If somethings bothering you, but you can’t tell anyone, it eats you up inside.
So – let’s figure out what you “can’t” tell – and what you can.
Let’s say you’re late for your period, but you don’t want to scare the man you’re sleeping with (perhaps he’s your “boyfriend,” perhaps he’s a lover and you’re Circular Dating as well) until you know. Well, most pregnancy tests are pretty fast these days – so you should be able to find a 24 hour drugstore – but let’s say you can’t. Let’s say you have to go a day before you find out…
And let’s say he calls or comes over, or you see him just before you can get to the drugstore, and you’re freaked out.
He asks: “How’s it going?” And you say, your voice shaking, “Fine, and you?”
And he can tell something’s wrong, so he says – “Hey, what’s going on?” And you say, “Nothing.,.”
Clearly, he knows it’s not, he feels left out and untrusted. But, still, you don’t want to lay your fear on him until you know for sure.
The thing is – he’s involved in what goes into a pregnancy, so he gets to know. In fact, if you’re feeling troubled about anything, and he shows up to ask you how you’re doing – he gets to know.
So – here’s how you say the truth…
1. “I feel bad not telling you, and I feel bad telling you. There’s something going on that I’m not sure about, and I don’t want to talk about it until I know, but I feel even worse being dishonest with you. I’m late for my period, and I’ll take a test tomorrow and will let you know. I feel freaked out….” Or…
2. “I feel upset, and I feel bad that I want to keep it to myself, but I do…I’m not ready to talk about it yet…” And then say goodbye if he presses you more.
If you were the man, which one would YOU rather hear? And which would you rather say?
Let’s say he hasn’t said “I love you” yet, and you’re feeling quite sad about it, because you don’t really know how he feels about you. He’s talking about moving in together – and you don’t even know if it’s just for “convenience’ and to “save money” – or if he’s IN LOVE with you.
Let’s say you’ve been seeing him for a year and he doesn’t know what to say when “marriage” comes up.
Let’s say he forgot your birthday, or remembered it with a card but didn’t get you anything – or any number of things he might have done or not done that’s making you feel second class and unloved.
If you’re holding in your feelings in a bid to be “reasonable,” “nice” or “understanding” – if you’re trying not to “scare” him away with your “needs” – you’re working AGAINST YOURSELF.
There’s a way to talk about what you want, what makes you unhappy, and how you feel WITHOUT scaring a man away – and that way is by leaving HIM out of it!
The truth is –
1. You love him.
2. You want a forever-after with him.
3. You want to be adored and cherished and cared for, and you want attention, affection, romance and great sex.
Now – this is not exactly unusual. Every woman on the PLANET wants this – so a man would have to be insane to not know this is what you want.
The thing is – every man is also selling himself that you are FINE with the way things are. As long as you don’t speak up – he thinks it’s all okay.
He’ll accept, if he thinks YOU do – that you don’t need any more love, affection, all that, than what he’s ALREADY giving you.
Even though he KNOWS he’s being a “jerk”!
Yes, he KNOWS he’s treating you badly. He KNOWS. and all you’re doing by holding back your feelings is making him angry, making him guilty, and making him love and respect you LESS.
The way out is by taking a different approach.
(First of all, if you’re Circular Dating and following all my programs from the first moment you meet a man, you won’t get into this difficulty a year down the line – so this is for if you’re already in this tough place…)
So – let’s just all keep practicing telling the Truth in small ways that aren’t so frightening. Say how you feel about the movie…say how you really feel about Italian food this minute…start in baby steps, and I’ll help you through it.
I know these scary situations sound impossible to tell the Truth in without putting up walls and pretending to feel stronger than you do at the moment…but that’s part of the truth-telling.
Letting him see exactly how you are, how you’re feeling, without blaming HIM for how you feel is the complete recipe for intimacy and romantic love.
And…as a bonus, as you practice doing this with small things…you’ll start to feel braver and so much more confident.
Let’s do this together!