Comments on: Circular Dating After 2 1/2 Years

By: Lisalisa

Lisalisa — Sun, 03 May 2009 20:47:34 +0000

Yes, we were living together and I moved out after the break up. I believe now he never intends to get back together. He wouldn’t have left me if he didn’t. I am just having a hard time facing reality. He left after 10 years and is dating someone else, what more do I need as proof he isn’t coming back? We barely talk, because I don’t want to do the friends thing. It’s like he was able to instantly detach from 10 years together and I can’t do the same. I feel like a fool, like I want to wake up from this bad dream.

By: Lisalisa

Lisalisa — Sun, 03 May 2009 20:42:04 +0000

Thank you. I don’t think he will return. I think I am just having a hard time realising it’s truly over.

By: cookie

cookie — Sun, 03 May 2009 15:39:02 +0000

Lisa Lisa,

I have been following along with your stream of thought and situation and I don’t really have anything new to add, I feel the ladies have offered you really good advice thus far. I can only say that I am experiencing some of the same things in my relationship with my LI. He has not been stepping up to claim me, although he makes little comments here and there. But I don’t believe in “future talk” as Rori would call it because that to me feels like taking crumbs. I do want to initiate conversation around the future of relationship and he is still on the path to marriage and children but I have literally been “putting my hand over my mouth and staying home more, going out for more walks alone, saving my money, and doing things for myself. My natural inclination is to lean way forward and ask questions until he gets angry with the questions but I have restraining myself lately. And it feels better to me actually. I had to retrain him with the phone call thing. At first he would get really upset that I didn’t initiate any calls to him but now he calls when he wants to and if I can accept his calls I do and I never say “why didn’t you call me” etc. etc. So I’m proud that I’m making efforts to improve my self esteem and degree of difficulty.

For you, I wish you some peace of mind, I think everyone is right that you should turn your back to this situation and focus on what seems like a much neglected you. He will return, they always do. But if you want him to see differently and the relationship to be different, you can’t talk about it, you have to just be it. I am learning to be this way myself.

By: Lisalisa

Lisalisa — Sun, 03 May 2009 04:41:02 +0000

I am changing things in my life for the better. My health, my finances. I don’t know whether to fight for us, if there is something to fight for. Or just give up. Be friends. Completely cut contact.

What I do want is a wonderful relationship with this man. But he has rejected me, left me, after 10 years.

Why can’t I see I am fooling myself? Why am I pining for him?

By: Ann

Ann — Sun, 03 May 2009 04:37:22 +0000

Rori hope you don’t mind there is a sentence in your ebook about synchronicity I have to keep reminding myself about.

“If you use most of your energy thinking about how miserable you are, and focusing on what you
don’t like about what’s going on in your life, it’s like signaling the world to keep on sending more of the same your way.”

I needed this reminder at this time in my life. Re-reading on your ebook tonight.

By: Lisalisa

Lisalisa — Sun, 03 May 2009 04:27:42 +0000

I just have to remember that when I miss him so much it hurts, he’s sleeping with someone else.

By: Lisalisa

Lisalisa — Sun, 03 May 2009 00:49:51 +0000

Isn’t him dating already saying that I can’t give him what he wants? He said he’s not very happy. I know he feels very guilty for hurting me. I don’t want him to, but he did string me along for 10 years. I want to be with someone who knows what he wants, in life, in a relationship. I can’t live with uncertainty again, it’s destructive.

By: Linda G

Linda G — Sun, 03 May 2009 00:42:50 +0000

and lisalisa, I know this sounds completely wierd and backwards, but the only way you will ever get what you want from him, is to turn your back to him.
look elsewhere, date, circular date, soon you will feel good about yourself and maybe wonder why you would ever want to be at his mercy, or anyones again, who knows, you may meet someone who can give you what you want, sooner than you think, but not until you cut him off and free yourself.

By: Ann

Ann — Sun, 03 May 2009 00:42:19 +0000

I understand, I know that hurts very much. But truthfully what you want and what he wants to give you might be 2 entirely different things. The only way you’ll feel better is to take care of you first. And that can be easilier said than done.

By: Lisalisa

Lisalisa — Sun, 03 May 2009 00:31:13 +0000

I don’t want this man out of my life, but the reality is that he is in my life in a way that I don’t want…distant, friendly only. I want more. I don’t have to accept less.