle

happy that i lean back in my power and amused at the man who’s powerless to do anything but give to me

“why do I always have to be the giver?”

and i feel: turned off, judgemental, weird and fast heartbeat, resentful, freaked out, not good, off balance

and i say : smile and nothing (its not his fault repeating in my head)

ouch this feels painful a bit inside

this is like watching him flounder in his weaknesses, that also affect me

and just like my sex stuff with no name CD

i want to heal this

i dont want to explain

i want a man to ‘get it’

fully

and i dont want to be thrown off balance like that

it puts me off No Name CD, i dont’ feel a trust or connection there

and it puts me off neighbor friend CD and

it generally puts me off

not something i can tolerate in emotional intimacy

ok

i can dig that

this is not something i can tolerate

me, i feel too triggered with this

my heart feels walled off when i get triggered likethis

joking and explaining thru it hasn’t helped me

i want to heal all this

“why do i always have to open the door for you?”

ummm doesn’t feel amusing to me actually

or it Does feel amusing, cuz i feel powerful having the stuff done

but deep inside i feel my lil girl jump and hide behind the wall

ohhhhh

(((((Daria))))))

you are wonderful like this

oh it woudl feel so great to speak about this in the moment

am i asking to much from a human?

i want to think of this human as MAN

in this relationship i share all feminine, he shares all masculine

okay

im choosing to play this game like this

eeeeh

okay so is it too much to ask to have a man continue to be minutely aware of my arousal level and continue pleasing me fro hours

even when He’s feeling aroused and urges?

no. its not. and its not fair.

but in this romance thing , i play the my body is all for me, and your energy in sex is all for me game

i want that

i want to feel easy worthy with it

easily communicating

i want to require that

i want the men prequalified to know that this is what’s expected

babysteps

feels terrifiying

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:14pm
671: BAB says:

I am lonely and unthought of. I blame him for not putting in enough effort. I give everything I have and get little in return.
I am happy with my little, I love the gestures when I receive them. I am happy with out them, I am loved even if I don’t hear it. I love how this lonely feeling make me feel.
I’m bored of this ugh

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:17pm
672: FlowerChild77 says:

(((((iamabutterfly))))) I hope you’re feeling better, now. My daughter used to cut herself when she was younger (high school age) and she had an awful time with her emotions and depression. Eventually she had to take some medicine. (I just want you to know I am thinking of you.)

She now has a 5 yr old daughter; a great job; is in a healthy relationship with a man a few years older than she (he’s 32 and she is 24) and is very happy—with no medication. I don’t want to take it, either–so I fully understand wanting to take care of your feelings in other ways. I am doing the same.

Daria…I wonder why it is that you expect the sex to be “great” the first time or with men you don’t know intimately. This is NOT a judgement—it is me sharing with you (because I am older and know this from experience) that the “best” sex is with someone you’ve known for a long time–where you know each other inside out—know what each other likes, know how each others’ bodies respond to different kinds of touch and movement.

I’m not saying there can’t be a one-nighter with fireworks and orgasms—but it’s nothing like what you can have when both of you ‘work’/love together (because you know each other SO well) like a finely tuned machine (for lack of a better way to describe it–I don’t mean it is ‘mechanical’ in any way.) Sigh…I sure do miss that…

#556/I’m hoping there was a toothbrush involved in the situation concerning kissing another person after oral sex (It’s different, for me, at least, when it’s just you two.)

I have an aunt who lives on Long Island in a suburb called Floral Park. No answer. I’m sure they had to evacuate, so I’m hoping to get a hold of her soon.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:26pm
673: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens,

Just checking in. Has anyone heard from Radlove?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:30pm
674: Femininewoman says:

Floral Park is a bit closer to Queens if my memory serves me correctly. Power is out in many places here and cell phone service seems intermittent especially Sprint.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:30pm
675: Sassy says:

Seeing the destruction just breaks my heart. I was born in Baltimore, lived in Long Island, spent a lot of summers at both boardwalks, lived in Pa and spent a lot of time in the home office of the large company I worked for, in NY city.
Still have family, friends all throughout the east coast.
Prayers for all affected and the responders.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:33pm
676: Daria says:

YAY my CD is NOT flaking!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:33pm
677: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Sassy and all who sent hugs and well wishes.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:37pm
678: Daria says:

FlowerChild –

“Daria…I wonder why it is that you expect the sex to be “great” the first time or with men you don’t know intimately. ”

whoa i do feel defensive. i do feel judged, or more like ‘lost and unseen’ in a projection of someone else’s thoughts and experience

i also feel a bit patronized

i feel a little unsure about the question… do you really want me to answer it?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:38pm
679: Daria says:

i feel raised eyebrows and ready to punch someone at the ‘hope for the toothbrush’ mention

i don’t want anyone in my business like that

Translate: i feel judged and extremely defensive

what if there was no toothbrushing? – and ive actually been in that situation before –

what does that ‘mean’ ?

i’m practicing healing and not judging myself about it

ok i appreciate the triggers from the outside to practice healing with

thank you

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:43pm
680: Turquoise says:

Daria,

I feel the same way…. the best sex I’ve had has been with repeat partners. Feeling emotionally connected to someone improves the physical aspect of it for me. But, just like most things… I enjoy them more with someone I’m close to. I’m more comfortable and it’s more fun to go out with friends I really like than ones I don’t know well.

I once slept with a man JUST because I thought it would be physically amazing. He’d modeled, had a great body, not a bad face… was super sexy and totally a player type guy. I didn’t care one bit about him other than in a very casual, friendly type way. BUT, I wanted really good sex, felt I deserved it and from fooling around with him, I knew he was well endowed. He was a good kisser…. but the sex was awful. Not in the no stamina kind of way either… but his technique was all over the place, it didn’t feel connected at all…. I actually told him to stop because I just felt poked by his giant you know what. I was SOOOO disappointed and mad at myself.

Another guy I liked, felt emotionally drawn too…. with super sexy blue eyes and a sadness about him that was from being bi-polar…. got to know him slowly, and while it was still casual, no one falling in love… we dated for 4 months and the sex got to be amazing. I really enjoyed him. But the first time was just ok. He actually got a leg cramp and we ended up laughing a lot. I can almost always have an orgasm. That isn’t the major goal for me anymore, it’s the connection and the chemistry and the energy flow, and trying new things…. that feels really good to me now.
The third time Mr. C. and I were together, all spaced out and after getting to know each other for months…. he couldn’t stop gushing about how amazing it was, and how last time was good… don’t get him wrong, but this time was amazing and he just gushed and gushed. He’s so expressive, it’s cute. I felt it too… and it’s pretty exciting to think it could just keep getting better and better.

No judgement here either…. just sharing some thoughts with you.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:45pm
681: Turquoise says:

I’d be hoping someone would be considerate enough to be clean and fresh for me no matter what. That feels respectful to me to think a man takes the time to shower and brush his teeth and to shave, before spending time with me. I feel I definitely deserve that respect. I also reciprocate that. I feel best about me when I’m clean and fresh and want to present my best self on a date.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:49pm
682: Iamabutterfly says:

@671 FlowerChild77 – thank you soooooo much for your thoughts! I feel so cared for and comforted. Thank you for sharing the story of your daughter with me.

I am feeling much better, thank you.

I feel a little frustrated at my extreme highs and lows. I’m hoping to achieve emotional balance, eventually. I’ve had it before, I pray to have it again.

One thing I realized is that I had A LOT of caffeine last night. Two cups. Way more than usual.

Caffeine is a huge anxiety trigger for me, and I wasn’t being careful or mindful of my consumption like I should have been.

I still think the things that “come out” when I have caffeine are real issues that I need to deal with. Kind of like how issues “come out” around that time of the month…

My rage and panic felt so scary last night, but it feels great to be feeling better.

I can’t tell you how much your concern and sharing means to me.

((((((FlowerChild77))))))

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:50pm
683: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel embarassed that I have seem to have “high school” type problems.

I feel as though I’m maturing very slowly, and I always seem to feel attraction towards younger men…

It’s okay!

I love myself and my “high school” problems!

I have a young, tender heart.
You’re going to be okay! You’re going to be great!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:52pm
684: MissStix says:

I feel “I don’t care” sexcy and amused to run my errands in big man sweat pants and a little girly purple hoodie. So that’s what i’m gonna do.

Daria is always welcome to use my words as trigger. I appreciate her greatly.

My brain says she would do well with a “highly amused” man. Because the way a man releases his words males ALL the difference. But this IS a judgement. Therefore not for me to say.

I feel a headache. My shower was too hot but ahhhh my skin feels bouncy and soft.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:53pm
685: Turquoise says:

Mr. C. told me that his ex has/had depression and anxiety, and she didn’t take very good care of herself. In his words, she is very lazy. He said he once suggested she even do basic care like washing her face and brushing her teeth before bed, so maybe he’d feel like rolling over and kissing her goodnight. She started to do that and told him after awhile how much better she felt.

From all I know, men want to feel respected. And to them, us taking care of ourselves somehow comes out as respect to them, and by not doing it… a lack of respect.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:57pm
686: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise I feel appreciative of your comments in 680. That feels like worship to me.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:59pm
687: Daria says:

i feel unseen that im quite old enough/adult/experienced myself and have had experiences of being in exclusive sexual relationships of years duration

starting when i was 16 years old i was in a 2 year sexual and emotionally exclusive relationship (and this was not the only one, i’ve had others at later times)

and in my experience while it can get better, it can also Not get better and even get worse

and i feel unseen and defensive and judged for having it assumed that it was… this was Not my first time having a sexual experience with this particular CD

for me, i can have Wonderful sex the first time with someone, and i do require intimate awareness of my body at all times, even at the beginning

there’s an awareness of energy that many men and women with skill and practice can notice and attune and nurture/play with/ use for sexual arousal

many men are very skilled and can turn a woman, and most women on right away, because this energy “Tells” a story , in heat or tingles etc

of how it wants to be touched etc

so im practicing being more communicative sexually, and

whithout that communication or requiring full attention on me and my pleasure through boundaries, i haven’t really had improvements over the first time sex

in fact i’ve had declines over the years

i am taking responsibility of my sex pleasure no matter what anyone thinks about lovers, time, exclusivity, toothbrushes and hygene, sharing my body, sexual fluids

or any of that

i feel defiant!

i love me

thank you for the trigger and the opportunity to vote for me

sorry about the implied blame and the defensiveness and the shutting out

i know this is NOT your fault

im feeling very triggered

baby steps

thank you for the opportunity to practice just what i’ve been wanting to practice

ohhhh

i feel a bit frighteened

im going to keep on attracting these judgements from people and its

TOTALLY OK

sexual innocence

i can do this!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:59pm
688: Turquoise says:

MissStix, I think I recently read that you are what… 31? I was reading you as much older! I don’t know why, but sometimes you sound quite sophisticated. It’s curious to me to find out more details about each other to see if what I imagine, is in fact, true. I’m wearing purple today too.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 1:59pm
689: MissStix says:

Ick. Hygene is highly important to me. Although I do like my man’s beard right now. It is what I call an “on purpose” beard (trimmed etc) so it’s very sexcy.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:00pm
690: Daria says:

I haven’t actually considered someone’s personal hygene as considerate of ME

i’m used to seeing it as something that is about Them

but i notice many women take this view of their men, and maybe its something i can use a piece of to have better boundaries and requirements of what i tolerate around ME

anyways, i feel very defensive about the toothbrushing thing

I AM GOING TO HEAL THIS NO MATTER WHAT ALL THESE PEOPLE THINK ABOUT IT

EVEN IF THEY ALL ADOPTED THAT BELIEF THAT CUM STAYS IN YOUR MOUTH OR WHATEVER

I DO NOT HAVE TO

I HAVE MY LITTLE GLIMMER OF REMEMBERING NOT BLEIEVING THAT AND IT SEEMING SILLY

AND I CAN HEAL AND GET BACK INTO THAT MINDSET AND EVEN MORE! ACCEPTING

YES YES YES!!

woooooooo

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:02pm
691: FlowerChild77 says:

Ok….I should have known better. ((((Daria))))
I honestly did NOT mean the question as a judgement. I was sharing something I have LEARNED in my own life. Of course you do not have to answer it.

I was thinking that me actually spending over a decade in a relationship where we had mind-blowing sex gave me something to share, as this is what you are looking for (the great sex.) I seriously meant no disrespect.

Turquoise described perfectly how I felt about the oral sex comment/question.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:02pm
692: Daria says:

thanks Defender

((((Defender of Daria)))))

im wonderful like this

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:03pm
693: MissStix says:

Turquoise

29

Thank you. I like sophisticated! yum

Purple is my favourite colour…

Hmmm now I feel an urge to talk about myself lol but I don’t know what to say.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:05pm
694: Dominique says:

maxine – 648 – I don’t think these are incongruent at all. I think it’s a fabulous list. Who says your list has to have 100 things on it. Two are just fine, amazing even.

xxoo

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:05pm
695: Daria says:

sometimes i don’t shower for months

sometimes i dont’ brush my teeth for months

sometimes a man kisses me right after i sucked someone’s dick haha ok once and i can’t stop him lol cuzi i feel embarassed to say why AND

we both continue living! healthy and joyfully

lol

and i don’t want allow stuff that’s hygene icky to get too close to where i feel sick

and i do sometimes allowy myself in that environement just cuz i dont want to judge people how they keep house and i forgive myself for that

and amybe i can babystep on that somehoew

and acutally i love that about me that i dont judge

aww

((((Daria))))

and i also love my unshakeable bealief that i am goddess clean at all times

(because i AM and its undeniable) and its probably undenibalbe cuz i have that belief

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:06pm
696: Femininewoman says:

I love the prickly feeling of beards. It awakens and arouses the feeling of excitement and fun inside of me. It feels ticklish. I love it when a man smells good/fresh showered and maculine cologney. That turns me on full blast.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:07pm
697: MissStix says:

hmmm purples are my fave for sure, but coral/orangey pinks look best against my skin/hair so I picked those as my fave clothing colours.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:08pm
698: MissStix says:

FW

Ahhh me too

mmm thank you men who smell delectable!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:11pm
699: Dominique says:

Femininewoman – 651 – It depends. Do you still have a period? It could be hormonal fluctuations which will do so wildly at this time of life, and this could happen whether you are still bleeding or not.

Evening Primrose Oil I usually recommend to the under 40 though it can’t hurt to try. Violet infusion is specifically for the breasts for whatever ails them. If you need instructions for making infusion, let me know.

Massaging them daily with any good quality oil, even olive oil is good though I would prefer if it was infused with violet petals, not easy to get at this time of year. Plain oil is fine too. If you are prone to lumps or tumors run in your family, massage with outward circles only, going up your center line (sternum), over and down the sides. 36-300 circles.

xxoo

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:11pm
700: Daria says:

FlowerChild – thank you

This is not your fault and i appreciate the apology.

I do feel a little dissapointed pist that the question was more about me ‘Not having to answer it’ rather than curiosity about my answering. That was my fear that the question was just rhetorical intro to telling me something, rather than a curiosity of wanting to know about me and how I feel – and this is a huge trigger for me w my mom and is not your fault as well.

I’m aware my tone is actually indicating ‘it’s your failt’ and I’m sorry about that. In actually feeling really triggered and lie crying and pist.

And it really is not your fault, it’s stiff I’ve got goin on in my life that I’m trying to heal, and it’s great that it’s coming up in blog where it’s safe for me to practice expressing myself.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:13pm
701: Daria says:

I feel really defensive of multiple people ‘sharing their thoughts’ with me about how their sex is better after time in an exclusive relationship

I feel annoyed I get the impression I’m bring judged as:

‘never had anything but first time sex in her life and has it all the time + dingy and slutty and unhygienic gasp those kinda girls that we judge + she just needs a little help from me’

No, sorry wrong bitc*h. I DO actually have high self esteem.

Aha I feel triggered cuz I used to patronize girls I thought were ‘slutty’ this way and they would listen to me cuz theyactuakky had low self esteem judging themselves.

But not me . Not D O. I beat u down w a two by 4 lol that’s a song that feels fun.

Yeah but not me. I don’t want to tolerate ‘helpful well intended’ patronizing .

I got this

I’m plenty clean and hygienic I smell nice even with no showers for months.

Men compliment me on how clean an glorious I am I’m a glowing goddess

And I feel bummed I look down on other women from a superior place on this.

And that’s ok, I appreciate me sharing that.

Cuz that means I judge myself

And I want to heal that.

And I feel unseen and my heart is all huddling up and hiding

These women are all projecting their insecurities on you.

Shake that shit off. And keep your heart open without judging.

You’re doing great.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:24pm
702: Daria says:

I’m not considerate enough to brush my teeth after sucking a guys dick sometimes so guess what!

Haha I still rock do hat and their mouths are open that she doesn’t give a fuchk but still loves herself and is extremely attractive ha

But she should be judged and said ‘ick’ to!

She doesn’t deserve!

Aww cool stuff!!!! To discover

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:27pm
703: maxine says:

Lamabutterfly..I am aquarius, my beautiful sister studies astronomy and apparently I have lots of sagittarius and Libra traits..weirdly those signs make up most of my friends and ex’s!
Thanks for sharing that you feel the same..it feels reassuring to me
I feel curious to know what makes ‘Safe’ your number one
You see what got my head in a spin was when I wrote free and then safe, I felt like..how can I have both? free is just free and it left me to wonder then how can you find ‘safe’?
And how can anyone I am in a relationship with know which is which for me..I wonder..did I make him confused by attempting to have it both ways in my life?

So I decided to make myself clear on this and added to my list tonight..it now reads;
1. To feel free to be myself and love myself
2. To feel safe in myself and my own boundaries

There..I feel really proud of myself for that…I feel now that the next relationships that show up I can take these clear messages with me..and hopefully HE will get it

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:28pm
704: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Dominique. I always feel confused about the directions around massages. Would love to know about the violet infusions. Pain started with a new bra.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:32pm
705: Femininewoman says:

RE 698 I do believe it could also be hormonal fluctuations.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:33pm
706: Femininewoman says:

Delectable hhhmmm yummy.

I feel that way too when I shower with VS Seduction and and feel all warm wrapped up and cuddly under a comforter. hhhmmm delectable, delightful smells. aaahhhh I feel all melty and Goddessy

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 2:38pm
707: Dominique says:

Femininewoman – Hormones can cause some breast tissue swelling, and if your new bra happens to be pressing on an area just so, yes, ow. I have had this happen to me. It doesn’t seem cause for feeling concerned, but if it continues for more than a week or two, then maybe see someone.

You will need fresh violets and/or pansies with which you will fill a jar of whatever size you wish. It needs to be full but not too firmly packed. Carefully pour in the oil of choice (I use olive oil), poking at the flowers and leaves with a chop stick or any narrow tool. The handle of a wooden spoon would work too. You want to get out as many air bubbles as possible.

Fill it really full. Cover tightly, and place on dish (it will leak some while it infuses) and place in a dark cupboard for at least six weeks. Strain, squeezing the flowers and leaves well to extract as much oil and flower goodness as possible. And enjoy.

xxoo

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 3:10pm
708: MissStix says:

Omg omg I feel SO excited!!!! The government owes me over $3000 and I finally received my tax assessment which means I will have it soon! Wooooooooooooo vegas and toronto are finally officially funded

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 3:24pm
709: MissStix says:

Ahh…I feel confused again. I thought we were referring to male hygene. and ummmm yeah ick because men do not smell good to me if they don’t shower.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 3:28pm
710: MissStix says:

meh…Maybe someone else directed an “ick” at someone else. *I* was directing my ick at bad man smells that ghag me. Not even talking normal BO…Which just can happen no matter how often a man showers. But those nastier smells that come up when he doesn’t.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 3:31pm
711: FlowerChild77 says:

Daria…the reason I said I didn’t expect an answer is because you said, ‘Do you really want me to answer it?” (#677)

I didn’t mean to upset you <3

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 3:38pm
712: FlowerChild77 says:

I admit I am very picky about hygiene—mine AND his.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 3:49pm
713: Annie says:

Yuck, I hate bad smells.
I feel turned off and icky at bad smells.
I actually have gagged at bad smells.
Gone of milk, moldy bread and other gone of foods.
Body odor, bad breath.
I love my turned off feelings.
Thank you turned off feelings for protecting me from getting ill and moving away from gone off smells.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 3:52pm
714: MissStix says:

ohhhh this tax credit also means my MSP debt is payed. Which means when I get the paperwork in and it is processed I will get all that back as well! Another $3300. Oh hellz yeah!!!!!!!! Sh1t’s going my way. This brightened my mood immensely.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 4:03pm
715: FlowerChild77 says:

Yay, MissStix!!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 4:51pm
716: Annie says:

Yay again Missstix.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 5:29pm
717: Annie says:

I feel curious why has Mr Harry Houdini turned up again in my life?
He is physically attractive.
He is attracted to me physically as goes on about my looks a lot.
He is chatty and interesting which feels good.
He treated me well apart from disappearing off the planet, which I wasn’t really that bothered about.
I just do not get the tingles when we chat. Or feel any romantic feelings toward.
Something feels off.
What feels off?
I have gut instinct that something isn’t right about how he makes his money.
I feel unable to shake this off.
I want to be with a man that when I talk to him I feel tingly all over head to toe every cell in my body alive with electricity.
I have only ever experienced that with one man before.
I want that again, it felt amazing, out of this world, incredible.

What is the blooooody message from mr houdini, not quite right for me guy?

grrr I feel frustrated, impatient, I want to know what the message and lesson is.

Ok I feel the need to slow down, relax, chill, enjoy and see.

And breath.

The o

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:29pm
718: Vi says:

I don’t feel triggered reading about a man grumbling about being ‘a giver’ , I am feeling triggered by my memories that I personally received those words from MH – and they were said not in jest even, but absolutely seriously. Then I noticed MH grumbles (and I read it as he doesn’t want to be a giver) when I myself believe I am not worth receiving and that I am not good enough. I mean when I start to truck my feelings and behavior I come to a conclusion that prior to his grumble I have already felt unworthy… And I kinda expected him to prove me the opposite… that I am worth it despite of my feelings.. and he “failed”… so my feeling unworthy shapes into his ‘clueless-ness’… and I channel my feeling bad about myself into fight with him and feeling pisst with him….

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:36pm
719: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

673 – Thanks for thinking of me! I gave one update on this thread. And just now, I discovered that I do have internet at my new house afterall! My housemate said we don’t, so I didn’t even check until just now…out of curiosity. See? My curiosity isn’t ALWAYS a bad thing, LOL!

I’m all right, just hurting all over and in serious need of seeing my chiropractor but can’t afford it. My neck and S-I joint are out and my right knee is in pain from too many steps. I not only feel exhausted, I AM exhausted. I rested Monday during the hurricane, worked hard Tuesday to get the last of my stuff moved and clean the house, then light duty Wed running a couple of errands. Then today, Thursday, wipe out! I took TWO long naps and it’s only 9:30 pm and I couldn’t wait to get in bed!

So here I am, happily connected to the internet with my laptop listening to the Delilah Show! When, oh when, are Delilah and Rori going to connect?? They would make such a good team to help women!

I got two new job calls in the last two days, so I feel encouraged. I am taking a career crossroads class at a church, and it is top notch excellent. They helped me revise my resume, as well as my attitude, LOL. Feeling more confident about job hunting.

Missing R like crazy and still tempted to text him but not texting.Very happy and grateful to be in my new home, a houseshare in the country with two horses out back! I look forward to spending time with them. Got my bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen stuff unpacked and set up. Still need to unpack the majority of my stuff.

I have been working 10 to 13 hours a day for over two weeks, packing, cleaning, and moving. It feels so good to have it overwith. I have rarely felt as worn out as I currently do.

Sigh, feels so good to have a nice home, and it is truly a miracle on more than one count!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:38pm
720: Vi says:

I feel sad I treated myself with a person I felt very attracted to but not really connected… and abandoned the person I felt namely connected but that felt so ‘boring’ and ‘drama-free’ that it didn’t seem like ‘love’. That was my way to understand what the connection is and how important it is for me… Weeeee I don’t feel like beating myself up for that anymore!!!!! hehe I feel giggly…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:41pm
721: Radlove says:

About marriage, I believe it is beyond traditional…I believe it was instituted by God, and that He designed it for protection for us. Because anything like sex that makes us so vulnerable needs to be protected by a commitment.

Rori made a lot of good points. But for me, it’s more about intimacy and lifelong companionship. She asked what would my ideal relationship look like? I would like to be a team in ministry with my husband. I long to be a wife.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 6:43pm
722: Vi says:

The only man I am thinking of right now is MY masculine energy…. and what it is doing or not doing for me .. and what ‘he’ says to me.. and how it feels… by the way riffing and loving “icky” parts feels more authentic to me when it is done by my masculine side..
I kinda imagine a boy that personifies my masculine energy and imagine that he talks to the parts of me that want to be loved… He has no doubts that I am amazing… I feel thrilled by that. and I feel excited to explore his power and use ‘his’ assurance in my amazing-ness.. hehe .. Thank you I feel loved and taken care of … It feels awesome! hehe it seems I found ‘my’ man .. and he is going to take me for a walk now…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:04pm
723: LiliBee says:

673:

Hi Turquoise,

I heard from Radlove about 2 days ago on FB.
She’s been moving.
Luckily she moved a day before the hurricane hit, and she moved away from it.
She was very tired, but all in all OK.
She will be back once she’s settled in I guess.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:06pm
724: LiliBee says:

721:

loll Radlove, you were right there when I was typing news about you to Turquoise.

That’s funny.

Good to see you

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:07pm
725: Vi says:

I feel excited to try a new face cream with thermal water which has just arrived, hey welcome to Vi’s beauty workshop!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:09pm
726: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens,

FW, I LOVED what you said about a good smelling man…. I’m the same way. Ugh, not much turns me on more than a really good smelling man. Full blast, lol… love it! I’m going to borrow that saying, totally expressed how I feel! Thanks for the comment too about my post I feel tingly thinking about it.

Radlove, oh I remember how hard it was to move. I could barely move the first night in my house. I overdid it and ended up with a pinched sciatic nerve. I don’t think I’ve ever been in that kind of pain, for a month~ it did work itself out with me stretching, adding ice and heat, lots of rest…. but it was a definitely sign from my body to slow down. Take care of you!

HI Lillebee

MissStix… whoo hoo… so much good fortune! Hugs!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 7:44pm
727: Tereana says:

Francesca – 404

thanks! I’m going to make a Universe box!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 8:34pm
728: Turquoise says:

Where is everybody?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 8:41pm
729: Tereana says:

Goddess Lily – 414

I can definitely see how you would feel confused! : /

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:18pm
730: Tereana says:

Thanks, Dominique! (#433)

I think this is the hardest part for me:

‘I think if you can let go of most any preconceived ideas and just BE in each and every moment, you will feel better. No anticipation, no expectation.’

This is what I’ve been wrestling with very consciously the last few days. It seems to me that it should be a pretty “easy” thing to do. And yet, it seems that having a preconceived notion happens so automatically that i’m not even sure I know what it feels like *not* to. Sigh.

But I”m going to keep working on it anyway….

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:22pm
731: Janie Baby says:

It’s so hard not to have expectations. I feel that I’ve had the best relationships when I’m not expecting anything, but after 2 years, when I try to let go on expectations, I feel disappointed that I have to lower my standards or something.

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:37pm
732: Tereana says:

Luzydel – I feel you on the not liking men sometimes. Sometimes I don’t like them at all.

Right now, I feel annoyed, because the two men who called me yesterday, who were really interested in me, or so it would seem, I think were really only interested in one thing – my arse. Or maybe that’s just an assumption that I’m making. It just seems clearer to me today that they are not that serious. Or maybe I’m not that serious. I feel in my heart that this is not the right time for me to be dating someone seriously.

So what does that mean? Do I date not-seriously, or not at all?

I had a realization about myself recently, which is that I can’t really have “casual” sex. I mean, I can. But what it eventually becomes is not a casual thing. Which is not to say that I expect to get a relationship out of it. Just that the experience effects me deeply. And it might effect the other person, too. But it is an intimate, intense, experience. It cannot be “casual.”

And so, maybe with dates. Maybe I cannot go on a date and have it be “casual.” Maybe a date, just by itself, is a quasi-serious thing, and maybe I just haven’t been giving the event of a date enough credit. Maybe I’ve taken it for granted that I’ll go on dates and get to be the one that impresses guys. I’m good at that. I think I’ve perfected the art of the first date. The date that gets guys interested in knowing more and wanting to see me again. It’s the following dates, the long-term, the being with someone every day thing…that’s the one I have little or no skill at. I’ve never done it, and the one time I tried, it was a royal disaster. I was not prepared at all, and had no idea how it would make me feel. I don’t know how to practice it before I get there….I’m becoming too much of a loner.

But, as a woman friend of mine reminded me today (out of the blue, mind you, she just came out with this), it’s good to have my own space, and quiet time, and be able to come and go as I please.

And really, I think she’s right. I think I’m too young to “freak out” about not having a family right now. I mean, ultimately, I do want that. But right now, I think is the time that I get to enjoy having my life to myself. Right now, I can enjoy going to the bathroom without someone screaming for me. I can enjoy going to bed when I want to, getting my chores done on my own time, and going to work and coming home when I please. It is really a lot of freedom. And maybe all I need to do is appreciate it, because it could change any minute, and there can come a time when I have a partner and a family, and I might want to have some alone time then…So, really, I am a very lucky girl : )

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 10:39pm
733: Tereana says:

Janie baby – yes. It can be kind of a confusing difference between getting rid of expectations and lowering standards. Ideally, I think it’s that we are supposed to release our expectations while keeping our standards UP. How to do this exactly, I haven’t quite “gotten” yet. But I intend to! : )

MissStix – that is so awesome! Yeah!!

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:07pm
734: Iamabutterfly says:

@721 Radlove – thanks for being brave to say what I was too cowardly to say.

sometimes, I feel angry because I do want marriage, yet I feel unworthy of it.

I think what’s so scary about it for me is that it is REALLY hard. It does involve sacrafice and a loss of freedom.

but there’s something liberating about being loved in a place (if you want to call marriage a place) where the other person has promised to never leave you, who has promised to love you until they die, forsaking all others.

what safer place could there be to love?

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:22pm
735: Emerson says:

Wow textcd was all flirty sexy texting with me today but then stopped with no askinfg ronget together …..pfffff….
I noticed I had a feeling of wanting /needing to try and keep the Convo going and I felt turned off and let down…
Need more cds

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:46pm
736: Iamabutterfly says:

I remember reading the Biography of Edna St. Vincent Millay. She had so many lovers, it was a little baffling to me. She ended up marrying and “had some fun” while still married. Her husband was so sad and jealous about it.

When her husband died, she experienced tremendous grief, and ended up committing suicide shortly after.

My beliefs have changed so much since losing someone I loved so deeply because of my own fear, because of my own closing off of my heart, and because of my own selfishness and lack of communicating.

I forgive myself, because I was in so much fear and pain and I didn’t know how to trust myself at the time.

It taught me so much and it’s even still teaching me. and yes, I still miss him. and yes, I will always love him.

it’s like I didn’t know what love was until him, as cliche as that sounds.

I didn’t know what rejection was either. I didn’t know what it felt like to lose someone that you love more than life itself.

I didn’t know that HE didn’t know the depth of my love for him. I was selfish with my love. I let fear rule. and it completely broke me. I’ll never be the same.

I believe there’s something about marriage that is sacred.

I feel so scared of marriage, because I feel so scared of not being loved and adored inside of the inescapable institution.

I believe that you can love so many people in so many ways. So many different depths of love, so many people that you love for different reasons. People who heal you, help you discover things about the world and yourself that you never knew…

people who came to you at a time in your life when you were so completely broken and vulnerable and scared…

but when you marry someone, they get to see this side of you that no one else sees. the side of you that hates certain parts of yourself. (we all do, don’t we? certain words trigger us. selfish, cowardly, lazy, weak, over-emotional, messy, disgusting, helpless, pick a trigger word, pick a word that makes you absolutely crumble because a small part of you believes that it is true, or even knows deep down that it is dead-on accurate. and you’ve worked so hard not to be that way, but it’s obviously still there, deep down, buried. and the person you love the most is the one who sees it too, and calls you out on it, and there’s your fear and misery living inside the safety of the life you’ve created with your significant other…)

I’ve been watching “Once Upon a Time” and I relate so much to the “evil characters” who started out good. Who fell in love, made selfish, life-altering choices that didn’t consider the needs or desires of their beloved, and because of that, lost that love.

They became bitter, and let that bitterness eat at them.

I don’t want to be that way. Bitter. I don’t want to let my grief eat at me and cause me to lash out at others. I fear I will always feel jealous of those people with “perfect, unbroken hearts.”

but my heart has been broken and I thank God for its brokenness. Imagine the things I wouldn’t understand without this pain I carry! Oh part of me longs for naivety, yes, it’s true. part of me longs with everything I have for the “ignorance is bliss” that others have.

But I really “see” people now. I can offer comfort, whereas pre-pain, I couldn’t because I didn’t know how to comfort. You can’t be a good comforter if you don’t understand pain, can you?

the Bible talks about God being the Ultimate comforter. He tasted death, grief, and sorrow so that He might be able to comfort us. I love the story about when J3sus raised Lazarus from the dead. His friends kept telling him “if only you had been here, he wouldn’t have died!”

and He weeps. why was He crying? He is Life. but because of the consequences of sin (Death) and because of His pure empathy with humans, with their limited understanding, ever decaying, temporary bodies, He mourns. Because Death IS sad. Even with New Life just around the corner…

and He raises Lazarus from the dead.

he still weeps, even though He knows He is going to do this…

I didn’t really understand grief until I lost the man I loved…

Love is eternal…

Marriage is a death, of sorts. You die to all other men. They are no longer options.

But there is new life within marriage…

So, yes, yes, yes.

I want to be married. I want that Eternal Love.

I am married to the Lord of my Life.
I want to learn even more through marrying a flawed human being, so that i can understand what God goes through in loving me…

how frustrating and maddening and beautiful it all is…

Thursday, 1 November 2012 @ 11:56pm
737: Daria says:

tonight’s CD was sooo much work

omg he kept kidna assuming i didn’t like him and id get triggered and take his q a diff way and then he wind up saying he felt lost

and in reality i felt triggered and truend off and didnt want to say it

and finally i said it at the end

and it felt better and we kissed

and oh it was such practice to be teased and not jump into teasing and then i did

and i practiced and practiced and discovered new things about myself mmmm

and opened up and that felt good

yum

and also i feel suspecting he may be gay or some of the things seem girly like his eyeleash batting

and i ALWAYS suspect that so i dont trust it, ufff

i want to heal this and stop suspecting all my men of being gay

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:18am
738: Daria says:

oooh Lama “but there’s something liberating about being loved in a place (if you want to call marriage a place) where the other person has promised to never leave you, who has promised to love you until they die, forsaking all others.

what safer place could there be to love?

”
this feels so deep

and safe

and legit

thanks

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:20am
739: Daria says:

Thanks FlowerChild – i idd feel very triggered and mad but thank you for that. i feel really sensitive about it and it feels really safe that i can express that

sorry for blaming you in any way. i noticed i got kinda ‘laser beamy’ and blamy energy in some of the posts and i feel kinda bummed i expressed that way and felt all swept away and didn’t translate everything

it was a huge babystep for me anyway. Thank you!

this is really helping me love myself

(((((Flower Child))))))

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:25am
740: Daria says:

i don’t much have hygene issues

my girl seems to handle communicating about such things without much ripples

so most men that show up for me are very attractive to me

and i smell good to myself no matter how washed i am

i actually know that men like unwashed women smells more so that feels magical mysterious woman goddess deseriving easier

some men like eating period blood hehe i remember i used to feel very comofrtable with that idea when i first started my sex life, then pikced up some beliefs against it later

and im healing now

yay!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:27am
741: Daria says:

most of my men smell good to me even when they don’t shower

if one didn’t , i would feel triggered

i’ve felt triggered by bad breath before

but don’t really totally hold it against them

No Name CD has man breath. it’s not totally bad, but its not totally unnoticeable lol

i can handle it when he kisses me its still good even tho its kinda strong in its own way

im really into peoples bodies and the natural cleanliness innocence of it

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:30am
742: Daria says:

i like the smell fo my own body, i mean a lot, like eye rolls into the top of my head yum

and id ont wear other scents really

i do like some but most have chemicals and that puts me off

i ahvent really put any stuff on my skin with chemicals for years

my body is just so awesome tht it smells consistnely humanly delicious

when i feel triggered by my smell i feel stiff and icky and i clean without thinking

i have this Thai Stick salt stick thing that has underamrs not smell like anything

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:33am
743: Daria says:

sometimes i like when a man has colone

sometimes i like just the natural smell fo him or his hair

mmm

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:33am
744: Daria says:

sorry everyone for communicating in a blamy, attacky defensive way

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:34am
745: Daria says:

wow im seeing apologies in explaining , when there are none

but i hear it in the intent im gona give myself a high 5 there for awareness wow

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:35am
746: Daria says:

haha guys are askign me where i learned to talk that way, and that they really like it “i feel good” etc

i m telling them i learned it from a book and practiced it, they’re like, you couldn’t have, or wow, haha

they like it:)

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:41am
747: Daria says:

this guy and no name CD kiss almost the same, i felt the same hehee i feel amused

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:43am
748: Janie Baby says:

I’m scared that I finally ruined things. Sometimes instead of letting myself feel vulnerable and unsure, I try to take control and end things once and for all with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I’m acting out of fear or not. He called me very angry after I sent some text messages, and it made me feel validated, and so I don’t know if I’m working out of fear. At the moment I Thought it was working out of authenticity. But I’m not sure … feedback?
THese are the texts i sent
“I feel sad when you pretend to want to come over and not even return my call. I want a boyfriend who follows through with plans. Now I feel stupid about last night. This is why I feel used. I like it when guys call me after they sleep with me unless it’s casual. Im not the same girl who will put with the kind of stuff i dealt with with M (ex boyf)I want a more loving boyfriend. We can be friends. I’m tired of going back and forth and this awful feeling from being flaked on constantly and being ignored solidifies my deicsion for m. I’m a girl, I like guys who show me love and attention. Basically I don’t want this relationship with you where I’m in love with someone who’s not seirous about me. It feels horrible. I like hanging out adn having fun but it feels wrong to keep myself all to you if I’m not getting what I need. I know you said you want space so you can take all the space you want, but in the meantime, I want to keep my options open.” He called me after very angry and saying we could talk tomorrow to make a decision. I feel scared that he’ll break up with me. I don’t actually want to break up but I want to be more honest so he can decide if he can deal with me or not. Feedback criticism?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:57am
749: Indigo says:

It feels so great to come here, where everyone is so authentic. It feels so comforting that you sirens don’t put up a mask, and are just real about what you’re feeling.

It has been nearly three weeks since the break up, and I have been amazed at how the advice I have read here has helped me. Mainly what I’m finding is useful is taking it moment to moment, looking for the pleasure and the good feeling in each moment, and celebrating each moment that feels a little better. Taking comfort in whatever I can find, be in it a walk, or a hot bath, or even some empowering thoughts.

I had a chat with my mom last night, who is very wise, and she helped me to see the dynamic in my relationship with L more clearly, and this felt empowering. I felt small surges of power well up within me, and it gave me the strength to switch off my Skype last night and not to contact him, and today as well.

I celebrate these moments of feeling good about myself!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 3:34am
750: Tam says:

It feels scary not to have control, and to know that everything changes.
Men can change on a dime and that feels scary.

Even married men change on a dime. Hence sometimes I do wonder about the vows…when I see how many men I meet and try to come onto me are married. A quick search of the court records reveals everything, some are separated some are not even separated. What a turn off.

I feel depressed today. I wish sometimes things didn’t change, but they do. Most times, I feel like the respondent and not the initiator, and that feels bad.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:07am
751: Tam says:

I am going on a treasure hunt type thing to the city tomorrow, with a man – not dating just activity stuff…and he is already telling me about femalw friends coming boating with him (he has invited me also), and doing this and that…and it’s not even a dating scenario and has turned me off already!
I feel bad at becoming such a cynic.
\I feel so negative about everything and don’t want to!! Particularly dating.
I often feel I am just a number, with my ex bf I felt he could replace me like a car…and turns out he did!! He said his new girlfriend reminds him of me, so he is happy!! OMG. How can people do this?
I am happy for him, don’t get me wrong, but I am also amazed and aghast at how easy it is for men to replace women. I see it often.
Even when a woman dies.
When I split up with my first bf (and I initiated it), I was mourning for a long time and missed him for a long time, we kept in touch and it was a big thing for both of us. Then he got married. Hm. He never asked me to marry him (but we were also too young).

I feel very reflective and very unaccepting of the fact that everything changes. Maybe marriage is a way of society to pretend that some things are unchanging when in reality nothing is.
That feels sad.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:13am
752: Tam says:

I feel scared of going boating and the emotions that will throw up into my face.
Urgh. It’s going to be a one big huge triggerfest. But it has to be done sooner or later.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:14am
753: Tam says:

I feel moany today. There are all these people who have lost everything up north, and I feel like an ungrateful bi*** for moaning.
I saw yesterday, here on the beach, people had their patios destroyed and fences broken and sand and water in their houses…and lots of people busy cleaning up and rebuilding. And everybody had a smile on their faces. Wow. Humans are amazingly resilient, and have an amazing ability to bounce back from bad things…..I want to stop moaning about the silly little things going on in my life and instead send some positive vibes to everybody who is really going through a terrible time!!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:25am
754: Tam says:

Thanks for this Rori:

‘If you can imagine it, you can make it up anyway you want. If it feels scary, you can step out slowly and get used to it. If you can keep facing forward and keep stepping forward, you can change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your reality.

So, if you find yourself at the market, or Starbucks, or the theater, alone and miserable, or with someone you’re indifferent to, turn around from that thought. Literally spin 180 degrees and look elsewhere.

There will be something new there. Something good will happen. Someone new will step into frame. The person you’re with will become more of a real person and less of a poor substitute. Your life will go forward.

Surrender to faith in yourself. Surrender to the impossibility of knowing what’s around every corner. Surrender, not to longing, but to the pleasurable possibilities of what’s around the corner. Surrender to this idea: Romance is wonderful, love is not painful, and shoes can look good and feel good too. Stilettos are overrated.’

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:41am
755: April Rose says:

Thanks Tam,

Where did you find that piece by Rori in 753?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:07am
756: Tam says:

Heal your heart category, A-R

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:09am
757: April Rose says:

I am feeling confused.

I am really into Rori’s way. Discovering my deep feminine nature, and being her. It has cost me my relationship in a way, but I’m still sticking by my feminine nature.

Then I get a newsletter from Carol Allen, explaining how some men are astrologically ‘feminine’ and some woman are ‘masculine’ and how to allow that flow, for the relationship to work. And it can work.

My Right Man Report (by Carol Allen) showed that indeed this was the energy dynamic between WM and me.

I went against it, by choosing to honour MY feminine nature before his.

I feel really weird just now.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:20am
758: Dominique says:

Tereana and JanieBaby – It’s not about lowering expectations. It’s about opening yourself to possibility, and this can feel very exciting.

It may not be easy to release expectations. We’ve been so conditioned on so many levels, but when you can, even for a little while, it feels incredibly liberating, like a whole new world has been opened to you, one you might have never known was there had you not let go and opened up in this way.

xxoo

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:21am
759: April Rose says:

I noticed what I just wrote there – a judgement.
“I went against it”

Not true, April Rose. I didn’t go AGAINST anything. I am going along FOR my self and my feminine deep goddess nature.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:26am
760: April Rose says:

Feeling unsure about my inner masculine nature, though.

I want him to give me stability and purpose and direction and great support.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:28am
761: April Rose says:

Sweet tender lady, I will stand by you and love you through all crisis and all the devastating emotions.

You are the eternal scented bud, the blossoming rose, the wide open lily.

I worship you and your fragrance rewards me generously…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:30am
762: Annie says:

I do have expectations.
I love my expectations.
Here are some of my expectations.
If I am going to be your woman and you win my heart, I expect you to take care of it.
If I am going to be your wife I expect you to honor your commitment and agreement.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:49am
763: Goddess Lily says:

I want to shake my friend. She is the poster child for what not to do. I know we’ve all been there and went against good advice but I feel so frustrated. I can almost predict how this weekend will go for her. He calls last minute, she changes her plans and gives in. Then one of two things happens. She either has one good evening and hangs onto it in the bad times ( most times) or he blows her off with some lame excuse because he’s found something better to do. Uuggghh!!!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:51am
764: BAB says:

Screaming “I love me” in my car on my way to work! Initial tight can’t breath feeling in my stomach. Why so much fear about being heard/seen.
I love my fear/apprehension

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:54am
765: Iamabutterfly says:

@748 Janine baby – “I feel sad when you pretend to want to come over and not even return my call.”

That feels so blame-y! If that text were directed to me I would feel so angry about being accused of “pretending to want to come over.” He could have reasons why he didn’t call…

The rest of it sounded more gentle to hear, and obviously I don’t know the whole situation. Part of me thinks it unwise to compare him to your ex.

The fact that he wants to talk to you seems a good sign.

He wants space, huh? did you tell him how that made you feel?

“I feel so sad and scared that you want space…”

Good luck, girl. Hope you’re able to communicate effectively…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:56am
766: LoveAlways says:

Good morning sirens:

I noticed today that I’m really sensitive to what I see, hear and experience. I turn off the tv, hide posts on fb, turn off the radio, etc. so as not to be bothered with anything unsireny or what does not make me feel good. This feels so balanced and right to me like sipping steamy coffee on a cool crisp morning.

I started cding. It’s so different not using the online dating, but I like this better. Had a date with CDarmy last night. It was fun preparing for the date. Once I was settling in I realized how much I enjoyed my dates with HScd and how sweet we get along. CDarmy is not a gentleman, never has been, but I did only what felt right to me (not much, lol) but Rori says there is a message from each date/guy, so I have to think on that and figure out what was the lesson for me to learn, and try to separate that message from anything having to do with HScd because this is all about me and my growth and existence.

I feel so numb sometimes like an empty pit in my stomach – I miss HScd so much. But I’m adjusting, no tears today and I do have a smile on my face. It was a good idea to cd.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:58am
767: LoveAlways says:

Still leaning back
Did not hear from him all day yesterday, not once
It felt unbalancing, but still I leaned back
Morning came and I realized a whole day passed and we did not speak. NVs started buzzing around my head and whipped out a can of Siren-Off and the NVs buzzed away. Whatever his reasons, whatever he’s doing or thinking is not my business or concern. It’s all about me! Ahhhh I feel my siren muscles defining and growing again, Flex that siren stuff baby! I’m getting stronger, not feeling as weak and hurt as last week. Deep down I feel numb, but I do get little jolts of good feelings about myself and in my heart. I realize that this is a metamorphosis for HScd and me, and I the beauty of it is that I must grow – rising from the ashes a phoenix siren.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:08am
768: Iamabutterfly says:

Tam, I have been where you are. Women can change on a dime, too.

“…often feel I am just a number, with my ex bf I felt he could replace me like a car…and turns out he did!! He said his new girlfriend reminds him of me, so he is happy!! OMG. How can people do this?”

wow, do I relate to this. I’ve had at least two guys that I loved MARRY younger girls who were “a lot like me.”

It feels awful, I know.

but I can feel your insecurity and jealousy of these other women.

I would encourage you to focus on what is unique about you. Why do you “have to” go on this group thing with this guy and all these other women?

Does the idea of it scare you?

Maybe change your way of looking at it…

Instead of dwelling on how “negative” you are going to feel…how about deciding that you are going to have a blast!

Why not look to befriend the women who will be there? What interests might you have in common with them? What if they were all women like here on Siren Island? Looking to support you, heal themselves, and learn?

What if he saw your confidence and your willingness to interact with the other women and felt amazed by it and drawn to you, yes, YOU, unique, beautiful, insecure, damaged little YOU?

Are you willing to be delightfully surprised?
Why not?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:10am
769: BAB says:

It’s going to b be a great morning!!
I feel excited to get the day started.
Heard what my gremlins had to say and then pushed them aside.
I love my gremlins they are so helpfull!
I love this anxious feeling in my body.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:11am
770: LoveAlways says:

I feel calm
I don’t have to be married – that feeling has changed.
I have to be loved and live each day like it’s my last.
Marriage is no different that the type of car I drive, or where I live, it is a choice, a circumstance. The issue of marriage is the trees, and I am now beginning to look at the forest. This is a fabulous article Rori, thank you for sharing it.

“If you could get past your own insecurities, and know that you’d actually be happy to trade responsibility for a bit of not-knowing the future – you might be open to something other than marriage.”

“n my opinion – if you treat a man in a truly loving way with absolutely NO agenda about what YOU’LL get out of it, if you love him and accept him unconditionally, if you have fun together and good sex together and laugh and can cry together – he’ll feel so unpressured that he’ll instinctively move closer and closer to you and eventually want to seal the deal officially, for his own reasons . . . And that’s what Circular Dating is for. For making you feel like you can abandon your agenda and just feel your way from man to man, experience to experience, until one scenario, one man, one situation appeals to you enough to go in whatever direction it takes you.”

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:14am
771: Iamabutterfly says:

I did NOT sleep well last night. Was wide awake from 2am-5am. but it felt kind of good. There’s something cleansing about early morning thinking and feeling and processing time when you can’t sleep.

I just feel tired today.

I prayed last night. It’s so hard! To feel and go inside and outside and above myself, to where it feels scary and shaky and unforgiving.

To go to those places inside and outside and above and explore and forgive and feel and greive.

and to thank. and to ask. to think of others. to thank and ask and thank and ask and praise.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:15am
772: Tam says:

Hey Lama…thanks for your comments.
I am not even interested in the least in the guy I am going with, he is just a friend, not even that.
I think I am just being triggered at this ‘my female friends’ thing….I don’t know. Most men I dated here seem to have a female entourage and talk endlessly about their female friends…it’s kind of a turn off for me. Some of them have sent me pictured of posing with totally artificial ‘Jessica Rabbit’ women who look like strippers ‘me and my female friends’. I am not jealous of them, I find it a turn off.
That’s why.
I just can’t be bothered with that nonsense. Basically.
And I don’t really want to be part of someone’s boating harem and feel bad when I am out there, because I had my own boat and man basically – it will just make me feel worse and worse.
I don’t know.
We will see. Like I say, I am not even interested in the guy, it’s just something that turns me off.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:29am
773: Emerson says:

TextCd comes on strong and sexy on texts but then poofs. I haven’t seen him in about 3 months.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:42am
774: Iamabutterfly says:

@772 Tam – I can totally get that. I would feel completely weird about that, too.

You don’t have to go…

uggggggggggggg.

I texted Jack CD just to ask him a quick, non-emotional, logical question.

He answered, quickly and logically.
and I said “Thank you!
and he said “Yep”

and now I feel like balling my eyes out because I feel so disconnected and I miss him.

last week, he kept looking at me curiously.
We didn’t get a chance to talk because I had to leave.

Ug, I hate this!

How do you know what to say and when to say it?
how come guys never seem to be the ones to say something?
ug, that’s not even true!
they do say stuff, and when they do I feel frozen and numb and scared and disbelieving and all I can think is “why are you saying that sweet thing? what do you want? WHEN are you going to abandon me?”

how in the world can I stop this pattern?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:45am
775: LoveAlways says:

Listening to beautiful music

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:46am
776: Silver Moonbeam says:

#772 Emerson

Is he from an online dating site?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:47am
777: Iamabutterfly says:

I don’t understand!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:48am
778: LoveAlways says:

I feel light and open like a warm breeze on an island beach waiting for a cool cocktail

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:52am
779: Tam says:

((lama)) I also don’t understand. Many things. But I need to keep moving foward, that’s about the only thing I do understand right now.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:56am
780: LoveAlways says:

You know, I take something from the experiences wit each CD and it becomes part of me. It actually stays with me. I remember reading somewhere, that we seek in loves what we believe we don’t possess. So I DO possess it after each experience of love. What a painful friggin process!!!! But I get it! Hence, my phoenix siren rising!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:57am
781: Iamabutterfly says:

you know what? I’m going to ask to talk to Jack CD. like, really talk. me get vulnerable talk.

I’m even going to talk to SeenmecryCD.

I’m going to talk to every guy and be vulnerable and messy with all of them.

I’m so sick of walking on eggshells, leaning back when it doesn’t feel right (sometimes it definintely does, but sometimes it doesn’t even feel natural…)

I’m so sick of living in a place of fear, and what-ifs!

I want NO MORE regrets!
I am NOT a coward, and I refuse to be one any longer!

If i feel weird about something, I’m going to say it!

my biggest problem in love has not been NOT leaning back.

it’s been in NOT SAYING SOMETHING.

So what, if someone thinks I’m “Trying to control the outcome!”

we are all trying to control outcomes! because some things ARE in our own control! and we have to CONTROL those things.

I’m sick of people saying, “I wouldn’t do that…are you sure? is that what you really want? how do you know…? how would you feel if…? maybe you just need to… have you done this? have you said that?”

I’m so sick of all of it!

I am going to $%^&*(S)_ trust myself. It’s going to hurt and it’s going to be messy and scary, but I’m GOING TO FEEL ALIVE AND SURE OF MYSELF. I’m not going to listen to any of the “well-meaning” voices and “well-meaning” people that keep telling me to doubt myself, doubt my sanity, doubt my motives, basically doubt ME.

I can do anything! Sure, I might mess up, make a fool of myself, feel so uncomfortable that it feels like I’m stuck under 300 lbs of crawling scorpions, BUT AT LEAST I WILL KNOW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THE TRUTH! or if people are authentic enough to tell me the truth, or if people care enough about me to care that I’m feeling weird, unsure, in pain, whatever!

I feel angry and oddly liberated…

I’m the ONLY ONE who is experiencing what I’m experienceing, who knows what I know and feels what I feel and sees what I see…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:04am
782: LoveAlways says:

CDarmy was so turned on to me. The music, food, wine, perfume, touch. But I was kind of separated from it all. I experienced only what I felt like. I felt bad in a way, being exclusive like that, kind of like I was shunning him, or not experiencing the evening like how he wanted or was experiencing it. But I did respond to his kisses when I felt like it, and his touch, but would stop him each time he went too far for me. And this was not rejection. After a while, I feel recognized I was not rejecting him, but was enjoying him just as much as I wanted to. I made it known there is someone else for me, but it was still my choice what I did or didn’t do. And I did enjoy his company a lot. It was a fun date, and he had a fun time too. We connected without me abandoning myself or my truth that I don’t want another man touching me intimately right now other than HScd. I felt confused at first during the date, experiencing what I was feeling, embracing that feeling and honoring it. Felt a little imbalanced mentally and emotionally for a while, but then I just gave into my feelings and experienced what I wanted to. If it was an embrace, that’s what I enjoyed. If it was a kiss, that’s what I enjoyed. If it was a gaze, that’s what I enjoyed. He really touched and admired my body – I am much healthier and in better shape these days, so it felt good to realize that a man found pleasure in my siren-ness, taking good care of me, wearing clean fresh sexy shampoo/condition, expensive perfume and sweet wine on my lips. He was in a sensual haze of siren me.

Yes, I’m adjusting to cding again.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:05am
783: LoveAlways says:

CDdj has been calling me a lot lately. I don’t feel it’s time to re-connect with him. I have to embrace this. He will get his time and his date soon.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:10am
784: Rebecca says:

I feel mega stressed today. I don’t know whether I am PMT.

My conundrum at work is still on my mind.

I feel I am sh!t at what I do, and I’m just feeling like I am having a nervous breakdown and I feel I have to let it out.

It’s like I’m watching my life flash before me in slow-motion.

I just feel my way is sooooo different from everyone else’s and I need to ‘be’ like them in order to be successful.

I just feel like such a loser right now.

Like everyone is ‘better’ than me. Everyone know’s what they are doing far more than I do.

I FEEL LOST, CONFUSED… PRESSURED…. PHEW…. I JUST FEEL DRAINED…

I’m finding it hard to relax. I just needed to let it out somewhere, for some reason. Not sure why…

I want to turn my life around and feel more confident and self assured..

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:13am
785: Emerson says:

No silver moon!
No..he is a former work associate. I do like him and feel attracted but I felt weird because of the work thing. Now we don’t work together anymore so I feel ok but he has yet to make a move other than texting. Who knows!!!
I feel annoyed but flattered too ….

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:13am
786: Emerson says:

784 I meant to say hi silver moon not yell no at you lol…..

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:14am
787: Emerson says:

(((Rebecca)))

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:15am
788: Silver Moonbeam says:

#784 Emerson

No worries lol!! I just wondered as my take on dating sites are that the men of my age are just time wasters who want penpals…………..

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:18am
789: Rebecca says:

Oooh, my back is sooo tight and stiff and rigid..

I must embrace these feelings and try not to fight them.

They are here for a reason, they are trying to tell me something.

I need to love them, not hate them….

I love my pain, and frustration.

I love my worry and fear.

I love my lack of self confidence and timidness.

I love my worry of planning for the future.

I love my fear of ever making it.

I love my fear of never improving, never moving past where I want to be.

I love my fear of always seeing my faults and failings and mistakes, right when it is too late.

I love all of it…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:20am
790: Rebecca says:

I feel compassion for me..

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:21am
791: Rebecca says:

It’s all because I left a project unfinished and I can’t bare it…

It’s eating away at me.

Like leaving the dirty washing up in the sink..

Arghhh…

I must have OCD…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:24am
792: Rebecca says:

It’s all because I left a project unfinished and I can’t bare it…

It’s eating away at me.

Like leaving the dirty washing up in the sink..

Arghhh…

I must have OCD…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:25am
793: Rebecca says:

It’s all because I left a project unfinished and I can’t bare it…

It’s eating away at me.

Like leaving the dirty washing up in the sink..

Arghhh…

I must have OCD…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:25am
794: Iamabutterfly says:

“A high quality woman is a woman of value and a woman of value is one who values the happiness of others, and who is considerate. People will rarely perceive real value in you unless you give THEM something. Think of what a typical low value and low quality woman looks and acts like. Usually, this kind of woman is so significance-driven that she is habitually unable to listen, to care for or to help others. Typically, this kind of woman makes you cringe because she gives the female gender a bad name. She may even frustrate you with anger because you simply can’t get a word in and let’s face it, it’s HARD being around someone who doesn’t care about you at all.

A woman of low value has such a low sense of self-worth that it’s impossible for her to perceive what life is like from another angle. She’s too in to herself! It’s very much a case of ‘the empty vessel makes the most noise’.

Here is what a high quality woman is NOT: She is not someone who is constantly sucking value from others.”

http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/11/7-keys-to-becoming-a-classy-woman/

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:25am
795: LoveAlways says:

I feel my connection with HScd is expanding and stretching, almost feels like it’s being pulled then, and that is when I realize that those pesky NVs are buzzing around my head again, and I try to get out of my head and down into my soup of feelings. I feel anxious when I feel the connection stretching, I feel nervous because of the NVs, but then I feel calm and realize to I need to BE STILL and feel. That’s what I scream to myself in my head nowadays BE STILL WOMAN!!! Breathe, feel, stop thinking. Then I don’t know what I feel. That feels confusing right now, but I’m comfortable feeling confused.

That’s another point. I am not being, I am feeling. This feels so empowering on a personal level. No one, no thing, no situation, NOTHING causes me to be, it can only cause me to feel, and I feel what I feel for real, not for fake. But I am not “being” these days, I am feeling, and this feels safe.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:33am
796: MissStix says:

Emerson 784 & 85

This made me giggle!! hehe

“No silvermoon!”

hahaha

Ahhhhh it’s too early.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:35am
797: LoveAlways says:

The time is getting away from me today. This feels relieving like a warm shower at the end of a long tiring day, when your shoulders just relax into the heat of it all. Yeah, time is getting away from me and I am holding my safe space feeling sweet listening to good music. In my own siren place. I don’t want to give this feeling and space up just yet. I’m tempted to turn off my ringer for a while. I will do just that and enjoy this solitude. There the phone is off now. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:36am
798: MissStix says:

Lovealways

You are a glorious inspiration and your vibe feels so ethereal and liquid…Just…Welcoming of all of these feelings. So open.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:37am
799: Emerson says:

787 well silver moon I’ve had a few if those from the dating sites too! I’m not on any dating sites right now but I was before. Have you met anyone in person?

I feel piney and kinda anxious.
I want to meet someone special soon !!!!
I feel like I have a block up but what is it? Why do I feel that way? How do I fix it?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:37am
800: LoveAlways says:

It felt weird having a man’s hands on my skin, but I released all of the NVs after a while and just enjoyed being adored and touched. Just had to redirect his hands a bit, lol.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:38am
801: LoveAlways says:

I didn’t want to have s3x and I was not triggered by it either. It was kind of out of body, but totally in my body kind of experience. I feel accepting of this unclearness. Wow, that felt soothing and right

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:39am
802: Emerson says:

796 haha miss stix. !!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:39am
803: MissStix says:

793

This feels very confusing to me…I am very centered in self, but I am such a quiet person in real life. Very introspective and within my body. It feels like this person is saying it’s bad to be centered in self but the reasons given feel false and confusing…They don’t make sense to me. I guess I just don’t get how to be centered in self and have low self value at the same time. When I personally had low self value is when I considered others before myself the most.

Feeling highly confused :s

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:44am
804: LoveAlways says:

It’s a different, yet familiar sexual siren zone for me. I feel strong this way. I am a gift, an ornate gold treasure box with diamonds and rubies and other jewels embedded in my design. The real valuables are locked inside and I only let in one person at any given time. And I sometimes I don’t let anyone in, even though what’s inside is so precious that it must be touched and loved to exist. yeah, that’s my siren s3xuality now. feels honest like my core and as true as my faith and a self confession, my vulnerability, my shame, my weakness – my reality.
I feel it all at once
coreness
truthfulness
faith
vulnerable
shame
weakness
peaceful
happy
sweet
confused
h0rny
sad
lonely
anguish
pain
sweet
loved
embraced
soothed
. . .
breathe girl

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:45am
805: Heart says:

Hello Ladies,

I feel good at the moment…apparently keeping busy and dating/romancing myself. I have been overspending and must cut back on many hobbies and partying this month.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:49am
806: MissStix says:

Wooooaaaahhh!! I just realized I have a whole extra pack of smokes…This means I completely unconsciously smoked a whole PACK less than usual. Hum. Interestingly delightful.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:52am
807: Emerson says:

I feel really frustrated and blocked with work and men and logistics of my life. I feel indecisive because i don’t want to rule anything out but I don’t know what to do. I feel lost and confused ….I need to make some changes but things are not falling into place at all.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:53am
808: Heart says:

but thats ok….i sortof want to explore different things & do simple but wondrous things like visit an art exibition or have a picnic in the park…I want to just have a New Experience this month…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 7:53am
809: Rori Raye says:

butterfly – this is amazing, thank you, and though I’m sorry it landed in moderation (I’m very careful about keeping this blog “non-religious,” so all religious references will always land you in “moderation”) – I’m grateful I had a chance to read it. Love, Rori

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:01am
810: MissStix says:

My tax assessment says “separated” in my marital status. I feel annoyed that my marital status will, for the rest of my life, be tied to what was instead of what is. When we officially divorce it will read “divorced”. And it will remain that way for the rest of my life through my choice to not marry again. Stupid. Feel irritated. I’d rather it say “single” forever. Pffft. Yawn. Whatever. Now I don’t care. Oh hello apathy there you are again…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:29am
811: MissStix says:

I feel my thoughts retreating back to getting married being the biggest mistake I made in my life. I will allow these thoughts free roam for now. They aren’t harming me.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:39am
812: BAB says:

MissStix- 803
793 “when I personally had low self value is when I considered others before myself most.”

I hold resentment in my heart for how much I have given up in this relationship,never realized how much I was loosing by valuing someone else’s emotions and feeling above my own..
I love this resentment.
I wanna be vulnerable and open.. I love this feeling of not being in control.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:41am
813: BAB says:

I feel triggered and resentful towards others speaking about marriage and being married.
My thoughts are filled with jealousy and anger.
I feel I have to protect my heart from these feelings so I disconnect.
I love my disconnecting, I love my jealous resentful heart.
I want a committed marriage.
I love this limbo I’m in.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:47am
814: Turquoise says:

Sirens….. I had another AHA moment and wanted to share!
When Mr. Conversation and I first started dating and we were talking about what we wanted, I shared that I want to feel like the best thing that’s ever happened to someone ( and for them to believe that) my ex said that to me a few times over the years, meant a lot to me.

Well, Mr. C. Said he knew I would be. A couple times when I haven’t felt enough from him, I’ve wanted to say….. I could be the best thing that ever happens to you, or you could miss out, and I’ll be the best thing to someone else.

It hit me this morning, that why should I worry about being the best thing for someone else???? I’m the best thing that will ever happen to ME. My attitude, my self worth, how we’ll I take care of myself! Then of course my radiant self will reflect on someone else, and any guy would be lucky my siren self wanted to be with him. Yeah baby! I deserve my best effort. ME!!!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:47am
815: MissStix says:

BAB

I feel a kind of relief to see you writing and loving your feelings. I can’t help but see it as the first step on the road to being centered in self.

I want to write something and title it “Giving as a form of control”. And build it around how some of us women see giving and giving up our own needs as the true road to being of high value to a person. Finish it off with the notion that being of high value to ourselves is the true road to being valued by others.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:50am
816: MissStix says:

Meh..my marriage wasn’t a mistake- even writing this a part of me is arguing with myself. I realize now I have never fully admitted that I knew, before I married him, that he wasn’t right for me. I knew. I’ve never said this before. I was not totally blind…A part of me already resented him. A part of me felt loathing towards him. Pheeeeeeewwwwf. He was already sleeping with someone else. I did not know that…But a part of me dispised him. Yeah…That was hard to admit.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:56am
817: BAB says:

Imabutterfly-794

Thank you for the post! Scary and wonderful to read. I needed to hear this.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:59am
818: MissStix says:

4 years…I finally recognize and admit this 4 years later. I dunno what I thought at the time. omg I feel terrified and lost. Acutely. Where do I take this admission? Where do I go with this? Sh!t….Breathe.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:59am
819: MissStix says:

This admission is a deep infinite darkness surrounding me and I am running running with my arms outstretched. Totally blind. Totally lost. I can not find anything solid to grasp. To hold. No beginning, no end.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:02am
820: BAB says:

MissStix- As always thank you for your words they are always uplifting to read. I would love to read what you write on that subject! I clearly remember the time I switched from playing it cool in the beginning of our relationship to trying to think if things I could do for him so he would notice and see how wonderful Iam.. I feel so sad that I did this I can’t forgive myself for making this move. I feel I let myself down.

It’s so hard to make the switch back. Iam of high value and I believe, I can make the switch. If you can’t see how amazing Iam screw you.

Ugh so mean and resentful, I feel confused by this post..
I love me.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:05am
821: Tereana says:

Wow, MissStix – that is really cool that you can admit that! I feel impressed.

Your eyes are open. You were smart then, and you’re smart now. And next time, you won’t make that “mistake.” you’ll choose differently. I feel confident about that.

Do you?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:07am
822: BAB says:

I feel so confused at my thoughts,I have an overwhelming urge to run away give, up and never look back.
I love my panic.
I know I want to run so I don’t have to feel the pain of rejection. I want to take the easy way out.
I am controlling my vulnerability.
I love my need to control.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:09am
823: MissStix says:

oh how I desperately want to do something with this. Use it for my learning and growth like everything else but I feel my foundation crumbling under me. A voice in my head that says “This only changes everything.” but I have no clue where to even start…Maybe letting it go is the true key. Maybe not…Maybe it is here to show me why exactly I have always been running away from comittment. Somewhere my subconscious knew that I could have stopped it all. I could have called off our wedding but I didn’t because I did not know how he truly felt. I really thought I would devastate him. And when I found out so soon how he truly felt this is what really sprang my bitterness to life. Because we could have stopped it but we didn’t. He could have told me but he didn’t. I could have told him but I didn’t. And I was “supposed” to be so upset about the affair. So when he told me he wasn’t in love the first thing that came to my mind was “$16000 down the effing drain” and I swallowed that. I blocked it. Forced it down down down.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:17am
824: BAB says:

All these thoughts and no real tangible feelings attached to them, I can sense a twinge but nothing more. I am concerned I’m not actually feeling these thoughts rather just hearing them per say in my self.. And thinking that just saying the word” feel ” will make me actually FEEL…

Ugh annoyed.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:18am
825: BAB says:

Iam good in these situations, I am confident in my unknowing.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:25am
826: MissStix says:

It’s all so swirling and confusing. I felt my soul forcibly leaving my body that day. I hated him. I hated me. I wanted to die and leave this painful hate filled world. There was so much more than just a woman scorned. So much more than false fronts. There was love. Isn’t getting married what I was “supposed” to do with my first love after 5.5 years together, no matter what sacrifices I was making? Wasn’t it the “right” thing? Doesn’t a girl say “yes” to a giant sapphire surrounded with diamonds being held by the hand of the only man she’s ever loved? It was all so right. It was all so wrong.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:25am
827: BAB says:

Even tho its difficult to see, i am confident in me!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:27am
828: BAB says:

I feel scared reading 5.5 years. Somehow that terrifying me, that number is so close to where I am, I feel unaccomplished in this relationship. What have we done? Where are we going?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:31am
829: Iamabutterfly says:

@809 Rori – regarding my comment #736.

oh, Rori, thank you so much. I felt so nervous and scared and vulnerable writing it, but I felt like I needed to in order to continue processing and healing.

I feel so moved, teary, and grateful from reading your compliment. Thank you so much for your courage and for everything you write, for the services you provide, and for everything you do.

Love, butterfly.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:33am
830: MissStix says:

And so, now I shout it out LOUD “Do not ask me to marry you, anyone, ever!”. Marriage is wrong. I say. Weddings are a sham. I say. It looks so glittery and pretty and loving and amazing but it’s not. It’s sick and twisted and I want no part of doing anything at all because I am “supposed” to do it. And I find fault in every single reason anyone can come up with to support getting married. I could find a fault in the joining of the most pure love for the soul purpose of deepening their love. To that I could say “If your love is so pure why do you need a legality to deepen it?”

Omg I feel so pointy and prickly. Resentful.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:34am
831: Iamabutterfly says:

@817 BAB – you are so welcome, Bab! I feel warm and grateful that it could be a help to you.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:36am
832: MissStix says:

((((hormones))))

I love my irritation. I love my totally uninspiring resentment. I feel totally resistant. I don’t want to celebrate love today. I want to call it a liar.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:41am
833: Femininewoman says:

RE 736 very very beautiful Iamabutterfly

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:41am
834: Iamabutterfly says:

Everyone, don’t forget to change your clocks this weekend!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:43am
835: Iamabutterfly says:

@833 Femininewoman – thank you so much! How are you doing with braving the aftermath of Sandy?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:44am
836: Femininewoman says:

Oh no, it is this weekend. My neighborhood is pretty much back to normal.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:47am
837: MissStix says:

I look up from under lowered brows. Slitted suspicious eyes. Scowl face. And in this moment I realize I want a totally honest kind of love. The kind of love that has no problem saying “I, as your love, evoke powerful negative emotions sometimes. You, as my love evoke powerful negative emotions sometimes. And so what?” Hey, guess what? Sometimes I just feel a SCREAM building at love. Oh I am seeking some kind of amazing imperfection here. Glorious rage. Filthy dirty purity. Animalistic sophistication.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:48am
838: MissStix says:

I didn’t just shed a skin…I ripped it from my body violently. I threw it to the ground and stomped on it. I spat on it. I left it there on the ground and marched defiantly away from it.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:53am
839: sunshine says:

Rori, I am always learning from your advice. Seems like my feeling messages with men feels so good, different, strange, and I feel curious of its possibilities thanks. I have something that I cant seem to wrap around…
You have mentioned in Modern Siren that the thinking part doesnt bring love. I totally see how feeling messages brings closeness, but why not sharing thoughts? I feel confused. I also like sharing what I think with men Im dating my thoughts on different topics, common interests,etc. I like showing off what I know and flirty debating:) I also like when a man debates something I said about whatever topic and we can talk for hours about it, it feels attractive. I think that when a guy Im dating and I get into deep conversation it feels nice and bonding:) Ever since growing up Ive loved chatting with family, friends, Im a chatterbox:) and in dating I love it too…I feel chemistry as well when I have nice talks on my dates it feels warm and fuzzy and like we are intimate in a different way. Anyway, I just felt curious and confused that you didnt agree…or am I misunderstanding?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:59am
840: BAB says:

After reading 3 steps to better posture, i am realizing how much i scowl and look down and sit slumped over and slouch. It’s automatic I do it with out thinking.
I always hear from ppl that I look mad or pissed off or sad. Never you look happy! I resent this,
I love my frowns face and slumped shoulders.
Iam going to practice smiling and standing straight. I want to hear ” you look happy”

I have been doing all this because I don’t want to be seen in this body. I have lost my slender self I worked so hard for in highschool.
I love having curves and being loving of this body. I look hot anyway Iam!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:01am
841: BAB says:

Iamabutterfly-

831- Thank you! I miss read your response and thought it said ” you are so awesome, BAB” lol after retreading it I see what it actually says, but you know what I am awesome, so I’m gonna continue to think that’s what you said;)

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:03am
842: MissStix says:

“Dearly beloved, and some merely tolerated. We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in frustrating matrimony.

The rest of their lives will be filled with joy and pain. We are here to celebrate honest love. There will be times when the urge to rip each other’s hair out will be overwhelming. She will feel irritated in many moments. He will think she’s a lunatic on occasion. But there they will be, standing by each other day after day in honest expression. For a lack of desire to leave, a fear to lose each other, and a genuine bond that includes “negative” emotion.”

This is it. Oh…I have no problem having a wedding anymore. So long as it is honest, and is faceted with humour and offense. Just like true love.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:06am
843: BAB says:

Hahaha just caught myself slumping over.. Yay me. No more slummy Mc slumperson! baby step.. I love this challenge.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:08am
844: BAB says:

MissStix- LOVE!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:09am
845: Iamabutterfly says:

@836 Femininewoman – glad to hear it.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:12am
846: Iamabutterfly says:

@842 Miss Stix – hilarious! without being disrespectful. I love it…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:14am
847: Iamabutterfly says:

@841 BAB – You ARE awesome!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:15am
848: Heart says:

RAWR!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:16am
849: Femininewoman says:

sunshine my understanding from the Reconnect program is that debating and thinking is masculine. A man knows we will respect his *thinking* when we are women who can feel and share our feelings. They are logical so debating with them feels kinda like battling is what I understand. They want to feel relaxed without the everyday tension they feel with other men when they are around us.

The feelings get them into their humanity and their heart. It is the one thing they miss most of their day/their lives. And help them to reconnect with themselves. Much of it is subconsious and for me very interesting to experiment with. I no longer believe in showing off what I know, it feels too competitive to me now.

I know you asked Rori but I thought I’d share my experience.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:20am
850: Femininewoman says:

BTW I did not understand her saying not to share thoughts but that I picked up in one of her interviews. I understand that in dealing with her husband she kinda puts up her hand and ask if she can share some thoughts she has. That prepares him to hear her coming from her thinker and also gives him the opportunity to let her know if he is in a space to accept or not accept her thoughts.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:23am
851: MissStix says:

The tears are still with me. Cleansing me. I know now. I know why I was seeing all weddings as a sham. I felt like a bold faced liar. And, though it’s none of my business, I desire to see the filth under the white satin. I feel ravenous for it. As though there can not be a love so perfect as every single wedding would have us believe. As if…If only they would show that raw beauty to the world I would feel far less sceptical.

And thank you bab and “Lama”

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:26am
852: Femininewoman says:

Christie Marie Sheldon

ChristieSheldon.com

We attract what we vibrate at…

Gratefulness and Gratitude are huge keys in manifesting great things into your life. How much are you Blocking from coming into your life…or sabotaging out of your life because you cannot get into the energy of ‘Great-fullness’? More and more things cannot be achieved without the attitude of gratitude.

http://christiesheldon.com/users/awp.php?ln=110377

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:37am
853: Femininewoman says:

Actually if there ISN’T an immediate going weak in the knees, this is more than likely a more accurate indication that he may be a far better candidate as a “the one” than the one who does make you swoon on first sight and melt to the floor on a first kiss.

The latter kind of response is much more likely old patterns and habits arising, ones that have already shown themselves to not be good for you in the long run. These are more than likely your addictions rearing up, attraction to the familiar which has led to pain and heartbreak in the past and will again until you become aware of your patterns.

http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/how-to-show-yourself-on-a-date/

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:41am
854: BAB says:

849-850 I’m feeling intrigued by your post! So many things/questions rising.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:41am
855: MissStix says:

G and I had a good talk about the future last night. We talked of our child raising ideals. I felt a meshing and melding together of our individual desired approaches. Like yin and yang they came together. I heard “I think you will be a great mom” I spoke “I see you will make a great dad.”. He is fantastic with his nieces and nefews. I feel incredibly connected of late. Tears come again. I have infinite expansion within me. I feel floored. I feel so certain. I have never felt more certain of anything in my life. We made a promise last night to each other. In 3 years time we will re-convene and talk and if our financial situations provide the required stability, we will have a baby together.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:43am
856: sunshine says:

Thanks Feminine Woman for your response. I still feel strange about it all because I have bonded this way with men since a kid…with my dad, uncles, etc. I always felt it was a way to show a side of myself that I liked. I feel sad like I cant show that side along with the other sides:( Its part of who I am to have feelings, opinions about things, passions, inspirations, reflections on life…I dont like to think that the guy is the only one entitled to think, as if I am but his shadow when it comes to desicions. It makes me feel like I lost a part of myself. I guess its something that I need to work on, and I know Rori encourages passions in other areas of life but I thought it would be nice to also share that side with your trusted companion hmmm….

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:50am
857: MissStix says:

Some niggling voice tells me “he won’t have a baby without a wedding”. And I feel blessed relief to have torn that aweful skin from my being. Ahhh more tears. The more connected I feel the more difficult it feels to hang onto my limiting beliefs and unnecessary boundaries. I feel solid and content to start a family without a wedding. But when that day 3 years from now comes, if he expresses a need to marry to start a family, I can enter into that openly and freely and knowing it is right. I can feel no bending of a boundary if it does not exist.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:53am
858: Femininewoman says:

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in that gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”
- Theodore Roosevelt

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”
- Winston Churchill

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
- Thomas Edison

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:55am
859: Mercedes says:

Been skimming comments to try to get caught up a little. Had to skip over the hygiene ones because I can’t deal with bad smells – regardless of where they come from – and it was gagging me just to think about it. LOL

But…for today…I thought this was kind of cool. I’m skimming comments and trying to work at the same time and I looked down at my planner to read the “quote of the day” and it says:

“The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.” – Amy Grant

I like that.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:57am
860: ruth says:

Just popping in
Gosh, such powerful stuff on here

i am exhausted

Another marathon yesterday(punctuated by work texts) but a lazy day today
that feels good

had an eye test and for the first time they can give me 20/20 vision with my glasses

yesterday was an absolute mud fest
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7736510@N08/

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:58am
861: Femininewoman says:

sunshine I was just reading something written by Carol Allen where she says we attract our opposite. Some of us are either naturally more masculine or learned to be that way. I guess maybe getting in touch with whatever your truth is could help with how you are with the *right* man. Hopefully if he is more feminine you could accept him as he is.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:59am
862: Mercedes says:

FW – How are we posting quotes at the same time? LOL I LOVE IT!!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:59am
863: ruth says:

I find your posts so uplifting Miss Stix

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 10:59am
864: MissStix says:

I feel a slight shame to admit I am working on me, today, to be “right” for this relationship. I love my shame. I love my honour feelings wrapped around his being. I love these tears. Iove my liquid ever-changing-ness.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:00am
865: Daria says:

Mmm I’m feeling oxytocin bonding w No Name CD

That feels amusing and a bit relieving

It feels like warm soft feelings toward him.

It comes w a repetitive image like I’ve noticed oxytocin bonding does w me in the past.

The image is his head on my chest after we made live, and I’m ansentmindedly stroking his hai
Aww

Feels like he’s my baby hehe

Wat a wonderful glimpse into having babies

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:02am
866: ruth says:

Hugs to you francesca

BAB-wow.your man responded to you.So you communicated with him well

Im learning

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:03am
867: BAB says:

Haha thank you positive thinking.
Ex brother in-law just send me a txt with a Pinterest photo that read ” Hey you, you’re pretty f$&@ing awesome, keep that s#&% up! ” Even tho he sent it as a joke (I know this because we are pretty good friends who joke around a lot) I still liked reading it!

Also that’s Iamabutterfly for helping me project that into the world!

I feel sad I didn’t get that from my bf, and resentful that he doesn’t send me things like that hardly at all.
As I write that I realize Iam over looking the times he does send them to me, it’s always a lot all at once! I don’t appreciate him enough,I fool myself into thinking I do.

I love my foolish girl. I love my instant critiquing.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:03am
868: BAB says:

Ruth-what post are you reusing to?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:05am
869: MissStix says:

Ruth

Wow, thank you! I usually feel uplifting, but today I felt dark and brooding and violent. It is exactly what i’ve needed.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:06am
870: BAB says:

I love my expectations!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:07am
871: ruth says:

BAB

Im posting about when you were crying and wanted your man to hold you

and you told him your truth-so he did hold you

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:11am
872: MissStix says:

BAB 870

Here here! Shout it out lady!

So much talk of “no expectations” it feels refreshing to read those 4 words.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:14am
873: ruth says:

To janie baby

Your man is going through a tough time from waht you said ealier, with the deaths and the two jobs

Cut him a little slack

he loves you

but he needs to sort his stuff out

Dont make him wrong
xxxxxx

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:15am
874: ruth says:

You feel authentic miss stix

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:16am
875: MissStix says:

The blog feels honest today. Maybe it is a projection of my own raw honesty feelings. Either way…I love to read honesty. Love to feel it no matter what it feels like. Ahhhh I love truth! Yum.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:18am
876: ruth says:

ack, i just wish I could keep up with you all

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:19am
877: BAB says:

Ruth- Oh yes, Iam still learning as well. Was a ruff way of going about it but I felt good about it after, for the most part. Love my uncertainty.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:21am
878: BAB says:

MissStix-Thank you, I second that shout out

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:23am
879: sunshine says:

Feminine woman yeah Ive thought about that too. i guess ive always just loved conversation, and helping people and myself by talking…I like the quiet, shy guys in this aspect who need that little encouragement when it comes to opening up, I like it when I do i feel all accomplished…thats my masculing side that I enjoy. As far as other things I like men who are gentlemen, open doors, are kind to me, and i feel protected by their strong hugs, them calling and initiating first, thinking of dates, helping me out the car door, etc. Guess talking is the one part that I like being in masculine:) hmmm…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:31am
880: MissStix says:

I have 2 hours to take care of me and come to a conclusion around how I will construct my friday night. I have a major errand to run. I have few options. I can pick up the man and chill with him at his place till the time comes to run an errand. Or I can stick around here by myself until I run the errand and grab him from his place on my way home. There isn’t much sense in having him make his way here because he needs stuff from home and his home/work etc are on the way in both options.

Taking care of me looks like lunch in front of the big screen with a movie on. Shower. Feel how I feel about it all at that point.

Thank you sirens for being here. Thank you blog for being here. This is the only way I feel good walking through my stuff. I feel blessed to have this place and all of you.

So. Much. Love! <3

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:32am
881: BAB says:

I feel a drive a want to go farther and learn more. I desire to feel everything.
I feel scared saying that, i have a knot in my stomach. I am nervous..
I’m holding negative expectations surrounding this. Iv conditioned myself to only see the bad coming so Iam not surprised..
Yuck.. Thank you conditioning, I’m moving on..

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:33am
882: BAB says:

I love my negativity..

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:35am
883: BAB says:

Is it wrong to ask why ur SO feel bad when he say he feels sick or crappy? Is that leaning forward, being in the masculine?

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:40am
884: BAB says:

I wan tot ask if he feels better, but i have already texted Him once earlier sayiing i love you and I don’t wanna come off as pursuing and leaning forward or initiating convos while he’s at work too much..

I love my worrisome little lady.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:43am
885: BAB says:

Worrisome little lady made me feel giggly. Ha I am my grandma, she is amazing!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:46am
886: Starla says:

Last night I was going to bed and feeling so worked up about things in my life and just anxious and alone and then I remembered how I used to thank myself for things and send love to myself and forgiveness to myself.

so i laid in bed, just saying “love to me love to me forgiveness to me” over and over.

it felt good.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 11:54am
887: BAB says:

When I think pasta, I think red sauce. When I think true love, I think bliss every second with no hiccups.
Just gotta shift my thinking…
So many things I’m missing with predisposed single minded ideals.
I love me.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:01pm
888: lilybelle says:

886:

I am carrying so much guilt over some things that have occurred recently, i really needed to see this.

When will I learn to just let go and forgive myself.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 12:27pm
889: Starla says:

(((((((((lillybelle))))))))

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 1:05pm
890: BAB says:

I feel fear rising up. Needing him validate my every emotion. Worrying because I have only heard from him once.
Feeling very vulnerable not reaching out to find out why this is.
I embrace my feelings. Thank you for teaching me.
Having no expectations about how tonight will go.
Staying positive and happy in myself.
I love this not knowing…

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 1:26pm
891: BAB says:

Aww suspicious me. I love you, you will be ok. Everything is ok, you are happy you are loved.. humph

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 1:48pm
892: Daria says:

yay! i helped a CD with his successful business and hes gonna pay me! and he wants to show me how to do his business which feels awesoem cuz its all online like i like it! weeee

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 2:22pm
893: FlowerChild77 says:

“Love to me…love to me…forgiveness to me” I’ve been using this a lot. Thank you Starla! (I’m sure you are the one I learned this from.)

Sometimes it helps me to fall asleep at night, as well. I am grateful for this ‘tool.’ It gets very messy in my soups sometimes…and remembering to “bring love to me” is a lifeline <3

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 2:24pm
894: Rebecca says:

Wow, I was honest with my boss and it feels so unburdening. I realise most of my anxiety comes from not having clarity about what I want. So I jumble things up, and deceive – hoping that I will find what I want along the way.

Buy I guess it doesn’t happen like this? I need to be clear – I need to trust myself and get on with things.

I did that today.

But it was scary…

Oh wow…

I am feeling so excited and connected with myself.

I realise sometimes I am so anxious to please others that I never indulge in the things I really enjoy.

Music, etc…

And I am feeling so happy just spending time with me, and doing stuff that I enjoy and not worrying what anyone else thinks about me or what I like.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 2:39pm
895: Goddess Lily says:

I had a change of heart about winking back. Kind of like the water wheel thing. So I winked back at a few that met my non negotiables: not more than 8 years older than me, non smoker, no kids, not visually repulsive. Trying to stay open. Then I got 4 new emails within 35 minutes. Yay! And not just “Hey!” They actually sound like they might want to get to know me. I feel excited.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 2:58pm
896: Starla says:

I learned to offer myself love and forgiveness relentlessly from Laughing Goddess.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 3:01pm
897: Daria says:

all these men, so attractive to me now yay

it feels so melted and mellow to find so many men attractive oh yipee yipee

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 3:04pm
898: Daria says:

wow Rebecca that sounds powerful

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 3:06pm
899: Tam says:

I feel numb and unexcited and a little angry and a little blah and a little sad.
I am such a hanger on.
I love to dwell.
I live in the past or the future.
I need to find ways to redirecting my thoughts to the present.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 3:56pm
900: BAB says:

Oh yay brave me.
Bf called to say he got invited out to dinner with a few of out guy friends and wanted to know if i had dinner plans so he could go. Him: hey beautiful, do you have plans for dinner tonight? I said umm no i dont.
Him: oh shit. ME lol why? Him: Well i got invited to dinner and wanted to see if i could go or if you would care. I didnt know if you had any plans for us? Me: oh fun. Him: yeah but idk if i wanna go. It could be fun. what will you do?
Me:Yeah if thats what you feel you want to do, go for it. I have stuff i wanna get done here anyways! Him: (all surprised) Oh really? like what? are you going out? or gonna drive your bug around?
ME: umm no. actually that sounds fun lol. I wanna do some painting and get a little cleaning on my side of the room done. I feel bad because you’ve done such a great job at keeping your side clean, and it has felt so great to walk into a clean room!
Him: Oh ok yeah, no you dont have to feel baad i don’t mind, sorry i haven’t helped out on your side more. Me: you don’t have to be sorry i don’t expect you too haha. ( because i prefer to do my laundry, no shrinks lol)
Him: Ok then lol. Well idk if i wanna go now or not, its so far to drive and i don’t wanna spend the money, but it would be fun to see them ugh. Me: oh yeah? Him:you know what im gonna go! it will be fun. Me: Yeah it will! Him: alright beautiful ill txt you when im off work and when im on my way home from dinner! I love you.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 3:56pm
901: BAB says:

sorry to spam but had to get that out.
I knelt down and cried a little after i hung up. Not totally sure why.
I feel half excited i didnt beg him not to go or make him feel bad i was left out. Happy he considered my feelings before making the plans final. and half sad i was indeed left out.
I love my sad mood.
I am happy to be alone tonight. I will love on me before he gets home!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 3:59pm
902: Goddess Lily says:

Yay BAB!!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:00pm
903: Goddess Lily says:

Yay for being brave!

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:01pm
904: Tam says:

I read over some comments and had to laugh a little, because apparently I am on the way to my happily ever after…as I don’t feel a connection or chemistry with any of the men I have been on a first or even second date with…so that means no chemistry which means good.
It also makes it bloody hard work, let me tell you.
When you feel turned off left, right and centre it makes you dwell on the kind of connection you are really missing. For me that was never the chemical kind, more the mind connection.
It’s just not there. It happened to me several times, statistical average around every 5 years. Wuhoo, that’s only three more years sifting through married men, unsuitables and those who want to be FWB….not long to go really.
I feel cynical.
Sorry Ladies.
Tonight another one of those ‘nearly divorced’ but not at all divorced. I am just going to stay open and wait for him to tell me the story (but I already know it, at least according to the courts)
Urgh.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:02pm
905: Tam says:

I don’t suppose cynical is a feeling, perhaps it all just boils down to sadness and resignation? Yeah.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:04pm
906: BAB says:

Thank you thank you Goddess! I feel so at peace right now:)

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:08pm
907: Daria says:

i want to practice communicating with my babe No Name CD

i want the lovemaking to be more about me, i want more foreplay and maybe not even have sex. but i do want sex, when im fully ready for it

and i want him to go down on me for longer

and i feel concerned he won’t want to do that, and i feel a bit sad in my heart thinking that, he doesn’t WANT to do it for me

but i can free my mind up for that by just knowing if i require it he will love doing it

like the open door thing

i don’t need him to Want to do that on his own, as long as he does it lol

so i will go with that for this too

and everything will heal lovely about my sexual pleasure and love life with this

weeee

(((((Daria))))) babysteps along

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:11pm
908: BAB says:

humm forgot part of the convo..

Me: I said i missed you today btw. him: i missed you too, you didn’t txt me. Me: you didn’t txt me! lol your the man baby! Him: lol oh yeah well sometimes i like it to be reciprocated. Me: Oh yeah? lol humm.

I feel confident this was ok and a right way to handle it.
humm saying that i realize iam unsure.. ?
I love my indecisive self.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 4:25pm
909: Luzydel says:

Not feeling connected to the blog lately; nothing to share, no drama, no game playing, no nothing regarding men. Not that there is a lack of them, I just want something different… I feel bored with dating cliches.

Going to do my hair; It is too cold outside to go on a date with myself, so I am treating me nicely inside my warm and cozy place.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 5:03pm
910: Janie Baby says:

I feel scared to be alone tonight. We keep fighting. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. I get the urge to call him but then tell myself not to lean forward. I feel scared. I feel vulnerable. I feel sad. I feel discouraged. I feel hopeless. I feel this compelling urge to call him but I know I shouldn’t. I feel like I should go do my laundry, but I’m scared I’ll cry in public. I’m scared for tonight. I want a friend.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:23pm
911: Daria says:

My hair is like a dream catcher all the not feel good thoughts and dreams become lil snags I work out

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:35pm
912: Janie Baby says:

Ruth,
I thought the death was a big deal, and he seemed apathetic about it and said “Oh it happens all the time.” and seems fine. the real problem is he said from our 6 month of being in a long dsitance relationship he really values his freedom and independence, but also loves me. so don’t know what to do. and i don’t know what to do. i don’t know whether to wait around or what. i feel insecure and unstable. i want to feel strong and powerful in my own body. i want to be ok. i don’t want to feel dependent on him, but i feel sooo dependent. i feel so powerless. this always happens to me. i think i’m okay, but at the end of the day, i come home and can’t stop crying. even good things will happen, i just found out i got into an intense acting program i’ve been working hard to get accepted into. it starts in 2 months, hopefullly then, i’ll be getting out all my emotions and getting to know the authentic me again, but right now i can’t stop crying. i’m scared for tonight. i don’t know where i’ll go. usually i go to where he works and then we go home together, but i won’t be going tonight. After I sent all those texts yesterday, he called me last night really angry, and then texted me this morning “Sorry for getting so mad last night. I just had a bad day at work and did not want to get bitched at.” So I texted back saying, “I understand. I don’t feel good about our relationsihp either. I miss when things were light and fun and we were genuine friends. In the next week I want to to talk about what we both want and either compromise or decide to be friends because I don’t want to go on feeling like this and I’m sure you don’t either. PS I got into the acting training program!!” Looking back, i don’t know why i added that part at the end, but i was excited and i had noone else to let know cause he used to be my best friend. He hasn’t called or responded it’s been almost 2 hours. i feel sad. i feel powerless. i feel vulnerable. i’m scared. i’m scared to keep feeling like this my whole life. what if he really leaves this time? i just feel sad. sometimes i feel like YA I can deal with things being different now and hoping that we’ll be close again but then other times I feel desperate and just end things or act badly out of anger. I just don’t understand how men go from wanting to marry you and being so in love to needing space and not wanting to hang out as much. IT really hurts

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:35pm
913: sunshine says:

I feel really sad, and confused. I just broke it off with a guy I have been dating for a month. Hes sweet and a nice guy but there was something about him that really made me feel uncomfortable. He has a son in another country and when I asked him if he plans on going back he says hes not sure. If I think he would stay I felt bad thinking that he would stay to keep a relationship with me while sacrificing his son. When I think of him eventually leaving, I dont like that either when I think I could eventually really fall for him. I keep thinking about the son thing and how him and the mother divorced not more than a year ago. I feel weird and uncomfortable, and unsafe. I saw him in person and explained how I dont want to continue in a dating/ romantic relationship and he looked sad. I felt sad too but I couldnt continue with it. I felt so much pressure from him, maybe its because he was really into me. I sometimes did and sometimes didnt…I dont know I feel afraid. Now that i broke it off questioning if I made the right desicion but he doesnt fit my non negotiobles. He doesnt have goals, lives life as it comes, and he has a past that I dont know the details of but what I do know makes me feel uncomfortable.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:51pm
914: sunshine says:

I feel frustrated with myself.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 6:53pm
915: Tam says:

I feel bad for us humans. I dated a very nice man tonight, same age and same neighbourhood as MrP (I dared not ask, they must have been to the same school, anyway, beside the point)….this guy was married for several decades…and while we were eating, he called his wife (they are separated) and she called him….it was obvious that they were still loving each other but not ‘in love’. Oh, I just wanted to scream: please, work this out, work this out!!!!
I know it should have felt icky but it didn’t because I knew straight away that the guy and I had nothing in common but he was such a good man!!
I felt bad when he told me that he just split up with a Latin girl he had been sating because she got jealous of the ex wife. I wanted to scream: ‘well, if you are still in love and on the phone with her 24/7, then it’s normal for a girlfriend to be jealous’.
He said ‘oh but the chemistry and the sex with the Columbian was great’…oh men..poor men. I just wanted to scream. I wanted to say ‘but that is just sex, please go and work things out with your wife and try to have good sex with her..this chemistry is all bullshit’. But I couldn’t say that, so I just thought it.
((((humans)))) (((wives and husbands)))
(((me))) (( Sexy Columbian rebound girlfriends))
I felt so much compassion. I do feel so much compassion for this scenario. 3 decades of marriage and he is so unhappy to be away from the family home.I can’t believe us humans are really that stupid. But we are.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:33pm
916: Tam says:

I feel hopeless after tonight. if people fail like this after being married for three decades, and clearly still in love – what hope is there, really?
That is so sad.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 8:35pm
917: BAB says:

My wounded heart, you can feel strong and safe. you are loved and cherished.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:06pm
918: Carlie says:

@Tam – I don’t date separated men for this very reason. They’re not really available. Men marry with their contracts (we marry with our bodies) so they are still emotionally married and emotionally committed to their wives until after the divorce.

Also, I think Dr. Pat Allen recommends to not have sex with a separated man outside of engagement because the risk of being a rebound is so very high. They are so sex-starved at the end of a marriage and they know how to act like a couple so it’s very easy to get sucked in.

So I just don’t bother – I tell them I’d be happy to go on a date once their divorce is final. I figure my dating life is already complicated enough without introducing that element…ugh.

Friday, 2 November 2012 @ 9:17pm
919: Vi says:

(((((Tam)))))

…I was just questioning and turning around and releasing some of my own beliefs re MH’s ex girlfriend I’ve used to feel pisst off about. And I feel giggly and empowered now… And focused on me again ( Yay! ) and then I saw your post and thought maybe it would feel helpful for you too if I’d remind that those thoughts can be questioned…?
I would feel the way you describe if I were slipping off of my horse (enjoying my dinner, practicing openness) right into ‘his’ business…

And now I am imagining you there, feeling sad after dinner and there comes my post inviting to question what feels important… ouch.. and I am imagining how it makes you feel even worse and angry…. and I feel bad and scared and unsure whether I should press the send button or not… sigh… okay I ‘ll just do it I’ll practice being ‘seen’. Please let me know if you think there is a way to make my communication feel more safe to you. Thank you

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 12:13am
920: Daria says:

wow i feel angry

its ok!

yay

im dodging a bullet

babysteps

is it ok if i “don’t let guys get away with anything’

as far as the way i want to be treated if im insulted by them taking it easy

hmmm

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 12:56am
921: Daria says:

a couple of guys have implied im difficult in a way that doesnt feel good to me

now i feel all self conscious

that im demanding and hard to please

hmm

am i still attractive if im that?

i feel guilty and ashamed

i feel worried i ‘look’ for something that is wrong

awww

i don’t know how to change this

i dont do it intentionally

i want to heal all this
i want to heal my guilt

i want to heal my shame

its not me

its ok for me to want all that i want

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 12:58am
922: Daria says:

hes doing something nice for me, but its not what i want

like brings me a drink but its one i dont like

gives me a gift but its second hand clothes

hmmm

acts like i should be greatful – is that a judgemetn of him, or a red flag on him

i feel confused

i do know i feel pist

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 12:59am
923: Daria says:

and suspicious that he is judging me and thinking im stupid and not all that

and knowing if i say tht im gonna start ana rgument

feeling stuck

and loving myself

i can run away

yay!

i love run away tool

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 1:00am
924: Daria says:

feelin so disappointed

and feelin it strong now that im home

wow

feeling guiltu to feel ungreatful once im eating thr meal

he’s like

well to me its like you get all that you want, meal, etc

now i feel resistant resentful

im not feelin treasured

i feel on guard

he couldnt find a restaurant

he couldnt open the door all the way at first

he couldnt get on time to the last date we had and i cannveled it finaly

ok no good

but at least he gave me 40 dollars for my tech assistance

he coulda gave me more

he gave me this second hand clothes that he ‘just’ didnt want around him

i m thinking about that

im not feeling greatful

tho some of them i liked when i seen

but they dont look good on me

so oh well

now i feel stuck with all these second hand clothes

and i feel pist

at him

and im like ugh
now i gotta get these out ot goodwill instead of him

how annoying

and hes gonna be like, oh i did it to be nice to you

and im like ugh watever i feel like disrespected a bit now

and hes like you said you wanted them

and now i feel confused

and annoyed

and icky

and sad

and pist

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 1:05am
925: Daria says:

red flag

who cares if ill be alone forever

i dont want to deal with it

if im causing it by finding fault, fuc9k it

i gotta still do me and feel me

and likely its all good for me

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 1:06am
926: Daria says:

i feel relieved

ok i got 40 dollars

some clothes where there might be something i like and the rest i feel stuck and annioyed with,

and a meal where i ate stuff that i feel full and a lil in pain with and i feel angry

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 1:11am
927: Daria says:

i feel all mad

its possible i take sarcastic digs at men

i feel guilty when i dont feel good w the energy coming thru me after i just felt good w it

i take it on me

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 1:15am
928: Smile says:

He will show up!!!

You’re either in the middle of a relationship that doesn’t feel good, or you’re in an empty space on the game board of life and love, or you’re in pain, or you’re making do, or you’re in a state of hope and working through stuff, or you’re in a good place and just want it to be better…there’s always something better, there’s always something more, there’s always something to want and aspire to and hope for and look for and…

…and what if that’s what it will always look like?

That you’re always in flux, always in transition, that it never stops, you never get relief, you never get a moment to just sit and reflect unless you take it, that you’ll never really know what’s next – you can only be as prepared as possible for when what’s next shows up…?

It’s a mystery, is what it is. The plot is loose. You outline it, and the details are a surprise.

So – what CAN we do to create what’s next as something we WANT?

It’s all in the small steps, it’s all in the outline, it’s all in the preparation, it’s all in the here-and-now and what I can actually DO in this moment.

It’s all in undoing the old outline.

It’s all in creating a sense of freedom for yourself. Making it okay, deep down to throw out the old outline and create a new one.

So – what will your outline look like, and how will you prepare for all the details however they show up?

Well…Let’s…

1. Sketch it in:

Write down the basics:

Relationship: Requirements for relationship are companionship, fun, ease, juice, affection, commitment, feeling good…

Security: Enough money to live without fear of the details as they show up…

Meaning: What I do matters. Who I am is important…

Enjoyment: I actually feel good. I actually enjoy all the moments of my life.

Go on and write more if you like – but make sure they’re sketchy like this.

2. Imagine the high points:

Get a feel for how these great plot points of the outline will look and feel – and don’t try to put them in context, or balance them out with other aspects of your life. Make it like they’re stand-alone great-feeling experiences.

Riff (in the Power & Self Esteem category here) through these imaginings if you find them bringing up all kinds of Nasty Voices and resistance and tension in your body.

3. Get Faith:

This is trust in yourself, trust in your outline, trust that your old beliefs that say “no” to your wants are crap, and that your new beliefs that it will all show up as outlined (though it may LOOK completely different) are gold and TRUE.

Even if you falter sometimes, and fall off the Faith and Trust wagon, just climb back on.

Be your own Sun. Make your outline sunny and rosy, and say “I’m sticking to it.”

Don’t let people with a skewed view of “reality” shake your confidence in your faith and trust in yourself and your outline – just smile, say thank you for sharing, and be on your way to whatever’s next.

I know, because I’ve seen it over and over and over – that when you’ve prepared for the GOOD in your outline, the good shows up. And when you prepare for the bad, you feel secure and safe, but you stay put where you are.

It’s so much easier to get what you EXPECT. If you expect to feel good, it’s easier to see it and receive it. If you expect to feel bad, it’s easier to notice it and bring it on over.

Expectation is sort of an Invitation. So – Invite what you want, not what you don’t want. And…

…that’s an easy thing to say.

That’s what everyone says – and yet…

How do you even know if something that seems “bad” is really bad?

What if it’s something important, meaningful, and full of powerful lessons that will get you to the “good” so much faster?

So – What I want you to invite – is not anything LITERAL, straightforward, an event, a happening, a phone call – a thing, a look. Instead…I want you to invite the sketchy high points of your outline – however they look.

I want you to prepare for the journey here – the ups and downs, the transitions, the places where it’s empty, and the places where you feel lost. I want you to pack your bags correctly and do the work. I want you to take care of yourself right here, right now, the things only you can take care of. Even if you don’t like doing it because you wish someone else would.

I want you to step across the gameboard of life even if you don’t know what the next square is – in the direction of your outline’s high points.

This isn’t preparing for the worst – this is preparing for the best. This is Faith and Trust in action – this is building your strength. Just take one step at a time, and don’t let your PERSPECTIVE on what’s happening make you make decisions about your outline. If you step in mud, don’t let it throw you off. Your outline is good. What happens next is a mystery.

We can never know what’s next, so we can never know why what’s happening right now is happening. The only possible explanation that fits with these 3 steps is that – whatever’s happening HAS to be part of the outline. It may be unexpected, it may not feel good – but it’s there just because it is. And it doesn’t do ANYTHING about what’s going to happen next except PREPARE us!

So – He will show up. Your man will show up. If the man you’re with can, he’ll step up, and if he can’t – the right man WILL show up. I know it. Your outline says it. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I’m asking you to stick to it, too – and let’s hear some of your glorious outline sketches, and remember to love even the mud…

Love, Rori

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 2:55am
929: Smile says:

My life feels like an exciting mystery but I’m sticking to my outline.

Ha I love the bit where rori says to love the mud!!

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 2:57am
930: Silver Moonbeam says:

#915 Tam

I find it incredibly rude that the man phoned his wife when he was on a date with you.

I think mobiles should be switched off when on dates, but then I’m old fashioned like that.

Do you think a “I don’t want” FM message would have been in order? I think I would have stood up and gone to the bathroom or gone somewhere away from the table, he is supposed to be on a date with ME………

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 3:06am
931: Silver Moonbeam says:

“So – He will show up. Your man will show up. If the man you’re with can, he’ll step up, and if he can’t – the right man WILL show up. I know it. Your outline says it. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”

I have been on my own for such a long time, I am beginning to doubt this will ever happen for me.

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 3:08am
932: Silver Moonbeam says:

#930 SMB

You are NOT American, it is the ladies or the toilets not the bathroom.

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 3:09am
933: Smile says:

Tam, 915, “but I couldn’t say that… ”
What would have happened if you spoke your truth?

Happy weekend! I’m pretending to have a cup of tea with your view 

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 3:31am
934: Smile says:

Daria,
“He’s doing nice things for me but it’s not what I want.” Reminds me of dominiques article on expectations. He brings you lilies but you wanted roses situation.
Hm I wonder about this because both lilies and roses are nice to me! I wonder how I would feel if it was something I didn’t want or didn’t like? How would I feel then. It it was something different to what I wanted but still nice I would be okay with that. Thanks for helping me think about this too.

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 3:35am
935: Smile says:

Or rather think about how I would feel!

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 3:36am
936: Smile says:

931, SMB, morning 
I felt sad reading that.

I love feeling hopeful but I get that the muddy times can feel wearing.

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 3:39am
937: Goddess Lily says:

About to skydive, sirens!

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 7:23am
938: BAB says:

Today I want to be pampered by my man. I will let him give and I will receive.
I feel frustrated about sex, I want more, I wish he would get out of his slump.
I feel super judgie about him and this.
I love my judgie feeling. I can heal this anger and abandoned feeling.

Saturday, 3 November 2012 @ 7:52am
939: Linda says:

I have not read many of the comments on this thread. I will later dont have the time right now.

I have had a lovely week really. Super busy with things in life that do not involve men. It is refreshing in a way.

I have also had several interactions with new men this week. Either by email, phone or a meet and greet.
My meet and greet I kept to 1 hour. He clearly seemed not ready to go, but the Starbucks I chose to meet at closed at 7 and we did not meet until 6:15. I was shocked to learn they closed so early! Weird, but I took is a reminder from Rori that keeping them short, leaving before you were ready to was a good tool to use.

There is one man asking for dates – he is really nice but there is no physical attraction for me and he is boring. There is one full of energy, contacts me thru text.. he lives two hours away. He asked if I wanted to meet today last night today (Saturday) but I have plans with my mother for her birthday. I suggested the possibility of Sunday and he said I would have to come to him because he has

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